Beef Consommé

Narrator · Michael Bluth:Narrator explains Michael confronted Marta over 'Hermano' not knowing it means 'brother' — the cold open recap lands as an absurd dramatic irony

George Sr.:George Sr.: 'You know, maybe I should confess these crimes, save everybody the trouble.'

Lucille Bluth:Lucille: 'Oh, get off the mount.'

Gob Bluth:Gob: 'You're a good guy, mon frère. That means brother in French. I don't know why I know that. I took four years of Spanish.'

Marta · Michael Bluth:Marta: 'I also like your hair and your face and your breasts.' then 'You're so unlike your brother. Gob is like the cock of the walk.'

Marta · Michael Bluth:Michael: 'You're sensitive, like a woman.' Marta: 'That's enough.'

Marta · Michael Bluth:Marta: 'Is that Gob?' about loud, aggressive music playing. 'He likes to make love to this.'

Michael Bluth · Marta:Michael finds Gob's magic wand amid Marta's things. 'Gob's wand. Oh, this is so wrong.'

Michael Bluth · Marta:Michael: 'No, no, no. Not-Not-Not... Not... Not hot wrong. You know, regular wrong.'

Michael Bluth:Michael negotiates the logistics of betraying Gob in the most structured, project-managed way possible: 'You do the noble thing... I'm gonna do the noble thing... While I'm doing my noble thing you could put those photos in a box, get rid of the wand...'

Lindsay Bluth Fünke · Tobias Fünke:Lindsay: 'I'm saying every time something starts to go well for you, you blow it.' Tobias: 'Nothing has ever gone well for me.' Lindsay: 'That's my point, you handsome cowboy, you.'

Tobias Fünke:Tobias: 'you selfish, country-music-loving lady'

Maeby Fünke:Maeby: 'Nice cover. Why don't you two just get a divorce and save us all a lot of grief?'

Tobias Fünke · George Michael Bluth:Tobias: 'And then, of course, we couldn't conceive, so there was that famous ordeal.' George Michael asks if Maeby was adopted.

Narrator:Narrator: 'George Michael never got an answer. It's Carl Weathers.'

George Michael Bluth · Maeby Fünke:George Michael asks Maeby about pregnancy photos; Maeby: 'Don't talk to me about my mom. She's crazy. Both of them are. Sometimes I wish we weren't even related.' George Michael: 'Hey, you know, maybe we're not.'

George Michael Bluth:George Michael: 'Maybe we're not a family. And maybe that's very, very right.'

Gob Bluth:Gob: 'Oh, yeah. [Aunt Lindsay was pregnant] dozens of times.'

Gob Bluth · Michael Bluth:Gob: 'Tell you what, you may not be good with women, but you are great with other people's women. I'll give you that.'

Gob Bluth:Gob: 'For all I know, she's calling to break up with me. I don't answer the phone, that doesn't happen.'

Gob Bluth:Gob: 'And it's all because of you, fratello. That's Italian for brother.'

Gob Bluth:Gob: 'Now all I gotta do is find this Hermano guy. I'm gonna kill him.'

Gob Bluth · Buster Bluth:Gob greets Buster as 'Busty' — Buster responds to 'Brother' — Gob corrects to 'Buster'

Gob Bluth:Gob: 'There never is [a need for violence]. I'd like to think that we're all intelligent, mature adults....' immediately followed by 'Yeah, well, I let my fists do the talking. Not this one, 'cause obviously I need it for coin tricks and stuff. But this one, I let it speak for both of them.'

Michael Bluth · Buster Bluth · Gob Bluth:Michael: 'Mom always taught us to curl up in a ball and remain motionless when confronted.' Buster: 'That's what I did in high school when I almost got into a fight.' Gob: 'I think that was about being attacked by bears.'

Buster Bluth:Buster narrates his high school near-fight: 'Hey, rich kid. Gimme your lunch money.' — clearly the entire threat, which Buster met with bear-defense posture

Gob Bluth · Buster Bluth:Gob: 'You'd be a much bigger ball.' (responding to Buster wondering what it'd be like to get into a fight today)

Buster Bluth:Buster: 'I want to dance. I want to make love to a woman. I want to get a checking account. I want to know what it feels like to get my face socked in.'

Michael Bluth · Gob Bluth · Lucille Bluth:Michael answers the phone despite Gob screaming not to, then: 'Hello? — Oh, hi, Mom.' Gob: 'I'm not here.'

Michael Bluth · Barry Zuckerkorn:Michael: 'It's an arraignment. They just read the charges and we look like a loving family for, like, six minutes.' Barry: 'Ten minutes.' Michael: 'We couldn't get that down, huh?'

Tobias:Tobias: 'Let's see if they've beefed up my part. I got three lines!'

Tobias Fünke · George Michael Bluth:Tobias attempts to explain where babies come from to George Michael and takes nearly 20 seconds of 'um...' and 'uh...' before getting to 'when a man needs to prove to a woman that he's actually...'

George Michael Bluth · Tobias Fünke:George Michael: 'I'm gonna stop you. I know where you're running.' Tobias: 'Oh, well, that's good, 'cause it was about to get a little, ick, gross.'

George Michael Bluth · Tobias Fünke:George Michael: 'I meant specifically with Maeby.' Tobias: 'Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. This isn't right.'

Narrator · Tobias Fünke:Narrator: 'Tobias was a never-nude, which is exactly what it sounds like.'

Tobias Fünke · George Michael Bluth:Tobias: 'What... What do you think I wear these for?' — referring to cutoff jean shorts (jorts) he wears at all times, including presumably in the shower

George Michael:George Michael: 'I was never actually clear on that.' — responding to why Tobias always wears cutoffs

Gob Bluth · Michael Bluth:Michael tells Gob he'd like 'a crack at' Marta; Gob: 'Right, right. Sounds great. Go for it, buddy. But you know that she's kind of used to being with me, right? So it'd be sort of like going from prime rib to... I don't know... weird brother of prime rib.'

Michael Bluth:Michael: 'I've been watching her program, El Amor Prohibido... The Love That Is Forbidden. She is the love that's forbidden. The love of my hermano.'

Gob Bluth:Gob: 'Hermano means brother? Well, sounds like hermano is about to get his ass kicked.'

Buster Bluth · Gob Bluth:Buster: 'Well, this is what I said I wanted.' [Gob approaches to hit him] 'So, all right. Let's get it over with. Huh!'

Gob Bluth · Buster Bluth:Gob: 'Oh. Oh, who is [cheating with Marta]? How the hell should I know, Buster?'

Buster Bluth · Gob Bluth:Buster helpfully volunteers: 'You know, there is a guy who plays her older brother on her show. I think his name is Tio.' Gob: 'Tio. Well, sounds like someone who you think's name is Tio is about to get his ass kicked.'

Michael Bluth · Buster Bluth · Lucille Bluth:Michael relays Lucille's message to Buster: 'Mom wanted me to tell you that she doesn't care whether you live or die, but if you're not dead, she would like to see you at the courthouse in the blue sweater.'

Buster Bluth · Michael Bluth:Buster: 'Damn! I hate the blue sweater.' Michael: 'She said it would look nice with the gray pants.' Buster: 'Damn it! She's right!'

Buster Bluth:Buster: 'And I've got a blue sweater to steam.' [rushing off with purpose]

Lucille Bluth:Lucille (Sr.'s mom): 'She's not real. She was made in a cup. Like soup... a hundred and thirty thousand dollar cup of soup.'

Lucille Bluth:Lucille: 'How do you like them egg rolls, Mr. Goldstone?'

Lucille:Lucille: 'All I know is it took an extra year before we could add a den.'

Lucille Bluth:Lucille: 'I'm saying she already spent her inheritance getting here.'

Gob Bluth:Gob to the Mexican actor who played Tio: '? Cómo?' / Gob: 'Oh, you're gonna be in a coma, all right.'

Narrator:Narrator: 'Unfortunately, the actor who played Tio had also starred in a Mexican film about the life of Oscar De La Hoya.'

Gob Bluth:Gob: 'Where am I? Am I in... two-thirds of a hospital room?'

Michael Bluth · Marta:Michael to Marta: 'My brother said we can do it.' then immediately: 'That didn't come out as romantic as I'd hoped.'

Michael Bluth · Marta:Michael and Marta's romantic moment is interrupted by his phone ringing. 'Oh wait. You jinxed it. Don't worry. I'll turn it off.' Then: 'Mm. It's just my mother.'

Marta:Marta: 'With my Dad, it is the vision.' [comparing hearing problems to her father's vision problems]

Tobias Fünke:Tobias claims 'never-nude' is recognized in Germany: 'There are two members of German Parliament. They're called nein wohlstandig nude.'

Lindsay:Lindsay: 'Look, how 'bout we do this together? You take off your shirt, and I'll take off my jacket.'

Maeby Fünke:Maeby: 'Now all I need is a boyfriend.'

Lucille Bluth:Lucille alone at the courthouse: 'Just you and me, huh? God, why am I the only one who ever comes through in this family?'

George Sr. · Lucille Bluth:George Sr.: 'Maybe I should just stay in prison so my family can be free.' Lucille: 'Call it what you want. I'm tired of paying Lupe to clean one dish.'

Barry Zuckerkorn:Barry arrives late to the arraignment: 'I'm sorry, sorry. I'm so late. I had another hearing. I think I'm gonna get off, huh? I have a good lawyer.'

Barry Zuckerkorn · Lucille Bluth:Barry to Lucille: 'You look great in red.'

Barry:Barry to Lucille: 'You look great in red. Okay.' — a completely incongruous compliment in the middle of a serious legal crisis

Barry Zuckerkorn · Lucille Bluth:Barry: '"Anyhoo," what are we doing here? What's the plan?' Lucille: 'The plan? You're our lawyer.' Barry: 'It's a figure of speech. You're gonna be fine.'

Narrator · Michael Bluth:Narrator/Michael observing George Sr. in court: 'Oh, for God's sake. He's on his own for two days, and he joins a gang.'

George Sr. · Lucille Bluth:George Sr. on his gang: 'Besides, they're the only thing I have left to live for in this world.' Lucille: 'Oh, stop being so dramatic. You know where I live.'

George Sr.:George Sr.: 'I wasn't talking about you, Mom. I was talking about Marta.'

Lucille:Lucille: 'I saw them making out at her front door. Just now. Huh!'

Lucille Bluth:Lucille: 'Marta's been interested in Michael. That's right... dull, nothing-going-on-upstairs... Michael.'

Narrator · Barry Zuckerkorn · George Sr.:Narrator reads the charges: 'Conspiracy, racketeering, evidence tampering, fraud, theft, grand theft, petty theft, resisting arrest...' Barry: 'Wow. I-I did not get that page.'

Michael Bluth · Gob Bluth · Lucille Bluth:Michael and Gob begin fighting in the courtroom during the arraignment reading; Lucille: 'How dare you!' Michael: 'Now, come on. You said it was okay. And nothing happened!' Lucille: 'Oh, did I?' Gob: 'Take it easy.'

Narrator · George Sr.:Narrator: 'George Sr., having never heard his charges listed consecutively in one sitting, panicked and ran with great intensity.'

Buster Bluth:Buster: 'Buster realized this was his opportunity to fulfill a longtime fantasy.' — then Buster jumps into the brother brawl wanting to get hit

Barry Zuckerkorn · Michael Bluth:Barry also flees the courthouse: 'What are you doing? They'll add ten years to your sentence.' Barry: 'They'll never catch me!'

Lindsay Bluth Fünke · Tobias Fünke:Lindsay attempts to get Tobias to undress: 'I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't.' / 'For me, Tobias.' / 'That too.'

Buster Bluth:Buster in the park brawl, pleading: 'Hit me in the face! Hit me in the face! Hit me in the face! Please! Hit me in the face!'

Marta:Marta arrives at the courthouse fight. 'What is wrong with you? I thought you were good people. I thought you were noble. I thought you cared about family, but you clearly don't.'

Buster Bluth · Marta:Marta dumps both brothers. 'Wait, what about me?' — Buster, to Marta.

Marta · Buster Bluth:Marta to Buster: 'I'm sorry. I'm not totally sure who you are.'

Buster Bluth:Buster: 'Wow! Wow. That's what it feels like to get punched in the face.'

Michael Bluth · Gob Bluth:Michael and Gob reconcile: 'And what are we doing? Hey, we're brothers. That's gotta count for something.' Gob: 'That counts for everything.'

Buster:Buster interrupts: 'This is all moot, because she never got a chance to know me. Now, will someone please have the decency to punch me in the face?'

Michael Bluth · Gob Bluth · Buster Bluth:Buster finally gets punched — then: Michael: 'Well, it's effective.' Gob: 'Yeah, it really is.'

Tobias Fünke:On the Next Arrested Development — Tobias 'quietly overcompensates' post-intimacy by aggressively pouring coffee and declaring 'I slept very well last night.'

Tobias:Tobias: 'Please tell me there's some coffee left.' — delivered with extreme intensity as if making a great personal sacrifice