Darlene Chapinni

Darlene:Why is Larry so mean? What is he, 'Sadge'?

Darlene:Try and get him to say 'Klingon.'

Darlene:It's not actually here but it should be.

Darlene · Hank:I wasn't invited. Hey. Hank'll make it right.

Darlene:I'm gonna bring my tarot cards tonight and do your wife.

Darlene:Why isn't he that funny on the show?

Hank · Darlene:Not buy. Not buy. Forget the food. All we need are the wrappers. Why don't I just go outside and climb into the Dumpster?

Hank · Darlene:Well, that's the biggest one in the country. No, that's the national one.

Beverly · Darlene:Like Larry would date a sister? I don't think so.

Darlene · Beverly:[Whispers] Never mind. Oh, god. It's me.

Larry · Darlene:Has he ever asked about my configuration? Larry, would you like a brownie?

Darlene · Larry:No. A fan sent them in for you and Hank. Why didn't you say something? Who knows what could be in these?

Darlene:I was rear-ended.

Darlene:Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Oh, my god!

Paula · Darlene · Darlene:I was going to tell you about it. / I haven't seen him since we broke up. / I know. I don't want to see him--

Hank · Darlene:Actually, it's not The interview. It's a feature about women Who work in television. But, Hank, You're a man. Right, But you're a woman.

Darlene · Hank:Your dad's Passed away, right? We think so. We're not sure. He left when I was 7.

Darlene:If you think It's so great, Show everyone your tits.

Darlene:You see, it's very Hard to pose nude And wear a t-shirt At the same time. In fact, It's downright Impossible.

Darlene:I wore the Hank's look Around cafe t-shirt In the main shot. It's a little ripped, But you can still read it.

Darlene · Larry:Because I know that you love-- gadgets. Math. I love math. And gadgets. Math and gadgets.

Darlene · Artie:If it wasn't for me, This dog would be dead now. Look at this little face. This face Would be dead. Yeah, well, that Would be a tragedy. What would his fleas do?

Phil · Darlene:He's taking us To new york. What if he's not Taking all of us?

Darlene:The name's darlene, You fucking idiot.

Darlene:The name's darlene, You fucking idiot.

Darlene:At the daily planet newspaper in metropolis.

Hank · Darlene · Artie:I'm doing some creative visualization, and I'm seeing the audience screaming with laughter. I'm seeing the same thing, Darlene. Thank you for explaining the screaming.

Darlene · Hank:What? What?! You've changed, Hank. There's a darkness around you. Good, fine. There's a darkness.

Darlene:You said you weren't coming last year, and you ended up winning the sack race.

Darlene:Screw him. It's not like it's a dog or--

Darlene · Phil:Now I'm doubly screwed because I went a whole month without having an orgasm. Well, guess what. So did i. Well, that's the point, right?

Darlene:I could never leave Hank.

Darlene:Oh, no. Mr. Jon lovitz. Again.

Darlene:First it was just flowers. Then it was flowers and, um... a dottie west cd. Then it was flowers and a hummel figurine. Then it was flowers and a pasta machine.

Darlene:No more comics, actors, or magicians.

Darlene:I'm still getting a lot of use out of that pasta machine. Because there's nothing better than fresh pasta.

Jon · Darlene:A lot of women find me dreamy. You are dreamy.

Darlene · Larry:Darlene volunteering to sing with Clint Black

Darlene:Hank thinks it's the Santa Ana winds. He said Larry's allergic and his face swells up.