George quits his job in a huff after he is demoted to using the regular bathroom. Newman tells Kramer that he plans to jump off the building. Jerry suggests that George just go back into work next Monday morning and pretend like nothing happened; however, that doesn't work. Newman jumps, from the second floor. George plots revenge, and with Elaine's help, tries to slip his boss "a Mickey." Jerry suspects that his launderer is a larcenist after he discovers that $1500 he had stashed in his laundry bag is missing. Kramer helps Jerry get revenge by bringing a bag of concrete in to put into one of the wash machines.
Early Seinfeld finds its rhythm: 57 jokes in 22 minutes, driven by character escalation over punchlines.
Directed by Tom Cherones · Written by Larry David
WAR
108
Wins Above Replacement
“The Revenge” ranks #91 of 168 Seinfeld episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 94.4 — Elite. The episode packs 78 scored jokes at 3.7 per minute, averaging 7.4 on craft and 7.4 on impact, with Jerry landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Jerry: Newman, if you're gonna do it, at least have the decency to leave a note.
Jerry: I mean, what am I supposed to tell people? 'Oh, Newman? Yeah, he killed himself.' No goodbye, no explanation. It's very inconsiderate.
Kramer Jerry Reaction Beat Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Callback Jerry: Newman, you're not gonna kill yourself.
Newman: Oh yeah? Watch me!
Jerry: Newman, don't be ridiculous.
Kramer: I think he means it, Jerry.
Newman: That's right! I'm doing it!
Jerry Kramer Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Kramer: Yeah, we were up at Lake George, and I'm telling you, we made a video. A very personal video.
Jerry: Oh no.
Kramer: Oh yes. And we watched it back, and let me tell you, I had no idea I looked like that.
Jerry George Deadpan/Understatement Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Jerry: You know, the best revenge is living well.
George: I'm unemployed and living with my parents.
Levitan · George: Levitan tells George: 'Maybe I've been a little rough on you... I want you to come back. And you can use my bathroom anytime you want.'
All Jokes — 78 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Jerry: You know what's funny about criminals on TV covering their faces? They're worried about their reputation. You're a mass murderer! Your reputation is already shot!
Jerry Observational Setup/Punchline Jerry: You know, if you think about it, mass murder is just like office politics. You've got your chain of command, your territorial disputes, people fighting over resources...
Jerry: The only difference is instead of a memo about the coffee machine, someone's getting eliminated.
Jerry Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Boss: You know, I've been thinking about your performance here. You've got real talent for eliminating people.
Boss: How would you like to transfer to our collections department?
George Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Kramer: Yeah, we were up at Lake George, and I'm telling you, we made a video. A very personal video.
Jerry: Oh no.
Kramer: Oh yes. And we watched it back, and let me tell you, I had no idea I looked like that.
Jerry George Deadpan/Understatement Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch George: You know what? I'm sick of this! I'm sick of you, I'm sick of this job, I'm sick of sitting in this office!
George: You're incompetent! You're a fraud! You're the worst boss I've ever had!
George: And your toupee looks ridiculous! RIDICULOUS!
George: I'm done! I'm finished! No more George! You can take this job and—
George: Actually, you know what? I quit! I QUIT! And if I ever see you again, I'm gonna—I'm gonna spit on you!
Jerry Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Newman: I'm going to kill myself.
Jerry: Oh, please do.
Jerry Deadpan/Understatement Dark/Subversive Callback Jerry: What is it with you and threatening to kill yourself? Every time something doesn't go your way, it's 'I'm gonna kill myself.' Do you know how annoying that is?
Newman: Well, what do you want me to do?
Jerry: I want you to stop saying it! You're making my life very difficult. I'm not a suicide prevention hotline. I have my own problems.
Jerry Irony/Sarcasm Deadpan/Understatement Jerry: You know, Newman, if you're going to do something, you should really commit to it. You start things and never finish them. But you know what? If you actually went through with it, I'd have to respect that. That would be the one thing you'd actually follow through on.
Jerry Character Comedy Observational Jerry: Newman, I know you're going through a rough time, but suicide? Come on, that's not the answer.
Newman: Nobody cares about me, Jerry. My life means nothing.
Jerry: That's not true. Look, I care about you. We all do.
Newman: Really?
Jerry: No, not really. But that shouldn't matter to you. I mean, your life is already meaningless—why rush it?
Jerry Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jerry: I can't mix my laundry with yours. Your clothes are like gang members - they're gonna come out of the dryer looking for a fight.
Kramer: What are you talking about?
Jerry: Your stuff shrinks everything. It's like putting a fresh fish in a tank with piranhas.
Jerry Absurdist Escalation Callback Jerry: It's like different gangs, you know? Each apartment has its own territory, its own colors, its own way of doing things.
George: Yeah, and when the clothes start mixing, it's like a turf war.
Kramer: A turf war? This is a full-scale prison riot! We're talking shivs made out of hangers, socks being used as weapons, a complete breakdown of the laundry system!
Jerry: It's not that serious.
Kramer: Not serious? I saw a pair of khakis stabbed in the dryer!
Jerry Absurdist Escalation Callback Jerry: You know your clothes?
Kramer: Know them? Jerry, we live together.
Jerry: I have separate machines for different clothes. It's like I'm running a laundromat in my apartment.
Jerry: I can't mix the whites with the colors. What am I, some kind of fabric racist?
Jerry: And if a colored shirt even looks at a white shirt, I have to quarantine it. It's like doing laundry in a hazmat suit.
George Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Callback Jerry: You know what I've realized? George doesn't care about the work. He doesn't care about being good at his job. All he cares about is having access to a clean bathroom whenever he wants.
George: That's not true!
Jerry: George, you got fired because you were angry about the bathroom situation. You spent more time worried about where the bathroom was than actually doing your job.
George: Well, a man has needs!
Jerry Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy ★ Rewatch George: I'm going to go right to the top. I don't even want to start in the minors. I want to go straight to general manager of the New York Yankees.
Jerry: You can't just walk in there with no experience and become general manager of the Yankees.
George: Why not? It's not like they're doing so great. Maybe they need someone with a fresh perspective, someone who's not afraid to shake things up.
George Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch George: I'm a color commentator. I add color to the proceedings.
George: I'm like a painter, you know? I'm painting a picture with my words.
George: The people at home, they're not just watching the game, they're experiencing an entire canvas of emotion and insight.
Jerry Deadpan/Understatement Reaction Beat George: Wait, wait, wait. You have to have experience to get a job? What kind of system is this?
George Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm George: You know, this is exactly what's wrong with the unions. They don't care about merit or ability. It's all about who you know and how long you've been in. I could be a great projectionist if they'd just give me a chance!
George: You know, I could be a talk show host.
Jerry: George, what are you talking about?
George: I'm serious. Someone told me I'd be good at it.
Jerry: Who? Who told you that?
George: A couple of people, actually.
George: How hard could it be? I'll just walk up to Johnny Carson and tell him I want his job.
Jerry: Yeah, that's a great approach. I'm sure he'll step right aside.
George: Why not? People do it all the time.
Jerry: What people? Name one person who walked up to a talk show host and got their job.
George: Well... there's gotta be someone.
George Character Comedy Absurdist George: I can't believe I quit like that. I just walked out. What was I thinking?
Jerry: So don't quit.
George: What do you mean, don't quit? I already quit.
Jerry: So un-quit. Just go back in there tomorrow like nothing happened.
George: I can't just go back in there.
Jerry: Why not? Everyone just ignores reality anyway. It's the key to life.
Jerry Deadpan/Understatement Irony/Sarcasm Jerry: George can get away with pretending because nobody expects anything from him anyway.
Jerry: If George told you he was an astronaut, you'd be like, 'Yeah, that tracks.'
Jerry Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Jerry: You know what I hate? The office greeting. You see someone in the morning, you say 'Hi.' Then you see them again by the coffee machine, what do you do? You can't say 'Hi' again. It's like you just said it.
Jerry: So you do a nod. A little nod. 'Hey.' Then you see them again by the copier. Now you're in trouble. The nod's been used. You can't nod again.
Jerry: So now you gotta do something else. Maybe a wave? A little wave? By the third time you see somebody, you're basically just making eye contact and hoping they don't notice you.
Jerry: I'm running out of ways to greet people. 'Hey,' 'hello,' 'what's up' — I've used them all.
Jerry: So now I'm just making up nicknames. 'Hey there, chief!' 'What's going on, ace?' 'How ya doing, sport?'
Jerry: People have no idea what I'm talking about. But at least it's fresh.
Jerry Observational Physical/Slapstick George: What are you talking about? I didn't quit. I'm still here. I come in every day, I do my work, everything's fine.
Coworker: George, you told Mr. Pitt you were quitting yesterday.
George: No I didn't. You're crazy. That never happened.
Coworker: There were witnesses.
George: Witnesses to what? Nothing happened. I don't know what you're talking about.
George Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Callback Bill: So how was your weekend?
Jerry: It was good.
Bill: Yeah? Do anything interesting?
Jerry: Not really. Took my nephew out on a boat.
Bill: A boat! That kid's a natural sailor! A natural! I'm telling you, that kid's got sailor written all over him. Sailor! He should be a sailor. That's a sailor right there. Natural sailor!
Ava: I couldn't come in Friday because my car broke down.
Bill: Your car broke down? That's too bad. I bet you had to get under there and tinker with it all day.
George: I'm not quitting! I'm joking! See? I'm joking!
Boss: You're not funny.
George: I know I'm not funny. That's why nobody laughs at my jokes.
George Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Callback Mr. Steinbrenner: You called me a 'short, stocky, slow-witted bald man.' You said my brain was 'the size of a peanut.' You said I had 'the artistic sense of a chimpanzee.'
George: That's just teasing. That's what we do. We tease each other.
George Dan Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Dan: Well, I wouldn't say you joke around all the time.
Rick: You're a winner! You're a winner! You're a winner! You know what you are? You're a winner!
Rick: And you know what he is? He's a loser! He's a loser! He's a loser! That's what he is, a big loser!
Rick: You're a winner and he's a loser. Winner, loser. Winner, loser. That's the difference!
George Setup/Punchline Absurdist George: I'm gonna get him back. I'm gonna do something so classic, so timeless, it'll make him regret the day he ever crossed George Costanza.
George: I'm thinking... I put a horse head in his bed. You know, like in The Godfather. That's what I'm gonna do.
Jerry Deadpan/Understatement Irony/Sarcasm Jerry: So let me get this straight. You're gonna slip Mickey Finns to women at a coffee shop?
George: It's foolproof!
Jerry: George, you look like Peter Lorre. You can't just walk around putting things in women's drinks looking like Peter Lorre.
Jerry Meta/Self-Referential Reaction Beat George: I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna walk up to her and I'm gonna say it.
Jerry: What are you gonna say?
George: I don't know, something. I'll think of something.
Jerry: Well, let me know how it goes.
George: I'm just gonna do what I've seen in the movies. You know, I'll look her in the eye, and I'll say something charming and witty.
Jerry: That should work.
George: It's gotta work. It works in the movies.
Jerry Deadpan/Understatement Absurdist George: I know a guy.
Jerry: You know a guy? What guy? Where do you know this guy from?
George: Around.
Jerry: Around? George, you don't know any guys. You know me, and you know Bob Sacamano's father.
George Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Jerry: You know, the best revenge is living well.
George: I'm unemployed and living with my parents.
Jerry: Newman, you're not gonna kill yourself.
Newman: Oh yeah? Watch me!
Jerry: Newman, don't be ridiculous.
Kramer: I think he means it, Jerry.
Newman: That's right! I'm doing it!
Jerry Kramer Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Jerry: Newman, if you're gonna do it, at least have the decency to leave a note.
Jerry: I mean, what am I supposed to tell people? 'Oh, Newman? Yeah, he killed himself.' No goodbye, no explanation. It's very inconsiderate.
Kramer Jerry Reaction Beat Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Callback Kramer: He jumped off the little step.
Jerry: What step?
Kramer: You know, the step. In front of the building.
Jerry: Newman, I know what you're doing. You're not really hurt.
Newman: I am too hurt, Jerry. I'm in terrible pain.
Jerry: Oh come on. This is revenge, isn't it? You're trying to make me feel guilty.
Newman: I don't know what you're talking about.
Jerry: Yes you do. You throw yourself down the stairs and now you want me to suffer.
Jerry Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Laundromat Owner: You see this sign? 'Not responsible for lost or stolen items.' That's not just a sign, that's a declaration of independence. This laundromat is its own country. You cross that threshold, you're in my jurisdiction now. I have no laws here. It's anarchy. It's beautiful.
Jerry: So the laundromat guy, he's got a license to steal. I'm like, what are you, James Bond? You're stealing quarters from people's dryers!
George: A license to steal? What does that even mean?
Jerry: I don't know, but he acts like he's on some covert operation. 'I'm going in. The laundry is secure. Quarters acquired.' It's not a spy thriller, it's a laundromat!
Kramer Irony/Sarcasm Deadpan/Understatement Jerry: You know what your boss looks like? A fish. A big fish.
George: What kind of fish?
Jerry: A grouper. A big ugly grouper.
Jerry Deadpan/Understatement Irony/Sarcasm Elaine: I'm not talking about revenge. I'm just saying, if someone were to, say, pour a little salt in the gas tank, loosen a few lug nuts, maybe deflate the tires slightly...
Jerry: That's sabotage!
Elaine: It's not sabotage. It's just... automotive suggestions.
George Deadpan/Understatement Visual Gag ★ Rewatch Jerry: George is like Lex Luthor.
Elaine: What do you mean?
Jerry: He's always plotting, always scheming. He's got this elaborate plan in his head.
Elaine: George is not Lex Luthor.
Jerry: No, no, no. Think about it. He's bald, he's angry, he's obsessed with getting revenge on people who've wronged him.
Elaine Irony/Sarcasm Deadpan/Understatement Elaine: Achoo!
Kramer: Bless you!
Elaine: Thank you so much! I cannot thank you enough for that blessing. You have literally saved my life. I was on the brink of complete and utter disaster, and your kind words pulled me back from the edge. I will spend the rest of my days indebted to you. You are a saint, a hero, a beacon of light in this dark world. I will erect a statue in your honor. Future generations will speak your name in reverence. Thank you, thank you, a thousand times thank you!
Kramer: You're welcome.
Elaine: So, uh, how have you been?
Rick: Oh, you know, great! Been spending a lot of time at this wonderful nudist colony upstate. Really liberating. Last weekend I was playing volleyball completely naked, and let me tell you, the chafing was—
Elaine: Okay, that's great, Rick.
George Character Comedy Absurdist Rick: So I've been thinking about joining a nudist colony.
Jerry: A nudist colony? Rick, come on.
Rick: What? It's natural, it's freeing. You should try it.
George: I'm not getting naked in front of strangers.
Rick: That's the thing though. I've already started working naked at the office.
Elaine: You're WHAT?
Rick: Yeah, just in my cubicle. Under the desk mostly.
Jerry: Rick, you're getting fired.
Elaine Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Woman: Well hello there...
Rick: Uh, hi.
Woman: I couldn't help but notice you from across the room. You seem... interesting.
Rick: Oh, thanks.
Woman: Tell me, do you believe in fate? Because I think we were meant to meet tonight.
Rick: Really? Because I was just thinking about leaving.
Woman: Get out of my chair!
George: This is my chair. I sit here every day.
Woman: I'm going to pull your wig off!
George: I don't wear a wig!
Woman: One... two... three...
George Absurdist Character Comedy Elaine: Elaine sneezes in front of the mark. The man says 'God bless you.' Elaine thanks him with elaborate sincerity: 'I mean that. I am not one of those people who gives insincere thank-yous.'
Elaine Observational Character Comedy Elaine · Man at party: Elaine: 'People don't say "God bless you" as much as they used to. Have you noticed that?' Man: 'No.' — long beat
Rick Dalton: You know what, George? I've been thinking about you. You're a good guy.
George Costanza: Really?
Rick Dalton: Yeah, I like you. We should hang out sometime.
George Costanza: That's great!
Rick Dalton: But first, I'm going to give you a Mickey.
Elaine Misdirection Character Comedy Rick: Welcome back, George. We're all glad you're here.
Rick: You know, it's not every day someone comes back after being fired. Most people would be too embarrassed to show their face.
Rick: But not you, George. You have a special kind of... confidence. Or is it obliviousness?
Rick: Either way, we admire your willingness to just move forward, pretending nothing happened. It takes a certain kind of person to do that.
Jerry: This has to be Kramer's money. It got mixed up in my laundry.
Kramer: My money? Jerry, I don't know anything about that.
Jerry: Well it didn't come from my pants!
Jerry: You ever notice how in the movies, when someone gets revenge, it's always so satisfying? They do this whole elaborate thing, they get the bad guy back, and the music swells and everyone's happy. But in real life, revenge is never like that. In real life, you're still upset after you get revenge. You're like, 'Well, I got him back, but now I feel empty inside.' That's not a movie ending. That's therapy.
Jerry: They always say 'living well is the best revenge.' Have you seen a Charles Bronson movie? No! In a Charles Bronson movie, revenge is the best revenge. He doesn't redecorate his apartment, he redecorates the guy's face with a shotgun.
Elaine · Man at party: Man: 'Who are you?' Elaine: 'Oh, you don't want to know, mister. I'm trouble. Big trouble.'
Kramer: Kramer's bizarre laundry stalling tactic: asking the man about 'the gentle cycle' and whether it's 'effeminate for a man to put clothes in a gentle cycle.'
Kramer Absurdist Character Comedy Kramer: Kramer continues: 'What about fine fabrics? How do you deal with that kind of temperament?' and 'What about stonewashing? That must be something. What, do they just pummel the jeans with rocks?'
Kramer Absurdist Running Gag Callback Kramer: Kramer: 'I didn't realize it was a full box.' — The concrete has been poured.
Kramer Deadpan/Understatement Physical/Slapstick Kramer · Glenda: Kramer threatens Glenda: 'I'm gonna count to three. If you don't give up the chair... the wig is coming off.' Glenda: 'I don't wear a wig.' Kramer: 'One...'
Elaine: Elaine's seduction confession: 'I don't really have a phone. In fact, I don't really have an apartment. I kind of sleep around.'
Elaine Character Comedy Misdirection Elaine: Elaine: 'Would you close your eyes a second? I want to tell you a secret about my bra.'
Elaine Character Comedy Misdirection Levitan · George: Levitan tells George: 'Maybe I've been a little rough on you... I want you to come back. And you can use my bathroom anytime you want.'
Rick · George: Rick has a change of heart and tells George he wants him to come back: 'Maybe I've been a little rough on you.' / 'I want you to come back. And you can use my bathroom anytime you want.'
Rick George Irony/Sarcasm Misdirection ★ Rewatch Callback Levitan: Levitan's toast: welcoming back 'our little, shrimpy friend, George Costanza, who, although he really didn't have a very good year — how you blew that McConnell deal, I'll never know — we've always enjoyed his antics around the office.'
Levitan Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy ★ Rewatch George · Levitan: George says 'Drink up!' and Levitan does — having received the Mickey meant for him.
George: George: 'I like history, the Civil War. Maybe I could be a professor or something.'
George Character Comedy Running Gag Callback Jerry: Jerry: 'Well, to teach something, you really have to know a lot about it. I think you need a degree.'
Jerry Deadpan/Understatement Running Gag Callback Jerry · Elaine: Elaine brings Jerry his laundry. 'Oh, my God, the money. The 1500, where'd you find it?' Elaine: 'It was in my laundry.' Jerry: 'In your laundry? The whole time?'
Jerry: Jerry: 'I told you not to mix in our guys.' — revealing his 'guys' mixed laundry is where the money ended up.
Jerry Callback Absurdist ★ Rewatch Callback Kramer · Newman: Kramer on the phone: the concrete machine damage was 1,200 dollars. Then: 'That's Newman. I'm on the roof!' — Newman's voice from outside.
Jerry · Newman: Newman shouts from the roof. Jerry responds: 'Well? What are you waiting for?'
Jerry Newman Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback George: George, back in Jerry's apartment still fantasizing: 'I like horses. Maybe I could be a stable boy.'
George Running Gag Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Elaine: Elaine: 'It's probably a union thing.' — echoing Jerry's earlier line about projectionists.
Elaine Callback Running Gag ★ Rewatch Callback Jerry: Stand-up closing: Jerry's bit on 'The best revenge is living well' — then: 'Sounds nice. Doesn't really work on that Charles Bronson kind of level.'
Jerry Observational Setup/Punchline Jerry: Stand-up close: '"Charlie, forget the .357. You need a custom-made suit and a convertible, new carpeting, French doors, a divan. That'll show those punks."'
Jerry Setup/Punchline Absurdist Callback 