Family Leave

Narrator · Michael Bluth:Narrator: 'Michael Bluth had been away from his family for two months, and his life had never seemed better.'

Narrator:Tech company 'famous for providing access to any information, except for its own name'

Michael Bluth · Narrator:'It's just one space after a period?' workplace retraining joke

Michael Bluth · Instructor:Michael greets self-defense instructor with 'Konnichiwa' — a Japanese greeting at what appears to be a Spanish/Latino context, then segues into family dynamics

Michael Bluth · Instructor:Michael at a family self-defense class: 'maybe just one of their kids can take a swing at me, huh?' — then instructor clarifies 'This class is geared more to self-defense FOR the family, not from the family'

Instructor · Michael Bluth:Instructor: 'Do you have family-on-family stuff? A few years ago, I would have given you the same look.'

Narrator · Lucille 2:Lucille 2 described as a 'flirtatious family friend whose vertigo made it hard for her to stay on her own feet'

Narrator · Michael Bluth:Michael starts a housing business 'at the worst possible time' — the collapse of the housing market, punctuated by 'That's not a great sign'

Narrator · Michael Bluth:Michael acting like a movie producer after being told his 'leading lady' is Ron Howard's daughter

Narrator · George Michael Bluth:George Michael claims to have invented privacy software, 'Not exactly. It did do this' — hacker traps. 'It's called Fakeblock.'

Narrator · George Michael Bluth:George Michael gave Rebel a fake name: 'George Mi... Harris.' The narrator notes 'George Michael was acting like a... well, a movie producer, too.'

Narrator:Rebel Alley 'was raised by a different mother than Ron's other kids. It's just a whole different thing over there.'

George Michael Bluth · Maeby Fünke:George Michael fires Maeby: 'Maeby, you're fired!' — after finding her spending money on a fake business

George Michael Bluth · Narrator:He found one place to save money. Maeby, you're fired!

Narrator · Michael Bluth:Michael learns Rebel is dumping 'the other guy' and 'promptly acts upon' it — not knowing the other guy is his own son

Narrator · George Michael Bluth:'George... Maharis' — the narrator's knowing pause on George Michael's fake name

Michael Bluth · George Michael Bluth:Michael tells his son 'Pain... fades slowly' then corrects himself with 'Quickly' when trying to end his romance

Narrator · Lucille 2's brother · Michael Bluth:Lucille 2's brother threatens Michael: 'You can't hide in a gorilla suit from me.' Narrator: 'That one's hard to explain.'

Michael Bluth · Narrator:Michael decides to 'have sex with you, for money' as a way to clear his $700,000 debt — narrator notes this 'overestimated his value, at least according to the latest Balboa Bachelor Auction totals'

Gob Bluth · Michael Bluth · Narrator:Gob makes Michael wear a mask and asks 'Was that wax?' — Michael ends up drugged on the floor of the model home

Narrator · Michael Bluth:Drugged Michael 'peacefully sleeping' in the model home, deterring 'at least one badly needed buyer'

Potential Buyer:Potential buyer: 'Some of the neighbors are not to be desired. Oh!' — reacting to an apparently unconscious Michael

Narrator · John Beard:John Beard's 'Predator Entrapment' cameras were hidden in the model home — his 'predator hole had been fished out'

Narrator · Michael Bluth:Michael comes up with a plan to work off his debt — 'that he'd forgotten he'd already come up with'

Narrator · Michael Bluth:repay you that loan. That he'd forgotten he'd already come up with.

Narrator · Michael Bluth:Michael is 'surprised to find people working on what he thought was a holiday' — the narrator dryly notes 'Michael had missed two'

Michael Bluth · Exterminator · Narrator:Bug exterminator: 'Not sure if Maeby's in there, or Tobias, or something?' Michael: 'Hopefully, it's not my father. George Sr.!'

Michael Bluth:'Okay. This bug guy really knows our family.'

Michael Bluth · Young George Michael Bluth:Flashback to Michael teaching young George Michael scuba sign language — 'Are you okay?' 'Yes, I'm okay' — Michael: 'I've wanted to ask you that underwater.'

Scuba Instructor:Scuba instructor listing signs: 'shark,' 'manta ray,' 'boat,' 'jellyfish,' 'propeller,' and 'electric eel. Ouch!' — 'But don't do that around the shark. They eat them.'

Michael Bluth · Young George Michael Bluth:Young George Michael is zapped/shocked during the class — 'Oh. George Michael? George Michael? Hey, pal. Here we go.'

Michael Bluth · Young George Michael Bluth:Michael tells George Michael 'I think you're ready for the ocean' → 'I thought we were going to the Reef' → 'We are. It's in the ocean.' → 'I thought it was a restaurant by the pool.'

Michael Bluth · Young George Michael Bluth:'Why did you think I said, "Watch out for the crabs"?' / 'Why did you think I said, "I always get a hamburger"?' / 'I thought you were kidding.'

Michael Bluth · Young George Michael Bluth:George Michael fainting again: 'Buddy? Hey. George Michael? Oh, he's done it again. There it is. Deep breath, buddy.'

Michael Bluth · Buster Bluth:Michael discovers Buster has squeezed himself into the childhood Scuba Jr. suit in the attic

Narrator:Narrator: 'Fortunately, this wasn't Michael's first scuba scare... scare.'

Buster Bluth · Michael Bluth:Buster: 'You looked like a little girl.' followed by Buster screaming at something off-screen

Michael Bluth · Buster Bluth:'Got a new hand?' / 'No, I just took the skin off. It's in the dryer.'

Buster Bluth:Buster hiding in the attic to avoid fumigation, wearing a child's scuba suit: 'I mean, thank God I found some scuba equipment because they are fumigating.'

Buster Bluth · Michael Bluth:I mean, thank God I found some scuba equipment because they are fumigating. Yeah. The skin really muffles the sound on that.

Michael Bluth · Buster Bluth:Michael: 'No, pal, we were gonna use this scuba gear for scuba diving. Underwater. Not to hang out in a poison cloud.'

Buster Bluth:Buster: 'We used to want to play dress-up. Her as Jackie O., me as John-John... But we... No, I guess we did get to do that a couple of times.' ♪ Motherboy... ♪

Buster Bluth · Michael Bluth:No, I guess we did get to do that a couple of times. ♪ Motherboy... ♪ I'm sure... That isn't a regret. Yeah, no, it should be.

Buster Bluth · Michael Bluth:Buster: 'You can't say I can't be here and say you're not looking after me. Pick a lane, Michael!'

Michael Bluth · Buster Bluth:Michael: 'Hope I never do that to my own, uh... um... Mom.' / Buster: 'Son.' / Michael: 'Ah. Oh, right. Hope I never do that to my son.'

Michael Bluth · Buster Bluth:Physical comedy: Michael and Buster arguing over the scuba tank — 'Pick a lane, Buster!' / 'No, you pick a lane!' — with Michael saying 'I picked a lane!' while they struggle with the flippers

Narrator · Michael Bluth:Michael arrives to end things with Rebel and 'almost immediately found himself helplessly doing the opposite' — 'I'm dating Rebel Alley.'

Narrator:'Like when you punch your dad.' — narrator's commentary on the 'earthquake in a family that shatters both members' notions of themselves'

Michael Bluth · George Michael Bluth:Michael and George Michael both pretending the punch didn't happen: 'Hey, I hope I didn't...' / 'It's forgotten.' / 'And, um, and you... I mean, I hope that I...' / 'Oh, it's in the past.'

Michael Bluth · George Michael Bluth:'Ciao.' / 'Bella.' — both Michael and George Michael trying to exit the scene gracefully

Michael Bluth · George Michael Bluth:Michael: 'I was just leaving, actually.' / George Michael: 'Yes. Me, too.' / Michael: 'I thought you...' / George Michael: 'I am now. And was going to earlier.'

Michael Bluth:Michael: 'Boy. It's like the Weimar Republic in that place.'

Michael Bluth:Michael repeating 'Don't hang up, don't hang up, don't hang up, don't hang up, don't hang up, don't hang up' before answering Lucille 2's call

Michael Bluth · Lucille 2:Michael pretending to drive away on the phone with Lucille 2 while standing still: 'I am driving away right now, so if you actually come out onto your balcony, you might even be able to see me driving. In fact, I think I see you. Is that you? Can I see you?'

Michael Bluth · Narrator:Michael having second thoughts about having written 'Love you' on the note to Lucille 2

Michael Bluth · Narrator:Michael reassures someone: 'She's still in there... She's kind of obsessed with me, so I gotta... go.' — Narrator: 'But she wasn't in there.'

Maeby Fünke:Maeby doing a 'scrub-down' in Lucille 2's apartment: 'Nobody can know I was here, having a little smooch with my boyfriend.'

Narrator · Maeby Fünke:Maeby's boyfriend — 'while she believed that he was an undercover cop posing as a teenager... he turned out to be a teenager, posing as an undercover cop, posing as a teenager. It's hard to explain.'

Maeby Fünke:Maeby listing what she's removing from Lucille 2's apartment: 'Just panties, leggings, corsets, the sex knobs, and one of those double-headed bondage things with the curly choke leash.'

Maeby Fünke · George Michael Bluth:Maeby: 'That's probably a landline.' / George Michael: 'Ew, gross! She put her ear on that?'

George Michael Bluth:For my dog? Whoa! Wow. You really snuck in.

Maeby Fünke:Maeby disguises herself to sneak out — 'Hey, you know what might look cute on you, instead of that smock? Also, do you have any scissors?' — implying she's crafting a disguise from nearby materials

George Michael Bluth · Maeby Fünke:George Michael: 'You were at Gangie's penthouse?' / Maeby: 'Lucille 2.' / George Michael: 'Wh... You drive her car. How do you still not know who that is?'

George Michael Bluth · Maeby Fünke:George Michael: 'I punched my dad.' / Maeby: 'Wow. Uncle Michael? Wow. You're burning bridges all over the place.'

George Michael Bluth · Maeby Fünke:Maeby recommends posting the dad-punching on 'Dadfights,' a website: 'It's just, like, a bunch of guys punching their dads, or...?' / 'Yeah, well, you're supposed to say, "Guess what, Dad," but some dads were catching on, and they were just whaling on their kids. You can watch those clips on That'sWhatSon.'

Maeby Fünke · George Michael Bluth:Maeby: 'Well, technically, I said she was dumping her boyfriend, but...' / George Michael: 'Yeah. I was hoping this would happen.' / Maeby: 'Hey, you had fired me. I was... bored.'

Maeby Fünke · George Michael Bluth:Maeby: 'What did Gangie always say? "Forget, but never forgive."' / George Michael: 'You think she meant to say it that way?'

Maeby Fünke · George Michael Bluth:Lucille misquotations: 'A friend in need is no friend indeed' — 'also on purpose?' and then the 'rapists and murderers' speech

Maeby Fünke · George Michael Bluth:What about 'They should take the rapists and murderers and put them all together on an island... and the murderers can be raped, the rapists can be murdered... until you only have either two rapists or one murderer.' 'One raped murderer but who cares about him?' Oh, was it 'one raped murderer'? I've heard her say both. I mean, in all likelihood, the guy would be raped.

Maeby Fünke · George Michael Bluth:George Michael: 'Look, if you apologize to him, it's gonna make him feel horrible. So I think you should do it.'

Maeby Fünke:So I think you should do it. [long pause before Michael's message plays]

Michael Bluth:I wanted to hit you back... Uh... sorry, um... I wanted to make one thing clear, um... She, uh... She does not know that we are father/son. That I was your, uh, your father. Uh, that I am your father. Okay? I will not apologize for that. Okay? Or anything, really. So, no pressure to call me back, but if you want, um, you know, hit me back. Okay? Well... Again, sorry. Okay, bye.

Michael Bluth:Michael's voicemail to George Michael: 'I wanted to hit you back... Uh... sorry, um... I wanted to make one thing clear... She does not know that we are father/son... That I was your, uh, your father. Uh, that I am your father... I will not apologize for that. Or anything, really. So, no pressure to call me back, but if you want, um, you know, hit me back.'

Michael Bluth:Michael tells the detective Lucille 2 isn't missing because 'I just talked to her on the phone, so she's somewhere.'

Michael Bluth · Lt. Toddler:Lieutenant named 'Toddler': Michael: 'Ah. Officer.' / 'Yeah, hi. I was hoping you were a cop.' / 'Always wanted to be a cop.' / 'They just don't pay fair.'

Michael Bluth · Lt. Toddler:Lt. Toddler showing Michael his 'Love you' note: 'Really? 'Cause it says right here that you love her.' / Michael: 'It's the way that I say goodbye... because you never know if you're never gonna see someone again. You should know that. You see people actually die.'

Michael Bluth · Narrator:Michael explains the postman who taught him to 'love each other': 'He is the one that taught me about loving each other... I guess this is sort of my way of keeping him alive. No, it was not.'

George Bluth Sr. · Narrator:George Sr. in drag telling the detective 'I don't allow men in my apartment without my husband present'

Lt. Toddler · Michael Bluth:Is your mother here? My mother? No. I'm-I'm all grown up, Toddler. Okay, 'cause my partner was here yesterday, talked to someone who said that she lived here. It was a woman with red hair.

Narrator · George Bluth Sr.:Narrator: 'But George Sr. soon realized his impression of a woman wasn't going to win him any awards. So he took off in his trailer for Mexico to forget his shameful mistakes.'

Gob Bluth:Gob in Mexico asking a vendor for 'the pill that makes the memories go away, like a... like a shame-wow'

Gob Bluth · Vendor · Narrator:Narrator: 'A request he'd made over 500 times.' Gob continues: 'See, I did something a little out of character... the window's kind of closing in on, you know, before it lodges in the long-term, um... What do you call it?' / Vendor: 'Brains.' / Gob: 'Long-term brains.'

Gob Bluth · George Sr. · Narrator:Yeah, make a call. Yes, definitely... Policía. Definitely check with Belicia. Wish her a Happy Five, by the way. You guys get that here or is that just out in the States? Getting in on it. Happy Five. Oh, thank you. How's your Five treating you? Dad? That's when he ran into his father.

Gob Bluth · George Bluth Sr.:Gob and George Sr. bumping into each other in Mexico — Gob: 'I'm just getting some boner pills and this guy says I don't need them.' / George Sr.: 'Me, too, I don't need 'em.'

Gob Bluth · George Bluth Sr. · Narrator:Gob proposing they 'our way through Mexico' — narrator: 'A horrible idea.' / George Sr.'s response: 'Mexico won't be able to walk for a week.' / Gob: 'Two full weeks!'

Michael Bluth:Michael accidentally lists people he knows with red hair, including 'a wig that is made of red hair. So that's those two and the wig, I think that's got it.' — then: 'And my sister has recently gotten the red hair. But she's nuts, so...'

Michael Bluth:And my sister has recently gotten the red hair. But she's nuts, so...

Narrator:Narrator describes Lucille circumventing Austerity Clinic's red tape 'as well as its security tape.'

Michael Bluth · Lt. Toddler:Tobias's license plate: 'A-N-U-S and then for some reason T-A-R-T.' / Lt. Toddler: 'A new start.' / Michael: 'If you saw it written out, I don't think that you would...' / 'Let me try this one on you. A-N-A-L-R-A-P...'

Michael Bluth · Lt. Toddler:Michael's reaction when asked about the last time he saw Buster — then the flashback to Buster in the scuba suit leaping out at him in the attic: 'Oh, God!'

Michael Bluth · Lt. Toddler:Michael on reporting Buster missing: 'Hmm. I think it's worth the wait.' — planning to use the 72-hour missing person rule to avoid having to deal with Buster

Michael Bluth · Lt. Toddler:Detective: 'That's what we'll do. Find Buster, you're gonna find Lucille.' / Michael: 'Which one?' / Detective: 'I don't think he cares.'

Michael Bluth · Lt. Toddler:Michael says 'Love you' as a goodbye to the detective as he leaves

Narrator · Lindsay Bluth-Fünke:Lindsay arrives at the Mexican border she just called for a wall to be built at — 'Oh. They have one.'

Lindsay Bluth-Fünke:Lindsay at the border: 'How do you say "I'm American" in Mexican?' / Driver: 'Soy americano.' / Lindsay: 'Hmm. That does sound good. Ask him for two.'

Narrator · Lindsay Bluth-Fünke:Lindsay is 'proud that she thought to include her driver' — her driver being used as a translator because Lindsay cannot speak Spanish despite having called for a border wall

Lucille Bluth · Therapist:Lucille's beach therapy: 'I feel like men run away from me. I've been deserted.' / Therapist: 'Is that my fault? Is it because of my anger?' — Lucille sees the therapist's movements through the lens of abandonment

Lucille Bluth:Lucille describes a 'squirrelly little fruitcake' skipping into the ocean — it's Tobias — 'That little bald one there with the fringed cut-offs who...'