As the Second of July parade approaches, Sally steps up her campaign against Lindsay while the Bluths again struggle to keep their stories straight.
Seventy-four jokes in 44 minutes: absurdist chaos outpaces character depth slightly.
Directed by Troy Miller · Written by Mitchell Hurwitz, Jim Vallely
WAR
164.9
Wins Above Replacement
“Premature Independence” ranks #57 of 84 Arrested Development episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 93.9 — Elite. The episode packs 105 scored jokes at 2.4 per minute, averaging 7.7 on craft and 7.5 on impact, with Tobias landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Narrator: Oh, well, at least Buster's being held. Which is more than he had as a child.
Narrator Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Callback Joni · Parade announcer: I've just been given the signal. Uh, the band is finished playing. / Ah, well, that's terrific. I'm sure they were great. Let's give them all a big hand. / Oh, it might be too late for that. Looks like their van just pulled out.
Narrator · Tobias: She was coming off a three-month run as Lindsay in front of a sold-out audience of one face blind man.
George Michael: Well, I'm not proud of this, but we... we were wearing the Ron Howard/Brian Grazer wigs from the Imagine gift shop.
Parade announcer: To start the festivities, please welcome the Milford Academy marching band, known throughout the state as California's quietest marching band. Let's all be perfectly still and see if we can hear them.
All Jokes — 105 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Gob: The parade illusion setup: Christian magician and gay magician swap closets so one comes out straight and the other comes out gay
Gob Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Gob: Gob: 'Sometimes I'm really into something, and he hates me.'
Gob Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Narrator: Gob called a man he had tried to forget by purchasing a closet conversion store in the first place. It's hard to explain.
Narrator Meta/Self-Referential Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Callback Lucille · Buster: Well, I'm not going to be the one who apologizes, if that's what you're waiting for. / I'm sorry, but... / Apology accepted.
Lucille: You said 'I'm sorry.' You said the words.
Lucille Escalation Character Comedy Callback Buster · Unnamed prisoner: Did I exaggerate about her? She really is just like the mother in Two and a Half Men. / No, you did not. Start watching that show? Yes, I did, Mother.
Buster · Lucille: And you lied to me. There's no scary half-man that I couldn't handle. I don't approve of that show.
Buster: Well, there's a lot of stuff I've done in this prison that you might not approve of. I touched a mouse.
Buster Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Buster: I read an illustrated Qur'an for kids, and at recess once, I sat in 'Blacks only.' Yard. Oh, I keep doing that.
Buster Escalation Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Lucille · Buster: If you must know the truth, I'm not thrilled with you. / The last time I saw you, you told me you didn't need me anymore. / So I'm to believe that's what you're upset about? Not that you think I'm a murderer? Or that I touched a mouse?
Buster · Lucille: You'll need the warden's permission, and then you'll have to sponsor me for my furlough, and they probably won't let me on the float again, but that's just... Oh, God, it's still the parade, isn't it?
Buster: Well, it's either that, or I'm gonna start spewing it. And your job's not gonna be easy since, of course, I got dinged because I screamed, 'Turn it off!' after they showed the half-man.
Buster Callback Character Comedy Callback Buster: It's like they need another reason to call me... Half-man? Jon Cryer.
Buster Setup/Punchline Wordplay/Pun Callback Maeby: Maeby disguised as the 'sexagenarian Annette' — an elderly woman with glasses on top of her head
Maeby Visual Gag Character Comedy Callback Maeby: I'm doing another scrub and run. My sex date is tonight, and there's no other way out of it. And honestly, if I wanted a hairless lover, I'd probably go underage rather than overage, you know?
Maeby Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Maeby · George Michael: No, I mean, not that I would do it on purpose. I'm just saying if I had a gun to somebody's head. / If you had a... / What do you want me to do? You want me to shoot a kid? What kind of monster are you?
Maeby · Narrator · Lou: Well, not exactly. They weren't cops. / This is wonderful. I've always wanted to be a Keystone Cop. It would be my honor to wear this handlebar mustache in the 2nd of July parade.
Maeby: Good-bye, Annette. Good-bye to our teeth that make it look like I'm smiling so I don't have to.
Maeby Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Maeby: And you, I'll miss you most of all, neighbor's pain medication. I never even got the chance... Nah, I'll just take you with me.
Maeby Dark/Subversive Misdirection Maeby · George Michael: So, now that you found out your dad's sneaking around with your girlfriend... / He wasn't going to see Rebel in Mexico. The whole thing was just a crazy, paranoid idea. Who knows where we get these ideas from, right? / Well, you. I got that from you. It's always from you.
Maeby: Oh, yeah, I was gonna say that sounded like one of mine.
Maeby Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy George Sr.: Ugh, so Lucille 2 is alive? Great. Another reason I got to get the hell out of here.
George Sr.: Thanks to your mother, I can't even feel your son on my lap.
Maeby · George Michael: Primos! / The Mexico trip flashback with the stair car — cousins fleeing after Cinco
Maeby: You know? Like how people think the world's melting because people drive cars, or that Hillary should continue to roam free.
Maeby Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Maeby: Good-bye, Fox & Friends.
Maeby Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement Callback Sally Sitwell: Sally: Maybe she's hiding behind this wall she wants to build. / If she does indeed show up at the parade, I will be very surprised, though I may not look it.
Lucille · George Sr.: They are making him a patsy, parading him around, frightening the masses before the Fourth of July. / It's on the second this year.
Lucille · George Sr.: I don't want to tell you what I had to give the warden to make that happen. / I don't want to hear it.
Tobias: Oh, damn it, I just did exactly what I said I wouldn't do.
Tobias Meta/Self-Referential Character Comedy Callback Tobias · Lucille: Your mother is so sorry she upset you. / Out of the question. / Yes. It felt a little out of character.
Lucille · Tobias: Please tell me you prepared a few 'against her wills.' / Oh, my gosh. I do miss that wit, Mother. / It's Mrs. Bluth. I wasn't joking.
Tobias · Narrator: Murphybrown saw an armadillo, men held us up at gunpoint, and I got to dress up as an os... / It would be five minutes before he would realize she was no longer on the phone.
Ma Bark · Tobias · DeBrie: I guess you earned your shower. / Ugh. This thing does not breathe. / I'll tell you who doesn't bitch like that, your son. / I'll give you 500 bucks cash for this youngin' right now.
Tobias · Tobias's son · Ma Bark: My son is not for sale. / Thanks, Dad. / Then shower's off. There's your wife.
Tobias · DeBrie: You're missing some back teeth, there. / Yeah. Just like that.
Tobias: A first-class Lindsay Bluth impersonator. Now, let's go to Newport Beach, and you can be Lindsay there.
Tobias Character Comedy Absurdist Lucille: Well, you're no stranger to stuffing tissue places when you don't have the goods.
Lucille Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Callback Sally Sitwell: Speaking of which, where is that friendless son of yours, Buster?
Buster · Parade official: Is this because I accidentally choked Ron Howard? Because they already made me pay for that. / They chopped your hand off? / No, they just downgraded me to a manual.
Buster: What? You mean I'm in the parade? Are there dressing rooms for the talent?
Buster Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Narrator: Oh, well, at least Buster's being held. Which is more than he had as a child.
Narrator Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Callback Sally Sitwell: Sally wasn't that sweet after all. When this is all over, let's get coffee.
Tobias · Tobias's son: I will leave you here and what could be more exciting than to be backstage... ♪ At a parade? ♪
Tobias · Tobias's son: No. With the curb huggers? No. I meant, for one whose dream it is to be a clown. / Oh, yeah, 'cause he'd be, like, 'This is the one place where I'm not embarrassed of my dream.'
Tobias · Tobias's son: Hey, no. Never apologize for your dream. / No. I was-I was making fun of the guy. / What guy? / Whose dream... whose dream it is. / It's your dream.
Tobias's son · Tobias: Oh! That's because my uncle, he taught me that stuff, when he used to come over to cheer me up on Father's Day. / Robbie knows how to juggle? / Who's Robbie?
Tobias · Tobias's son: T-This is, uh, Relucto, the apprehensive clown. / No, I'm not, where do you... / There's the catchphrase.
Gob: Hey, how would you like to help me in a double-closet sexuality switch two-hander float illusion, no credit, no money? Oh, and you turn gay.
Gob Character Comedy Absurdist Callback Michael · Gob: I'll pass. / Yeah, that's what I thought of you.
Michael · Gob: Do you remember high school commencement, when they asked you to represent all the kids that were being left back, and then you had to quickly find a replacement for Buster who was too afraid to be sawed in half? So you're saying nothing's worse than the sound of the dog screaming?
Michael: No, I just meant you're not a very good magician.
Michael Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Gob · Buster: It's gonna involve you being put into a small, confined space, and you come out gay. / If that's a swipe about me being in prison, I understand it.
Gob Buster Misdirection Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Gob · Buster: Oh, right, you're in prison. What are you doing here? / Well, Mom arranged it. / Although, it is nice to be able to see family again, because, not to be rude, but you didn't visit me in... / Oh, there's a dog.
Lucille: Those last few teeth aren't going without a fight, are they?
Lucille Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Callback Narrator · Tobias: She was coming off a three-month run as Lindsay in front of a sold-out audience of one face blind man.
Tobias: The point is, if she can fool him, why not have her violate federal election guidelines by fooling the entire electorate as the next representative of the great 48th congressional district of Californ-i-ay?
Tobias Character Comedy Absurdist Narrator · Lucille: Upon a float where, unless she gives a perfect performance, she goes to jail for fraud. / Fine. You've left me no choice.
Lucille · DeBrie: Maybe if you turn away from the bleachers and cover your face with your hand... / I'm sure that's not the first time you've been told that. / Oh, God, no.
Tobias · DeBrie: DeBrie's internal struggle — not too shy, not shy. No... happy, good. Good, happy, not sad. Shy. Sad, shy. Sad...
Parade announcer: Welcome to the third annual 2nd of July Fourth of July parade.
Parade announcer: To start the festivities, please welcome the Milford Academy marching band, known throughout the state as California's quietest marching band. Let's all be perfectly still and see if we can hear them.
Lucille · Michael: There are cameras everywhere. / Well, that... something you ought to have thought of with regard to Lucille 2 and Oscar in Mexico.
Lucille · Michael: Do you have a tissue? / You haven't needed a tissue since Nixon resigned.
Lucille: I did three years in prison because of Buster. He can do a few weeks for me.
Lucille Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Joni · Parade announcer: I've just been given the signal. Uh, the band is finished playing. / Ah, well, that's terrific. I'm sure they were great. Let's give them all a big hand. / Oh, it might be too late for that. Looks like their van just pulled out.
Michael · Narrator: Michael unicycling as part of the parade to reach the D.A. — 'who had done some light unicycling in college'
Michael · Narrator: Although a less complicated plan emerged. / [Michael approaches D.A. and simply asks to parade alongside her]
Michael · D.A. Lottie Dottie: Michael joins the D.A.'s float: 'Do you mind if I just parade with you for, uh, just a minute?' D.A.: 'Oh, you must be Buster's brother. Hop in.'
D.A. · Michael: Oh, my God. This is so embarrassing. I mean, what can I do? How can I make this right? / You gotta release my brother from prison. / We did.
Michael · D.A.: You did? / I mean, it has to be processed out, but he wanted to be in a parade.
D.A.: I've injured a clown. You don't want to hurt a clown. So I'm gonna go back and I'm gonna help the clown.
D.A. Absurdist Deadpan/Understatement Parade announcer: Next up is a double-closet sexuality switch two-hander float illusion, brought to you by our friends at Laguna Closets.
Gob · Parade announcer: Hey, does anyone have a dog? I... No? Oh, forget it. So, I guess, happy 4th. Nah, well... Well, the magician seems to be just standing there, doing nothing. / Ah... you get used to it.
Tony Wonder · Gob · Parade announcer: Did somebody say... 'wonder'? / Tony? You sinner. / He's Gob, the Christian magician. And he's Tony Wonder, the hot gay one.
Gob · Tony Wonder: And as a Christian magician, I know that gay people can change. / And as the hot gay one, I know we can't, 'girlfriend.'
Gob · Tony Wonder: Kind of thought you weren't gonna show. / Hey, man, look. I know you're still upset. All right? I screwed up, okay? I know we were supposed to hang out and see each other on the Fourth of May and take Forget-Me-Nows and... I just chickened out, man. Plus, there wasn't a fourth of May this year.
Gob · Tony Wonder: Gob and Tony, inside their closets during the illusion, have a genuine emotional conversation. Tony: 'I just chickened out, man. Plus, there wasn't a fourth of May this year.' 'Crowd!'
Tony Wonder · Gob: No, it's, uh, tainting each other's brand, but same dif. / Dif. / Same. / Same dif. / But if this... / Oh, I thought you were gonna... You're gonna say one more? / Nah, it's okay. We don't have to always be in sync all of...
Gob · Tony Wonder: When you come sashaying out like Ms. Berry Zuckerkorn... / And you're as straight as Bob Loblaw at a high school prom. / I don't know who that is. / Oh, he's an attorney we were forced to use one year and he... I guess he likes them young.
Gob: All right. Well, this is an audience of people too stupid to get out of town on a holiday weekend. They're not gonna expect the thing to take a twist.
Gob Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Gob · Parade attendee: Who's straight now? / I wonder if my friend straightened out his act.
Parade announcer: Laguna Closet Conversion wants me to make it clear that, well, their conversion service is not what you think. They convert closets...
George Sr.: You know, it might be the last drop of the estrogen speaking, but I, uh... I lost the land in Mexico.
George Sr.: And they said, 'No refundo.' And they speak English. They're Mexican, but they are Romneys.
George Sr.: Do you have any idea how hard it is to find five open spaces on parade day?
Narrator · George Sr.: DeBrie on the float — fearful and self-conscious, hiding from the crowd, ironically embodying the person she was meant to impersonate. / She does capture Lindsay.
Parade announcer · Crowd: She wants to keep Muslims out of America? Or in? / Well, they're certainly getting a rise out of this crowd. / She's a Muslim. She's disrespecting Muslims. She's a ghost. She's disrespecting ghosts. / But equally hated by all.
Lucille · Narrator: We may just get away with this, George. / And George Michael arrived looking to finally be honest with his father.
George Michael: Well, I'm not proud of this, but we... we were wearing the Ron Howard/Brian Grazer wigs from the Imagine gift shop.
Michael · George Michael: What were you playing... Ron and Brian? / Go to Mexico. / Was the name of the game? / We were bored.
George Michael: Well, I knew it was a bad idea to spend my Imagine bucks on those wigs.
Michael · George Michael: Michael: 'Should I tell her that my son and my niece were playing Ron and Brian?' George Michael: 'Go to Mexico.' Michael: 'What's that?' George Michael: 'Ron and Brian Go to Mexico.' Michael: 'Was the name of the game?'
Michael · George Michael: I do think that we should make a one-time exception to the rule 'Always be straight with everyone,' hmm? I mean, honesty is always the best policy, but... / It's just not the only one. / It's one of a bunch.
Narrator: A plan that we've decided to present in the style to which it harkens back.
Narrator Meta/Self-Referential Running Gag ★ Rewatch Oscar · Narrator: The extended silent/stylized sequence depicting Oscar's parade plan — approximately 80 seconds of non-standard presentation
Maeby: I never even got the chance to tell him. It's over. I'm breaking up with you. Oh, and I need your keys.
Maeby Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Buster · Narrator: Buster, unaware that he has only a few days left in jail, is also unaware he's part of a prison break... / It's, uh, part of the act. / Oh. / Anything for the kids.
Parade announcer: It seems as if the Christian-y fellow is now a gay man, and by the looks of things, he'll be staying that way.
Sally Sitwell: It's called safety hair. Practically undetectable. They tell me John Travolta wears his even when it isn't hailing.
Sally Sitwell · Stan: No, you want to keep me safe, let's build that wall. Those Bluths are dangerous, I'm telling you. / Yeah, I guess they do have us by the short wigs.
Tobias · DeBrie: Help! Please! We need a doctor! It's an emergency. Hi. It's us again. Help! / Did you redo the floors here? / Help, we need a doctor. Oh! / It's okay. She's usually on pain pills.
Doctor · Tobias: Ugh. I'm gonna call it. Looks like she's been stiff for about 18 hours. / Oh, no, no. She's very much alive. She just crashed through a papier-mâché wall.
DeBrie · Tobias · Doctor: DeBrie: I'm under the impression that if you're carried in they put you immediately on the morphine drip? / That's what we've been told before. / We prioritize according to need. / Of course.
DeBrie · Tobias: Oh, bullshit you didn't redo these floors. They look amazing. / Help! / I got to stop coming out this way.
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