Lucille Bluth

Lucille:Look what the homosexuals have done to me.

Lucille:It just makes me want to set myself on fire.

Lucille:Michael, look. Look what happened to my fox. Someone cut off his little foot.

Lucille:If you're saying I play favorites, you're wrong. I love all my children equally.

Lucille:I don't care for Gob.

Lucille:I wonder how I can talk you out of ever making that face again.

Buster · Michael · Lucille:Buster doing something on the balcony that he apparently cannot do on the balcony — it's too windy per Mom.

Lucille · Gob · Michael:I'm putting Buster in charge. — That's a good choice. — Buster? The guy who thought the blue on the map was land?

Lucille:The SEC is making him out to be some kind of mastermind, which... believe me... he's not. The man can barely work our shredder.

Buster · Executives · Lucille:You guys are so smart. — Two percent per annum. This is a non-recoupable... — We need Michael. — We need ice.

Lucille:Well, I'd rather be dead in California than alive in Arizona.

Lucille · Lindsay · Lucille:Well, I guess he really misses his family. — Well, he doesn't know us very well. — Yeah, clearly.

Lucille · Michael:The dead dove in the freezer — Lucille trying to return it to a pet store

Lucille:Lucille asking about the return policy for the dead dove

Lucille · Michael:Lucille: 'I don't know where they are.' (before Michael has finished his sentence) — Michael: 'You know, it's really more believable if you let me finish.'

Lucille:Lucille's increasingly vague description of the storage unit location: 'Something with Dale... Brookfeather... Raintree... It's hot. It's very hot there. I've never been. Get a warrant!'

Lucille:'It's hot. It's very hot there. I've never been.'

Michael · Lucille:Michael: 'But he's not special, Mother.' — a sincere assessment of Gob delivered with complete seriousness

Lucille · Michael:Michael: 'Where's the storage unit?' / Lucille: 'It's with your warrant.'

Lucille:Lucille to her housekeeper Luz: 'Luz, that coat cost more than your house!' / 'Oh, that's how we joke. She doesn't even have a house.'

Michael · Lucille:Michael tricks Lucille by calling and mentioning the IRS wants to check for 'furs or...' — then following her housekeeper Luz to the storage unit

Lucille:Lucille's response to Michael's complaint about Gob: 'He's my son. I want you to make him stop calling me.'

Lucille · Lindsay:Lucille to Lindsay at the restaurant: 'Not as much as you enjoyed yours. You want your belt to buckle, not your chair.'

Lucille · Maeby:Lucille to Maeby about the flaming Bananas Foster: 'You might wanna let that fire go out before you stick your face in it.'

Maeby · Lucille:Maeby: 'That's funny, 'cause I was gonna say, You might wanna lean away from that fire since you're soaked in alcohol.' / Lucille: 'Mine was better.'

Lucille · Lindsay:Lucille answers the phone and immediately says 'It'll fly out on its own. Why are you calling me? What do you need?' before Lindsay can say anything beyond hello.

Buster · Lucille:Buster bursts in: 'It's a bird.' Lucille: 'I know it's a bird. I'm on the phone.'

Lindsay · Lucille · Narrator:Lindsay: 'Michael just gave me the exact same lecture in front of everybody.' Lucille: 'Everybody? Who's everybody?' Lindsay lists everyone — and then the narrator delivers: 'He didn't invite Buster.'

Lucille:Lucille to Michael: 'You run around with everyone else, going on bike rides, making cornholes.'

Lucille:Lucille: 'Everyone's laughing, riding and cornholing except Buster.'

Lucille:Lucille: 'I know he's not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but he's sensitive, Michael.'

Lindsay · Lucille · Buster:Lindsay calls Lucille for money for a new dress. Lucille immediately: 'Get a job.' Then Lindsay invents a story that Maeby was beaten up and had her clothes stolen. Lucille: 'Send her over. I'll take her shopping.' Buster: 'You get off on being withholding, don't you?'

Lucille · Lindsay:Lucille: 'Buster said that? My Buster?' Lindsay: 'Not anymore, apparently.'

Lucille:Lucille arrives at the model home with a candy bar for Buster: 'Oh... No. I'm withholding it. Look at me getting off.'

Lucille · Michael:Lucille to Michael: 'I'm not going to let you destroy my relationship with my son just because you don't have one with yours right now.'

Michael · Buster · Lucille:Michael: 'You were flying today, buddy.' Buster: 'Yes, I was flying... but a little too close to the sun.' Lucille: 'You let him go in the sun? Get in the backseat. I'll be right out.'

Buster · Lucille:Final tag: 'And Buster is back where he belongs. Mom! What is it? I can't get down.'

Buster · Lucille:Tag: Buster is back with Lucille. Lucille: 'What is it?' Buster: 'I can't get down.'

Lucille:'If I wanted something your thumb touched, I'd eat the inside of your ear!'

George Sr. · Lucille:George Sr. on Lucille: 'She's very easily threatened. You remember the carjacker?' — Cut to: clip of Lucille screaming at carjacker / George Sr.: 'Well, she's certainly toughened up since then. She's eating lunch by the pool now.'

Michael · Lucille:Michael to Lucille: 'You know... there are certain things that he can't get from his children.' / Lucille: 'If you're going to say pride, you're wrong. He is proud of his children.' / Michael: 'Wasn't gonna say pride, Mom.'

Lucille:Pool food. My system's not used to curly fries. [Lucille, after Michael asks why she's never visited George Sr. in prison]

Lucille · Michael:Lucille: 'Did he say that he misses me? Does he need his wife's embrace?' / Cut to Michael's memory: 'Daddy horny, Michael.' / Michael: 'He said some wonderful things.'

Lucille:Lucille: 'Golf membership' want it? [as a negotiation chip for agreeing to visit George Sr.]

George Sr. · Michael · Lucille:George Sr. reacts to Lucille appearing in the prison: 'What the hell's your mother doing in here?' / Michael: 'You needed my help, and it was hard for you to ask, so I took it upon myself to bring her.' / George Sr.: 'That doesn't make you uncomfortable?' / Michael: 'The drive was a little awkward.'

George Sr. · Lucille · Michael:George Sr. panics as Lucille approaches: 'Hello, George.' / George Sr.: 'What the hell's your mother doing in here?' / 'Oh, I've done a bad thing.' / 'There's someone else in that trailer, isn't there?' / 'I've done a terrible thing.' / 'I've done a repulsive thing.'

Lucille · George Sr.:Lucille in the conjugal trailer: 'I, uh... Okay, I'll get down on the couch.' / Lucille: 'I'm not going to have sex with you, George. I came to tell you how much I hate you for what you've done to this family.'

George Sr. · Lucille:I, uh... Okay, I'll get down on the couch. / I'm not going to have sex with you, George.

George Sr. · Lucille:Lucille: 'The millions you pissed away on clothing and jewelry and spa treatments.' / George Sr.: 'Yes, to keep you interested in the only thing you ever appreciated... my body.' / Lucille: 'Can I help it if you've got a fantastic body? And you're as powerful as a bear.'

Lucille · George Sr.:'My husband the bear.' / 'This bear needs some honey, wife.' / 'Oh, God, I missed you!'

Gob · Warden · George Sr. · Lucille:Gob is pinned against the window of his parents' conjugal trailer by the warden. Gob: 'Oh, God, Mommy! What did you do?'

Michael · Lucille:Michael Bluth was fed up with his mother's extravagant spending. / 'Like it was yesterday.' / 'It was this morning.'

Lucille:To throw the most lavish party this town has ever seen for my birthday.

Lucille:Oh, here comes the 10:15 conniption, right on time. / Honest to God, Buster, it's like every little thing makes you seize up in terror lately. I have no idea where you get that from. Get away from that stove. You're going to light your hair on fire.

Lucille:Protein bars for your father. He's pumping up in prison.

Michael · Lucille:No more parties. Okay, Mom? / You're my third least-favorite child.

Narrator · Lucille:Lucille had recently been featured on Fox's World's Worst Drivers.

Michael · Narrator · Lucille:Surprise! / And she was surprised... that her family didn't show up.

Lucille · Michael · Gob:I've been a horrible mother. / No, Mom. You're great. You've been a great mother. / Well, you know she's been a horrible mother, right? / You don't have to tell me.

Narrator · Michael · Lucille:Michael, once again, arrived at the restaurant. — Surprise! — And once again, no one showed up.

Michael · Lucille:Get up. I told you. They don't support me. / I hate to tell you, Mom, but they don't support me either.

Lucille · Michael:You did that for me? / I let you drive, didn't I?

Lucille · Michael:Hey, big shot, too busy to go to your mother's party? / Mom, that is not Gob. Mom! Mom!

Michael · Lucille:Yeah. I guess. How's my mom? She's so frail. / I'm fine. I'm fine. I was thrown clear.

Lucille · Michael:Oh, dear. I can't believe I did that. / I am so sorry. I'll get you some air. / I hardly felt it. In fact, actually, I didn't feel it.

Michael · Lucille:You know, I should call George Michael. I'm worried about my son. / I'm worried about my son. George Michael will be fine with his aunt and uncle. / I want you resting, not using the phone. Let me take care of you.

Lucille:Scare. Did somebody say, 'Let's give him a sc...' What is the matter with me? Clumsy Clara.

Michael · Lucille:Gob was there. Gob was on his scooter. I think I wanted to hit Gob. Yes. That is exactly what happened. You wanted to give Gob a scare.

Lucille · Michael:You were going to South America? / I don't think so.

Michael · Lucille:I don't even remember you ever doing that before. / I just want my children to love me. / Stop lying. Stop manipulating. Just be nicer.

Lucille · Michael · Gob:I'm a horrible mother. / No, no, Mom. You're great. / That's crazy talk. / You're a fantastic mother. / I can't believe what I'm hearing, Mother. / Oh, we do. We really love you.

Narrator · Michael · Lucille:Narrator: 'Michael Bluth was fed up with his mother's extravagant spending.' Cut to Lucille asking for a yacht crew to throw the most lavish party this town has ever seen.

Lucille:'To throw the most lavish party this town has ever seen for my birthday.'

Lucille:'Oh, here comes the 10:15 conniption, right on time.'

Lucille:'Honest to God, Buster, it's like every little thing makes you seize up in terror lately. I have no idea where you get that from.'

Lucille:'Get away from that stove. You're going to light your hair on fire.'

Lucille:'He's weak.'

Lucille:'Protein bars for your father. He's pumping up in prison.'

Lucille:'You're my third least-favorite child.'

Narrator · Lucille:Narrator: 'Lucille had recently been featured on Fox's World's Worst Drivers.'

Narrator · Michael · Lucille:Surprise party #1: Michael arrives with Lucille at the restaurant. 'Surprise!' — and she was surprised that her family didn't show up.

Lucille · Michael:At dinner, Lucille delivers her guilting monologue — 'It's dry' / 'I've been a horrible mother' — and Michael immediately capitulates.

Narrator · Michael · Lucille:Surprise party #2: Michael arrives again with Lucille at the restaurant. 'Surprise!' — and once again, no one showed up.

Lucille · Michael:'You did that for me?' / 'I let you drive, didn't I?'

Lucille · Michael · Random Man:Lucille leans out the window yelling at the scooter rider — turns out it's not Gob — and hits him with the car.

Random Man · Lucille · Michael:'Yeah. I guess. How's my mom? She's so frail.' / 'I'm fine. I'm fine. I was thrown clear.' / 'I only care about you.'

Lucille · Michael:'Rest up, sweetie. You gave me quite a scare.' / [Michael processes] 'Scare. Did somebody say, "Let's give him a sc..."' / 'What is the matter with me? Clumsy Clara.'

Michael · Lucille:Michael pieces together the accident: 'Gob was there. Gob was on his scooter. I think I wanted to hit Gob.' / Lucille (Bluth): 'Yes. That is exactly what happened. You wanted to give Gob a scare.'

Michael · Lucille:'Mom, you and I were getting along so well. I was thinking so highly of you. How could you make me think this was all my fault?' / 'Because if you knew it was my fault, you would've turned against me. And I had finally gotten you on my side. You were sticking up for me. I don't even remember you ever doing that before.'

Michael · Lucille:Michael: 'Stop lying. Stop manipulating. Just be nicer.' / Lucille: 'But...' / [long pause] / 'You're right.'

Lucille · Michael · Gob · Lindsay:'I'm a horrible mother.' / 'No, no, Mom. You're great.' / 'That's crazy talk.' / 'You're a fantastic mother.' / 'I can't believe what I'm hearing, Mother.'

Lucille · Michael:I'm so glad you're here. I want you to help me break up your brother and his girlfriend. / Well, I'm all for that. / He's locked on the balcony. / Oh. You meant Buster.

Lucille · Michael:She changed him as a baby. / Okay. That's about the creepiest thing I've ever heard.

Lucille:You're the only child who chose a spouse I liked, and she's the one who had to die.

Lucille:It's a good thing he's already got that little scooter.

Buster · Lucille:Where's my bed? / I put it in storage.

Narrator · George Sr. · Lucille:Unfortunately, after a recent escape attempt, George Sr. had been put in solitary confinement. [30 seconds of silence/solitary scene]

Lucille:Why is there a piece of shoe on your head?

Lucille:Well, more importantly, Buster's been humping the widow Austero.

Lucille · George Sr.:He stays there sometimes until 7:00, 8:00 at night. Peanut brittle on his breath. Is she the one who's going to take him to the dentist? / She already has.

George Sr. · Buster · Lucille:'May you live. May you be well. I give you my blessing.' / Wow! Really? / Are you out of your mind?

Lucille 2 · Lucille:Hello, Lucille. / Hello, Lucille. Having a good time with my son?

Lucille · Lucille 2:You know, he's damaged goods. He was born with a hole in his heart. / Now listen to me, Lucille. I'm gonna fill that hole, 'cause we're in love.

Lucille:You're no more in love with him than I am.

Lucille:I was wondering if you'd like to play bridge with me next week?

Lucille:'Don't ever mention Klimpy's to me again.' / 'If I still had money, I'd buy a Klimpy's just to burn it to the ground.'

Lucille · Waitress:At Klimpy's, waitress asks 'Plate or platter?' and Lucille replies: 'I don't understand the question, and I won't respond to it.'

Lucille:'Everything I've said about you can be covered with makeup and a lie about a thyroid problem.'

Lucille:'Good grief almighty! You think I'm enjoying my slide into poverty?' — Lucille in the middle of a food fight at Klimpy's.

Lucille:Lucille: 'Good grief almighty! You think I'm enjoying my slide into poverty?'

Lucille:'Oh, big deal. Buster's the only one who ever liked it.' — Lucille dismisses George Michael losing his chance at Milford.

Lucille:Lucille is eating a raw onion like an apple at the family meeting. When asked 'Is this your onion?' she simply says 'Yes.'

Lucille:'Who doesn't love the Jews?' — Lucille, enthusiastically endorsing George Sr.'s Torah group as good PR.

Lucille:'Hanukkah can be spelled so many ways. Oh, God!' — Lucille has a crisis over Hanukkah spelling during the PR strategy discussion.

Michael · Lucille:Michael arrives at Jessie's, ready to recommit, saying 'I really want to make this work' — but is cut off by Lucille storming in: 'Get away from my son!'

Lindsay · Michael · Jessie · Lucille:The article Jessie planted: 'Lindsay's a combative, entitled princess.' Lindsay reads it and Michael confronts Jessie. The Bluth family food fight at Rud begins.

Michael · Jessie · Lindsay · Lucille:Michael confronts Jessie about talking to George Michael: 'You said that to my son?' / Jessie: 'Yeah.' / Michael: 'You're on your own. Ladies?' — and the food fight begins.

Lucille · Lindsay · Jessie:Food fight breaks out at Rud. 'Food fight!' 'What are you doing?' 'Oh, my face!' 'I'm gonna get you guys! Stop!'

Michael · Lucille:Anniversary? You asked me to throw a Valentine's Day party. — Did I? — You tricked me. — I deceived you, Mom. Tricked makes it sound like we have a playful relationship.

Lucille · Lupe:Touché. Lupe, untie the balloons!

Lucille · Carl Weathers · Tobias:Lucille invites Carl Weathers to dinner on the one night Tobias has class, then 'innocently' suggests Carl and Tobias have dinner alone.

Carl Weathers · Lucille:Carl Weathers: 'I never say no to dinner, with a beautiful lady — that is. Do you like ham?' 'No. I love it.'

Lucille · Buster · Michael:Lucille interrupts the call: 'Can I throw out this yogurt?' — Buster responds with two simultaneous conversations, Michael has to manage both.

Buster · Lucille:Buster reading from a note: 'Because you know I don't appreciate how you treat me. I am not a child, Mother.' — then: 'Blow.' / 'No, Mother! I can blow myself.'

Lucille · Michael:Lucille, alone in her apartment, says she's 'never lived in the apartment alone' and fears she's 'not up to this.'

Michael · Lucille:Michael cites Caged Wisdom to Lucille — 'There is joy in solitude, Lucille. Try being alone. It just might make you happier.' Lucille: 'Honey, my happiest times here are alone.' — Immediately asks the building manager about the 'hole being available between 4:00 and 6:00.'

Lucille · Narrator:Lucille, alone, turns on TV — George Sr.'s Caged Wisdom is playing. She turns it up to maximum volume and realizes she likes being alone.

Lucille:Lucille: 'All I know is it took an extra year before we could add a den.'

Lucille:Lucille: 'I saw them making out at her front door. Just now. Huh!'

Lucille:Well, maybe I'll get a son who will... finish his cottage cheese!

Lucille · Michael:Michael, the little Korean is here, and I don't know what to do with him. At least, I think it's a him. You've got to strip them down to next to nothing before you can even tell.

Michael · Lucille:Yeah, Mom. I just spoke to Social Services and although they don't like to do this, if you can prove that it's a bad environment for a child — and I would suggest saying what you just said to me, don't change a word — they will take him back.

Lucille · Annyong:Lucille to the adopted child: 'Ha, ha, ha. Uh, don't get too comfortable. Shoes on, mister! Shoes on! He's out of control.'

Narrator · Lucille:Lucille could see that her son was concerned, even jealous. And she knew how it felt to be overlooked.

Lucille · Annyong:Yes. Annyong is your brother now. / Yes, Annyong.

Lucille · Michael:Yes, Annyong. Excuse me. Oh, Michael? Call it off. / I'm keeping him.

Lucille:Yes, Annyong. Your name's Annyong. We all know you're Annyong. Annyong. Annyong. Annyong.

Lucille · Annyong:Annyong keeps saying 'Annyong' (which means 'hello' in Korean) and everyone thinks it's his name. Lucille: 'Yes, Annyong. Your name's Annyong. We all know you're Annyong. Annyong. Annyong. Annyong.'

Lucille:Watch your back, my little immigrant friend! (Lucille to Annyong from a moving car)

Lucille · Annyong · Narrator:Annyong's name is revealed to not be a name but the Korean word for 'hello' — every time he 'says his name' he's just greeting people

Lucille · Buster:Lucille on Annyong's work ethic: 'unlike some sons I know' / Buster: 'I'm a scholar. I enjoy scholarly pursuits.'

Lucille:Lucille: 'Suddenly playing with yourself is a scholarly pursuit.'

Lucille:Lucille about Lupe's family reunion bus: 'We can't have them hanging around like freeloaders, looking for an easy buck.' — said while she herself is about to ask Michael for a paycheck she doesn't earn

Michael · Lucille:Michael: 'You get a paycheck from the Bluth Company?' / Lucille: 'It's important to the company that I keep up the image of my lifestyle.' / Michael: 'Illusion, Mom.'

Lucille:Lucille: 'I believe I'm the one that asked you to start shopping at Quantity Plus. They made me apply for a membership card. It was humiliating.'

Lucille:Lucille arrives home to an empty house, calls for everyone ('Lupe! Buster? Annyong? Hello?'), then realizes she's alone and immediately calls another housekeeper: 'Hola. Is Rosa still alive? No? Hmm. Okay. This is not my day.'

Lucille:Lucille: 'Hola. Is Rosa still alive? No? Hmm. Okay. This is not my day.'

Lucille:Lucille: 'There's just absolutely no purse that will go with this outfit.' — while in a prison visiting room

Lucille · Annyong · Buster:'You've got a little pocket there, Annyong.' / 'Annyong.' / 'That's not getting old.'

Lucille:Lucille describes her dead mother as if she's alive and on a cruise: 'She just came back from a wonderful costume party the captain threw. She gained 10 pounds — there's so much food on that boat. She's up to 74!'

Narrator · Lucille:Narrator: 'In fact, Lucille's mother had been dead for six months.'

Lucille:Lucille: 'She tried pesto for the first time. Can you believe that? Ninety-two years old and she never tried pesto.'

Lucille · Annyong:Annyong emery board: Lucille uses Annyong as a living accessory, handing him an emery board. 'Isn't he great? And he goes with everything.'

Lindsay · Michael · Lucille:Michael asks about Nana; Lindsay: 'I think Mom sent her to a nursing home, some gray, windowless room... against her will.' — cut to Lucille on phone

Lucille:Lucille arrives at the magic show: 'We just got here. I couldn't find my keys. I can never find anything in here.' — she has an enormous bag

Lucille · Banker:Lucille to banker: 'There must be somewhere I can put this money where it can't be touched.' / 'I suppose you could keep it in your purse.' / 'Very funny, but I'm not carrying a purse.'

Lucille · Annyong:Lucille: 'It's in a trust fund for Annyong.' / 'Annyong.' / 'No one can touch it but me, and I retain control of it until he's 18.'

Lucille:Lucille: 'Stop lecturing me. I just lost my mother.' — after lying about her mother for months

Lucille:Lucille's response to seeing a woman near the courthouse: "Hey, you're not one of those silly men that's dressed like a woman, are you?"

Michael · Lucille:"I don't understand how a person can put their sex life in front of their work." / "He's a man, Michael. He needs a woman."

George Sr. · Lucille · Michael:George Sr. wants to fight the case because of Cindi's secret encouragement — "I want to fight this thing. I can beat it. I know it for a fact." — mirroring her exact words

Lucille · Narrator:Michael's reveal that he was in a drama club production of 'The Trial of Captain Hook' to satisfy an English requirement — implying he played a lawyer in 10th grade

George Sr. · Cindi Lightballoon · Lucille:George Sr. and Cindi are discovered tweaking nipples through a chain-link fence; Lucille arrives

Lucille:Lucille calls Cindi "this great redwood of a whore"

Lucille:Lucille: "How many times are you going to screw up before the rest of this family sees you for the screwup you are?"

Lucille:Lucille reveals she and George Sr. are divorcing; reassures Michael/Lindsay: "Oh, don't worry, sweetie. No one is fighting over you."

Lucille:Lucille: "You'd think a man locked up in prison would be able to abstain."

Lucille:Lucille: "Your father, with his disgusting tweaking!" / [beat] / "I couldn't breast-feed any of you kids because of that man!"

George Sr. · Lucille:George Sr. reveals he slept with Lucille's sister — but frames it as having been a good thing "Got her to stop drinking, didn't it?"

Lucille · George Sr. · Michael:The family collectively decides to take the plea without reading it, persuaded by Lucille saying "It's so nice and thick."

Lucille:Nobody will read the plea — even in the courthouse. Lucille: 'It is thick. Why don't we just take it?'

Lucille · George Sr.:Uh, you. I was raising the children. When was the last time you raised children? Excuse me? I've got two in the waiting room right this moment.

Gob · Lucille · Tobias:They don't have a case against us. I took care of everything. / Something smells wonderful. / Well, thank you. Would that I could say that I wore it to impress you, but no, I'm afraid it's merely a cloaking agent from a sadly blunderous afternoon.

Buster · Lucille:I'm not going anywhere. You're the one who's staying put. Not me. You. / What's gotten into you? Have you been eating cheese?

Lucille · Annyong:Lucille about Annyong's juice box: 'Those are for his soccer team. No sugar for you. You just get more awful.'

Lucille · Buster:Lucille spelling out J-U-l-C-E / Buster: 'I can spell, Mom. You spelled juice.' / Lucille: 'Oh, you're so brilliant. Let's see you find it.'

Lucille:Lucille: 'Besides, I'm going to Annyong's soccer award ceremony... And I don't need the other soccer moms knowing how old my first batch of kids are.'

Lucille · Annyong:Lucille: '— Annyong's...' / Annyong: 'Annyong.' / Lucille: 'Would somebody please tell this insufferable child to... God!'

Lucille · Gob · George Sr.:'On the next Arrested Development...' / Lucille: 'Oh my god. I killed Michael.' / Gob: 'Yeah, but on the plus side, you got punched in the face.'

Lucille · Michael:Lucille: 'Oh, that's funny. I meant a matter of L and D — Life and Death.' [the note read 'a matter of land']

Lucille:Lucille: 'What is the matter of life and death? Buster's jaw clicks when he eats. I think it's what's driving his friends away.'

Michael · Lucille:Michael: 'You know, Mom, if you want an operation that's really gonna help him, you ought to have them finally cut that cord.'

Lucille · Narrator:Lucille: 'I seem to remember a certain someone running to Mommy when his algebra teacher made an example of him.' [Narrator: Michael had been suspended when another boy cheated off his test.]

Michael · Lucille · Narrator:Flashback young Michael: 'Tracy won't marry me. I won't get a job, and...' Lucille: 'Let Mama take care of it.' [Narrator: The next day, Mr. Vandenbosch was not in school. He was never heard from again.]

Lucille · Michael:Lucille: 'I seem to remember a certain grown man who completely fell apart two weeks ago when I taped over the Nova special that had the girl on it he liked.' Michael: 'That was Buster. That's my point.'

Lucille:Lucille: 'I hope you're here to bring me a check for Buster's surgery. They made him stop eating after midnight, and he's hungry, and he's in a foreign land, and his jaw is clicking, and he's scared.'

Michael · Lucille:Lucille hugs Michael. Michael: 'Why are you squeezing me with your body?' Lucille: 'It's a hug, Michael. I'm hugging you.' Michael: 'Why?' Lucille: 'Because you need your mother right now.' Michael: 'But I don't get along with my... Sorry. That was a knee jerk.'

Michael · Lucille:Michael: 'No, Mom, come on. I don't want you to do anything. Hey! This isn't algebra.' Lucille is already on the phone. Michael: 'Mother! Do not make somebody dis... disappear.'

Lucille:Lucille hangs up, looks off at someone offscreen: 'Now there's someone who could have used a good mother. Whore!'

Oscar · Lucille:Oscar to Lucille: 'Lucille! You look fantastic! You still have the neck of a 20-year-old.' Lucille: 'And you still have the hair of a lion.'

Lucille · Oscar:Lucille to Oscar: 'Take back the land.' Oscar: 'That's it? But I thought we could have this brief moment to... reconnect.'

Lucille · Oscar:Lucille: 'Oscar. Your brother is in jail right now. My husband is in jail.' Oscar: 'You're right.' [beat] 'So what's the rush?'

Michael · Lucille:Michael: 'I'm sorry about yesterday. It was a moment of weakness.' Lucille reveals she bought out Jordan's shares. Michael: 'With what?' Lucille: 'With the money you tried to spend on that lemon grove.' Michael: 'You got it back. How?'

Lucille · Michael:Lucille: 'You know about what I was saying about how people outlive their usefulness?' Michael: 'That was out of line.' Lucille: 'I know. But you made a good point. Maybe I do need something to occupy my time, other than my children.'

Lucille · Michael:On the Next Arrested Development: Lucille says 'I remember a young man who used to say But I don't have bad dreams in your bed!' and Michael says 'That was Buster.'

Lucille:Lucille: 'She's right though. You probably are a homosexual.'

Buster · Lucille:Buster: 'No, he's not! I came out of you! He didn't!'

Lucille · Oscar:Lucille to Oscar: 'What are they gonna take, the one can of Comet you've got in there?' / Oscar: 'Oh, your tongue is as sharp as your body is still taut.'

Lucille · Oscar:Lucille catching Oscar smoking pot at a children's soccer game: 'Oscar, this is a children's soccer game, not Woodstock.'

Michael · Lucille · George Sr.:'Nothing works in this house.' / 'Tell me about it.' / 'Is that a shot at me?'

Lucille:Lucille: 'He's thinking about bees again.'

Lindsay · Lucille:Lindsay: 'Great. Before you know it, I'll be in the red.' Lucille: 'And you can take that to the bank.' Lucille: 'I'm sure they'll contact me first.'

Michael · Lucille · George Sr.:You? No one wants you. Does anyone want him? / Who would want him? / They don't want you.

Lucille:Lucille describes the girl George Michael is on a date with: 'Some girl. I mean, she barely has a face. You couldn't pick her out of a lineup of one.'

Lucille:Lucille: 'Does that look a little like our kitchen island?' — staring at the news footage of Saddam's palace

Lucille:Lucille: 'That's funny. I always pictured Iraq in the middle of the desert.'

Lucille:Lucille: 'He never told me where he was going, but he used to come back from those business trips reeking of lamb. And people would send figs — not even at Christmas. In the middle of October. Oh, and once, someone sent him a toe, and he went white as a sheet.'

Lucille:Lucille at the hospital: 'It's his own fault. What kind of diet is this? It's too much meat. I want all of you off this immediately. Except you.' — to Tobias

Lucille:On phone, Lucille complains about George Michael: 'Where's George Michael? Ever since he's been dating this Annie McNo-face, he's been blowing me off.'

Michael · Lucille:Michael imagines his family panicking: 'I'd love to see the look on their faces right now. Where'd he go?' — cut to Lucille on the phone calling for him

Lucille · Buster · Michael:Buster holding Lucille's 'rape horn.' Lucille: 'Yes. I have a rape horn, Michael. Because you took away my Mace.'

Lucille:Lucille: 'Suddenly he's too much of a bigshot to brush Mother's hair.'

Michael · Lucille:Michael: 'I don't know why you're not taking this I'm out of here seriously, but I am out of here, seriously.' Lucille: 'Let's face it, Michael, you've made this threat before. Tell me. When.' Flashback montage of Michael repeatedly saying 'I'm out of here' in various contexts.

Buster · Lucille:Buster: 'You're the one who says I need a father figure.' Lucille: 'Yes. A father figure.' [Pointedly not Oscar]

Lucille:Lucille to Michael: 'Well, if it isn't the boy who cried Phoenix.'

Lucille · Buster · Oscar:Lucille: 'I sent [Oscar] out for a new air horn.' Shot of Buster waiting, then Oscar returns with a giant air horn.

Lucille:Lucille on camera to reporter: 'Oh yes, would you enlist your son or daughter in the army?' [Long pause] Lucille: 'Yes.'

Lucille:Lucille casually says 'I want you.' to Michael — filmed in a way that makes it seem oddly seductive before context reveals it's manipulative maternal control

Oscar · Lucille:Oscar to Lucille, re: his long hair: 'I guess I'd look like you. More than you'll ever know.' — implying their intimate history

Michael · Lucille · Buster · George Michael · Gob:Michael: 'None.' Family members simultaneously shouting needs: 'Oh God, okay fine I need you.' / 'Mom volunteered me for the Army just because the fat man dared her.' / 'I lost my wig. My Uncle Sam wig.' / 'Michael, I am sitting on some very hot information here. I know too much. I've got the thingy. Half in English, half in scribbly.'

Doctor · Michael · Lucille · Lindsay:Doctor: 'It... looks like he's dead.' Family gasps. Doctor: 'It just looks like he's dead. He's got, like, blue paint on him or something. But he's going to be fine.' Family turns on doctor.

Lucille:Lucille produces a briefcase: 'Dad's signed contract with Saddam.' Pause. 'Hussein.'

Lucille · Gob:Get rid of the Seaward. / I'll leave when I'm good and ready.

Lucille · Oscar:Oscar, we'll be heard. / That's what makes it so hot.

Lucille · Michael · Oscar:I heard zoo noises. It's nothing. Go back to bed. / So, everybody's still up, huh?

Michael · Lucille:You volunteered him. / I knew you were going to throw that in my face.

Michael · Lucille:Hey, why don't you volunteer Oscar? That would solve both of your problems. / He'd never cut his hair. / That hair.

Buster · Lucille:They didn't think there was enough wrong with me. / Well, did they check everything? / Yes. They even touched my Charlie Browns.

Lucille:Now, which pinkie do you use less?

Lucille · Oscar:Are you nuts? Do you know what I went through to have this boy? / Oh, I know where the boy came from.

Lucille:Wait. Why were you in the pantry?

Lucille:We don't have to build a real house, Michael. Like you said, it's all for appearances anyway. We throw up a couple of walls. / Nothing on the inside.

Lucille:Did you see the news? Your Uncle Oscar forced himself on me at the beach today and I didn't have my horn.

Lucille · Buster:Buster, you can't! / Yes, I can. I don't agree with your dirty doings here, but I will defend with my life your right to do it.

Lucille:Lucille: 'Allow me. I'll just circumvrent you.'

Lucille · Michael:Lucille: 'I hired him a hundred years ago to find out if your father was cheating on me. He never did find anything.' Michael: 'Well, he can't be very good then.'

Lucille · Narrator:Lucille's reaction to Gene Parmesan: 'Gene! Oh, Gene!' — followed by narrator: 'Gene was far from the best.'

Lucille · Michael:Lucille: 'You know, he's doing it [joining the army] just to spite me.' Michael: 'Then why are you throwing him a party?' Lucille: 'Just to spite him.' Michael: 'You guys have such a healthy thing going.'

Lucille:Lucille giving Buster a camcorder: 'That's so you can videotape it when they put you in a naked pyramid and point to your Charlie Browns.'

Lucille · Narrator:Lucille: 'Just because he thinks I'm having an affair with the boy's uncle.' / Narrator: 'Yes. And she's not having an affair with the boy's... uncle.'

Lucille · Gene Parmesan:Lucille calls Gene Parmesan to spy on Gob spying on Michael. Gene is already hiding nearby and answers her call.

Lucille · Gob · Gene Parmesan · Narrator:Lucille: 'Gene?' / Narrator: 'It's just some idiot with balloons.' / Lucille: 'Oh, is it?' / Gob appears with balloons. Lucille: 'I knew it!'

Ice · Lucille · Narrator:Ice tackles a man, declares 'George Bluth, you're coming with me.' The man is George Michael's grandfather (Oscar? or wrong person entirely). 'It's an honest mistake. Also, I think your knee is on my heart.'

Lucille · Ice · Man on ground:Lucille: 'He's my husband. My father is probably still in Mexico.' Ice: 'I was just hoping to have sex with you.' Man on ground: 'Why am I not blacking out?'

Buster · Lucille:Buster: 'Mother!' Lucille: 'Buster!' — Buster has been delivered to their building by Lupe's relatives, thinking he was in Mexico the whole time.

Buster · Lucille:Tag scene: Buster reclaims his hand chair. Then: 'Make love in your own hand, Mother!'

Tobias · Narrator · Lucille · Gene Parmesan:Tag scene: Tobias seeks medical attention. 'Thank God! A new doctor. Finally we can get a straight answer in this place.' Doctor: 'Uh, I've got some bad news.' Then Gene Parmesan appears. 'I'm Gene Parmesan. How you doing?' Lucille: 'He got me again!' Narrator: 'But I did overhear that he's bleeding internally.'

Lucille · Oscar:Lucille tells Oscar: 'Close it. You look like the window of a butcher shop.'

Lucille · Unknown family member:Just checking. [Pinches Lucille after she cries 'Is it true? Is he really gone?']

Michael · Lucille:Family members sentimentally recall George Sr.'s favorite toothpaste: 'It was that Glisten. He swore by that Glisten. I can still hear him now: 'Who left the cap off my [bleeps] Glisten?'

Lucille:Lucille's theatrical grief spiral: 'The will. We have to get the will... Is it in your car, Barry? I'm gonna throw up! Check the car, Barry. I don't know what I'm saying!'

Lucille · Oscar:Lucille tells Buster it's 'your father's birthday, which, coincidentally, is my birthday' — because they're twins.

Narrator · George Sr. · Lucille · Oscar:George Sr. sees a newspaper story about his wife giving 'mouth-to-mouth to a homeless man' — but the narrator reveals he knew the truth: she was kissing his brother.

Lucille · Michael:Lucille on Oscar wearing George Sr.'s suit: 'Tell my brother you don't wear a dead man's pants. Shame on him. And you say that to him. Say it to me like you're gonna say it to him.' / 'I'm probably not gonna say it to him.'

Michael · Lucille · Ice:Michael tells Ice: 'My mother has something to tell you.' Lucille: 'I find you very attractive.' Ice: 'She cleans up nice too. Trust me.' Then: 'I think I'm finally off the clock.'

Narrator · Michael · Lucille:Narrator: 'It's a new prosecutor. It's a whole new beginning. A new day, a new case, a whole new set of lies.' / Michael: 'I'm not lying anymore, Mom.' / Narrator: 'Michael was lying.'

Lucille:Lucille: 'I'm not lying anymore either, Michael. I'm being lied... on.'

Narrator · Lucille:Narrator, after Lucille eats the egg whites George Sr. was waiting for: 'Wow, now more is going to come up than go down.'

Lucille:Lucille: 'This is the nicest she's been since she found out that Rosa could breast-feed Buster.'

Lucille:Lucille to Oscar: 'And it's so nice not to have to worry about getting pregnant. The doctor said I couldn't be a mother now if I tried. And that was without even interviewing me.'

Lucille · George Sr.:Lucille on camera: '...gets me tingling. You know, with Oscar, there's love, and with this tingling, and with Oscar...' [Reaction: George Sr. listening in horror from the attic]

Michael · Lucille · Oscar:Michael: 'This is going to sound like a strange question. Have you seen Dad?' Lucille: 'Of course not. And I'm not talking to you. You tried to scare away Oscar, which didn't work. He's back. I just, uh, I just want to have sex with you. That's, that's all I'm good for.' Michael: 'Did you hear that?' Narrator: 'He said he just wants to...' Michael: 'Good-bye, Mom.'

George Sr. · Lucille:George Sr. (as Oscar) to Lucille: 'You smell like a pine cone.' Lucille: 'Yeah, that's the weed.' George Sr.: 'I went to my, uh, [bleep] trailer and, uh, I smoked some, like a cigarette.'

Lucille · George Sr.:Lucille: 'Should we take it into the bedroom?' Oscar/George Sr.: 'Only if you really love me.' Lucille: 'Of course I do.' [long pause] George Sr. then flees the bedroom.

Narrator · Lucille · Oscar:On the Next Arrested Development — Oscar returns and is immediately cold-shouldered by Lucille. Narrator: '...which was what attracted him to her in the first place.'

Lucille · Lindsay:Lucille to Lindsay about bringing her to the party: 'You see, if I show up with you, it'll just make me seem like I'm a mother.' Lindsay: 'I've never thought of you that way.' Lucille: 'That's sweet.'

Lucille · Michael:Lucille: 'When I thought your first wife was driving us apart, I did not make a stink.' Michael: 'You complained all the time, and she was my only wife. And she died.' Lucille: 'Yeah, well. See, things have a way of working themselves out.'

Lucille:Lucille on the phone: 'First I blow him, then I poke him. Guy has no idea what he's in for.'

Lucille:Lucille: 'He calls it a quest to recharge his chi. I call it an excuse for him to score his pot and wag his pickle at coeds.'

Lucille:Lucille: 'Michael, a mother doesn't have a child to give herself company. Annyong was to teach Buster a lesson. And where is that little lesson? I sent him to the Milford Academy to teach him a lesson. I can't remember about what.'

Lucille · Buster:Lucille to returning Buster: 'There's no shame in being a coward.' Buster: 'A coward? I'm not a coward. Would a coward have this?' [holds up awards] 'These are my awards, Mother. From Army. The seal is for marksmanship, and the gorilla is for sand racing.'

Lucille · Michael:Lucille: 'You have no idea what it's like to be abandoned by your son.' Michael: 'Do you see my son? He chose his girlfriend over me.' Lucille: 'How the worm has turned.' Michael: 'Look who feels the sting of an ungrateful child.' Lucille: 'Mother, you have to receive something to be ungrateful.'

Lucille · Buster · Michael:Lucille: 'You have no idea what it's like to be abandoned by your son.' Buster: 'Look who feels the sting of an ungrateful child.' Lucille: 'Mother, you have to receive something to be ungrateful.'

Lucille:Lucille's voicemail montage: 'Michael, it's your mother. Michael, pick up. Happy Thanksgiving! Michael, it's Mother. Michael, pick up.' — heard amid the 101 unheard messages.

Lucille · Michael:Lucille (on phone): 'I was almost attacked last night, in my own home. I walk in and there's a colored man in my kitchen.' Michael: '"Colored"? What color was he exactly?' Lucille: 'Blue.'

Lucille · Oscar · Narrator:Narrator: 'And Oscar was giving Lucille a little "Afternoon Deelite."' — Cut to Lucille eating brownies contentedly.

Tobias · Lucille:Tobias, unable to hear due to his ear injury, fails to dodge Lucille's car and gets hit. 'What the hell was that?'

Lucille · Gob:Lucille, stoned from Afternoon Deelite brownies, driving erratically and hitting a banana peel from Gob's banana suit, causing the car to skid.

Lucille:I even tried to convince them he's gay, but no one would believe that a woman like me would have a gay son.

Lucille · Michael:Get me a vodka, rocks. — Mom, it's breakfast. — And a piece of toast.

Lucille · Gob:That hairless freak is coming here? None of his hair is real, you know. — You mean the guy we're meeting with can't even grow his own hair? Come on!

Lucille · Michael:Then why is he always waving giant $10 million checks over his head every time some— Go ahead, Mom. Finish your thought. 'Every time some children's hospital needs funding'?

Lucille:Nonetheless, we could get a giant checkbook too. We're just not that starved for attention.

Oscar · Lucille:I feel that we've not brought something up that might be a solution — um — to spare my feelings. — Send you in his place? I called. They don't want you back.

Lucille · General Anderson:Is there anything I can do? — Maybe if you... go downtown.

Lucille:[Exhales] Oh, I haven't done that in 30 years.

General Anderson · Lucille:You make me want to puke, Bluth! [giggling]

Michael · Lucille:Michael: 'You baited the balcony?' Lucille: 'Prove it.'

Lucille:Lucille explains the remodeling: she had Lucille 2's construction crew do her bathroom instead. 'Well, I sat on one of these jets. But I think we can fix it.'

Lucille:Lucille: 'I moved the wall a couple of inches into her penthouse.'

Lucille · Michael:Lucille sold stock after reading Barry's letter. Michael: 'I sent you that letter. It says not to sell.' Lucille: 'It does? I stopped at "unfrozen."'

Lucille:Lucille: 'I don't know why she'd have any trouble. A piano could stand on those legs.'

Lucille:Lucille: 'I think we're gonna need a new floating thermometer.' (after explaining the Lucille 2 revenge plot)

Lucille · Michael:Lucille: 'Give her Buster.' Michael: 'What?' Lucille: 'We need our company back.'

Michael · Lucille:Michael: 'I fixed everything.' Lucille: 'Oh?' Michael: 'With the business. It's all taken care of.' Michael: 'You didn't think I could, but I did.'

Lucille · Michael:Lucille opens with: 'Michael! How would you like me to owe you a favor?' — then immediately asks him to bid on her at the charity auction.

Michael · Lucille:Michael: 'And you're embarrassed to have Oscar bid on you.' Lucille: 'With his two pair of pants? You bet.'

Lucille · Michael:Lucille asks: 'Did nothing cancel?' when Michael says he has the afternoon free.

Oscar · Lucille:Oscar asks about his pants: 'Lupe washed them, and they sprouted. I threw them out.' / 'Well, that puts a lot of pressure on this pair.'

Lucille · Oscar:Lucille on the fur outfit: 'I think this one's good. Looks like it would've put up a fight.' / 'I put up one to get it.'

Michael · Lucille:Michael to Lucille re: the auction: 'Start at five grand. If there are other bidders, back off gracefully. Shout out, I get her 364 days a year for free, or something.' Lucille: 'You're not gonna hear that phrase.'

GOB · Lucille:GOB says 'I have no courage'; then immediately whispers 'I thought I heard my mom' when he hears a sound. On the other side of the wall, Lucille is indeed there, finalizing plans.

Narrator · GOB · Lucille:Narrator: 'And GOB was just depressed enough to do so.' — after Lucille asks him to bid on her.

Lucille · Michael:Lucille calls Lucille 2 'that bitch!' and Michael corrects her: 'You're not at home, Mom. She doesn't live next door when you're here.'

Lucille · Michael:Lucille: 'She's trying to prove she's closer to my children than I am — but the joke's on her, because she doesn't know how little I care for Gob.' Michael: 'Think that makes the joke on Gob.'

Lucille:Lucille: 'Buster. Nice of you to take a break from that common whore you've been dating.'

Lucille · Jack Dorso · Michael:Well, he certainly sounds vital to me. / [Shouting] Walk, Dragon! Walk! / Enter the room! / He's half deaf. It was a stupid, stupid hire.

Lucille · Dragon · Narrator:Jack Dorso is announced as 'half deaf.' Lucille says it was 'a stupid, stupid hire.' Dragon mishears 'higher' and positions himself at eye level.

Jack Dorso · Lucille:Jack sees Lucille (Sr.) and confuses her with Lucille 2, then is corrected. 'You look younger than you did the day I—' [Screams]

Lucille · Jack Dorso:Remember me? / Lucille. You look younger than you did the day l— / Oh, you old fool. I'm Lucille. / [Screams]

Jack Dorso · Lucille:Jack insists Lucille go 'back to the blonde. Back to the blonde.' — Apparently he has a physical preference from their past.

Lindsay · Lucille:Lindsay: 'Boy, that Dragon's cute, huh?' Lucille: 'What, the deaf giant who's holding our fake uncle?'

Lucille:Lucille: 'Look at this delicious piece of irony. I'm being sued for divorce.'

Lucille · Lindsay:Lucille rolls in on the spinning chair (which Lindsay had complained about) and delivers: 'So this is how my children speak of me when I'm not here.'

Lucille:Lucille's response to Buster going to war: 'the answer is no, he's not going in the ocean.'

Michael · Lucille:Michael: 'Like, say, signing him up for the army during wartime.' Lucille: 'What the hell was I supposed to do? Michael Moore confronted me in front of the whole country.'

Michael · Lucille:Michael corrects Lucille: 'First of all, it wasn't Michael Moore. It was a look-alike. And it wasn't in front of the whole country. It was for a bit on Jimmy Kimmel Live.' Lucille: 'I don't know who that is, and I don't care to find out.'

Buster · Lucille:Lucille and Buster have hired a photographer for their beach meeting. 'We haven't done this since the Balboa Bay Window magazine.'

Buster · Lucille:Buster: 'I was 30 years old then, Mother. I'm 32 now!' — correcting Lucille's claim about his age while explaining why he's going to war.

Lucille · Narrator:Lucille: 'Well, I may not have been a perfect mother. But, you know, kids don't come with a handbook.' Narrator: 'In fact, there are thousands of books written on child-rearing. But Lucille was in denial.'

Lucille · Michael:Lucille declares 'I am done with Buster. He pushes my buttons.' Michael responds: 'He also zips you up and sands your elbows.'

Lucille · Michael:Lucille claims Buster is 'pretending he's going to war. Mr. Big Shot.' / Michael: 'Wait a minute. He said he's going to war? Aren't you worried?'

Lucille · Michael:Lucille: 'I need macaroons.' Michael: 'Oh, you're high!' / Lucille: 'Oh, well, you can win every argument like that, but that does not make you right.'

Lucille:Lucille shouts 'I don't want you telling him you're his father! I need ice!' in the same breath — apparent non-sequitur reveals Oscar may be Buster's father.

Michael · Lucille:'You're high!' / 'You're drunk!' — Michael and Lucille argue back and forth as the pipe grinds.

Tobias · Lucille:Tobias diagnoses Lucille with 'a psychological concept known as denial' — then Lucille: 'You are a worse psychiatrist than you are a son-in-law, and you will never get work as an actor because you have no talent.'

Lucille:Lucille's takedown of Tobias: 'You are a worse psychiatrist than you are a son-in-law, and you will never get work as an actor because you have no talent.'

George Michael · Ann · Lucille:Lucille's attempt to have Ann criticized away by Lucille fails: Lucille is too distracted by Buster's departure to criticize. Ann: 'Hey, do you have any bread pudding? 'Cause you'd be surprised how much this one can put away.'

Lucille:[On the Next] Lucille prays: 'Take something else from us. Do whatever you have to to keep my boy from going to war.'

Lucille · Oscar · Narrator:Lucille: 'I don't know which one.' Oscar: 'The hand.' Narrator: 'I do.'

Lucille · Oscar · George Sr.:Lucille: 'If only your father was here.' Oscar: 'Oh, that George. God only knows where he is.' Buster (from attic window): 'The car!'

George Sr. · Lucille:George Sr. test-driving a Ford Escape from a dealership, yelling 'Up yours, granny!' while Lucille echoes 'You couldn't handle it!'

Michael · George Michael · Lucille:Michael tells George Michael he'll have to be the 'baby of the family.' George Michael: 'Um, Maeby's younger than me.' Michael: 'You're never going in the ocean! Never!'

Doctor · Lucille · Michael · Lindsay:Lucille: 'Not Dr. Wordsmith.' Then: Doctor says Buster 'is going to be all right' meaning he still has his right hand, not that he'll recover. 'He's lost his left hand, so he's going to be "all right."'

Buster · Lucille:Buster mentions 'the seal with the bow tie' that attacked him. Lucille: 'Seal with the bow tie?'

Buster · Michael · Lucille:Buster's hook (temporary prosthetic) gets caught and causes him to scream. Everyone panics. 'Whose idea was the temporary hand?'

Lucille:Lucille: 'Guess this means you don't wanna play "got your nose" with me.' Followed by forced laughing.

Lucille · Michael:Narrator: 'And later, Lucille could not contain her guilt any longer.' Lucille: 'I did this. I prayed that God take anything he wanted from us so that Buster wouldn't have to go to war.' Michael: 'Oh, Mom. After all these years, God's not gonna take a call from you.'

Narrator · Lucille:Narrator: 'And back at the penthouse, Lucille was praying for the second time in her life.'

Lucille:Lucille prays: 'Lord, let Buster forget everything. And if you need to take another hand to make that happen, please make it Gob's.'

Lucille · Michael · Narrator:Lucille is already dressed, made up and waiting for Michael at an ungodly hour — narrator notes 'which put her wake-up time in the 3:00, 3:30 area'

Lucille · Michael:'I'm so hot.' / 'If you were hot, Mother, we would win.'

Lucille:'It's not just Motherboy. It's Motherboy XXX!'

Michael · Lucille · Narrator:Michael: 'That could have something to do with the fact that a seal ate his hand.' / Lucille: 'I don't know what it is.' / Michael: 'I think that's what it is.' / Lucille: 'Who knows?' / Narrator: 'It was that.'

Lindsay · Michael · Lucille:Lindsay: 'I'm so glad there wasn't one of those for daddies and daughters.' / Michael: 'Of course they have father-daughter dances.' / Lindsay: 'They do? He never took me?' / Lucille: 'It was before we did your nose. Toodle-oo.'

Lucille · Buster · George Michael:George Michael asks if Buster offered a bowl of soup; Lucille asks 'Can it open a can?' — referring to Buster's hook — and both Buster and Lucille react with horror: 'Oh, God!'

Lucille:'Aren't you the sweetest thing, spending some time with what's left of your uncle.'

Lucille:'Aren't you the sweetest thing, spending some time with what's left of your uncle.'

George Michael · Lucille · Narrator:George Michael dressed in a sailor suit by Lucille — who claimed they were going to the Promise Land — being taken to Motherboy instead

Lucille:Lucille arrives at the hotel and sees someone else in the exact same color outfit: 'Oh — [bleep] me. The exact same color.' / 'What are the odds?'

Lucille · George Michael:'You think enough time has passed to do Sonny and Cher?' / 'We're here for Motherboy.' / 'And you do realize this is not the band.'

Lucille:The room is put under the name 'Karmopolis.'

Buster · Lucille:Buster zip-lines across the hotel gap, screaming — crashes — and Lucille immediately calls 'Zip me up.' from offscreen

Lucille · Narrator:'And back at Motherboy XXX, Lucille was finding her new partner an asset.' / Lucille to the judges: 'Is this your son?' / Lucille: 'No, I'm his grandmother. He's an orphan.'

Lucille:Lucille to George Michael after the judges leave: 'Well, that little bit of honesty helped nothing. You'd better bring it to the waltz, young man.'

Lucille:Unless he knocks her up like you did with his mother. Plus, she's religious. That one gets pregnant, it stays pregnant.

Lucille:Lucille's self-correction: 'Believe me, I dated a chick like that once in high school. / No, I didn't.'

Lucille · Buster:Lucille fires Lupe: 'You're fired!' / Buster: 'You can't fire me, I'm your son.' / Lucille: 'I'm firing Lupe.' / Buster: 'Well, that makes more sense.'

Gob · Lucille:Gob to Lucille: 'Guess who's been fired.' / Lucille: 'Michael fired you?' / Gob: 'No, I fired him. But as a result, I'm no longer welcome in the office.'

Lucille:Lucille has replaced Lupe with a Roomba robot vacuum: 'It's a robot. I hate it. I miss Lupe.'

Lucille:Lucille yells for 'Robot' (the Roomba) to answer the door: 'Robot'll get it. Where the hell is my maid? Robot!'

Lucille:Lucille calls to Lupe: 'Yoo-hoo! I'll take you the rest of the way!' — reprising Lindsay's intercepting move from the opening

Lucille:Lucille: 'I was going to videotape that hop-on.'

Lucille · Michael:'Tobias said he's handling it with the FBI and the employees have everything under control.' / 'No, that's the worst thing possible.'

Lucille:Not now. It's my time of the month. / Not now. I don't want to risk having a baby. It could kill me.

Lucille:Well, I'm sorry if I don't want you doing one of your stupid puppet shows.

Lucille · Michael · Franklin · George Sr.:Why do you have the baby monitor out? / She wants her man back. / On my son. / Yo, man. You're gonna get your sorry white ass thrown in jail.

Lucille:My advice, get one of those teddy bears with the cameras in them. I had one in Buster's room to make sure he wasn't getting too serious with anyone. As it turned out, he got too serious with the teddy bear.

Tobias · Buster · Lucille:Sorry. Just stuffing the mushroom. / You realize that's Tobias, don't you? / If he's gonna raid my closet, he's gonna work for it.

George Michael · Lucille:Ann just called. They had a predawn mass, and then they're gonna go to mass, so — / Well, Ann's got a great deal of mass.

Lucille · Mrs. Veal · Michael:Are you sure this isn't her sister? / What a lovely thing to say. / That's an awful thing to say, Mom. Please.

Lucille:What's so important that you're dragging me away from this miserable party?

Michael · Lucille · Franklin:Well, I just had an old friend who wanted to tell you how much I miss you! / Oh, who let this little black — [Bleeps] / Hey, Brother.

Lucille · Buster:Who you callin' brother, you hook-ass — / Mother! / [Horn Blows] [Groaning]

Lucille:What the hell kind of puppet does Buster have on his hand?

Narrator · Lucille:[Narrator] And Lucille awoke, half in the bag. / What am I doing in a Nordstrom bag?

Police Officer · Lucille:Who is this guy? / This guy is my husband.

Oscar · Lucille:I hope you notice I didn't run. / You fought for me. / What I meant to say is I — I think I broke my ankle.

Oscar · Lucille:I hope you notice I didn't run. / You fought for me. / What I meant to say is I— I think I broke my ankle.

Michael · Lucille:Michael calls Lucille the laziest person in the world from across the room, while she sits doing nothing amid the mess

Narrator · Lucille · Lupe:Narrator reveals Lucille didn't actually clean the house — she intercepted Lupe (her mother's housekeeper) mid-commute to do it for her

Buster · Lucille:Buster complaining about his hook arm: 'I can't put the aorta in with this thing.' / Lucille: 'Oh, stop complaining.' / Buster: 'I'm sorry I'm an inconvenience to you, Mother.'

Lucille · Buster:Lucille screams in horror at Buster's prosthetic/stump situation; Buster whimpers

Lucille · Buster · Lupe:Lucille fires Lupe — but Buster says he's firing her too, then Lucille clarifies: 'I was firing Lupe!' / Buster: 'Well, that makes more sense.'

Lucille · Buster · Lupe:Lucille discovers Buster being tended to by Lupe — 'And yet you're too good to polish the candlesticks?'

Gob · Lucille:Gob: 'Well, guess who's been fired.' Lucille: 'Michael fired you?' Gob: 'No. I fired him. As a result, I'm no longer welcome in the office.'

Lucille · Gob:Lucille introduces a Roomba as her new housekeeper replacement: 'It's a robot. I hate it. I miss Lupe.'

Gob · Lucille:Roomba beeps — Gob: 'Oh. You're hungry.' / [Roomba powers down]

Buster · Lucille:Lucille says 'Robot'll get it' and the Roomba has knocked Lucille's (Buster's mother's) glass over — [Gasps, Robot Powers Down] Buster: 'What do you expect, Mother? I'm half machine! I'm a monster!'

Tobias · Lucille · Narrator:'On the next Arrested Development' — Lucille finds a new housekeeper: it's Tobias again (as Mrs. Featherbottom), giving Lucille a ride in a car while doing laundry — 'Yoo-hoo! I'll take you the rest of the way!'

Tobias · Lucille:[Lucille and Tobias/Featherbottom both crying in the car while Tobias sings]

Michael · Lucille:Michael: 'Where the hell do you want me to go? Back to your mother's?' / 'I believe there's a freeloading loser in my bed.' Michael: 'Buster just lost a hand. He's going through a lot.' Lucille: 'I'm talking about Oscar.'

Michael · Lucille:Michael calls Lucille while in police custody to lie about being 'on a business trip' — Lucille: 'Why can't the girl at work do it?' Michael: 'Tobias? I sent him on a date with Kitty to keep her off our backs.'

Lucille · Lindsay:Lucille: 'Your husband's dating Kitty the whore.' / Lindsay: 'He is? That's- That's horrible.' / Lucille: 'Do I know my daughter? She only wants what she can't have.'

Lucille · Gob:Lucille: 'I've got a nice, hard cot with his name on it.' Gob: 'You'd do that to your own brother?' Lucille: 'I said 'cot.''

Oscar · Lucille:Oscar and Lucille argue: 'You're high!' / 'You're drunk!' / 'Not this time.'

Lucille:Lucille threatens to 'say goodbye to these' at Oscar

Lucille · Gob · Lindsay:Lucille: 'Oh, George, I've lost you again.' Oscar: 'Take back Oscar, Mother.' Lindsay: 'I think I lost him too.'

Michael · Lucille:Michael says he's going to the prison to 'gloat' rather than 'visit'

Lucille:Lucille says she wants Buster to come live with Michael — 'and it's not because he has that horrible hook for a hand now'

Lucille:Lucille plays a recording she made of Buster snoring, labeled 'Buster snoring, Wednesday night'

Michael · Lucille:Michael: 'You seem more villainous than usual, Mom. Are you sober?' Lucille: 'Michael, it's 8:00 a.m.' Michael: 'So, it's not that.'

Michael · Lucille:Lucille went off her postpartum medication — 'You had Buster 32 years ago.' 'And that's how long I've been depressed about him.'

Lucille · Narrator:Narrator describes young Lucille releasing the emergency brake to roll her car into a lake, and Lucille responds 'Good for her'

Lucille:'I must have gained three pounds' — Lucille's non-sequitur response after the car-in-lake story

Lucille · Michael:Lucille says mood-altering medication leads to street drugs because 'this very handsome young doctor said so on The Today Show' — that doctor was Tom Cruise

Michael · Lucille:'That was Tom Cruise, the actor.' / 'They said he was some kind of scientist.'

Michael · Lucille:Michael asks 'How am I supposed to find someone willing to go into that musty old claptrap?' — he is talking about the cabin but the line lands as an insult to Lucille

Michael · Lindsay · Lucille:Michael returns to the office and sees the 'Don't Buy' news — employees celebrate — then Michael sees the ticker on Lucille's butt from the copier

Lucille:'Good luck, favourite son.' — Lucille's passive-aggressive farewell to Michael

Lucille · Narrator:'Well, that was a freebie.' — After Lucille presumably accidentally hits/hurts Buster (the narrator's commentary on off-screen slapstick)

Lucille · Buster:Lucille discovers Buster has been sleeping in the car the whole trip — having made a recording of his own snoring to avoid detection

Lucille · Buster:Lucille offers to drop Buster 'by this light' — Buster: 'Or I could come with you.'

Lucille:Lucille arrives at what she thinks is the cabin: 'There's no cabin.' — The cabin she expected is not there (it's been relocated/is now occupied by Michael)

Lucille:Lucille reacts to seeing Michael at the cabin: 'Oh, my God! Are you still doing breakfast burritos?'

Buster · Lucille:I've always loved those leathery little snappy faces. / You certainly have a type.

Lucille · Michael:My breakfast? / My friskiness. / Mama horny, Michael.

Michael · Lucille:I'm amazed Dad hasn't strangled himself with his belt yet. / Oh, we're into all kinds of freaky stuff.

Lucille:I want it out of my living room. Put it in Buster's room. That's where she keeps things she has no need for.

Lucille:Look who finally got his pants on. / You've got 10 minutes.

Lucille:Lucille on Buster losing a hand: 'My God, he's already lost a hand. If he loses a leg, how will we ever get him out of the apartment?'

Buster · Lucille:Buster's hook getting stuck in the prize hole: 'Oh, it got stuck in the prize hole again.' — 'I told you not to play that stupid game anymore.' — 'I wasn't playing it. I was just trying to get my other one back.'

George Sr. · Michael · Lucille · Tobias:Somebody tipped them off that the property wasn't ready for building. Which it would have been if Michael hadn't been so busy with his English muffin. — Typical. — Delicious. — I need a drink. — I'll take an English muffin.

Buster · Michael · Lucille:Godzirra! — Just sit down. — Okay, guys. — Godzirra!

Lucille · Michael:What? We're out of vodka. — Sorry. I thought you were doing Godzilla.

Lucille · family members · Narrator:And she's 'Britishish.' — She's a spy. — I haven't told Rita anything. — This was not strictly true.

Gob · Lucille:Ah, Mister F. Rita's not a man. — As far as you know.

Narrator · Gob · Lucille:Lucille! — Who can save our village? — Michael! — As it turned out, it was George Michael who had finally gotten his grandfather's jet pack to work.

Buster · Lucille · Gob:Oh! I've had... the time of my life. — I think he's being sarcastic, Gob. — No, I'm not, Mother. I mean lover.

Michael · George Sr. · Lucille:Michael announces he's getting married; parents respond 'Who the hell to?' / 'Who do you think? Rita.' / 'Her?' / 'Why?'

George Sr. · Lucille:George Sr. confuses his mistress story: 'Just because a woman gets pregnant doesn't mean you have to marry her... some cheap waitress at a HoJo said she used an IUD.' Lucille: 'It was Stuckey's.' George: 'But I believed you.'

Lucille · George Sr.:Michael says they haven't slept together; Lucille says 'This is funny!' and George says 'He's gay!'

George Sr. · Lucille:George Sr. holds up his hook-less arm: 'Where's your hand?' / 'Oh. I'm having my high school ring put on it, and my hook is stuck in the staircar.'

Lucille · Narrator · Michael:Lucille: 'People just see what they want to see. If she loved you, she'd show it.' — Narrator: 'Michael was worried — his mother may have been making sense.'

Lucille · Michael · Narrator:Lucille: 'People just see what they want to see. If she loved you, she'd show it.' Narrator: 'Michael was worried — his mother may have been making sense.'

Trevor · George Sr. · Lucille:Trevor reveals Rita is mentally challenged AND owns all of Wee Britain. George Sr. and Lucille: 'Millions?' / 'Mentally challenged?' Lucille: 'Shh! It's not polite.'

Lucille · George Sr. · Trevor:Lucille: 'Oh, Legoland.' George Sr.: 'I think they said they were going to Legoland.' Lucille: 'They did say Legoland.' Trevor: 'I didn't hear anything about Legoland.' Lucille/George Sr.: 'He doesn't know what's talking about. We think he may be mentally challenged.'

Lucille · Trevor:Lucille to Trevor: 'We have got 24 hours to get them married before Michael figures out what she really is.' Trevor: 'This is the first time in two years you've sounded like George Bluth.'

George Sr. · Lucille · Larry:The Bluth parents throw Michael a surprise wedding — 'On us. Everything you see.' 'Show them the waffle bar, Larry.'

George Sr. · Lucille · Michael:George Sr.: 'Where did you get this firecracker? I love her, Michael.' Lucille: 'So do I. I want to kiss my new daughter-in-law.' — Then pushes to kiss Rita on the lips. Michael: 'No, no, Dad, please take it easy.'

Lucille · Michael:Lucille: 'The rest will just be little happy surprises along the way. Like you said.' Michael: 'Yeah. With the exception of the retard thing.'

Michael · Lucille:Michael: 'She's rich.' / Lucille: 'This is a new low, even for you, Mom.'

Lucille:Michael: 'I'm crazy about the little dullard.' — Lucille's explanation for supporting the marriage.

Michael · Lucille · Larry:Michael: 'Larry go to a mirror!' — followed by rapid firing: 'You're fired.' / 'You're fired.' / 'What?!' / 'It's over.'

Michael · Lucille:Michael fires the wedding staff mid-ceremony: 'You're fired.' / Lucille immediately echoes: 'You're fired.'

Michael · Lucille:You look pretty, Mom. / What do you need?

Lucille:Going on all those dates with Rita. Or should I say... 'play dates.'

Lucille · Michael:Maybe you should talk to someone. / Like my mom? / I don't know, does she play guitar?

Lucille · Michael:And how about that little piece of tail on her? Cute! / I've opened a door here that I regret.

Buster · Lucille:She has a name, Mother. / And it's 'Mother.'

Lucille:Well, I'll be honest, I haven't heard anything that beats herpes.

Michael · Lucille:The guy who ran Dad's prison? He's here now installing cameras because of all your father's escape attempts.

Lucille:I forgot— we have a real disease. I chose it. G.V.H.: Graft Versus Host. It's new, it's fatal, and guess who's got it?

Lucille · Doctor:Can you think of any benefits? / Benefits? No. He'll die. / Oh, yeah, no, I get that. But have there ever been any fund-raisers?

Lucille:A husband with the headlining disease. Everyone's going to want to talk to me.

Lucille:Did you see the attention Superman's wife got?

Lucille:Oh, One Eye's a wonderful chef. I've had to go to his parole hearings twice, and lie through my teeth to keep him here.

Lucille · Michael:That man is being wonderful to us. / And that doesn't concern you, Mother? For all you know, he could be trying to seduce you. / Oh, Michael, you're crazy. I certainly hope so. / I'm trying to seduce him.

Michael · Lucille · Lindsay:Who's the 'I' in that sentence? / Me. / You? / Her.

Lucille · George Sr.:P-2-2-5-2. / Howdy doody, that's it. / Now you get back here so you can smuggle me out past the guards before Michael starts blabbing.

Lucille:You want to get away from me so bad, you're free. But I'm free, too, baby. I'm staying in the conjugal trailer with the warden tonight.

Lucille · Warden Gentles:You were just using me to get even with the man who broke out of your prison? / That escape cost me my promotion. And you'll pay for the loss of $2,300 a year.

Lucille:I wish I'd read The Man Inside Me.

Lucille:I want to cry so bad. But I don't think I can spare the moisture.

Lucille · Michael:Did you like the chlamydia thing? I gave him that. / You gave him chlamydia? / He had crabs, and I said, 'You're gonna get laughs.'

Warden Gentles · George Sr. · Lucille:I cannot take another $2,300 hit. / I'll tell you what. You let Oscar out, and you give us an hour in here, and... we'll call it even. / Please, Ward? / I can't say no to the woman who gave me chlamydia.

George Sr. · Lucille:We ready to have some fun? / I'm so glad I didn't cry. / That I didn't need to hear.

Lucille · Michael:Que? / What's Spanish for 'I know you speak English'?

Michael · Lucille:Mom, if you're gonna speak to these guys like this, you might want to sleep with one eye open. / Actually, I'll be sleeping at your place.

Narrator · Maeby · Lucille:That night, Maeby, displaced by Buster, heard a noise. / Hello? George Michael? / I'm thirsty. / And Maeby knew she had found her blood-sucking creature.

Michael · Lucille:What is more pathetic than grown men being scared of their father? / I'm thirsty.

Lucille · Maeby · Mort Myers:I'm thirsty... / Gangee. / We should start production on Gangee 2. / Well, I know she wanted a skin peel.

Michael · Lucille:Mr. Loblaw no longer works for us, because someone wanted a boyfriend.

Lucille:It's the exact opposite. It's called 'Openings.'

Lucille · Narrator · Buster:He's like the steel man from The Wizard From Oz. / Tin man? / Is that what he's called? / He knows.

Michael · Lucille:The only time you ever cooked for us was the morning Rosa's mom died. You gave us cereal in an ashtray.

Gob · Lucille:As what, a waiter? Can I get you something, madam? / [immediately orders a vodka]

George Sr. · Lucille · Michael · Lindsay:Yes, he's a regular Freddy Wilson, that one. / I don't know that reference. / I don't either. / I don't know either.

Michael · Lucille:What kind of boarding school would lose track of its students? / Openings is not a boarding school.

Lucille:I mean, we have plenty of money, don't get me wrong. But we can't use our personal assets to defend the company.

Gob · Lucille:Gob's waiter prank — he keeps serving despite the joke being over because the lunch rush begins.

Gob · Lucille:And maybe later you can save a little piece of tail for me. / Come on!

Lucille:Come on!

Lucille:I hope that isn't the sort of humor Andy McMahon will be doing.

Lucille · Michael · George Sr.:Is he following people to their cars again? / He's a waiter! / He is? Well, that's great. / No, it's not great.

Buster · Lucille:Sister's my new mother, Mother. And is it just me, or is she looking hotter, too? / Well, why don't you marry her? / Maybe I will!

Buster · Lucille · Buster:Sister's my new mother, Mother. And is it just me, or is she looking hotter, too? Well, why don't you marry her? Maybe I will!

Lucille:Oh, please, Michael. Even then, I wouldn't say anything.

Gob · Lucille · Michael:He certainly hasn't heard anything from me. Mother doesn't know anything, either. / I don't know anything. / Well, you both certainly act innocent.

Lucille:Your father says he wants me to go all the way to Fallujah. / I thought he meant the sex act that's so popular with your generation.

Lucille:I know you're awake. Faker!

George Sr. · Lucille:He, she, what's the difference? / Hear, hear. In the dark it all looks the same.

Lucille:Not another media whore. / Like to see a whore that does that! Not the carrying the weight part, but, on the other hand, if it's free.

Lucille · Narrator:Oh, no. He thinks he's a lawyer again. / Devotees will remember that Michael once played a lawyer in a school play.

Lucille:I just pray it's one of those things where he's unconscious throughout the entire trial, and when it's over, he wakes up and gets a big toy.

Lucille:Of course it crossed my mind, but this was all Buster.

George Sr. · Michael · Lucille:He got into your brother's pills. Not the Forget-Me-Nows? / He asked me for them. I didn't know. I thought he was dating again.

George Sr. · Lucille:You're the lawyer? / That's the same representation Captain Hook had.

George Sr. · Lucille · Michael:It's so good to laugh again. Feels good. It does. / They say seven minutes heals all wounds.

Lucille:How should I know where the money comes from? I just know where it goes. To taking care of my poor comatose son.

Michael · Lucille:I actually meant Lindsay and Nellie. / You call him that, too? / It's so nice to be able to talk like this.

Lucille:Dignity? Easy for you to say — I'm the one who has to loofah his stump.

Lucille:No one's called him Baby Buster since high school.

George Sr. · Lucille:George Sr. reveals the family's ages: 'Our little girl's turning 14.' Lucille: '16, actually.' George: 'Well, I am off to buy the perfect present. Maybe she'd like a suit like this.' Lucille: 'That is her suit.'

George Sr. · Lucille:George Sr. on Maeby's suit: 'They probably don't make it in a woman's though.' Lucille: 'They only make it in a woman's.'

George Sr. · Lucille · Michael:George Sr.: 'Well, I'm off, my love. You see, sometimes shame can be fun.' — then instantly corrects to 'Secrets. / You said shame. / He said shame.'

George Sr. · Michael · Lucille:George Sr. says Buster 'took coma' and Lucille 'took rehab' as legal excuses. Michael: 'You're going to rehab again?' George Sr.: 'I'm bringing Lindsay. I'm worried about her.' Lucille: 'Did you get the corkscrew?'

George Sr. · Lucille:George Sr.: 'So there's going to be wine at the rehab, huh?' Lucille: 'Well, wine only turns into alcohol if you let it sit.'

Lindsay · Lucille:Lindsay and Lucille at the spa: 'Four saunas, three steam baths, Olympic sized pool and you're telling me there's no alcohol?' Lucille: 'What the hell are we supposed to do for two days.'

Lindsay · Lucille:Lindsay: 'I could take the top off this grape juice and maybe by morning...' Lucille: 'Oh, for God's sake, Lindsay, grow up. You're 40 years old.' Lindsay: 'Thirty-five.'

Lucille · Lindsay:Lucille: 'Well, maybe this will be nice. We can talk... and connect a little.' — then immediately: 'I must have a Xanax.' Lindsay: 'I'll go score some weed from the staff.'

Lucille · Buster:Look at that, Buster. You would have lost a hand anyway.

Lucille:Good, don't come. I need to be rubbing elbows, not working your fork.

Lucille · George Sr. · Lindsay:No magic, Gob. Where is Gob? Oh, who knows? I don't even know where he lives. / He doesn't live at Michael's? / I've always pictured him in a lighthouse.

Michael · Lindsay · Lucille:Stan Sitwell's always had a wild hair to buy this business. It's the only hair he's got. / He's an alpaca. / He has alopecia.

Lucille · Tobias:I, for one, will not go back to wondering whether there's going to be enough food on the table. / Might wanna start worrying about the table.

Lucille · Young Lucille (flashback implied):Girls just grow faster than boys. Dinner's ready. We're having Lindsay chops. / What? / I want her to be prepared in case some bully at school is as clever as I am.

Lucille:Look, she was better off with us. He wanted to call her Nellie.

Lucille:We loved her just as much as any of you normal kids. More than Gob.

Lucille · Michael:We'll pay them off. We'll call it an accrued cash dividend. But they won't get their money until they sign a document at the party promising not to sell for 10 years. / So it's embezzlement, bribery and conspiracy? / And a whole lot of love. / All right, and perjury.

Tobias · Michael · Lucille:Although I should call the Hot Cops and tell them to come up with something more nautically themed. / Hot Sailors. / Better yet, Hot Se... / I like Hot Sailors. / Mm, me too.

Lucille · Lindsay · Lucille:Sign here that you won't sell. / Oh, I don't need to sell, Lucille, because now I know that we're not related, I'm going to marry Michael. / I always saw him with a younger girl.

Lucille · Narrator · Hot Sailors:But Lucille was not going peacefully. / You boys know how to shovel coal? / I don't even wanna tell you what these guys thought that meant.

Lucille:Visual gag: Lucille has found a way around the building's strict no-smoking policy AND her ankle monitor preventing her from approaching the balcony — implying she's using an elaborate contraption to smoke.

Lucille · Tobias:Lucille: 'At least I was able to turn my Queen around.' / Tobias: 'None taken.'

Lucille · Lindsay · Tobias · Narrator:Lucille: 'You cannot say one nice thing to your daughter, can you?' / Lindsay: 'Adopted daughter.' / Tobias (narrator intro): 'This is Tobias Fünke, who should have taken more.'

Lucille · Lindsay:Lucille offers Lindsay money to testify favorably. Lindsay: 'Would you take a grimace?'

Michael · Lucille:Michael: 'Stop with the prayer hands. It just looks like you're out of ideas.' — Lucille dismisses Lindsay's new spirituality as performance.

Lucille · Lindsay · Narrator:Lucille's testimony includes the line 'when I was hungry, I suckled at her champagne glass breasts.' Buster wrote it from a camp letter.

Lucille · Lindsay · Narrator:Buster wrote it. / Recently? / I adapted it from a letter he wrote from camp. / I miss you, Mommy. Camp is scary at times. When I was cold, you clothed me. When I was hungry... Suckled at your champagne glass breasts.

Lucille · Buster (quoted):Lucille: 'I adapted it from a letter he wrote from camp.' — Buster's camp letter: 'I miss you, Mommy. Camp is scary at times. When I was cold, you clothed me. When I was hungry... suckled at your champagne glass breasts.'

Lindsay · Lucille:Lindsay: 'No. You know what? The money is not important to me. My shaman said...' / Lucille: 'Oh, don't give me that mystical nonsense. You think you're better than I am, but you're a lot more like me than you think.'

Narrator · Michael · Lucille:At the time of this family meeting, 2,000 rupees was $36. / I wouldn't. / Of course you wouldn't, Michael. You never accept help from anyone.

Oscar · Lucille:Oscar and Lucille's post-coital scene where Oscar says 'it's good to be out of that sweaty old hot box at the compound' — which has a double meaning given what just happened

Lucille · George Sr.:Lucille says 'I meant Gob' after suggesting sending 'our son' to train at the wall — then Lucille immediately switches from 'no, it'll kill him' about Buster to 'Oh. Oh, fine. Yeah, send him down. I love that' about Gob

George Sr. · Oscar · Lucille:Business card reads 'Se habla español' — but George Sr. reveals it means 'I do not speak Spanish'

Lucille · George Sr.:Lucille (on phone with George Sr.): 'Hey, you've changed, you big (bleep). You're acting like a little girl lately. And not in the good way. Pull yourself together. Act like a man.' Then: 'Love you. Bye.'

George Sr. · Lucille:George Sr. and Lucille phone call ending: 'Love you. / Love you, too. Bye.' — immediately followed by 'Cash, no receipt.'

Lucille · George Sr.:George Sr. arrives to sleep with Lucille, who says 'Yesterday, you were amazing. Georgie, I can't stop thinking about it. You haven't been like that in years.' George: 'Oh, right... You mean, slow-witted?'

Lucille · George Sr.:Lucille: 'George, you've gone puny again. Where's the man who took ahold of me yesterday and bent me over this couch?'

Lucille:Lucille: 'And speaking of getting enough of it up, what's going on down here?' — transitioning from the wall conversation to George Sr.'s sexual dysfunction

Lucille · George Sr.:Lucille tries to seduce George Sr. by singing '♪ Happy birthday, Mr. President... ♪' / George Sr.: 'I-I don't want to be Mr. President.'

Lucille · Gob · Family Member:I'm sure Gob helped himself to the money. Hey, I got mouths to feed. Mouths? Mouth. Her. Oh, hey, mouth. I didn't see you sitting there. We rode up in the elevator together. I'm blanking.

Lucille · Narrator:Cut to the new patient: 'Hello, anus tart.' / Narrator: 'And she never even saw the license plate.'

Lucille · DeBrie:♪ 'I don't want to be invisible...' ♪ — DeBrie singing while Lucille critique-watches: 'Is anyone going to tell her she needs to lose weight? Because I'm not buying invisible, and you don't want to be out there on a raft that's listing.'

Lucille:Lucille: 'Maybe they should retitle this Fantastic Three and Lousy One.'

DeBrie · Lucille · Narrator:DeBrie falls — 'Oh, DeBrie.' / 'Or ankle or knee.' — Narrator: 'And so DeBrie, who had been in the safe harbor of a drug-free zone, found herself in the free drug zone of an unsafe harbor.'

Lucille:Lucille at the show: 'In case you didn't know, the stage adds seven pounds. Two words: diet pills. Do you have any?'

Lucille · Tobias:Lucille (Bluth) confronts Tobias about DeBrie being high: 'Someone has to pay for this. You're out!' / Tobias: 'No, don't fire me. I'm on a work-release program. If you fire me, then I have to go back to prison.' / 'And you're investing in this show. What if we get killer notices?'

Lucille:Lucille: 'Get rid of her before someone sees her with their camera phone. You know they have those nowadays.'

Michael · Lucille · George Bluth Sr.:Michael visits Lucille, gets a black eye; Lucille assumes it's from Gob; then discovers George Senior was on the call with Gob; the call gets passed around on hold while everyone tells each other 'you're out of the movie'

Lucille · Tracey:Lucille interrupts Tracey mid-sentence — Tracey: 'Well, that's impossible...' Lucille: 'To deny.' She has 'always wanted a smart baby.'

Buster · Lucille:Guess the Fur — the one you got after Dad had the affair with the chubby intern from Riverside.

Lucille:Close your eyes tight and plug your ears. Just plug one ear and press the other one to the couch.

Lucille:And he'll be wearing his Army uniform so I can pretend I'm proud of him again.

Lucille · Buster:Oh, yeah, that went over great last time. And it was offensive. Half your testicle was hanging out of that thing. Good! I'm glad they saw it.

Lucille:Keep your ball joke to yourself, Andrew Dice Clay.

Buster · Lucille:You're a hot mess! / You're a hot mess!

Lucille:I can smell the cran-apple on you from here.

Lucille · Buster:I'm serving three to five. / Like the saltless pie?

Lucille:I hope your juicy blender bender was worth it. Don't come to visit me because I won't see you. Oh, and good luck with your night terrors. Now no one will be there to hear your screams.

Lucille · Army Officer:Who did Larry Kert replace in Company? / I don't know. / I know who he thought he was replacing, and it was Dean Jones. But he didn't come close.

Army Officer · Lucille:Mrs. Bluth, your son went down while piloting a plane over Afghanistan. / Oh, my God… / He deserves a big hand for that and we gave him one.

Lucille · Buster:So you fell out of a chair, and for this, the government gives you applause? / No… a big hand.

Lucille:I thought I recognized that little son of a bitch. / This is why you can't keep a job at one hospital!

Lucille · Buster · Army Officer:Why does it have to be so big? / Well, they said the miniaturization comes later. / I mean, you remember how big your first cell phone was. / That was a phone. This looks like you're pointing to a place that buys your gold.

Lucille:You need to grow up, Buster, because I can't take care of you anymore. I need to 'get away-get away.' You're hopelessly hopeless, Buster. It's as if they wrote that song for my own son.

Lucille · Buster:Once you learn how to use that thing, they're going to turn you into a killing monster. / Monster…? / This doesn't make me look sexy. / Throw it out.

Buster · Lucille:I came here to thank you. You were trying to push me out of the nest… and you were right. / Really? / Yes. I've grown. And I'm in love. / Hamster or turtle? / No, Mother. Hamsters are gross. / It's a female. / Human. Female human. Whole thing.

Buster · Lucille:So your parental responsibilities are complete. Hot. / I no longer need you. / Well, you don't have to go that far. / I'm not a mother boy anymore. I'm a mother man.

Lucille · Tobias:Lucille, at the behest of her court-mandated therapist, was struggling to make sense of things. Am I horrible for saying these things? No. But I was doing the math, and I still think you're gonna have a problem with this final 'raped murderer.'

Lucille · Tobias:How many more sessions do I have to endure until I'm done with... no offense... you? Legally, two. But I am in the family. I mean... this is my family.

Lucille · Tobias:My daughter is divorcing you. This is it. I'm confused by the word 'it.' Are you implying that you don't want to see me anymore? I'm confused by the word 'anymore.'

Lucille:Oh, don't talk to me about walls. That's why we're in this mess. My husband buys land so we can get a contract to build a little something on the border. A wall.

Lucille:Who better than the Chinese to help us build a wall, right?

Lucille:Oh, that's nice. I always say, 'Make people cry, make people cry.' But yours includes the people who don't want to give you the satisfaction.

TV Announcer · Trump (implied) · Lucille:Candidate descended the escalator into the lobby. I will build a great, great wall on our southern border. Which was my idea! And I will have Mexico pay for that wall. Okay. That is a clever twist.

Lucille:Speech! Speech! You're my third least favorite child.

Lucille:I want that pie covered. And not with your face.

Lucille:Now that the original Michael's back, I suppose we don't need two hands-on-our-hips, pipe-up-our-rectum scolds. So you can go.

Narrator · Lindsay · Lucille:Narrator: 'And perhaps Lindsay would have gotten a little healthier... had the cell reception been a little worse.' — Lindsay immediately gets a call from Lucille.

Lucille:Lucille 2 is not going to be a problem. And Sally hasn't been seen since Cinco.

Lucille:She was married to that news anchor who said such horrible things about me when I was trying to save Buster with that boat. John Beard. Yeah. She's my Beard now.

Lucille · George Sr.:Our Lindsay. I've never been less ashamed of her. Did I say what I think I said? Yes, you did.

George Sr. · Lucille:It was during the 1992 African-American riots, and they had every right. Every right. Every right. Mm.

Lucille · G.O.B.:Fine, I'll get trophies for everyone. Everyone gets a trophy. Count me out. Fine. Everyone but G.O.B. No!

Lucille:It was a horrible time for the housing market. Were we supposed to lose our precious daughter-in-law and a couple hundred grand in the same year?

Lucille · Michael:Because we love you. And nobody wanted your feelings hurt. Mm. That was rule one. Rule one? It slipped down a little when we put in the new floors.

Lucille:And by that point, you were already dating and in love with that total re... That totally lovely Rita.

Michael · Lucille:My mother died here. G.O.B. was born here. And I'm sure you've heard, it was also your father's pad. Only from the next room. Please believe me, if I could turn back time, I never would've answered that door.

Lucille:H-Honestly, I never thought you'd get past the guard gate. I could barely get past them when Tobias and I got here.

Tobias · Lucille:You are... I'm... A girl. You're a girl, Linds, uh, Murphy B... Lucille. Is he supposed to be me? Uh-uh-uh, Lucille Number 2. She's quite the grande dame. It's basically Michael without the peanut pockets.

Lucille:I know 50 gentlemen who would tuck their last nut to play this part.

Lucille:When you see him at the campaign event, you'll think you're looking at a 72-year-old pink mustachioed Lucille Austero.

Lucille · Michael:We can't have Lucille Austero! [Echo] We can't have Lucille Austero. [Echo] She's running against Lindsay, for God's sake. [Echo] For God's sake.

Lucille:Michael, did you do something for which we should be teaching you a lesson?

Michael · Lucille:Got my answer. You really don't care about your children's feelings, do you? Oh, you're one to give parenting lessons. I hear I'm not the only one whose son has a nasty left hook.

Michael · Lucille:You know, at least he did something that we have not been able to do. He stood up for himself when his father was wrong. In fact, it might be the thing that I'm most proud of him for. Hope he knows that. Uh, he definitely does not.

Michael · Lucille · G.O.B.:Goodbye forever. See you tonight. See you tonight. See you tonight.

Lucille:Care to join me for a glass of breakfast wine?

Narrator · Lucille · G.O.B. · Lindsay · George Sr.:The Bluths are 'graciously receiving the Family of the Year award they were generously giving themselves at the banana stand.'

George Sr. · G.O.B. · Lucille:'So I give you the biggest anchor of gold in the world. I only wish it were real gold so that you wouldn't have 30 years of hard work ahead of you.' 'Thirty years! What a horrible speech.'

George Sr. · Lucille:George Sr. holds the anchor award: 'Let 'em try to take this away from me, huh?' Response: 'They'll have to pry it out of your cold, dead hands.'

Lucille · Lindsay · Narrator:Lindsay arrives 'in what was her second outfit of the day.' Lucille: 'You're running to fill a House seat, not a sofa.'

Lindsay · Lucille:'I'm starting to worry you're not even capable of saying something nice about me in your speech.' 'Lindsay, saying nice things about you is easy. The hard part is not sounding sarcastic.'

Lucille:'That outfit shouldn't even come in that size.'

Lindsay · Lucille:Lindsay wraps herself in a sheet in protest. 'You don't like anything under this. Why should I take it off?' 'You don't have a speech for me.'

Lucille:'Look who grew out of her sheet.' — Lucille's comeback when Lindsay returns without the sheet.

Michael · Lucille:'Want to save me? Stop playing games with me. Stop trying to teach me a lesson by hiding Buster.' / 'We would never make you worry. We love you. That's why we got rid of your $700,000 debt.'

Lucille:'Well, no, technically, we forgot the debt. We can forget it, but we can never forgive it. We need the write-off.'

Michael · Lucille · Narrator:Michael's theory about the fake Buster: 'I declared Buster missing, and then they were gonna try to teach me a lesson, right? By having the fake Buster over at Lucille 2's today when I walked in.' Response: 'How did they know you were gonna walk in today?' / 'It was a last-minute trip. You just came down to get your scuba gear.'

Lucille · Lindsay · Narrator:Lucille's speech: 'I want to make special mention of my only daughter, who thinks I didn't write a speech.' / Lindsay: 'She stole my speech.'

Lucille · Lindsay · Maeby:'She's got a daughter who has many faces, and all of them are beautiful.' / Lindsay: 'She stole my speech.' / Lucille: 'Maybe you can show the world the smile I love so much.' / Maeby: 'That doesn't make sense without meth teeth!'

Michael · Lucille:'That would wipe me out, Mom.' Lucille: 'This is your fault. You lied to us about Buster being missing to teach us a lesson.' Michael: 'Because you lied to Buster that I agreed to look after him.'

Lucille:'For the last time, I was not there. Or, if I was there, I have no memory.'

Michael · Lucille:Only one family member is allowed in to see Buster. 'You're the one he's gonna want to see.' / 'He didn't want to see me last time I talked to him. He said he was all grown up and found a new mother.' / 'What a baby thing to say.'

Michael · George Sr. · Lucille:'No, the only way you're stabbing anything is if you have a knife.' / 'That's what he meant.' / 'That's what I meant.'

Bluth Family Member · Lucille:'Maybe Buster made him stop to make sure nobody found the body.' / 'Lucille 2's fine. Believe me, she's somewhere with a new chin, sipping steak through a straw.'

Tobias · Lucille:Tobias: 'As your therapist, I encourage you to let go of relationships that don't serve you.' / Lucille: 'You're no longer my therapist.' / 'Okay. We're making progress.' / 'Then, as your roommate, I encourage you to claim your space.' / 'You're no longer my roommate.' / 'You are just progressing by leaps and bounds.'

Michael · Lucille:'I've never heard a man ask that question.' / 'Nor have I.'

Lucille:'You know what would be a good idea? Why don't you get me a Fanta on your way out of the family. It's in the fridge.'

Lucille:Lucille: 'We said no leaks, and now we're streaming over everyone?'

Lucille · Michael:Lucille: 'They'll drop the charges quicker than you can blink your...' / Michael: 'Initiate, at least, the blinking of the eyes. The opening of the eyes is, uh, a bit of a guestimate lately.'

Lucille · Michael · Narrator:Lucille: 'And what if Buster chokes?' / Michael: 'I guess that's what Ron's for.' / Narrator: 'That would prove to be a very... No, you'll see on the next "On the Next."'

Lucille · Narrator:For some reason, he wants to wait till after the election to be what he likes to call 'intimate.'

Lucille:You gotta try this new eyebrow glue. You can eat soup again.

Lucille:If you tried the new eyebrow glue, you could look surprised, too.

Lucille · Lindsay (or companion):He expects sex after the election? What are you gonna do? That's in two days. / I know. I mean, I can't let the guy see me naked, 'cause, not to brag, but, you know, there's not a lot of 75-year-old women who got a body like this.

Lucille · Narrator (Ron Howard):Say what you will about Ron Howard as a filmmaker, but the man is not a Nazi sympathizer. / Thanks. / I've heard things about what's really going on in that Grinch movie he made.

Lucille:Lottie-Dottie-DA? Oh, she's a shark, Michael. I don't want you swimming anywhere near her. Especially after you tried to drown yourself in the bay the other day.

Lucille:And risk having a story come out that I went to a prison to visit my son before the election? That would be bad for Lindsay's campaign.

Lucille:They moved it because they don't want the Hispanics to get even by using up all the supplies a day early like we do with Cinco.

Lucille:Yeah, and good luck using the 4th of July fireworks on the 3rd, because we will have done it on the 2nd.

George Sr. · Lucille · Michael:Um, can I speak to you privately for a moment? / Oh. Yeah? / You need to speak privately? / Oh, it's just so mundane. I don't want to bore everyone. / I'll get out of your hair.

Barry · Lucille:A good lie is head in a box, but they wanted to go with something real, so we went with the evidence they actually had. / This is real? / Yeah, and he doesn't want to use the best part, the two heads. One spiky, one bald. / Lucille 2 and Oscar. / That idiot.

Barry · Lucille:Yeah, and he doesn't want to use the best part, the two heads. One spiky, one bald. — Lucille 2 and Oscar.

Lucille:I will not let that woman steal everything I've taken from her.

Lucille · George Sr.:It's so mundane. / Let me get out of your hair.

Lucille:If you could tear anything in two, you'd still have a shot at me.

Lucille · Buster:Well, I'm not going to be the one who apologizes, if that's what you're waiting for. / I'm sorry, but... / Apology accepted.

Lucille:You said 'I'm sorry.' You said the words.

Buster · Lucille:And you lied to me. There's no scary half-man that I couldn't handle. I don't approve of that show.

Lucille · Buster:If you must know the truth, I'm not thrilled with you. / The last time I saw you, you told me you didn't need me anymore. / So I'm to believe that's what you're upset about? Not that you think I'm a murderer? Or that I touched a mouse?

Buster · Lucille:You'll need the warden's permission, and then you'll have to sponsor me for my furlough, and they probably won't let me on the float again, but that's just... Oh, God, it's still the parade, isn't it?

Lucille · George Sr.:They are making him a patsy, parading him around, frightening the masses before the Fourth of July. / It's on the second this year.

Lucille · George Sr.:I don't want to tell you what I had to give the warden to make that happen. / I don't want to hear it.

Tobias · Lucille:Your mother is so sorry she upset you. / Out of the question. / Yes. It felt a little out of character.

Lucille · Tobias:Please tell me you prepared a few 'against her wills.' / Oh, my gosh. I do miss that wit, Mother. / It's Mrs. Bluth. I wasn't joking.

Lucille:Well, you're no stranger to stuffing tissue places when you don't have the goods.

Lucille:Those last few teeth aren't going without a fight, are they?

Narrator · Lucille:Upon a float where, unless she gives a perfect performance, she goes to jail for fraud. / Fine. You've left me no choice.

Lucille · DeBrie:Maybe if you turn away from the bleachers and cover your face with your hand... / I'm sure that's not the first time you've been told that. / Oh, God, no.

Lucille · Michael:There are cameras everywhere. / Well, that... something you ought to have thought of with regard to Lucille 2 and Oscar in Mexico.

Lucille · Michael:Do you have a tissue? / You haven't needed a tissue since Nixon resigned.

Lucille:I did three years in prison because of Buster. He can do a few weeks for me.

Lucille · Narrator:We may just get away with this, George. / And George Michael arrived looking to finally be honest with his father.

Lucille · George Sr.:Why do we have to have a party every time someone in this family is released from prison? / Tradition.

Lucille · George Sr.:Like that god-awful thing you used to make me do on your birthday. / Cook?

Lucille · Michael:Not in front of the grandkids. I don't want them to know about the shady business scams that go on in this family. / We lied to investors, so we have no product and we're two million dollars in debt.

Michael · Lucille:The next welcome home party's gonna be for us. / Oh, don't be ridiculous. My name isn't on anything.

Lucille · George Michael:So stop having feelings for her. / What? Is that something you can do with people?

Lucille:Yeah, once I learned how to do it with my parents, it was easy with everyone else. It's like a heart switch. Click. I love you. Click. I love you not.

Lucille:Oh, speaking of maniacs, let's watch this again.

Lucille:Well, it's not you! [responding to 'Is that Oscar?']

Lucille:He's got a lot of spunk. I like that on a guy.

Lucille:Or worse, she could come back, and they would charge us with embezzlement.

George Sr. · Lucille:Lucille, my lady, my love. Do you remember our first date, at that little Italian restaurant? / ♪ How did I ever find you? ♪ / You took me for Chinese. The Italian place was the first time I caught you with your secretary, and you asked, 'How did you ever find me?'

Lucille:That's it. All right. Get out. Go back to the Macaroni Grill.

George Sr. · Lucille:I want you, Lucille. / In what way, George? / Sexually? / Yes. / Sexual-ish-ly.

George Sr. · Lucille:Look, here's the deal. I can't... get hard. I... / Live without me. / It's really getting hard, uh, to live without you.

George Sr. · Lucille · George Sr.:He didn't say a word until we fired the wet nurse. / He didn't stop talking about that for three years. / Until we caved.

Lucille · George Sr.:He better not have started talking. / No, I meant originally. Like, when he was three. / Five. / Five. / He didn't say a word until we fired the wet nurse. / He didn't stop talking about that for three years. / Until we caved.

Lucille · George Sr.:That makes life worth living? / I was actually gonna say that we should keep from the DA, but can you tell me why life is worth living again?

Lucille · George Sr.:He loves music, he plays me songs on the guitar. You know, hey, I just brought the assistant manager of the Macaroni Grill over here during his lunch shift. It set me back a sawbuck. It's a third of what you are giving me to live off these days.

Lucille · George Sr.:Yeah, that's another thing Dusty doesn't complain about, his allowance. / You give him an allowance? / He doesn't get one. He's very wealthy. He made a lot of money in his law career. And he's fun. He surfs.

George Sr. · Lucille:I'm alive. / Only because Michael drives an electric car.

Lucille:Trust me, the whole 'trying to kill yourself' thing, turn off.

George Sr. · Lucille:I don't call it that, I call it 'a cry for help,' but I think help has just arrived and it's saying, 'Cry for fun!' / Don't cry at all. / Don't cry. Don't die. And have some fun.

Lucille:Lucille references Buster's favorite mall stores: 'Drink-A-Juice,' 'Paint-A-Plate,' 'Build-A-Bear'... 'Oh, there's a tiny train.'

Lucille · George Sr.:'But don't you think he would've smelled me by now?' / 'Oh, good point. Maybe the Popcorn Plantation is masking your scent.'

Lucille · Narrator:Lucille wants to make a stuffed bear from a wallet photo at Build-A-Bear to 'let Buster know authorities weren't after him and get a little dig in'

Lucille:'It makes you not even want to do business with a hostile nation.'

Lucille:'I think I can eat a piece of fish without giving away how I loathe you.'

Lucille · Dusty:'We went for sushi last night, and he never touched his fork.' / 'Well, a little bit for the rice. It's the hard part. But not when the guy was looking.'

Michael · Lucille:'This is a border wall between Mexico and America.' / 'That doesn't look like a mouth to you?'

Michael · George Sr. · Lucille:'There's Chinese Romneys?' / 'No, the only Romneys are the Mexican Romneys.' / 'Well, and the regular Romneys.'

George Sr. · Lucille · Michael:'The Mexican Romney said no refundo.' / 'They're Chinese.' / 'There's Chinese Romneys?' / 'No, the only Romneys are the Mexican Romneys.' / 'Well, and the regular Romneys.'

Narrator · George Sr. · Lucille:Narrator: 'George and Lucille were finally having dinner with their wall investors, and they were waiting for the right opportunity to lie about why they couldn't build it.'

George Sr. · Lucille:'The least we can do is pick up the check. You have burned so many phones talking to us.'

George Sr. · Lucille · Chinese Investors:George and Lucille try to use Lindsay losing the election as their excuse not to build the wall, only to be told Sally Sitwell publicly supports the wall

George Sr. · Lucille:'We did not expect you to know that.'

George Sr. · Lucille:'Well, but, the banks are closed, you know, tomorrow being the seventh.'

Narrator · Chinese Investors · George Sr. · Lucille:Honesty unexpectedly rewards George and Lucille with a $3 million 'monetary gift for removing shame'

George Sr. · Lucille:'I mean, there would still be shame. Yeah, I mean, we had shame walking in the door, but, I mean, wow...'

George Sr. · Lucille:The Bluths immediately have an offshore Cayman Islands account ready for the wire transfer — 'She's got that.'

George Sr. · Lucille:'The truth came out of my mouth as easy as any lie I could've thought of. She was so believable. I thought she was lying. It was like the opposite of Pinocchio. I swear, I think my nose got smaller.'

Lucille:'It was like the opposite of Pinocchio. I swear, I think my nose got smaller. Well, wouldn't have been the first time.'

George Sr. · Lucille:George Sr. admits he's 'dug a little bit deeper and found some extra capital' — which turns out to be the Chinese investors' face-saving money

George Sr. · Lucille:'Did this by himself. All that burden on your shoulders. No one to help you. A little baby Atlas.'

Michael · George Sr. · Lucille:The episode's escalating 'mildly displeased' callback — Michael says he's 'mildly displeased' echoing Dusty's warning; George Sr. says 'they will be mildly displeased'; everyone uses the phrase

George Michael · George Sr. · Lucille:'This is the best investment this family has made in years.' / 'I feel sick.' / 'I've felt better.'

Gob · George Sr. · Lucille · Michael:'Wait till you find out who the new president is.' / 'Oh, no.' / 'Did somebody say, Wait until you find out who the president is? Yes, but then we figured it out, and your father said, Oh, no.' — Gob's revised entrance

Michael · George Sr. · Lucille:'So we've got $3 million tied up in something Gob's in charge of?' / 'Maybe we could just hire him, like, a really good assistant.' / 'One step ahead of you.'

Gob · Buster · Lucille:Lucille has recruited Buster as Gob's 'right-hand man' — but Buster only has a hook for a hand. Gob notes: 'That would've been better if it was his right hand.'

Lucille:Sorry, Gob. Looks like there isn't gonna be enough for you.

Lucille:I never should have done Lindsay first. Lindsay's having a widening spurt.

Lucille:It must be something in these cigarettes.

Unknown Child · George Sr. · Lucille:It doesn't hurt that you guys are the judges. / They are? / You guys are the judges?

Lucille:I'm sure you'll all be thin by Thursday, Lindsay.

Unknown Sibling · Lucille:Oh, come on. He still has to wear that dog collar? / It's not a dog collar. It's Buster's Gentleman Collar.

Lucille · Buster:And he barely even knows it's there. / Yeah, I barely know it's...

Lucille:Well, he's grown a little. [visual: the collar is visibly too tight on an adult Buster]

Buster · Michael · George Sr. · Lucille:Take that back! You take that back! We're normal! We're normal! / Okay. Down, down. / Easy, Buster. Easy, boy. / Sit.

Lucille · Michael · George Sr.:Magic is for girls. / And your bird's gonna die, Michael. / And when it does, it'll go back to... whence it came. / Back to whence it came.

Lucille:Yeah, and they jumped right to 'He's the killer,' and then don't think to add: 'but it's nice he's giving the help the night off.'

Michael · Lucille:Mom, you had him on a leash until he was six. / Well, if that leash screwed him up so badly, why does he still want to wear it?

Lucille:Don't you try to pin this on Lupe. She had her own family to raise, too.

Tobias · Lucille · Michael:A young, one-armed, Iraq War vet suffering from PTSD, raised by a young mother who had him at 17, whose only flaw was that... she loved him... too much. / Actually, I was 37. / Well, no one would believe that.

Lucille · George Sr. · Unknown Sibling · Tobias:Every time you handle things, they're mishandled. / Yeah, your mom's right. I mean, lately, you're just doing everything badly. / Yeah, Dad, nail his ass. / I'll pile on to nailing that ass, Dad.

Lucille · George Sr. · Michael:We want the best. / Well, how are we gonna pay for that? We don't have any money. It's all tied up in Fakeblock. Thanks, Michael.

George Sr. · Lucille · Others:'Thanks, Michael.' / 'Thanks, Michael.' [repeated by multiple family members unprompted]

George Sr. · Lucille:Wow, that was spectacular. / Couldn't have gone better.

Lucille · Michael:Family pageant critique: 'A little more Magnum, PI, a little less Higgins'

Lucille · Michael:Stan Sitwell's eyebrow: 'Oh, for God sakes. Is that Stan Sitwell's eyebrow? I... I just told him he didn't leave it here!'

Lucille · Grandmother Mimi:Lucille to her mother: 'You don't need to come in here and criticize my children in the middle of a pageant. We're...'

Lucille · Grandmother Mimi · Narrator:'You never let me wear the sash when I was little.' / 'Oh, please, you were never little.' / 'Your mother was never little.'

Lucille · Grandmother Mimi:Trophy dispute: 'We already have a trophy for the winner. It has a little magician on it.' / 'They didn't have one with a boy doing push-ups.'

Grandmother Mimi · Lucille:'You know, I've been in the house five minutes. You haven't even offered me so much as a pitcher of martinis.' / 'I'll make two.'

Narrator · George Sr. · Lucille:Narrator: 'George Sr. and Lucille entered a courtroom that abounded with memories of Bluth family get-togethers.'

George Sr. · Lucille · CJ (bailiff):The bailiff Chuck / 'You used to catch him when he'd run.' / 'Actually, I'm Chuck's son.' / 'Your parents must be so proud.'

Lucille · George Sr.:Lucille to George Sr.: 'At least I came to your trial. For mine, you were too busy juicing it up with that woman you probably pushed...'

Buster · Lucille:Buster growing dreadlocks: 'I'm growing dreads, Mother. Dreads right out of my head.' / 'Just because you have an African-American left hand, all of a sudden you're Ray Charles?'

Lucille:'And I thought you Alibabaed one that was less... threatening.'

Lucille · George Sr. · Lucille:Oh, God. Did he take another swing at you? / No, that... that's not what he did. / George Michael fired you? / That is what he did.

Lucille:Lucille: 'Well, having a child try to embarrass you is part of parenting, sweetheart.' / 'Mine's chained to a bench. So, in that sense, he's an overachiever.'

CJ (bailiff) · Judge · Lucille:The Guilty Guys arrive and the bailiff CJ announces: 'All rise for the Guilty Guys.' / 'CJ, you don't have to...' / 'Okay, great. Now I can't see.'

Guilty Guy lawyer · Judge · George Sr. · Lucille · Michael:Guilty Guys plead 'guilty' for Buster

Lucille · George Sr.:Lucille: 'I'll let him move in. That's what he wants.' / George Sr.: 'No, no, no, no. You're so close to ending it with him. I mean, I... You don't want to be leading him on.'

Lucille:I will not let this DA take my job.

Dusty Radler · Lucille:Dusty: 'I think you're a very caring mother. In fact, I'll go one step further. I think this is how a mother's supposed to act.'

Dusty Radler · Lucille:Dusty: 'She's not as sweet as she seems, is she?' / 'Trust me, it's all an act. She's not even interested in children. Well, maybe, like, babies, but that's weird, because who likes babies?' / Lucille: 'Mm, especially in the early years, I know.'

Dusty Radler · Lucille:Dusty: 'I can't wait to see her face when she learns that you're the one I'm with now. Believe me, I even wanted to lie and tell her things had gotten sexual with us, but... I didn't want to make things weird.'

Lucille · Dusty Radler:Lucille: 'You don't have to tell her about us. I mean, I'm old enough to be your mother.' / Dusty: 'Right. That's why I chose the word weird.'

Lucille · Dusty Radler:Lucille: 'I wouldn't change a thing, and of course, you'll need to cut your hair.' / Dusty: 'Oh, that'll make her totally crazy.' / 'Yeah. She could never get me to do that.'

George Sr. · Lucille:I thought you wanted me to pre-tie his tie. / He's not here. He ran off. He's flipping out.

Lucille · Dusty Radler:Lucille: 'Why are you worried about a joke? You just need an opening argument.' / Dusty: 'Well, because my argument comes right after I state, If you think that's funny, wait until you hear what the opening statement the prosecution is gonna give.'

Lucille · Dusty:You're anxious?! / You're the mother of the defendant, everybody's favorite. / I'm gonna be the one everyone's staring at, and I know literally who's gonna be judging me the most. / The judge can't show favoritism. / Lottie!

Lucille · Dusty Radler:Lucille: 'Trust me, the moment she sees you walk into that courtroom, the joke's going to be on her!' / Dusty: 'Yeah! That's why I wanted to tell the joke first!'

Lucille:What are you doing? Nobody's even swimming out there!

Lucille · Dusty:Well, I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be your mother, but... but I'm worried about my son. / Okay. If you don't want to be my mother, then maybe stop referring to me as your son, how about that? / I... I'm talking about Buster.

George Sr. · Lucille:George Sr. reminiscing: 'Remember when I had them the night before we went to trial for that tax evasion in '88?' / 'We had to hide all that boy fight money.'

Lucille · George Sr.:Lucille: 'How can you ask me that?' / George Sr.: 'I just know how you can be. There was a time right after Gob was born... when you grew cold and contemptuous of everyone. You remember that?' / Lucille: 'Well, only because it's still going on.'

Lucille:Lucille: 'Now you know how I felt all those years, George.'

Lucille · Narrator:Lucille arrives at what she imagines is Dusty's modest home — and it turns out to be a mansion with a full multi-floor staff: 'How rich is this sand hobo?'

Lucille · Carla:I'm sorry. I thought this was where Dustin Radler lived. / Mr. Radler's in his bedroom. I'll have to announce you. / Announce me?

Lucille · Carla · Jean · Various staff:The household staff argument: First floor vs. second floor hierarchy, Vines, the Salazars, Mrs. Bautista becoming Mrs. Salazar, 'Three guesses what she did to get on two.'

Lucille · Lindsay:Lucille to Lindsay: 'Oh! Look who thinks they can wear white.'

Lucille · Lindsay:Lucille can't hear what anyone is saying 'over the sound' of Lindsay's singing, comparing it to a cat

Lucille:'Most people close their eyes when they plug their ears.' [LUCILLE SIPS]

Lucille · Lindsay:Lucille reassures Lindsay: 'Maybe it'll be better if you don't win this one. And you wouldn't be losing much, just a cruise with your grandmother.'

Lucille:Lucille describes Buster's disappearance: 'I took Buster off his leash, and I brought him down to the beach. Don't worry, I told him how to swim.'

Lucille:After Buster nearly drowns and is revived by Michael, Lucille says 'That was a freebie.'

Michael · Lucille · Gob:Visual gag: Michael performs a magic/juggling act with confetti coming from his hat, and Lucille asks 'But where did the confetti come from?' — 'From Michael's hat. Honestly, these are so easy.'

Lucille:Michael accidentally saves Buster from drowning, and Lucille protests: 'This doesn't count! Who took off his gentleman collar?'

Lucille:After Buster is revived, Lucille says: 'Mommy's here. And as much juice as you want tonight.'

Lucille · Dusty:Lucille tells Dusty: 'Believe me, the guilt will fade. I mean, I've cheated on you a thousand times.'

Lucille · Dusty:Lucille to Dusty about cheating: '...it does almost make up for the permanent damage you did to my endocrine system.'

Lucille · Michael:The prosecutor cut her hair and the Bluths whisper: 'Does she look rattled to you?'

Lucille · Lottie · Michael:Prosecutor praises 'the most charitable, vibrant, balanced, beautiful woman named Lucille this town has ever known' — Lucille Bluth snorts 'Burn,' then clarifies: 'It's just that my mother's name is Lucille as well, so the burn was on her.'

Lottie · Lucille · Ron Howard (Narrator):Lottie's pre-trial concern: 'Everything go okay last night?' Ron narrates that she had visited Dusty's dying father in the hospital, mistaking him for Dusty, and 'gotten a head start.'

Lucille · Dusty:Lucille to Dusty: 'That was humiliating.' Dusty: 'For my first murder trial, though, my first anything trial, not bad, right?'

Lucille · Dusty:Lucille: 'Oh, for God's sakes, stop talking like a child. I mean, how old are you?' Dusty: 'Fifty-six and a half.' Lucille: 'Jesus!'

Lucille · Michael:Lucille: 'All right. I made an awful choice, but did I give you a hard time when you gave all our life rights to Imagine Films to make some TV show?' Michael: 'Yes, you did.' Lucille: '...That was somewhat amiss of you.'

Lucille:Lucille: '...I hired a completely incompetent lawyer and put my son's life in the hands of a moron, and I know what you want me to say, Michael. Okay, I'll say it... My bad!'

Gene Parmesan · Lucille:Gene Parmesan is disguised as the new bailiff; when called to the stand he's nowhere to be found; someone suggests 'Has anyone checked under the... new bailiff?' — Gene Parmesan is the bailiff.

Gene Parmesan · Lucille:Gene Parmesan, after being sworn in: 'That never gets old!' Then: 'I'll tell you something else that never gets old. Whoops. I'm under oath.'

Lucille · Buster · Dusty:Lucille confronts Dusty: 'So you sell me out to Warden Gentles?' Dusty: 'And we both know you said I wouldn't get in trouble. You made a promise!' Lucille: 'No, Buster, it was a mistake!'

Lucille · Dusty · Buster:Lucille to Dusty: 'So you sell me out to Warden Gentles? And we both know you said I wouldn't get in trouble.' Dusty: 'No, Buster, it was a mistake!' Lucille: 'You can live with her, Dusty. She can be your mother.'

Lucille:So it seems that I came home from somewhere. The point is that we're talking about you, not me.

Buster · Lucille:Yes, because I'm a good assistant, and unlike you, I know how to keep a secret. I can't believe you told Warden Gentles about our family secrets.

Lucille:Look, you wanted to get out for the parade, but I drank too much, okay? This is why you don't go to rehab. I lost all my tolerance.

Lucille · George Sr. · Tobias · Gob:Right. Michael always comes back. Yeah. He thinks he has to 'bring us together.' Oh, Michael is such a zero. Oh, he'll be back. Michael always comes back.