Notapusy

I only took this nanny job so he'd give me a free divorce, and then marry me, so I'd never have to work again.

I've always wanted to make love on a horse.

That's so funny, because I can put my leg behind my head.

Of course. Who wouldn't want to snog the nanny?

Michael had recently fallen bum-over-noggin for a beautiful Englishwoman called Rita.

Did I say 'snog' again? Oh, bloody hell.

Oh, my God! Did I miss a call?

God, is that how I look?

You're right. Do not answer that.

I wasn't hurrying to come stop you. I was out on for my daily, uh...

I was in the Olympics once. I won a silver medal.

And the silver medal. Yes, and you came in second.

But you take my breath away.

You're such (bleep).

Michael was stunned. He assumed Rita was using the word (bleep) in the American sense, meaning weak or cowardly. In fact, Rita meant it in the British sense, meaning sweet or gentle, as in 'pussycat.'

Fighting for your country-- you're such a pussy.

When I miss your lips, I'll put a (bleep) in my mouth and think of you.

That also had a different meaning over there.

But we're not good at that stuff.

In fact, the only thing George Michael really liked was hanging motionless from the monkey bars. Which the President's Council on Fitness ranks as 'slightly easier than the slide.'

Yeah, who's Ann?

No, I know her name's not Annabelle. That's how I remember her name, 'cause her body's kind of shaped like a...

She's the belle of the ball.

She's... she running the lights or something?

Well, it's half. It's at the State Fair, which this year is gonna be a Church and State Fair.

There's no such thing as an inner beauty pageant. They're just gonna pick the chick with the best T and A.

As a child, Maeby had been entered into a number of progressive pageants that claimed to celebrate beauty in all its forms. But the winners still tended to have it 'going on' in the conventional sense.

I don't know where that hair of yours came from. Shameless Plugs, on Placentia. Looks pretty good, huh? And they're not licensed, which means big savings.

I'm guessing 'have sex', but that's meeting you more than halfway.

I'll show them a little T and A. Tobias and Ann.

Yeah, I think you just did.

I heard the jury's still out on science.

Come on. I lie to yours all the time.

Second place is someone weird usually, like a Chinese girl or a geologist.

So I step in and, uh, lay her crown upon my sweet head.

Have I missed this euphemism?

You know, uh, you got to stop saying your name all the time.

Only for a wimp, a wuss, a (bleep). And Steve didn't mean pussycat.

Uncle Mike! Steve Holt! Both men felt good about themselves. Uncle Mike! Steve Holt! But Gob didn't share their enthusiasm.

So this is how Michael gets rid of my son? By stealing him? Well, I'll just have to steal something of his. Like, say, his bicycle. As a... placeholder.

Oh, I can't believe I chose this moment to call you.

It's Surely.

Just watch, Surely's inner beauty will get trumped by her outer icky.

It had been purchased for her at a charity auction she'd attended as a studio executive, $10,000 by Jamie Kennedy.

But I'm not putting you in my remake of A Thoroughly Polite Dustup.

My God, he's already lost a hand. If he loses a leg, how will we ever get him out of the apartment?

Where's your hand? Oh, it got stuck in the prize hole again. I told you not to play that stupid game anymore. Ah! There goes number three.

You'll do anything to get out of (bleep) in this apartment. Ah, you're drunk.

'At Risk Male Youth.' That spells 'Army.'

And that's when Buster discovered a recruiting pool the government had been fishing for years.

Actually, Lucille went down faster.

Have sex with this girl right now. Do it, go. Get in there. Have some sex with her right now. I didn't think so.

You can control your bladder when you're dead. No blood, no oil! There's no 'I' in 'win.'

I thought he was older, and... more manly.

Hey, does anyone know why my handlebars are in my bed?!

They're, uh, pills filled with oxygen. They keep you from being incontinent. Have one, they're called Oxy-Incontinent.

About just as much as Big Bird and the Keebler elves.

You want to have some guy reach around you in the middle of the night, start messing with your junk?

Is he ugly?

She can stand! The Lord's blessed her!

I just thought you wanted to hang out and do guy stuff.

Outgrown you. That is the term I've been looking for.

Outgrown you. That is the term I've been looking for.

Of course, they were way older.

Hey, do this with me!

Excuse me. I can't go back, I can't go back!

And he decided to escape in the bulletproof one.

No, no, no, no, no. Come on! I can't go back.

because I could not take you being away in the Army.

I think I'm gonna go get one of those corn dog crosses. With all the 'crucifixins'?

You're a complete and utter... (bleep) I can't believe we had to bleep that. It would have been such a nice moment.

Thank God I wasn't in the Humvee.