Larry hits it off with guest Sharon Stone, but finds he can't cope with her greater celebrity status.
WAR
87.2
Wins Above Replacement
“The Mr. Sharon Stone Show” ranks #62 of 90 The Larry Sanders Show episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 85.4 — Elite. The episode packs 80 scored jokes at 3.1 per minute, averaging 7.2 on craft and 7.0 on impact, with Larry Sanders landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Sharon Stone: Sharon, incredulous: 'Are you actually telling me you couldn't get an erection until you turned your own goddamn show on?'
Larry · Artie: This has nothing to do with being famous. I can show you a list of women this long that aren't famous that I haven't been able to get it up with. / That came out wrong. / Take your time.
Larry Artie Character Comedy Escalation Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Larry Sanders · Julianne Phillips: Julianne Phillips: 'Are you going to the Clinton dinner on Friday?' Larry: 'Yeah, I have a couple of extra tickets, actually.' Julianne: 'I've got 2 tickets. Where are you sitting?' Larry: 'Table 2.' — the episode's final line.
Artie · Hank Kingsley: Artie introduces Julianne Phillips: 'I believe that's the lovely and talented Julianne Phillips.' Hank's panicked question: 'She's not more famous than I am, is she?' Artie: 'No!'
Beverly · Diane: Beverly, in an extraordinary display of passive-aggressive diplomacy, calls Diane to break up with Sharon on Larry's behalf — telling Diane that Sharon feels she needs someone outside show business who can nurture her. Diane agrees.
Beverly Diane Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback All Jokes — 80 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Assistant: Good morning, Sir lawrence.
Larry Sanders: Morning.
Assistant: Bran with raisins, sire.
Larry Sanders: Just a little dinner With the president Of the united states.
Hank Kingsley: Ooh! That's both Hoity and toity.
Larry Sanders: Just, uh, tell her I'm in big bear for the next couple Weeks, ok?
Beverly: Larry, if I use That big bear excuse, She's going to know that You're blowing her off.
Larry Sanders: I'm not blowing anyone. Not till next week at The big network meeting. Yeah, when i'll be Blowing everyone.
Larry Sanders: Oh, Beverly, we're Just boys talk. What the fuck?
Beverly: The grand high-exalted Pussy master here might.
Beverly: Guess whose not getting Any pussy at home.
Beverly: How would you like it If I talked about pussy, huh? Pussy, pussy, I'm gonna Go get me some pussy. How would you like that?
Artie Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Hank Kingsley: Well, when you say it that way, It takes the shine off it.
Beverly: Get some of that Drive-through pussy.
Larry Sanders: I wonder if She looks this sexy In real life, 'Cause I know I don't.
Larry Sanders: Oh, that is not the case. I often come down To say hello to the guests Just as a common courtesy, You know?
Phil: You know, If you're going To try something new, You should tell people. You scared the shit Out of me.
Larry Sanders: We were like locusts. We'd get together Every 7 years and destroy everything For miles And then Split apart again.
Phil Deadpan/Understatement Irony/Sarcasm Sharon Stone: Larry, You read the article In people magazine, didn't you?
Larry Sanders: What article?
Hank Kingsley: Just know that Things in this life Happen for a reason. Remember that When we fire you.
Sharon Stone: vous etes très gentil.
Larry Sanders: You know, If you married Oliver stone, You'd be sharon stone. Sharon stone.
Larry Sanders: I'd love to talk To that guy, 'cause I think my mother Had something To do with the kennedy Assassination.
Larry Sanders: the courtship blank eddie's father. I was up half the night. "Of." The word was "of." Oh, was it "of"? Damn it. I put "and."
Larry Sanders: Excuse me. You just made Me think of something. Uh, Beverly? Would you do me A favor and see If we've heard from The cadillac dealership yet?
Beverly: There's an emergency. Uh, something fell On bobby on the stage.
Larry Sanders: Oh, my god.
Beverly: The emergency. I have to go.
Hank Kingsley: Hey, Larry, I heard "cadillac," But there was A bottleneck in The kitchenette.
Hank Kingsley: So, um, what did, uh, What did she eat?
Artie: Heat always passes From a hotter body To a cooler body And never The other way around.
Norman: There are some kids In my neighborhood. Who gives a shit?
Norman: You have kids? There are some kids In my neighborhood. Who gives a shit?
Artie: No, she's More famous than you.
Larry Sanders: What?
Artie: She's more famous Than you are.
Larry Sanders: She's what?
Artie: More famous.
Artie: If you're in A show business relationship, And the woman's More famous than you are, She's the one with the dick.
Larry Sanders: I can show you a list Of women this long That aren't famous That I haven't been able To get it up with.
Hank Kingsley: I know that never In this lifetime Will I enjoy The act of lovemaking With someone Of sharon stone's caliber. I know this, And I accept this. I'm so fat.
Hank Kingsley: Some of god's bounty That he has obviously Seen fit to bestow on you.
Larry Sanders: You sound like you're Quoting scripture now.
Hank Kingsley: Some of god's bounty That he has obviously Seen fit to bestow on you.
Larry Sanders: You sound like you're Quoting scripture now.
Did you hear? Larry is banging Sharon stone.
Hank Kingsley: You shut the fuck up.
Audience member: how's sharon?!
Larry Sanders: The next time you bring Your father to the show, You tell him to keep His mouth shut, all right?
Sharon Stone: I don't think His depilatory problems Are my concern.
Larry Sanders: ♪ Many a tear has to fall ♪ ♪ But it's all ♪
Larry Sanders: I was on The wrestling team In high school, And I can break Any of your holds.
Sharon Stone: Yeah, well I know. I've seen your movies.
Norman Observational Character Comedy Larry Sanders: You're at table 1? Mm-hmm. 1 what? Table 1. Who are you Sitting with?
Sharon Stone: Bill and hillary.
Larry Sanders: Oh, them.
Larry Sanders: Table 1? [Sighs]
Norman Character Comedy Observational Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Sharon Stone: Are you actually telling me You couldn't get an erection Until you turned Your own goddamn show on?
Norman Absurdist Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Artie: If you're in A show business relationship, And the woman's More famous than you are, She's the one with the dick.
Larry Sanders: I can show you a list Of women this long That aren't famous That I haven't been able To get it up with. That came out wrong.
Larry Character Comedy Misdirection Larry Sanders: See, canyon ranch Is the female Equivalent To big bear. She's blowing Me off.
Beverly: Larry, do you know I had this same Exact conversation With both your ex-wives?
Sharon: Sharon really Likes Larry, But she feels She needs to be involved With somebody outside Of show business. Somebody who can Nurture her.
Artie: Boy, does he Crave attention.
Beverly: Yeah.
Artie: He's taking it Badly, though.
Hank Kingsley: I vote for a nurse. They can get You drugs, And those girls Really know How to swing.
Larry Sanders: She's not more famous Than I am, is she?
Artie: No!
Julianne Phillips: Table 2.
Artie · Unknown: Hey, I'm really glad to see the man's finally the one nude in the movie. I mean, if you're into that kind of thing. And I am. / Hear, hear!
Sharon Stone · Artie: Sharon's interviewer: 'Hey, I'm really glad to see the man's finally the one nude in the movie. I mean, if you're into that kind of thing.' Sharon: 'And I am.' Hank (or Artie): 'Hear, hear!'
Sharon Stone · Larry Sanders: Sharon and Larry begin what appears to be a playful wrestling/flirtatious moment. Sharon warns: 'I have to tell you before we get started that I was on the wrestling team in high school and I can break any of your holds.' Larry: 'Yeah?' Then a flurry of exertion sounds: 'Unh! Unh! Unh!' Sharon: 'Wow! I only have one of those.' Larry: 'I could crush you.' Sharon: 'Yeah, I know. I've seen your movies.'
Larry Sanders · Sharon Stone: Larry invites Sharon to the Clinton dinner as his date, mentioning his two seats at 'table 20, which I understand is excellent.' Sharon says she also has tickets and was going to ask him as her date — but she's at table 1.
Larry Sanders · Sharon Stone: Larry invites Sharon to the Clinton dinner; she says she also has tickets. He asks where she's sitting. 'Table 1.' 'Table 1?' 'Mm-hmm.' 'Well, that sounds closer than my table.'
Larry · Sharon Stone: Who are you sitting with? / Bill and Hillary. / Oh, them.
Larry Sanders: Larry becomes visibly deflated after learning Sharon is at table 1 with the Clintons. He covers his ego collapse by fiddling with the radio: 'It's the radio. Let me... What's wrong? Nothing, what's wrong with you? Wait, I just gotta turn the radio off. There. All right. There we go.'
Larry Sanders · Sharon Stone: Larry: 'Oh, well, I guess we could sit with them if you wanted to.' Sharon: 'Great.' 'What's wrong?' Larry: 'Oh, nothing. Nothing. It's not you, it's just... I don't-- It's the radio. Let me...'
Larry Sanders: Extended reaction beat: Larry stares at the ceiling alone, sighs, says 'Table 1?' to no one, then tries to recover: 'Well— Well, you're just tired, I guess.'
Larry · Sharon Stone: Table 1? / Mm-hmm. / [Sighs] / Well— / Well, you're just tired, I guess. / I don't know. / I'll tell you what... / Yeah. You're just tired. You're working too hard.
Hank Kingsley: Hank's voice on TV: 'And now, because he's better-looking than I am, Larry Sanders.' — playing on the TV in the background while Larry and Sharon are in bed.
Sharon Stone: Sharon, incredulous: 'Are you actually telling me you couldn't get an erection until you turned your own goddamn show on?'
Beverly · Phil: Beverly walks in and protests the discussion: 'Gentlemen, please!' Phil: 'Look, he was being clinical. He didn't call it a woody.'
Larry Sanders: Larry explains the sequence: 'Everything was going fine. We're in bed, terrific, and then I ask her if she wants to go to the Clinton dinner. And she says she's already going, and she's sitting with the Clintons. Next thing I know, all the blood in my body settled in my ass.'
Larry · Artie: This has nothing to do with being famous. I can show you a list of women this long that aren't famous that I haven't been able to get it up with. / That came out wrong. / Take your time.
Larry Artie Character Comedy Escalation Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Artie: Artie: 'I warned you, didn't I? If you're in a show business relationship, and the woman's more famous than you are, she's the one with the dick.'
Artie Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Larry Sanders · Artie: Larry: 'It's only been a few days, and you know what? It feels like this relationship is all about her. This is not about me. I have no ident-- do you know what I'm talking about?' Artie: 'No identity.' Larry: 'Uh-huh. In this thing. It's all about her. Believe me, I know.' Larry: 'Not me. Sharon and who? Sharon and who?'
Larry Sanders: Larry: 'This has nothing to do with being famous. I can show you a list of women this long that aren't famous that I haven't been able to get it up with.' Beat. 'That came out wrong.'
Larry Sanders · Beverly: Larry: 'Not me. Sharon and who? Sharon and who?' Beverly on intercom: 'Larry, she's on line 2.'
Larry Sanders · Diane · Beverly: The phone-call sequence: Larry is put on hold by an assistant, transferred to another assistant, then discovers Sharon is at Canyon Ranch — and each assistant apologizes and puts him on hold again.
Beverly: Beverly explains: 'Canyon Ranch is the female equivalent to Big Bear. She's blowing you off.' — a direct callback to the episode's opening exchange about Larry using Big Bear as an excuse.
Beverly Callback Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Larry Sanders · Beverly: Larry: 'I need to get out of this relationship. I need somebody who is not in show business. Someone who can nurture me.' Beverly: 'Larry, do you know I had this same exact conversation with both your ex-wives?'
Larry Sanders · Beverly: Larry: '...well, that is a coincidence.' Beverly: 'Yeah, probably.'
Beverly · Diane: Beverly, in an extraordinary display of passive-aggressive diplomacy, calls Diane to break up with Sharon on Larry's behalf — telling Diane that Sharon feels she needs someone outside show business who can nurture her. Diane agrees.
Beverly Diane Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Larry Sanders · Beverly: After Beverly handles the breakup, Larry: 'Are you ok?' Beverly: 'Yeah, I just hate confrontation.' Larry: 'Sure glad I'm out of that.'
Beverly · Hank Kingsley · Artie: Beverly: 'I hope we've learned our lesson.' Larry: 'You ok?' Hank: 'I can't believe she's out of our lives.' Artie: 'All right.'
Artie · Hank Kingsley: Artie: 'Boy, does he crave attention.' Then immediately pivots: 'You know, I need to meet somebody normal. Like a nurse or a schoolteacher.' Hank: 'I vote for a nurse. They can get you drugs, and those girls really know how to swing. When I was in for my hernia, I had a sponge bath, and whoa, baby!'
Artie · Hank Kingsley: Artie introduces Julianne Phillips: 'I believe that's the lovely and talented Julianne Phillips.' Hank's panicked question: 'She's not more famous than I am, is she?' Artie: 'No!'
Larry Sanders · Julianne Phillips: Julianne Phillips: 'Are you going to the Clinton dinner on Friday?' Larry: 'Yeah, I have a couple of extra tickets, actually.' Julianne: 'I've got 2 tickets. Where are you sitting?' Larry: 'Table 2.' — the episode's final line.
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