Narrator

Narrator · Michael:Narrator introduces Michael as happy while everything around him is clearly chaotic

Narrator · Lindsay · Tobias:As a youthful act of defiance, Lindsay married this man.

Narrator:Michael and his sister haven't spoken in a year. Neither has acknowledged this.

Narrator:He also suffers from crippling panic attacks.

Narrator:So why is Michael so happy? Because he's decided to never speak to these people again.

Narrator · Tobias:Tobias recently lost his medical license for administering CPR to a person who, as it turned out, was not having a heart attack.

Narrator · Tobias:Tobias, now believing the boat party to be pirate-themed, began searching through his wife's luggage for an outfit.

Narrator · Tobias:Then, mistaking a group of garishly dressed men for pirates, Tobias boarded a van full of homosexuals. Soon he was unwittingly part of a protest against the local yacht club.

Narrator · News Anchor:More intrigue on the high seas tonight, as dozens of local pirates were arrested for protesting the yacht club's discriminatory policies.

Narrator:The narrator teases the banana stand fire as 'a delicious whodunit'

Narrator · George Michael · Maeby:Narrator: 'George Michael was having a hard time adjusting to his new one' — cut to cramped van with 'ass to ankles' crowding

Narrator:Narrator confirms: 'Lindsay's achievements in high school had always overshadowed Michael's'

Narrator · George Michael · Maeby:Narrator: 'George Michael's attempt to distance himself from his cousin proved unsuccessful.' — George Michael and Maeby are literally at the banana stand together

Narrator:Narrator: 'Oh, that poor woman.' — referring to Luz being sent on an errand, not to Lucille

Michael · Narrator:The storage unit is on fire when Michael arrives — after following Luz all the way there

Narrator · Gob:Narrator: Gob 'couldn't return a completely frozen dove to a pet store and get the full refund he felt he was entitled to'

George Sr. · Narrator:George Sr. visibly panics after Michael leaves — 'George Sr. did think about that'

Narrator:Narrator: 'He's an arsonist, not an embezzler.' — about T-Bone working the cash register

Gob · Narrator:Gob 'dramatically hurled the letter into the sea' — which proved 'a more difficult dramatic gesture than he'd anticipated'

Lindsay · Maeby · Narrator:Lindsay and Maeby both celebrate jobs they didn't actually do, at the same restaurant, with unearned money

Michael · George Michael · Gob · Narrator:Michael, George Michael, and Gob bond while burning the banana stand together — narrator: 'Michael, his son and his brother together enjoyed the cathartic burning of the banana stand.'

Narrator · Lindsay · Tobias:Narrator: Lindsay 'had slept through' her one day of employment, and Tobias 'couldn't hear the phone over the sound of the shower'

Narrator · George Sr.:Narrator introduces cornballs as a Bluth family favorite since George Sr. unsuccessfully tried to market the device in the mid-70s.

Gob · Narrator · George Sr.:Gob: 'Hey, the Cornballer. I thought these things were only legal in Mexico.' Narrator: 'In fact, the Cornballer wasn't legal anywhere. But George Sr. continued to market it there successfully. [cut to George Sr. in Mexico] Muy delicioso. Es verdad.'

Gob · Michael · Narrator:Gob: 'I had another big fight with Marta.' Narrator explains Marta is a Spanish-language soap opera star. Gob: 'It looks like I'm going to be staying here for a while.' Michael: 'No, it doesn't. It doesn't look like that.'

George Michael · Maeby · Narrator:Narrator reveals Maeby is auditioning to get closer to Steve Holt; George Michael is also auditioning to get closer to his cousin Maeby. Both characters ask 'And then we actually get to kiss, right?' / 'There's a kiss, right?'

Lindsay · Lucille · Narrator:Lindsay: 'Michael just gave me the exact same lecture in front of everybody.' Lucille: 'Everybody? Who's everybody?' Lindsay lists everyone — and then the narrator delivers: 'He didn't invite Buster.'

Narrator · Lindsay:Lindsay, meanwhile, still had the dress and she was starting to get some positive reactions to it. / Look at you. / I am.

Buster · Narrator:Buster built the bike but 'neglected to build the brakes.' Buster: 'I'm flying!'

Narrator:The warden was intrigued... less about the stunt... and more about the prison beatings this brash magician was sure to receive.

Gob · Narrator:So Gob went about swallowing the key to prepare for his escape. [followed by ~30 seconds of implied key-swallowing action before Gob speaks again]

Narrator · Lucille Austero:The other Lucille also suffers from severe vertigo. [followed by Lucille Austero losing her balance at the event]

Buster · Lucille Austero · Narrator:Lucille Austero first took notice of Buster [visual: she sees him without his glasses for the first time and finds him attractive] — Buster, however, failed to notice her [visual: Buster walking past, oblivious due to blindness without glasses]

Lucille Austero · Buster · Narrator:She sent him a proposition. [Lucille Austero sends a note to Buster via waiter]

Narrator:The guards soon became concerned about the paperwork that would be required of them if Gob actually did jump.

George Sr. · Gob · White Power Bill / Dirty Ears Bill · Narrator:And for the first time, Gob had the game of catch with his father he'd been waiting for his whole life. [George Sr. and Gob throw a ball in prison] — White power! — I'm... white.

Narrator · Gob:Gob has been stabbed in the back. [narrator, then revealed literally: Gob is in the hospital with a stab wound]

Doctor · Narrator · Gob:Looks like the shiv would have done some real damage if it hadn't been for this. It was in your lower intestine. So close. [the key Gob swallowed is revealed to have deflected the shiv]

Narrator · Michael · George Sr.:Narrator intro: 'Michael Bluth was visiting his father in prison... anxious to get to the bottom of some mysterious bookkeeping. George Sr. was also anxious, but less about the bookkeeping.'

Kitty · Michael · Narrator:Kitty says 'Your wife's on line one.' Michael's wife has been dead for two years. Beat. Kitty repeats: 'I said, your wife is on line one.' Narrator: 'But not immediately.'

Narrator · Kitty:Kitty realized her mistake. 'I said, your wife is on line one.' But not immediately.

Narrator · Gob:Gob checks into prison as a publicity stunt — but gets shanked.

Michael · Narrator:Narrator: 'My God, she's repulsive.' — attributed to Michael's internal reaction to Kitty's obvious attraction to Gob.

Narrator:The airport stairway vehicle was the last vestige of the Bluths' former wealth. Also, that House of Pies that went out of business.

George Michael · Narrator:Narrator explains George Michael's prison fear: 'he accidentally watched HBO's Oz... mistaking it for the classic Judy Garland musical.' / Oz clip: 'I'm an innocent man!' / 'Eat it, bitch!' / George Michael: 'Lots of times.'

George Sr. · Michael · Narrator:'How long? When did this start?' / George Sr.: 'Oh, come on! This is the first time.' / Narrator: 'Every Friday for the last eight years.'

Narrator · Michael Bluth · George Sr.:Narrator: 'Michael Bluth was visiting his father in prison, anxious to get to the bottom of some mysterious bookkeeping... George Sr. was also anxious, but less about the bookkeeping.'

Kitty · Michael Bluth · Narrator:Kitty: 'Your wife's on line one.' — Michael's wife has been dead for two years.

Gob Bluth · Warden · Narrator:Narrator recap of Gob's prison stunt: 'You really think you can break out of my prison?' / Gob: 'You won't even know I was here.' — then gets stabbed with a shiv.

Gob Bluth · Narrator:Gob escaping the hospital via being stabbed: 'thus fulfilling, in Gob's mind, his contract with the public' — followed by '?Ta-dah?'

Narrator:Narrator: 'The airport stairway vehicle was the last vestige of the Bluths' former wealth. Also, that House of Pies that went out of business.'

George Michael Bluth · Narrator:George Michael's fear of prison revealed: 'he'd been terrified of the very notion of prison since, as a young boy, he accidentally watched HBO's Oz, mistaking it for the classic Judy Garland musical.'

George Sr. · Prisoners · Narrator:Prison riot erupts after strike call: 'Strike three!' / 'Strike three, my ass!' — followed by a full prison yard brawl.

Narrator · Lucille Bluth:- Aaah! [implied carjacking flashback] Well, she's certainly toughened up since then. She's eating lunch by the pool now.

Narrator · Warden James Buck · Gob Bluth:Gob had to do the right thing. [pause] But as he headed to his car, he ran into the warden, who had just read his strongly worded letter. Well, if it isn't 'Sincerely Yours.'

Buster · Narrator:Narrator describes Buster accidentally flirting, accidentally bidding $10,000 at a charity auction, and accidentally entering her apartment saying 'I need you right now. Fellas, take a powder.'

Narrator:Michael came home to find his mother's fourth least-favorite child.

Michael · Narrator:I'm sure there'd be somebody else out there that would appreciate her. In fact, Michael felt that man was himself.

Narrator · Lucille:Lucille had recently been featured on Fox's World's Worst Drivers.

Narrator · Lindsay:Lindsay went to the prison to visit her father for the first time. But didn't get the reception she was expecting.

Narrator · Lindsay:Lindsay was surprised once again that no heads were turned.

Narrator:George Michael was finally moving beyond his crush on Maeby and felt happy to have a cousin he could just see a movie with. It was a love between two cousins that the world thought was wrong. But it was the world that was wrong.

Narrator · Buster:Buster had recently brought the rock home from an archeological dig, but had yet to find a way to get it out of the car.

Michael · Narrator · Lucille:Surprise! / And she was surprised... that her family didn't show up.

Narrator · Buster · Lucille 2:You barely even leave Mom's apartment. In fact, Buster was worried about running into Lucille 2. So he never left his mother's apartment. Lucille 2 was also supposed to go, but was waiting until she saw Buster emerge.

Narrator · Michael · Lucille:Michael, once again, arrived at the restaurant. — Surprise! — And once again, no one showed up.

Gob · Narrator:So you're telling me that he can't go anywhere and he's incommunicado? / That's when Gob decided to take the yacht to South America for the summer.

Gob · Michael · Narrator:Mom must have clubbed you with a champagne bottle or something so she could drive. / Gob, how'd you figure it out? / It's funny you should ask that... / No. He didn't figure anything out.

Michael · Narrator:I probably got hit on the back of the head because of Buster's rock. Hey, big shot! Which was behind the passenger seat. Which means that she picked you up and dragged you over to the driver's seat.

Narrator · Michael:Michael's insurance takes another hit. / Ow! / I was definitely driving that time.

Narrator · Michael · Lucille:Narrator: 'Michael Bluth was fed up with his mother's extravagant spending.' Cut to Lucille asking for a yacht crew to throw the most lavish party this town has ever seen.

Narrator · Buster · Lucille 2:Narrator describes Buster accidentally flirting with Lucille 2 while not wearing glasses, then accidentally bidding $10,000 on her at a charity auction, then accidentally entering her apartment thinking it was his mother's.

Narrator:Narrator: 'Michael came home to find his mother's fourth least-favorite child.'

Michael · Narrator:'I'm sure there'd be somebody else out there that would appreciate her.' / Narrator: 'In fact, Michael felt that man was himself.'

Narrator · Lucille:Narrator: 'Lucille had recently been featured on Fox's World's Worst Drivers.'

Narrator · Lindsay:Lindsay visits prison to tell George Sr. she's been undervalued for her intellect — but 'didn't get the reception she was expecting.' No heads turn in prison when she walks through.

Narrator · Lindsay:Narrator: 'Lindsay was surprised once again that no heads were turned.'

Narrator · George Michael · Maeby:Narrator: 'George Michael was finally moving beyond his crush on Maeby and felt happy to have a cousin he could just see a movie with. It was a love between two cousins that the world thought was wrong. But it was the world that was wrong.'

Narrator · Buster:Buster recently brought home a large rock from an archeological dig but 'had yet to find a way to get it out of the car.'

Narrator · Michael · Lucille:Surprise party #1: Michael arrives with Lucille at the restaurant. 'Surprise!' — and she was surprised that her family didn't show up.

Narrator · Buster · Lucille 2:Buster was so worried about running into Lucille 2 he never left his mother's apartment. Lucille 2 was waiting for Buster to emerge. They were in a mutual standoff neither knew about.

Narrator · Michael · Lucille:Surprise party #2: Michael arrives again with Lucille at the restaurant. 'Surprise!' — and once again, no one showed up.

Narrator · Gob · George Michael:George Michael tells Gob that Michael can't use the phone or go anywhere — he's trapped at Lucille's. 'That's when Gob decided to take the yacht to South America for the summer.'

Narrator · Gob:'I gotta alert this boat's crew.' [Cut to crew's devastated reaction.] 'They'll be devastated.'

Gob · Michael · Narrator:'Mom must have clubbed you with a champagne bottle or something so she could drive.' / 'Gob, how'd you figure it out?' / 'It's funny you should ask that...' / 'No. He didn't figure anything out.'

Narrator · Gob · Michael:'Hey, big shot!' [Flashback to Lucille yelling out the window.] Which was behind the passenger seat. Which means that she picked you up and dragged you over to the driver's seat.

Michael Bluth · Narrator:TAG: Michael's insurance takes another hit. Michael is in another accident. 'Ow!' Then: 'I was definitely driving that time.'

Narrator · Michael:Michael wished Marta was his girlfriend. A secret he had only shared with Lindsay.

Narrator · Children:Real needle. Real apple. Real neck. Él es zombi!

Narrator:Lindsay had always been celebrated for her wine and cheese charity fund-raisers.

Narrator · Maeby · George Michael:George Michael had been trying to prove to Maeby that he was macho, after an embarrassing brush with her. 'Your legs look exactly like mine, and I just shaved mine.'

Tobias · Narrator:Oh, no, no. I can't do that. / The next day, Michael was stopped on his way to work.

Narrator · Buster:Tension had been high between the two Lucilles since Buster had announced he'd been dating her. Although neither had addressed this, both had given indications of their true feelings. / Mom, you're ruining our fort.

Narrator · George Sr. · Lucille:Unfortunately, after a recent escape attempt, George Sr. had been put in solitary confinement. [30 seconds of silence/solitary scene]

Narrator:And so, for the first time, Michael set a plan in motion to take something that didn't belong to him.

Narrator:As Michael was becoming more selfish, his father was choosing a more pious path.

Narrator · Tobias:And ended up in the wrong location. / Oh, I am glad I didn't go with that outfit. / Yes, hello. I am looking for the magic. / Danke schön.

Narrator · Michael · Gob:So, the trick went forward as planned. / [Gob performs the trick; Michael is curled up in the box as 'the legs']

Narrator:And when Lucille noticed how happy Marta had made Gob, she realized how important love was to her children.

Narrator:Michael watched as the brother he swore to stop helping enjoyed the girlfriend he helped him reunite with.

Narrator · Tobias:And Tobias gets some good news. / I got a gig.

Narrator · George Michael Bluth:George Michael's grade card reads 'C-minus' and the narrator spells it out: 'C' M-I-N-E-S

Michael Bluth · Narrator · George Bluth Sr. · J. Walter Weatherman:'You're as bad as Dad with his ridiculous lessons.' — followed immediately by a flashback of George Sr. staging an elaborate J. Walter Weatherman scenario.

Narrator · Buster Bluth:Narrator: 'Buster's girlfriend, Lucille Austero, suffers from chronic vertigo... which she has been trying to fight without the use of medication.'

Narrator · Buster Bluth:Narrator: Buster 'remembered a study he took part in on medical marijuana and its effects on nausea. The subject took the drug in the form of a T.H.C. pill. Nausea was then induced with a day at the carnival... which is what attracted Buster to the experiment in the first place.'

Narrator · Buster Bluth:Narrator: 'Buster was found two days later trying to eat his way through this enormous plaster donut.'

Narrator · George Michael Bluth · Buster Bluth:George Michael is introduced as 'the toughest, most streetwise kid' Buster knows — then shown at a banana stand in a paper hat.

Narrator:Narrator explains the banana stand's history as a '70s marijuana meeting spot 'because of the banana's resemblance to a yellow marijuana cigarette.' Then: a jingle — '♪ Big yellow joint, the big yellow joint / I'll meet you down at the big yellow joint ♪'

Narrator · George Michael Bluth:George Michael leaves a note on the yacht for Gob because 'as he'd been trained to do since childhood, [he] left a note.'

J. Walter Weatherman · Narrator:J. Walter Weatherman's arm comes off on the dock: 'Oh, my God! My arm! Oh, my God! This guy's arm just came off and landed on the dock.'

Narrator:'♪ Big yellow joint, the big yellow joint / I'll meet you down at the big yellow joint ♪' — plays over the final scene as Michael and George Michael stand awkwardly.

Narrator · Headmaster:The Milford School credo: children should be 'neither seen nor heard' — followed immediately by the headmaster saying 'Woman.'

Michael · Headmaster · Narrator:Michael assures the headmaster his family is 'back on track and no longer in any trouble' — cut immediately to the newspaper headline about the Klimpy's brawl.

Narrator:'Sorry, Lindsay. There goes your dessert.' — Narrator's deadpan as food is apparently thrown during the fight.

Narrator · Buster:Buster so excelled at being 'neither seen nor heard' that he remained at the Milford School undetected for a full two semesters after he was supposed to graduate.

Michael · Narrator:Michael tells Tobias 'I never really noticed' about Jessie being cute — but the narrator immediately reveals he'd been working up the nerve to talk to her at the gym for weeks.

Narrator:'You can always tell a Milford man.' — Narrator tags Buster's exit after the 'neither seen nor heard' moment.

Narrator · Buster:Narrator: 'Buster was also doing his share for the family.' — cut to shot of Buster, presumably just sitting somewhere doing nothing visible

Narrator:'You can always tell a Milford man.' — Second use, after Gob reveals Earl Milford was the man in the box.

Narrator · Jessie:The narrator: 'Jessie had gone too far, and she had best watch her mouth.' — Then immediately: 'Michael's about to become the most unlikable man in town. Check the papers.'

Narrator · Michael:Narrator: 'That can't feel good.' — after Michael says 'It's fine. I'm over it.'

George Michael · Narrator:George Michael prays for a 'sign' about his crush on Maeby — looks at a candy heart that reads 'Maybe Tonight.'

Narrator:Narrator: 'Actually, "Maybe Tonight" was a very popular candy slogan, and the chances were one in eight.'

Bluth Family · Narrator:The family chants 'Speech, speech, speech' for no one in particular — Narrator confirms: 'The family continued to chant for no one in particular.'

Michael · Marta · Narrator:Michael concludes his toast 'To love and happiness' — immediately cuts to Marta saying 'I love you all, Marta' and realizing it was Michael she wanted.

Narrator · Tobias:Narrator: 'In fact, Tobias was a never-nude. As of yet, the D.S.M.-IV has not acknowledged the affliction.'

Gob · Marta · Narrator:Marta on the phone says 'Hermano' — Gob thinks it's the name of a man she's cheating with. Narrator reveals she was talking to her mother about Michael.

Buster · Narrator:Narrator: 'So, Buster loaded up his possessions and emancipated himself from his mother.' — Visual of Buster presumably carrying a tiny amount of belongings dramatically.

Buster · Narrator:Buster sees Marta and immediately thinks: 'I've been dating an old lady.'

Tobias · Narrator:Narrator describes Tobias's audition: 'The competition frightened Tobias, which he felt he could use in his performance. Unfortunately this made him more confident, which frightened him again.'

Lucille · Narrator:Lucille, alone, turns on TV — George Sr.'s Caged Wisdom is playing. She turns it up to maximum volume and realizes she likes being alone.

Narrator · Michael Bluth:Narrator explains Michael confronted Marta over 'Hermano' not knowing it means 'brother' — the cold open recap lands as an absurd dramatic irony

Narrator:Narrator: 'George Michael never got an answer. It's Carl Weathers.'

Narrator · Tobias Fünke:Narrator: 'Tobias was a never-nude, which is exactly what it sounds like.'

Narrator:Narrator: 'Unfortunately, the actor who played Tio had also starred in a Mexican film about the life of Oscar De La Hoya.'

Narrator · Michael Bluth:Narrator/Michael observing George Sr. in court: 'Oh, for God's sake. He's on his own for two days, and he joins a gang.'

Narrator · Barry Zuckerkorn · George Sr.:Narrator reads the charges: 'Conspiracy, racketeering, evidence tampering, fraud, theft, grand theft, petty theft, resisting arrest...' Barry: 'Wow. I-I did not get that page.'

Narrator · George Sr.:Narrator: 'George Sr., having never heard his charges listed consecutively in one sitting, panicked and ran with great intensity.'

Narrator · Michael · Buster:Michael was sharing his bed for the first time in years. Unfortunately, it was with his younger brother, Buster.

George Michael · Ms. Baerly · Narrator:George Michael's secret crush on Ms. Baerly is revealed via a shot of her teaching — 'Even minor crimes are punishable by brutally chopping off the offender's hand' — and George Michael notes 'No ring.'

Lindsay · George Michael · Narrator:Lindsay mistakes George Michael's crush on Ms. Baerly as wanting to set up his father, believing George Michael wants someone to 'fill the role of his mother.'

Narrator · Lindsay:Lindsay had never been more proud of anything she had said in her entire life.

Narrator · Lucille:Lucille could see that her son was concerned, even jealous. And she knew how it felt to be overlooked.

Michael · George Michael · Narrator:Michael tells George Michael that Gob slept with Ms. Baerly — when actually Michael was the one dating her.

Narrator · Michael:Michael knew he had an ethical responsibility to tell his son the truth. / Yes. / Your Uncle Gob slept with her.

Gob · Michael · Narrator:I slept with the ethics teacher. I'm sorry. / What are you talking about? / Lindsay told me that you liked her and I'm not proud of this, but... Mrs. Whitehead. / In fact, Gob mistook the civics teacher for the ethics teacher Michael was dating.

Michael · George Michael · Narrator:Michael's Saturday morning 'bike ride' with his son — Michael is driving a slow car alongside George Michael on a bike, multitasking work calls instead of being present

Lucille · Annyong · Narrator:Annyong's name is revealed to not be a name but the Korean word for 'hello' — every time he 'says his name' he's just greeting people

Buster · Narrator:Buster panics at the mention of Catalina because of 'an unfortunate encounter in a photo booth on the wildlife-populated island of Catalina'

Tobias · Narrator:Tobias arrives at prison with a letter of introduction from Carl Weathers

Michael · Lindsay · Narrator · Employees:Michael: 'They're sheep. They'll wander off, and you'll lose the sheep.' Lindsay: 'They'll be fine.' — cut to employees boarding Lupe's family reunion bus thinking Lindsay chartered it for lunch

Investigators · Lindsay · Narrator:Cut to the surveillance team after the employees leave: 'The place is empty. All right. Let's get in there and bring this company down.' — directly echoing Lindsay's 'Like that's even possible'

George Sr. · LittleJustice · Narrator:George Sr. converting inmates to Judaism in prison while a gang leader threatens him for 'trying to convert my team'

Worker · Gob · Narrator:After the forklift chicken race: 'Wow. Who won?' — and 'for the first time, Gob saw his brother as a man'

Narrator · Gob:After the forklift chicken showdown, narrative beat: 'For the first time, Gob saw his brother as a man.'

Michael · Narrator:Michael's solution to the zoning problem (no individual pools, one big communal pool) is revealed to have been inspired by his sand castle collapsing

Narrator · George Michael · Gob:Narrator sets up spring break in Newport Beach as George Michael spends time with his uncle — cut to Gob doing a bad card trick shirtless

Gob · Narrator:Flashback: Gob on a youth-oriented music network announcing he will make a yacht disappear in one year — crowd goes wild

George Michael · Narrator:'He hasn't done it, and you're holding a four of spades in your hand.' / 'I don't care. I'm loving the ride, you know?'

Narrator:Narrator: 'Sounds like you guys are getting more than you think.'

Lindsay · Maeby · Narrator:Lindsay and Maeby arrive at 'Nana's' — it's not Nana. 'A fact that took Lindsay and Maeby an hour and a half to ascertain.'

Kitty · Narrator:Narrator explains Kitty wasn't included in a Girls With Low Self-Esteem video the previous spring break — shown producer saying 'We got all the good stuff here'

Tobias · Narrator:Narrator: Tobias 'produced a videotape... but its brief success was due to its misleading name. Once discovered, all but 10 of the videos were returned.'

Narrator · Lucille:Narrator: 'In fact, Lucille's mother had been dead for six months.'

Narrator:News chyron/narrator: 'A woman shows all during a fracas at a local restaurant, sources say.'

George Sr. · Tobias · Narrator:George Sr. visits Tobias in prison — the man 'he once tried to shove out of a moving car'

Michael · Narrator:Michael: 'She'll turn up.' — about missing Kitty — cut to Kitty apparently having been grabbed for evidence

Lupe · Annyong · Narrator:On the Next Arrested Development: 'Lupe makes a startling discovery. Oh, so that makes Annyong 18.'

Police Officer · Michael · Narrator:'On the Next AD': Michael is questioned about Kitty's disappearance. 'She showed her knobs in the steakhouse, sir.' — police using 'knobs' as official terminology

Lucille · Narrator:Michael's reveal that he was in a drama club production of 'The Trial of Captain Hook' to satisfy an English requirement — implying he played a lawyer in 10th grade

Narrator · Michael:Narrator: "The next morning, Michael was wondering how to end his first one-night stand."

Narrator:Narrator: "Michael realized that the woman he was attempting to never see again was blind."

Narrator:Narrator explains that despite building dares, "the one thing they never dared each other to do was consummate the marriage"

Narrator:"It was hot." — Narrator's one-line assessment of Gob and his wife's argument

Gob · Narrator:Gob: "Believe me, we didn't do any sleeping. I had sex last night." Narrator: "But he really didn't."

George Sr. · Narrator:George Sr. in the blooper footage: "Faith is a fact. No. Faith is a facet. I almost said faith is a fact."

Narrator · Maggie Lizer:Narrator reveals Maggie is the prosecutor — "Yes, Maggie was the most feared prosecutor in all of Orange County."

Narrator · Maggie Lizer:Narrator explains Maggie wins cases "not because she was a particularly adept lawyer, but because she won the sympathy... of the defendants themselves" — cut to a defendant saying "I was in that room"

Gob · Narrator:"On the next Arrested Development" tag: Gob's seal business update — "The seal deal fell through. Three of the seals died on their way to Chad."

Narrator · Michael:Narrator introduces Chareth Cutestory as the false identity Michael gave himself

Narrator · Michael:He decided to keep seeing her so as not to appear superficial — the woman is blind and can't see his face anyway

Gob · Michael · Narrator:Gob shows up in a garish bright sweater because 'the wife likes me in bright sweaters' — but he only got married days ago on an escalating dare

Lindsay · Narrator:I've always been very passionate about the separation of church and state. [Lindsay, who literally just decided this hours ago]

Family member · Buster · Narrator:Buster is injured — 'He was trying to help some handicapped girl up to the bleachers, and he fell. It's just a sprain. But at least it's legitimate.'

Gob · Narrator:Flashback: Gob switching the evidence folder while his siblings argued about the Ten Commandments

Lindsay · Narrator:Flashback juxtaposition: The SAME scene of Lindsay saying 'I've always been very passionate about the separation of church and state' plays again, immediately after showing Gob's sleight-of-hand

Narrator · Maggie · Buster:Meanwhile, Maggie's interrogation of Buster was proving fruitless.

Tobias · Narrator:Tobias uses his catlike agility to get the evidence. 'The cat is in.'

Tobias · Maggie · Narrator:Tobias concerned about Maggie's heightened sense of smell, sets off to cloak himself in her scent — spends extended time in her bathrobe/perfume area while she walks around the house

Narrator:In fact, Maggie wasn't blind... but had been pretending to be since she found it helpful in taking the LSATs.

Narrator · Maggie · Tobias:Her ability to see, however, was currently proving a disadvantage... as she couldn't reveal to the man she recognized as Tobias that she knew he was there without betraying her secret.

Narrator · Tobias · Maggie:Narrator: 'Tobias was finding her an uncannily difficult blind girl to outmaneuver.' — as Maggie tracks his every move while pretending not to see

Narrator · George Michael · Michael:George Michael spotted his father and, not wanting to appear to be abusing the legal system, found a place to hide. / Michael, determined to expose Maggie, hid to avoid tipping his hand.

Michael · George Michael · Narrator:Michael also hides — 'Michael, determined to expose Maggie, hid to avoid tipping his hand.' Both Michael AND George Michael are hiding from each other at the courthouse.

Michael · Narrator:'It's not like there's some list of rules handed down to us from on high.' Ten Commandments fall on Michael's head.

Narrator · Maggie · Michael:Unfortunately, Maggie had been temporarily blinded that day. / I can't see! / Bailiff. / That was my plan. What do you got?

Barry · Narrator:On the next Arrested Development: Barry gets a sign from God. / I will obey your will. I will lead a good life. / Well, the hell with this then!

New Prosecutor · Narrator:Maggie is replaced with a new, less generous, prosecutor. / I was made to understand there were grilled cheese sandwiches here.

Narrator · Tobias:Narrator: 'Oh, no.' / Cut to: 'Oh, no was right.' — introducing Dr. Fünke's 100% Natural Good-Time Family-Band Solution

Narrator · Tobias:The full band name: 'Dr. Fünke's 100% Natural Good-Time Family-Band Solution' — and then the corporate ownership chain revealed by the narrator

Narrator:Zanotab pharmaceutical side effects: 'dry mouth, hair loss, an overly alert feeling, and in some cases may diminish your sex drive'

Narrator · Gob:'Who called the cops?' / Narrator: 'And with the aid of some helpful gays.'

Narrator:Narrator: 'You're out of the band.' — after the Teamocil sign flashes during Tobias's performance

Narrator · Narcoleptic Stripper · Buster:The narcoleptic stripper wakes up, sees Buster with red around his mouth, and thinks she killed him for groping her. Narrator: 'Not again.'

Narrator · Ira Gilligan:'And Gilligan... fulfills his destiny.' — cut to Ira on a desert island (implied), phone ringing, narrator: 'Let it ring.'

Narrator:Narrator: 'Michael was preparing for a meeting with the Bluth Company board to decide what to do with some recently unfrozen funds. Wow. Exciting, huh?'

Lucille · Narrator:Lucille: 'I seem to remember a certain someone running to Mommy when his algebra teacher made an example of him.' [Narrator: Michael had been suspended when another boy cheated off his test.]

Michael · Lucille · Narrator:Flashback young Michael: 'Tracy won't marry me. I won't get a job, and...' Lucille: 'Let Mama take care of it.' [Narrator: The next day, Mr. Vandenbosch was not in school. He was never heard from again.]

Narrator · Lindsay:Narrator: 'Lindsay, meanwhile, arrived at the salon hoping to increase her self-esteem. Unfortunately, her stylist had just been called up by his reserve unit.'

Lindsay · Stylist · Narrator:Lindsay: 'Come on! These salon wars have got to stop!' Stylist: 'The war, Lindsay. The real war.' Narrator: 'Lindsay was stunned, not just that she was losing her stylist, but that apparently, there was a war going on.'

Lindsay · Narrator:Narrator: 'And Lindsay found a solution to her self-esteem problem.' — cut to Lindsay holding an anti-war protest sign.

Narrator · Lindsay:Narrator: 'And Lindsay found a solution to her self-esteem problem.' [Lindsay puts on a protest sign]

Narrator · Gob · Tobias:Narrator: 'Gob and Tobias accidentally had Michael on the hook and they didn't want to blow the deal.' [cut to Gob and Tobias staring at each other in silence]

Jordan · Narrator:Jordan: 'I'm afraid... this offer comes off the table at midnight tonight.' Narrator: 'Maybe the worst bluff I've ever seen. Even the members of Gobias agreed on that one.'

Narrator · Lindsay:Narrator: 'And Lindsay discovered that the activism that came out of her desire for prettier hair really did boost her self-esteem.'

George Michael · Narrator:George Michael's 'I'm your girl' joke on Bring Your Daughter to Work Day

Gob · Narrator:Gob's magic show was filmed for 'Girls with Low Self-Esteem'

Gob · Narrator · Maeby:The tape shows Gob's magic act failing — 'The only thing this guy could make fly away was the crowd.' DOUCHE CHILL.

Gob · Narrator:Gob: 'It's not like they used the part where I made the yacht disappear.' / Narrator: 'Sunk the yacht. Blew it up, sunk it.'

Lindsay · Narrator:Narrator reveals Lindsay applied for a job — shown in flashback with 'Can I have a job application please?' — but was 'relieved when Michael gave her the out'

Annyong · Michael · Narrator:Annyong appears as Lucille's date to the soccer game and says 'She don't want other soccer moms think that she a single mother. She old school. I liked it better when he just said Annyong.'

Michael · Narrator:Michael: 'Damn it! Can't you just find somebody else, please, to look like your husband?' / Narrator: 'In fact, there was someone else who looked like Lucille's husband...'

Narrator · George Michael · Tobias · Buster:Narrator: 'And back at the model home, three of the Bluth men struggled with their manliness.'

Michael · Narrator:'And apparently a fun one.' / 'Let's go see what's going on in the back room.' / Narrator: 'Were those the last words Kitty ever heard?'

Gob · Narrator:Gob: 'You're saying I should just be myself?' — mishearing George Michael's attempts to change subject / 'And he had to drive her home. So I think I did pretty good.'

Tobias · Narrator:Tobias leaps into action as security guard — 'a surprisingly catlike one'

Michael · Narrator:'I've put a bounty on my own head.'

Tobias · Narrator:On the next AD: Tobias loses his security job trying to solve the store's mice problem.

Lindsay · Narrator:On the next AD: Lindsay 'goes with her initial instinct' — shown applying for another job application

Narrator · News Anchor:Low-carb diets are sweeping the nation — news anchor segues immediately to 'And the latest on Iraq...' as the Atkins diet becomes the episode's running thematic thread

Narrator · Gob:Stage direction: 'Gob's not on board' appears on screen as a chyron/narrator note while Gob is physically present and very much expressing opinions

Lindsay · Narrator:Narrator describes Lindsay's failed 'Mommy, What Will I Look Like?' business: 'which gave new parents a glimpse at what their infants would look like in half a century.' Lindsay: 'Hey, you put an ugly kid in, you can't be surprised when an ugly adult comes out.'

Lindsay · Narrator · Tobias:Lindsay: 'Actually, I am the breadwinner, Michael, as it turns out. I was walking in a strange place today — a place I'd never set foot in before.' Narrator: 'Tobias, walking down a street he'd been down many times, saw a book he'd written years earlier as a psychiatrist.'

Narrator:Narrator: 'The book, initially unsuccessful, had suddenly caught fire — although, strangely, only in the gay community.'

Michael · Lindsay · Narrator:Michael: 'It's Dip-A-Pet all over again.' Narrator: 'Lindsay also had a brief foray into what she had then hoped would be the burgeoning fad of custom pet coloring.' — cut to Lindsay chasing a pet

News Reporter · Narrator:Iraq news report: reporter comments 'a lot of this damage is just due to shoddy workmanship' — referring to Saddam's palaces that turn out to be Bluth-built

Narrator · George Sr. · Michael:Narrator: 'There's a good chance I may have committed some light treason.' / George Sr.: 'This might even be considered light treason.'

Gob · Narrator:Narrator: 'Gob realized that the power play he promised to make with Kitty had perhaps come at a bad time.' Gob: 'I've made a huge mistake.'

George Sr. · Narrator:George Sr.: 'Yeah. What if she gives it to someone who's even moderately intelligent?' Narrator: 'In fact, Kitty had gone to someone moderately intelligent in her continuing quest for control of the Bluth Company.'

Tobias · Lindsay · Narrator:Tobias: 'Come on, Lindsay. This is my family.' / Narrator: 'And Lindsay realized that perhaps they did have something left — a real connection.' / Tobias: 'Also, Dale, one of the gentlemen from my reading, is a nurse here, so we were able to park right out front.'

Narrator:Narrator: 'And that's when the family realized that George Sr. wasn't dead, but was fleeing the country that he loved so very much.'

Narrator · Michael:Narrator intro: 'This is Michael Bluth. Right now he's taking his son, George Michael, to start a new life in Arizona.'

Narrator:Narrator explains George Senior escaped prison using 'the family's portable stairway vehicle' — the stair car

Narrator · Michael:Narrator: 'And so, once again, the guys were on their way to Phoenix, never to look back.' — immediately followed by Michael turning around

Narrator · Oscar:Narrator: 'In fact, the police only thought they'd arrested George Senior... but had gotten his twin brother Oscar instead.' Oscar in custody: 'Do you have any cookies with no preservatives?'

Michael · Narrator:Michael: 'I better get over there before he brings the whole company down. It's only been three hours. How much damage could he really do?' Narrator: 'And release... In three hours, Gob had done $45,000 in damage.'

Narrator · Gob:Narrator: 'In three hours, Gob had done $45,000 in damage.' — cut to Gob in Michael's office with a massage table and various impractical additions

Narrator · Gob:Narrator: 'It was at that moment that Gob found something the jury might not like.' — followed by a long pause before whatever document he discovers

Narrator · News Anchor:News teaser: 'Are you living in one of Saddam's mini-palaces? They may have been built by the same developer.' Cut to news anchor: 'And a seal attack — meet one surprised bather, coming up.'

Narrator · Tobias:Narrator: 'Tobias rushed to the theater hoping to be seen. Unfortunately, it was dusk, and he couldn't be seen.'

Narrator · George Senior:Narrator: 'In fact, it was George Senior who took the wig, and was fleeing the country with the evidence Michael so badly needed.' Final shot: George Senior in Uncle Sam costume/wig.

Narrator:Narrator, over George Senior fleeing in the Uncle Sam costume: 'You made a huge mistake.'

Narrator:Final title card/tag: 'You made a huge mistake.'

Narrator:He even did so for the prison he built and, somewhat ironically, would later occupy.

Narrator · Lindsay · Tobias:In fact, neither Lindsay nor Tobias did have the guts to go through with it. [Cut to both claiming they already have.]

Gob · Saleswoman · Narrator:Let's get some digits. / I'm sorry. I don't give it out without a firm offer. / Oh, I'll make you a firm offer. / Unfortunately, she wasn't flirting.

Narrator · Gob · Michael:Gob was hurt. / Bye, Pop. / Hey, whoa, whoa — was that Dad? / Yeah, I had to, uh, jump off.

George Sr. · Narrator:George Sr. was brutally hurt when he was mistaken for his twin brother Oscar. / Marijuana? No, no. That's my brother. 'Brothero. Brothero.'

Narrator:He looked like a movie star because he was a movie star. His name was Tom Jane, and he was making two movies for a major studio. One was a gritty personal project about a junkie's life, which he got to do in exchange for making a rigidly, formulaic popcorn movie.

Narrator:But as it turns out, Michael was right to not be optimistic it could be done. [The house collapses]

Buster · Narrator:Buster saw the chance to get injured enough to keep him out of the army — but instead got a glimpse inside.

Buster · Tobias · Narrator:I can't look at that. / Unfortunately, Tobias had to.

Buster · Narrator · Tobias:I can't look at that. / Unfortunately, Tobias had to.

Gob · Michael · Narrator:Gob charged at Michael with the scissors — but Michael, as he always did, picked rock — which beat scissors.

Narrator · Lindsay:Lindsay, crushed and alone, for the first time misses her husband. Tobias.

Narrator · Starla:Narrator: 'Flashes of Quincy. Starla claimed to have had a relationship with music legend Quincy Jones.'

Lucille · Narrator:Lucille's reaction to Gene Parmesan: 'Gene! Oh, Gene!' — followed by narrator: 'Gene was far from the best.'

Gob · Narrator:Gob, inspired by his mother's private detective, decides to hire someone to follow Michael. Narrator: 'He decided to hire someone to keep an eye on his brother.' Gob: 'I think I might have someone who's going to cirsumvrent the law.'

Michael · Narrator:'And 8:01. Curtain has risen.' — Michael checks his watch as soon as he asks Tobias if he's free

Michael · Gob · Narrator:Narrator: 'Michael and Gob had been to Mexico once before. Chiclet? Chiclet?' / 'You're the Chiclet! Not me!' — Narrator: 'Unfortunately, in Mexican culture, this was a much more inflammatory gesture.'

Lucille · Narrator:Lucille: 'Just because he thinks I'm having an affair with the boy's uncle.' / Narrator: 'Yes. And she's not having an affair with the boy's... uncle.'

Gob · Ice · Narrator:Ice introduced as Gob's 'friend' on the couch. 'Ice may be my best friend.' Narrator: 'In fact, the man was Ice, a bounty hunter that Gob hired to follow Michael.'

Michael · Narrator · Buster:Michael: 'I'm gonna have to start putting people in the trunk.' Narrator: 'In fact, at that moment, Buster was climbing into the trunk.'

Buster · Narrator:Narrator: 'Six minutes later, Michael dropped off his mother's housekeeper.' / Buster emerges: 'Mexico.' / Narrator: 'In fact, he was in Santa Ana, a town six minutes inland from his own.'

Narrator · Gob:Narrator: 'Gob realized that perhaps he really didn't have any friends.'

Lucille · Gob · Gene Parmesan · Narrator:Lucille: 'Gene?' / Narrator: 'It's just some idiot with balloons.' / Lucille: 'Oh, is it?' / Gob appears with balloons. Lucille: 'I knew it!'

George Sr. · Kitty · Narrator:George Sr. is in a church in Mexico, being mourned by Kitty — he's been declared dead.

Michael · Maeby · Narrator:Michael and Maeby conversation: Michael thinks they're talking about Ann; Maeby thinks they're talking about Lindsay. Narrator: 'At no point were Michael and Maeby talking about the same person.'

Narrator:Narrator: 'And it's not a race thing.' — as punctuation on the Michael/Maeby miscommunication

Narrator · Michael · Ann:Narrator: 'Unfortunately, this left the girl Michael was determined to get to know alone in Mexico.'

Michael · Narrator:Michael realizes he left Ann in Mexico. Long pause. 'She's gonna be fine. We just gotta beat the sun.'

Ice · Lucille · Narrator:Ice tackles a man, declares 'George Bluth, you're coming with me.' The man is George Michael's grandfather (Oscar? or wrong person entirely). 'It's an honest mistake. Also, I think your knee is on my heart.'

Michael · Narrator:Michael pays Gene and Ice to be Gob's friends for the weekend while they search for George Sr.

Tobias · Narrator · Lucille · Gene Parmesan:Tag scene: Tobias seeks medical attention. 'Thank God! A new doctor. Finally we can get a straight answer in this place.' Doctor: 'Uh, I've got some bad news.' Then Gene Parmesan appears. 'I'm Gene Parmesan. How you doing?' Lucille: 'He got me again!' Narrator: 'But I did overhear that he's bleeding internally.'

Narrator · Michael · Gob:Michael was adjusting to his new position as vice president, which meant doing the work of the president, his brother Gob.

Narrator · Ice:Ice the bounty hunter has 'always bounty-hunted to support his first love — party planning.'

Barry · Narrator:Barry: 'The will is at my office, next to the hot plate with the frayed wires.' — followed by narrator: 'In fact, Barry had lost George Sr.'s will.'

Narrator · Buster:The flashback to Buster's parakeet: it landed on housekeeper Rose's wig, flew away when she took out trash, and flew into a transformer.

Narrator · George Sr.:Flashback: The Mexican authorities' attempt to fake George Sr.'s funeral is 'a less-than-perfect deception' — shown with chaotic crowd noise and shouting.

Narrator · George Sr. · Lucille · Oscar:George Sr. sees a newspaper story about his wife giving 'mouth-to-mouth to a homeless man' — but the narrator reveals he knew the truth: she was kissing his brother.

Narrator · Gob · George Sr.:Narrator reveals the laborer digging Gob's burial hole had been 'hired by George Sr. three days earlier for the same hole.'

Narrator · Michael · Buster:Michael remembers what Buster did to 'what he thought was Rose's car with what he thought was Rose's favorite toy.' — Cut to: driver being attacked.

Michael · Narrator:Michael spots Glisten toothpaste in the dirt and suddenly realizes George Michael's 'Pop-Pop in the attic' meant the actual George Sr.

Narrator · Michael:Michael noticed something in the dirt. [Sighs] Glisten. / And suddenly he realized what his son meant when he said he had Pop-Pop in the attic.

Narrator · Buster:'On the next Arrested Development': Buster finds out about the death of Captain Kangaroo.

Narrator · Gob:'On the next': Gob finally makes the cover of Poof magazine.

Narrator · Michael · Lucille:Narrator: 'It's a new prosecutor. It's a whole new beginning. A new day, a new case, a whole new set of lies.' / Michael: 'I'm not lying anymore, Mom.' / Narrator: 'Michael was lying.'

Narrator · Lucille:Narrator, after Lucille eats the egg whites George Sr. was waiting for: 'Wow, now more is going to come up than go down.'

Narrator:Narrator: 'In fact, it was a recent ruling, prosecuted by the same man who Michael was soon to meet with. It's going to be a long time before Sergeant Wendell Baker calls someone "Private Homo" again.'

Michael · George-Michael · Narrator:Michael tells George-Michael that Ann got him a B-minus. George-Michael: 'Well, it wasn't Ann. She's an expert in math.' Michael: 'Isn't that cute?' / Narrator: 'Is it?'

Narrator · Lindsay:Narrator: 'Lindsay had been frequenting singles clubs, also still hoping to make her open marriage work... [Lindsay: 'Whoo!'] ...which it won't.'

Narrator · Maeby · Steve Holt:Narrator: 'At that moment, Lindsay's daughter Maeby was in the process of wooing her own man.' / Maeby's delivery boy arrives. 'Who is it?' / 'Steve Holt!'

George-Michael · Narrator:George-Michael about Steve Holt: 'He's 19. He's a senior at my high school.' Narrator: 'And had been for several years.'

Narrator · Interrogator · Gob:Interrogators: 'He knows less than anyone we have ever questioned.' Narrator: 'Gob knew too little to know that, however, and his confidence had never been more shaken.'

Gob · Tobias · Narrator:Gob convinces Buster they should go to the 'old playground.' Tobias then appears asking to borrow Gob's phone. Gob: 'I'm not fit to run a company, and I don't deserve a fancy phone.' Tobias: 'Well, the Blue Man Group might need me, and I do deserve a fancy phone.' Narrator: 'They didn't, and he doesn't.'

Tobias · Narrator:The Blue Man Group might need me, and I do deserve a fancy phone. / [Narrator: They didn't, and he doesn't.]

Michael · Oscar · Narrator:Michael suggests Oscar should 'take a leap at freedom like my father' and 'run.' Oscar: 'Is that her rape horn?' Michael: 'It's more like a starter's pistol.' / Narrator: 'Run.'

Gob · Buster · Narrator:Gob and Buster at the playground: Gob is clearly enjoying pushing Buster on the swings more than intended. Narrator: 'It was fun, but it wasn't making him a better soldier.' Buster: 'Push me higher!'

Lindsay · Michael · Narrator:Lindsay claims Oscar disappeared 'because of something you said to him.' Michael: 'I can't talk right now.' Narrator: 'Really? What's wrong with your voice?' Michael: 'I can talk — sure.'

George-Michael · Narrator · Maeby:George-Michael to Gob about Lindsay: 'She's on her way to meet Steve Holt.' George-Michael: 'I do; I'm crazy about him. But he's obsessed with her. That's all he wants to talk about.' / Narrator: 'Lindsay felt bad... But she would have felt worse if she'd remained even a moment longer. But it's only because he thinks she's got a penis. Oh, I told him she was a tranny.'

Michael · George-Michael · Narrator:Michael looks at George-Michael's glasses: 'Hey, I've seen this before.' Narrator: 'For a while, George-Michael had shared a room with his Uncle Tobias.' [Flashback or implication that these are Tobias's glasses]

Narrator · Lucille · Oscar:On the Next Arrested Development — Oscar returns and is immediately cold-shouldered by Lucille. Narrator: '...which was what attracted him to her in the first place.'

Tobias · George Sr. · Narrator:On the Next — Tobias, 'traumatized by the public exposure, returns to an unfortunate quirk.' Tobias: 'Thank God — my cutoffs!' [finds denim cutoffs in attic] George Sr.: 'There were cutoffs up here?'

Narrator:Narrator: 'Michael was using the Bluth Company crane to retrieve the family-owned frozen banana stand after it had been dumped in the bay, a holiday tradition among the local youth.'

Michael · Narrator:Narrator describes a past Christmas party: Michael turning down gifts and directing them to charity barrel while telling an employee 'We just can't have them resent us.'

Narrator · Oscar:Narrator: 'Every year, Oscar attempts the 420-mile walk from Newport Beach to Berkeley, California. In the 12 years he's attempted this, he's never made it past UC Irvine.'

Narrator · Buster:Narrator reveals: 'In fact, Buster never went to the Army. He'd gotten hooked playing the skill crane and missed his first day.'

Narrator:Narrator: 'And so, Michael started to become relaxed. And a short time later, his mother arrived anything but.'

Narrator · Gob:Narrator: 'In fact, Gob had stolen it [the liquor] earlier that day to cut down on the cost of the party.'

Michael · Tobias · Narrator:Michael leaves a voicemail for Tobias asking him to go to Lucille's. The voicemail is accidentally routed to Michael's home — where the Blue Man Group is performing for Tobias. 'The Blue Men!' / 'You have 101 unheard messages. First message.'

Narrator · Tobias:Narrator: 'Unfortunately, Tobias missed the call from the Bluth Company, and it went through to Michael's home voice mail.' Cut to: voice mail machine reading '101 unheard messages.'

George Michael · Narrator:George Michael's description of Ann's family party is interrupted by the narrator: 'The word George Michael was searching for was "creepy."' Cut to the Ann family Christmas party — adults singing German religious hymns in unison.

Lucille · Oscar · Narrator:Narrator: 'And Oscar was giving Lucille a little "Afternoon Deelite."' — Cut to Lucille eating brownies contentedly.

Narrator · Gob:Narrator: 'Later, Gob was inside the banana stand and it was getting pretty hot in there, so he decided to lose a layer.'

Narrator:Narrator: 'The effects of Lindsay and George Michael's "Afternoon Delight" was overshadowed by the effects of Oscar and Lucille's "Afternoon Deelite."'

Buster · Gob · Narrator:Buster arrives with the Army crane and 'rescues' Gob — but the narrator warns: 'Unfortunately, Buster's newfound skills did not involve lowering gently.' Gob is hoisted and then slammed down.

Narrator · Tobias:On the Next Arrested Development: 'The Blue Man Group finally calls for Tobias with a life-changing opportunity. Unfortunately, he can't hear it and his life stays the same.'

Michael · Narrator:I think he'll be pretty impressed, knock on wood. [wood collapses/clatters]

Tobias · Narrator · Lindsay:Teamocil: the Tobias folk band supplement flashback — 'Teamocil may decrease your sex drive.' 'Good job, buddy.' 'Thanks, friend.'

Michael · Narrator:Well, you certainly tried. You guys wore matching outfits till he was 12. [Narrator:] Even once on a magazine cover that had been mocked within the family for years.

Michael · George Sr. · Narrator:Sudden Valley just sort of implies that something awful could happen all of a sudden. — Plus, it's on a hill. — What are you taking, stupid pills? Come on. Save us some money.

Gob · Narrator · Sitwell:What the hell just fell off your face? — One of this guy's eyebrows fell in the candy beans. — I always carry a spare.

Narrator · George Sr. · Sitwell:While Stan Sitwell used the game to raise funds for underprivileged children. — Oh, I think one of your orphans is heading towards the street. — Strike three.

Gob Bluth · Narrator:Narrator: The league requirement for female players was 'difficult to meet given Gob's behavior in the third inning of last year's game.' Cut to Gob hitting on female players from opposing team during the game itself.

Narrator:We lost our entire outfield and a couple of court cases.

Michael · Lindsay · Narrator:Lindsay, wake up. I need you to play on the softball team. — [Narrator:] Lindsay felt the intended effect of Teamocil — a sense of camaraderie. — Count me in, Michael. Happy to help the team.

Oscar · Narrator:[Vietnam flashback] Croc! No, sorry. Wait. Log. Just a log. No, wait. Sorry. Croc! — Oscar served as a croc spotter on a Swift boat.

Tobias · Narrator:That Fünke is some kind of something. — Boy, this Fünke is all anybody's ever talking about. — So sick and tired of hearing about how brilliant that Fünke is. — Overrated. I'll just move — I'm sorry. — Okay. We're okay.

Narrator · Gob · George Sr.:[Narrator] Gob's own father had only once played catch with him. And it ended as badly as any game of catch could end.

Narrator · Gob:[Narrator] Gob was both angry... and overwhelmed... by the approval from this new father figure. It was confusing.

Gob · George Sr. · Narrator:[Softball flashback] Gob especially gifted at sacrificing his body — Play's at second! Play's at second! — Yeah! Suck on that, Sitwell! — Your Tweety Bird dance just cost us a run, you moron.

Michael · Lindsay · Narrator:Lindsay, did that oven vent hit you? Your foot is bleeding. — My foot is bleeding. — [Narrator] Teamocil may cause numbness of the extremities.

Michael · Lindsay · Narrator:You're gonna be able to play on our team, right? — Why do you think I'm taking Teamocil? — To curb your sex drive. — That's right. What team are you talking about? — [Narrator] It may also cause short-term memory loss.

Narrator · Buster:[Narrator] And so, Buster was pulled out of combat training and put into U.S.O. training.

Narrator:[Narrator] And that's when Maeby realized she had become a successful film executive.

Narrator · Ann:Spin, spin, spin. — [Narrator] Ann wasn't as amazing as George Michael led his father to believe.

Narrator:[Narrator] And Gob finally felt that someone believed in him. Even though they weren't his ideas. And he decided to make Sitwell proud.

Michael · George Michael · Narrator · Gob:You better pull an ankle or something. — Come on, George Michael! Get that ball in there! — [Narrator] Then he went headfirst into The Wall. — I'm safe. — You're out! — Out? I was safe! I'm safe!

Gob · Michael · Narrator:Michael, I could've sworn I just saw Dad. — Or not. I think hallucination is one of the side-effects of Teamocil. — [Narrator] It isn't.

Narrator · Gob:Narrator: 'His ideas failed to evolve.' — Cut to Gob pitching 'Swing City'

Narrator:Narrator: 'A spokesman for Mr. Jones denies they've ever met, although he could not explain the six signed gold records in Starla's apartment.'

George Sr. · Narrator:George Sr. reads the script Maeby dropped. His note: 'Armageddon. That's a bad title.'

Narrator · Michael:Narrator: 'Michael had just indulged himself with an expensive sports car—' [cuts to Michael already at the dealership signing] 'And here again, please.'

Michael · Narrator:Michael: 'Did you guys not read the letter?' Narrator: 'None of them had read past the word "unfrozen."'

Narrator:Narrator: 'Starla being a woman that wasn't 70.'

Narrator:Narrator: 'I guess she didn't see the drawings.'

Narrator · Lindsay:Narrator: 'Tobias didn't want to sell his new club, but Lindsay did. Which is why she hired several members of a local stripper agency called the Hot Cops to pose as the roughnecks.'

Narrator:Narrator: 'And at the "Tobias is Queen Mary"...'

Narrator:Narrator: 'Meanwhile, Michael and Lucille 2 arrived to find the club nearly empty. Although Michael would have fit in perfectly.'

Narrator · Lucille 2:On the next Arrested Development: Lucille 2 'reclaims some space.' [Implied: she moves the wall back or goes further]

Michael · Narrator:Michael's only music is 'either instructional or humor,' and he's particularly fond of the Jerky Boys.

Lindsay · Narrator:Lindsay claims she 'stopped by' the protest but 'hadn't chosen a side' — then we see her shouting 'MURDERERS! YOU'RE ALL MURDERERS!' while someone else advocates for gun rules.

Narrator:The protester turns out to be 'People's Choice nominated actor Moses Taylor, famous for his portrayal of the rule-abiding detective Stop Sign, Frank Wrench, star of the television show Wrench.'

Narrator:TV news: 'Plus, another wolf sighting in the park. What that means for your weekend...'

Narrator · News Anchor:News broadcast teaser: 'Another wolf sighting in the park. What that means for your weekend...'

Michael · Narrator:Michael says 'We're done pampering ourselves in this family' — cut to him immediately calling to order the biggest air conditioner available for the banana stand.

George Sr. · Narrator:Flashback to young Michael at the golf course: George Sr. shouts 'IT LOOKS LIKE MY BOY IS GONNA BE STICKING IT TO YOUR DAUGHTER, SITWELL. STICK IT TO HER. STICK IT TO HER.'

Narrator · Tobias:Narrator: 'Tobias came across a flyer that promised to improve both his masculine self-image and his financial standing. They're literally blue, not sad.'

Narrator:Narrator: 'And so lunch continued with both Bluth boys trying to prove they weren't interested in the women they were interested in.'

Michael · Narrator · George Sr.:Michael's credit card is declined at the club — 'In fact, the increased activity on Michael's card was his father's.' — cut to George Sr. having a hot tub installed in the attic.

Lindsay Fünke · Narrator:Lindsay, dazed: 'I'm being saved by Frank Wrench.' Narrator: 'No, you're not.'

Narrator:Narrator reveals Moses Taylor was 'just trying to distance himself from the outlandish Moses Taylor Hunts People scandal that had been started by a rabid anti-gun fanatic.'

Narrator · Michael:Narrator: 'Michael did look heroic as he went to put out the fire. Unfortunately, Sally arrived too late to see him that way.'

Narrator · GOB · Lucille:Narrator: 'And GOB was just depressed enough to do so.' — after Lucille asks him to bid on her.

George Michael · Narrator:George Michael about the bonfire: 'I hope I didn't confuse people by saying it was a CD burning party.' Cut to: a massive rave-like party with people burning CDs they just made.

Ann Veal · George Michael · Narrator:Ann: 'Hey, Rubberneck.' Narrator: 'He knows it was us.' George Michael: 'What?'

Narrator · George Sr.:On the next Arrested Development: George Sr. shows up to bid on Lucille, but 'the sound of his wolf call and the smell of chicken teriyaki interfere.'

Michael · Narrator:Michael tells George Michael the Valentine's basket is 'for us' — narrator immediately cuts to Michael at Sitwell Enterprises trying to set up a date with Sally.

Michael · Stan Sitwell · Narrator:Michael at Sitwell's: 'This is not for her. It's for my son. Just don't tell her I came by.' — The narrator reveals Michael was actually talking to Sally's father the whole time.

George Sr. · Narrator:George Sr. gets himself wedged under the furnace chasing a sour ball that rolled out of his pocket.

Narrator · Jack Dorso:The Jack Dorso origin story: radio/film serial 'Red McGibbon and Bullet: Nazi Hunters.' Bullet's catchphrase is 'Shoot me!' which everyone literally does — glass shatters, gunshot sounds.

Narrator:The narrator explains the audience wasn't ready to accept Bullet as a romantic lead 'despite his powerful upper body.'

Jack Dorso · Narrator:Jack Dorso's annual birthday feat of strength: 'Five pounds for each year of my life.' He loses the use of his legs on his 70th birthday — 'Release!' [Cracking] 'Too much!'

Buster · Narrator:Buster has been using his 'army stealth training' to sneak in and out of Lucille 2's apartment — hiding behind doors, grunting 'Makin' that love.'

Narrator · Buster:Narrator: 'And perhaps it was screaming it out loud that made Buster realize that he missed Lucille 2.'

Lucille · Dragon · Narrator:Jack Dorso is announced as 'half deaf.' Lucille says it was 'a stupid, stupid hire.' Dragon mishears 'higher' and positions himself at eye level.

Michael · Narrator:Michael offers his sister to Jack Dorso for money. Narrator: 'Michael was torn. The business meant the world to him, but his sister's honor — ' Michael: 'Let's do it. Let's go share the good news.'

Narrator:Narrator: 'Michael had offered his sister to his UncleJack in exchange for money to save the company. Remember, it's not their real uncle.'

Narrator:[Narrator] Meanwhile, Buster had decided to pursue a new girlfriend: His old girlfriend.

Narrator · Stan Sitwell:Narrator: 'Lucille 2 showed up with Stan Sitwell, who did look a little like Edgar Winter.'

Narrator · Jack Dorso:The narrator notes the spa jets proved too powerful for Uncle Jack's tiny legs.

Tobias · Narrator:Tape: 'I wouldn't mind kissing that man between the cheeks, so to speak.' Tobias finally realizes something is wrong. Narrator: 'And he realizes there is something distinct about the way he speaks.' Tobias: 'Tobias, you blowhard!'

Narrator:The narrator warns against ordering the Skip's Scramble immediately after describing it as famous and containing everything on the menu.

Narrator · Michael:Narrator reveals that their eight dates included 'a record-tying three lovemaking sessions in one night for Michael,' punctuated by Michael's offscreen 'Yes!'

Gob · Narrator:Gob: 'Yeah, I keep forgetting that I got married.' / Narrator: 'Gob met a woman one night. And after a series of escalating dares, married her.'

Narrator · Gob:Gob's wife is revealed to be 'a seal dealer' — she 'raised and sold seals to aquariums.'

Lucille · Narrator:Lucille: 'Well, I may not have been a perfect mother. But, you know, kids don't come with a handbook.' Narrator: 'In fact, there are thousands of books written on child-rearing. But Lucille was in denial.'

Barry · Narrator:Barry: 'You know who's defending the fatty? Maggie Lizer.' — introducing Maggie as the opposing counsel in the fat suit case.

Narrator · Michael:Narrator explains Maggie was 'both pretending to be blind and prosecuting the family' during her affair with Michael. 'It was with her he'd first set the three-time record. Yes!'

Narrator · Judge Ping:The judge has his bailiff assemble an 'Ocean-Sounds Toddler Rocker' as a gift for Maggie's baby — in chambers.

Narrator:Narrator: 'Michael had just learned that the woman he'd been intimate with eight and a half months earlier was eight-and-a-half months pregnant.'

George Sr. · Narrator:George Sr. is wearing the 'God costume' from the annual Living Classics Pageant — a recreation of Michelangelo's Creation of Adam where he plays God.

Narrator:Narrator: 'This was a big get for God.' — on Ann converting the grief-stricken Lucille to prayer.

Michael · Narrator:Michael breaks up with Maggie: 'Good-bye. It's been fun—' [pause] '—not.'

Barry · Narrator:[On the Next] Barry: 'The fat girl in my Skip Church's case? Not fat. The attorney bought her a fat suit.' / 'I've got another case. Maggie is suing you for paternity.'

Narrator · Buster:[On the Next] 'Loose seal! Watch out for loose seal!' / 'I don't care about Lucille! She lies!' / Narrator: 'And then a seal bites off his hand.'

George Michael · Narrator:Ann's religious group is trying to get Nip/Tuck off the air. 'Ironically, she likes Gangy.'

Narrator · George Michael:Narrator: 'Michael hadn't seen her in eight and a half months, during which she had filled out.' George Michael: 'Really? Could have sworn it was a year.'

Narrator · Lindsay · Tobias:Narrator reveals Lindsay and Tobias broke into Maggie's house to hide in her bathroom and collect/test her urine.

Maggie · Narrator:Maggie: 'Oh, you're so right, Michael, 'cause I'm fakin' it—' Narrator: 'But he was proven wrong.' Maggie: '—Not.'

Lucille · Oscar · Narrator:Lucille: 'I don't know which one.' Oscar: 'The hand.' Narrator: 'I do.'

Narrator · Buster:Buster was attacked by 'a loose seal' — audio of seal barking.

Michael · Narrator:Narrator: 'Michael had always thought of himself as that great a guy. The kind of guy who could raise someone else's baby.' Michael: 'Of course I am.' Narrator: 'But he wasn't — and he regretted it the moment he said it.' Visual of Michael mouthing silent words.

Lindsay · Tobias · Narrator:Lindsay and Tobias claim to know where their daughter Maeby is. 'She's with her debate club, and they're on their way to Sacremende for the semifinals.' Narrator: 'She wasn't. And a Google search of the word "Sacremende" only came up with this.'

Michael · Narrator:Michael: 'For once, I'm one lie ahead of Maggie Lizer's lies.' Narrator: 'In fact, Michael was one lie behind her.'

Narrator · Tobias · Lindsay:Narrator: 'It was Loretta's urine that Tobias and Lindsay ended up testing — a fact they missed when they were making out in the shower.'

Narrator · Lucille:Narrator: 'And back at the penthouse, Lucille was praying for the second time in her life.'

Narrator · Buster:Narrator: 'It was at that exact moment that Buster did forget he'd lost his hand.' — as Buster's prosthetic hook catches in something and he screams.

Gob · Buster · Narrator:Gob confesses to Buster that the seal was his, gives a tearful truth-telling moment. Buster: 'You did this to me?' Gob: 'Yeah.' Narrator: 'And Gob was about to experience something that didn't feel that good.'

Michael · George Michael · Narrator:Michael tells George Michael: 'You're the only son I've ever needed.' Bell dings. Narrator: 'That's all the adventure I've ever needed.' Then Michael sends George Michael to 'M. Main floor.' Narrator: 'But M didn't stand for main floor.'

Narrator:PA System: 'Dr. Ward to the morgue, please. Dr. Ward to the morgue, please. Stat.' [Tool whirring sound]

Michael · Maggie · Narrator:Michael and Maggie make a vow: 'No more lying. No deceit, no sex. Everything.' Narrator: 'But that, too, turned out to be a lie.'

Narrator · Buster · Gob · Doctor:On the next AD: Buster and Gob 'find themselves closer than ever' after Gob's hook is lodged in Buster's ass. Doctor: 'You've still got a hook in your ass.'

Lucille · Michael · Narrator:Lucille is already dressed, made up and waiting for Michael at an ungodly hour — narrator notes 'which put her wake-up time in the 3:00, 3:30 area'

Narrator:'As one entered sexual maturity, and the other one left it, it became harder to win.'

Michael · Lucille · Narrator:Michael: 'That could have something to do with the fact that a seal ate his hand.' / Lucille: 'I don't know what it is.' / Michael: 'I think that's what it is.' / Lucille: 'Who knows?' / Narrator: 'It was that.'

Narrator · George Sr. · Bluth Children:The Bluth children had been uneasy about missing limbs since their father used a one-armed man to teach them lessons. ['That's why you don't yell.'] / [All Whimpering]

Tobias · Narrator:Tobias's vanity plate for being cast as 'Frightened Inmate Number Two' — and the narrator notes 'this wasn't the first time'

George Sr. · Narrator:George Sr. is secretly living in the attic — narrator reveals this while George Sr. tries to be friendly to passing family members: 'Nellie. Now — who wants to take their top off?'

George Michael · Michael · Maeby · Narrator:George Michael: 'What? Why? Because I'd miss school?' / Michael: 'No.' / George Michael: 'You get to miss school for that?' / Narrator: 'And that's when Maeby decided to become a devout Christian.'

Gob · Narrator:Gob had once gotten married on a dare — a fact he'd only remembered when he was served with divorce papers.

Michael · Gob · Narrator:'That would be disgusting if you'd actually slept with her, but I don't think you did.' / 'I did! And it was disgusting.' / Narrator: 'They didn't, but it would have been.'

Carl Weathers · Narrator:Carl Weathers: 'Did you know that you can get a refill on any drink you want here, and it's free?' / [Laughs] / Narrator [chuckling]: 'It sure is.'

George Michael · Lucille · Narrator:George Michael dressed in a sailor suit by Lucille — who claimed they were going to the Promise Land — being taken to Motherboy instead

Narrator:Narrator: 'No, he was going south.' / [pause] / 'South to Motherboy.'

Gob · Narrator:Gob: 'Well, we did have sex. And I'm not a great liar.' / Narrator: 'Both things he just said were lies.'

Michael · Narrator:Michael spots a 'very bored-looking little Sonny Bono on that balcony' — meaning George Michael in the sailor suit variant.

Narrator:Narrator: 'And so Gob set about consummating the marriage he'd finally agreed to claim he hadn't.'

Lucille · Narrator:'And back at Motherboy XXX, Lucille was finding her new partner an asset.' / Lucille to the judges: 'Is this your son?' / Lucille: 'No, I'm his grandmother. He's an orphan.'

Michael · Buster · Narrator:Michael: 'I create a diversion, and you grab George Michael and go. We need a name.' / Buster: 'Maybe "Operation Hot Mother."' / Narrator: 'No, let's try to top that.' / Narrator: 'They never did.'

Michael · Buster · George Michael · Narrator:Michael, Buster, and George Michael arrive at the Promise Land — Buster holds a 'Saddest' trophy

Maeby · Buster · Narrator:Maeby tells a campfire horror story: 'Knock, scrape. The only thing more terrifying than the escaped lunatic's hook was his twisted call!' / Buster appears: 'Hey, campers.' / Kids scream. / 'I'm a monster!'

Michael · Narrator:Michael was surprised to find the house still a mess a week after the fumigation — narrator reveals Michael was hiding his father in the attic, making his request to clean up self-sabotaging

Lindsay · Lupe · Narrator:Lindsay intercepting Lupe (her mother's housekeeper) as she arrives for work and taking her to the Bluth house to clean — 'Can I take you the rest of the way? Almost done. Yours... or Mister's?'

Tobias · Narrator:Tobias takes up residence in Detective Frank Wrench's apartment on the set of the TV show 'Wrench.'

Family members · Narrator:Home video reveals: 'Is that Qusay Hussein at the omelet bar?' / 'Look at this. These guys move, they don't get paid.'

George Michael · Narrator:George Michael's home video turns out to be a Star Wars reenactment — narrator: 'as a 13-year-old, George Michael had been heavily influenced by the Star Wars films and had endeavored to recreate his favorite moments'

Buster · Narrator:Buster videotaped himself recreating moments from Chicago — then also liked Star Wars — visual of Buster in a full dance costume, then presumably with a lightsaber

Narrator · Buster:Narrator: 'He also liked Star Wars.' — after showing Buster's elaborate Chicago dance video

Lindsay · Lupe · Narrator:Lupe feels sorry for Buster's loss of a hand; Lindsay feels sorry for her loss of Lupe — visual of Lindsay dramatically mourning without a housekeeper

Lindsay · George Sr. · Narrator:Lindsay finds Polly the parrot (George Sr.'s only friend in the attic) and thinks of eBay: 'I haven't seen this in ages. Ebay!' — narrator: 'Unfortunately, it was a new friend to George, Senior. Polly!'

Security Guard · Narrator:The security guard who escorts Gob out 'had recently lost half his tie to office magic.' / Guard: 'Oh, I don't mind.'

Tobias · Lindsay · Narrator:Tobias arrives as 'Mrs. Featherbottom' — a female housekeeper from 'Blackstool' — wearing drag and a British accent

Narrator:Narrator: 'It was the exact plot of the film Mrs. Doubtfire. There was also some Mary Poppins in there.'

Narrator:Narrator: 'Michael realized that he had lived like Gallant, and if he wanted some dirty tricks to help his son's election, he would have to find Goofuth.'

Narrator · Ann:Steve Holt's campaign video was produced by Ann Veal — revealed as a surprise

Narrator:The Star Wars footage appears mid-attack-video: 'Uh-oh... I couldn't find another tape.'

Steve Holt · Gob · Narrator:Steve Holt tracks down his real father — the scene cuts to Gob. Steve: 'I've been wondering my whole life who he is. A scientist, a doctor, a senator...' / Narrator: 'Well, we got some bad news.'

Narrator · Michael:Narrator undercuts Michael's claim about blueprints: 'Well, that part wasn't true. But they would've.'

Narrator · Starla:Narrator reveals Starla was bitten by 'a well-known music producer's guard dog'

Gob · Store Owner · Narrator:Gob spots the Sword of Destiny and the store owner's explanation that it contains ancient magic — followed by the narrator's non-sequitur: 'Still, where'd the lighter fluid come from?'

Narrator:Narrator, about the flaming lighter fluid: 'Still, where'd the lighter fluid come from?'

Narrator · Michael · George Michael:Narrator: 'And Michael rushed home to teach his son to drive' — followed immediately by Michael explaining the stair car's quirks

Narrator · Michael:Michael is immediately hit (presumably by the stair car steps) mid-lesson, the narrator commenting: 'And that's when Michael decided that perhaps it was time for a sick day'

Narrator · Michael:Michael gets hit by the stair car during the lesson. Narrator: 'And that's when Michael decided that perhaps it was time for a sick day.'

Narrator:Narrator: 'Tony Wonder had startled the world by baking himself into a loaf of bread. He sold DVDs of it on his Web site, which many claimed suffered due to its pop-up ads.'

Narrator:Narrator: 'Michael realized he was going to wake up to nothing but trouble.' — as the news reveals George Sr. is in Iraq

Tobias · Narrator:FBI news broadcast plays the tape — which ends with Tobias in turban saying 'This is my demand. Booyah!'

Narrator:Narrator: 'Actually, he'd been hiding inside the dumbwaiter for over 20 minutes, waiting for someone to use the word wonder.'

Narrator · FBI Agent · Tobias:FBI interprets George Sr.'s message tape as a 'terrorist training film' — the footage is Tobias in karate gear shouting 'You're not half the man he was!'

Narrator · FBI Agent · George Sr. · Michael:FBI footage reveal: 'We think it's a terrorist training film.' Cut to: George Sr. yelling at Michael while Michael does push-ups. 'You're not half the man he was!'

Narrator · Tobias:Narrator reveals Tobias had been posing as an English nanny named Mrs. Featherbottom

Michael · Narrator:We just call it a sausage. [Narrator] The family, of course, knew it was Tobias...

Narrator:But the house had never been cleaner.

Narrator · Gob:Franklin said some things Whitey wasn't ready to hear. / He also said some things that African-Americany wasn't ready to hear either.

Narrator · Lindsay:[Narrator] In fact, Lindsay was currently wearing it on her middle toe, roast beef.

Narrator:[Narrator] And that's when Michael devised a new plan to win the Veals' disapproval.

Michael · Narrator:You'll understand when Maeby starts getting proposals. / [Narrator] Actually, Maeby had given two that day.

Narrator:[Narrator] Michael had just been kissed by the mother of his son's girlfriend.

Narrator:[Narrator] Michael had just been kissed by the mother of his son's girlfriend.

Narrator · Lucille:[Narrator] And Lucille awoke, half in the bag. / What am I doing in a Nordstrom bag?

Narrator · Oscar · George Sr.:[Narrator] Oscar charged at George Sr., finally willing to fight for Lucille. But they did think alike... and neither could land a blow.

Tobias · Narrator:Look at all the bobbies. [Chuckles] / Oh, no. My wig seems to have run off. / [Narrator] On George Sr., as it turned out.

Narrator · Buster:[On the next Arrested Development] Buster finds someone else interested in kissing his hook. / Oh, God! / Drug dog's got something. Get him, Bennett!

Narrator · Michael · George Sr.:Narrator reveals Michael asked Lucille to call the fumigators 'long before he began hiding his fugitive father in the attic'

Narrator · Lucille · Lupe:Narrator reveals Lucille didn't actually clean the house — she intercepted Lupe (her mother's housekeeper) mid-commute to do it for her

Narrator · Lupe · Lindsay:[Narrator] 'Lupe never accepted a ride from Lindsay again.'

Narrator · Tobias:Tobias takes up residence in the apartment of 'Detective Frank Wrench' on the set of the TV show 'Wrench'

Narrator · George Michael · Gob · George Sr.:Narrator reveals George Michael re-enacted Star Wars scenes — including 'You cut off my hand!' / Gob: 'Worth every penny.'

Narrator · Buster:Narrator: 'Not so. Buster had once videotaped himself re-creating moments from his then-favorite film, Chicago.' / [Buster trilling and dancing] / 'He also liked Star Wars.'

Narrator · Michael:Star Wars theme plays when Michael suggests George Michael run for president because 'you are George Michael!'

Narrator:Narrator: 'As Lupe felt sorry for Buster's loss of a hand, Lindsay felt sorry for her loss of Lupe.'

Lindsay · Narrator:Lindsay discovered a garbage problem from cleaning one room — and found eBay while stashing trash

Lindsay · Narrator:Lindsay, searching for somewhere to dump garbage, discovers eBay: 'I haven't seen this in ages.'

Narrator · George Sr.:Narrator: 'Unfortunately, it was a new friend to George Sr.' — implying George Sr. is also using eBay from the attic

Narrator:Narrator: 'The guard had recently lost half his tie to Office Magic.'

Tobias · Narrator:Man on set: '...dirty cop, so Frank Wrench is gonna clean ya.' / [sounds of a scuffle] / 'Why is this door locked?'

Narrator:Narrator: 'It was the exact plot of the film Mrs. Doubtfire.'

Narrator:Narrator: 'There was also some Mary Poppins in there.'

Narrator:Narrator: 'Michael realized he had lived like Gallant, and if he wanted to help his son's election, he would have to find... Goofuth.'

Gob · Narrator:George Michael's campaign video continues: 'George Michael Bluth is a cool guy. His dad is a powerful executive working for this man.' [photo of George Sr. — fugitive criminal] / 'The girls like him just fine. Young and old. It doesn't matter. In the dark.'

Narrator:'Until this part.' — [Star Wars theme, George Michael's childhood re-enactment tape plays to the school audience]

Tobias · Lucille · Narrator:'On the next Arrested Development' — Lucille finds a new housekeeper: it's Tobias again (as Mrs. Featherbottom), giving Lucille a ride in a car while doing laundry — 'Yoo-hoo! I'll take you the rest of the way!'

Steve Holt · Narrator:'On the next AD' — Steve Holt tracks down his real father: 'a scientist, a doctor, a senator?' / 'Well, we got some bad news.' / 'Wow. Is that what's gonna happen to my hair?'

Narrator:The narrator opening: 'Michael Bluth was working at home when he noticed something unusual.'

Narrator · Oscar · Buster:Oscar secretly believes Buster to be his natural son — and greets him warmly saying 'Hey, Uncle.' Oscar replies 'I feel so responsible for that.'

Narrator · Oscar · George Sr. · Buster:Oscar getting injured on a shoddy device George Sr. invented — when he forgot Buster was wearing a prosthetic hand. 'Buster! The Cornballer!'

Oscar · George Sr. · Narrator:It's my father's fault! / My fault? I was trying to keep you from burning yourself, you idiot! / I mean, yes, yes. George Sr. Sure rushed this to market.

Narrator · Maeby:Narrator: 'It wasn't great, and Maeby knew it.' — Maeby works at the studio that made the American remake of 'Dangerous Cousins'

Narrator:The studio tried to avoid controversy 'by artlessly explaining that the two leads weren't biological cousins'

Narrator · Tobias:The Blue Man Group has dropped their cease-and-desist and invited Tobias to audition

Narrator · Tobias:Narrator reveals Tobias was 'asked to address a group of depressed men who had been described over the phone as blue' — cut to Tobias in full blue body paint addressing a depression support group

Narrator · Kitty · Cal:[Narrator] And meetings with Kitty had never ended well. / Say good-bye to these. Spring break! Whoo! / Perhaps this'll jog your memory. / [Cal] Oh! They're crooked!

Narrator · Gob · Franklin:Narrator reveals Gob made a recording called 'Franklin Comes Alive' — a racial harmony ventriloquism album — and plays a clip: 'It ain't easy bein' white / It ain't easy bein' brown / All this pressure to be bright / I got childrens all over town'

Narrator · Gob:Narrator: 'But Franklin didn't want to kiss at all. Gob had soaked the puppet's mouth in ether.'

Narrator · Gob · Michael:The incriminating photo is actually the card from Gob's unopened CD — the card with Gob's face on it, found by a traffic camera

Ann · Narrator · George Michael:Ann: 'No, I want to get the whole church group together. We're gonna picket those bastards.' Narrator: 'George Michael had only heard Ann swear once before...'

Ann · George Michael · Narrator:Narrator: Ann's previous swear was at a protest of Marc Cherry's home, executive producer of Desperate Housewives. Cut to Ann: 'It's a satire!' / George Michael: 'There's nothing funny about fornication!' / Ann: 'The bastard saw us!'

Narrator · George Michael:'And the promise of another kiss was too enticing to turn down.' George Michael: 'Well, yes. The bastards.'

Narrator · Gob · Michael:Guards play Gob's confiscated CD — the racial harmony ventriloquism album — in the prison. Michael hears it and realizes he can't turn Gob in.

Narrator · George Michael · Maeby:Narrator: 'And that's when George Michael finally got close to Maeby — who, by the way, might not be his biological cousin.'

Gob · Narrator:Gob hid George Sr. under the model home — the home that has just collapsed. 'Dad's gonna be crushed.' / 'You don't have to tell him!' / Narrator: 'But Gob was referring to his own father, who he had hidden under the house.'

Gob · Narrator:Then Gob remembered that this meant Michael would have to go to prison — a moment of dawning horror at his own competence

Narrator · George Sr.:Narrator: 'Later, while George Sr. was shaving his unconscious brother's head, he wondered whether there really was a reward, and if he could get it.'

Narrator:'On the next season of Arrested Development' — the preview reveals Oscar going to prison after being framed by George Sr.

Narrator · Oscar:'Oscar, robbed of his fingerprints, has difficulty proving his identity.' / Oscar: 'My hair's gonna grow back. You'll see.'

George Sr. · Narrator:George Sr. turns out to be right about the effects of stress: shown apparently losing his hair in prison — 'What's happening to me? Why won't it grow back?'

Lucille · Narrator:Narrator describes young Lucille releasing the emergency brake to roll her car into a lake, and Lucille responds 'Good for her'

George Sr. · Young Gob · Narrator:Narrator reveals through flashback that young Gob was repeatedly ditched by George Sr. with escalating absurd excuses, ending in 'Come on, you're old enough to figure this out. I'm nailing this broad.'

Gob · Narrator:Gob's speech about what he'll do if he has a son: will take him to the cabin / will promise to take him but not / but will never NOT tell him he's taking him and then NOT take him

George Michael · Narrator:Narrator reveals George Michael slept outside NOT to see Michael but to hide from his cousin after 'an awkward incident' — they share a bunk bed

Narrator · George Michael · Maeby:Narrator: 'They'd since been trying to avoid each other, which was difficult considering they shared a bunk bed.'

Michael · Narrator:'There's only one sleeping bag, so we're gonna have to double up. Pigs in a blanket.' — immediately cut to: 'Sorry, pal, something came up.'

Gob · Narrator:Gob says 'Yeah, like I'd ever hear from that son of a bitch' — cut to narrator revealing Gob received a letter from S.A.D. (a father-son reunion group) earlier that day

Narrator:Narrator: 'So once again Michael went after the father who'd once again abandoned him, only to find he was about to do the same thing to his own son.'

Young Steve Holt · Narrator:Flashback visual: a boy with a severed hand saying 'Hey Dad, look what I found.' / 'Anything for his father's approval.'

Gob · Steve Holt · Narrator:Narrator reveals Steve Holt IS Gob's son through a montage of 'these girls got pregnant, this one had a baby, and that baby would grow up to be... Steve Holt!'

Narrator · Gob · Steve Holt:Heartbreaking. / You look familiar. / I think that's because we actually kind of look alike.

Narrator:Remember when I said Gob had a son? / I'm Gob. / I wasn't just saying that.

Steve Holt · Narrator:Narrator: 'If Steve had had a father, he would've warned him not to go into the woods with strange men. But he didn't.' Steve Holt: 'Sure, let's go! Yeah, baby. Steve Holt!'

Narrator:Reno is competing with Vegas's 'What happens in Vegas' campaign — the Reno version is implied to be much sadder

Narrator:Swallows is 'a family-style restaurant by day and an anything-goes pan-sexual bazaar by night'

Tobias · Michael · Narrator:Tobias is working at Swallows as a waiter — having 'destroyed his life' to join Blue Man Group, only to find the role was already cast

George Sr. · Narrator:George Sr. hid as a Blue Man — 'until he choked on a marshmallow and almost died when no one noticed he turned blue'

Narrator · George Michael · Maeby:Narrator: 'The kids found themselves closer than ever on the bumpy road to Reno.'

George Michael · Narrator:'It's finally happening.' / 'It's never happening.' — Narrator's deadpan response to George Michael's excitement

Michael · Narrator:Michael promises to tell the cops about Oscar 'before' taking his son camping — framed as a moral concession — 'Your uncle Oscar can stay in prison one more day, right?'

Narrator:Narrator: 'Not according to that day's blog on imoscar.com'

Narrator:Narrator: 'As Michael was forcibly taking his son out to the cabin, Lucille was ready to forcibly throw hers out.'

Lucille · Narrator:'Well, that was a freebie.' — After Lucille presumably accidentally hits/hurts Buster (the narrator's commentary on off-screen slapstick)

Narrator:Narrator: 'Gee, why wouldn't she want him back?' — after the Tobias tableau reveal

Michael · George Michael · Narrator:The cabin has had its bedrooms 'trucked off' — Michael and George Michael are in an empty living room shell of a cabin

Narrator:Narrator: 'And the next morning, Michael rose early to spend the day with his son, only to find himself, once again, dragged away by his family.'

Narrator · George Michael:Narrator reveals the girl is his cousin Maeby, immediately after George Michael insists the girl isn't stupid.

Narrator:Michael awoke to find his camping trip going south.

George Sr. · Narrator:You gotta send me back to prison. / More touching.

Gob · Michael · Narrator:He'd been ducking him ever since. / Tom? Come on over here. I've got a vitamin for you. / He's the one who can't see me. / Because you were hiding in the trick? / Illusion, Michael.

Narrator · Michael:The clerk was asking for a bribe — but this was lost on Michael. / You guys do go for the jugular.

Narrator:Not her. / Wait for it. [Visual: Michael spots Rita]

Michael · Narrator:You know, and what is it with the fathers in this family always trying to deceive their... [Michael realizes George hired the British threatening man]

Narrator:And that's when Michael realized that the man who threatened him must have been hired by George Sr.

Michael · Rita · Narrator:Sorry, I just wanted to let you know that I'm not gonna be needing your passport after all... So it's bye-bye to Rita, then? / Yes, I'll shake your hand good-bye... I was wondering if you might want to... / I wouldn't. I'll make you blue.

Narrator:Rita was just talking about the finger paint, but Michael didn't know that.

Narrator:Had he been Jack the Ripper, he would have soothed himself in a most unsavory way. But instead he just sat in his car and ate a whole thing of candy beans.

Narrator:It was a... bird day...

Narrator · Gob · Tobias:And at that moment, Gob chose to show his own son what he was capable of. / I've decided I will be performing the feat... myself. / Wait. We're back to hair?

Tobias · Narrator:Boy. Did I catch a break. [Tobias having found it too painful to part with his new hair, so he opted for a bald cap]

Gob · Narrator:I'm sorry, Steve. I need to be a father. [Gob running through storm drains]

Michael · Rita · Narrator:And then, just to prove to himself he wasn't a coward, he went one step further. [Michael kisses Rita]

Narrator:For you see, Rita had a secret of her own.

Bob Loblaw · Narrator:Bob Loblaw introduction — the attorney's name is itself a joke: 'Bob Loblaw' sounds like 'blah blah blah,' and his ad tagline 'Why should you go to jail for a crime someone else noticed?' is an absurdist non-sequitur

Michael Bluth · Rita · Narrator:Michael describes Rita as 'exquisitely beautiful, fun, carefree, smart, full of surprises' — then the narrator reveals she's secretly working with a suspicious British man who's dropping her off

Narrator · Rita:Narrator: 'Michael hurried to the British section of Orange County for his date — only to find that Rita had chosen Wee Britain's one American-themed restaurant.' A British man shouts 'American! Get out of the road!'

Michael Bluth · Rita · Lucille Bluth · Narrator:Michael sees his mother appearing and immediately tells Rita he doesn't have a family: 'I don't have a family. I can't believe I've never told anybody that before.'

Narrator:Narrator: 'It's probably because a seal bit off his hand. The army has taken to giving medals for being food.'

Tobias Fünke · Narrator:Tobias: 'If this was a Lifetime Moment of Truth movie, this would be our act break. But it wasn't.'

Narrator · Maeby Fünke:Narrator: 'Maeby was too young to know what to do. Ironically, in her after-school job as a movie studio executive, she'd just green-lit two films that dealt with the very issue.'

Narrator · Buster Bluth:Narrator: 'Buster had overcome his fear of seals. Unfortunately, he'd done so by knocking out Michael's new girlfriend.'

Michael Bluth · Narrator:Michael calls in: 'Hi, it's Michael. I will be coming to the party because I love you, too.' The banner 'Welcome Rita' is being taken down and they have to make a new one.

Michael Bluth · Rita · Narrator:Michael brings Rita to the party. She sees the family. Everyone freezes. Narrator: 'Michael feared he'd been caught in a lie about his family. His family feared they'd been caught by a woman they clubbed, drugged and left on a bench. It was awkward.'

Narrator · Michael Bluth:The banner is revealed: 'Family Love...' — apparently the rest is cut off or implies something inappropriate

George Sr. · Narrator:George Sr. makes his escape through the back (avoiding the front door monitor) using the hydrogen balloons as a hot-air balloon escape

George Sr. · Narrator:George Sr.'s balloon escape — narrator: 'But it turns out that hydrogen is more explosive than helium.' — and the balloons explode.

Lindsay Bluth · Bob Loblaw · Narrator:Lindsay in a maid's uniform to 'work off her debt' with Bob Loblaw. Bob: 'Get a maid's uniform and come by my house around 7:00.' Narrator: 'There is no way to misinterpret that. Except the one.'

Narrator · Michael · Lindsay:Michael was heading to work when he saw something he had never seen before lunch, his twin sister Lindsay.

Michael · Narrator:Michael asks 'Snog? Is that another one of your new British-isms?' after unconsciously using the word himself

Narrator:Narrator: 'Michael had recently fallen bum-over-noggin for a beautiful Englishwoman called Rita.'

Narrator:Narrator explanation + WWII cutaway: 'Rita meant it in the British sense, meaning sweet or gentle, as in pussycat' — cut to soldiers calling a pacifist soldier a 'pussy' as a compliment

Narrator:'When I miss your lips, I'll put a (bleep) in my mouth and think of you.' Narrator: 'That also had a different meaning over there.'

Narrator · George Michael:Narrator: 'In fact, the only thing George Michael really liked was hanging motionless from the monkey bars. Which the President's Council on Fitness ranks as slightly easier than the slide.'

Narrator:The State Fair is going to be a 'Church and State Fair' — the state ran out of money and a church agreed to fund it if they got a presence

Narrator:Narrator: childhood progressive pageants claimed to celebrate beauty in all forms, 'but the winners still tended to have it going on in the conventional sense.'

Maeby · Narrator:Maeby's pageant disguise: the Nicole Kidman prosthetic nose from The Hours, purchased by Jamie Kennedy at a charity auction for $10,000

Buster · Narrator:'That spells Army' — Buster discovering that 'At Risk Male Youth' is an acronym for ARMY

Steve Holt · Michael · Narrator:Steve Holt gives Michael pills he calls 'Oxy-Incontinent' — 'they keep you from being incontinent.' Narrator: 'Steve didn't have that quite right.'

George Sr. · Narrator:George Sr. wanders into the wrong 'Startled Straight' tent — the church-sponsored one designed to scare gay men into heterosexuality

Michael · Narrator:Narrator reveals the triathlon is tricycles, inflatable pools, and fathers/sons manacled together. Michael: 'What the hell is this?'

Narrator:Narrator: 'It seems Gob was right about what happens to third-place contestants.' — Ann has met a man (Tobias)

Michael · Narrator:Hey, do this with me! / And that's when Rita noticed Michael. / Wait for me! Wait for me!

George Sr. · Narrator:George Sr. in a Humvee at the fair, attempting to escape — then choosing between the 'bulletproof' Pope Mobile and the Army Combat Humvee, 'and he decided to escape in the bulletproof one.'

Rita · Michael · Narrator:Rita: 'You're a complete and utter (bleep).' Narrator: 'I can't believe we had to bleep that. It would have been such a nice moment.'

George Sr. · Narrator:'On the next': George Sr. escaping in a fake Pope Mobile — 'a fake Pope Mobile can't stop real bullets.' George Sr.: 'Thank God I wasn't in the Humvee.'

Narrator:I hate it when they hire Yanks to play Brits. You can always tell.

Rita · Narrator:Whee! — And Rita was falling for Michael too.

Narrator:Frank said CIA, a government agency that was responsible for this catastrophe. But Tobias thought he said CAA, a talent agency that was responsible for this one.

Tobias · Narrator:Her grades are terrible. She's gonna start getting F's. — Actually, she'd already gotten one...

Tobias · Michael · Narrator:She's that Rita Leeds? Wasn't she on the cover of Newsweek? — No. — Yes. — Michael was thinking of this man.

Larry (surrogate) · Narrator:You like to build it with me? — Larry really never knows how to sell the sarcasm.

Narrator · George Sr.:And that's when George Sr. Did a Web search for the words, 'Jet pants.'

Lucille · family members · Narrator:And she's 'Britishish.' — She's a spy. — I haven't told Rita anything. — This was not strictly true.

Narrator · George Sr. · Larry (surrogate):And Larry, the surrogate, showed up to pick up the jet pack... What is that, a train set? Look down, Larry. — No, not down at your feet. — Left. — My left, your right.

Narrator · George Sr.:Actually, George Sr. was in the kitchen trying to soothe himself with an ice cream sandwich. And that's when he discovered a way to possibly slip by the sensors.

Buster · Narrator:Maybe we could build our Tiny Town together. Do you want to, Dad? — Buster had always wanted to do the same with Gob.

Narrator:Only Larry was disappointed. But he was such a pro you'd never know it.

George Michael · Michael · Narrator:They dropped off the package you sent, but I don't think I'm old enough for it. — Of course you are. I want you to have a little fun. You're not gonna break anything. — But of course, Michael thought he was talking about the train set. Not the extremely dangerous jet pack the boy had just found at the front door.

Narrator:Michael had just noticed that Rita was wearing a suspicious bracelet.

Narrator · Maeby:And Maeby received a call about the latest lava cauldron accident. Already? It's only been an hour.

Narrator · George Michael:George Michael, meanwhile, was trying to solve a mystery of his own. The jet pack had come with an instructional DVD that seemed to confuse more than clarify.

Narrator:And it did seem like a lot of work for a little payoff.

George Sr. · Narrator:Where the hell am I? — He was actually somewhere between the linen closet and the guest room.

Buster · Gob · Narrator:I'm really glad that we're doing this together. I've never felt so close to you. — Oh! I feel the same way. — He's crying now. — Oh, God, look at us. We're like a couple of girls on the last day of camp.

Narrator:He had, in the poorly narrated reality series, Scandalmakers.

Narrator:Motoyoshi said, 'I thought the woman was pretending as a monster but she was just out of vodka.'

Narrator · Tobias:So, as you can see, any rumor of a mole problem is completely untrue. But, unfortunately, this was just as Tobias appeared in his rented mole outfit.

Narrator · Gob · Lucille:Lucille! — Who can save our village? — Michael! — As it turned out, it was George Michael who had finally gotten his grandfather's jet pack to work.

Narrator:The Japanese were never to be heard from again.

Narrator:But even a pro like Larry has a breaking point.

Narrator · George Sr.:George Sr., disoriented in the walls, almost makes contact with a new mole. — Not that one. Wait for it.

Narrator:Narrator: 'For Rita had only mentally progressed to the level of a first grader. Michael might have noticed her disability if it had not been masked by her English accent.'

Lucille · Narrator · Michael:Lucille: 'People just see what they want to see. If she loved you, she'd show it.' — Narrator: 'Michael was worried — his mother may have been making sense.'

Lucille · Michael · Narrator:Lucille: 'People just see what they want to see. If she loved you, she'd show it.' Narrator: 'Michael was worried — his mother may have been making sense.'

Tobias · Narrator:Tobias: 'Oh, like when they say poofter to mean tourist, yes.' Narrator: 'Boy, that Rita's a smarty.'

Narrator:Narrator: 'Actually, her record was 20 seconds.'

Michael · George Sr. · Narrator:Michael calls his father from the hotel — awkwardly claims Rita is 'in the shower.' George Sr.: 'I'll wait.' Narrator: 'Let's wait.'

Narrator · Michael:Narrator: 'And that local calls were $2.95 a minute.' Michael: 'Come on!' Narrator: 'That's where they get you.'

Michael · Rita · Narrator:Michael and Rita escape on... something. Rita cheering 'Yay! Michael! Yay!' as they flee. Then they hit something: 'I hate that (bleep) doll.'

Narrator · Michael · Rita:Narrator: 'And that's when it dawned on Michael.' — then plays back: 'Oh, you teach kids, huh?' / 'Oh, I like to think they teach me.' / 'That way I can see if you have a monster.' / 'Be careful.'

Michael · Rita · Narrator:Michael 'tests' Rita: 'How many houses are there in the British Parliament?' Rita: 'Seven.' Michael: 'Are there?' Narrator: 'The answer is three.' Michael: 'Does sound about right.' Rita: 'Three is the correct answer.'

Narrator · Michael:Narrator: 'And Michael felt he deserved a $15 thing of candy beans.'

Narrator · Michael:Michael had been so devastated by their breakup that he'd even broken out the old guitar.

Buster · Narrator:Stay in this box that Uncle/Father Oscar left behind. / In fact, it was a box of Oscar's legally obtained medical marijuana.

Narrator · Bluth family members:'Herpes.' 'Shrinkage.' / Somebody saw Seinfeld last night.

Narrator:'Neck flap.' / 'Ovarian cancer.' Gee, I wonder who that was.

Narrator:The Bluths ended up raising over $25,000 to fight 'TBA.' / And then—and here's the really horrible part—they did it again the following year.

Narrator:Keep fighting, little guy. With your support of the Bluth Foundation, we'll live in a galaxy where 'TBA' does not exist.

George Sr. · Narrator:Uh, yeah, looks like I won't be going anywhere for a little while. What do I care, huh? I have a beautiful wife, I have a wonderful hobby. Hah— look at me, I'm having the time of my life! / His hobby was making papier-mâché copies of his own head.

Narrator · Child actors:Warden Gentles had convinced his granddaughters' teacher to mount New Warden as a school play. / 'I understand I've been causing problems. Nobody sells any coke in this pen without daddy getting a taste.' / 'Beat him with a pillowcase full of batteries.'

Lindsay · Narrator:Oh, right. Uh, he spoke at my school for a 'Startled Straight' assembly. / Actually, she'd met with him in the hopes of using his prison as a location for a film.

George Michael · Narrator:Oh, I may skip that, I don't like galas. / Actually, he loved galas, all kids do.

Narrator · George Michael:What he was having trouble with was looking directly at his dying uncle.

Gob · Narrator:But, thankfully, he'd found a way to forget that. / I've got a thing of pills in my pocket. I don't suppose I could convince you to grab me one? / Luckily, that worked, too.

Narrator · George Michael:George Michael was concerned about family love after reading Maeby's script, which he took as a subtle message to him from his cousin. / 'Anything can happen when two people share a cell, cuz.'

Narrator:Oscar never got a chance to hide behind the mirror. Although, it wasn't the first time he'd been knocked out by a powerful lid.

Narrator:And Michael himself was feeling a little like the host that the grafting family was rejecting.

Michael · Narrator:I'll just stay here and read. / But this, too, would prove challenging, as the family had no books. / Other than those.

George Sr. · Narrator:So he searched through Gob's magic stuff to find something that might. / Well, that was a freebie.

Gob · Narrator:Yeah, Dad made me move my stuff out of Buster's room. / But only after hiding himself in the cage to get past the cops at the door.

Michael · Gob · Narrator:Now just make sure you tell me before you hit any buttons. / Good. Now we know what the strap was for. / Okay. Under the crotch. / Need a new plan. Yeah.

Michael · Gob · Narrator:Wish I knew the layout of this place. / Way ahead of you, Michael. Drew a map of it on my stomach. It's upside down, so it might be a little awkward. / It was awkward.

Guard · Narrator:Hey, guys. / If you're gonna party, you want to bring it inside? / That was a freebie.

George Michael · Maeby · Narrator:'Because anything can happen when two people share a cell, cuz.' / It's a line from New Warden. / Oh. Oh! Okay, yeah. / I don't know what I was worried about. / That would be the happiest moment George Michael would ever experience in his life.

Narrator:And just as the prisoners had proven they could throw a gala as well as the rich, so the rich proved they could throw a riot just as well as the prisoners.

Narrator · George Michael · Maeby:George Michael gets closer to his family. / That was close, huh, Maeby? / Oh, she's in the next cell. / Looks like we're gonna be sharing a cell all night, cuz. / George Michael experiences his unhappiest moment ever.

Narrator · Buster:Buster tries to forget his recent losses by breaking out the old guitar.

Narrator · Gob:And Gob finally faces a phobia he'd faced before. / No! Not here! / Wait. I've seen this before. / Oh, God, I've seen this before!

Narrator · George Sr. · Michael:He's calling you a liar. I don't want your cards, Michael! / He believed it created a competitive spirit... He also believed footage of the tussles would be a big hit in the burgeoning home video market.

Narrator:Boyfights 2, A Boyfights Cookout, and Backseat Boyfights: The Trip to Uncle Jack's 70th.

Michael · Narrator:You guys are both gonna be sleeping with your eyes open. / Mom, however, will not have a choice.

Narrator · Buster:The job was at an Iraqi-owned toy store that was hoping to deter shoplifting. / [visual: Buster with a hook hand standing by a store entrance] / They only wanted me because I had one hand. And I won't do it!

Narrator:But FAO al-Jabaaly Muhammed a-Abat wasn't the only one having trouble scaring kids. So was Hollywood's third youngest movie studio executive, Maeby Funke.

George Michael · Narrator:That's gonna be difficult. Plus, they have a very aggressive slogan. [visual: Gob's banana stand sign visible 20 feet from the Bluth stand]

Narrator:A pulse makes him worth it.

Narrator · Maeby · Lucille:That night, Maeby, displaced by Buster, heard a noise. / Hello? George Michael? / I'm thirsty. / And Maeby knew she had found her blood-sucking creature.

Narrator:And they did. But it was less entertaining than you might imagine — no matter what music was put under it. / It was kind of funny to 'Yellow Submarine,' but who could afford it?

Narrator:So here's what happened at the end. / [scene showing the escalated absurdity]

Narrator:While Tobias was trying to get his mouth around Bob Loblaw...

George Sr. · Narrator:I'm not going to resist you guys, because, you know, I don't want you to beat me. / But the mistreated painters were actually looking forward to that part.

Narrator · Gob · Michael · George Sr.:And that's why you don't pit Gob and me against each other. / Yes! Yeah! / You set me up. / That's right! / No more 'Boyfights.' / J. Walter Weatherman was in on it, too? / Right from the very start.

Police · Michael · Narrator:Freeze! Drop the gun. / We're just trying to teach this guy a lesson. / Drop the gun! / Oh, my God! Buster's good hand just... came... flying off.

Narrator:And that's why you don't use a one-armed person to scare someone.

Narrator · Buster:Children were neither to be seen nor heard at the school Buster had attended — the Milford Academy.

Lucille · Narrator · Buster:He's like the steel man from The Wizard From Oz. / Tin man? / Is that what he's called? / He knows.

Michael · Narrator:'Save Our Bluths' — S.O.B.s

Narrator:Please tell your friends about this show.

Lindsay · Narrator:Hot ham water.

Narrator:Actually, it was because he was afraid his Aunt Lindsay was going to burn the house down.

Narrator:He sent the man a basket of poisoned muffins. Do you know the Muffin Man? There's a reward in it if you do.

Narrator · Buster:You can say what you want about the Milford Academy — the kids that came out of there were prepared for life. / Does anyone know how to eat one of these?

Donny Richter · Narrator:Identical quintuplets, actually. There was Andy the showoff, Donny the sensitive one, Jerrifth the flirt, Rocky the risk-taker and Andy's stunt double, and Emmett who asked that we not show his picture.

Narrator:Emmett who asked that we not show his picture. Although, composite photography tells us he'd look something like this.

Narrator:The glitter queen struck again. Never hire Tobias Funke.

Narrator · Gob:And Gob realized he'd accidentally worked a day in his life.

Narrator · George Michael · Maeby:And that's when he decided it was time to cheat off of her. / It also gave him an opportunity to smell her neck.

Narrator:Okay, we'll just tell you now. She's the one who dies.

Narrator:We're veering away from relatability again.

Narrator:I mean, think about it -- we can't show Emmitt without blurring him.

Narrator:The speech was disturbing, the food inedible and the gift bags... pretty frightening.

Narrator · Buster:Oh, and then that old racist woman choked on Buster's thumb. My thumb!

Narrator:All in all, it was one of the Bluth's better dinner parties.

George Sr. · Narrator:They're all sending in donations. And you know what key was? Your speech. It didn't sound desperate.

Michael · Narrator · Director:They're all sending in donations. And you know what the key was? Your speech. It didn't sound desperate. / Well, I guess it really doesn't pay to be desperate. / It sure doesn't. And... cut!

Narrator:Buster knew a great deal. For Lucille, almost nightly, got drunk and told him.

Narrator:You know, Michael, just because you played a role, doesn't make it real. Of course, Buster did grow up to be Captain Hook.

Lucille · Narrator:Oh, no. He thinks he's a lawyer again. / Devotees will remember that Michael once played a lawyer in a school play.

Michael · Doctor · Narrator:Could that mean that he's faking it? / Highly likely this is fake, although there doesn't seem to be very much brain activity. / No, that's him.

Narrator · George Sr.:Guess who liked that idea? / He says he doesn't want to do it. I'm actually trying to respect his choices lately.

Michael · Narrator:Nichael Bluth? / Am I N. Bluth?

Narrator:One room over, George Michael was also trying to convince someone to pursue a fake marriage.

Maeby · George Michael · Narrator:We'd have to kiss. Wouldn't that be kind of weird after what we've been through? / Well, that was a long time ago. / It had been two months since they'd kissed.

Narrator:And so, like many people who no longer felt anything for each other, they decided to get married.

Narrator · Maeby:And Maeby did the thing she had always thought was so corny... / I can't do this. I can't do this. / ...and ran away.

Narrator:And as George Michael acted like a boy becoming a man, Michael returned to his office to find a man acting like a boy.

George Michael · Narrator:Yeah, it's my dad's exercise room. / Although for all her worldliness, Maeby was still a child in many ways.

George Michael · Narrator:And I just feel now like we left a lot of old people sad there today. / Again, not true.

George Michael · Narrator:I'm just saying maybe we could take those weird feelings and turn them into something positive. / He really wanted that kiss.

Michael · Narrator:Hey, you guys know about this room, too, huh? I'm just looking for some evidence for my trial against Pop-pop. / For Pop-pop.

Lindsay · Tobias · Narrator:I'm trying to get on with my life, and you know what? You can't deal with it. / No, I can't, Lindsay. You're not interested in me. And you're not capable of intimacy. / Well, just fake it! / Coma. / And believe it or not, that actually got through to them.

Jan Eagleman · Narrator:We don't abandon each other. No one's closer than the Bluth family. / They were. / I now pronounce you husband and wife.

Narrator:For, as it turns out, the fake priest was called to a patient's room, and Father Ben filled in, not knowing it was fake. Congratulations. And that's how the kids got married.

Narrator · Announcer:The mock trial with J. Reinhold leads to imitators. All rise. Bud Cort is now in session.

Narrator · Michael:And Michael discovers that he wasn't N. Bluth after all. / I have an older sister? / So much for not abandoning family.

Narrator · George Michael · Tobias · Lindsay:Marital love can be so romantic. / What's that supposed to mean? / What? / Marital love. You were looking right at me, and you said 'marital love.'

George Michael · Narrator:We're married? / ...was, in fact, as real and binding as the rice pudding the disoriented patients had thrown at them.

Gob · Narrator:If someone was always asking you to embrace the Holy Trinity, what would you think they meant? / Gob thought it meant a three-way.

Employee · George Sr. · Narrator:So, when do we get to see our new, fancy office? / Soon as you get your new, fancy job. / You're all fired.

Narrator · Buster's Nurse:She found his complete lack of personality and movement enchanting. / I wish you would say something. Of course, if you did, everything would be ruined 'cause you wouldn't be as pure.

Narrator:She grew into the nose.

Michael · Nellie · Narrator:Michael and Nellie bond over an elaborate, boring locker story that goes nowhere — the narrator cuts away to check on other characters.

Narrator:Nellie was just a great listener. / Most prostitutes are.

Michael · Nellie · Narrator:How did you get into this line of work? / Well, I was buried in loan debt from business school, so I started whoring myself out. / Not that there weren't clues.

Narrator:Nellie has blown them all away.

Michael · Narrator:Franklin is Frank? / Mr. F.

Narrator:Title card reads 'It's... Attested Development'

Tobias · Michael · Narrator:Tobias explains finishing off the vodka: 'It goes bad once it's opened.' Michael: 'I think that's another one of Mom's little fibs. You know, like I'll sacrifice anything for my children.'

Narrator · Michael · Maeby:Narrator: 'Actually, he'd already told her about it.' — immediately after Michael says he's planning a 'surprise' party for Maeby.

Narrator · Tobias:Narrator: 'He's a classic scrapbooker. Right down to the woman's suit.' — as Tobias takes the scrapbooking flier.

Buster · Narrator:Buster is serving as a 'live body' for medical students, a human canvas for beauticians, AND a set of teeth for at-risk youth dental trainees — all while 'in a coma.'

Narrator · Buster:Narrator: 'That's okay, you put too much collagen in there. No, no, try it again.' — describing beauticians practicing on the comatose Buster.

Narrator · Buster · Dogbone:Dental student named 'Dogbone' has his forearm on Buster's windpipe. Instructor: 'Oops, you've got your forearm right on his windpipe there, Dogbone.' Narrator: 'It really was amazing for their self-esteem.'

Buster · Adelaide · Narrator:Adelaide tells Buster: 'Take a single step to show me your love, Gary.' — then Buster, who has been on his back for weeks, actually tries to step and falls. Narrator: 'It was love that made Gary take that step. Of course, he hadn't used his legs in three weeks.'

Narrator:Narrator: 'And imagine the impact if that had come on right when we turned on the TV.' — after Gob's segment finally plays, way too late.

George Michael · Narrator:George Michael considers Maeby's address book and decides 'I don't think Steve Holt has to come to this.' — but does invite Mickey Rourke.

Narrator:Narrator: 'The scrapbooking sting had helped the D.A. gather evidence against people as diverse as Ken Lay... Oliver North, but ironically not Martha Stewart.'

Narrator · Tobias:The scrapbooking class turns out to be a D.A. sting — the pre-made template pages include 'Foreign Bank Statements' and 'Shh! Family Secrets' alongside 'My Favorite Birthday.'

Narrator · Adelaide:The taxi driver arrives and 'went into a coma as soon as they pulled up to the hospital.'

Narrator · Buster:Narrator describes arriving in Iraq, then: 'He said he's taking surface streets to LAX because the freeway's backed up all the way to Knott's Berry Farm.' — the cab driver is navigating Los Angeles while purportedly in Baghdad.

Buster · Narrator:Buster, instead of a cab, 'hired them the only rickshaw in Baghdad.'

Narrator · American Instructor:The Iraqi prison guards are being trained by Americans — and they're practicing walking prisoners through a metal detector while forgetting to actually turn it on. 'The what? / The metal detector. / That's okay. Try again.'

Gob · Narrator:Gob performs 'The Burning Bush' illusion — with the crowd chanting 'Burn Bush, burn Bush' — which gets mistaken for an anti-American political demonstration.

Gob · Narrator:Gob: 'Oh shoot, I forgot to say good-bye to Yusef.' — then they're immediately released. Narrator: 'That was a lot easier than I expected. Almost too easy.'

Gob · Narrator:Gob: 'Oh, shoot, I forgot to say good-bye to Yusef.' / [They immediately walk out of prison] / Narrator: 'That was a lot easier than I expected. Almost too easy.'

Narrator · George Michael · Maeby:Narrator: 'But they didn't know it was the fake wine from Gob's magic show.' — as George Michael and Maeby happily drink.

Gob · CIA · Narrator:The CIA staged an 'honor marathon' to get Gob to run — showing Gob running through the prison yard. Narrator: 'They thought he was sure to take advantage of.'

Narrator · George Michael · Maeby:Narrator: 'And perhaps it was the fake wine, but that was the night George Michael and Maeby went to second base.'

Narrator:Narrator: 'And so, with Operation Hot Brother a success...' — finally calling it by Gob's name.

Narrator:Narrator: 'And so, with Operation Hot Brother a success...'

Narrator:So why is this man crying? Because now he'll have to stay with these people for a long, long time.

Narrator · George Michael:It was the monster called lust, to which he'd recently succumbed.

Narrator · George Michael:Although he'd only gotten to second base, he'd gone in head first, like Pete Rose.

George Sr. · Narrator:The Frozen Banana itself was the brainchild of a Korean immigrant who threatened to sue them. Your mother said she'd take care of it. The guy was deported to Korea the next day.

Narrator:Where his business never recovered.

Narrator · Gob:Michael went to cancel the reservation on the party boat Buster so feared. Gob! When he saw Gob on a party boat of his own.

Narrator:Lighthouse wasn't far off.

Lindsay · Narrator:!@%$, let me !@%$#%!@$%#@! Get your !@%$#%!@$%#@! Be gentle, she's almost 40!

Narrator:He also mentioned that we all only had three more weeks on Earth and that fossils were just something the Jews buried in 1924.

Narrator:And so, feeling that he couldn't go home, George Michael decided to seek out his own creepy uncle.

Narrator:George Michael was about to come across a hot seaman of his own.

Narrator:Gob had been dating Ann since he awarded her third place in an inner beauty pageant.

Gob · Ann's friends · Narrator:What? I thought that's what all you guys lived for. / While Gob debased everything they believed in.

Gob · Narrator:It's really not that big of a deal, George Michael. I'm 18 now. And besides, we really haven't even done anything. Practically nothing. But what are you gonna do? The girl obviously needs a man. And that's when George Michael became one.

Narrator · Gob:Gob, angry at Michael for sending his son to the docks, went into a kind of knee-jerk revenge mode. / Why go for the best when you can go for the rest... of your life with a younger man?

Michael · Narrator:My brother Gob, who I know would never do anything to hurt anyone in this family. / Except for dating his nephew's girlfriend and hitting on his adopted sister.

Narrator:It wasn't exactly a turn-on.

Lucille · Narrator · Hot Sailors:But Lucille was not going peacefully. / You boys know how to shovel coal? / I don't even wanna tell you what these guys thought that meant.

Michael · Narrator:What the hell was that? / It was his mother, who moments earlier had taken control of another queen.

Various · Narrator · Buster:It's moving! Oh, my God! / And Buster faced his second biggest fear. / I can't swim! I can't swim! / And then his first.

Narrator:And the two grand ladies made their escape together.

Narrator:It was Arrested Development.

Narrator:Michael wakes up to another strange bedfellow after his first night at sea.

Narrator · Lucille Bluth:The narrator explains Cinco de Cuatro originated as 'a particularly vicious response by a young Lucille Bluth to the Mexican holiday of Cinco de Mayo' — she invented a counter-holiday to deprive Mexican-Americans of party supplies

Narrator:The narrator delivers a Grinch-parody passage: 'You see, the Hispanics of Newport liked Cinco a lot / but high up on Coast Highway, Lucille Bluth did not... And then Lucille had a horrible thought, a thought that was thoughtless and better to not.'

Narrator · Unknown revelers:'Fill the bay with chorizo. Chorizo dump!'

Narrator:Narrator notes the Festival of Lights is 'another phrase they wanted back'

Narrator · Lucille 2:Lucille 2 is introduced as 'a longtime patron of the Bluth family' and the narrator immediately undercuts this: 'She certainly had demonstrated that with many of the men in the family... even having fallen for a few, although some of that was the vertigo she suffered from. But not all of it.'

Narrator:Narrator: 'Later that night, after Michael did something unthinkable, he was looking for a place to hide'

Narrator · Gob Bluth:Narrator reveals Gob has been taking Forget-Me-Nows (roofies) to erase his own memories: 'Gob had always taken a pill he called a Forget-Me-Now for that... but was commonly known as a roofie.'

Narrator:The 'Arrested Development' theme plays and the title card reads: 'Now, the story of a family whose future was abruptly canceled and the one son who had no choice but to keep himself together.'

Narrator:Narrator: 'Six months before the Forget-Me-Now, Michael had made good on a long-standing threat to go to Phoenix, and even though the Phoenix he went to was online, he still enjoyed the full college experience by living in a dorm room while doing so.'

George Michael Bluth · Narrator · News Anchor:George Michael mentions wanting to 'wean off the name George Michael' due to embarrassing search results, and the news clip plays: 'It was in this men's room in -- get this -- Beverly Hills that singer George Michael was arrested for soliciting sex from an undercover cop.'

Michael Bluth · Narrator · News Anchor:Michael suggests 'Boy George' as an alternative name, and the BBC news clip immediately plays: 'Singer Boy George in the news again today, this time for sexual assault in a men's public bathroom.'

Narrator:'Prior to this, his only dream had been to possess the power of flight. But that one turned out to be not as much fun as he thought.' — followed by 'Loose seal! Loose seal!' audio clip

Narrator · Michael Bluth:Michael has a detailed knowledge of maritime law from playing a lawyer in a school play called 'The Trial of Captain Hook' — and before that, 'his only dream had been to possess the power of flight. But that one turned out to be not as much fun as he thought. Watch out for the seal! Loose seal! Loose seal!'

Narrator:Narrator: 'He simply traded his shares of the Bluth company to Lucille 2. Getting himself out, and giving the balance of power to a woman who had no power of balance.'

Michael Bluth · Narrator:Michael dramatically announces 'You know what, I am done with this family' — and then the narrator immediately notes: 'But he did anyway.'

Narrator:The narrator teases disaster: 'Michael truly felt that nothing could go wrong. And then something did. Not that. That happens all the time. This.' — followed by a housing market collapse news segment

Michael Bluth · Narrator:The vote begins: Michael reads first vote — 'Michael' — then: 'Huh, what are you gonna do?' Second vote: '...Michael.' Narrator: 'Michael expected this, but didn't expect the sting. Wow.'

Narrator · Michael Bluth:The narrator wonders why Michael opens the fourth ballot: 'Was it out of hope or confusion?' — and whatever is on it is worse than three Michael votes

Michael Bluth · Narrator:Michael 'kicked himself for a pose he thought would express humility to Sanjiv, the Altitude photographer' — implying a deeply embarrassing photo in the magazine

Michael Bluth · Narrator:Michael steps out of the Phoenix airport: 'Hope you know a good place to live because I'm... Ooh, dear Lord.' The narrator: 'Whoa, Mother of God! Dear Lord! Whoo!'

Narrator:Narrator: 'Actually, George Sr. had come to the desert to escape questions'

Barry's son · Narrator:Barry Zuckerkorn's son proposes they become a 'No Liability Corporation' — 'an NLC'

Stan Sitwell · Narrator:Narrator explains alopecia renders Stan hairless — then Stan asks 'That's kelp; why would I put it onto my chest or head or anywhere else?'

Narrator:Halliburton Teen — narrator reveals Halliburton rebranded as a youth lifestyle retailer

Narrator:Narrator: 'It's also how their deep-water drilling enterprise spawned this company.' [showing Halliburton Teen graphic]

Narrator:Narrator: 'As you can imagine, her letters really stood out.'

George Sr. · Narrator:George Sr.'s noble speech about being 'the best brother in Southern California' — Narrator: 'George Sr. was going to say, by gouging the government...' / 'but he'd save that for Lucille.'

Narrator · Lucille Bluth:Narrator: 'his wife was also confined to a smoke-filled room, having found a way around both the building's strict no-smoking policy... and the fact that her ankle monitor prevented her from approaching the balcony.'

Narrator:Narrator: '...which is why this seat was empty at his wife's trial.'

Narrator:Narrator: 'George Sr. had been passed out for two days after having a vision... which is why this seat was empty at his wife's trial.'

Narrator:'He went to work on constructing a seminar, much of which he borrowed from his brief stint as a Jewish-y guru while in prison.'

Narrator · George Sr.:George Sr. gets ordained online to avoid taxes: 'he needed to be actually ordained as a religious preacher to avoid tax implications'

Narrator:Narrator: '"Squeeze" had two meanings.'

Narrator:Narrator: 'which is why it seemed that Father B. was so resilient to the depleting effects of the sweat lodge' — because it was actually Oscar all along

Narrator:'While Oscar was bushed.'

Narrator · Lucille Austero:Lucille Austero: described as 'so pro-immigrant' — 'She'd even taken in a Latino foster child, which she denied was an attempt to bring in the Hispanic vote.'

Narrator · George Sr. · Oscar Bluth:Narrator: 'George, who was acting more like Oscar, finally found Oscar, who was acting more like George.'

Narrator:The on-screen graphic: 'We 12 publishes a rare retraction. Oscar confirms his suspicions of the wall while impersonating George Sr.'

Narrator:Narrator: 'The hillside was also known for their bargains on designer handbags.'

Narrator:Title card: 'It's Lindsay's Arrested Development.' The episode title screen parodies the show's main title with Lindsay's name.

Narrator · Lindsay:Narrator: 'Lindsay was on a spiritual journey to let go of all possessions and to find something cute to keep her stuff in.'

Narrator:Narrator: 'after finding out she wasn't born to the family she couldn't bear.'

Narrator · Michael · Lindsay:Narrator: 'So, after getting briefly creepy with her brother... / Michael: I'm just not that into older women.'

Lucille · Lindsay · Tobias · Narrator:Lucille: 'You cannot say one nice thing to your daughter, can you?' / Lindsay: 'Adopted daughter.' / Tobias (narrator intro): 'This is Tobias Fünke, who should have taken more.'

Lindsay · Bystander · Narrator:Lindsay: 'My life is a fallacy.' / Bystander: 'Is that a gall see?' / Narrator: 'No, it's just a fallacy.'

Narrator:Narrator: 'We loved that. Where's that from? It's from nothing.'

Narrator · Lindsay:Narrator: 'Lindsay was looking for inspiration before she set out on her new path. And it only took until the 'Pray' section of Eat, Pray, Love for her to find it.'

Narrator · Lindsay:Narrator: 'after an hour or so with SkyMall, where she was proud of herself for only buying two things: a self-cleaning litter box in case she ever got a cat, and an inflatable hat box in case she ever got a hat.'

Narrator · Lindsay:Narrator: 'she got to a great article in the in-flight magazine and found herself filling up with inner peace and acceptance. I mean, not right away. That passenger had been pushing on her seat for, like, four hours.'

Narrator:Narrator: 'Lindsay's journey to let go of her baggage got off to a bad start at baggage claim when she picked up the wrong baggage.'

Narrator:Narrator: 'She had [been to the beach]. It was just too crowded to see the water.'

Lindsay · Narrator:Lindsay: 'But I'm not here just for the stimmy... is Tobias.' — After much soul searching, she concludes love is where she left it — at home with Tobias.

Narrator:Narrator: 'Mother's Day eve was the most joyous day of the year.' — Cut to the enormous, unfurnished new house.

Lucille · Lindsay · Narrator:Lucille's testimony includes the line 'when I was hungry, I suckled at her champagne glass breasts.' Buster wrote it from a camp letter.

Lucille · Lindsay · Narrator:Buster wrote it. / Recently? / I adapted it from a letter he wrote from camp. / I miss you, Mommy. Camp is scary at times. When I was cold, you clothed me. When I was hungry... Suckled at your champagne glass breasts.

Narrator:The camp is named 'Camp Kiss-A-Me-Mommy.'

Lindsay · Tobias · Narrator:The clinic turns out to be the 'Garden Grove Methodone Clinic.' Lindsay: 'What did you say the name of this acting class was again?' / Tobias: 'Method One Clinic.' — The sign reads 'Garden Grove Methodone Clinic.'

Lindsay · Tobias · Narrator:What did you say the name of this acting class was again? / Method One Clinic. / 'Garden Grove Methodone Clinic.'

Lindsay · Marky Bark · Narrator:Lindsay: '...he turned into an ostrich at the end, so... / They're not going to have that at the Embassy Suites.' / Marky: 'That's funny. I actually run an ostrich farm.' / Narrator: 'Coincidence?' / Lindsay: 'That's not a coincidence.' / Narrator: 'Yes, it is.'

Marky Bark · Narrator:Marky: 'That's because I say what I mean, I do what I feel. No lies.' / Narrator: 'Marky felt guilty because it wasn't his motto. It was the motto of a surf and skateboard company.' — Cut to company logo: 'Live truthfully. Skate through life.'

Marky Bark · Narrator:That's why my motto is, 'Live truthfully and skate through life.' / Marky felt guilty because it wasn't his motto. It was the motto of a surf and skateboard company.

Lindsay · Marky Bark · Narrator:Marky/Narrator post-sex: 'Wow. That was so fast.' / 'Thanks.' / 'I didn't know how long we'd be stuck in traffic, so...' / Narrator: 'And it sounds like it's moving, so... Move it!'

Narrator:Narrator: 'And soon, the lovers arrived and discovered the joys of their new desert home, dancing and making love all night.' / 'Now, that time was also very quick. And now we've freed the night up to dance again.'

Narrator · Marky Bark:Now, that time was also very quick. / And now we've freed the night up to dance again.

Narrator · Lindsay:Narrator: 'And, in an effort to be less glamorous, Lindsay cuts her hair, only to discover, much to her frustration... / Great. Even cuter.'

Narrator · Tobias · C.W. Swappigan's Employee:And Tobias becomes addicted to his new profession. / I'm an addict, and I'm starving. / Yes, you are starving, so would you like some butter? / I could give you some butter, and you can pay for it with a shoe.

Michael Bluth · Narrator:Michael takes a job at a company that drives a car photographing every private residence — but the show blurs out the Google Street View car and logo, with the narrator saying 'we're just going to blur it anyway' and Michael told to 'something' it.

Narrator · Michael Bluth:I'm used to a car with some stares. Albeit one that had trouble negotiating low-hanging obstacles.

Narrator · Michael Bluth:This is going to be low. / I hooked it. — Visual: the Google camera car knocking into a low-hanging obstacle.

Narrator:But it's also a company that won't let us show the car that takes those pictures. In fairness to them, it is their property.

Narrator:Narrator: 'Michael drove to the North American headquarters of Imagine Entertainment, the modest film, television and streaming colossus'

Narrator · Michael Bluth:'Ankles' means 'leaves' in Variety, Michael.

Narrator · Kitty Sanchez:Narrator: 'And she'd proven as loyal to him as she was to her former boss, Michael's father. But without the quote-unquote benefits. Also, Imagine provided no health benefits.'

Narrator:The narrator explaining Kitty's loyalty to Ron Howard: 'And she'd proven as loyal to him as she was to her former boss, Michael's father. But without the quote-unquote benefits. Also, Imagine provided no health benefits.'

Michael Bluth · Kitty Sanchez · Narrator:Michael: 'You're probably going to call me a pig for this, too, but are you sure that you meant to say "knew"?' Narrator: 'She did.' — followed by extended explanation of what Kitty actually blew.

Kitty Sanchez · Maeby Fünke · Narrator:Kitty: 'You know where all the bodies are buried.' Kitty: 'And I even helped bury some of them.' Narrator: 'Maeby was only 17 at the time.'

Narrator:Narrator: 'And the project got thrown on the back burner.' — Visual: a literal project (script?) on a stove burner.

Narrator:Only Jerry Bruckheimer's building was technically taller. But who wants to be south of Wilshire?

Narrator · Ron Howard lookalikes:'But first, Michael would have to pass a few little Rons.' — Visual: multiple Ron Howard lookalike assistants.

Ron Howard · Narrator:Ron Howard's movies sourced from random images: Splash from a counterfeit Hockney, Da Vinci Code from a photo, Willow from a Soft 'n Snuggly coupon.

Michael Bluth · Ron Howard · Narrator:Michael assuming 'my girl Rebel' refers to Ron Howard's mistress — talking conspiratorially in the LEM — while Ron is actually referring to his daughter.

Michael Bluth · Narrator:Michael is given a producer card that accidentally makes him a producer. He's delighted. Narrator: 'Health plan is not another one of the perks, by the way. No health plan.'

Michael Bluth · Barry Zuckerkorn · Narrator:George Bluth Sr.'s father never signed birthday cards — only gave money orders — because he claimed he 'didn't have a signature.' Barry rhymes: 'Oh! If you don't sign, you will be fine.'

Narrator · Michael Bluth:The narrator: 'It wasn't until Michael had walked two blocks past the California Pizza Kitchen when this happened. Hey, I met a girl today and her name is (BLEEP).'

Kitty Sanchez · Narrator · Michael Bluth:Explanation of why Michael's office ceiling is so low: Brian and Ron wanted taller ceilings, Bruckheimer blocked the building height, so Ron said '(BLEEP) you, Jerry' and lowered his floor. Brian then wanted his ceiling just a few inches taller than Ron's — causing Michael's office to be lowest of all.

Carl Weathers · Narrator:Carl Weathers never got rights for the Scandalmakers episode about George Bluth Sr. — and so he made himself the subject of the final episode when caught.

Carl Weathers · Narrator · DeBrie Bardeaux:The DeBrie collapse on the Scandalmakers set — 'Her heart stopped. She's (BLEEP) dying.' / 'Hey, Dave, you shaved, I like it.' / 'Please get the paddles!' / 'Hey, Mike. How was Ojai?'

Michael Bluth · Narrator:Michael: 'Who knows my father better than Warden Gentles?' — hiring the prison warden as screenwriter.

Narrator · Michael Bluth:Michael's 'Orange County Imagine' office sign is so similar to 'Imaging' (medical) that the office receives confused medical patients.

Narrator:The narrator on the bagpipe music: 'And like all bagpipe music, it was hard to tell if it was good music played horribly or horrible music played well.'

Michael Bluth · Rebel Alley · Narrator:Age comparison of sons: Rebel: 'Lem's six in August.' Michael: 'Seven in July.' Narrator: 'Michael regretted the lie, so he sort of split the difference.' Michael: 'Teen. 17. In July.'

Michael Bluth · Narrator:Michael finally sees Rebel's name — as a tattoo — after sleeping with her. Narrator: 'Oh, my God... I'm dating Ron Howard's girlfriend.' Actually, she's his daughter. 'But that's kind of worse, don't you think?'

Michael Bluth · Narrator:Fake 'next episode' preview: Michael goes to a doctor about a hernia — 'That is a hernia. I'm gonna send you to my guy at Hoag Hospital. They call him the Bulge Whisperer. He does 20 of these a week.'

Tobias · Narrator:What Sudden Valley does to these cell phones!

Narrator:Yes, Tobias was finally about to get a starring role on a hit TV show. / It's John Beard's To Entrap a Local Predator Supercreeps.

Narrator:It's Tobias' Arrested Development.

Narrator · Tobias:They're still reading it, but... Well, I guess I can leave them some Love. So he just took Eat and Pray.

Narrator:Eat was easy, although it provided no cosmic answers for him.

Narrator · Indian Drivers:I guess this is why you never see them driving convertibles. / Stay in your lane, anus tart! / Anus tart!

Narrator · Doctor:Tobias experienced India from the inside of a hospital room... once outside the airport and once in the elevator when his sheet got caught and he was pulled off his gurney. Literally. Two places indeed.

Doctor · Tobias · Narrator:You should be a comedy actor. / And finally it had. / This is the sign I've been... Looking for.

Tobias · Narrator:Although, as we discovered when our MasterCard bill came back, it was the same one she took.

Narrator · Michael · Lucille:At the time of this family meeting, 2,000 rupees was $36. / I wouldn't. / Of course you wouldn't, Michael. You never accept help from anyone.

Narrator:And so they went to the Fountain Valley China Garden instead.

Narrator:The suicide of his ruined and despondent agent certainly could [deter Tobias].

Tobias · Narrator:I believe he died as a warning, in a way, his message perhaps to live within our means and be realistic about our lives. / And yet it didn't. / Well, then I shall redouble my efforts so that he died in vain. / Meaning he will have led a pointless life, is what I mean.

Narrator:Twenty years earlier, DeBrie Bardeaux had played Sue Storm in the low-budget version of the Fantastic Four, produced by Imagine Entertainment, when, during Imagine's Christmas party, a drunk lawyer reminded them they'd lose the rights if they didn't make the film in the next six days. After a two-hour search, they found their entire cast.

Narrator:They also proved useful six days later at the wrap party.

Tobias · Narrator:Well, I thought it was 'fantastic.' / Actually, most of the performance that had so captivated Tobias... was performed by a fishing line.

Narrator:And after a not-very-cute meet-cute, Tobias continued to find DeBrie's behavior delightful, even when the methadone made her think she was a piece of toast.

Narrator:She had been in a series of soft-core porn movies about women leading straight men into gay sex called StraightBait.

Narrator:She did six of these movies, and after lunch, did three more.

DeBrie · Narrator:You remind me of Billy Crystal... / It would have broken Tobias' heart if he'd known she was about to say 'Billy Crystal Meth,' a funny drug dealer.

DeBrie · Narrator:You remind me of Billy Crystal... / Once again, she was going to say, 'Billy Crystal Meth.'

Narrator · DeBrie · Tobias:If you're wondering what 'too' referred to, it was this... / Let's do this. / Blackout. / And scene, as they say. / Her heart stopped! She's dying!

Tobias · Narrator:Mr. Feinberg? Would it change your mind if I offered you a free Sue Storm armband? / It did not change his mind.

Narrator:And although the hate crime charges were dismissed, they were told they could not continue to pose as the Fantastic Four.

Narrator · Bird/Maeby:And that's when he heard what sounded like two ostriches making love to a pop hit. / But was actually this. / ♪ Why don't you go away, go away / Get away, get away, stay away / You're hopelessly hopeless ♪

Lucille 2 · Narrator · Tobias:It would only pay 120 grand a year to start. / Tobias, whose girlfriend had nearly sold her body for money in front of him, knew that everyone at some time had to face reality. / Ummmmmm... / But this wasn't the time. No.

John Beard (offscreen) · Narrator · Tobias:Well, you're free to go. She's not here. / But this creep won't take 'go' for an answer. / That's all right. I'll stay, I'll wait.

George Sr. · Narrator:Narrator describes the wall project as 'something some considered insensitive' while George Sr. simultaneously says 'Which was my idea!' and a woman responds 'Was your idea' — then George Sr. murmurs 'Oh. Tender.' and 'Curious feeling.' as the narrator says he 'was feeling more sensitive by the day'

Herbert Love · Narrator:Herbert Love's campaign ad: embraced by 'everyone from the very wealthy... to their bankers and tax attorneys'

Herbert Love · Narrator · George Sr.:Love: 'I don't want to be the one to say it, but I happen to be fond of redheads and greenbacks' — and the narrator notes 'George Sr. had neither'

Narrator:Narrator: 'And, although too explicit for an American audience, the lovemaking was intense and beautiful but for one small misunderstanding that occurred during the afterglow'

Narrator:The familiar 'Now the story of a family whose future was abruptly canceled...' narration is modified: '...and the one father who had no choice but to keep himself together' — then cuts to title card 'It's George Sr.'s...'

Narrator · George Sr.:Narrator: 'And that's when George Sr. finally tipped a black man' — as George Sr. takes a $50,000 check from a waiter, having accidentally resolved Herbert Love's racial tension moment from earlier

Narrator · Buster:Narrator explains that Buster made the property map 'as a cartography student, because the class where you get to see naked people and draw them was full'

Narrator:Narrator: 'He was on his way to debase himself in an MRI machine when he ran into a son with whom he'd lost touch.'

George Sr. · Michael · Narrator:George Sr. at the MRI facility, seeing Michael: 'I wanted to speak to you... in person.' / Michael: 'Then you're here to apologize; that right?' / George Sr.: 'Sure.' / Narrator: 'Although, he covered pretty well. And of course to see you at Orange County Im-a-gine.'

Narrator:Narrator: '...and Michael, signed contract in hand, went to show off at the Ealing Club, while George Sr., magazine in hand, went to (bleep) off in an MRI machine.'

Gob · Narrator:Gob: 'Things are incredible for me, I'm having an incredible year. I am a movie producer now, producing a movie, so they've got me in this enormous office.' / Narrator's note: 'Michael could see that his brother was unhappy and that his life had not worked out the way he had hoped.'

Michael · Narrator · Rebel Alley:Michael's girlfriend is revealed to be 'Ron Howard's girlfriend' — actually Ron Howard's illegitimate daughter — 'a fact unbeknownst to many'

Narrator:Narrator explanation of Rebel Alley: 'She was Ron's illegitimate daughter, a fact unbeknownst to many... A woman who, like Bryce Dallas and Paige Carlyle, was named after where she was conceived.'

Narrator · Rebel Alley:Montage of Rebel's career: She did a Terrence Malick film ('Are we the same?'), got the lead in a Woody Allen film ('But I felt like I was in The Iceman Cometh, but, you know, in my case, he faketh'), and was directed by Ron Howard in a shoplifting PSA

Narrator:Narrator: 'But George Sr. hadn't built miles of wall. He just found a roundabout way to make it seem that way.'

Narrator:Narrator: 'Of course, it was Cinco, so it took a while for anyone to notice' — referring to the party being ransacked by protesters

George Sr. · Narrator:George Sr. finds a disguise and the narrator says 'Fortunately, he was able to find a disguise.' / George Sr. in disguise: 'Oh, God.' / Narrator: 'Unfortunately...' / George Sr.: 'This feels right.'

Narrator:Trout, a Southern boy who had a Northern man's taste in women.

Narrator:J.B.J., a weekend weatherman, all-week party boy and a huge disappointment to his father.

Narrator:Oakwood, a studio teacher, who might have had his own entourage, if his part hadn't been cut from the pilot of Modern Family.

Narrator:And, of course, there was the man they called Getaway.

Narrator · Gob:Gob had come far in the year since his girlfriend was less than an hour from turning 18.

Narrator:Ann less-unflattered herself up.

Narrator · Gob:A poll would confirm she was far from alone. For the fifth year in a row, your least favorite entertainers are magicians. A close second, talk show side-kicks. Hmm. You, too, America. 'cause I quit.

Narrator:Of course, Ann's concept of fourth base was very different than Gob's.

Narrator:Now, the story of a family whose future was abruptly canceled, and the one son who had no choice but to keep himself together. It's Gob's Arrested Development.

Narrator:It seemed the only 'her' Gob would be getting off that day was the Queen Mary.

Narrator · Gob:And Gob realized there was finally nothing standing in the way of a loving, committed relationship with Ann. My life is a fallacy. ♪ It's just a fallacy ♪

Narrator:So, that night, as he broke into her house to break up with her...

Narrator · Gob:But as she unzipped her pajamas, it reminded him of past situations which he'd successfully been aroused. Well, I could wait till after.

Gob · Ann · Narrator:Well, marry me. Yes. Yes, I'll marry you, Gob! Of course, Gob meant it in the showbizzy way his niece had always used when she was accused of being too young. What are you, like 15? Marry me. Marry me. Marry me.

Narrator · Gob:Gob was surrounded by unconditional love from a family for the first time in his life. [Beat of silence/reaction]

Gob · Narrator:Tony Wonder's making a fortune with that gay magician act. Gob's long-time nemesis had come out of the closet and used it to great advantage in his act.

Narrator · Gob · Michael:Gob was feeling bolder, which was perhaps why Michael returned home to find this. [Gob is nailed to a cross in the living room]

TV Announcer · Narrator:Father Marsala's John the Baptist. Then the antiabortion drama, Embryo Dan: It Would Have Been a Wonderful Life. And later, break out the bagels. It's time for Father M's lighthearted comedy, A Jew Came to Dinner.

Narrator · Church Member · Ann:Eleven exciting days, although nothing's really happened. Day 11. Once he gets out, it's going to be a beautiful, beautiful wedding. He's not coming back.

Narrator:And a hoarse, weakened Gob was unable to stop them as the boulder was shipped to a storage unit in Tustin. Although a keen eye could see that Gob was alive but not well.

Narrator:And that's why this particular chair was empty at the trial of Lucille Bluth.

Narrator:Nah, he got it. Okay.

Narrator · Rebel Alley:Never yell 'fire' in a crowded place. It's never funny. That's always funny.

Narrator:The next few months were a blur of partying. And shame.

Narrator:But Gob had a trick for helping him forget the shame. Unfortunately it also helped him forget that he tried to forget the shame.

Narrator:The roofie circle: Whereby a roofie is taken the day after a degrading event too late to erase the memory of the degrading event itself, but not too late to erase the prior day's attempt to erase the event. Thus, with no memory of taking the roofie, but the memory of the event very much alive, the victim of the roofie circle finds himself constantly trying to re-erase the memory...

Narrator · Mark Cherry:♪ Go away, Getaway, stay away, Getaway... ♪ But the lyrics were too subtle for Gob to notice.

Narrator:He got a call that his bee colony wasn't doing much better from a very much alive Johnny Bark.

Narrator:For Gob, however, it was an amazing night, and he couldn't wait to forget it.

Narrator:Gob had slept through the seven ambulances that had arrived after Josh Abramson had swung by to pick up an old computer.

Narrator:It was then that Gob noticed the presence of a competitor from his past. T.W. Tony Wonder.

Narrator · Gob:And that's when Gob decided to take advantage of an unexpected diversion and have a little fun by wedging shut a panel on the podium he knew Tony Wonder would pop out of.

Narrator · Gob:♪ Go away, Getaway, stay away, Getaway... ♪ Great, and now my boss is up my ass.

Gob · Narrator:My cave. [Gob finds his boulder/escape cave in a storage unit] Why didn't you open? Only to discover that someone had wedged shut his secret compartment on the day he deserted his Christian bride. 'T.' Tony Wonder.

Marky · Lindsay · Narrator:There's another dead iguana. / What does this mean? / Probably those bastards next door. [The bastards next door were actually a gathered group of CEOs attending a mid-summer sweat and squeeze.]

Marky · Narrator:I thought I scared those bastards off by scaring their leader. / The strong will become the weak. / But I think I overdid it first on the maca, because I ended up seeing two of him.

Narrator:Lindsay hated her new life, but even more, she hated herself for hating her new life.

Narrator · Lindsay:Hey, I know a place that just opened up. [beat] ...herself. Now the story of a family whose future was abruptly canceled...

Narrator:It's Lindsay's Arrested Development.

Narrator:One year later, however, the only thing they'd actually changed was getting the 'not urine' smell out of the penthouse.

Narrator · Lucille 2:Because Lindsay could only spend so many hours with a shrill, feathered creature... [cut] ...and needed to get away. / You look marvelous in that! Here, try this on.

Narrator:Lindsay was no stranger to making campaign posters, having made several in her seventh grade class president campaign against Sally Sitwell. Sally ultimately proved successful with a more fact-based campaign.

Lindsay · Narrator:"From Gangie 4: Facelift." / What a load of... / Mother.

Lucille Bluth · Narrator:I already wrote you a check for that. [flashback] New nose. / Worrying it would hurt her daughter's feelings... Put a 'Y' on there. / ...she put a fun spin on it. / 'Nosy.' And you should be thanking me for that. You looked like a can opener.

Lindsay · Narrator:And that's why she did this. [beat] I'm in. Let's bomb the bastard.

Narrator:After a few nights in the trailer, Lindsay showed up in Lucille 2's Tennille wig to be ready to release Marky from the podium at the appointed time, and then stroll out together in disguise. I think that's what this part refers to back when the disguise was going to be a two-part horse costume.

Maeby · Lindsay · Narrator:Maeby felt a foreign feeling. / I actually respect that. / Which is why, for the first time in her adult life... / So what are you doing here? / ...Maeby was totally honest with her mother. / I'm getting a lifetime achievement award for my work in the entertainment business. / I tried. Tell your therapist I tried.

Narrator:Lindsay hadn't heard the word 'jewelry' in a long time but tried to stay strong.

Lindsay · Marky · Narrator:Lindsay lost track of the time like Cinderella... and had forgotten to release Marky from the podium, and that's when she was struck with an eerie sense of déjà vu. / [Marky bursts from podium covered in blue] Oh, God, he blued himself.

Narrator · Lindsay:In fairness to Lindsay, it was Marky's face-blindness that led him to mistake this photo for the candidate. / Why Lindsay failed to recognize musical icon Nat King Cole cannot be explained. / But he's so modern looking.

Narrator:Lindsay was as blue as one of her men when she returned to the penthouse.

Narrator · Buster · Gob:...she was at least able to turn a man's head... Gentlemen, start your engines. ...although, perhaps had his head not turned... Buster. ...he would have seen the ostrich warning on the door. No, Gob. Oh!

Lindsay · Marky · Narrator:Why didn't you just come out? / I couldn't do it; someone locked me in. / In fact, it was Gob, thinking he was trapping the magician Tony Wonder into one of his illusions.

Narrator:He wasn't. In fact, he was just using her Love connection to make good on a deal he'd struck to get his father's movie rights.

Narrator:Lindsay wasn't special, but he'd gotten the necklaces on special.

Lindsay · Narrator:Uh, Bluth. I made a reservation. / ...Lindsay had to pay for dinner the way she always had... by secretly putting it on her family tab.

Lindsay · Michael · Narrator:Great to see you. And you look so good. / So do you. I do hate the campaign, okay, but I'm changing him. I'm his key advisor. / Although without an office, she was forced to advise him in the back of his limo. And soon she was advising him all over town. And he respects me for it.

Narrator:Her head was with Marky... but it was Love who was close to her heart.

Lindsay · Narrator:Lindsay tried to throw the money in his face, but she didn't have the muscle memory for it. / [She keeps it] / She's keeping it. / Oh, good.

Narrator · Lindsay:Lindsay was done pretending to be red. / I don't need this anymore. / And she decided the best way to get back at her mother and Herbert Love was by working for their mutual rival.

Lindsay · Herbert Love's Staffer · Narrator:Love wants to put up a wall. No, no. I mean, not just any wall. A wall to keep out the Mexicans. / Oh, wow, what a great crowd, uh... / And that's when the blowback began. / Checkmate!

Lindsay · Narrator · Campaign Staffer:My name is Lindsay Bluth, and this is who I am. / A Bluth, just like her mother. / She's a game changer.

Narrator:Herbert Love is discovered in a coma. They think it happened during the blowback. They found him behind the Kick a Goat.

Narrator:The doctors say he may come out of it in a week to ten years.

Narrator:And Annyong tries to stick the Bluth family for a tomato juice that costs him $700 and ultimately his freedom. Good-bye, Annyong.

Tobias · Narrator:Narrator explains Tobias was arrested 'despite his innocence' — flashback to Tobias asking arriving police officers 'Oh, hey, Officers, are you here for the raccoon?' and then asking 'Oh, is this going to be SAG or AFTRA?'

Tobias · Narrator:Narrator explains Tobias 'had, after a particularly vicious beating with a soup ladle, changed his tune — but didn't want to look too eager.' Cut to Tobias saying simply: 'Yes.'

Tobias · Narrator:Tobias says 'We're not doing a musical here' — cut to the episode being largely about putting on a musical

Emmett Richter · Narrator:Emmett insists 'I'm not Andy (bleep)ing Richter' while being described as Andy Richter's identical quintuplet brother — and 'unfortunately he wouldn't allow us to show his face'

Tobias · Narrator:Tobias: 'When it comes to DeBrie, you don't have to worry about her being under pressure because she's a professional actress.' Narrator: 'Which also made its way onto Tobias's reel for some reason.'

Narrator · Tobias · Argyle:Narrator: 'It was uncanny how much the two men had in common.' — both had 'Fantastic' connections, both called themselves 'Mr. Fantastic', cue ♪Mr. F.♪ sting

Argyle · Narrator:Argyle: 'They used to call me Mr. Fantastic.' [♪Mr. F.♪ sting plays]