Beef Consommé

hermano in Spanish meant brother, and the person Marta was infatuated with was, in fact, himself

See if you can get it down to five.

Oh, get off the mount. You're coming home, guilty or somehow found not guilty.

You're a good guy, mon frère. That means brother in French. I don't know why I know that. I took four years of Spanish.

Oh, who cares? Nobody respects him.

I also like your hair and your face and your breasts.

Gob is like the cock of the walk. But not you. You are so kind. You're sensitive, like a woman.

That's enough.

He likes to make love to this.

Not-Not-Not... Not... Not hot wrong. You know, regular wrong.

While I'm doing my noble thing you could put those photos in a box, get rid of the wand... and we can do the wrong thing the right way.

Oh, great. And now you're mocking me, you selfish, country-music-loving lady.

Why don't you two just get a divorce and save us all a lot of grief?

And then, of course, we couldn't conceive, so there was that famous ordeal.

Sometimes I wish we weren't even related.

Hey, you know, maybe we're not.

Oh, yeah. Dozens of times.

Tell you what, you may not be good with women, but you are great with other people's women.

I don't answer the phone, that doesn't happen.

And it's all because of you, fratello. That's Italian for brother.

Mom always taught us to curl up in a ball and remain motionless when confronted.

I think that was about being attacked by bears.

Yeah, I know.

Hey, rich kid. Gimme your lunch money.

You'd be a much bigger ball.

I want to dance. I want to make love to a woman. I want to get a checking account. I want to know what it feels like to get my face socked in.

I'm not here.

Tell him I'm fine without him.

Where is your head, Michael?

We couldn't get that down, huh?

Let's see if they've beefed up my part. I got three lines!

When a man needs to prove to a woman that he's actually... When a man loves a woman... and he actually wants to make love, uh, to her...

I'm gonna stop you. I know where you're running.

Tobias was a never-nude, which is exactly what it sounds like.

What do you think I wear these for?

I was never actually clear on that.

I don't know... weird brother of prime rib.

Hermano means brother? Yeah. Well, sounds like hermano is about to get his ass kicked.

Well, sounds like someone who you think's name is Tio... is about to get his ass kicked.

Mom wanted me to tell you... that she doesn't care whether you live or die, but if you're not dead... she would like to see you at the courthouse tomorrow in the blue sweater.

She's not real. She was made in a cup. Like soup... a hundred and thirty thousand dollar cup of soup.

How do you like them egg rolls, Mr. Goldstone?

All I know is it took an extra year before we could add a den.

You all right? Where am I? Am I in... two-thirds of a hospital room?

If you liked her, I would have said, 'Go for it.' I do kind of like her. Go for it.

My brother said we can do it. That didn't come out as romantic as I'd hoped, but...

I understand you not wanting to do it on film... but you can't even get undressed in front of me.

I know for a fact that there are two members of German Parliament. They're called 'nein wohlstandig' nude.

Look, how 'bout we do this together? You take off your shirt, and I'll take off my jacket.

Now all I need is a boyfriend.

God, why am I the only one who ever comes through in this family?

Call it what you want. I'm tired of paying Lupe to clean one dish.

Oh, for God's sake. He's on his own for two days, and he joins a gang.

These guys? Oh, I've got them for the afternoon. Besides, they're the only thing I have left to live for in this world.

That's right... dull, nothing-going-on-upstairs... Michael.

Is that my belt?

George Sr., having never heard his charges... listed consecutively in one sitting, panicked and ran with great intensity.

Stop it before someone gets hit in the face!

That too.

Hit me in the face! Hit me in the face! Hit me in the face! Please! Hit me in the face!

I'm sorry. I'm not totally sure who you are.

That's what it feels like to get punched in the face.

This is all moot, because she never got a chance to know me.

Well, it's effective. Yeah, it really is.

I slept very well last night.