Larry Loses a Friend

Darlene:Oh, no. Mr. Jon lovitz. Again.

Darlene:First it was just flowers. Then it was flowers and, um... a dottie west cd. Then it was flowers and a hummel figurine. Then it was flowers and a pasta machine.

Hank:I think it's courageous for one man to send flowers to another man. I'm gonna put these right on the air conditioner.

Hank:Well, you just ask Paula to book him 2 more times.

Larry:What would that do?

Hank:Well, nothing, but by then you'd have flowers and a miata.

Jon:Well, 14 if you count the time we got bumped by desert storm.

Jon:Fucking saddam hussein.

Jon:Have you seen city slickers 2?

Driver:No.

Jon:Well, then, put it up.

Paula:You're just mad because the only bracelets you have are made out of shoelaces.

Darlene:No more comics, actors, or magicians.

Paula:Magicians?

Larry:I'm just... I'm nutty about irises.

Larry:Nine innings of me listening to Hank whine about his marriage bullshit.

Larry:Took you a long time to figure out what I was getting at didn't it. You had a big lunch today?

Darlene:I'm still getting a lot of use out of that pasta machine. Because there's nothing better than fresh pasta.

Bird Lady:I'm afraid poncho is no longer with us. Did he... no, he was eaten by my neighbor's rottweiler.

Bird Lady:Oh, well, life goes on.

Hank:I don't care if my face swells up like a pumpkin. There's no way we're gonna miss that game tonight.

Larry:Game them! He took them. He's the fucking boss. My hands were tied.

Hank:Oh, it's not about the game. I just wanted to have some special time... ohh, what's the matter, sugar, huh?

Larry:Oh, you're telling me. I've been married 5 times. They were all the fucking birds.

Jon:I was in a league of their own, city slickers 2, north, trapped in paradise.

Jon:Because you got me.

Larry:Tsk! We have a lot of great guests.

Larry:Uh, no, no. Bruno. It's a union thing.

Jon:Aw, you forgot Mr. Hunk.

Hank:No, I was gonna get to that, but to me, that comes after movie star.

Hank:she, uh... she prefers women.

Jon:Oh, that's bullshit.

Hank:No, she's, uh... she's a lesbian, Jon.

Jon:So, uh... you're a lesbian.

Hank:She's like a terrier after a rat.

Hank:Like you've never been with a woman? Like you've never been with a man?

Jon:There's this girl in your office I got a crush on. Darlene.

Larry:Yeah. Well, how did... did she tell you? It's always darlene.

Larry:That would be called sexual harassment.

Jon:Oh, come on! 'blow me.' That's sexual harassment.

Larry:Does my ass look fat in these pants?

Jon:A lot of women find me dreamy. You are dreamy.

Jon:why would you want to go out with somebody that's famous and rich and handsome and can give you the life you always dreamed of and can make you laugh all the time? Yeah, pass.

Paula:Oh! Oh! It's true!

Larry:Thank God you weren't in here a few minutes ago when I was painting my balls.

Larry:God, my ass looks fat in these pants.

Larry:Well, unless Mr. Sagan comes out and shits a string of pearls, we have no show.

Larry:she's got an eating disorder. Yeah, serious. He was gonna find out eventually.

Hank:Not like this.

Larry:Emma samms.

Hank:We agreed we weren't gonna discuss that.

Hank:You turned on her alarm system.

Jon:I'm a lot my character in city slickers 2. I'm very open, and I'm very honest. Very honest. That why it was so easy for me to play.

Larry:Guys, guys, and nothing but guys. That's our darlene in a nutshell.

Larry:Can you imagine darlene with another woman?

Jon Lovitz:Jon's injured vanity speech: 'Why would you want to go out with somebody that's famous and rich and handsome and can give you the life you always dreamed of and can make you laugh all the time? Yeah, pass.'

Paula · Jon Lovitz:Paula wears Darlene's bracelet and tells Jon she's wearing it because 'Darlene said I could have it... uh, wear it.' — Then reveals they're going to 'a women's meeting,' prompting Jon to conclude the lesbian rumor is true

Paula · Darlene:Paula wearing Darlene's bracelet while claiming she's just holding it 'for a couple of hours' — then being caught by Darlene

Jon Lovitz:Jon sees Paula with the bracelet, learns they're going to a 'women's meeting,' and erupts: 'Oh! Oh! It's true!'

Artie · Hank:Artie to Hank: 'Why are you putting your shoes on before you pull your pants up?' Hank: 'I always do.' Artie: 'Why?' Hank: 'Superstitious.'

Hank:Hank: 'Thank God you weren't in here a few minutes ago when I was painting my balls.'

Larry · Artie:Larry, after the Jon Lovitz walkout: 'God, my ass looks fat in these pants.' — Artie's response: 'Hey, cut the horseshit, Adam.'

Artie:'Give my regards to the darling Jamie. Bye-bye.'

Larry:Larry apologizing to Jon on the phone: blames Paula's 'misunderstanding' about the snake story, then adds 'between us, she's got an eating disorder. Yeah, serious.'

Artie:Artie's reaction to Larry mentioning Paula's eating disorder: 'He was gonna find out eventually.'

Larry · Darlene · Hank:Three-way argument about why Jon walked: Darlene says it's because of her; Hank says it's because of the bracelet; Larry says it's the snake story argument — all three are simultaneously right and wrong

Larry · Artie:Artie: 'You turned on her alarm system.' Larry: 'You did not read the police report.' Artie: 'I'm quoted quite liberally in it.' Larry: 'You did not read the whole thing!'

Jon Lovitz:Jon: 'No, I'm a lot like my character in City Slickers 2. I'm very open, and I'm very honest. Very honest. That's why it was so easy for me to play. And I was very good in it. Have you seen it?'

Larry · Hank:The group assures Jon that Darlene is definitively not a lesbian: 'Guys, guys, and nothing but guys. That's our Darlene in a nutshell.' Hank: 'Yeah, I could vouch for it, too. Uh, we went out briefly, um, but she... you know. She's a little needy, but other than that...'

Hank:'Yeah, I could vouch for it, too. Uh, we went out briefly, um, but she... you know. She's a little needy, but other than that... I think she's just swell.'

Artie · Larry · Jon Lovitz:Jon: 'Uh, Jon, this whole... this misunderstanding has something to do with the snake story, doesn't it?' Jon: 'What snake story?' Larry/Artie: 'Darlene!'

Hank:Hank, watching Jon and Darlene together: 'Oh, look at them, look at them, look at them. They're so in love. Mmm.' — then launches into a story about Margaret that Artie cuts off

Artie:Artie: 'Can you imagine Darlene with another woman?'