Michael sets up an "intimate conjugal visit" for his parents, while it is revealed that George Sr. had an affair with Kitty, his secretary who recently slept with Gob. Tobias and Lindsay see a marriage counselor.
Cringe-driven character comedy sustains 86-point score across 37 tightly-packed jokes.
Directed by Greg Mottola · Written by Richard A. Rosenstock, John Levenstein
WAR
124.3
Wins Above Replacement
“Visiting Ours” ranks #30 of 84 Arrested Development episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 96.0 — Elite. The episode packs 81 scored jokes at 3.5 per minute, averaging 7.6 on craft and 7.5 on impact, with Michael Bluth landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
George Sr. · Michael Bluth: Stinger: George Sr. reveals to Michael he may have committed 'some, um... light... treason.'
Lucille Bluth · Michael Bluth: Lucille: 'Did he say that he misses me? Does he need his wife's embrace?' / Michael (internal): [remembering 'Daddy horny, Michael'] 'He said some wonderful things.'
Michael Bluth · George Sr.: Michael: 'Daddy... / George Sr.: 'Horny. I got that.'
Michael Bluth · George Sr. · Lucille Bluth: Michael: 'How long? When did this start?' / George Sr.: 'Oh, come on! This is the first time.' / Lucille: 'Every Friday for the last eight years.'
Gob Bluth: Gob pressed against parents' trailer window: 'Oh, God, Mommy! What did you do?'
All Jokes — 81 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Narrator · Michael Bluth · George Sr.: Narrator: 'Michael Bluth was visiting his father in prison, anxious to get to the bottom of some mysterious bookkeeping... George Sr. was also anxious, but less about the bookkeeping.'
George Sr.: George Sr.: 'This game is never gonna happen. Half of these guys are still in their cuffs.'
George Sr. · Michael Bluth: George Sr.: 'Word has it that they're getting Jose Canseco.' / Michael: 'I'm starting to wonder why I even bother coming.'
George Sr.: George Sr.: 'I'm catcher, or I'm nothing!'
Kitty · Michael Bluth · Narrator: Kitty: 'Your wife's on line one.' — Michael's wife has been dead for two years.
Kitty: Kitty doubles down: 'I said, your wife is on line one.' — then catches herself: 'Oh! Oh, God. I'm sorry. George's wife. Your mother.'
Kitty Escalation Cringe/Discomfort Callback Kitty · Michael Bluth: Kitty: 'That's actually not any of your business.' / Michael: 'My business. That's not any of my business.'
Lucille Bluth: Lucille: 'If I wanted something your thumb touched, I'd eat the inside of your ear!'
Michael Bluth: Michael: 'I've got news for you, Mom. I'm not visiting Dad in jail anymore.' — immediately undercut by his subsequent behavior.
Gob Bluth · Michael Bluth: Gob setting up 'an office' in Michael's office with a drafting table to write a 'strongly worded letter.'
Gob Bluth · Warden · Narrator: Narrator recap of Gob's prison stunt: 'You really think you can break out of my prison?' / Gob: 'You won't even know I was here.' — then gets stabbed with a shiv.
Gob Bluth · Narrator: Gob escaping the hospital via being stabbed: 'thus fulfilling, in Gob's mind, his contract with the public' — followed by '?Ta-dah?'
Gob Bluth · Kitty · Michael Bluth: Gob to Kitty: 'Not as much as I like what's underneath it.' [re: outfit] / Michael: 'Gob!' / Gob: 'No, I need your chair. Get up. I've got a letter to write.'
Lindsay Bluth Fünke · Tobias Fünke: Lindsay: 'Because you didn't respect my old career, and you certainly don't respect my new one!' / Tobias: 'You don't have a new one!'
Lindsay Bluth Fünke · Tobias Fünke · George Michael Bluth · Maeby Fünke: Lindsay and Tobias: 'Okay, kids, Mommy and Daddy are going out for ice cream.' / 'Can we come?' / 'Sorry. It's not for kids.'
Maeby Fünke · George Michael Bluth: George Michael insists on following his parents in the company stairway truck: 'It says Bluth Company right on the side. Plus, it's a stairway. That's gonna catch the eye.'
Narrator: Narrator: 'The airport stairway vehicle was the last vestige of the Bluths' former wealth. Also, that House of Pies that went out of business.'
Narrator Deadpan/Understatement Absurdist ★ Rewatch George Michael Bluth · Narrator: George Michael's fear of prison revealed: 'he'd been terrified of the very notion of prison since, as a young boy, he accidentally watched HBO's Oz, mistaking it for the classic Judy Garland musical.'
George Michael Bluth · Oz characters: Quick cut to young George Michael watching Oz: 'I'm an innocent man!' / 'Eat it, bitch!'
Maeby Fünke · George Michael Bluth: Maeby: 'You should go get your mom's date book.' / George Michael: 'Oh, yeah. She must have written down where they're going. I still wanna hear about prison, okay?' / Maeby: 'If you can handle it.'
Michael Bluth · George Michael Bluth: Michael arrives home happy: 'Hey, buddy! Came home early. Wanna do somethin'? Anything. Anything at all.' / George Michael: 'I wanna visit Pop-Pop in prison.'
Kitty · Gob Bluth: Kitty showing Gob the filing room: 'Here's where we keep all of our... heavyweight paper.' / Gob: 'Bet you can show me where a lot of things are.'
Gob Bluth · Kitty: Gob's seduction attempt: 'Take off your glasses.' [Kitty does] 'Oh.' / 'Wait, wait. Let down your hair.' [She does] 'No. Glasses on. Hair back up.'
Gob Bluth · Kitty: Gob: 'Do you want me to turn all the lights off?' / Kitty: 'Yes, yes, please.' / Gob: 'How's that?' / Kitty: 'Is that better?' / Gob: 'There's still light coming in from under the door.'
Lindsay Bluth Fünke · Tobias Fünke · Therapist: Lindsay in therapy: 'I'm afraid it's a lie.' [Long pause as the therapist and Tobias absorb her emotional confession]
Tobias Fünke: Tobias: 'Bravo. If I gave a performance that good, I'd have my own Alias-type show.'
Michael Bluth: Michael describes prison to George Michael: 'It's the opposite of scary. It's like a carnival. Without the half-person on the skateboard that grabbed your knee to steady himself.'
Michael Bluth: Michael: 'It's like a country club. All the guy does is eat ice cream and play softball all day.'
George Sr. · Prisoner: Prison softball game: 14th inning, prisoner bribing umpire: 'I'll give you a thousand bucks, you call the next one a strike. My knees are killing me.'
George Sr. · Prisoners · Narrator: Prison riot erupts after strike call: 'Strike three!' / 'Strike three, my ass!' — followed by a full prison yard brawl.
George Sr. · George Michael Bluth: George Sr. to grandson: 'I'm gonna die in here.' / George Michael: 'What?' — after Michael has just told him prison is like a country club.
George Sr. · George Michael Bluth · Prison Guard: George Sr. grabs at George Michael's hair through the visiting window: 'Give Pop-Pop your hair!' / Guard: 'No touching! No touching! No touching!'
Michael Bluth: Michael returns with ice cream sandwiches: 'One of these got smooshed, but don't let that ruin prison for you.'
George Michael Bluth: George Michael: 'I don't totally get the hair joke, but I'm fine, Dad.'
George Sr. · Michael Bluth: George Sr.'s confession: 'I do need you, Michael!' / 'Daddy horny, Michael.'
Narrator · Lucille Bluth: - Aaah! [implied carjacking flashback] Well, she's certainly toughened up since then. She's eating lunch by the pool now.
George Sr.: There's a big difference between the country club pool and the conjugal trailer. That's not what I meant when I said 'visit.'
Michael Bluth · George Sr.: Michael: 'You've been here two months.' / George Sr.: 'It's hard to gauge time.' / Michael: 'Yeah, I'll bet.'
Lucille Bluth: Lucille: 'Pool food. My system's not used to curly fries.' — delivered as an apparent response to being caught lying about visiting George Sr.
Michael Bluth: Michael struggling to ask Lucille to have sex with his father: 'I think that you should... visit him... in an... intimate... marital... trailer.'
Michael Bluth · Lucille Bluth: There are certain things that he can't get from his children. / If you're going to say 'pride,' you're wrong. He is proud of his children.
Lucille Bluth · Michael Bluth: Lucille: 'Are you mad? You think I'm comfortable asking you to do this?'
Lucille Bluth · Michael Bluth: Lucille: 'Did he say that he misses me? Does he need his wife's embrace?' / Michael (internal): [remembering 'Daddy horny, Michael'] 'He said some wonderful things.'
Lucille Bluth: Lucille: '"Golf membership" want it?'
Tobias Fünke: Tobias in role-play therapy, playing Lindsay: 'Because I'm a woman! With a woman's needs! And a woman's urges! And these, Tobias. When was the last time you looked at these?'
Tobias Fünke: You've never been a real wife to me, Lindsay. A man is looking back at you. A man with dreams and aspirations!
Tobias Fünke · Lindsay Bluth Fünke: Tobias (as Lindsay, fighting with therapist's Lindsay): 'Right! If I'm no Schwimmer, you're no Jennifer Aniston!' / Lindsay: 'Maybe I'm not even Lisa Kudrow.'
Tobias Fünke: Maybe I'm not even Lisa Kudrow. I have dreams, Lindsay. Dreams, Lindsay.
Lindsay Bluth Fünke · Tobias Fünke: Lindsay (as Tobias in role-play): 'Well, then, Tobias... follow those dreams. Make those dreams happen.' / Tobias: 'Yes. I will. And... scene!'
Lindsay Bluth Fünke · Therapist: Therapist: 'Did that answer some questions for you?' / Lindsay: 'Yeah, I think it did. Now there are two men I wanna leave.'
Michael Bluth · Gob Bluth: Michael to Gob: 'Great news.' / Gob: 'Oh, good. I could use it.' / Michael: 'I just came from convincing Mom to have sex with Dad.' / Gob: 'God! What is wrong with you? That is disgusting!'
Gob Bluth: Gob: 'I have a sense of propriety. All right?'
Gob Bluth Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Callback Michael Bluth · Gob Bluth: Michael: 'Gob, I just wanted you to get the information.' / Gob: 'Oh, I got the information.' / Michael: 'You did? About the international accounts?' / Gob: 'I see what you're getting at. No, I didn't get any information.'
Gob Bluth · Michael Bluth: Oh, I got the information. You did, huh? About the international accounts? I see what you're getting at. No, I didn't get any information.
Michael Bluth: Michael: 'I'm gonna use the touch lamp to set the mood in the conjugal trailer when Dad's nailing Mom!'
Gob Bluth: Gob: 'No! Don't... Michael! You are filthy!'
Gob Bluth Character Comedy Reaction Beat Callback George Michael Bluth · Maeby Fünke: George Michael and Maeby's cousin awkward hug: 'Sometimes I don't know if it's gonna be a long or short hug or a middle-medium hug. It's hard to tell sometimes... That was a good hug. That's plenty for now. Hug's gotta end sometime, obviously.'
George Michael Bluth · Maeby Fünke: George Michael? Sorry. Sometimes I don't know if it's gonna be a long or short hug or a middle-medium hug. It's hard to tell sometimes. That was a good hug. That's plenty for now. Hug's gotta end sometime, obviously.
George Sr. · Michael Bluth: George Sr. to Michael: 'What are you doing here?' / Michael: 'You needed my help, and it was hard for you to ask, so I took it upon myself to bring her.' / George Sr.: 'That doesn't make you uncomfortable?' / Michael: 'The drive was a little awkward.'
Michael Bluth · George Bluth Sr.: You needed my help, and it was hard for you to ask, so I took it upon myself to bring her. / That doesn't make you uncomfortable? / The drive was a little awkward.
George Sr. · Lucille Bluth · Michael Bluth: George Sr.'s panicked reaction when Lucille enters: 'Hello, George.' / 'What the hell's your mother doing in here?' / 'I've done a bad thing. I've done a terrible thing.' / 'There's someone else in that trailer, isn't there?'
Michael Bluth · George Sr. · Lucille Bluth: Michael: 'How long? When did this start?' / George Sr.: 'Oh, come on! This is the first time.' / Lucille: 'Every Friday for the last eight years.'
Michael Bluth · George Sr.: Michael: 'Daddy... / George Sr.: 'Horny. I got that.'
George Sr.: George Sr.'s plan: 'I'll go in there with Kitty, I'll do my thing... and th-th-then I'll go and see your moth... This is a hard one.'
Michael Bluth · George Sr.: She's your secretary. You're right. Family first. Take care of Kitty. Michael. I need you now. 'International accounts' need me?
Michael Bluth · Gob Bluth: The deal: George Sr. agrees to reveal the international accounts; Michael ensures Kitty doesn't come out of the trailer. Then Michael calls Gob: 'I need you to come to the prison.' / Gob: 'I'm at the prison.' / Michael: 'You're here?'
Gob Bluth: Gob: 'I'm delivering this strongly worded letter I wrote... lit by nothing but natural light.'
Michael Bluth: Well, how would you like that touch lamp and the office and... what the hell... full use of the secretary?
Michael Bluth: Michael bribes Gob: 'How would you like that touch lamp and the office... and... what the hell... full use of the secretary?'
Lucille Bluth · George Sr.: Lucille in conjugal trailer: 'I'm not going to have sex with you, George. I came to tell you how much I hate you for what you've done to this family.'
George Sr. · Lucille Bluth: I, uh... Okay, I'll get down on the couch. I'm not going to have sex with you, George.
George Sr. · Lucille Bluth: George Sr.: 'The millions you pissed away on clothing and jewelry...' / Lucille: 'Yes, to keep you interested in the only thing you ever appreciated... my body.' / George Sr.: 'Can I help it if you've got a fantastic body? And you're as powerful as a bear.'
Gob Bluth · Kitty: Gob's glasses/hair routine with Kitty — reprise: 'Glasses off. Glasses on. Hair up. Glasses off. Down, on. Have we done up, off?'
Narrator · Warden James Buck · Gob Bluth: Gob had to do the right thing. [pause] But as he headed to his car, he ran into the warden, who had just read his strongly worded letter. Well, if it isn't 'Sincerely Yours.'
Gob Bluth · Warden James Buck: Gob, having left Kitty, runs into the warden outside the trailer his parents are using: 'Well, if it isn't 'Sincerely Yours.'' — and Gob is detained against the window of the trailer his parents are becoming intimate in.
Gob Bluth: Gob pressed against parents' trailer window: 'Oh, God, Mommy! What did you do?'
Michael Bluth: Michael to George Michael: 'I had to help out your grandfather... and then I had to vow that I would never help your grandfather again. Pretty much a normal day for me.'
George Michael Bluth: George Michael's prison anxiety speech: 'I don't wanna go to prison, Dad. I don't think I could take it. I know I act tough, but I...'
Michael Bluth · George Michael Bluth: Michael: 'I got news for you... he's, uh... he's guilty. He is?' / 'Oh, yeah. Incredibly guilty.'
Lindsay Bluth Fünke: On the next Arrested Development: Lindsay announces she wants to become an actor too.
George Sr. · Michael Bluth: Stinger: George Sr. reveals to Michael he may have committed 'some, um... light... treason.'
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