Emotional Baggage

Michael · Barry:Michael accidentally bails out the family attorney instead of Buster

Barry · Michael:Barry asking 'Couldn't you embe... Borrow from your company?' and then suggesting George Michael's company

George Michael · Narrator:Narrator: 'George Michael had been looking for an opportunity to come clean about Fakeblock... But this wasn't it.'

Barry:Barry: 'You don't have the courtesy to wait until I'm disbarred?'

Barry:Barry: 'I was gonna use your divorce to pay off my peekaboo lawyer.'

Michael · Gob:Michael: 'What part of Mom is the fancy?' and 'Oh, God, the thought of your feet.'

Michael:Michael: 'I'm glad you have someone to talk to.' [then immediately] 'Well, maybe I'll go check on Buster.'

Michael:Michael: 'Mom really has him fancy-whipped, huh?'

Barry:Barry: 'Yeah, Lottie Dottie DA, my asshole.'

Barry · Michael:Barry asking whether the press blackout covers 'scripted' shows as well as reality — 'Why would there be a scripted about the family?'

Barry · Michael:Barry: 'Weren't you working on one with Ron Howard?' — the Ron Howard docuseries meta-reveal

Gob · Michael:Michael: 'Can't. Kitty hates me.' / Gob: 'First, you eat it with Buster, then you step in it with the movie, and now you're eating what you stepped in, because Kitty hates you.'

Gob · Michael:'Geo-bead' — Gob uses one of George Sr.'s made-up expressions meaning 'screw-up'

Gob · Michael:Gob: 'Would that be helpful if I did? Or am I just being a G-O-B?' / Michael's pause / Gob: 'G-O-B spells Gob, you geo-bead'

Gob:Gob: 'Would that be helpful if I did? Or am I just being a G-O-B?' — then realizing: 'G-O-B spells Gob, you geo-bead, so why don't you s... ah. Well, today's the day.'

Michael · Gob:Michael: 'Why are you even still here? Go find your wife.' / Gob: 'I don't know where she is.'

Maeby · George Michael:Maeby to George Michael: 'Why don't we make out again and teach them a lesson?'

George Michael · Maeby:George Michael: 'I can't, 'cause my dad's here, and he thinks I'm still dating Rebel.' / Maeby: 'And how would our making out teach them a lesson?' / George Michael: 'T-Teach Rebel a lesson. I meant, teach Rebel.'

George Michael · Maeby:George Michael's plan: ghost Rebel for two months, show up 'demanding sex,' she breaks up with him — but she was out of town and now thinks they're closer than ever

George Michael · Maeby:Maeby asking if George Michael is jealous of Murphybrown — George Michael saying 'I mean, the guy grew up not even knowing his father. If anything, I'm... jealous.' Then Maeby: 'Yeah, that... that is a great word for it.'

Michael · George Michael:Michael overhearing that Rebel doesn't want George Michael to meet her family — and then Michael's 'I failed the Ron test big-time' confession

Michael · George Michael:Michael: 'I also thought that he was... Her... Her lover? / George Michael: Boss.'

Michael · Ron Howard:Michael: 'No. No, well, I had a great role model.' / Ron: 'Aw, bless you.' / Michael: 'Yeah, I also had a...' / Ron: 'Well, bless you.'

Ron Howard · George Michael:Ron's advice: 'If you end up meeting that family, one good rule to follow is — do not bring Tobias.' / George Michael: 'Be myself.'

Ron Howard · George Michael:Ron Howard: 'Yes, be George Maharis, George Michael.'

Michael:Michael's confused internal monologue: 'I had to give her Buster. The movie couldn't be me and George Michael. We were both dating Rebel, and she didn't know that he was my son.'

Michael · Gob · Narrator:Gob's confession: 'Who were you dating?' / Michael: 'Julie Bowen!' — and the narrator reveals it was actually Tony Wonder

Narrator:Narrator: 'Tony Wonder, a man Gob had been longing to hear from ever since the gay magician poofed into his life, and then, just as quickly... Disa-poofed.'

Michael · Gob:Michael and Gob discussing whether it 'never made sense' that Rebel liked George Michael — each talking about themselves

Michael · Gob:Michael and Gob: 'The only mother figure he's ever had in his life was... Oh, it was Mom.' / 'Yeah... Huh, poor kid.' / 'I can't imagine.' / Pause / 'Wait, we had Mom.'

Narrator:Narrator: 'In a way, she was our mom.' / 'George Michael was seeking motherly advice from a cousin who'd been living as a grandma.'

Maeby · George Michael:Maeby (as elderly Annette) offers George Michael a lick of something — he recoils — she says 'Good, more for me'

Stan:Stan: 'If your grandson wasn't here, I'd probably take a peeky-weeky.'

George Michael · Maeby:George Michael's reaction to Maeby living with Stan: 'You're living with this guy?' / Maeby: 'Hey, my fake identity is none of your fake identity's business, okay?'

Maeby:Maeby's plan: show up to the Howard barbecue with pink hair to repel Ron Howard — 'I saw it on someone recently, and it made me want to puke. Trust me.'

Maeby · George Michael:George Michael's hair dye session: 'That's starting to tingle.' / Maeby: 'Let me know when it starts to burn.' / George Michael: 'It's gonna burn?' / Maeby: 'Did I not make that clear?' / 'Nobody said getting out of a relationship would be painless.'

George Michael · Maeby:George Michael: 'You should talk about getting out of a relationship. I think your friend Stan might be interested in you in a way that you don't want him to be interested.'

Maeby:Maeby: 'That would explain why he's offering to do my laundry... Well, whatever gets him to do my laundry, huh?'

Tobias:Tobias about his TV predator role: 'Technically, they had to call me Rock Monster... John Beard actually said I was one of the more popular predators, so whatever gets your name and weight out there.'

Tobias:Tobias to Murphybrown: 'I didn't ask, "What part of a dog do you want to touch?"'

Tobias · Murphybrown:Tobias: 'Let's try this in reverse. You're famous. What is the thing you do that makes everyone clap?' / Murphybrown: 'Ooh! Once I got claps for doing a juggling ball thing, 'cause I'd unicycle in Haiti when I was volunteering...' / Tobias: 'Yes! Clowning, yes! Now, you're dreaming.'

Tobias:Tobias: 'Well, perhaps we should juggle your priorities.'

Michael · Gob:Michael: 'I believe in you. You can do her.' / Gob's confused look / Michael: 'This. You can do this... to her.'

Kitty · Gob:Kitty to Gob: 'Well, aren't you a sight for sore eyes.' / Gob: 'I was gonna say, they look puffy and red.'

Michael · Kitty:Michael suggesting they 'get a room' so he can 'say hi to Ron' — and Kitty revealing Ron isn't in the office because of 'some family event'

Kitty · Gob:Kitty: 'How would you like to get inside of a LEM?' / Gob: 'If I could j... Um, Michael... I just... I can't do this.'

Gob · Michael:Gob: 'You can't make me touch her hair.' / Michael: 'I'm not gonna touch her hair.' — Michael coaching Gob by reassuring himself

Narrator:Narrator: 'George Maharis was ready to alienate his soon-to-be ex-girlfriend's family with a head full of Tobias Pink hair.'

Ron Howard · George Michael · Rebel:George Michael's hair turns out to be 'Howard Red' — matching Ron Howard's family hair color exactly

Ron Howard:Ron Howard: 'It's Howard Red. Cheryl, look at what this kid did. It's like our hair. Someone's come a-courtin'.'

Rebel · George Michael:Rebel: 'We Howards don't just laugh when things are funny. We laugh when we're happy. And when things are uncomfortable, too.' / George Michael: 'You mean, when bad reviews start rolling in?'

George Michael:George Michael: 'The company's gonna go under by next week. We're broke.' followed immediately by 'Guess I'm not exactly daddy's dream boyfriend, am I?'

Ron Howard · George Michael:Ron Howard: 'And in those early days, I can't tell you how many times I felt like a fraud. But I'll tell you a secret, everyone feels that way.'

George Michael · Ron Howard:George Michael's attempt to alienate Ron Howard by saying 'No, I don't like hot dogs' — followed by 'I love them.' — then everyone's delight

Narrator · Gob · Kitty:Narrator: 'Meanwhile, Gob was trying to get in the mood with Kitty.' / Visual: Gob in the space capsule LEM

Gob · Kitty:Gob and Kitty in the LEM: 'Hard to believe they used to put monkeys in these.' / Kitty: 'My guess? They wouldn't be able to figure out a lot of this stuff.' / Gob: 'Yeah. Monkeys are kind of dumb. I'd like to see one get out of here quickly in an emergency. They'd be all...' [performs monkey impression] 'I have to get out of here. Get me out of here.'

Gob · Michael:Gob seeing Michael's text 'Did you trick her into it yet?' and responding 'Trick her into what?'

Tony Wonder · Gob:Tony Wonder calling from inside a Tumi suitcase in baggage claim — 'My assistant's picking me up, unless she takes another gray Tumi by mistake, then I go to unclaimed. That's how we lost the Amazing Frederick.'

Gob · Tony Wonder:Gob: 'I would've claimed you.' / Tony: 'I'll bet.'

Tony Wonder · Gob:Tony: 'I'm the flamboyant gay magician. You're the super straight Christian magician. We'll taint each other's brand.'

Gob · Tony Wonder:Gob: 'I guess we're... different in the same way.' / Tony: 'Same, in a different way.' / [deteriorating into] 'Different, wifferent... In a same gay way? Wame.'

Gob:Gob: 'I better shut up and listen for "wonder."' [pause] 'Wait, so is this goodbye...'

Kitty:Kitty: 'How much did you hear?'

George Sr.:George Sr. at prison: 'This is where I ate a battery during my first week at recess. No, no, "yard." Don't call it recess.'

George Sr. · Prison Guard:Prison guard recognizing George Sr.: 'I've never seen you in street clothes.' / George Sr.: 'Duck?' / Guard: 'I almost didn't recognize you without the flashlight in your mouth.'

George Sr. · Buster:George Sr. gives Buster prison survival advice: 'Skinhead gets in your face, you charge back at him. You pop him fast.' / Buster: 'That one there's been giving me looks.' / George Sr.: 'No. That's not a skinhead. That's a guard. You charge at a guard, they'll kill you.'

George Sr. · Buster:George Sr.: 'I can't satisfy her.' / Buster: 'Really? It's so easy.' / George Sr.: 'No, I mean, we are no longer together.'

George Sr.:George Sr.: 'She has found someone new. She's found a younger man. Sort of a son with benefits.'

Buster:Buster: 'They said that I'd lose my old lady, and I said, "Not mother!" "She'll wait for me!"'

George Sr. · Buster:George Sr.: 'The thought of her singing to him goodnight. I can't take it. I can't take it.' / Buster: 'I know. I know.' — both men united in grief over Lucille

Prison Guard · George Sr. · Buster:Prison guard: 'No touching.' — interrupting George Sr. and Buster's emotional moment

George Sr. · Prison Guard:George Sr. decides to deal with his misery by having someone 'put him out of his misery' — reveals it's just hugging the prison guard 'Duck'

George Michael · Rebel:George Michael arrives at Howard barbecue: 'Your dad is so nice.' / Rebel: 'It's been his job since he was two.'

George Michael · Rebel:Rebel and George Michael bonding: 'Sometimes, you want to look in your parents' perfect, sweet, kind faces, and tell them off.' / George Michael: 'Punch them.' / Rebel: 'Why would you say that?' / George Michael: 'No, no, I... That... I don't feel that way, but certain kids do.'

Rebel · George Michael:Rebel offers to loan George Michael bail money, calling it a 'bailout' — George Michael's eyes light up

Rebel · George Michael:Rebel after kissing George Michael: 'It's like kissing your cousin. Ugh.' / George Michael: 'Ew. Okay. Gross, okay. Got it.'

Stan · Maeby:Stan tells 'Annette' (Maeby): 'I see the real you: a special, wonderful, unique, 67-year-old woman who amazes me every day. It would be my pleasure to be the man in your life that your father never was.'

Maeby:Maeby (moved by Stan's paternal speech): 'Bury me.'

Tobias · Murphybrown:Tobias and Murphybrown in the desert: 'Is that her? Is that Lindsay?' — pointing at 'a sickly cactus with a plastic bag on it'

Tobias · Murphybrown:Tobias: 'I suppose it's true. The desert makes one see what one wants to see.' / Murphybrown: 'Is that two barrel-chested, strapping men on horseback approaching us?'

Tobias · Murphybrown:Tobias claims to be George Bluth on the disputed land — 'I'm the last guy you want to kick off of your la... his land... my land.' / Murphybrown: 'Our land.'

Tobias · Murphybrown:Tobias (as George Bluth): 'Well, how about I just... use my son Michael as a signing surface? / Get up.' / Murphybrown: 'Okay.'

Michael · Ron Howard:Michael crashes the Howard barbecue and finds Ron — 'Prayer hands.' Ron: 'Yeah. Listen, a lot of stuff has changed with the family.' Ron: 'Oh, has it gotten out?'

Ron Howard:Ron Howard: 'You know I'm as straight as they come, I just got a lot on my mind right now with work, slash, am I gay, slash, Buster's in jail.'

Michael:Michael tells Ron Howard that Buster might have killed someone 'with his robot hand' — then immediately says 'it's hush-hush'

Ron Howard:Ron Howard on Rebel: 'She's no Bryce, but she's like a robot. Gives the exact same performance every take. Real time-saver.'

Reed Howard · Ron Howard · Michael:Ron Howard's son Reed: 'My dad knows how to read.' / Michael: 'I see why you named him Reed. He seems smart.'

Ron Howard · Michael · Jocelyn:Ron calls for scripts — assistant says 'Streaming contracts, cable or broadcast?' / Ron: 'A streamer!' / Michael: 'No residuals.' — rapid-fire industry lingo as absurdist detail

Ron Howard · Reed Howard · Michael:Ron Howard's son Reed: 'Also, can you start the music?' / Ron: 'I don't know how to, Reed.' / Michael: 'I must've heard that. I must've heard that. Right? Sure. That, uh... so you get... Do you get the scripts read to you?'

Ron Howard · Reed Howard · Michael:Michael meets Reed: 'This is my son, Reed.' / Reed: 'My dad knows how to read.' / Michael: 'Yes. Nice to meet you. Uh, yeah. Whenever. I see why you named him Reed. He seems smart.'

Ron Howard:Ron Howard: 'Hey, thanks for sneaking in.'

Michael · Bryce Howard:Michael runs into Bryce Howard and mistakes her for Rebel — 'I'm sorry, but I just can't, Reed.' / 'Oh, talking to your brother Reed. I get it.' / Bryce: 'I'm sorry, who are you?' / Michael: 'I'm avoiding the three-legged race.'

Bryce Howard · Michael:Bryce Howard about Rebel and George Michael: 'Listen, you dodged a bullet. She's a user. She's got a new guy. And she's using him. Yeah. And I'm pretty sure it's not for his body.'

Michael:Michael defending George Michael's body to Bryce: 'I don't know the guy, but I saw a picture. I think he's got a great build. You know? Um, he's wiry. You wouldn't want him to be taller. I like the young man's body. Okay? I do.'

Bryce Howard · Michael:Bryce: 'Still, such a kiss-up. He's even dyed his hair Dallas Howard Red.' / Michael's horror / Bryce: 'But you're not supposed to leave it in that long. Look at him. Ugh. He looks like a jack-o'-lantern.'

Bryce Howard · Michael:Michael tries to exit: 'I don't want the user to create a dramatic scene.' / Bryce: 'No. Don't worry about that. I have seen her get laughs doing The Glass Menagerie.'

Bryce Dallas Howard:Bryce: 'I have seen her get laughs doing The Glass Menagerie.'

Rance Howard · Michael:Rance Howard (Ron's elderly father): 'I thought you worked here.' / working the valet while keeping an eye on his son

Rance Howard · Ron Howard:Rance Howard: 'Hoax!' — about climate change, delivered cheerfully

Michael · Ron Howard:Michael decides to go forward with the docuseries so he can 'keep an eye on the woman who might be using his son' — by putting her in the show

Ron Howard · Michael:Ron Howard enthusiastically planning the jailhouse interview: 'Nice low-angle shot for the close-up... Oh, a wide shot. Tell it in one image.' / Michael: 'Yes, a wide shot.' / Ron: 'Wide shot.'

Lucille:Lucille: 'We said no leaks, and now we're streaming over everyone?'

Lucille · Michael:Lucille: 'They'll drop the charges quicker than you can blink your...' / Michael: 'Initiate, at least, the blinking of the eyes. The opening of the eyes is, uh, a bit of a guestimate lately.'

Lucille · Michael · Narrator:Lucille: 'And what if Buster chokes?' / Michael: 'I guess that's what Ron's for.' / Narrator: 'That would prove to be a very... No, you'll see on the next "On the Next."'

Buster · Ron Howard:'On the Next' segment: Ron Howard interviews Buster in jail — Buster remembers George Sr.'s advice and charges at a 'skinhead' who is actually the camera operator

Maeby · Stan:'On the Next': Maeby and Stan looking at a photo of themselves together — Stan: 'Look how happy they look together. Just like us.' / Maeby: 'Until this happens.' — ending on a freeze frame of apparent disaster