Michael Bluth

Narrator · Michael Bluth · George Sr.:Narrator: 'Michael Bluth was visiting his father in prison, anxious to get to the bottom of some mysterious bookkeeping... George Sr. was also anxious, but less about the bookkeeping.'

George Sr. · Michael Bluth:George Sr.: 'Word has it that they're getting Jose Canseco.' / Michael: 'I'm starting to wonder why I even bother coming.'

Kitty · Michael Bluth · Narrator:Kitty: 'Your wife's on line one.' — Michael's wife has been dead for two years.

Kitty · Michael Bluth:Kitty: 'That's actually not any of your business.' / Michael: 'My business. That's not any of my business.'

Michael Bluth:Michael: 'I've got news for you, Mom. I'm not visiting Dad in jail anymore.' — immediately undercut by his subsequent behavior.

Gob Bluth · Michael Bluth:Gob setting up 'an office' in Michael's office with a drafting table to write a 'strongly worded letter.'

Gob Bluth · Kitty · Michael Bluth:Gob to Kitty: 'Not as much as I like what's underneath it.' [re: outfit] / Michael: 'Gob!' / Gob: 'No, I need your chair. Get up. I've got a letter to write.'

Michael Bluth · George Michael Bluth:Michael arrives home happy: 'Hey, buddy! Came home early. Wanna do somethin'? Anything. Anything at all.' / George Michael: 'I wanna visit Pop-Pop in prison.'

Michael Bluth:Michael describes prison to George Michael: 'It's the opposite of scary. It's like a carnival. Without the half-person on the skateboard that grabbed your knee to steady himself.'

Michael Bluth:Michael: 'It's like a country club. All the guy does is eat ice cream and play softball all day.'

Michael Bluth:Michael returns with ice cream sandwiches: 'One of these got smooshed, but don't let that ruin prison for you.'

George Sr. · Michael Bluth:George Sr.'s confession: 'I do need you, Michael!' / 'Daddy horny, Michael.'

Michael Bluth · George Sr.:Michael: 'You've been here two months.' / George Sr.: 'It's hard to gauge time.' / Michael: 'Yeah, I'll bet.'

Michael Bluth:Michael struggling to ask Lucille to have sex with his father: 'I think that you should... visit him... in an... intimate... marital... trailer.'

Michael Bluth · Lucille Bluth:There are certain things that he can't get from his children. / If you're going to say 'pride,' you're wrong. He is proud of his children.

Lucille Bluth · Michael Bluth:Lucille: 'Are you mad? You think I'm comfortable asking you to do this?'

Lucille Bluth · Michael Bluth:Lucille: 'Did he say that he misses me? Does he need his wife's embrace?' / Michael (internal): [remembering 'Daddy horny, Michael'] 'He said some wonderful things.'

Michael Bluth · Gob Bluth:Michael to Gob: 'Great news.' / Gob: 'Oh, good. I could use it.' / Michael: 'I just came from convincing Mom to have sex with Dad.' / Gob: 'God! What is wrong with you? That is disgusting!'

Michael Bluth · Gob Bluth:Michael: 'Gob, I just wanted you to get the information.' / Gob: 'Oh, I got the information.' / Michael: 'You did? About the international accounts?' / Gob: 'I see what you're getting at. No, I didn't get any information.'

Gob Bluth · Michael Bluth:Oh, I got the information. You did, huh? About the international accounts? I see what you're getting at. No, I didn't get any information.

Michael Bluth:Michael: 'I'm gonna use the touch lamp to set the mood in the conjugal trailer when Dad's nailing Mom!'

George Sr. · Michael Bluth:George Sr. to Michael: 'What are you doing here?' / Michael: 'You needed my help, and it was hard for you to ask, so I took it upon myself to bring her.' / George Sr.: 'That doesn't make you uncomfortable?' / Michael: 'The drive was a little awkward.'

Michael Bluth · George Bluth Sr.:You needed my help, and it was hard for you to ask, so I took it upon myself to bring her. / That doesn't make you uncomfortable? / The drive was a little awkward.

George Sr. · Lucille Bluth · Michael Bluth:George Sr.'s panicked reaction when Lucille enters: 'Hello, George.' / 'What the hell's your mother doing in here?' / 'I've done a bad thing. I've done a terrible thing.' / 'There's someone else in that trailer, isn't there?'

Michael Bluth · George Sr. · Lucille Bluth:Michael: 'How long? When did this start?' / George Sr.: 'Oh, come on! This is the first time.' / Lucille: 'Every Friday for the last eight years.'

Michael Bluth · George Sr.:Michael: 'Daddy... / George Sr.: 'Horny. I got that.'

Michael Bluth · George Sr.:She's your secretary. You're right. Family first. Take care of Kitty. Michael. I need you now. 'International accounts' need me?

Michael Bluth · Gob Bluth:The deal: George Sr. agrees to reveal the international accounts; Michael ensures Kitty doesn't come out of the trailer. Then Michael calls Gob: 'I need you to come to the prison.' / Gob: 'I'm at the prison.' / Michael: 'You're here?'

Michael Bluth:Well, how would you like that touch lamp and the office and... what the hell... full use of the secretary?

Michael Bluth:Michael bribes Gob: 'How would you like that touch lamp and the office... and... what the hell... full use of the secretary?'

Michael Bluth:Michael to George Michael: 'I had to help out your grandfather... and then I had to vow that I would never help your grandfather again. Pretty much a normal day for me.'

Michael Bluth · George Michael Bluth:Michael: 'I got news for you... he's, uh... he's guilty. He is?' / 'Oh, yeah. Incredibly guilty.'

George Sr. · Michael Bluth:Stinger: George Sr. reveals to Michael he may have committed 'some, um... light... treason.'

Michael Bluth · Lucille Bluth:Michael: 'I can't believe I did this. My insurance rates are gonna go through the roof.' Lucille: 'That's not what matters now.'

Gob Bluth · Michael Bluth:Gob rushes back. Michael: 'What are you doing?' Gob: 'Hey. Open this door.' [Banging.] 'You've been set up.' Michael: 'There's no way you were trying to hurt me. You don't hate me. Mom hates me. You kind of like me.'

Lucille Bluth · Michael Bluth:Michael: 'Mom, you and I were getting along so well. I was thinking so highly of you. How could you make me think this was all my fault?' Lucille: 'Because if you knew it was my fault, you would've turned against me. And I had finally gotten you on my side.'

Michael Bluth · Narrator:TAG: Michael's insurance takes another hit. Michael is in another accident. 'Ow!' Then: 'I was definitely driving that time.'

Michael Bluth · George Michael Bluth:Michael Bluth was talking to his son about his latest test. 'A-minus, huh?' 'Proud of me?' 'Very proud... minus.'

Michael Bluth · Maeby Fünke:'Did you even study?' 'No, I didn't.' 'Wow. How impressive is that?'

Lindsay Fünke · Michael Bluth:Lindsay defends Maeby's C-plus; Michael corrects 'C-plus' to 'C-minus.' This mirrors the A-minus correction from the opening.

Michael Bluth · Narrator · George Bluth Sr. · J. Walter Weatherman:'You're as bad as Dad with his ridiculous lessons.' — followed immediately by a flashback of George Sr. staging an elaborate J. Walter Weatherman scenario.

Michael Bluth · Lindsay Fünke:'Those lessons worked, didn't they? We still leave notes to this day.' / 'Oh, that's what that was about. I thought he was trying to get us off dairy.'

Michael Bluth · Tobias Fünke:Tobias arrives asking for a favor from Michael. Michael's response: 'What happened to, "Hello. I need a favor"?'

Michael Bluth · Tobias Fünke:Michael: 'I'm gonna give you the cash, but, in return, I get to ask you for a favor sometime.' Tobias: 'My gut is telling me "No," but my gut is also very hungry.'

Michael Bluth · Lucille Bluth:Lucille greets Michael and says she needs a favor. Michael: 'We ought to put that on our family crest.'

Lucille Bluth · Michael Bluth:Lucille: 'They want me to prove no new purchases have been made with company money.' Michael: 'And there haven't been, right?' Lucille: 'Not after we doctor all these receipts.'

Michael Bluth:Michael: 'I've got a job. I gotta make some money so you can buy more things and destroy the evidence.'

Michael Bluth · George Michael Bluth:Michael notices George Michael's eyes are red and worries he's on drugs — but the actual reason is stress from over-studying.

Michael Bluth · George Michael Bluth:Michael tells George Michael to close his textbook and relax. George Michael slowly, agonizingly, cannot bring himself to remove his finger from the book. Michael has to coach him beat by beat.

Michael Bluth · George Michael Bluth:George Michael tells Buster he 'can't tell him it's for you.' Then Michael shows up and scolds George Michael for being at work when he told him to take the day off — then tells him to go be young and hands him $20.

Gob Bluth · Michael Bluth:Gob shows Michael the note George Michael left. '$200.' '$100.' '100. I accidentally said 200. I don't know...'

Gob Bluth · Michael Bluth:Gob then hands Michael a bag of marijuana: 'Anyway, here you go. Now we are even on you paying off that Hot Cops thing.'

Michael Bluth:Michael hears about the A-minus and immediately suspects drug use: 'He's been stressed, his eyes have been red, his grades are dropping. Heard about the A-minus.'

Michael Bluth · George Michael Bluth:Michael confronts George Michael: 'Your Uncle Gob seems to think he saw you down at the docks today. Was that you?' / 'No, no. Maybe it was the other George Michael... the singer-songwriter.' / 'Yeah, that makes sense.'

Michael Bluth · George Michael Bluth:Michael: 'What did you do with the money Buster and I gave you?' George Michael: 'I put that in my savings account.' Michael: 'Is that right?' George Michael: 'Yeah. Save up.' Michael: 'Okay. Thanks for being honest.'

Michael Bluth:Michael's talking-head: 'He's lying to me. Can you believe that? Where the hell is this family's morality?'

Michael Bluth · Buster Bluth · George Bluth Sr.:Michael and Buster discuss whether to yell at George Michael. Buster says: 'Didn't Dad teach us that we don't yell in this family?' — immediately cut to a flashback of George Sr. in a speedboat, unable to hear the warning not to hit the gas.

George Bluth Sr. · Michael Bluth:The boat flashback ends: 'That's why you don't yell.' / 'Yeah, yelling's not a good way to go.'

George Bluth Sr. · Michael Bluth:Michael asks George Sr. (in prison) to help set up a fake drug bust with J. Walter Weatherman. George Sr.: 'He's, uh, dead. You killed him when you left the door open with the air conditioner running.'

George Bluth Sr. · Michael Bluth:Michael explains his plan for a fake drug bust 'down by the docks.' George Sr.: 'Tonight? No. It's Yontif. It's the first night of Yom Kippur.'

Michael Bluth · George Bluth Sr.:Michael: 'Dad, that's just one night, and it's back in September.' George Sr.: 'That's okay. You've only been a Jew about two days.'

George Bluth Sr. · Michael Bluth:George Sr. checks the time: 'What time is it? Oh, almost sundown. I have to prepare for the Sabbath.' Michael: 'It's Tuesday.' George Sr.: 'Shh, shh, shh.'

Michael Bluth:Michael: 'They don't even need to be hot. They just need to show up in those uniforms.'

Michael Bluth · Gob Bluth:Michael's planning conversation with Gob: 'I want him scared. I love this kid.' / 'These guys are pros. They're gonna push the tension to the last possible moment before they strip.' / 'They're not going to strip, are they?' / 'I told them not to, but I can't promise that their instincts won't kick in.'

Gob Bluth · Michael Bluth · Hot Cop/Derek:The drug dealer (Hot Cop) starts to take his shirt off. Gob: 'Oh, my God.' Michael (from hiding): 'Nice, right?' Gob: 'Okay, you can put your shirt down, Derek. Just give him the stuff.'

Michael Bluth · Hot Cop:Michael: 'Aren't you guys gonna cuff him?' Hot Cop: 'You wanted handcuffs?'

Michael Bluth · George Michael Bluth:Michael reveals the bust to George Michael: 'George Michael, I hope you learned your lesson, pal.' / 'Okay.' / [beat] 'Okay, all right. Thank you. Thank you.'

Michael Bluth · Buster Bluth:Buster emerges from the shadows and admits the drugs were for him and his sick girlfriend. Michael: 'Why don't you just wait it out? She's gonna be gone soon.'

Buster Bluth · Michael Bluth · J. Walter Weatherman:Buster reacts to Michael's 'she's gonna be gone soon' by shouting 'Oh, that's it!' and then hitting Michael — and immediately the J. Walter Weatherman arm comes off.

Michael Bluth · George Bluth Sr.:Michael confronts George Sr.: 'So you taught me a lesson not to teach lessons?' George Sr.: 'It was my last lesson.'

Michael Bluth · George Michael Bluth:Michael to George Michael: 'I should learn to talk with you a little bit more, huh?' 'I think we're okay.' 'We are, aren't we?' 'You know there's nothing you can't be totally honest with me about. You can say anything to me, anything at all.' George Michael: 'Like, say, I had a crush on my own cousin.'

Michael Bluth:After George Michael's cousin confession, Michael just says: 'Hey.' — and the scene ends.

George Michael Bluth · Michael Bluth:George Michael tells Michael: 'You just taught me a lesson.' Michael: 'Oh.'

Narrator · Michael Bluth:Narrator explains Michael confronted Marta over 'Hermano' not knowing it means 'brother' — the cold open recap lands as an absurd dramatic irony

Marta · Michael Bluth:Marta: 'I also like your hair and your face and your breasts.' then 'You're so unlike your brother. Gob is like the cock of the walk.'

Marta · Michael Bluth:Michael: 'You're sensitive, like a woman.' Marta: 'That's enough.'

Marta · Michael Bluth:Marta: 'Is that Gob?' about loud, aggressive music playing. 'He likes to make love to this.'

Michael Bluth · Marta:Michael finds Gob's magic wand amid Marta's things. 'Gob's wand. Oh, this is so wrong.'

Michael Bluth · Marta:Michael: 'No, no, no. Not-Not-Not... Not... Not hot wrong. You know, regular wrong.'

Michael Bluth:Michael negotiates the logistics of betraying Gob in the most structured, project-managed way possible: 'You do the noble thing... I'm gonna do the noble thing... While I'm doing my noble thing you could put those photos in a box, get rid of the wand...'

Gob Bluth · Michael Bluth:Gob: 'Tell you what, you may not be good with women, but you are great with other people's women. I'll give you that.'

Michael Bluth · Buster Bluth · Gob Bluth:Michael: 'Mom always taught us to curl up in a ball and remain motionless when confronted.' Buster: 'That's what I did in high school when I almost got into a fight.' Gob: 'I think that was about being attacked by bears.'

Michael Bluth · Gob Bluth · Lucille Bluth:Michael answers the phone despite Gob screaming not to, then: 'Hello? — Oh, hi, Mom.' Gob: 'I'm not here.'

Michael Bluth · Barry Zuckerkorn:Michael: 'It's an arraignment. They just read the charges and we look like a loving family for, like, six minutes.' Barry: 'Ten minutes.' Michael: 'We couldn't get that down, huh?'

Gob Bluth · Michael Bluth:Michael tells Gob he'd like 'a crack at' Marta; Gob: 'Right, right. Sounds great. Go for it, buddy. But you know that she's kind of used to being with me, right? So it'd be sort of like going from prime rib to... I don't know... weird brother of prime rib.'

Michael Bluth:Michael: 'I've been watching her program, El Amor Prohibido... The Love That Is Forbidden. She is the love that's forbidden. The love of my hermano.'

Michael Bluth · Buster Bluth · Lucille Bluth:Michael relays Lucille's message to Buster: 'Mom wanted me to tell you that she doesn't care whether you live or die, but if you're not dead, she would like to see you at the courthouse in the blue sweater.'

Buster Bluth · Michael Bluth:Buster: 'Damn! I hate the blue sweater.' Michael: 'She said it would look nice with the gray pants.' Buster: 'Damn it! She's right!'

Michael Bluth · Marta:Michael to Marta: 'My brother said we can do it.' then immediately: 'That didn't come out as romantic as I'd hoped.'

Michael Bluth · Marta:Michael and Marta's romantic moment is interrupted by his phone ringing. 'Oh wait. You jinxed it. Don't worry. I'll turn it off.' Then: 'Mm. It's just my mother.'

Narrator · Michael Bluth:Narrator/Michael observing George Sr. in court: 'Oh, for God's sake. He's on his own for two days, and he joins a gang.'

Michael Bluth · Gob Bluth · Lucille Bluth:Michael and Gob begin fighting in the courtroom during the arraignment reading; Lucille: 'How dare you!' Michael: 'Now, come on. You said it was okay. And nothing happened!' Lucille: 'Oh, did I?' Gob: 'Take it easy.'

Barry Zuckerkorn · Michael Bluth:Barry also flees the courthouse: 'What are you doing? They'll add ten years to your sentence.' Barry: 'They'll never catch me!'

Michael Bluth · Gob Bluth:Michael and Gob reconcile: 'And what are we doing? Hey, we're brothers. That's gotta count for something.' Gob: 'That counts for everything.'

Michael Bluth · Gob Bluth · Buster Bluth:Buster finally gets punched — then: Michael: 'Well, it's effective.' Gob: 'Yeah, it really is.'

Gob Bluth · Michael Bluth:Gob: 'If you'd slept with more than four women, you'd know that.' / Michael: 'I have, Gob.' / Gob: 'More than five?' / [beat] / 'Let's say five.'

Michael Bluth · Maggie Lizer:Michael gives his fake name: 'Chareth Cutestory' — Maggie says 'Cutestory?' / 'Yes. Chareth Cutestory.' / 'That's an interesting name.' / 'Is it?'

Michael Bluth · Gob Bluth:Michael: 'I told you to walk away. I told you to give a fake name.' / Michael: 'I did. Thanks very much. I'm Chareth Cutestory, a pirate lawyer.'

Maggie Lizer · Michael Bluth:Maggie: 'I can smell right through you, Chareth. You're reading.' / Michael: 'Leash your dog, you...' [stops]

Michael Bluth · Lucille Bluth:Michael is excited that the family didn't notice they left — then Lucille shouts 'Michael, phone!' proving they thought he was still there

Michael Bluth · George Michael Bluth:Michael tells George Michael not to say Phoenix and then says Phoenix himself — twice — while telling George Michael not to say where they're going

Michael Bluth:Michael pretends he came back to 'be a role model' and 'write Buster a check' — transparent rationalizations for needing the checkbook

Michael Bluth:Michael: 'This is crazy. What am I doing? Using a hammer?' — found sledgehammering the wall looking for hidden family valuables

Doctor · Michael Bluth · Family:Doctor: 'It... looks like he's dead.' — family reacts in horror — then Michael: 'Just to be clear. It looks like he's dead, or he is dead?'

Michael Bluth · Police Officer:Police officer grabs the wrong person again — 'Hey, hey. Enough. / Whoa, hey. You might want to have that looked at.'

Michael Bluth · Gob Bluth:[Clatters] 'Damn it. This thing got pushed in again.' / 'Gonna need a butter knife.'

Michael Bluth · George Bluth Sr.:Michael confronts his father: 'I even stooped to cheat here at a softball game.' George Sr.: 'You've been talking to each other. How come nobody called me?'

Michael Bluth:'We're not here to talk nonsense to Bob Loblaw' — Michael's straight-man line that accidentally mirrors the 'blah blah blah' joke

George Sr. · Larry Mittleman · Michael Bluth:George Sr. through the surrogate Larry Mittleman threatens to spank Michael's ass raw, then Michael asks 'I'm sorry, have we met?' as if this is a stranger

Michael Bluth · Rita · Narrator:Michael describes Rita as 'exquisitely beautiful, fun, carefree, smart, full of surprises' — then the narrator reveals she's secretly working with a suspicious British man who's dropping her off

Bob Loblaw · Michael Bluth · George Sr.:The 'shred the evidence' exchange: Bob Loblaw says it's illegal, Michael keeps interpreting legal speech as encouragement to shred, and Bob winks and says 'wink'

Michael Bluth · Gob Bluth · George Sr. · Maeby Fünke · George Michael Bluth:Steve Holt is revealed to be Gob's son — Gob denies it, George Sr. corrects him, and Michael and Maeby realize they've been dating their cousin

Michael Bluth · Rita:Michael says 'I guess this is what the British think of Americans — they like our food.' Rita responds 'Whatever do you mean?'

Michael Bluth · Rita:Michael says 'your average American male is in a perpetual state of adolescence, you know — arrested development.' Rita: 'Hey, that's the name of the show.'

Michael Bluth · Rita · Lucille Bluth · Narrator:Michael sees his mother appearing and immediately tells Rita he doesn't have a family: 'I don't have a family. I can't believe I've never told anybody that before.'

Michael Bluth · Gob Bluth:Michael catches Gob shredding the evidence boxes and says 'Gob, you can't shred this evidence. You'll end up in jail.' Gob: 'Dad told me to. How can I say no to that face?'

Michael Bluth · Buster Bluth · Lucille Bluth:Michael arrives home to find it covered in family photos and evidence; George Sr. is being 'surrogated' by Buster wearing a sealskin coat — 'by wearing her sealskin coat?'

George Michael Bluth · Michael Bluth:George Michael tells Michael 'I'm doing your cousin tonight' — Michael says 'So are you.' George Michael: 'What?' Michael: 'She's your cousin, too.'

Michael Bluth · Lucille Bluth · Buster Bluth:After knocking out Rita: 'You made a mistake. You're human... except for the hand.' / 'And soft. Soft and alive.' / 'All right, let's not add that to the charges.'

Michael Bluth · Gob Bluth:Michael identifies the pill: 'Gob, this is Flunitrazepam. It's a roofie. Those are illegal.' Gob: 'Shut up, Mom. Don't make me give you another one of these.'

Michael Bluth · Narrator:Michael calls in: 'Hi, it's Michael. I will be coming to the party because I love you, too.' The banner 'Welcome Rita' is being taken down and they have to make a new one.

Michael Bluth · Gob Bluth:Michael calls the answering machine to tell his family he loves them, only for Gob to be right there listening: 'Hi, it's Michael. I will be coming to the party because I love you, too.'

Michael Bluth · Rita · Narrator:Michael brings Rita to the party. She sees the family. Everyone freezes. Narrator: 'Michael feared he'd been caught in a lie about his family. His family feared they'd been caught by a woman they clubbed, drugged and left on a bench. It was awkward.'

Narrator · Michael Bluth:The banner is revealed: 'Family Love...' — apparently the rest is cut off or implies something inappropriate

Michael Bluth · Gob Bluth:Michael confesses he lied to Rita: 'I was embarrassed by them.' Then the family's reaction: 'Everybody's favorite son. Mr. Terrible.'

Gob Bluth · Michael Bluth · Rita:Gob tries to give Rita a Forget-Me-Now: 'Take this and love us again. No, just take it!' while Michael fights him off. Rita: 'Um, I'm leaving, too.'

Michael Bluth:Michael: 'Well, I think even the anti-drug people are going to be okay with that.'

Michael Bluth · Lindsay Bluth Fünke:'The thing you say on page seven looks like it could be worth some money.'

Gob Bluth · Michael Bluth:Michael admits to the family he was embarrassed by them and tried to impress Rita; Gob comforts him: 'She'd be lucky to have you, Michael. Sometimes you do surprise me.' Gob: 'I've got one more surprise for you.' Then begins singing 'It ain't easy being whi...'

Gob Bluth · Michael Bluth:Gob to Michael: 'She'd be lucky to have you, Michael. Sometimes you do surprise me. I've got one more surprise for you.'

Michael Bluth · Rita:Michael tells Rita everything: 'I'll start with the misdemeanors and then we're going to push right on through to the lighter treasons.' — then begins: 'So, 1983...'

Michael Bluth · Lucille 2:Michael says 'I'm gonna have sex with you for money' to Lucille 2

Gob Bluth · Michael Bluth:Gob offers 'bad example': 'if you were ashamed of being in love with a man, suddenly discovered these new feelings, then I might say something like, "Homo much?"' — 'It's not that.' — 'I said "Bad example."'

Gob Bluth · Michael Bluth:Gob desperately tries to roofie Michael to make him forget his shame: 'Take this, Michael, forget, forget... Put the mask back on. Forget this, Michael. Forget, forget, Michael. Forget, now is the time to forget. Now you're forgetting. Now you're forgetting.'

Michael Bluth · George Michael Bluth:Michael has tried 'family' as his password: 'George Michael, what is my log-on password again?' / 'I have tried "family." It does not work for me.' / 'No, privacy.'

Michael Bluth · George Michael Bluth:Michael: 'We have no secrets from each other. We know everything there is to know about each other. We're like twins.' George Michael: 'I don't see us as twins.'

Michael Bluth:Michael points at a student and says 'Look at that guy. He thinks he's a musician' then immediately pivots to praising himself: 'People say I don't age... "Hey, look at that guy. He's got the hair of a teenager." And I say, "Take your best shot" because I think that that's a good thing because I'm self-effacing.'

Michael Bluth · Narrator · News Anchor:Michael suggests 'Boy George' as an alternative name, and the BBC news clip immediately plays: 'Singer Boy George in the news again today, this time for sexual assault in a men's public bathroom.'

Michael Bluth:Michael awkwardly tries to acknowledge that George Michael wants space: 'Um, look, listen, hey, hey, look, look, listen. Listen, look it. Are you listening? You want your space. I get it.' — unable to say it simply

Michael Bluth:Michael's guilt-trip: 'They don't have Internet there, so I'll just put the law school on, on, on pause. It's not like the first time that I've done that. You know, last time I did that, you were born.'

Michael Bluth · George Michael Bluth:Michael holds up a college shirt and says 'You know, same size — medium. Do you know where mine is? We wear the same size like twi... We're just like twin-- couple of identical...' then trails off as George Michael stares at him

Michael Bluth · George Michael Bluth:The software George Michael is developing is revealed to be called 'Faceblock' — 'Facebook connects you with everyone, this blocks you from everyone.' Michael: 'Oh, okay. Kind of like the antisocial network, right?' George Michael: 'That's very good. You can use it.'

Michael Bluth:Michael explains his plan: the article about him is in 'Altitude,' OutWest Airlines' in-flight magazine — 'Next to SkyMall, it's, like, the number two most read in all of coach. Well, three with the safety card.'

Michael Bluth:Michael's TGI Friday's Skype joke: 'I got to Skype with my advisor in Phoenix, and if I don't get on right now, he's gonna have to Skype me from a T.G.I. Friday's.'

Michael Bluth · George Michael Bluth:Michael's emotional journey in 3 seconds: 'Whew. 'Cause that hurt for a second. I was like, he wants me to go. But no. Yeah? No. No... I mean, yeah, I may need some privacy... and that might mean... you going.'

Michael Bluth · George Michael Bluth:Michael's calendar is 'stuck on 2003': 'It's, like, stuck on 2003, so I don't have "today." I need to jump forward...' George Michael: 'No, I know, there's a button that says "today."' Michael: 'Yeah, this has no button.'

Michael Bluth · George Michael Bluth:Michael's meal plan card scheme: 'I'm gonna run in, grab a tray, you run around back, make sure you get there in time before my hand stamp dries.'

Michael Bluth:'Well, I missed the hearing... Oh, it just snuck up on me, and then they called, and they wanted me there at eight bells. You know, I thought that was their 5:00 p.m.' Michael's maritime law misunderstanding — he thought 'eight bells' meant 5pm

Michael Bluth:The courtroom 'reverted back to the crab restaurant' after the hearing passed. Michael: 'By the time I got back, the courtroom was reverted back to the crab restaurant.'

Narrator · Michael Bluth:Michael has a detailed knowledge of maritime law from playing a lawyer in a school play called 'The Trial of Captain Hook' — and before that, 'his only dream had been to possess the power of flight. But that one turned out to be not as much fun as he thought. Watch out for the seal! Loose seal! Loose seal!'

Michael Bluth · George Sr. · Lucille Bluth:George Sr. and Lucille announce they're getting divorced. Michael's response: 'I want to know... [beat] I want to know about the stimulus package.'

Lucille Bluth · Michael Bluth:Lucille: 'Michael, you never accept help from anyone. That's why we didn't cut you in. We didn't want to demean you. It's like tipping an African-American. You wouldn't tip an African-American, would you?' Michael: 'Of course I would.' Lucille: 'On a train?'

Michael Bluth:Michael: 'Even a waiter?' (re: tipping African-Americans) — completely losing track of the moral point in the middle of a bizarre racism tangent

Workers · Michael Bluth:The treadmill is installed, the door is on, and the faux paint is matched — workers leave while the family implodes. Then: 'So long.' followed by a pause and a door closing.

Michael Bluth · Lucille Bluth:Michael: 'And now perjury.' — after Lucille says she just wants him to testify that she was 'a loving mother'

Michael Bluth · Narrator:Michael dramatically announces 'You know what, I am done with this family' — and then the narrator immediately notes: 'But he did anyway.'

Michael Bluth · Realtor:A realtor visits Sudden Valley and observes: 'Maybe I can give you a tip. Might want to put a road up to this place.' Michael: 'Well, we paved the neighborhood. Just waiting for the city to build a road to it.'

Michael Bluth:Visual gag: Michael's ghost-town housing development — a tumbleweed or equivalent sign of abandonment visible as he wanders the empty streets he built

Michael Bluth:'Well, that's not a great sign.' — Michael observes something ominous in the ghost town

Michael Bluth:'This is why you don't confide in a competitor.' — Michael reacts to what appears to be a betrayal shown on a news segment

Michael Bluth · George Michael Bluth:Michael arrives for Thanksgiving at George Michael's dorm: 'I thought we'd have Thanksgiving here for your senior year.' / 'I don't have a kitchen.' / 'Oh, these are my clothes.'

Michael Bluth:'Pete died.' — Michael announces this after the clothes revelation, as if it's a relevant explanation

Michael Bluth · P-Hound:P-Hound's roommate says 'There's a computer lab?' simultaneously with Michael saying 'There's a computer lab?'

Michael Bluth · George Michael Bluth · Maeby Fünke:George Michael's roommate P-Hound suggests a vote on who stays in the dorm room — which Michael immediately co-opts into a political strategy session

Michael Bluth · George Michael Bluth · Maeby Fünke:Maeby is revealed to be in the dorm: 'There is a kind of girl here.' / 'Didn't say it was your cousin.' / 'Well, he doesn't know.' / 'Now, that's smart. Let him think there's a girl in here.'

Michael Bluth:Michael: 'Wow, you think, you think that he'd vote against me?' — genuinely surprised that P-Hound would vote against him in a vote where Michael is voting against himself

Michael Bluth · George Michael Bluth · Maeby Fünke:Michael's voting scheme breaks down mathematically — Maeby correctly points out the math error that produces a tie

Michael Bluth:The planning continues through missed organic chemistry class: 'So we got two scenarios. It's either two votes against P-Hound, one vote against Maeby, one against me, with that vote being my own; or if it's two votes against me, then clearly P-Hound is being nasty, that triggers a recount, and then it's a P-Hound blitz.'

Michael Bluth · George Michael Bluth:George Michael tries to say 'Dad, you know, I've really loved living with you...' and Michael immediately cuts him off: 'No talking. No talking once the votes come in. You're just right out the door. That's the missing piece. That's it. This plan is foolproof.'

Michael Bluth · Narrator:The vote begins: Michael reads first vote — 'Michael' — then: 'Huh, what are you gonna do?' Second vote: '...Michael.' Narrator: 'Michael expected this, but didn't expect the sting. Wow.'

Michael Bluth:Third vote: '...Michael.' Followed by a long pause. Then Michael asks: 'Did you mean to write "George Michael"?'

Narrator · Michael Bluth:The narrator wonders why Michael opens the fourth ballot: 'Was it out of hope or confusion?' — and whatever is on it is worse than three Michael votes

Michael Bluth:Visual gag: Michael reads the fourth ballot and is utterly destroyed — we see only his face falling. Long pause. Then he does 'the only thing he could think of to save face.' More silence. Then he leaves.

Michael Bluth · Ticket Agent:Michael goes to the airport to get a copy of Altitude magazine and tries to explain himself to the ticket agent: 'I was mistakenly voted out of a four-person housing situation, uh, in a pack-first, no-talking-after scenario. Does that clear it up for you?'

Ticket Agent · Michael Bluth:Ticket agent: 'That leaves three other votes.' — after Michael explains he voted against himself to spare his son

Michael Bluth · Ticket Agent:Ticket agent refuses to give Michael the magazine: 'We don't even give out honey nuts, so we're not gonna give you a magazine.' Michael: 'Who wants honey nuts?' / 'I don't want the honey nuts.'

Michael Bluth · Ticket Agent:Michael buys a ticket to 'your cheapest destination' — Pittsburgh. Then asks for 'the second cheapest.'

Michael Bluth · TSA Agent:At security: 'But you've got nothing in your luggage.' / 'I wasn't supposed to be traveling today. I told you, it was a voting situation, there was a miscalculation.' / 'Well, I mean, obviously P-Hound's gonna vote against you.'

Michael Bluth:'These three people with burkas just walked right by you.' — Michael redirects the TSA agent's attention to missed security threats while defending himself

Michael Bluth:Michael is assigned a seat without a seat-back pocket — no magazine. He has to ask four passengers back before finding one.

Michael Bluth · Narrator:Michael 'kicked himself for a pose he thought would express humility to Sanjiv, the Altitude photographer' — implying a deeply embarrassing photo in the magazine

Michael Bluth · Narrator:Michael steps out of the Phoenix airport: 'Hope you know a good place to live because I'm... Ooh, dear Lord.' The narrator: 'Whoa, Mother of God! Dear Lord! Whoo!'

Michael Bluth · Lindsay Bluth:Michael returns to the model home at the end. He sees someone: 'Buster.' / 'No... no, Gob.' / 'Oh! It was Lindsay.' — three wrong guesses in a row

Michael Bluth:'She's fine. You're lucky we didn't have an autumn, otherwise she'd be colder.'

George Sr. · Michael Bluth:'We're getting a divorce.' / 'I want to know about the stimulus package.'

Lucille Bluth · Michael Bluth:'We haven't had sex since Christmas, Michael! / Uh... I'm... I'm sorry. / You had sex seven weeks ago?'

Michael Bluth · Narrator:Michael takes a job at a company that drives a car photographing every private residence — but the show blurs out the Google Street View car and logo, with the narrator saying 'we're just going to blur it anyway' and Michael told to 'something' it.

Narrator · Michael Bluth:I'm used to a car with some stares. Albeit one that had trouble negotiating low-hanging obstacles.

Narrator · Michael Bluth:This is going to be low. / I hooked it. — Visual: the Google camera car knocking into a low-hanging obstacle.

Narrator · Michael Bluth:'Ankles' means 'leaves' in Variety, Michael.

Michael Bluth · Kitty Sanchez:Kitty: 'I'm a D girl.' Michael: 'No, I don't want to see them.' / Kitty: 'It means development. I'm a movie executive.'

Michael Bluth · Kitty Sanchez · Narrator:Michael: 'You're probably going to call me a pig for this, too, but are you sure that you meant to say "knew"?' Narrator: 'She did.' — followed by extended explanation of what Kitty actually blew.

Michael Bluth · Ron Howard lookalike:Little Ron: 'Hey, nice try, mister. We're never going to beat the original.' Michael: 'Well, that's what I've been saying.'

Ron Howard · Michael Bluth:Ron Howard is finishing 'casting this Andy Griffith Show thing' and has been reading about it for 40 years.

Ron Howard · Michael Bluth:Ron Howard: 'Hey, let's go inside the LEM. You want to? Is this the one that landed on the moon?' Ron: 'On a soundstage.' Michael: 'Oh, right, from Apollo 13.' Ron: 'No, no, 1969.'

Michael Bluth · Ron Howard:Michael: 'Whoa! Hang on, are you kidding me? I'm a Phoenix. I've never met anyone else in person that also goes there.' Ron: 'I guess that's the downside of going to college online.' Michael: 'Well, I just got a sick aunt down there.'

Ron Howard · Michael Bluth:Ron: 'Your wife is dying. You're trying to hold your family together.' Michael: 'Oh, gosh, no, no. My wife died years before any of this.' Ron: 'I think it's a lot more fun if we see her die.'

Michael Bluth · Ron Howard · Narrator:Michael assuming 'my girl Rebel' refers to Ron Howard's mistress — talking conspiratorially in the LEM — while Ron is actually referring to his daughter.

Michael Bluth · Ron Howard:Michael: 'I'm not one to judge. I'm sure you've all got girls up here in Hollywood.' Ron: 'Brian's got two boys.'

Michael Bluth · Narrator:Michael is given a producer card that accidentally makes him a producer. He's delighted. Narrator: 'Health plan is not another one of the perks, by the way. No health plan.'

Barry Zuckerkorn · Michael Bluth:Barry: 'It sounds like Ron Howard is casting with his (BLEEP).' Michael: 'Well, it is hard to believe, but I guess they've all got their mistresses up here in showbiz.'

Michael Bluth · Barry Zuckerkorn · Narrator:George Bluth Sr.'s father never signed birthday cards — only gave money orders — because he claimed he 'didn't have a signature.' Barry rhymes: 'Oh! If you don't sign, you will be fine.'

Michael Bluth · Rebel Alley:Michael bumping into Rebel Alley — literally — in a meet-cute so clichéd she was literally auditioning for a scene exactly like it.

Michael Bluth · Rebel Alley:Michael: 'My deceased wife had red hair.' Rebel: 'Yep, garbage like that.'

Rebel Alley · Michael Bluth:Rebel: 'And it's so unbelievable. Like, they never get each other's names.' — and then neither Michael nor Rebel ever get each other's names throughout the scene.

Michael Bluth:Michael: 'I'm a movie producer. Sorry. I'm a movie... Here, I've got... I've got proof here. Huh?' — showing his accidental producer card.

Narrator · Michael Bluth:The narrator: 'It wasn't until Michael had walked two blocks past the California Pizza Kitchen when this happened. Hey, I met a girl today and her name is (BLEEP).'

Michael Bluth:Michael searching headshots for the unnamed woman: 'Nothing? She was super-pretty, red hair...'

Michael Bluth · George Bluth Sr.:George Sr. hiding in Lucille 2's apartment — then Michael points out he's in the wrong Lucille's apartment.

George Bluth Sr. · Michael Bluth:George Sr.: 'I just came back to get some suits, you know, so I can look like the uptight, dishonest, cheating boob that I am.' Michael: 'Well, I never said "boob."'

Michael Bluth · George Bluth Sr.:Michael's prolonged pause while trying to think of a nice word for how George Sr. will be portrayed in the movie — nearly 30 seconds — before managing 'Nice.'

Kitty Sanchez · Narrator · Michael Bluth:Explanation of why Michael's office ceiling is so low: Brian and Ron wanted taller ceilings, Bruckheimer blocked the building height, so Ron said '(BLEEP) you, Jerry' and lowered his floor. Brian then wanted his ceiling just a few inches taller than Ron's — causing Michael's office to be lowest of all.

Kitty Sanchez · Michael Bluth:Michael's office has even lower ceilings than Ron's, because Brian wanted his ceiling higher than Ron's — an internal competition within the same company.

Kitty Sanchez · Michael Bluth:Kitty accuses Michael of 'starting with the casting couch already' — then: 'This is Imagine Entertainment, not the hot tub at Bruckheimer Tower. We make family movies, you (BLEEP) pig.'

Carl Weathers · Michael Bluth:Carl Weathers: 'I know what you're thinking. "What part would I play in this?"' Michael: 'I didn't want to waste you on you.' 'In fact, I wasn't even going to talk to you about acting, but if you are game, boy, that would be great. Let's circle back to that.'

Michael Bluth · Narrator:Michael: 'Who knows my father better than Warden Gentles?' — hiring the prison warden as screenwriter.

Warden Stefan Gentles · Michael Bluth:Warden Gentles: 'Then the yellow robot gets mad at the pink robot...' Michael interrupts: 'Correction. The purple robot.' Warden: 'Sorry, I'm back to back today.'

Warden Stefan Gentles · Michael Bluth · Conan O'Brien:Warden: 'Might I suggest bringing in someone younger to play the father? A Philip Seymour Hoffman type?' — then Michael immediately cuts to: 'And so, naturally, I thought of you' — speaking to Conan O'Brien.

Conan O'Brien · Michael Bluth:Conan: 'You came over for a chicken and ham-water dinner that my family threw to raise some funds for itself.' 'And they're finally getting around to making a movie of that, huh?' 'There's more to it than that.' Conan: 'That just saved me 12 bucks. I'm not going to see it.'

Conan O'Brien · Michael Bluth · Andy Richter:Conan to Michael: 'Hey, you're new.' Michael: 'I've been here a year.' Conan: 'And you're funny, too. Let's get you set up in a writer's office. You can have Andy's if you don't mind the smell of bologna.'

Ron Howard · Michael Bluth:Ron: 'You know, I thought it was Cuba with the perfect Carl Weathers makeup.' Michael: 'No, no, Cuba doesn't have that kind of range.'

Narrator · Michael Bluth:Michael's 'Orange County Imagine' office sign is so similar to 'Imaging' (medical) that the office receives confused medical patients.

George Bluth Sr. · Michael Bluth:Michael and George Sr. tussle over the Mexican porn — 'See, this is the (BLEEP) kayak all over again.'

George Bluth Sr. · Michael Bluth:George Sr.: 'Told you so.' — immediately after Michael starts to say his father might say 'I told you so.'

George Bluth Sr. · Michael Bluth:George Sr.: 'Do you know a guy named Herbert Love?' / Michael: 'I know a lot of people, sure, 'cause I'm a big producer now.' / George Sr.: 'He ate a mouse.'

Michael Bluth:Michael: 'I lied about being a big shot to impress this girl whose name I don't even know.' — confessing to his father.

Ron Howard · Michael Bluth:Ron Howard: 'The father-son relationship I was interested in was not you and your father, it was you and your son. You're the father.' Michael: 'But that would make my son the son.' Ron: 'Bingo.'

Rebel Alley · Michael Bluth:Rebel Alley appears at the Ealing Club playing bagpipes — Michael hears her playing and immediately changes his mind about abandoning the producer role.

Michael Bluth · Rebel Alley:Rebel: 'She actually dies on camera.' Michael: 'Well, make her mentally challenged and I'll thank you in my Oscar speech.'

Rebel Alley · Michael Bluth:Rebel: 'There's a part like that, too, only she comes in later and she's British, so she doesn't seem... No one could ever tell that she's disabled.'

Michael Bluth · Rebel Alley · Narrator:Age comparison of sons: Rebel: 'Lem's six in August.' Michael: 'Seven in July.' Narrator: 'Michael regretted the lie, so he sort of split the difference.' Michael: 'Teen. 17. In July.'

Michael Bluth · Narrator:Michael finally sees Rebel's name — as a tattoo — after sleeping with her. Narrator: 'Oh, my God... I'm dating Ron Howard's girlfriend.' Actually, she's his daughter. 'But that's kind of worse, don't you think?'

Michael Bluth · Narrator:Fake 'next episode' preview: Michael goes to a doctor about a hernia — 'That is a hernia. I'm gonna send you to my guy at Hoag Hospital. They call him the Bulge Whisperer. He does 20 of these a week.'

Buster Bluth · Michael Bluth · George Sr.:Oh, and a fish swam by my ankle. That really happened. Should I keep that? / Make it an eel. / Okay. / It's gonna be an eel! / Better.

Lucille Bluth · Michael Bluth:So happy to help. / Me, too.

Michael Bluth:She's a redhead now, and she's dating Herbert Love, but other than her looks and her belief system, she's the same old Lindsay.

Michael Bluth · Lucille Bluth:She is not dating Ron Howard, Mother. / Ron Howard is her father, okay? / Your mind...

Michael Bluth:in my family, we play a game called 'If You Do Something For Me.'

Michael Bluth · Lem:Tell me what you know about this 'George Maharis.' / Not much. He's old. / Is he older than me? / A few years. / He looks like you. / So, handsome.

Lucille Bluth · Michael Bluth:George Maharis. / George— that's your brother's first name. / George Oscar Bluth. / Yes, uh, George is Gob's first name, yep.

Michael Bluth · Gene Parmesan · Lucille Bluth:Where the hell am I gonna find a P.I.? / Gene Parmesan... at your service. / Gene! / He does this to me every time!

Michael Bluth · Gene Parmesan:This is the great disguise, huh? / Fry cook! / Oh, no, no, this is my horrible night job. / In fact, I was hoping you could drop me off at Chicken Dan's when we're all done.

Michael Bluth · Gene Parmesan:That is embarrassing. / This from a man who's driving around a mapping car?

Gene Parmesan · Michael Bluth:You know, the great thing about these is, there's no software to update... / Oh, God, what are you doing? / Sorry.

George Michael · Michael Bluth:George Michael and Michael each claim to be stuck in traffic behind a light aircraft that landed on the 605 — both lying to each other simultaneously

Michael Bluth:Michael narrates his own documenting of the 'plane crash' scene for his documentary, including interviewing a paramedic named 'Tim Ridge... Ridgley...'

Michael Bluth:"Smartphone, stupid man."

Michael Bluth:"They're being real tight-assed about this camera thing."

Michael Bluth · Ron Howard:Ron mistakes Michael for someone else; Michael has to remind him 'No, no, it's Michael. Michael Bluth.'

Michael Bluth:"Although, in fairness, this is something a Bluth brother would do."

Michael Bluth · Narrator:Michael attempts to be a 'down-to-earth rich guy' with Rebel — 'although by doing so, he was neither'

Michael Bluth · George Michael:Michael calls George Michael while George Michael is straightening up his room in preparation for Rebel — each tries to cancel on the other using family-first language

Maeby Fünke · Michael Bluth:Maeby runs into Michael while he's looking for George Michael's signature for his movie. She says 'I think movies are dead. Maybe it's a TV show.'

Michael Bluth:"You're dating Rebel Alley? Yeah. I have a picture of us to prove it; I can't find it, but yeah."

Maeby Fünke · Michael Bluth:Maeby realizes she's speaking to the 'other guy' Rebel is dating and sees her revenge opportunity — she tells Michael that Rebel is dumping 'the other guy' because he's 'too serious' and 'easily-breezily' is what she wants

Michael Bluth · Rebel Alley:Michael's speech to Rebel about keeping things 'easy-peasy' collapses into accidentally proposing marriage: '...walking down the aisle, you know, and... I'm saying it wrong, saying it wrong...'

Michael Bluth · Rebel Alley · Narrator:Rebel tells Michael he's 'coming on too strong. Bugging me.' — Michael: 'Oh, uh, you want to come in?' / 'No.' / [beat] / 'Yeah? Yeah.' / It was the best sex Michael had ever had.

Michael Bluth · Rebel Alley:"Are you gonna call me?" / "If I'm in traffic."

Narrator · Michael Bluth:A song plays: '♪ I just stole this fair young miss / From a big shot, George Mahar... ♪' — then is cut off by subtitle spam

Michael Bluth · George Michael:George Michael arrives at Sudden Valley and Michael runs into him: 'George Michael, what are you doing here?' / 'I'm home.' — George Michael has bought a house in Sudden Valley

Michael Bluth:Michael reacts to George Michael's house purchase: 'Why would you buy one of these pieces of sh...' / '...short-term investments?'

George Michael · Michael Bluth:"It's a great community. Nobody locks their doors around here." / Michael: "You should."

Michael Bluth · George Michael · Narrator:George Michael tells Michael about his girlfriend (Rebel): 'I haven't been completely honest with her... I haven't even told her my real name.' / Michael: 'Oh, great... pain fades slowly.' Then corrects: 'Quickly.'

Michael Bluth · George Michael:Michael tells George Michael about his own situation: 'They're both over.' / 'Yeah, it wasn't meant to be.' / 'I'm sorry.' — and then: 'Hey, you know what I miss on you? The mustache.'

Michael Bluth · Lucille Austero:Michael attempts to seduce Lucille 2 in exchange for a loan extension: rings falling ('I didn't realize how heavy these rings are'), admitting he panicked when he thought she was going to kiss him

Michael Bluth:"Let's take a tumble with Old Moneybags, right? And she'll be so grateful that she'll walk away from $700,000."

Michael Bluth · Lucille Austero:Michael: 'However, my lovemaking would be, you know...' [trails off] / Lucille 2: 'What? What, Michael? What were you gonna say?' / Michael: 'Something that I would never be able to take back, but...'

Michael Bluth · George Michael:Michael and George Michael run into each other leaving Rebel's building — Michael: 'I'm vi... I'm on a visit. I'm visiting.'

Michael Bluth:Michael notices a gift bag: 'Is that a... is that a little gift for Rebel?' — and then the dawning realization: 'I'm dating Rebel Alley.'

Michael Bluth:"So there better be two Rebels in here, am I right?" — Michael's attempted deflection before confirming the overlap

Michael Bluth:"Did I not tell you that we were alike? Exactly alike. [...] Are we not like twins? All the way down to the photo booth."

George Michael · Michael Bluth:George Michael: 'Well, Dad, you know, I never, in a million years, would have gone out with her, if I knew that you were, you know, the other guy.' / Michael: 'Me, neither.' / 'I wouldn't have, either.'

George Michael · Michael Bluth:'How'd you know about the photo booth?' — George Michael's suspicious question about how Michael knew they'd both used the photo booth with Rebel

Michael Bluth:Michael tries to explain the photo booth reference: 'I said "Right down to the photo booth."' [beat] / 'I said, "Right down to the photo booth."' — repeating his own words as defense

Narrator · Michael Bluth:Narrator: 'Michael Bluth had been away from his family for two months, and his life had never seemed better.'

Michael Bluth · Narrator:'It's just one space after a period?' workplace retraining joke

Michael Bluth · Instructor:Michael greets self-defense instructor with 'Konnichiwa' — a Japanese greeting at what appears to be a Spanish/Latino context, then segues into family dynamics

Michael Bluth · Instructor:Michael at a family self-defense class: 'maybe just one of their kids can take a swing at me, huh?' — then instructor clarifies 'This class is geared more to self-defense FOR the family, not from the family'

Instructor · Michael Bluth:Instructor: 'Do you have family-on-family stuff? A few years ago, I would have given you the same look.'

Narrator · Michael Bluth:Michael starts a housing business 'at the worst possible time' — the collapse of the housing market, punctuated by 'That's not a great sign'

Narrator · Michael Bluth:Michael acting like a movie producer after being told his 'leading lady' is Ron Howard's daughter

Narrator · Michael Bluth:Michael learns Rebel is dumping 'the other guy' and 'promptly acts upon' it — not knowing the other guy is his own son

Michael Bluth · George Michael Bluth:Michael tells his son 'Pain... fades slowly' then corrects himself with 'Quickly' when trying to end his romance

Narrator · Lucille 2's brother · Michael Bluth:Lucille 2's brother threatens Michael: 'You can't hide in a gorilla suit from me.' Narrator: 'That one's hard to explain.'

Michael Bluth · Narrator:Michael decides to 'have sex with you, for money' as a way to clear his $700,000 debt — narrator notes this 'overestimated his value, at least according to the latest Balboa Bachelor Auction totals'

Gob Bluth · Michael Bluth · Narrator:Gob makes Michael wear a mask and asks 'Was that wax?' — Michael ends up drugged on the floor of the model home

Narrator · Michael Bluth:Drugged Michael 'peacefully sleeping' in the model home, deterring 'at least one badly needed buyer'

Narrator · Michael Bluth:Michael comes up with a plan to work off his debt — 'that he'd forgotten he'd already come up with'

Narrator · Michael Bluth:repay you that loan. That he'd forgotten he'd already come up with.

Narrator · Michael Bluth:Michael is 'surprised to find people working on what he thought was a holiday' — the narrator dryly notes 'Michael had missed two'

Michael Bluth · Exterminator · Narrator:Bug exterminator: 'Not sure if Maeby's in there, or Tobias, or something?' Michael: 'Hopefully, it's not my father. George Sr.!'

Michael Bluth:'Okay. This bug guy really knows our family.'

Michael Bluth · Young George Michael Bluth:Flashback to Michael teaching young George Michael scuba sign language — 'Are you okay?' 'Yes, I'm okay' — Michael: 'I've wanted to ask you that underwater.'

Michael Bluth · Young George Michael Bluth:Young George Michael is zapped/shocked during the class — 'Oh. George Michael? George Michael? Hey, pal. Here we go.'

Michael Bluth · Young George Michael Bluth:Michael tells George Michael 'I think you're ready for the ocean' → 'I thought we were going to the Reef' → 'We are. It's in the ocean.' → 'I thought it was a restaurant by the pool.'

Michael Bluth · Young George Michael Bluth:'Why did you think I said, "Watch out for the crabs"?' / 'Why did you think I said, "I always get a hamburger"?' / 'I thought you were kidding.'

Michael Bluth · Young George Michael Bluth:George Michael fainting again: 'Buddy? Hey. George Michael? Oh, he's done it again. There it is. Deep breath, buddy.'

Michael Bluth · Buster Bluth:Michael discovers Buster has squeezed himself into the childhood Scuba Jr. suit in the attic

Buster Bluth · Michael Bluth:Buster: 'You looked like a little girl.' followed by Buster screaming at something off-screen

Michael Bluth · Buster Bluth:'Got a new hand?' / 'No, I just took the skin off. It's in the dryer.'

Buster Bluth · Michael Bluth:I mean, thank God I found some scuba equipment because they are fumigating. Yeah. The skin really muffles the sound on that.

Michael Bluth · Buster Bluth:Michael: 'No, pal, we were gonna use this scuba gear for scuba diving. Underwater. Not to hang out in a poison cloud.'

Buster Bluth · Michael Bluth:No, I guess we did get to do that a couple of times. ♪ Motherboy... ♪ I'm sure... That isn't a regret. Yeah, no, it should be.

Buster Bluth · Michael Bluth:Buster: 'You can't say I can't be here and say you're not looking after me. Pick a lane, Michael!'

Michael Bluth · Buster Bluth:Michael: 'Hope I never do that to my own, uh... um... Mom.' / Buster: 'Son.' / Michael: 'Ah. Oh, right. Hope I never do that to my son.'

Michael Bluth · Buster Bluth:Physical comedy: Michael and Buster arguing over the scuba tank — 'Pick a lane, Buster!' / 'No, you pick a lane!' — with Michael saying 'I picked a lane!' while they struggle with the flippers

Narrator · Michael Bluth:Michael arrives to end things with Rebel and 'almost immediately found himself helplessly doing the opposite' — 'I'm dating Rebel Alley.'

Michael Bluth · George Michael Bluth:Michael and George Michael both pretending the punch didn't happen: 'Hey, I hope I didn't...' / 'It's forgotten.' / 'And, um, and you... I mean, I hope that I...' / 'Oh, it's in the past.'

Michael Bluth · George Michael Bluth:'Ciao.' / 'Bella.' — both Michael and George Michael trying to exit the scene gracefully

Michael Bluth · George Michael Bluth:Michael: 'I was just leaving, actually.' / George Michael: 'Yes. Me, too.' / Michael: 'I thought you...' / George Michael: 'I am now. And was going to earlier.'

Michael Bluth:Michael: 'Boy. It's like the Weimar Republic in that place.'

Michael Bluth:Michael repeating 'Don't hang up, don't hang up, don't hang up, don't hang up, don't hang up, don't hang up' before answering Lucille 2's call

Michael Bluth · Lucille 2:Michael pretending to drive away on the phone with Lucille 2 while standing still: 'I am driving away right now, so if you actually come out onto your balcony, you might even be able to see me driving. In fact, I think I see you. Is that you? Can I see you?'

Michael Bluth · Narrator:Michael having second thoughts about having written 'Love you' on the note to Lucille 2

Michael Bluth · Narrator:Michael reassures someone: 'She's still in there... She's kind of obsessed with me, so I gotta... go.' — Narrator: 'But she wasn't in there.'

Michael Bluth:I wanted to hit you back... Uh... sorry, um... I wanted to make one thing clear, um... She, uh... She does not know that we are father/son. That I was your, uh, your father. Uh, that I am your father. Okay? I will not apologize for that. Okay? Or anything, really. So, no pressure to call me back, but if you want, um, you know, hit me back. Okay? Well... Again, sorry. Okay, bye.

Michael Bluth:Michael's voicemail to George Michael: 'I wanted to hit you back... Uh... sorry, um... I wanted to make one thing clear... She does not know that we are father/son... That I was your, uh, your father. Uh, that I am your father... I will not apologize for that. Or anything, really. So, no pressure to call me back, but if you want, um, you know, hit me back.'

Michael Bluth:Michael tells the detective Lucille 2 isn't missing because 'I just talked to her on the phone, so she's somewhere.'

Michael Bluth · Lt. Toddler:Lieutenant named 'Toddler': Michael: 'Ah. Officer.' / 'Yeah, hi. I was hoping you were a cop.' / 'Always wanted to be a cop.' / 'They just don't pay fair.'

Michael Bluth · Lt. Toddler:Lt. Toddler showing Michael his 'Love you' note: 'Really? 'Cause it says right here that you love her.' / Michael: 'It's the way that I say goodbye... because you never know if you're never gonna see someone again. You should know that. You see people actually die.'

Michael Bluth · Narrator:Michael explains the postman who taught him to 'love each other': 'He is the one that taught me about loving each other... I guess this is sort of my way of keeping him alive. No, it was not.'

Lt. Toddler · Michael Bluth:Is your mother here? My mother? No. I'm-I'm all grown up, Toddler. Okay, 'cause my partner was here yesterday, talked to someone who said that she lived here. It was a woman with red hair.

Michael Bluth:Michael accidentally lists people he knows with red hair, including 'a wig that is made of red hair. So that's those two and the wig, I think that's got it.' — then: 'And my sister has recently gotten the red hair. But she's nuts, so...'

Michael Bluth:And my sister has recently gotten the red hair. But she's nuts, so...

Michael Bluth · Lt. Toddler:Tobias's license plate: 'A-N-U-S and then for some reason T-A-R-T.' / Lt. Toddler: 'A new start.' / Michael: 'If you saw it written out, I don't think that you would...' / 'Let me try this one on you. A-N-A-L-R-A-P...'

Michael Bluth · Lt. Toddler:Michael's reaction when asked about the last time he saw Buster — then the flashback to Buster in the scuba suit leaping out at him in the attic: 'Oh, God!'

Michael Bluth · Lt. Toddler:Michael on reporting Buster missing: 'Hmm. I think it's worth the wait.' — planning to use the 72-hour missing person rule to avoid having to deal with Buster

Michael Bluth · Lt. Toddler:Detective: 'That's what we'll do. Find Buster, you're gonna find Lucille.' / Michael: 'Which one?' / Detective: 'I don't think he cares.'

Michael Bluth · Lt. Toddler:Michael says 'Love you' as a goodbye to the detective as he leaves

Tobias Fünke · Michael Bluth:Tobias's therapist mode: 'put my therapist leggings on for one second' followed by 'Sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit.'

Michael Bluth · Buster Bluth:'Is it true? Did you push Mimi down the stairs?' / 'I did, but nothing's gonna happen to me 'cause I'm just a boy.'

Buster Bluth · Michael Bluth:Buster repeats 'I did it, but nothing's gonna happen to me because I'm just a boy' verbatim — and Michael responds 'I heard that already, pal.'

Buster Bluth · Michael Bluth · Dusty:'She's so mean. I wish I could shove her down the st...' 'Hey! Shh! No more talking about shoving, pushing...' 'No touching!' 'Or touching.'

Michael Bluth · Buster Bluth:'What you saw in court today is gonna put you away.' — Michael corrects Buster's optimism about the trial.

Buster Bluth · Michael Bluth:'But Dusty thinks we're better off just ignoring it.' / 'Yeah, I think that's a bad idea. And I'm a little concerned about Dusty.'

Michael Bluth · Buster Bluth:Michael manipulates Buster into revealing the cottage location by mentioning that Dusty gets to call Lucille 'Mother.' Buster immediately caves: 'Oh, they went to the cottage. I'd check the cottage.'

Michael Bluth · Dusty:'She asked you to get rid of family memories?' / 'It's just that, typically, the drinking does that.'

Dusty · Michael Bluth:'George Bluth, Affair: Caught in Act' / 'George Bluth, Another Affair: Caught in Act, Hi-Res'

Michael Bluth · Dusty:'I know which one I would watch with a gun to my head.' / '...Not the hi-res.' / 'Oh.'

Michael Bluth · Dusty:Michael and Dusty try to recall what happened in 1982 — Michael trails off, then: 'Awesome. '82 was awesome. Good year.'

Michael Bluth:'I don't want to be too sentimental here, but these are my precious family evidence, so I should be the one that gets to destroy them.'

Michael Bluth · John Beard:'Well, John, you used our house for To Entrap a Local Predator.' / 'That's it.' / 'Yeah.' / 'You were one of our super creeps.' / 'Yeah, yeah. Uh, no.'

Michael Bluth:'That's me! What am I doing in a Banana Stand shirt?'

Michael Bluth:'So... Gob forget-me-nowed me because of Tony. And that would be news on any other day, but I've gotta save my brother.'

Michael Bluth:'What a bitch.' — Michael's reaction, watching the tape.

Michael Bluth:'A Few Good Men. Great movie.' — Michael responds to Dusty's 'I think it's time to find out if Mother can handle the truth.'

Michael Bluth · Judge:'Permission to interrupt the case.' / 'Could you identify yourself?' / 'You missed it. I killed up there.'

Michael Bluth · Judge:'I would like to call Lucille Bluth, the accused mother.' / 'I think you mean "the accused's mother."' / 'Oh, what did I say?'

Michael Bluth · Narrator:Michael's courtroom examination of Lucille spirals into him accidentally confessing to murder: 'I think that I'm the killer.' / 'And that's how Michael A Few Good Men-ed himself.'

Michael Bluth · Narrator:'You're goddamn right I did!' [beat] 'And that's how Michael A Few Good Men-ed himself. I think.'

Lucille Bluth · Michael Bluth:Lucille: 'I couldn't have laid it out any more clearly for you. All you had to do was get me on the stand and make me look like a liar. How do you screw that up?'

Lucille Bluth · Michael Bluth:'But I didn't push Mimi down the stairs. Buster did.' / 'Mom, you're on tape admitting that you did it.' / [...] 'We were implanting a memory. We didn't want him growing up thinking he was a killer. Instead, he thinks he's a hero.'

Michael Bluth:'Meanwhile, I grow up thinking I'm a hero, and I turn out to be a killer.'

Michael Bluth · Lucille Bluth:'Turns out, I'm the worst. I'm the worst Bluth.' / 'Never say that!' / 'Gob is the worst.' / 'Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.'

Michael Bluth · George Michael Bluth:The narrator reveals the Fakeblock deal: 'Great idea to have me lose that tooth when I hit the ground. It worked great.' / 'And we printed that in less than two hours.' — Michael and George Michael celebrating the con.

Michael Bluth · George Michael Bluth:'So, basically, you came up with a way to destroy content?' / 'Yep.' / 'Damn it.'

Michael Bluth · George Michael Bluth:'All right. Well, we're back to poor.' / 'Looks like you two will be sharing a sleeping bag tonight.'

Michael Bluth · George Michael Bluth:'Oh, nobody's gonna build a wall. According to the succeeding New York Times, Donald Trump doesn't even have a... a chance of winning that election.' / 'Oh, I don't know, don't count out his likability.'

Michael Bluth · George Michael Bluth:'Oh, I suppose someone should let toe-quotes "Rebel" know that the deal is off, right?' / 'Yeah... gotta... gotta say thanks to her.'