Afternoon Delight

Narrator:Narrator: 'Michael was using the Bluth Company crane to retrieve the family-owned frozen banana stand after it had been dumped in the bay, a holiday tradition among the local youth.'

Gob · Michael:Gob: 'Another one of Dad's suits?' Michael: 'Hey, I'm the President now. Filling Dad's shoes. Literally. Except his shoes don't fit. But I did finally got into Dad's pants. Although I had to have the crotch taken out a little bit.'

Gob:Gob reacts to Michael's concern about alienating employees: 'What? Oh! That's great... The President has to worry about alienating the employees now.'

Gob:Escalating suit price gag: '$3,000 suit... $4,000 suit... $5,000 suit... Come on!' shown in flashback as Gob alienates employees

Michael · Narrator:Narrator describes a past Christmas party: Michael turning down gifts and directing them to charity barrel while telling an employee 'We just can't have them resent us.'

Gob:Gob upon hearing 'George has been into the kitty': 'Into the kitty! He is awesome. Meow.'

Lucille · Lindsay:Lucille to Lindsay about bringing her to the party: 'You see, if I show up with you, it'll just make me seem like I'm a mother.' Lindsay: 'I've never thought of you that way.' Lucille: 'That's sweet.'

Lindsay · Michael:Lindsay: 'If I show up with you, it'll just make me seem like I'm a mother.' Michael: 'I've never thought of you that way.' Lindsay: 'That's sweet.'

Tobias:Tobias: 'I will be head to toe in blue makeup until 8:01 in case the Blue Man Group needs their understudy.'

Lindsay · Tobias:Lindsay: 'No, you have to go, so when men find out we're in an open relationship, they'll see you're no threat. People hear the name Tobias, they think-- big black guy.' Tobias: 'Well, obviously, I'm not a big guy. I'm not a Carl Weathers, par example.'

Lindsay:Lindsay: 'I forgot about Carl. Is he still single?'

George Michael · Michael:George Michael: 'I can't. I'm supposed to go to Ann's parents' Christmas party. We're making yams.' Michael: 'Tonight? Tonight is the office party.'

Michael · George Michael:Michael: 'I think Ann's parents are having their party on Bethlehem time, which is pretty early.' / Michael later: 'You be with Yam. It's fine.'

Lucille · Michael:Lucille: 'When I thought your first wife was driving us apart, I did not make a stink.' Michael: 'You complained all the time, and she was my only wife. And she died.' Lucille: 'Yeah, well. See, things have a way of working themselves out.'

Gob:After Lucille's tense phone call about a break-in, Gob says: 'She sounds tense. That means she's not getting any from my brother Oscar.'

Lucille:Lucille on the phone: 'First I blow him, then I poke him. Guy has no idea what he's in for.'

Michael:Michael examines the 'break-in' and finds the glass is on the outside: 'I doubt anyone was trying to break in, Mom. If anything, someone was trying to break out.'

Narrator · Oscar:Narrator: 'Every year, Oscar attempts the 420-mile walk from Newport Beach to Berkeley, California. In the 12 years he's attempted this, he's never made it past UC Irvine.'

Lucille:Lucille: 'He calls it a quest to recharge his chi. I call it an excuse for him to score his pot and wag his pickle at coeds.'

Lucille:Lucille: 'Michael, a mother doesn't have a child to give herself company. Annyong was to teach Buster a lesson. And where is that little lesson? I sent him to the Milford Academy to teach him a lesson. I can't remember about what.'

Buster:Buster, spotting the skill crane game through the bus window: 'That could be good for Army.'

Narrator · Buster:Narrator reveals: 'In fact, Buster never went to the Army. He'd gotten hooked playing the skill crane and missed his first day.'

Maeby:Maeby explaining why she's at the banana stand: 'My mom signed me out of school early, so then she wouldn't have to pick me up later, so then she wouldn't be late for the Christmas party.'

Gob:Gob: 'I just don't want people's kids getting their sticky little fingers all over these 26,000 dollar pants.'

Gob:Gob's sexual harassment speech with heavy bleeping: 'Please refrain from discussing or engaging in any sort of interoffice [bleep]ing or [bleep]ing of finger [bleep] or [bleep]sting or [bleep]ing or even [bleep].'

Gob · Michael:Gob: 'And if anybody does anything with my sister Lindsay, I'll take off my pants, I'll shave my [bleep], and I'll personally [bleep]...' Michael: 'Let's get this going.'

Gob:Gob announces the party has started, plays 'Everybody Dance Now' — and the party is clearly dead: minimal response, no one engages.

Narrator:Narrator: 'And so, Michael started to become relaxed. And a short time later, his mother arrived anything but.'

Narrator · Gob:Narrator: 'In fact, Gob had stolen it [the liquor] earlier that day to cut down on the cost of the party.'

Lucille · Buster:Lucille to returning Buster: 'There's no shame in being a coward.' Buster: 'A coward? I'm not a coward. Would a coward have this?' [holds up awards] 'These are my awards, Mother. From Army. The seal is for marksmanship, and the gorilla is for sand racing.'

Lucille · Michael:Lucille: 'You have no idea what it's like to be abandoned by your son.' Michael: 'Do you see my son? He chose his girlfriend over me.' Lucille: 'How the worm has turned.' Michael: 'Look who feels the sting of an ungrateful child.' Lucille: 'Mother, you have to receive something to be ungrateful.'

Lucille · Buster · Michael:Lucille: 'You have no idea what it's like to be abandoned by your son.' Buster: 'Look who feels the sting of an ungrateful child.' Lucille: 'Mother, you have to receive something to be ungrateful.'

Michael · Tobias · Narrator:Michael leaves a voicemail for Tobias asking him to go to Lucille's. The voicemail is accidentally routed to Michael's home — where the Blue Man Group is performing for Tobias. 'The Blue Men!' / 'You have 101 unheard messages. First message.'

Narrator · Tobias:Narrator: 'Unfortunately, Tobias missed the call from the Bluth Company, and it went through to Michael's home voice mail.' Cut to: voice mail machine reading '101 unheard messages.'

Lucille:Lucille's voicemail montage: 'Michael, it's your mother. Michael, pick up. Happy Thanksgiving! Michael, it's Mother. Michael, pick up.' — heard amid the 101 unheard messages.

Lindsay · Ted:Lindsay tries to flirt with Ted at the party. Ted: 'This has been pleasant and professional. Good luck in the coming business year.'

Lindsay:Lindsay to employee Ted: 'Oh, if you're worried about my husband, it's fine. He's no bigger than a Cub Scout. You could take him, and you could certainly take me.'

Gob · Bluth Employees:Employees are sneaking stickers onto Gob's suit behind his back while he circulates proudly.

Lindsay · Maeby:Lindsay on the Christmas party: 'It is the worst Christmas party I've ever been to in my life.' Maeby: 'Yep, like my last ten years.'

George Michael · Narrator:George Michael's description of Ann's family party is interrupted by the narrator: 'The word George Michael was searching for was "creepy."' Cut to the Ann family Christmas party — adults singing German religious hymns in unison.

Michael · George Michael:George Michael: 'Hey, I was talking to the sound guy, and he said he's got this karaoke thing.' Michael: 'Yeah, let's do it. Put the first song on in the book.' — They have no idea what they're about to sing.

George Michael:George Michael: 'They said I could leave for the second hour of silent prayer.'

Michael · Maeby:Michael and Maeby sing 'Afternoon Delight' as a duet — a cheerful karaoke performance of a song with explicit sexual lyrics, neither realizing the content. Intercut with Lindsay and George Michael each feeling abandoned.

Michael:Michael: 'Hang on, Maeby.' [stops singing mid-lyric when he registers what he's been singing]

Gob:Gob: 'Let's toast me. Who's first? Tom, why don't you come up here and talk about me for a few minutes.'

Gob · Tom:Tom: 'Uh, you certainly do love those suits.' Gob: 'Seven grand — you better believe I love them.'

Gob:Gob discovers the stickers on his suit mid-toast: 'What...? Who did this?' — His authority and dignity collapse simultaneously in front of everyone.

Tom:Tom's damning faint praise of Gob: 'I don't know him very well, but Gob seems like he'd be a really smart boss.' / 'Look, he... he's a great magician.'

Gob:Gob fires Tom, then fires everyone: 'You're all fired. Each and every one of you. Merry Christmas.'

Gob · Michael:Gob to Michael after firing everyone: 'I did the right thing, Michael. If I don't fire them, how do I teach a lesson to the others?' Michael: 'There are no others. You fired everyone.'

Gob:Gob to Michael: 'The guy who's dirty dancing with his niece is going to tell the guy in the 36-hundred dollar suit how to run the business. Come on.'

Michael · Gob:Michael: 'Maybe we're better off with me being business-like and you being the good-time, useless party guy.' Gob: 'It got us this far.' Michael: 'Mm-hmm.'

Gob · Michael:Gob on the roast tradition: 'Oh, God, how they used to laugh with me.' Michael: 'At you.'

Michael · Oscar:Michael to Oscar on road trip: 'My mom is very stressed out, and she needs something that I can't give her. Maybe a little "Afternoon Delight"?'

Lucille · Michael:Lucille (on phone): 'I was almost attacked last night, in my own home. I walk in and there's a colored man in my kitchen.' Michael: '"Colored"? What color was he exactly?' Lucille: 'Blue.'

Oscar · Michael:Oscar: 'Well, sure. The question is, which way do I try to get it in her?' Michael: 'I don't need any details.' Oscar: 'Maybe I'll put it in her brownie.'

Oscar:Oscar: 'What happened to you?' / Maeby reveals Michael took her on a road trip. / Oscar: 'Oh, my ears. The doctor said I can't go to sleep for five hours, or I might die, or something. Oh, I got blown! So I can't sleep!'

George Michael:George Michael about Michael and Maeby: 'I'm going to lie down for a little bit. But just, I-I... it's... I can't fall...' — trails off, unable to say he can't fall asleep without implicitly admitting he's bothered by the uncle-niece bonding.

Lucille · Oscar · Narrator:Narrator: 'And Oscar was giving Lucille a little "Afternoon Deelite."' — Cut to Lucille eating brownies contentedly.

Oscar:Lucille wanders away while Oscar is getting more brownies: 'Where did she go?'

Gob:Gob at the second Christmas party: 'Sure-sure, the guy in the $600 banana suit. Come on!'

Gob:Gob in the banana suit: 'What's funnier than a guy in an-- Oh! Hey, wait. Hey! Hey! You're pulling my leg off!'

Narrator · Gob:Narrator: 'Later, Gob was inside the banana stand and it was getting pretty hot in there, so he decided to lose a layer.'

Gob · Michael:Gob watching Michael and Maeby together: 'Look at that. They're all over each other. With their little secrets.' Michael: 'Well, what can you do, right?' Gob: 'Yeah.'

Lindsay · George Michael · Tobias:Lindsay and George Michael inadvertently singing 'Afternoon Delight' together: 'And I think I might try nibbling a little afternoon delight...' Tobias: 'That's my wife and nephew!' / Lindsay: 'We have an open relationship!'

Narrator:Narrator: 'The effects of Lindsay and George Michael's "Afternoon Delight" was overshadowed by the effects of Oscar and Lucille's "Afternoon Deelite."'

Tobias · Lucille:Tobias, unable to hear due to his ear injury, fails to dodge Lucille's car and gets hit. 'What the hell was that?'

Lucille · Gob:Lucille, stoned from Afternoon Deelite brownies, driving erratically and hitting a banana peel from Gob's banana suit, causing the car to skid.

Gob:Gob: 'I can't get out of here. I'm stuck!' — trapped inside the banana stand after the crash.

Buster · Gob · Narrator:Buster arrives with the Army crane and 'rescues' Gob — but the narrator warns: 'Unfortunately, Buster's newfound skills did not involve lowering gently.' Gob is hoisted and then slammed down.

Gob · Michael:Gob, after being hoisted and slammed by Buster, hears the crowd laughing: 'They're laughing with me, Michael. They're laughing with me.'

Tobias:Tobias, after being hit by a car and still apparently mobile: 'Hey, it's Tobias. Who wants to take me to the hospital?'

George Michael · Michael:George Michael and Michael, rebuilding the banana stand again, hear 'Afternoon Delight' playing. George Michael: 'Does not seem like it would be that dirty.' Michael: 'It is catchy. That's the thing.'

Narrator · Tobias:On the Next Arrested Development: 'The Blue Man Group finally calls for Tobias with a life-changing opportunity. Unfortunately, he can't hear it and his life stays the same.'