Charity Drive

Narrator · Michael · George Sr.:Narrator intro: 'Michael Bluth was visiting his father in prison... anxious to get to the bottom of some mysterious bookkeeping. George Sr. was also anxious, but less about the bookkeeping.'

George Sr.:'This game is never gonna happen. Half of these guys are still in their cuffs.'

George Sr.:'Word has it that they're getting Jose Canseco.'

George Sr.:'I'm catcher, or I'm nothing!'

Kitty · Michael · Narrator:Kitty says 'Your wife's on line one.' Michael's wife has been dead for two years. Beat. Kitty repeats: 'I said, your wife is on line one.' Narrator: 'But not immediately.'

Narrator · Kitty:Kitty realized her mistake. 'I said, your wife is on line one.' But not immediately.

Kitty · Michael:'That's actually not any of your business.' / 'My business. That's not any of my business.'

Michael:'Yeah, it's a real shame what's going on with this family. You're stuck by the pool, and Dad's getting picked last for softball.'

Lucille:'If I wanted something your thumb touched, I'd eat the inside of your ear!'

Gob · Michael:Gob is setting up an 'office' in Michael's workspace to write a 'strongly worded letter' to the warden.

Narrator · Gob:Gob checks into prison as a publicity stunt — but gets shanked.

Gob:Gob reveals his 'strongly worded letter' weapon: '...art.' He's written it on paper and apparently illustrated it.

Michael · Gob:Gob enters Michael's office: 'I wish I would've known you were coming. I am a mess.' / Michael: 'Don't know if a call from me would've changed that.'

Gob · Michael:Gob asks for Michael's chair to write his letter: 'Do you like my outfit?' / Gob: 'Not as much as I like what's underneath it.' / Michael: 'Gob!' / Gob: 'No, I need your chair. Get up.'

Michael · Narrator:Narrator: 'My God, she's repulsive.' — attributed to Michael's internal reaction to Kitty's obvious attraction to Gob.

Michael · Kitty:Michael offers Kitty a touch lamp as an incentive. Kitty responds: 'You're the one who needs therapy!'

Lindsay · Tobias · Maeby · George Michael:Lindsay and Tobias bicker about his career change; Tobias says: 'I have needs, you know.' / Lindsay: 'And how am I not addressing your needs?' — followed by escalating arguing in front of their daughter, then: 'Okay, kids, Mommy and Daddy are going out for ice cream.' / Kids: 'Can we come?' / Lindsay: 'Sorry. It's not for kids.'

Lindsay · Tobias · George Michael · Maeby:Okay, kids, Mommy and Daddy are going out for ice cream. Can we come? Sorry. It's not for kids.

George Michael · Maeby:George Michael and Maeby tail Lindsay and Tobias in the Bluth Company stairway truck. Maeby: 'How are they gonna see us?' George Michael: 'It says Bluth Company right on the side. Plus, it's a stairway. That's gonna catch the eye.'

Narrator:The airport stairway vehicle was the last vestige of the Bluths' former wealth. Also, that House of Pies that went out of business.

George Michael · Narrator:Narrator explains George Michael's prison fear: 'he accidentally watched HBO's Oz... mistaking it for the classic Judy Garland musical.' / Oz clip: 'I'm an innocent man!' / 'Eat it, bitch!' / George Michael: 'Lots of times.'

Michael · George Michael:Michael arrives home happy that he won't have to visit prison. 'Hey, buddy! Came home early. Wanna do something? Anything. Anything at all.' / George Michael: 'I wanna visit Pop-Pop in prison.'

Gob · Kitty:Gob flirting with Kitty in the filing room: 'Here's where we keep all of our... heavyweight paper.' / Kitty: 'Bet you can show me where a lot of things are.' / Gob: 'What kind of things are you... looking for?'

Gob · Kitty:Gob and Kitty flirtation: 'What are you hiding?' / Kitty: 'Nothing you can't find.' Then Gob asks Kitty to take off her glasses, lets down her hair — and each reveal makes her look worse, forcing Gob to backtrack: 'No. Glasses on. Hair back up.'

Gob · Kitty:Gob: 'Do you want me to turn all the lights off?' Gob agrees, then: 'There's still light coming in from under the door.'

Lindsay · Tobias:In therapy, Lindsay: 'It's like we're face to face now, like we're really seeing this marriage and... I'm afraid it's a lie.' Long pause. Tobias: 'Bravo. If I gave a performance that good, I'd have my own Alias-type show.'

Michael:Michael tells George Michael prison is 'like a carnival. Without the half-person on the skateboard that grabbed your knee to steady himself.'

Michael:Michael: 'It's like a country club. All the guy does is eat ice cream and play softball all day.'

George Sr. · Prisoner · Umpire:The softball game is in the 14th inning; prisoners are trying to bribe the umpire: 'I'll give you a thousand bucks, you call the next one a strike.' Ump: 'My knees are killing me.'

George Sr. · George Michael · Michael:George Sr. to George Michael in prison: 'I'm gonna die in here.' / George Michael's terrified reaction / Michael returns with ice cream sandwiches: 'One of these got smooshed, but don't let that ruin prison for you.'

George Sr. · George Michael · Guard:George Sr. grabs at George Michael's hair: 'Give me your hair!' / 'Give Pop-Pop your hair!' / Guard: 'No touching! No touching! No touching!'

Michael:One of these got smooshed, but don't let that ruin prison for you.

George Michael:George Michael: 'I don't totally get the hair joke, but I'm fine, Dad.' ... 'I am gonna head back in, though. I'm gonna see if Pop-Pop's got any more zingers.'

Michael · George Sr.:Michael to George Sr.: 'That's why I'm trying to get you out of here.' George Sr.: 'Maybe I've been in denial, but this place is breaking me, Mikey... and I'm alone here, but for you.'

George Sr. · Michael:George Sr. on Lucille: 'Your mother's never shown her face.' Michael: 'She's never been here?' — Lucille's absence at the prison is revealed, immediately undercut: 'You should've heard the grief she gave me when I said I'd never show up again.' / 'You said... You said what?'

George Sr. · Lucille:George Sr. on Lucille: 'She's very easily threatened. You remember the carjacker?' — Cut to: clip of Lucille screaming at carjacker / George Sr.: 'Well, she's certainly toughened up since then. She's eating lunch by the pool now.'

George Sr.:George Sr.: 'There's a big difference between the country club pool and the conjugal trailer. That's not what I meant when I said visit.' / 'It's too bad. I really miss that personal contact. It just felt... humanizing.'

George Sr.:'Daddy horny, Michael.'

George Sr. · Michael:George Sr.: 'I just haven't had sex in a month.' / Michael: 'You've been here two months.' / George Sr.: 'It's hard to gauge time.'

Michael · Lucille:Michael to Lucille: 'You know... there are certain things that he can't get from his children.' / Lucille: 'If you're going to say pride, you're wrong. He is proud of his children.' / Michael: 'Wasn't gonna say pride, Mom.'

Lucille:Pool food. My system's not used to curly fries. [Lucille, after Michael asks why she's never visited George Sr. in prison]

Michael:Michael's increasingly tortured build-up: 'I think that you should... visit him... in an... intimate... marital... trailer.'

Lucille · Michael:Lucille: 'Did he say that he misses me? Does he need his wife's embrace?' / Cut to Michael's memory: 'Daddy horny, Michael.' / Michael: 'He said some wonderful things.'

Lucille:Lucille: 'Golf membership' want it? [as a negotiation chip for agreeing to visit George Sr.]

Tobias:Tobias in role-reversal therapy, playing Lindsay: 'Because I'm a woman! With a woman's needs! And a woman's urges! And these, Tobias. When was the last time you looked at these?'

Tobias:Tobias as Lindsay: 'You've never been a real wife to me, Lindsay.' / 'A man is looking back at you. A man with dreams and aspirations!'

Tobias:Tobias in role reversal: 'Right! If I'm no Schwimmer, you're no Jennifer Aniston!' / 'Maybe I'm not even Lisa Kudrow.'

Lindsay · Tobias:Lindsay-as-Tobias says: 'follow those dreams. Make those dreams happen.' / Tobias: 'Yes. I will.' / 'And scene!'

Therapist · Tobias · Lindsay:Therapist's reaction: 'Wow!' / 'I'm sorry I stepped on your line.' / 'Did that answer some questions for you?' / 'Yeah, I think it did.' / Therapist: 'Now there are two men I wanna leave.'

Michael · Gob:Michael arrives home: 'Great news.' / Gob: 'Oh, good. I could use it.' / Michael: 'I just came from convincing Mom to have sex with Dad.' / Gob: 'God! What is wrong with you? That is disgusting!'

Gob:'I have a sense of propriety. All right?' — Gob's protestation of decency after being disgusted by Michael facilitating their parents' sex.

Gob · Michael:Gob: 'I Kitty.' / Michael: 'Gob, I just wanted you to get the information.' / Gob: 'Oh, I got the information.' / '...About the international accounts?' / 'I see what you're getting at. No, I didn't get any information.'

Michael · Gob:Michael: 'You just lost the touch lamp.' / Gob: 'What? No!' / Michael: 'The deal's off. I'm gonna use the touch lamp to set the mood in the conjugal trailer when Dad's nailing Mom!'

George Michael · Maeby:George Michael: 'I'm not saying I don't care like kids who say they don't when they do... 'cause I don't.' / Maeby: 'How could you not?' / George Michael: 'You know, our family's really messed up.' / Maeby: 'I know. We're the only normal ones.'

George Michael · Maeby:George Michael and Maeby hug. Hug goes on. George Michael narrates the hug internally: 'Sometimes I don't know if it's gonna be a long or short hug or a middle-medium hug. It's hard to tell sometimes. That was a good hug. That's plenty for now. Hug's gotta end sometime, obviously.'

George Sr. · Michael · Lucille:George Sr. reacts to Lucille appearing in the prison: 'What the hell's your mother doing in here?' / Michael: 'You needed my help, and it was hard for you to ask, so I took it upon myself to bring her.' / George Sr.: 'That doesn't make you uncomfortable?' / Michael: 'The drive was a little awkward.'

George Sr. · Lucille · Michael:George Sr. panics as Lucille approaches: 'Hello, George.' / George Sr.: 'What the hell's your mother doing in here?' / 'Oh, I've done a bad thing.' / 'There's someone else in that trailer, isn't there?' / 'I've done a terrible thing.' / 'I've done a repulsive thing.'

George Sr. · Michael · Narrator:'How long? When did this start?' / George Sr.: 'Oh, come on! This is the first time.' / Narrator: 'Every Friday for the last eight years.'

George Sr.:George Sr.: 'I'll go in there with Kitty, I'll do my thing... and th-th-then I'll go and see your moth... This is a hard one.'

George Sr. · Michael:George Sr.: 'Family first.' / Michael: 'Take care of Kitty.' / George Sr.: 'I need you now.' / Michael: '"International accounts" need me?'

Michael · Gob:Michael offers Gob: touch lamp + office + 'what the hell... full use of the secretary.'

Lucille · George Sr.:Lucille in the conjugal trailer: 'I, uh... Okay, I'll get down on the couch.' / Lucille: 'I'm not going to have sex with you, George. I came to tell you how much I hate you for what you've done to this family.'

George Sr. · Lucille:I, uh... Okay, I'll get down on the couch. / I'm not going to have sex with you, George.

George Sr. · Lucille:Lucille: 'The millions you pissed away on clothing and jewelry and spa treatments.' / George Sr.: 'Yes, to keep you interested in the only thing you ever appreciated... my body.' / Lucille: 'Can I help it if you've got a fantastic body? And you're as powerful as a bear.'

Lucille · George Sr.:'My husband the bear.' / 'This bear needs some honey, wife.' / 'Oh, God, I missed you!'

Gob · Kitty:Gob stalling Kitty with light adjustments: 'Glasses off. Glasses on. Hair up. Glasses off. Down, on. Have we done up, off?'

Gob:Wrong and bright. This... That's be... brighter! God! Damn.

Warden · Gob:The warden catches Gob outside: 'Well, if it isn't Sincerely Yours.'

Gob · Warden · George Sr. · Lucille:Gob is pinned against the window of his parents' conjugal trailer by the warden. Gob: 'Oh, God, Mommy! What did you do?'

Gob:Oh, God, Mommy! What did you do?

Michael:Michael returns to George Michael: 'I had to help out your grandfather... and then I had to vow that I would never help your grandfather again. Pretty much a normal day for me.'

Michael · George Michael:George Michael worries that if Pop-Pop could be in prison, 'anybody could be there.' Michael reassures him: 'I got news... he's, uh... he's guilty.' / 'He is?' / 'Oh, yeah.' / 'Incredibly guilty.'

Lindsay:On the next Arrested Development: Lindsay says she wants to become an actor too.

George Sr.:On the next: George Sr. makes good on his promise to come clean — 'There's a good chance that I... that I may... have committed some, um... light... treason.'