Francine Sanders

Larry · Francine:Didn't we have him over to the house more than once? / No, we didn't. / You only let me invite each of your friends over one time.

Francine · Larry:Oh, um, working on this piece about Hollywood unions. I was interviewing some of the tech people here. Lot of productions going up to Canada, and some of these guys are really — / You look great.

Francine · Larry:I heard you had a heart attack or something. / Your wife left you, but I didn't hear about the Emmy — / Yeah, we didn't get nominated again. / Aw, I'm sorry. Those are such nice statues.

Larry · Francine:Now I'm just gonna — I built all these bookshelves, I'm gonna have to put books on 'em. / Which fools nobody. / Don't I know.

Francine · Larry:Yeah. You come here a lot, huh? / No, I don't. / Really? Mm-mmm. / There's a caricature of you over there on the wall. / Oh, that's Barbra Streisand.

Francine · Larry:Hmm. That looks exactly like you. / Well, you know, these aren't supposed to be flattering. Caricatures never are.

Larry · Francine:You see Nick Nolte over there? Look, he looks like Rose Marie. / Oh, look. I thought that was Gene Autry. / Huh? No. That's Nick Nolte.

Francine · Larry:Then why are you waving at him? / Because he's waving at me. / He's a very powerful man. He could get me a movie. / Do you want a movie? / No, but it would be nice to be asked.

Francine · Larry:Stop waving. / I can't stop waving. / Help me stop. Do something. / Just — [sighs] / You just gave Mike Ovitz the finger.

Francine · Larry:What is wrong with you? / Would you stop? / Stop what? / He didn't even see it. He saw you. He doesn't need to see it. He can feel it. He's an agent.

Francine:You know how many times he gets flipped off behind his back in a given week? He's sitting there right now going, 'Wow, someone just flipped me off.' It comes from deep down in those guys.

Francine · Larry:Boy, you have really changed. / I know. / I like it. / Yeah? / Yeah, but you gotta be careful 'cause someone's gonna shoot you in this town if you flip 'em off like that.

Larry · Francine:What if I told you I have a gun? / You have a gun? / Yes, I do. / Jesus, you've changed. / I know.

Artie · Francine:[Beep] Larry, it's Artie. I know you went to dinner with Francine, but, Jesus, God, lad, I'm warning you, don't have sex with her. / Larry?

Francine · Larry Sanders:'He's gay, you know.' / 'He is not gay.' / 'He's gayer than a French horn.' / 'I had sex with him.'

Francine:The long sigh and silence after Larry turns off the TV — Francine watching the broadcast

Larry Sanders · Francine:'What are the odds that you would have slept with the same three people on one show in one night?' — Larry's bewildered accounting

Larry Sanders · Francine:'Three? ... Me. That would be me. I would be the third.' / 'I didn't realize you were counting the host.'

Francine:'I didn't sleep with Ed Begley or the man who plays the piano with his ass!'

Francine · Larry Sanders:"My God, maybe I should just make you a list of everybody I've ever slept with." / "You know what? Maybe you should."

Francine · Larry Sanders:'Maybe I should just make you a list of everybody I've ever slept with.' / 'You know what? Maybe you should.' ... 'And, uh, I'll be wanting a list from you.' / 'That's a different thing.'

Larry Sanders · Francine:Larry narrows the list criteria down: 'Legitimate acts of penetration... oral sex... and I think heavy petting, don't you?' / 'If you keep narrowing it down like this, I'm not going to have any names on my list.'

Larry Sanders · Francine:Larry defining parameters for his list: "Legitimate acts of penetration... oral sex... and I think heavy petting, don't you?" / "If you keep narrowing it down like this, I'm not going to have any names on my list."

Francine · Larry Sanders:Larry writing the list furiously and Francine telling him 'You shouldn't write so fast. You're going to pull something. You could throw your wrist out.'

Artie · Francine · Larry Sanders:Artie's entrance upon seeing Francine: 'Francine, what a delight to see you, my dear. We've all missed you. You've done something with your hair.' / 'I cut it shorter.' / 'You're looking well yourself.' / 'How's, uh...' / 'She's just doing wonderfully. I'll send her your regards.'

Francine · Larry Sanders:Francine: 'He hasn't changed a bit.' Larry: 'No.'

Francine:After the cathartic list-tearing, Francine: 'I want the ones you screwed while we were married. I'm making a collage.'

Francine · Larry Sanders:Larry and Francine's moment of reconnection is immediately undercut by Francine's admission: 'I realize that the only reason I went out with Alec and Ed was because I wanted to hurt you.' / 'I can't believe it took six years for you to find out!'

Francine · Larry Sanders:Francine: 'Did I hurt you?' / Larry: 'Really hurt me.' / Francine: 'Good.'

Francine:Hank: 'Does the restaurant have a big crank outside? That's kind of inconvenient — you rush outside every time you want the floor to turn?'

Larry Sanders · Francine:Larry and Francine referencing 'that time in the car' as one of their five dates — 'which, by the way, is not a piece-of-shit Saab'

Francine:"Five if you count that time in the car. Which, by the way, is not a piece-of-shit SAAB, I might say."

Larry Sanders · Francine:'If things go well, you can ream me out later.' / 'It'll be my pleasure.' / 'Really?' / 'Yeah.' / 'OK. I look forward to that.'

Larry Sanders · Francine:Your address is on all those maps. I know. How did you know that? When my sister was in town, she wanted to see where Tony Danza lives.

Francine:I only have time to humor one neurotic obsession. Are we choosing this one? Next time, one of mine?

Francine · Larry Sanders:These people think of you as a god, something beyond an ordinary human. That's one of the things that's fucked about being a celebrity. Yeah, or having living with one or having sex with one or a relationship or whatever we're doing here.

Francine:Oh, it's O.K. It's Tom Hanks. He always jogs at this time. Tom!

Francine:No, I don't live here. I just started seeing my ex-husband again, and I always end up staying over here. I don't know why. Consequently, I end up leaving for work from here, which is a pain in the ass because my apartment is right next to my job.

Larry Sanders · Francine:You know, I really feel like an idiot. You're not an idiot. Everybody gets paranoid nowadays. That's O.K. I don't think I was being paranoid.

Francine · Leo · Larry · Artie:Larry's ex-wife (Francine) walks in and immediately invites Leo to dinner at Larry's house without asking Larry

Artie · Francine:The Leo dinner scene: Artie asks for ice cream, Artie: 'Dairy clogs me up, Francine. I'll stick with my salty dog.'

Artie · Francine · Leo · Larry:Larry confesses he had lunch with Stevie Grant; Leo reacts; Artie immediately offers to help with the dishes: 'Francine, you wash, I'll dry'

Larry · Francine:Cut to Larry at home watching TV, arguing with someone (presumably Francine) about watching a Burt Reynolds rerun, escalating to 'Damn it! You made me miss the earrings.'

Hank · Larry · Francine:Larry and Francine arrive together; Hank greets them as 'Hello, dream couple.' Larry mutters 'Larry's car wouldn't start.' Hank is not listening.

Hank · Francine:Hank gives Francine a Hankerciser and pivots to asking if she'd write an article about it, after Larry has introduced her as a financial reporter covering the L.A. Riots.

Hank · Francine:Hank asks Francine not to overstep 'journalistic, uh...' and she supplies 'propriety?' and he says 'No. Uh... Propriety. Right.' — accepting the word she just gave him as his own.

Hank · Francine:Francine tells Hank she doesn't cover 'fitness fads.' Hank corrects: 'Trends.' Francine: 'Well, whatever.'

Francine · Larry:Francine's rant about celebrities endorsing 'inferior piece-of-shit products' being 'irresponsible.' Larry: 'You're starting to sound like a reporter on A Current Affair.'

Francine · Larry:Francine: 'Here's something you never hear on A Current Affair: Ow. Fuck you. Ow.' Larry: 'You know, I don't believe I ever have heard that on A Current Affair.'

Francine:Francine to Hank: 'I have a bruise the size of a dinner plate on my right butt cheek, OK?'

Hank · Francine:Francine agrees not to write the article, then asks Hank to promise he'll stop selling it. There is a long, loaded pause before Hank says 'Thank you... OK. Thank you very much.'

Larry · Francine:Cut to Larry and Francine: 'He started crying?' / 'No. He was crying. He was — He buckled that fast?'

Francine · Larry:Francine: 'Besides, I'm finishing that article on cellular phones and brain tumors.' Larry: 'Yeah, yeah. Good.'

Francine:Francine tells Larry she's going to call in sick to the show so she can work on the movie — she's not employed on the show

Larry Sanders · Francine:Larry, in bed with Francine, tells her 'If that's work, tell them I'm sick' — then Artie calls and Larry clearly panics

Francine · Larry Sanders:Why not say you're working on your movie? / Because I haven't told anyone about the movie. It's not their business.

Francine · Larry Sanders:There's no reason for Arthur to hate me. / He doesn't hate you. / Oh, good. I just typed 'He doesn't hate you.' / Yes, he does.

Francine · Larry Sanders:Is Lyle the protagonist? / Lyle is a cop. / Yeah, I should wait till it's on video. / Or laser disc. / Surround sound will bring this to life.

Hank Kingsley · Francine:Oh, Francine. / Darlene, is he in? / Yeah. / Oh, uh, Francine. What a delight. / Hello, Hank. / Lovely shoes. Are those new? / No, but thank you.

Hank Kingsley · Artie · Francine:Hank repeatedly announcing 'I am very concerned about Larry's lack of interest in the show' — three times, each time cut off with 'Not now, Hank'

Francine:He's tired of getting hit in the nuts by monkeys.

Francine:Francine pre-empts the intervention: 'They blame me for your loss of interest on the show. Right? Isn't that what you were saying?'

Larry · Francine:Larry: 'I don't feel guilty.' / Francine: 'You shouldn't.' / Larry: 'I just feel so fucking guilty.'

Larry · Francine:Larry tries to ask Francine to move in: 'Yes, in my own I-can't-believe-I-did-it-that-way-myself way. Yes, I am.'

Francine:Francine's concern about moving in: 'I don't want anyone thinking I decorated this house.'

Artie · Hank Kingsley · Larry Sanders · Francine:Larry's girlfriend is now in the photo: Artie directing the photographer — 'Max, with this lighting, I'd use an f-8 stop.' Then Hank arrives uninvited and is immediately invited into the shot over Larry's objections.

Francine · Jerry:Francine arrives, and the plastic vomit is revealed as someone's gift — 'Oh my god. Who threw up? What is that?' / 'That's my gift to Larry.'

Dora · Francine:Mom and dad couldn't believe it when they heard you were back with him. / Mom and dad couldn't believe it the first time I wore pants.

Dora · Francine:Is that Aaron Spelling's house? / No, that's the Mormon Tabernacle.

Francine:I'm a little pissed off. Get off your ass and say hello to my sister.

Francine:Are these for me? That's... nice.

Artie · Francine:God, tonight's show was the cake, but you definitely are the icing. / Don't tell me — this is my sister Dora. / A double dollop of icing.

Francine · Larry:Why is it you think that whatever you're doing is so much more important than whatever I'm doing? / I did not — I never said that.

Francine · Larry:O.K. Well, so, I'll just quit my job, and you'll quit your fucking show, and we'll be like this 24 hours a day. How's that? / Good. That would be great.

Dora · Francine:You have to protect yourself. You have to keep yourself at a safe distance. / I've been keeping myself at such a safe distance from Larry, I'm turning into a jerk.

Larry · Francine:Honey, I'm really so— / This is really good cheese.

Larry Sanders · Francine:'Your mother said what?' / 'My lawyer.' / 'Your— oh.'

Larry Sanders · Francine:'Stop yelling at me!' / 'God, if Hank could only see us like this.' [whispers] 'If Hank could only see us like this.' / 'What?' / 'Nothing.'

Larry Sanders · Francine:'If you like this wedding, maybe we can have ours on the show.' / [beat] / 'I'm... joking.'

Larry Sanders · Francine:'Why don't we go to Hawaii next week? I'm off next week.' / 'Remember when that awful hurricane happened there, and Don Johnson and Melanie Griffith got trapped?'