Oscar Bluth

Oscar:One on the lips.

Michael · Oscar:I have lemons, I make lemonade. - That's a very positive attitude. I hate the lemonade business. I hate the grind. You have to grind so many... lemons.

Oscar:That was a song I wrote for David Cassidy; he was gonna sing it on The Mike Douglas Show. But he was too embarrassed to do it in front ofJohn and Yoko.

Oscar:Fellas! Fellas!

Oscar · Lucille:You still have the neck of a 20-year-old. - And you still have the hair of a lion.

Oscar:Smile.

Oscar:OH, YOUR TONGUE IS AS SHARP AS YOUR BODY IS STILL TAUT.

Oscar:Do you have any cookies with no preservatives?

Oscar:More than you'll ever know.

Oscar · Tobias:I am surprised, though, that she's going after somebody so similar to my own type. But I suppose we all do expose our inner desires, don't we? I think you just did.

Oscar:She's just so... loving and affectionate. I-I... this is not the woman I fell in love with.

Oscar:Yeah. It's the only thing I could find. Where are the eggs? Doctor says they're bad for the baby.

Oscar:Because that's what you are: a hot-tie.

Oscar:Stop me from pouring this on myself. I can't take this anymore.

Oscar · Michael:Is that her rape horn? It's more like a starter's pistol.

Oscar:I just, uh, I just want to have sex with you. That's, that's all I'm good for.

Lucille · Oscar:You smell like a pine cone. Yeah, that's the weed.

Oscar:I'm on mushrooms! I'm on bad mushrooms!

Oscar:I'm on mushrooms! I'm on bad mushrooms!

Oscar · Michael · Oscar:which way do I try to get it in her? / I don't need any details. / Maybe I'll put it in her brownie.

Oscar:Hey, Mikey, relax. It's just a giant banana.

Oscar · Lucille:Lucille, I'll say it again. You never know what's going to happen in the army. Remember, Lucille? No, I don't.

Oscar:Croc! No, sorry. Wait. Log. Just a log. No, wait. Sorry. Croc!

Oscar:LUPE WASHED THEM, AND THEY SPROUTED. I THREW THEM OUT.

Lucille · Oscar:You're high! - Oh, well, you can win every argument like that, but that does not make you right. - I need macaroons. - Oh, you're high!

Oscar · Maeby:Her? Does she look old enough to play Topher Grace's mom?

Oscar · Buster:Buster! The Cornballer! [Both Screaming] [Sizzling]

Oscar:I could never leave a little bud behind.

Buster · Oscar:At least you can stay and help me bury my poor turtle. / Or we could cremate it.

Buster · Oscar:Oh, it's on 'standby'! / Got another one in you?

Buster · Oscar:Wait a minute. You're not really smiling. / I'm Oscar.

George Sr. · Oscar:Ah, this is why they dropped those other charges. You gave me up, George. - George? I'm not George.

Oscar:George! Actually, we came in to use the bathroom, but they sat me. And they have mahimahi today. Will you join us? Will you have a mahimahi on me? On you.

Oscar · Heartfire:This is Heartfire; she's an aura specialist. She did Matthew Modine. I will.

George Sr. · Oscar · Narrator:Hey. Hey. He had his twin brother endure it. Did you bring me some lemonade? No, sir. It is crazy out there. For the first time we are out.

Oscar · George Sr.:I just can't go on pretending to be you, sitting silently... Shh. ...in a, in a 100-degree mud hut for an hour and a half.

Oscar · Barry:I just pooped in a hole and covered it up. I hope I did the right thing. There's a commode. It's, it's directly uphill from the maca root.

Lucille · Oscar:I love it when you call my name. George! Don't call me that. Call me Father B.

Oscar · Lucille:Buster? No, no. I won't... I won't hear of it. It could kill him. I meant Gob.

Oscar:Well, this is America. If they don't want us to burn signs, they shouldn't write them in Spanish.

Oscar:Hello, brother. Thought I'd find you in a blouse and a beekeeper hat.

George Sr. · Oscar:I told one lie, but I-I was going to share the money with you. Two lies. And why do I think that you charge more than five dollars for lemonade? Three small lies.

Oscar:Do you think I'm here for the donkey punch? Which I do love, and it's the only night you can get it.

Oscar:Well, this is America. They don't want us to burn signs, they shouldn't write 'em in Spanish.

Oscar:Buster's in jail? My boy. My boy.

Oscar:I guess stuff does happen like this in real life.

Oscar · Buster:Wait a minute. It's a fake hand. How can it hurt? No, it's a rental from prison, and Mother said my next hand... is gonna be out of my own pocket

Oscar · Buster:Outside, inside, outside, inside... Now, we cannot draw attention to ourselves. - I'm just a guy fixing a broken hand. - Right. And I'm... I'm just a guy who's wearing a blue hat. Nothing to see here, folks. Nothing to see.

Buster · Oscar:Oh, I'm like a kid in a candy shop. - No way. - I think I saw William Shatner wearing this while riding a bicycle once.

Buster · Oscar:Oh, I'm like a kid in a candy shop. No way. I think I saw William Shatner wearing this while riding a bicycle once.

Stan Sitwell · Oscar · Buster:You're taking me as a hostage in case the cops see us? Hey, guy, I wouldn't know about that. - We can pretend we're cousins. - Cousins?

Oscar · Buster:Inside, outside, inside, outside... - Who is this guy? - I don't know... inside... but I don't like the looks of him... outside...

Oscar · Buster:Tell him to off. Yeah, yeah, yeah, to F off, twinkle toes. Tell him to F off.

Oscar:This is what we in the Bluth family call a 'Don't Tell Michael.'

Oscar · Buster:Inside, outside. Inside, outside. Inside, outside. Outside. Inside, outside. - You blow our cover, and she's a goner. - Inside, outside.

Oscar · Buster:Wet side, dry side, wet side, dry side, wet side, dry side...

Buster · Oscar:Inside. Outside. Inside.

Oscar · Buster:Feels like we're outside. It feels like we're inside.

Buster · Oscar:That was to get out of testifying. No, that was a three-month coma.

Oscar:If something happens out there, and I get caught and I don't come back, I just want to tell you that... this... this... being with you has been... ah, it's been... I cherish it. My son.

Oscar:They throw these in with the posters. Actually, he's not technically free. He still has to officially sign out from prison and pay their $75 process fee.

George Sr. · Oscar:I'm fighting against the competition. What, is she dating? No, I'm talking about Buster.

Oscar · Buster:A guy could have a mighty nice life up here. Do you... You want us to die here together?

Oscar:Oh, yeah. I... I noticed there's a blood-like substance back there. But that's a tomorrow job. That's for the daytime.

Oscar · George Michael:Oscar and his son both confess they knew they weren't fugitives but pretended to be to spend time together

Oscar:Oscar's three activity choices are all variations of staying inside: 'lay down inside, get scared of the dark inside, or play hide-and-go-seek inside'

Oscar:Oscar's ultimatum: 'it's me or the weed'

Oscar:Oscar saying 'Outside, outside, outside...' repeatedly

Gob · Oscar:Gob introducing Oscar: 'Please say hello to my new right-hand man!' while Oscar only has his left hand