Larry's going out of his mind with boredom up in Montana when Artie appears with a scheme to resurrect the show.
WAR
94.9
Wins Above Replacement
“Montana” ranks #11 of 90 The Larry Sanders Show episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 90.8 — Elite. The episode packs 68 scored jokes at 2.6 per minute, averaging 7.4 on craft and 7.4 on impact, with Larry Sanders landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Larry: You hear that? That's my whippoorwill, Artie.
Artie Character Comedy Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Bernadette Peters · Larry Sanders · Hank Kingsley: Bernadette Peters recites a poem for Larry — which turns out to be entirely about Hank Kingsley
Larry Sanders: I think I like the kryptonite suit. That's actually what it seems like.
Larry: Get off the porch, asshole.
Artie: Or we could say you had a drug problem. You had to hide out in montana till you dried out. I tell you, that's the only surefire way I know of avoiding embarrassment.
All Jokes — 68 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Robin Williams: He's wonderful. I mean, he's hung like a field mouse.
Robin Williams: I mean, you pop the diaper and... boing! It's like a little sundial.
Robin Williams: Honey, what time is it? Get the baby. Get the baby. Look! It's 3:00! Oh, it's 2:30 now. It's real cold.
Robin Williams: It is like kryptonite for... for the father. Even the dog looks at me like, 'you don't put his face in it.'
Robin Williams: It's almost like I know that he's growing old because he's, like, he's 8 months and he has his own little credit card called 'fetal express.'
Robin Williams: He's dialing up one of those '976-suckle,' you know? I'm waiting for you. I'm lactating. Call me.
Larry Sanders: I think I like the kryptonite suit. That's actually what it seems like.
Larry Sanders: What is it, is it Japanese?
It is.
Larry Sanders: And what is this?
This is sears, right?
Larry Sanders: Yes, so they're both Japanese.
OK.
Larry: You hear that? That's my whippoorwill, Artie.
Artie Character Comedy Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Artie: Oh, Larry, it's a magpie. They're scavengers, you know? They feed on road kill, dead meat. You know they carry rabies and lyme disease? You better not take a nap out on your porch. They'll peck your eyes out.
Larry Sanders Reaction Beat Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Callback Artie: You're like one of those goddamn creatures out of Greek mythology... half man, half desk.
Artie Character Comedy Observational Larry: Get off the porch, asshole.
Artie: Or we could say you had a drug problem. You had to hide out in montana till you dried out. I tell you, that's the only surefire way I know of avoiding embarrassment.
Larry: That's pathetic. We should save that one for when I really have a drug problem, don't you think?
Larry: I love these fuckers.
Artie: They don't even give you those little towels, those little wet towels. I had to wipe my face with a pack of sweet'n low.
Larry: Man, I can't believe Leno actually hid in the closet so he could hear the whole network meeting. That's a sickness, to be so obsessed with what people are saying about you.
Larry: I know. That is a sickness. What did people say about me not being mentioned much in the book?
Hank: And by pesos I don't mean to imply that someone of hispanic descent is likely to win. Again.
Artie Irony/Sarcasm Deadpan/Understatement Larry: 'Say now'? Say now. Well, he can't say 'hey, now.' That's the intellectual property of the Larry Sanders show.
Hank: You really pulled the rug out from under me, Larry boy.
Hank: You had it on 'passenger window lock.'
Darlene Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Hank: Is this what you call low profile? Two grown men sitting in a car full of smoke? Looks like a goddamn cheech and chong movie.
Larry: A free scratcher ticket?
Hank: They give me respect.
Larry: I know, but I'm trying to keep this very low profile, darlene.
Beverly: But you never fired me.
Larry: I didn't?
Beverly: No. Your business manager gives me a paycheck every week.
Larry: So what have you been up to the last 3 months, Phil?
Phil: Oh, jerking off. See you Monday.
Arthur: I need to hear you promise me that.
Larry: (Larry says nothing)
Hank Kingsley: Oh, God. It's good to know I'll never have to pull another set of balls like that again.
Artie: They should be cut out of here like cancer.
Germain: Larry walked, I put on back-to-back cheers reruns in the spot and they're doing rather well. Better then Leno as a matter of fact.
Artie: If you say you're gonna sue somebody, the least you can do is follow through and sue them.
Germain: Oh, please, don't tell me you and Larry are lovers.
Germain: Something about the dynamic?
Germain: Well, that explains a lot... the mood swings, the attention disorder, the astonishing weight gain.
Artie: He's as clean as Louie Anderson's dinner plate.
Artie: I didn't hear it ring. Oh, it didn't. It's a new system. You see, there's a little flashing light here you can't see from where you're standing.
Germain: Where's the gent's?
Artie: Uh, right out the door, first crapper on the left.
Artie Setup/Punchline Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Larry: What'd he mean by astonishing weight gain?
Artie: Never mind that. What about the gay lovers thing?
Artie Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Artie: ¡vamanos! ¡andalay! ¡pronto!
Larry: I had a... ahem... an addiction to painkillers.
Larry: Yeah, she got that because that's how they're wearing it in prison.
Larry: I actually saw a hooker dressed in a barney outfit. It was unbelievable. Now when barney sings, 'you love me, I love you,' it costs you 250 bucks.
Artie: Larry comes out and he tells the people that he was molested as a child. All right? Of course, I mean we have people who call your parents and we tell them we're just making it up.
Bernadette Peters: And every night, I say a prayer, thank the lord, Hank Kingsley's back!
Hank: Thank the lord, Hank Kingsley's back!
Bernadette Peters: Bernadette: 'He hasn't changed.' [to camera/crew, as Larry rushes off]
Larry Sanders · Artie: Artie finds Larry attempting to meditate/find his aura backstage and asks to join him. Larry: 'Fine.' They both sit in silence.
Hank Kingsley: Hank cannot get 'Live on tape' right — keeps flubbing it in the green room with staff reassuring him
Larry · Artie: I'm not going out there. / You haven't got a choice. / I'm not going out there. / I am not going out there.
Hank Kingsley · Artie: Hank: 'I'm not going out there.' [repeated multiple times, with increasing petulance] Artie: 'You don't like it, go back to that cabin and do a show on public access.'
Larry Sanders: The audience carries Larry onto the stage like a conquering hero — Larry awkwardly receives this as normal while looking mortified
Larry Sanders: Larry on stage: 'I know what you're thinking. Why... I should've taken you to Montana with me. I understand that. We could've all fit in the boat.'
Larry Sanders: Larry's painful on-air confession of 'drug addiction' — 'I had a... ahem... an addiction to painkillers... and then at times anti-anxiety medication and then later, of course, anything at all that came in a tablet or capsule form.'
Germain's assistant: Germain's assistant watching the confession: 'I had a feeling he was abusing his body in some way.' [oblivious to it being entirely fabricated]
Unknown caller: 'Hi! Is Conan there?' [someone calling the show's phone line immediately after the confession]
Artie · Richard Germain: Artie watches the confession from backstage: 'Are you happy now?' Germain: 'Oh, yes!' And he'll mention it again at the end of the show? He will! And he'll MC the affiliates dinner in Kansas City? With great pleasure!'
Larry Sanders: Larry's monologue: 'Hillary Clinton got that new haircut. Yeah, she got that because that's how they're wearing it in prison.'
Larry Sanders: Larry: 'I really don't care what they did before they were president.' [non-sequitur deflection after the Clinton joke]
Larry Sanders: 'I actually saw a hooker dressed in a Barney outfit. Now when Barney sings "you love me, I love you," it costs you 250 bucks.'
Larry Sanders: Larry backstage after the show: 'I can't believe it. These people actually love me MORE than they did before I had a drug problem.'
Artie: Artie: 'I got a great idea for sweeps week. Larry comes out and tells people he was molested as a child. Of course, we have people call your parents and tell them we're just making it up.'
Artie Dark/Subversive Escalation ★ Rewatch Larry Sanders · Artie: Larry: 'Still glad you came back from Montana?' Artie: 'I think if I learned one thing, it's that happiness comes from in here.' Artie: 'Is that your way of saying you'd like another pill?'
Bernadette Peters · Larry Sanders · Hank Kingsley: Bernadette Peters recites a poem for Larry — which turns out to be entirely about Hank Kingsley
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