The One with Ross's Grant

I'm just so exhausted from dragging around this huge engagement ring.

Yeah, big surprise, I like proposals.

To Phoebe and... I want to say 'Mike'?

Give it to one of your other single girlfriends. I would, but you're the last one.

'Guy in Van'? Oh, my first love.

What does the red X next to Bob Gremore's name mean? Dead.

Oh, it's okay. No, he was old. Yeah. And he lived a full life. He was in the first wave at Omaha Beach.

I should've given you guys my black book when I got married. Although, it wasn't so much a book as a napkin.

With Janice's phone number on it.

Phoebe, isn't Jethro Tull a band? Oh, yes, they are.

Hell, you weren't there. All the ideas were mine.

[IN OLD MAN'S VOICE] I'm old. [YAWNING] Huh, I'm tired, huh? [IN NORMAL VOICE] Oh, I am hot. I'm cold, huh? Come on, what can't I do?

First of all, bravo.

Hello, I'm your professor. When I'm not busy thinking of important things, or professing...

Oh, what's the product? Software that facilitates inter-business networking e-solutions. I'm cold.

I'll give you a hint. He's looking right at you. Huh, well, unless it's the creepy guy with his hand up his kilt...

including five guys I went to graduate school with. Not that I'm keeping score, or anything. Five.

It'll be the first time my name is in there... without people raising serious questions about my work.

Wow, your new boyfriend is screwed.

He does have a pretty serious latex fetish. We'll see how dinner goes.

I just happen to have my label maker. [CHUCKLES]

Who's Gladys? [GASPS] Oh, what a tragic loss.

Oh, what, you don't like her? Heh, of course I do. What's not to like?

Damn it, I did not think this through.

Rach, don't I seem like a professor you'd buy some kind of e-crap from?

This is what I do for a living. I am a professional actor. Oh, man, I'm two hours late for work.

And that's something they should learn on their own.

Joey, for God's sake, go to work. [INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

Do you think there's any chance he'll bring Christie Brinkley or C-3PO?

Well, I am having a good hair day.

[CLEARS THROAT] Ahem, I'm okay.

Oh, it's an honor to meet you. I can't tell you how long... I've been an admirer of your work. I mean, that Nobel Prize, uh, whoo!

Oh, well, uh, likewise. Uh, not likewise. I'd never heard of you until this morning. But it's nice to be nice.

Do you remember the night? Oh, my God. I completely forgot. I can't believe they let us back in this place.

You weren't there. Ha, ha. No, but, you know, it's just a funny image.

Well, yes and no. Yes, I did say it. And no, I didn't not say it.

If you say, yes, then I'm serious. If you say, no, then I'm joking. No. Joking it is.

But he's gonna let me keep my box of human hair.

So you gotta pick your battles.

In her house? I am so jealous.

No, but I want to. But I don't want you to. But I insist. But I insist harder.

No, no, that's okay. You won fair and square. I'm so sad.

But, uh, my bosses didn't go for it. Stupid sons of bitches.

Look, it's one thing not to cast me, but to lie to me? I'm not lying to you. I watched it. Ah, you lied again. I did. Keep going, Pinocchio.

And Dr. Geller, when is my birthday? What? I... Uh. Care to venture a guess? May 12? That's not even kind of close.

Dr. Geller, which 1965 Shirelles hit... was later covered by a popular British Invasion band? [MOUTHS] What?

What? I need six graduate students. No, I'm sorry. We were looking for 'Baby It's You.'

Spell 'Boscodictiasaur.' Um, I've never heard of a 'Boscodictiasaur.' Yeah, I just made it up. Spell it.

B-O... No, it starts with a silent M. Oh, come on!

But you are a liar. What did I just say?

So before you lie about lying about lying about lying about lying... Stop lying.

Ichiban. Ichiban, lipstick for men.

And that's how I know you didn't watch the tape. He really is a chameleon.

Oh, she is so nice and big.

Yeah, yeah, and you can get rid of that French poster. I like that poster. Really? It doesn't have anything coming out of it.

Really? There is just, uh, one small stipulation. I have to break up with Charlie? Hey, you got one right.

You're crazy. Crazy or romantic? Crazy. Or? Get out!

Joey, what is this thing doing here? I got her from Monica. She sold it to me for a very reasonable price.

But it's an original Buffay. All right, fine. You can keep it. As long as you don't mind that she's haunted.

Well, legend has it, Joey, that she comes alive when you're asleep. She climbs out of the frame... and then drags her half-a-body across the floor... just looking for legs to steal.

And then with her one good hand... she slowly reaches up... and turns your doorknob. Get that legless witch out of here!

She's mine. She's mine. She's yours. She's yours. Hey. She's mine. She's mine.

Whoever doesn't get Gladys, gets Glynnis.

Now what do you say? Lying is wrong. And? And? I'm a pretty little girl.

Who was the voice of Underdog? Well, if it's like the Lake Mbosco in Congo, then M-B-O... Damn it.

I think about you all the time. Do you ever still think about me? No. Yes. What?

Okay, that's it, we are seeing other people.

Gladys? [SCREAMS]

For the third time this week. Man, this does not get old. You're mean! Oh, don't be such a baby. Please. [SCREAMS]