In an effort to get to the bottom of things, Michael tracks Nellie down and hires her as a consultant for the Bluth Co. Unfortunately, Michael discovers Nellie's hands-on approach is more than he bargained for.
Wordplay and character comedy sustain 91-point episode with 1.79 jokes-per-minute density.
Directed by Robert Berlinger · Written by Ron Weiner
WAR
79.6
Wins Above Replacement
“Family Ties” ranks #4 of 84 Arrested Development episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 91.1 — Elite. The episode packs 52 scored jokes at 1.8 per minute, averaging 7.7 on craft and 7.4 on impact, with Michael landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Michael: No, you'd just, you'd go out and you'd just whore it up, Lindsay, you know? Now she's different.
Michael Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael: Franklin is Frank? / Mr. F.
Michael Callback Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Callback George Sr.: She's my prostitute. / But sex wasn't one of them. I just want my brother to envy my money, but he's got that hair.
Lindsay · Tobias: Oh, you know what? I've already prepared a list of 'won'ts.' / Oh, you're not going to believe this. My list of 'can'ts.'
Narrator: Most prostitutes are.
All Jokes — 52 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Michael: Wow! Look at the beak on that bird.
Michael Observational Character Comedy Michael: A deformed neighbor or... A child that Mom and Dad gave up for some reason, and whose identity they're now using to pin their crimes on.
Michael Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael: Yeah, but that was retard... misguided.
Michael Character Comedy Awkward Silence Callback Tobias: Oh, there's the woman I'm sexually attracted to.
Tobias Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Tobias: Yes. Lindsay and I are planning a night of heterosexual intercourse.
Tobias Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Michael: You can just say intercourse.
Michael Reaction Beat Deadpan/Understatement Tobias: I tried that. It didn't work either.
Tobias Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Lindsay · Tobias: Oh, you know what? I've already prepared a list of 'won'ts.' / Oh, you're not going to believe this. My list of 'can'ts.'
George Michael: We're married?
Narrator: as real and binding as the rice pudding the disoriented patients had thrown at them
B.A. Baracus: Oh, please. Pity the fool who gives me a bunch of jibber-jabber about romance.
Gob: I mean, if someone was always asking you to embrace the Holy Trinity, what would you think they meant?
Gob Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Narrator: Gob thought it meant a three-way.
Gob: Sister? Uh... No, I don't. Not really... ringing any bells. Other than Lindsay, of course. Oh! Lindsay!
Gob Character Comedy Reaction Beat Lucille: Oh, Lindsay and Tobias never visit. / Oh, we're so bad!
Lucille Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Lucille: You call him that, too? It's so nice to be able to talk like this.
George Sr.: Think of it as a giant delete key.
George Sr.: Oh, well, excuse me, Judge Reinhold, but I am trying to protect my family.
George Sr.: Well, it wasn't really your 50th birthday.
George Sr.: It's costing us a fortune. He's sleeping us dry.
Nurse: I wish you would say something. Of course, if you did, everything would be ruined 'cause you wouldn't be as pure.
Nurse Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Lucille: Just the one who married Lindsay. / Oh, it isn't fun to talk like this?
Lucille Character Comedy Running Gag Callback Michael · Tom: Like Tom here. / I'm 30. / You're kidding me!
Tobias: K-Y Pro, huh? Hey, don't get any moisture on these bab... Hey.
Tobias: Yeah, well, we were probably all so jacked up on amyl and disco music, we didn't notice.
Tobias Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Tobias · Michael: I was hoping to have a jaw session with you. / Well, why don't we just say--as long as that means a talk.
Tobias · Michael: Michael. / Can you believe it? / You're married to my sister. / Don't you think I know that?!
Tobias: No, no, did you think you were the Michael I was talking about? / Interesting that your mind went there, though.
Tobias Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Tobias: I'm afraid the Michael I'm talking about is all lady.
Tobias Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Tobias: Wise words, Boy Michael.
Tobias Character Comedy Absurdist Michael: Hey, coulda, shoulda, woulda. Hey, hey. No, no. Ooh, look, number's up.
Michael Reaction Beat Physical/Slapstick Representative Van Heusen: I believe death is wrong in all of its forms. Except lethal injection, but that's just as a deterrent against more death.
Representative Van Heusen: That is unless, of course, it's as a penalty in a three-strike scenario.
Michael: She grew into the nose.
Michael Callback Observational Callback Narrator: Most prostitutes are.
Nellie: Well, I was buried in loan debt from business school, so I started whoring myself out.
Nellie Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Nellie: I do all sorts of scenes.
Nellie: The extensive bleeped-out list of sexual won'ts
George Michael: I bought you a wedding ring... tone.
Michael · Lindsay: Nellie has blown them all away. / Yeah, well, I think it's crazy. / You forgot to say 'away' again.
Michael: No, you'd just, you'd go out and you'd just whore it up, Lindsay, you know? Now she's different.
Michael Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael · Lindsay: It's like we finish each other's... / Sandwiches? / Sentences. / Why would I say...? / Sandwiches? / That time I was going to say sandwiches.
Lindsay: Well, excuse me, Judge Reinhold, but I'm feeling a little pressure here.
Lindsay Callback Character Comedy Callback Nellie · Michael: Let's face it. There's no denying that there's a heat between us. / I'd like to deny that.
Michael: Franklin is Frank? / Mr. F.
Michael Callback Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Callback Franklin: I ain't so little when I take my pants off, lady.
Gob: No, I think that's going to be something big.
Gob Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Girl Michael: I just assumed you wanted a Holy Trinity.
George Sr.: She's my prostitute. / But sex wasn't one of them. I just want my brother to envy my money, but he's got that hair.
George Sr.: She's a prostitute! That's her job!
Nellie · Michael: I make 300 grand a year. / Marry me.
Nellie: It's weird on so many levels.
Nellie Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Top Episodes — Arrested Development
