Oscar Bluth

Oscar · Michael:Oscar's reunion hug with Michael: 'Wow, you are like, like a rock. Oh, the tension! Come on. Oh, okay. That's plenty. Okay. That's the pancreas right there.'

Michael · Oscar:Michael: 'I have lemons, I make lemonade.' Oscar: 'I hate the lemonade business. I hate the grind. You have to grind so many... lemons.' Michael: 'You're not a very metaphorical person, are you?'

Oscar:Oscar: 'I could give you the rights to All You Need Are Smiles. That was a song I wrote for David Cassidy; he was gonna sing it on The Mike Douglas Show. But he was too embarrassed to do it in front of John and Yoko.'

Oscar · Michael:Oscar: 'The love that was taken from me.' Michael: 'I hope that was the espresso machine.'

Oscar · Michael:Michael's phone answering machine spiral: 'Hi, this is Oscar. I'm off, pursuing my lady love. Leave a message. I'll get back to you next summer.' Michael: 'Hey, it's Michael. I know that you think that you've disappeared, but I will find you.'

Oscar · Lucille:Oscar to Lucille: 'Lucille! You look fantastic! You still have the neck of a 20-year-old.' Lucille: 'And you still have the hair of a lion.'

Lucille · Oscar:Lucille to Oscar: 'Take back the land.' Oscar: 'That's it? But I thought we could have this brief moment to... reconnect.'

Lucille · Oscar:Lucille: 'Oscar. Your brother is in jail right now. My husband is in jail.' Oscar: 'You're right.' [beat] 'So what's the rush?'

Oscar:Final teaser beat: 'Smile.' — likely a reference to Oscar's song 'All You Need Are Smiles' or a visual gag.

Lucille · Oscar:Lucille to Oscar: 'What are they gonna take, the one can of Comet you've got in there?' / Oscar: 'Oh, your tongue is as sharp as your body is still taut.'

Lucille · Oscar:Lucille catching Oscar smoking pot at a children's soccer game: 'Oscar, this is a children's soccer game, not Woodstock.'

Buster · Oscar:Buster discovers Oscar getting high in his camper — reaction shot

Narrator · Oscar:Narrator: 'In fact, the police only thought they'd arrested George Senior... but had gotten his twin brother Oscar instead.' Oscar in custody: 'Do you have any cookies with no preservatives?'

Lucille · Buster · Oscar:Lucille: 'I sent [Oscar] out for a new air horn.' Shot of Buster waiting, then Oscar returns with a giant air horn.

Oscar · Lucille:Oscar to Lucille, re: his long hair: 'I guess I'd look like you. More than you'll ever know.' — implying their intimate history

Oscar:Oscar, seeing the police: 'You don't need some piece of (bleep) uncle hanging around.' Then runs away.

Oscar:Oscar arrives late to the hospital: 'Hey, I'm awfully sorry I'm late. I got here as fast as... Oh, how is he?' — then is visibly wearing different clothes than before.

Lucille · Oscar:Oscar, we'll be heard. / That's what makes it so hot.

Lucille · Michael · Oscar:I heard zoo noises. It's nothing. Go back to bed. / So, everybody's still up, huh?

Lucille · Oscar:Are you nuts? Do you know what I went through to have this boy? / Oh, I know where the boy came from.

Oscar:Oscar: 'Here's some money. Go see a Star War.'

Lucille · Oscar:Lucille tells Oscar: 'Close it. You look like the window of a butcher shop.'

Lucille · Oscar:Lucille tells Buster it's 'your father's birthday, which, coincidentally, is my birthday' — because they're twins.

Narrator · George Sr. · Lucille · Oscar:George Sr. sees a newspaper story about his wife giving 'mouth-to-mouth to a homeless man' — but the narrator reveals he knew the truth: she was kissing his brother.

Oscar:Oscar to Lucille: 'Here you go: hot tea. Because that's what you are: a hot-tie.'

Oscar:Oscar to Michael: 'Stop me from pouring this on myself. I can't take this anymore.' [re: Lucille's affection]

Michael · Oscar · Narrator:Michael suggests Oscar should 'take a leap at freedom like my father' and 'run.' Oscar: 'Is that her rape horn?' Michael: 'It's more like a starter's pistol.' / Narrator: 'Run.'

Michael · Lucille · Oscar:Michael: 'This is going to sound like a strange question. Have you seen Dad?' Lucille: 'Of course not. And I'm not talking to you. You tried to scare away Oscar, which didn't work. He's back. I just, uh, I just want to have sex with you. That's, that's all I'm good for.' Michael: 'Did you hear that?' Narrator: 'He said he just wants to...' Michael: 'Good-bye, Mom.'

Narrator · Lucille · Oscar:On the Next Arrested Development — Oscar returns and is immediately cold-shouldered by Lucille. Narrator: '...which was what attracted him to her in the first place.'

Narrator · Oscar:Narrator: 'Every year, Oscar attempts the 420-mile walk from Newport Beach to Berkeley, California. In the 12 years he's attempted this, he's never made it past UC Irvine.'

Michael · Oscar:Michael to Oscar on road trip: 'My mom is very stressed out, and she needs something that I can't give her. Maybe a little "Afternoon Delight"?'

Oscar · Michael:Oscar: 'Well, sure. The question is, which way do I try to get it in her?' Michael: 'I don't need any details.' Oscar: 'Maybe I'll put it in her brownie.'

Oscar:Oscar: 'What happened to you?' / Maeby reveals Michael took her on a road trip. / Oscar: 'Oh, my ears. The doctor said I can't go to sleep for five hours, or I might die, or something. Oh, I got blown! So I can't sleep!'

Lucille · Oscar · Narrator:Narrator: 'And Oscar was giving Lucille a little "Afternoon Deelite."' — Cut to Lucille eating brownies contentedly.

Oscar:Lucille wanders away while Oscar is getting more brownies: 'Where did she go?'

Oscar · Lucille:I feel that we've not brought something up that might be a solution — um — to spare my feelings. — Send you in his place? I called. They don't want you back.

Oscar · Narrator:[Vietnam flashback] Croc! No, sorry. Wait. Log. Just a log. No, wait. Sorry. Croc! — Oscar served as a croc spotter on a Swift boat.

Oscar · Lucille:Oscar asks about his pants: 'Lupe washed them, and they sprouted. I threw them out.' / 'Well, that puts a lot of pressure on this pair.'

Lucille · Oscar:Lucille on the fur outfit: 'I think this one's good. Looks like it would've put up a fight.' / 'I put up one to get it.'

Lucille · Oscar · Narrator:Lucille: 'I don't know which one.' Oscar: 'The hand.' Narrator: 'I do.'

Lucille · Oscar · George Sr.:Lucille: 'If only your father was here.' Oscar: 'Oh, that George. God only knows where he is.' Buster (from attic window): 'The car!'

Narrator · Oscar · George Sr.:[Narrator] Oscar charged at George Sr., finally willing to fight for Lucille. But they did think alike... and neither could land a blow.

George Sr. · Oscar:Oscar, I don't want her. I don't want either of them. / Oh. Sorry. Where's my brother?

Oscar · Lucille:I hope you notice I didn't run. / You fought for me. / What I meant to say is I — I think I broke my ankle.

Oscar · Lucille:I hope you notice I didn't run. / You fought for me. / What I meant to say is I— I think I broke my ankle.

Narrator · Oscar · Buster:Oscar secretly believes Buster to be his natural son — and greets him warmly saying 'Hey, Uncle.' Oscar replies 'I feel so responsible for that.'

Narrator · Oscar · George Sr. · Buster:Oscar getting injured on a shoddy device George Sr. invented — when he forgot Buster was wearing a prosthetic hand. 'Buster! The Cornballer!'

Oscar · George Sr. · Narrator:It's my father's fault! / My fault? I was trying to keep you from burning yourself, you idiot! / I mean, yes, yes. George Sr. Sure rushed this to market.

Oscar · Buster:Oscar: 'Buster! Be careful!' Buster: 'It's not a real hand, remember?' Oscar: 'I'm so forgetful. I hope you don't get that from me.'

Oscar · Buster:Oscar burns himself on the Cornballer after Buster's prosthetic redirects the danger: '[Sizzling] [Screams] Just forget it! I wanted to share my Pop Secret with you. Oh, but forget it!'

Oscar · Lucille:Oscar and Lucille argue: 'You're high!' / 'You're drunk!' / 'Not this time.'

George Sr. · Oscar:George Sr. approaches Oscar: 'I want you to turn me in so you can get the reward, take care of the family.' / Oscar: 'Why would you do that for me?' / George: 'Because we're brothers.'

Narrator · Oscar:'Oscar, robbed of his fingerprints, has difficulty proving his identity.' / Oscar: 'My hair's gonna grow back. You'll see.'

Michael · Oscar:Michael visits prison to gloat at his father — but it's Oscar, his father's twin, who no one believes

Oscar · Other Inmates:Oscar's 'wrong twin' alibi is dismissed because 'You've got the wrong twin' is a popular alibi — other inmates chime in: 'We're quadruplets. You got the wrong two.' 'We're Larry and Dave, you want Curtis and Jeff.'

Oscar:Oscar keeps saying 'imoscar.com' after his name as if it's a domain name

Michael · Oscar:Michael: 'There's nothing you can say to make me believe that you are not my father.' Oscar: 'I understand. Your child comes first.'

Michael · Oscar:Michael finally realizes: 'Oh my God, you're Oscar.' Oscar: 'Dot com.'

Oscar · Buster:Oh, good, you've already got grass. / Primo bud. Real sticky weed. / Although I was getting a little worried because she was moving really slowly last week. And then she stopped.

Buster · Oscar:Uncle/Father Oscar? What are you doing here? / Well, you know me. I could never leave a little bud behind.

Oscar · Buster:He ate all the grass? / Yeah. / Well, it's been great catching up.

Oscar:Say, you don't have any Sweet Freedom or Tropical Leaves, or any of the Hawaiian blends, do you?

Oscar · Michael:George invited me. Oh, stupid. / Oscar, when are you going to learn there's no such thing as free shrimp?

George Sr. · Oscar:George Sr. dupes Oscar into taking his place at the Queen Mary party — 'You gave me up, George. / George? I'm not George.'

Oscar · Barry Zuckerkorn:Oscar (as George) has a genuine realization: 'So we only did buy that land for personal gain.' Barry: 'Well, what Oscar doesn't know won't hurt him.' Pause. Barry: 'Oscar.'

Oscar · Lucille:Oscar and Lucille's post-coital scene where Oscar says 'it's good to be out of that sweaty old hot box at the compound' — which has a double meaning given what just happened

George Sr. · Oscar · Lucille:Business card reads 'Se habla español' — but George Sr. reveals it means 'I do not speak Spanish'

Oscar:Oscar burning signs: 'Well, this is America. If they don't want us to burn signs, they shouldn't write them in Spanish.'

Oscar · George Sr.:Oscar arrives at the sweat lodge and says 'Hello, brother. Thought I'd find you in a blouse and a beekeeper hat.'

George Sr. · Oscar:George Sr.: 'I told one lie, but I-I was going to share the money with you.' / Oscar: 'Two lies.' / George: 'And why do I think that you charge more than five dollars for lemonade?' / Oscar: 'Three small lies.'

Oscar:Oscar's 'dramatic exit' is undercut immediately: 'So, good-bye, George. This is the last you'll see of me. Just gonna use the can for one second.'

Narrator · Oscar:It was just on the wrong side of the border. Which they might have known had George's brother Oscar not burned the signs. It's okay to burn these? Well, this is America. They don't want us to burn signs, they shouldn't write 'em in Spanish.

Oscar:The bathroom doesn't work back here, so I peed in a Wetzel bag.

Narrator · Oscar:Until, as it turns out, Oscar and his friends discovered how cold Mexico was at night. / This is America. If they don't want us to burn signs, they shouldn't write them in Spanish.

Oscar:That's a bit much. That's very nice. / I wouldn't say I deserved an Oscar, but...

Oscar · Narrator:The extended silent/stylized sequence depicting Oscar's parade plan — approximately 80 seconds of non-standard presentation

Oscar:Buster's in jail? My boy. My boy.

Oscar · Buster:I probably shouldn't have chained us together. / No, no, I should've brought a key.

Oscar · Buster:Keystone Cops would've made a meal out of this. / Yeah.

Oscar · Buster:Wait a minute. It's a fake hand. How can it hurt? / No, it's a rental from prison, and Mother said my next hand is gonna be out of my own pocket.

Oscar · Buster · Narrator:Left, right. Left, right... So we always start with left. Smooth and easy. Lemon squeezy. And... left... It wasn't a good system.

Oscar · Buster:Now, we cannot draw attention to ourselves. / I'm just a guy fixing a broken hand. / Right. And I'm... I'm just a guy who's wearing a blue hat. / Nothing to see here, folks.

Oscar:I think I saw William Shatner wearing this while riding a bicycle once.

Stan Sitwell · Oscar · Buster:Oscar and Buster encounter Stan Sitwell in the hospital — Stan immediately says 'Please don't hurt me.'

Buster · Stan Sitwell · Oscar:Could we stay at your place? / You're taking me as a hostage in case the cops see us? / Hey, guy, I wouldn't know about that. / We can pretend we're cousins.

Oscar · Buster:Oscar and Buster handcuffed together doing 'inside/outside' routine while navigating encountering a stranger

Buster · Oscar · Stan:Buster and Oscar debate via earpiece whether to say hi to a passerby, culminating in Buster simply saying 'Hello' and the man asking 'Hurt your hand?'

Oscar · Buster:Oscar tells Buster to 'tell him to off' — Buster relays 'to F off, twinkle toes'

Oscar · Buster:Oscar and Buster refer to their new living arrangement as a 'Don't Tell Michael'

Oscar · Buster · neighbor:Maeby's cover is almost blown — the neighbor asks about 'Bev' (the woman smiling in the apartment) and Oscar/Buster reveal she 'smiles all the time, even when she sleeps'

Narrator · Buster · Oscar:Narrator: 'George Michael wasn't the only one who felt shackled to his father.' — cut to Buster literally in handcuffs with Oscar

Oscar · Buster:Oscar and Buster try a tandem bicycle while handcuffed — 'Wet side, dry side, wet side, dry side...' — and it doesn't fit in wherever they've gone

Oscar · Buster:Oscar and Buster try to be inconspicuous on a motorcycle sidecar doing 'wet side, dry side' instead of 'inside, outside'

Worker · Buster · Oscar:Worker reveals the manacles were never locked — they just hadn't tried unclamping them

Buster · Oscar:The strategic discussion of whether it's 'safer to go their separate ways' now that the manacles are off — treated as a tactical decision by two men who were never fugitives

Buster · Oscar:The 'Inside-Outside Bandits' debate: Buster wants to be outside, Oscar wants to be inside — treated as a fundamental compatibility issue

Oscar · Buster:Oscar and Buster resolve their inside/outside dispute by moving into a Tent City display tent: 'Feels like we're outside / It feels like we're inside'

Oscar · Buster:Oscar corrects: 'That was to get out of testifying.' / 'No, that was a three-month coma.'

Oscar · Buster:Oscar responds to Buster's 'I cherish it' with a simple 'My son.' — followed by 'All right, fine. Be that way.'

Narrator · George Sr. · Oscar:George Sr. finds the 'more fun version of himself' at the Tent City — it's his twin brother Oscar

George Sr. · Oscar:George Sr. gives Buster a 'missing' poster as proof he's a free man — 'They throw these in with the posters'

Oscar · George Sr.:Oscar reveals he's trying to extend the 'Buster's on the run' charade to give George Sr. more bonding time with Lucille — for a $75 fee

Oscar · Buster:Buster's hand 'flew off' on the 405 freeway during their getaway

Buster · Oscar:'Welcome Home From Prison Again, Buster' banner — interpreted as ironic

Oscar:Oscar's explanation of a 'not-surprise party': 'Like if Buster was coming home, he'd expect a surprise party, so it wouldn't be a surprise. Since he's in jail, we're gonna throw a party and not tell him since there won't be guests.'

Oscar · Buster:'A guy could have a mighty nice life up here.' / 'Do you... You want us to die here together?'

Oscar · Buster:Buster's solution to attic hunger: 'How does gummies sound?' / 'Necessary.'

Buster · Oscar:Buster uses the 'dead body in the truck' as a step stool to drop something off for Gob — and the truck has 'sticky stairs' with a 'blood-like substance'

Oscar:'I wonder if there's, like, a really tall car wash around here.'

Oscar:Oscar and his son both confess they knew they weren't being chased, but each pretended for the other's sake

Oscar:Oscar lists the activity options for his son while he's inside: 'lay down inside, get scared of the dark inside, or play hide-and-go-seek inside'

Oscar:Oscar delivers an ultimatum: 'I don't like the smell of marijuana or your behavior when I've caught you, so it's me or the weed.'

Oscar:Oscar immediately runs outside yelling 'Hello!' as soon as he signs out

Oscar:Oscar immediately goes back outside chanting 'Outside, outside, outside, outside, outside...'

Michael · Oscar:Oscar re-emerges: 'Well, look who finally decided to show up. Steve McQueen from The Great Escape.' / 'I take it you saw the unwanted posters?' / 'Yes, and I got the hint. No one was chasing after me.'

Oscar:Oscar says 'I take it you saw the unwanted posters?' — referring to the 'UNWANTED' posters that apparently signaled no one was looking for him

Oscar:'Yes, well, that parade created a great deal of... pain for a lot of us.' — Oscar trails off meaningfully while the show plays 'For He's a Jolly Good Fellow' (implied)