The Hankerciser 200

Hank:That sign says, 'Applesauce.' No, no. I'm kidding. It says applause.

Larry:The postal service announced today that they'll be putting in new vending machines at all post offices, which, for a dollar, the machine will open fire on everyone.

Larry:Hey! I know this is a rerun, but you don't have to change the channel.

Larry:Damn it! You made me miss the earrings.

Hank:Hey, now.

Hank:everything but the refrigerator door. which you want to stay away from anyway if you're trying to slim down.

look at that body. look at Hank's.

Hank:hey, now.

Caller:could I use The Hankerciser to reduce the size Of howard stern's ass?

Artie:Young people are a delight. They're the hope for a new tomorrow. And eventually they'll try to steal our jobs.

Artie:Ladies crapper? Third door on the right.

Artie:It's a lesson called, 'If Hank can do it, Anyone can.'

Hank:It's longer than it looks.

Hank:Excellent choice.

Hank:I think we've sold some down there. I'll check.

Artie:In an open space, You could cram this Up his ass. I don't think you need To take it out the box.

Larry:You look like howdy doody Having a tantrum.

Larry:You're starting to sound like a reporter on A current affair, You know that? here's something you never hear On a current affair. Ow. Fuck you. Ow. you know, I don't believe I ever have heard that On a current affair.

Writer:You're a student, right?

Kevin:Uh, yeah.

Writer:What grade Are you in?

Larry:I won't say yee-haw!

Uh-oh.

Why not?

Larry:It's a cowboy term.

It's funny If you say it.

Try it.

Larry:Yee-haw!

Larry:The Larrystepper. That's it. No, the Larryciser-- Larryride--

Hank:Did she warm up Properly? Did she warm up?

Larry:Because We like our steaks Like we like Our talk shows-- Well done.

Larry:Ben-gay my ass. She was so bruised, She couldn't have sex.

Artie:I said let's all go down And have some fucking cheese.

Students:Don't mind us, Hank. Pretend we're not here.

Hank:Alone, Goddamn it!

Artie:This is something You don't need to see. You're just in Your late teens. Let's go.

Hank:I knew it. And she is a judas!

Hank:So you get your own show, And I get to have dick.

Hank:And I have to pay For the fact That you're back With that cunt.

Hank:I think it's that new Hay fever medication. I-- i-- I think it has Opium in it.

Hank:Please, have pity. I'm-- I'm drowning.

Larry:You, uh, slip on the ice?

Paula:My Hankerciser broke, and I pulled my neck.

Darlene:I was rear-ended.

Hank:Sweet Jesus. It's a house of cards.

Hank:is this, uh... Off the record?

Hank:A guy showed me A thing on paper. It looked good, And he said I just had to Put my name on it, And, uh... I can't find him. I'm so fucked.

Hank:Don't tell Larry How fast I buckled.

Francine:He started crying? no. He was crying. He was--

Larry:He buckled that fast?

Francine:Besides, I'm finishing That article On cellular phones And brain tumors.

Larry:How much time do you think It'll take to heal roughly? If you had to put A time frame on it?

Larry:Oh, the 'cunt' thing?

Hank:You remember The guest hypnotist? I think he put some Sort of hex on me. Yeah, that combined with The hay fever medication Would drive--

Hank:I got Something brewing With the, uh, Beretor Electronics people. Cellular phones, Baby.

Artie:And I think today is What I consider to be A typical day at the Larry Sanders show. Shit...