Motherboy Xxx

Lucille · Michael · Narrator:Lucille is already dressed, made up and waiting for Michael at an ungodly hour — narrator notes 'which put her wake-up time in the 3:00, 3:30 area'

Narrator:'As one entered sexual maturity, and the other one left it, it became harder to win.'

Lucille · Michael:'I'm so hot.' / 'If you were hot, Mother, we would win.'

Lucille:'It's not just Motherboy. It's Motherboy XXX!'

Michael · Lucille · Narrator:Michael: 'That could have something to do with the fact that a seal ate his hand.' / Lucille: 'I don't know what it is.' / Michael: 'I think that's what it is.' / Lucille: 'Who knows?' / Narrator: 'It was that.'

Buster:Buster seeing reminders of the accident everywhere — gasping and screaming at innocuous objects — visual gag montage

Buster:Buster: 'Mother, I can't sleep. I may not be able to go to dance practice today.'

Michael:'I mean, look how he zips now.'

Narrator · George Sr. · Bluth Children:The Bluth children had been uneasy about missing limbs since their father used a one-armed man to teach them lessons. ['That's why you don't yell.'] / [All Whimpering]

Lindsay · Michael · Lucille:Lindsay: 'I'm so glad there wasn't one of those for daddies and daughters.' / Michael: 'Of course they have father-daughter dances.' / Lindsay: 'They do? He never took me?' / Lucille: 'It was before we did your nose. Toodle-oo.'

Michael · Lindsay:'You're up awful early.' / 'Well, my marriage is falling apart. Tobias is back with Carl.'

Tobias · Narrator:Tobias's vanity plate for being cast as 'Frightened Inmate Number Two' — and the narrator notes 'this wasn't the first time'

George Sr. · Narrator:George Sr. is secretly living in the attic — narrator reveals this while George Sr. tries to be friendly to passing family members: 'Nellie. Now — who wants to take their top off?'

George Sr.:'Hey, there's booze in this.' (about the 'Promise Land' canteen Ann has given George Michael)

George Sr.:'That's the Promise Land that Ann's taking you to? You're gonna need this more than Polly here.'

George Sr.:'I had to take all pumps out of here a long time ago.'

George Sr.:George Sr. preaches against fidelity and pledging yourself to a woman: 'I wine 'em and dine 'em, but I don't let 'em tell me what to do. I don't... let 'em tell me... what to do.'

George Sr.:'Okay, I should've never taken the pumps out of here.'

Michael:Michael says 'I respect my son's choices' and immediately follows with 'George Michael, I don't think you should be going on this Promise Land thing.'

George Michael · Michael · Maeby · Narrator:George Michael: 'What? Why? Because I'd miss school?' / Michael: 'No.' / George Michael: 'You get to miss school for that?' / Narrator: 'And that's when Maeby decided to become a devout Christian.'

Maeby · Michael:Maeby: 'Do you guys know where I could get one of those gold necklaces with the "T" on it?' / Michael: 'That's a cross.' / Maeby: 'Across from where?'

Gob · Narrator:Gob had once gotten married on a dare — a fact he'd only remembered when he was served with divorce papers.

Gob · Michael:'What about her cans? She have big cans?' / 'You don't remember her at all?' / 'It was one night of wild passion.' / 'And yet you didn't notice her body.' / 'I like to look in the mirror.'

Michael · Gob · Narrator:'That would be disgusting if you'd actually slept with her, but I don't think you did.' / 'I did! And it was disgusting.' / Narrator: 'They didn't, but it would have been.'

Gob:'And that's not even including Buster's Swatch.'

Barry:Barry: 'The seal? Must've had a tracking device on it. Someone tracked it all the way to a dock in Dana Point.'

Gob:'At the very least, we can get Buster's Swatch back, right? Up top. No?'

Carl Weathers · Tobias:Carl Weathers to Tobias at Burger King: 'Thanks for meeting me down here at Burger King. I'm tryin' to get them to underwrite a new TV project I'm workin' on. Get some money in exchange for settin' a scene here in Burger King. As long as you don't draw attention to it.'

Tobias · Carl Weathers:Tobias: 'I could not betray my family like that.' / Carl: 'Come on, man. I've got every part cast except for George Sr.' / Tobias: 'I want that part.' / Carl: 'Then sign over the rights.'

Carl Weathers · Narrator:Carl Weathers: 'Did you know that you can get a refill on any drink you want here, and it's free?' / [Laughs] / Narrator [chuckling]: 'It sure is.'

George Michael · Buster:George Michael playing checkers with Buster — 'King me.' / [Gasps] / 'Oh, God! I keep forgetting about this.'

Lucille · Buster · George Michael:George Michael asks if Buster offered a bowl of soup; Lucille asks 'Can it open a can?' — referring to Buster's hook — and both Buster and Lucille react with horror: 'Oh, God!'

Lucille:'Aren't you the sweetest thing, spending some time with what's left of your uncle.'

Lucille:'Aren't you the sweetest thing, spending some time with what's left of your uncle.'

George Michael · Lucille · Narrator:George Michael dressed in a sailor suit by Lucille — who claimed they were going to the Promise Land — being taken to Motherboy instead

Narrator:Narrator: 'No, he was going south.' / [pause] / 'South to Motherboy.'

Gob · Michael · Buster:Buster arrives at the dock by crashing through the car window — Gob: 'Or we could make sure it's the right seal first? I mean, why get his hopes up?'

Buster · Michael · Gob:Buster enters with his hook: 'I really hate this stupid hook. But I certainly can't walk around like this.' / Michael/Gob: 'Why not? / Very handsome.'

Gob:Gob says there's no room for Buster in the car: 'There's not enough room for you and me and the stump and the thing- stuff. Barry!'

Tobias · George Sr.:Tobias practicing his George Sr. voice in the attic: '[Low] I'm George Sr.' / George Sr. appears: 'That's not my voice.'

George Sr.:George Sr.: 'I'm havin' a [bleep] tea party. What does it look like? I live here.'

George Sr.:George Sr.: 'Stop licking my hand, you horse's ass.' [to the parrot]

George Sr. · Tobias:George Sr.'s condition for Tobias playing him: 'If you play me, you gotta play me like a man and not some mincing little Polly or Nellie.' / 'I get those names confused. Apologies. Apologies all around.'

Buster:Buster: 'I would love to be able to say "Look what I've had reattached while you and George Michael were off to Motherboy."'

Buster:'He couldn't wait to swoop in and throw on that sailor suit, because he's not damaged goods.'

Barry · Gob:Barry reveals the tracking device led to a shark, not the seal — 'the shark must've bitten off the part of the seal with the tracking device on it' — and Gob observes: 'So the seal lost his hand too.'

Barry:'Yeah, poor guy's probably out there without a flipper, swimming around in a circle, freaking out his whole family.'

Barry · Gob · Michael:'That tracking device tells me he was raised in captivity. There's no way he stood a chance out in the real world.' / 'See that? He was a victim too.' / 'You both were too sheltered to learn how to protect yourselves.'

Gob:Gob: 'And I've got to staple this to a seal. And I've skipped breakfast, so I'm off to Burger King.'

Lucille:Lucille arrives at the hotel and sees someone else in the exact same color outfit: 'Oh — [bleep] me. The exact same color.' / 'What are the odds?'

Lucille · George Michael:'You think enough time has passed to do Sonny and Cher?' / 'We're here for Motherboy.' / 'And you do realize this is not the band.'

Lucille:The room is put under the name 'Karmopolis.'

Tobias · Lindsay:Tobias (as George Sr.) slaps a jar out of Lindsay's hand: 'You don't need the calories.'

Lindsay · Ann:Lindsay whispering to herself: 'This isn't working.' / Then to Ann: 'Is it my imagination, or is he more commanding and mannish? It's like — I don't know. Maybe I do want to be with him.'

Ann · Lindsay:Ann advises Lindsay to go to Tobias: 'For as it is written, you shall be with whom you have formed a more perfect union with under God.' / Lindsay: '[Laughs] She's right.'

Tobias:Tobias (still in George Sr. mode) rejects Lindsay: 'This isn't working.' / 'I'm sorry. You've got the wrong Motherboy.'

Michael · Buster:Michael asks if Lucille Bluth checked in; the desk clerk says no — Michael: 'She knows you're after her.' / Buster: 'She does?'

Michael · Buster · Random Boy:Michael and Buster mistake another mother-son pair in matching outfits and try to rescue the boy: 'Take me with you! No, please! Please!' / 'It's the wrong child.'

Buster:Buster explains Lucille's changing behavior: 'Whenever she changed clothes, she made me wait on the balcony until zip-up.' / 'And yet, anything goes at bath time.'

Buster:Buster: '...And yet, anything goes at bath time.' [Chuckles]

Barry:Barry to Gob: 'Your job is to convince that "wife" of yours...' — he uses air quotes around 'wife'

Gob:Gob: 'She has a name, Barry. You don't happen to know what it is by the way, do you?'

Barry:Barry: 'That's why I want to settle. I'm not super prepared.'

Gob · Narrator:Gob: 'Well, we did have sex. And I'm not a great liar.' / Narrator: 'Both things he just said were lies.'

Barry · Gob:Barry: 'And you don't want to go in front of that judge. I caught him in a drag club.' / Gob: 'What were you doin' there?' / Barry: 'Wow. You should be the lawyer.'

Michael · Narrator:Michael spots a 'very bored-looking little Sonny Bono on that balcony' — meaning George Michael in the sailor suit variant.

Buster · Michael:Buster: 'I have an idea. It is time I used something I trained for in army, but I never got a chance to do.' / Michael: 'You cannot zip-line over there!'

Buster:'Either I zip down or he zips up! And that is a mighty long zipper on Mother's Cher jumpsuit. You have to get on your knees to start it.'

Buster · Lucille:Buster zip-lines across the hotel gap, screaming — crashes — and Lucille immediately calls 'Zip me up.' from offscreen

Dave Attell (character) · Tobias:'Then what the hell am I wearin' these for? Look at that.' / [Tobias appears to be wearing cutoffs under his pants] / Tobias: 'It's a thing. There's dozens of us.'

Dave Attell (character):'If that man's straight, then I am sober.'

Gob · Gob's Wife:'Hi. Um, I'm waiting for "Gawb" Bluth.' / 'I'm Gob Bluth. My wife send you?' / 'I'm your wife.' / 'I knew that.' / 'Nice to see you again, Usarmy.'

Tobias:Tobias: 'Did I get lines? God! They told me I was just jumping onto a moving stair car.'

Gob:'You lost a lot of weight in Iraq, especially up in the northern region.'

Gob:Gob: 'You lost a lot of weight in Iraq, especially up in the northern region.'

Gob · Gob's Wife:Gob: 'As far as I'm concerned, we were never even married.' / Wife: 'Maybe I'll just say that we never sealed the deal.' / Gob: 'You're willing to admit that?' / Wife: 'Lie about it? Yes.'

Gob's Wife · Gob:'Wow. I mis-underestimated you. You've got some courage. Makes me wonder what I'm missing.' / Gob: 'You mean, other than your cans?' / Wife: 'No. They're still here.'

Gob · Wife:Gob: 'You mean, other than your cans?' / Wife: 'No. They're still here.'

Narrator:Narrator: 'And so Gob set about consummating the marriage he'd finally agreed to claim he hadn't.'

Lucille · Narrator:'And back at Motherboy XXX, Lucille was finding her new partner an asset.' / Lucille to the judges: 'Is this your son?' / Lucille: 'No, I'm his grandmother. He's an orphan.'

George Michael:George Michael: 'I'm not an orphan. I have a dad.'

Lucille:Lucille to George Michael after the judges leave: 'Well, that little bit of honesty helped nothing. You'd better bring it to the waltz, young man.'

Buster:Buster: 'Gypsies.' [seeing Lucille and George Michael in gypsy costumes]

Michael · Buster · Narrator:Michael: 'I create a diversion, and you grab George Michael and go. We need a name.' / Buster: 'Maybe "Operation Hot Mother."' / Narrator: 'No, let's try to top that.' / Narrator: 'They never did.'

Buster · MC:Buster gets his hook caught on a sandbag during Operation Hot Mother and is hoisted into the air, whimpering, while the Motherboy announcer covers: 'Our curtain seems to be stuck. We're going to do some freestyle waltzing while we get it fixed.'

George Michael:George Michael to Michael: 'They haven't served dinner yet.'

Emcee:'All right, Motherboys. Our curtain seems to be stuck. We're going to do some freestyle waltzing while we get it fixed.'

Michael · Buster:Michael to Buster: 'I thought that you would be a little different, but you're not. I was wrong, okay? I'm sorry. You know, you're as good a brother as you ever were.'

Buster:Buster, moved: '[Groaning] Thank you.' / 'I am no different. I am the same old Motherboy.'

Buster:Buster announces: 'Boys' choice? That is, if you're not embarrassed to take my hook.'

Buster · George Michael:Buster: 'Boys' choice? That is, if you're not embarrassed to take my hook.' — leading George Michael in a waltz

Michael:'I'm Peter Pan, and you're Captain Hook. We'll pretend it's a costume. Let's dance.'

Michael · Buster · George Michael · Narrator:Michael, Buster, and George Michael arrive at the Promise Land — Buster holds a 'Saddest' trophy

Michael · Buster:Michael: 'That was a very competitive category.' / Buster: 'Oh, don't I know it.'

Buster:Buster can't get out of the car: 'I can't get out, actually.'

Lindsay · Tobias:'On the next Arrested Development' tag: Lindsay: 'I have never been more attracted to you.' / Tobias: 'Wow. The service sent you over fast.' / Lindsay: 'Oh, God. I'm so sorry. I'm in the wrong trailer.'

Gob · Barry · Judge:Gob's 'lucky break' in the 'on the next': Judge looks at compromising photo and says 'There's no way to tell who this man is.' / Then Gob: 'That's me, Your Honor. I — [bleep] my wife.' / Barry: 'We really lost this case.'

Maeby · Buster · Narrator:Maeby tells a campfire horror story: 'Knock, scrape. The only thing more terrifying than the escaped lunatic's hook was his twisted call!' / Buster appears: 'Hey, campers.' / Kids scream. / 'I'm a monster!'