Office Romance

The charges were immediately denied by denny's grand Imperial wizard.

Ex-wife lorena has offered to do the circumcision.

Bob Barker:Barker denies the charges, saying he's been spayed and neutered since '89.

Darlene:You said you weren't coming last year, and you ended up winning the sack race.

Larry:Yeah. Well, you know, I'd do anything to win the sack race.

Hank:Couple of rats got caught in the mechanism.

Larry:How long before I come back around?

Artie:I'll cancel the ranch. And the rest of us can sit in a sensory deprivation tank and see who takes a shit first.

Larry:You feel like you're sitting in the gift shop of the u.N.

Larry:I believe it's so she can use the diamond lane.

Artie:A thousand bucks says this means big trouble.

Larry:Make it an even 2,000.

Artie:I've never been so turned on in my life.

Larry:Oh, me neither.

Artie:This is the easiest 2,500 I've ever made.

Artie:Oh, me neither. This is the easiest 2,500 I've ever made.

Larry:It ain't dipped in gold. Like I'm supposed to know what that means.

Hank:Well, I'm not into interracial dating, 'cause it just, uh...Never works. I mean, sex is good, but in the morning, the cultural differences start to rear their ugly heads.

Larry:I believe that cultural differences would happen with you and any woman.

Hank Kingsley:Back off, jack.

Hank:Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?

Darlene:Screw him. It's not like it's a dog or--

Hank:How about the time Tipper Gore complained about my breath? Because I think Larry was a little pissed about that. But my god. I-- I had an infection.

Phil:Did you guys fuck between the 9th and 10th floor?

Phil:Next week it'll be Bill Clinton and who else, Hillary?

Clinton is in deep trouble with whitewater. Remember the days when he was only in trouble with white women?

Clinton is in deep Trouble with whitewater. Remember the days when He was only in trouble With white women?

Sadly, it turned out to be gene rayburn.

Larry:With the olsen twins?

Paula:I thought you said it made me look like Pat Benatar's shorter, fatter sister.

Larry:No, I said 'cuter.'

Should we keep saget? And he'd be like that. Like, should we get rid of cagney and lacey? He'd be like that.

Phil:Now I'm doubly screwed because I went a whole month without having an orgasm.

Darlene:Well, guess what. So did i.

Phil:Well, that's the point, right?

Phil:You and paula are not best friends. You're girls.

Phil:You and paula are Not best friends. You're girls.

Darlene:I could never leave Hank.

Larry:Next? Ahem!

Beverly:Twice in one day is two times too many.

Paula:It's got A flashlight, Compass, stopwatch. I can do anything With this.

Larry:She's not a thinker. The blond hair? Big breasts?

Paula:You should have kept jerry and fired phil for being a lying prick.

Phil:I will sue the Show. I want you To know that.

Artie:You'll be getting the bill from the browning dealer for this sweetheart. 5 grand. I'll pay the extra grand.

Larry:Load it.

Artie:Well, I thought we agreed that our evening of bliss was an event best not repeated.

Larry Sanders:Well, you picked a fine Time to tell me this.

Larry:And it was 3 evenings.

Larry:I want my money back.

Writer:Writer in the writers' room has been reading the Sharper Image catalog 'to see how to spend your money' — offering a $3,000 satellite locator for when you're 'bombed one night'

Artie:Artie: 'I believe they're still standing by the elevator, frozen in shock and amazement.'

Larry · Writer:Writer doing a British accent: 'Hello, mum, hello.' Larry: 'That's funny.' Writer: 'That's funny to you?'

Larry · Artie:Larry, panicking about Darlene/Phil news, asks: 'How long has Darlene been dating Phil?' Artie immediately: '4,500.'

Larry:Clinton/Whitewater joke: 'Remember the days when he was only in trouble with white women?'

Larry:Gene Rayburn asthma joke: 'Researchers have identified a gene that may cause asthma and hayfever. Sadly, it turned out to be Gene Rayburn.'

Bob Saget · Phil:Bob Saget arriving at the show greets Phil; Phil introduces himself. Bob asks if Phil is seeing anyone. Phil clears his throat and leaves.

Bob Saget · Writer:Bob Saget to a writer: 'There's somebody in the office that I like, and I don't know what to do about it.' Writer: 'Office romance. That's a bad idea.' 'With the Olsen twins?'

Phil · Paula:Phil asks Paula out; Paula mentions her new hair; Phil says he previously said it made her look like 'Pat Benatar's shorter, fatter sister'; Phil denies it, claiming he said 'cuter'

Phil · Paula:Phil: 'We have a natural banter going already. It's gonna be fun!' Paula: 'What the hell? It's just dinner.' Then: 'Actually... never mind.' Phil: 'What?' Paula: 'I was gonna ask you out eventually.'

Darlene · Paula:Darlene tells Paula: 'Remember that guy I told you I was seeing who I thought could speak French, and then I found out it was just all made-up words? That was Phil?!'

Paula · Darlene:Paula: 'So he just asked me out to piss you off.' Then: 'I have to go get the phone.' — Paula exits twice using the same excuse

Darlene · Paula · Larry:Darlene: 'So he just asked me out to piss you off.' Paula: 'If I had known...I'm sorry.' / 'I have to go get the phone.'

Bob Saget:Bob Saget's toupee executive story — the CBS exec who took advice from his toupee, talking to it like a pet, taking it home to dinner

Phil · Darlene:Phil and Darlene's breakup: 'I went a whole month without having an orgasm.' / 'Well, guess what. So did I.' / 'Well, that's the point, right?'

Larry · Darlene:Darlene and Larry argue; Darlene says 'she's not my type' / Larry: 'Really? What don't you like? The blond hair? Big breasts?' Larry: 'You know, she's not a thinker.' Darlene starts crying quietly.

Larry · Darlene:In the elevator: Larry and Darlene both prefer the same one of the dolls she holds up. 'Which one of these do you like the most? / Oh. This one. / Yeah. Me, too.'

Larry · Darlene:Larry in the elevator tells Darlene 'we can't let things go on like this.' Darlene: 'I'm serious. She's not my type.' Larry: 'Really? What don't you like? The blond hair? Big breasts? You know, she's not a thinker.' Darlene cries quietly. Larry: 'I'm sorry to hear that, darlene. Who's next?'

Larry · Darlene:Larry breaks it off with Darlene in the elevator: 'She's not my type.' 'What don't you like? The blond hair? Big breasts?' 'You know, she's not a thinker.'

Paula:Paula: 'You should have kept Jerry and fired Phil for being a lying prick.'

Phil:Phil to Larry: 'Paula has threatened me with physical violence, and if something is to happen to me here, I will sue the show.'

Larry · Artie:Larry: 'I'm gonna fire one of these idiots. Which one?' Artie: 'You know, you're right. Both of 'em. Both of those idiots.' Larry: 'Maybe 3?' Artie: 'Yeah. Maybe 4.' Larry: 'I quit.'

Artie:Artie's reply to Larry's 'I quit': 'Right. Heh! You want your money in cash or a check?'

Artie · Larry:Artie has purchased a Browning shotgun ('this sweetheart') worth $5,000 with engraving; tells Larry he'll pay the extra $1,000 for it. Larry: 'Load it.'

Artie:Artie announcing the retreat: 'Sixth annual Larry Sanders Annual Retreat! Fun and sun... in the sun.'

Artie:Artie's retreat announcement: 'Sixth annual Larry Sanders Annual Retreat! Fun and sun...In the sun.'

Hank:Hank to Larry on the bus: 'Here's Larry!' — doing the show's own intro on the bus

Artie · Larry:Artie and Larry on bus, agreeing the staff brought it on themselves: 'I must say, they brought it on themselves.' 'Yes, they did.' 'Serves 'em all right.' 'It sure does.'

Artie · Larry:Artie: 'I thought we agreed that our evening of bliss was an event best not repeated.' Larry: 'Well, you picked a fine time to tell me this.' Artie: 'And it was 3 evenings.'

Artie:'And it was 3 evenings.' — Artie's correction, delivered deadpan

Larry:Larry: 'I want my money back.' — final line of the episode, referring to the bet