The One with the Screamer

That's the word l use when l can't remember the real thing.

lt's Chandler and us versus Monica and them.

Whose Number Two? One of the more difficult games sewer workers play.

Bottle next to the shaving cream. -Worm medicine for the duck.

Monica, l'm scared! -Honey, that's a sleeve.

Can you take a duck and a chick to the theater? -Of course not. -l just wanted them to hear it from somebody else.

First ones here!

Oh, Tommy, this is Ross. Ross, Tommy. -Oh, l'm sorry. This is Cailin. Cailin-- -Sorry. -And break!

Well, this is... -...awkward. -Well, because Rachel and l used to go out. -Oh, l didn't know that. -Well, then this is awkward.

You thought? Well, that didn't really work out for you. ldiot! What are you, a moron? lt says, 'D-1 3'! Okay? You're surrounded by even numbers! Does that give you a clue?

Almost as good as the play with the two naked girls on the seesaw. -l wasn't in that. -l know.

l ran into you in the hallway in your building. lt was right after l slept with Joey. He dumped me the next day.

The short version is, l pursued her for a couple of months. Then l gave her a check for $20,000 and she was mine.

ln the long version, l dump him for telling people the short version.

With her face and her chest, l could really put something together. -Could l borrow it?

Tommy's in line for the bathroom and someone just cut. l think he's gonna snap.

l don't know. Could be because l don't feel like waiting all night for a guy who may or may not scream. -He definitely will scream.

Yes!

Thank you, boys and girls. You've ruined my life. Please stuff your talentless faces with my mother's crab cakes!

Does anyone mind if l save this?

l've kept myself busy.

Become a drama critic.

A plague on both your houses!

l gave up a job too. -Really? What? -Declawing cats.

You're sweet and cute. -l know. That's why they trashed me.

You never went out with an actress before?

Why can't l just pick someone like you? -Thanks. -You know what l mean. l mean, like, the sweetest guy.

No, no, l'm fine. And you know why? Because of all the riboflavin.

Yeah, last time l was at Pete's we just watched a movie of us that we'd made earlier.

l'm so, so sorry. l am definitely gonna see your play. l swear, your play is very important to us. Thank you for your patience. Your play is the next play l'm gonna see.

You had 'the night'! When two people realize their feelings for each other and they talk for hours and learn all about the other person. -Did you learn about her family? -Two brothers. One died! -Yes!

Sorry. She thought you were somebody else.

7:1 5. -Watch doesn't work.

Yeah, and at the end of the play he got up, and he just started, like, banging his hands together.

What is in the cup? -Okay, it's coffee. -lced coffee? Tell me it's iced coffee. -lt's hot-- -Hot coffee! You idiot! You gonna spill hot coffee all over me, huh? What are you? Just a big, stupid doofy idiot with a doofy idiot hairdo?

Sorry! Sorry l'm late! My duck and my chick had a fight. lt was ugly.

Gross! ldiot! Stupid, little, fuzzy, yellow creature! Oh, look at me! l'm so cute! l'm a little chick who's disgusting! You're so stupid! How are you not yet extinct? What are you quacking about? Dumb Donald Dodo!

l'm gonna get on this spaceship and l'm gonna go to Blaargon-7 in search of alternative fuels. But when l return 200 years from now you'll be long gone but l won't have aged at all.

Phoebe, 800 is toll free. 801 is Utah.

Yeah, every big Utah-based company has one.

Well, l think l broke it. But that's all right. Here's the number where you can call.