Shework And S Bucket

Ilana:Ilana gives her full financial backstory unprompted at what appears to be a job interview or office tour, including the bed bug shutdown and 'I'm clean now. I'm... I'm fully clean.'

Interviewer:The interviewer's reaction: 'Uh, wow, uh, usually, we don't get everybody's back story. That's, uh, surprising. Living on the edge.'

Ilana · Co-working rep:Ilana negotiates her rent DOWN at a co-working space — 'It'd be $500 a month.' 'Okay, I was thinking more like $1,000.'

Ilana · Co-working rep:Ilana realizes she thought she was interviewing for the office manager job, not renting a desk. 'We're the office manager.'

Abbi:Abbi shows up at the wrong address — '495 Broadway.' '490.' 'Pffft! Classic me.'

Abbi:Abbi calls out the YouWork business model to the rep's face: storing people in closets, luring them with 'high-end perks' that are 'a bag of beer in a trash can under a counter.'

Co-working rep:Rep responds to Abbi's takedown of the YouWork scam with 'That is fucking genius.'

Fernando · Abbi:Fernando the super catalogues what's clogging Abbi's toilet: 'toilet paper's not gonna make it through these old pipes, much less your tampons and maxi pads with wings for heavy flow'

Abbi:Abbi's correction: 'Okay, first of all, I have an extra-heavy flow.'

Fernando:Fernando reveals that all residents use a separate garbage can for used toilet paper and 'they don't make a stink about it.' Beat. 'Stink.'

Abbi:Abbi: 'So I can't poop, wipe, and flush in my own apartment?'

Abbi · Fernando:Abbi: 'I mean, that's some third-world shit.' Fernando: 'You mean developing nation.' Abbi: 'I-I-I did mean that. That is... That is right.'

Fernando:Fernando: 'Well, I grew up using a shit bucket. And I did not mean that in a bad way. I meant it in a great way. Growing up like that is dope.'

Abbi:Abbi immediately decides to get a shit bucket: 'You know what? I'm gonna get one. I'm just gonna get one. I'll get a shit bucket.'

Ilana:Ilana can't find her interview location: 'All right, where the fuck was this interview supposed to be? Shit, phone...' followed by her dropping/fumbling her phone

Ilana:Ilana looks around at the city chaos around her and says simply: 'I love this city.'

Abbi:Series of collisions and 'sorry / oh shit / sorry / oh no' as Abbi navigates a busy sidewalk, clearly bumping into multiple people

Abbi · Stranger:Abbi, after all those collisions, passes a newcomer and says 'I just moved here.' The stranger responds flatly: 'Cool.'

Ilana · Linda:Ilana spots and recognizes Linda Lodi on the street — the reunion energy and Ilana's genuine excitement at bumping into her former boss

Linda:Linda's screenplay is titled 'We Lost Grandma at the Water Park' — she insists it's 'a drama, actually.'

Linda · Ilana:Linda's complaint: she wants a place to smoke while working, and argues that anti-smoking policies are discriminatory: 'Anti-smoking is discriminatory.'

Ilana · Linda:Ilana reveals her SheWork pricing: '50 cents a minute.' Linda immediately agrees and pays for 40-45 minutes on the spot.

Abbi · BB&B employee:Abbi tries to explain her plumbing issue; employee immediately pre-empts: 'Say no more. Bath accessories.'

Ilana:Ilana calls Abbi mid-BB&B trip: 'Can you grab me six power strips and six extension cords and meet me at that place where that dude gave you that condom stat?'

Abbi:Abbi sees the setup Ilana has built and reacts: 'Holy shit bucket.'

Ilana:Ilana announces: 'Welcome to SheWork. We are officially open for shiz-ness.'

Abbi:Abbi's first impression of SheWork: 'I see a bunch of... no offense... trash furniture and two people smoking cigarettes.'

Ilana:Ilana's SheWork pitch: 'If parkour is using the city as your gym, SheWork is using the city as your office.'

Abbi:Abbi: 'So, correct me if I'm wrong. People are paying you to use the free public charging stations?'

Ilana:Ilana's defense of SheWork: 'So what? All the great male entrepreneurs do it, okay? They take something that already exists, claim it was their idea, throw in some fancy furniture, and charge double for it.'

Abbi · Ilana:Abbi: 'For letting people sit on your junk and smoke?' Ilana: 'Exactly.'

Ilana · Abbi:Ilana on smoking: 'Okay, smoking is obvs heinous... But who am I to judge a nicotine addiction? I mean, I'm... fully addicted to weed.' Abbi: 'True.'

Ilana · Abbi:The trash can Abbi brought from BB&B turns out to be her shit bucket: 'Actually, a trash can is the only thing we don't need here at SheWork.' 'No, no, no. This is actually mine, uh, my shit bucket.'

Ilana:Ilana's response to the shit bucket reveal: 'Okay, um... Who, what, how, when, where, and why?'

Abbi:Abbi confesses: 'I was standing there, and I was just, like, so stunned by what was going on, I got bullied into buying a shit bucket.'

Ilana:Ilana's scheme continued: plant the tit copies in Fernando's office, then say 'I-I think it might be Fernando, and while we're on the topic, why are we shitting in buckets?'

Abbi:Abbi counters Ilana's tit-scan plan with a boring grassroots petition: 'Okay, what if I print out a petition... I go around to my neighbors... I get the full signed petition, take it back to Fernando, and I'm like, Majority rules, man. Change is coming.'

Ilana:Ilana: 'Ooh, you are full-blown grassroots. You are the Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez of Astoria. You're the Jewish Shirley Chisholm of toilets.'

Abbi · Ilana:Abbi: 'Yes, I am gonna shit in my toilet and flush.' Ilana: 'Yes. Go get your bucket and take care of your shit.'

Ilana · Linda:Ilana checks on Linda: 'How's that Wi-Fi working, L.L.?' Linda: 'Ha, ha. Charging Station-Guest is coming in clear as day.'

Ilana · Linda:Ilana asks Linda to 'watch the fort' while she expands. Linda's 'Would I?' — Ilana interprets it as enthusiasm; Linda clearly meant it as a rhetorical 'no.'

Neighbor · Abbi:Neighbor opens the door: 'I don't want to buy any Girl Scout Cookies.' Abbi: 'No, no, no. I-I'm not a Girl Scout anymore.'

Abbi:Abbi: 'No, no, no. I-I'm not a Girl Scout anymore. I'm a grown... I-I'm actually your neighbor.'

Neighbor · Abbi:Abbi tries to say she's their neighbor; neighbor says 'I have lived in this building for 31 years, and I've never seen you.'

Neighbor:Abbi tries to pivot to the plumbing problem but the neighbor attacks oat milk and Sriracha: 'You hippies are the reason that sandwiches in this neighborhood cost $16 with your Sriracha and your oat milk. What's wrong with cow milk?!'

Abbi · Neighbor:Neighbor praises Bevers for bringing 'delicious cheeses'; Abbi has to confirm 'That's... That's Bevers'

Neighbor · Abbi:Neighbor: 'Cow's milk makes me have to shit!' Abbi: 'Which is what I came here to talk to you about in the first place.'

Ilana:Cut to Ilana at SheWork, clearly flourishing: 'Ooh, God, I'm rich. This city's full of trash.'

Abbi · Neighbor:Abbi enters the tenant meeting and announces: 'I know you're looking at me like I'm the hot, young new kid on the block.' Neighbor: 'You're young?'

Neighbors · Abbi:One neighbor recognizes Abbi: 'I know you. 4H, right?' Then: 'Oh, you're the chick who pegged Jeremy.' Multiple neighbors chime in with details about Jeremy's moaning.

Abbi:Abbi's community rally speech: 'Maybe you only know me as the chick who pegged Jeremy. I'm... I'm fine with that.'

Neighbor:After Abbi's impassioned 'We can be the change we wish to see — let's say no to shit buckets,' one neighbor says: 'I love Jeremy. If he let her peg, we can probably trust her.'

Abbi:The neighbor's endorsement leads to the full building's buy-in — 'All right. / My man.' — and Abbi immediately says 'Let's take a quick pic, cause what is activism without posting it on Instagram, right? I don't know if it exists.'

Ilana · Linda:Ilana has acquired a new client; when Linda sees: 'Linda, you exquisite genius! May I kiss you?' Linda says yes; Ilana does, then: 'Mm, smoky. So tender.'

Abbi · Fernando:Abbi calls Fernando in for a meeting at SheWork, treating the outdoor sidewalk setup as a formal business conference.

Abbi · Fernando:Abbi presents Fernando with the petition and says 'Change is gonna come, my friend.' Then: 'I think you're gonna want to take a look at this.' Fernando looks, then: 'This is not good.'

Abbi · Fernando:Abbi: 'Fernando, no disrespect to your country...' Fernando: 'I'm from Flushing. I grew up 10 minutes from here.' Abbi: 'I apologize.'

Abbi · Fernando:After Fernando agrees to pass along the demands, Abbi says to herself: 'I'm the Rosa Parks of poop.' Fernando: 'What?'

Ilana:Ilana runs SheWork like a full business, greeting clients by name: 'Morty, you want a fresh one? And, Ms. Katherine, anything for you? Yes, girl. Bev, anything? She on a diet. I get it. James, anything? Got a birthday coming up. Debbie, snack, smoke?'

Ilana:'I'm not a business bitch. I am a business, bitch! SheWork, where your lungs are your goddamn business.'

Ilana · YouWork reps:Ilana threatens YouWork: 'I hooked up with someone very high up in the human resources department of Twitter once.' YouWork rep: 'One second to side bar?'

YouWork reps:YouWork reps confer: 'I don't want to fuck with Twitter again.' 'I don't like the sound of that.' 'Plus we have to play them in soccer this weekend.' 'Oh, my God. We'd never hear the end of it.'

YouWork reps · Ilana:YouWork offers Ilana $100 to go away. The negotiation: '$100 / $900 / $100 / $800' down to '$500, and that's my final offer. Fine.'

Abbi · Ilana:After accepting $500, Abbi says: 'I guess we're not getting a mani-mani-pedi.' Ilana: 'Man. Yeah, yeah, mm, mm. It's Friday. That's our thing. I know it is, but it's okay.'

Ilana:Ilana thanks her SheWork clients: 'You made me realize how beautiful yellow teeth and brown fingernails and hair that smells like soot can be, so thank you for that.'

Client · Ilana:After the big shutdown, a client reveals: 'I paid a week in advance.' Ilana: 'You know, the market is just so up and down, brother. It's, you know, the market.'

Linda:The abandoned Linda subplot: SheWork is closing; Linda's computer has been stolen and she can't find her son. 'Where's my computer? / Who took my computer? / My screenplay! / Christian? / Where's my kid?'

Abbi · Ilana:Abbi has been using the shit bucket AS an actual toilet: 'Man, the beauty of that bucket is that I'm squatting so low to reach it, so I'm, like, in Squatty Potty position. It's almost like a two-for-one.' Ilana: 'Hold on. You shit in the bucket? You're only supposed to put toilet paper in the bucket.'

Abbi:After learning she's been using the bucket wrong: 'See... Okay. Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.'

Abbi:Abbi's response to realizing she's been misusing the bucket: 'Okay. Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.'

Ilana:Ilana: 'Those assholes! They stole my idea. I knew I should've done an equity split.'

Abbi · Ilana:Abbi's pep talk: 'We are still two badass activated women. I mean, Ilana, you founded and sold a company in one day.' Ilana: 'That's right.'