Michael attempts to have a one-night stand with an attorney whom he doesn't know is not only blind, but the prosecutor who is trying to put his father in jail. Also, Gob gets married on a dare, Maeby pretends to be a girl with a made up disease, and George Sr.'s admirer turns out to be an undercover SEC agent who has truly fallen for him.
Wedding chaos delivers 56 jokes in 22 minutes, mostly character-driven dark subversion.
Directed by Jay Chandrasekhar · Written by Barbie Adler
WAR
49.6
Wins Above Replacement
“Altar Egos” ranks #65 of 84 Arrested Development episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 78.8 — Elite. The episode packs 56 scored jokes at 2.1 per minute, averaging 6.9 on craft and 6.8 on impact, with Michael landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Narrator: In fact, Lucille's mother had been dead for six months.
Narrator Dark/Subversive Misdirection ★ Rewatch Lucille · Michael · Gob · Lindsay: Nana was on that yacht! What? You killed Nana! She's lying! She's been dead for six months. For about six months.
Tobias · White Power Bill: What I'm calling you... is a television actor. Ouch.
Lindsay · Michael: 55/55. Deal.
Michael: There's not gonna be any coeds. There certainly isn't gonna be any magic. It is a path to a lonely life where people mock you. And you don't even realize it.
Michael Irony/Sarcasm Observational ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 56 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Gob: I'm intercepting some telepathic energy... that's telling me it's the eight of diamonds. That's amazingly close. Gee, I got it wrong.
Gob Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Gob · George Michael: You know, it's a new trick, so I'm still kind of tweaking my nipples... The presentation was great.
Michael · Gob: You might wanna button that shirt up. No, I'm good.
Fan · Michael: Wow. He's amazing. He hasn't done it, and you're holding a four of spades in your hand.
Fan: I don't care. I'm loving the ride, you know?
Fan Absurdist Character Comedy Michael: There's not gonna be any coeds. There certainly isn't gonna be any magic. It is a path to a lonely life where people mock you. And you don't even realize it.
Michael Irony/Sarcasm Observational ★ Rewatch Gob: Michael, I'm a magi... I see what you did.
Gob Meta/Self-Referential Reaction Beat ★ Rewatch Callback Michael: We're not Orthodox.
Michael Wordplay/Pun Deadpan/Understatement Michael · Kitty: Kitty, isn't that your phone? No, I'm on the phone with your dad. That one's your line.
Michael · Kitty: Kitty, these are not the files I asked for. Oh, then I don't know what I shredded.
Kitty · Michael: No, I have been Googling your father. So I've heard.
Michael: She's been out for two weeks with this chest thing... but she's had no problems cashing the checks I've been sending her.
Michael Visual Gag Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Lindsay: Buster got a perforated heart and Gob got that receding hairline... but you and I pretty much dodged the bullet.
Lindsay Setup/Punchline Observational Lindsay · Michael: 55/55. Deal.
Tobias: I sold you for a pack of cigarettes.
Tobias Dark/Subversive Absurdist Tobias: There's only one man I've ever called 'coward'. That's Brian Doyle-Murray.
Tobias Absurdist Observational ★ Rewatch Tobias · White Power Bill: What I'm calling you... is a television actor. Ouch.
Narrator: A fact that took Lindsay and Maeby an hour and a half to ascertain.
Narrator Observational Deadpan/Understatement Lindsay · Maeby: Go! Go! It's not her! Drop the photo album! We're not in the photo album! Drop the pie!
Kitty · Michael: Much better. Man, I was really stuffed up there! Up here, Michael. Up here.
Kitty: having a margarita made in my mouth
Kitty · Michael: I work for your father. You don't have the hiring and firing power. I absolutely do, and you're fired.
Kitty: But take a good look, 'cause it's the last time!
Kitty Visual Gag Running Gag ★ Rewatch Michael: That's the seventh nipple I've seen today.
Michael Observational Deadpan/Understatement George Sr.: You don't fire crazy. You never fire crazy.
Michael: Oh, my God, you paid for those, didn't you?
George Sr.: Well, he's my twin brother. I can show you. It was funny.
George Sr. · Michael: Oh, God, there's nothing to hold on to down there. You're like a boy.
Narrator: Tobias had even produced a videotape... but its brief success was due to its misleading name.
Narrator Setup/Punchline Meta/Self-Referential ★ Rewatch Callback Lindsay · Annyong · Michael: You've got a little pocket there, Annyong. Annyong. That's not getting old.
Narrator: In fact, Lucille's mother had been dead for six months.
Narrator Dark/Subversive Misdirection ★ Rewatch Lucille: She gained 10 pounds... there's so much food on that boat. She's up to 74!
Lucille Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Lucille: Ninety-two years old, and she never tried pesto.
Lucille Dark/Subversive Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Callback Gob: If you'll be so kind as to expose your breast, please.
Gob: Don't worry. He's gonna be covered with a blue dot. He approached me.
Gob Absurdist Meta/Self-Referential Callback Michael: Wow, you get really girlie after, huh?
Michael Observational Character Comedy White Power Bill · Tobias: The Jews, I guess. Sure. But I think you need to look deeper.
White Power Bill · Tobias: I hate you! You hate White Power Bill. I hate the government! You hate White Power Bill. I hate my father!
Prisoners: Like Dorothy. The Wicked Witch is dead. All hail Dorothy!
Kitty: Who are you asking back, Michael? Me? Or these?
Michael: I've gotta get out of here. I'm a part of the story. I can't be a part of the story.
Michael Meta/Self-Referential Escalation Kitty: Say good-bye to these. 'Cause it's the last time.
Kitty Running Gag Visual Gag ★ Rewatch Callback George Michael · George Sr.: Talk you off? Talk you off what, Pop-Pop? When's that voice gonna drop?
George Michael: If I clean it up, it's not really a sentence.
Tobias: Call me the Tin Man. I'm a Friend of Dorothy's now.
Tobias Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Callback George Michael · Maeby: But if he makes it disappear, won't everyone see me standing there? Let's just sit quietly and consider how ridiculous that statement was.
Gob: None of your damn business. Get the hell out of here. You don't have the magic in you! You never did!
Gob Escalation Character Comedy ★ Rewatch George Sr. · Tobias: I bought you. Remember to let it steep for five minutes.
Tobias: So Frightened Inmate #2 isn't frightened at all. He's angry. He's a crabby old coot... and he needs love... just like everyone.
Tobias Character Comedy Meta/Self-Referential ★ Rewatch Callback Gob: I sunk it! I sunk the yacht! At least I think I sunk it. I mean, I blew it up, and I don't see it anywhere.
Gob Setup/Punchline Escalation Gob: $900,000 worth of insurance on it. And got rid of the evidence. How about a 'good job'?
Gob Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Lucille · Michael · Gob · Lindsay: Nana was on that yacht! What? You killed Nana! She's lying! She's been dead for six months. For about six months.
Lucille · Annyong: You can't have it. It's in a trust fund for Annyong. Annyong.
George Michael: Bluth Company. George Michael speaking, not Kitty.
George Michael: I don't need a real spring break. I really think I am much better off here alone in this office.
Police Officer: She showed her knobs in the steakhouse, sir.
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