George Costanza

George:George's mock-Senate hearing response: 'Senator, I'd like to know what you knew and when you knew it'

Jerry · George:Jerry describes Laura: 'Talking with her was like talking with you, but obviously much better'

George:George's close reading of Laura's phrasing: '"Had to"? "Had to come in"?' / '"And maybe we'll get together"?'

George · Jerry:I hate to tell you this. You're not gonna see her. / What? Are you serious? Why did she call? / What do I know? Maybe she wanted to be polite. / To be polite? / You are insane.

George:George's verdict: 'You're a backup. You're a second line, a "just in case", a B plan, a contingency.'

George · Claire:George soliciting Claire as a witness: 'Claire, you're a woman, right?' / Claire: 'What gave it away, George?'

George · Claire · Jerry:Claire confirms George's theory without hesitation: 'I'd have to say no.' / George: 'So why did she call?' / Claire: 'Be polite.'

Jerry · George:Jerry tells George: 'Don't worry. I gave him a little caffeine.' George: 'Right. I knew I felt something.'

George:George at the laundromat: 'Jerry, I have to tell you something. This is the dullest moment I've ever experienced.'

George:George observing a stranger: 'Look at that guy. He's got everything — detergents, sprays, fabric softener. This is not his first load.'

George:George's 'signals' lecture: 'She calls you today, she doesn't make a plan for tomorrow? It's Saturday night. You don't even know what hotel she's staying at. You can't call her. That's a signal, Jerry. That's a signal. Signal.'

George:You don't even know what hotel she's staying at. You can't call her. That's a signal, Jerry. That's a signal. Signal.

George:See, once something is wet, it's wet. Same thing with death. Like, once you die, you're dead. Right? Let's say you drop dead and I shoot you. You're not gonna die again. You're already dead. You can't 'overdie,' you can't overdry.

George · Jerry:George trying to grab the phone while Jerry talks to Laura: 'Oh, give me it. Let me talk.' / 'Now slide!'

Jerry · George:Jerry, after hanging up: 'I don't believe it. That was her. She wants to stay here.'

George:George: 'You know, I can't believe you're bringing in an extra bed for a woman that wants to sleep with you. Why don't you bring in an extra guy too.'

George:You know, I can't believe you're bringing in an extra bed for a woman that wants to sleep with you. Why don't you bring in an extra guy too.

George · Jerry:George: 'All right. One more time. What was the exact phrasing of the request?' / Jerry: 'She couldn't find a decent hotel room.' / George: 'A decent hotel room. Would it be terribly inconvenient if she stayed at my place?' / 'This is New York City. There must be 11 million decent hotel rooms.'

George · Jerry:George: 'What do you need, a flag? This is the signal, Jerry. This is the signal.' / Jerry: 'Thank you, Mr. Signal.'

George:This is New York City. There must be 11 million decent hotel rooms. What do you need, a flag?

George · Jerry:George's excuse: 'I think I was affected by the caffeine.' / Jerry: 'Good dog. Good dog.'

George:George's 'filth is good' theory: 'Rock stars have sponges and ammonia lying around? You think they have a woman coming over, "I gotta tidy up"? In these matters, you never do what instincts tell you. Always, always do the opposite.'

Jerry · George:George: 'This is how you operate?' / Jerry: 'Yeah, I wish.'

George · Jerry:George's greeting taxonomy: 'If she puts the bags down before she greets you, that's a good sign... anything in the lip area is good... a hug, definitely good... one of those hugs where the shoulders touch but the hips are eight feet apart? Brutal.'

Jerry · George:If she puts the bags down before she greets you, that's a good sign. / Anything in the lip area is good. / A hug, definitely good. / What if it's one of those hugs where the shoulders touch, the hips are eight feet apart? / Brutal.

George · Jerry:George: 'Also, a shake is bad. But what if it's the two-hander? Hand on bottom, hand on top. The warm look in the eyes. Hand sandwich?' / Jerry: 'Right.'

George · Jerry · Laura:George: 'So much depends on the layering, the quality of the wetness in the eyes—' — then Laura arrives and blindfolds Jerry as a greeting

Laura · Jerry · George:Guess who. / Hey, hey. / Hey, hey.

George:George: 'That was an interesting greeting. Notice that, George? Yes, the surprise blindfold greeting. That wasn't in the manual.'

George · Jerry:Are you through? / You do, of course, try on when you buy. / Yes, it was purple. I liked it. / I don't actually recall considering the buttons. / Oh, you don't recall. / No, not at this time.

George · Claire:Are you sure this is decaf? Where's the orange indicator? It's missing. I have to do it in my head. Decaf left, regular right. It's very challenging work.

Jerry · George:Can you relax? It's a cup of coffee. / No one has any interest in seeing you on caffeine.

George:Nothing happened, but it was... This is great.

George:You're a backup. You're a second line, a 'just in case'... a B plan, a contingency.

George · Claire:Claire. Claire, you're a woman, right? / What gave it away, George?

George · Jerry · Claire:Now, a woman calls me, right? She says she has to... come to New York on business... / You're beautiful. / And maybe... she'll see me when she gets in. Does this woman intend to spend time with me? / I'd have to say no.

Jerry · Claire · George:So why did she call? / Be polite. / To be polite. / I rest my case. / Good, good. Did you have fun?

George · Jerry · Claire:Be a 'come-with' guy. Come on. I'm tired. Don't worry. I gave him a little caffeine. He'll perk up. Right. I knew I felt something.

George:It's signals, Jerry. It's signals. Don't you...? All right. Did she even ask you what you were doing tomorrow night... if you were busy? No. She calls you today, she doesn't make a plan for tomorrow? What is that? It's Saturday night. What is that? It's ridiculous.

Jerry · George:Why don't you just see if it's dry. No, no, no. Don't interrupt the cycle. The machine is working. It knows what it's doing. Just let it finish.

Jerry · George:You're gonna overdry it. / You can't overdry. / Why not? / Same reason you can't overwet. You see, once something is wet, it's wet. Same thing with death. Like, once you die, you're dead. Right? Let's say you drop dead and I shoot you. You're not gonna die again. You're already dead. You can't 'overdie,' you can't overdry.

George:Any questions?

George · Jerry:I thought I wasn't allowed to be in here this weekend. / No, it's okay now. That girl's not coming. / I misread the whole thing.

George · Jerry:You want me to talk to her? I don't think so. No, I can be very persuasive. You know that I was almost a lawyer? That close, huh? You better believe it.

George · Jerry:Oh, give me it. Let me talk. / No. What's up? / Well, let me talk to her. / I'm always up at this hour.

Jerry · George:I'll get my friend George to take me. / Now slide!

George:If my father moved this, he'd have a cigarette in his mouth the whole way. 'Have you got your end? Your end's got to come down first. Easy, now. Drop it down. Drop it down. Your end's gotta come down.'

George:You know, I can't believe you're bringing in an extra bed for a woman that wants to sleep with you. Why don't you bring in an extra guy too.

George:You can't be serious. This is New York City. There must be 11 million decent hotel rooms. What do you need, a flag?

George · Jerry:This is the signal, Jerry. This is the signal. / This is the signal. / Thank you, Mr. Signal. Where were you yesterday? / I think I was affected by the caffeine.

Jerry · George:Hey, he really likes you, George. / Well, that's flattering. / He's getting a drink of water.

George:It's not how to score on spring break. Can we go? I'm double-parked. I'm gonna get a ticket.

George:So what? That's good. / How could that be good? / Because filth is good. What do you think, rock stars have sponges and ammonia lying around the bathroom? You think they have a woman coming over, 'I gotta tidy up'? In these matters, you never do what instincts tell you. Always, always do the opposite.

Jerry · George:This is how you operate? / Yeah, I wish.

George · Jerry:If she puts the bags down before she greets you, that's a good sign. Anything in the lip area is good. A hug, definitely good. What if it's one of those hugs where the shoulders touch... the hips are eight feet apart? Brutal.

George · Jerry:Also, a shake is bad. Shake is bad. But what if it's the two-hander? Hand on bottom, hand on top. The warm look in the eyes. / Hand sandwich? / Right. It's open to interpretation. So much depends on the layering... the quality of the wetness in the eyes—

Jerry · George:That was an interesting greeting. Notice that, George? / Yes, the surprise blindfold greeting. / That wasn't in the manual.

George:Excuse me, master packer? — Just give me your keys.

George:The hot water takes a while to come on. So the best thing to do is to turn it on, do all your shopping, then come back and take a shower.

George:Deduct a minimum of two days off all expiration dates. No meat, no leftovers, no butter. And I cannot overstate this: No soft cheeses of any kind.

George:Regarding sexual activity — strictly prohibited, but if you absolutely must, do us all a big favour, do it in the tub.

George · Jerry:You ought to at least take a look at it. — Really? Why? — Because then I could move in here.

George:Well, for me it's a step up. It's like moving from Iceland to Finland.

Jerry · George:And where were you? — I was at Bloomingdale's, waiting for the shower to heat up.

George · Jerry:How can you not have insurance? — Because I spent my money on the Clapco D-29. It's the most impenetrable lock on the market today. It has only one design flaw: The door... must be closed!

George:I didn't get that joke either. The crook has the machine. The messages aren't for him... he's the crook. Why would he answer...?

Jerry · George:They deliver the coal? — Sure. It's probably the same guy who delivers the wood. — Oh, then I gotta tip him.

George:George stands silent and unimpressed during the apartment tour — reaction beat while Jerry and Elaine are ecstatic

George · Jerry:What about the couch? — You like the couch? — Tell you what I'm gonna do... Give me a hundred and fifty dollars.

George · Jerry:George negotiates the couch down from $150 to $20 — Jerry threatens to take it, George jumps to $40, then $50

Kramer · George:Hey. What's going on? — I just bought Jerry's couch for $50.

George:Listen, if you are feeling uncomfortable about this at all, at all... do not feel like you have to take it. — Why? — If you're having second thoughts... if you didn't want it... don't worry about it, because, you know, I... I could take it.

Jerry · George:You could take it? You want it? — No, I don't want it. I want it if you don't want it. — So you do want it. — I want it if you don't want it.

Jerry · George:You wanna flip a coin? — Who flips?

Jerry · George:No, it hit the table. — So what? — Interference. You can't count that. — The coin cannot touch anything. It affects it. — You didn't call 'no interference.' — You don't have to call it. That's a rule!

George:I'll tell you what, I'll choose you for it. Straight choose, three takes it.

George:Why did I put out two? Why did I put out two?!

George:What can you eat? You can't have anything anymore. Look at this. Eggs, out. Coffee, out. French fries, out. BLT, out.

George:I'm so sick about losing that choose. You don't know. I... All right. Forget it. Forget it. I'm not taking the place.

Jerry · George:How can I live there? — Why not? — You're still thinking about it. — I'll never feel comfortable. — Oh, get out of here. — How can I ever have you over? You'll sit there moping. — I won't mope. — You're already moping.

George:I hate housewarmings. What are we doing here? This is ridiculous.

Jerry · George · Carol · Larry:Housewarming party: Jerry and George arrive to find Carol and Larry thriving — barbecuing, losing weight, masseuse next door.

George:I can't believe I lost the deposit on that U-Haul and I threw out my couch.

Jerry · George:If only the coin hadn't hit the table. — The table is interference, you know it. — It is not. — It is too.

George:We're aware of the proximity to the park.

Jerry · George:So I get a call from Gilmore this morning. They're restructuring the organization in Atlanta. I gotta be there on the 1st. — Really? What about your apartment? — What can I do? I'll give it up. — What's the rent?

George:George's frantic self-recrimination: 'I had to say something. Everything was going so well. I had to say something.'

George · Jerry:George: 'I have this compulsion to tell women how I feel.' Jerry: 'I like you. I don't tell you. We can only thank God for that.'

George · Jerry:The floss falling out of George's pocket during the date — the moment that caused everything to unravel.

George:'Without that floss in my pocket, I'd be crawling around her bedroom, looking for my glasses.'

Jerry · George:Jerry looks at George's belt/buckle: 'Looks like your belt is digesting a small animal.'

Kramer · George:Kramer bursts in mid-conspiracy theory: 'They got a cure for cancer. See, it's all big business.' Then instantly pivots: 'Oh hey, Jerry just walked in.'

George · Jerry:George suggests Jerry 'break up' with Horneck like a woman. Jerry: 'Break up? It's a guy.' George: 'With a woman there's a precedent.'

Jerry · George:Jerry, shell-shocked after watching Joel: 'Unbelievable.' Then quietly to George: 'How can you talk to someone like that?' George: 'What are you saying? You like turkey roll?'

George · Jerry:'She calls me at the office, she says, "We have to talk."' Jerry: 'Oh, the four worst words in the English language.' George: 'That or "Whose bra is this?"' Jerry: 'Hmm, that is worse.'

George:'As she's saying this, I'm thinking: great, the relationship's over, but egg salad's coming.' Then: 'So I have a decision — do I walk or eat?'

Jerry · George:Jerry: 'You ate.' George: 'Sat there for 20 minutes chewing, staring at each other in a defunct relationship.'

Jerry · George:Jerry: 'Someone says "Get out of my life" and that doesn't affect your appetite?' George: 'Ever had their egg salad?'

George · Jerry:'I picked up the check. She didn't even offer.' Jerry: 'She ended it.' George: 'At least she could've sent me off with a sandwich.'

George · Jerry:George at the bank with a jug of coins. Jerry: 'How much could you possibly have in there?' George: 'Look, it's my money. Should I throw it out the window? I know a guy who vacationed on his change.'

George:George: 'That's funny. You're a funny guy.' — delivered flatly while counting coins.

George:George counting change at the bank while Jerry tries to talk to him: 'Not now. 33... 30...' — George loses count mid-conversation.

Jerry · George:Jerry confesses: 'I gave your ticket to Horneck.' Long pause, then: 'Yeah, I'm sorry. I had to give it to Horneck.'

George · Jerry:George's meltdown: 'You gave my ticket to Horneck?! Why give HIM my ticket?' Jerry: 'You didn't see him.' George: 'Come on, I can't believe this!'

George · Bank Teller:Mid-argument at the bank, George tries to cash in coins. Bank teller: 'Sir, we can't do that.' George: 'They did this for me before.' Teller: 'You want to roll them yourself?' George: 'What? Should I quit my job?'

Jerry · George:Jerry offers George $50 for his jug of coins. George: 'Yeah, sure. Keep your money.' Jerry: 'Then I won't go either. I'll give him both tickets.'

George:George, horrified at going to the game with Joel: 'No, I don't want to go.' — reaction beat after Jerry's emotional recounting of the breakup attempt.

Elaine · George:Elaine: 'I'll call his machine and make some excuse.' George: 'If you're going to lie, tell him you lost both tickets. Then we can go.'

George · Jerry:George hears the excuse: 'Trapezoids?' Jerry: 'I know. I'm really running out of excuses with this guy.'

Jerry · George:Jerry: 'Let's go to one of those cappuccino places.' George: 'And do what, talk?' Jerry: 'We can talk.' George: 'I'll go if I don't have to talk.' Jerry: 'Then we'll just sit there.'

Jerry · George:Jerry invents a choir practice excuse on the spot to avoid Joel's next game invitation: 'We're doing an evening of Eastern European national anthems. Right. The wall being down and everything.'

George:There was once a mutant grape that terrorized an entire town in the Texas panhandle. They brought in the Army. Nobody could stop it. Apparently, it had a pit of steel.

George:Up again. This is incredible. I'm getting it.

George:It's called Centrax. They got some new kind of technique for televising opera.

Jerry · George:How much are you gonna invest? Five thousand. Ten... Ten thousand. Five thousand.

Jerry · George:Oh, the dolphin thing? They're dying in the nets. You know, the whole concept of lunch is based on tuna.

Jerry · George · Elaine · Waitress:All right, all right. I'll have the chicken salad. [Beat] And I'm gonna have an English muffin with margarine on the side, and a cup of coffee. [Beat] Okay, what about you? I'll have the tuna.

George:Jerry, the stock is the same as when you checked earlier. There are no changes after the market closes, the stock is still down.

George:Hey, I told you. It's all manipulated with junk bonds. You can't win.

George:George Costanza, please. I'm just telling you to get rid of that stock now!

George:He left two messages. He hasn't heard back yet, that's all.

Jerry · George:I'll work my way around to it. What if he's in an iron lung or something? What are you gonna do? 'How you feeling, Mr. Wilkenson? By the way, what's happening with Centrax?'

George · Jerry:Who goes to a hospital to rest? What are you, a doctor?

George:Boy, I have to get to a bathroom.

George · Jerry:Oh, look at this one by the bus stop. Jerry, come here. Take a look at this. I really don't need to look. What a body. Yeah. That's for me. Yeah, and you're just what she's looking for too.

George · Jerry:[George goes downstairs and returns almost immediately] What? What, did you go down there? Next thing I know, I'm in the parking lot!

George:I don't know what he's got, but for a sick guy, he's very strong.

George:I'm going down with the ship.

George:James, he kills me.

George · Jerry:So, big daddy... I'm just curious. How much did you clear on your little transaction there, all told? I don't like to discuss figures. How much? I don't know, $8000. It's a Hyundai. Get out of here.

George · Jerry:I told you not to sell. Simons made money, Wilkenson cleaned up. So Wilkenson's out of the hospital? No. You'd be surprised. You don't recover that quickly from a nose job.

George · Jerry:I gotta say, that's pretty bad, losing out to a cat. Almost as bad as losing out to a perfume.

George · Jerry:Too bad you can't get your buddy Superman to fly around the Earth at super speed and reverse time. Get all the money back, could've avoided the whole trip to Vermont. Superman can go back in time? We went over that.

Jerry · George:Sweetheart. [Jerry pays for dinner/check arrives] No, no. That ought to cover it. Just a second. Just let me peek. Good.

George · Jerry:She can't kill me, right? — No, of course not.

George · Jerry:I wanted to love her. I tried to love her. I couldn't. You tried.

Jerry · George:Did you tell her you loved her? — I had no choice. She squeezed it out of me.

George:She'd tell me she loved me. I'd go, 'Oh, really?' Or, 'Boy, that's... That's something.'

George · Jerry:I didn't even ask her out. She asked me out first. She called me up. What was I supposed to do, say no? I can't do that to someone. — You're too nice a guy. — I am. I'm a nice guy.

George:And then she seduced me. We're in my apartment. I'm on the couch, she's on the chair. I get up to go to the bathroom, I come back... she's on the couch. What am I supposed to do? Not do anything? I couldn't. I would've insulted her.

George · Jerry:My back is killing me. — You gotta go to my chiropractor. He's the best. — Everybody's guy is the best.

Elaine · George · Jerry:Why can't you sit in the middle? — Please. It doesn't look good. Boy, boy, girl. — I think you're afraid to sit next to a man. You're a little homophobic, aren't you? — Is it that obvious?

George:The 'relationship organism' story — George's acquaintance who went from chatting to nodding to nothing, ending in intense mutual animosity based on nothing

George · Jerry:I did it! It's over. — You did it? What happened? — I told her, in the kitchen. Which was risky, because it's near all the knives.

George:I started with the word 'listen.' I said: 'Listen, Marlene.' The next thing I know, I'm in the middle of it. There's this voice inside me going, 'You're doing it.'

Kramer · George · Jerry:George, I want you to taste this cantaloupe. — No, thank you. — It's the best cantaloupe I've had. — No, really. — I'll get you a piece. — Jerry, tell him how good it is. — Very good cantaloupe.

Jerry · George:So that's it. You're out. — Except for one small problem. I left some books in her apartment. So? Go get them. — No, I can't go back there. Jerry, it's so awkward. It could be dangerous, sexually. Something could happen.

George:It could be dangerous, sexually. Something could happen. I'd be right back where I started from.

Marlene · Jerry · George:Marlene's pool party story: she jumped in wearing jeans, everyone stared as she got out. 'It's no skin off my hide if people like to look. I just didn't see what the big attraction was.' — Well, I have a general idea what it was. — I could take a guess.

Jerry · George:Have you reread those books yet, by the way? — The great thing, when you read Moby Dick the second time, Ahab and the whale become good friends.

George · Jerry:Has she left you a message where she uses up the whole machine? You know, sometimes she'll go, 'Hello, Jerry?' And I'll go, 'Oh, hi, Marlene.' And then it's, 'Jerry... I don't know sometimes.'

George · Jerry:What about trying to get off the phone? — You can't. It's impossible. There's no break in the conversation where you can go: 'All right, then.'

Jerry · George:I mean, I've gotta put a stop to this. — Just do it like a Band-Aid. One motion. Right off!

Jerry · George:She is sexy, though. — Don't you think? — Yeah. — Yeah, she is.

George:I'm gonna have to wait in that little room all by myself, aren't I? I hate the little room.

Jerry · George:So how was it? — I was in there for two minutes. He didn't do anything. Touch this, feel that. 75 bucks. — Well, it's a first visit. What's 75 bucks? — What, am I seeing Sinatra in there? Am I being entertained? I don't understand this.

George · Jerry:I'm only paying half. — You can't do that. — Why not? — He's a doctor. You gotta pay what he says. — No, no, no. I pay what I say.

George:The confrontation story: George spotted the neighbor, tapped him on the shoulder, called him 'You little phoney,' and demanded an explanation for going from nods to nothing

George:'How do you go from that to totally ignoring a person when they walk by?' — The guy answers: 'Look, I just didn't want to say hello anymore, all right?' — 'Fine. I didn't want to say hello anymore either. But I just wanted you to know that I'm aware of it.'

George · Jerry:I don't care. — You're kidding. — No, I don't care. — You mean that? — Absolutely. — You don't care? — No. — How could you not care? — I don't know, but I don't. — Actually, I'm almost happy to hear it.

George · Jerry:I don't care. — You're kidding. — No, I don't care. — You mean that? — Absolutely. — You don't care? — No. — How could you not care? — I don't know, but I don't. — Actually, I'm almost happy to hear it.

Jerry · George:Am I a bad person? Did I do something terrible? — You're a fine person. You're a humanitarian. — She's very sexy. — That voice. She's driving me crazy.

George · Jerry:See her tonight. See her tomorrow. Go, knock yourself out. — She's too crazy for me. — All right. As long as you're okay.

George · Jerry:I'll tell you what. You don't have to pay the $35 I gave the chiropractor for the rest of your bill. — You paid that crook? — I had to. — He didn't do anything, Jerry. It's a scam. Who told you to do that? — It was embarrassing to me. I was trying to make a point. — Why don't you make a point with your own doctor?

George · Jerry:What's wrong? — I think I swallowed a fly. — Oh, God. — I swallowed a fly! What do I do? — What can happen?

Jerry · George:And it's always about Jeffrey, right? / Yeah. He talks about him like he split the atom. / The kid works for the Parks Department.

George:I cannot envision any circumstance in which I'll ever have the opportunity to have sex again. How's it gonna happen? I just don't see how it could occur.

George:You know, funerals always make me think about my own mortality...and how I'm actually gonna die someday. Me, dead. Imagine that.

George:They always make me take stock of my life...how I've pretty much wasted all of it and how I plan to continue wasting it.

George:I just don't see what purpose it's gonna serve, you going. I mean, you think dead people care who's at their funeral? They don't even know they're having a funeral.

Elaine · George:Maybe she's there in spirit. How about that? / If you're a spirit, and you can travel to other dimensions and galaxies, and find out the mysteries of the universe...you think she'll be at Drexler's Funeral Home on Ocean Parkway?

George:Do you know how easy it is for dead people to travel? It's not like getting on a bus. One second: boom. It's all mental.

Elaine · George:Fifty years they were married. Now he's moving to Phoenix. / Phoenix? What's happening with his apartment?

Jerry · George:I don't know. They've been in there since, like, World War II. Rent's $300 a month. / Three hundred a month? / Oh, my God.

George · Isaac · Jerry:So what's happening with your apartment? / ...it's very hot there. I'll have to get an air conditioner. / Oh, you can have mine. I'll ship it out to you. / But what about that big apartment on West End Avenue?

Isaac · George:I don't even know if I should take my winter clothing. / I have an idea. Leave the winter clothing in the apartment, and I'll watch it for you. And I'll live there, and I'll make sure that nothing happens to it.

Isaac · George · Uncle Leo:Oh, the apartment. Jeffrey's taking the apartment. / Oh, Jeffrey. / You know Jeffrey.

George · Jerry:Who gets picked off in softball? / It's unheard-of. / Never happened to me before.

George:I remember saying to myself, 'Why is Jerry so far off the base?'

George · Jerry:Look. Then in the fifth inning, why did you take off on the pop fly? / I thought there were two outs. / I couldn't believe it when I saw you running. I thought maybe they had changed the rules or something.

Jerry · George:It was the single worst moment of my life. / What about Sharon Besser? / Oh, well, of course, 1973.

George · Jerry:George, then Jerry re-examining: 'What about Sharon Besser?' — 'Oh, well, of course, 1973.' — completing the running gag.

George · Jerry:Makes you wonder, doesn't it? / Wonder about what? / You know, the spirit world.

Jerry · George:Wait, you think Manya showed up during the game and put a hex on me? / I never saw anyone play like that.

Jerry · George:Maybe Manya missed the funeral...because she was off visiting another galaxy that day. / Don't you think she would've heard I was there? / Not necessarily.

George:George: 'Yeah, but that doesn't make up for killing her.'

George:What's with the pink lining with the candy stripes?

George:That's definitely you. / That's more you than you've ever been.

George · Jerry:What is with the pink lining? / I don't know. It's got a pink lining.

George · Jerry:So, what'd you pay for this? / I paid what it costs.

George · Jerry:Over 300? / Yes. But let's just stop it right there. / It's over 400. / I'm really not answering anymore. / Is it over 400?

George:Whoa, Nelson.

George:It's from Les Misérables. I went to see it last week. I can't get it out of my head. I just keep singing it over and over. It just comes out. I have no control over it. I'm singing it on elevators, buses. Singing in front of clients. It's taking over my life.

Jerry · George:You know, Schumann went mad from that. / Artie Schumann from Camp Hatchapee? / No, you idiot.

George:What are you, Bud Abbott? What are you calling me an idiot for?

Jerry · George:Really? Well, what if it doesn't stop? / Oh, that I really needed to hear. That helps a lot.

George:All right, just say something. Just start talking. Change the subject.

George:Can I say one thing to you? And I say this with an unblemished record of staunch heterosexuality.

George:It's fabulous.

George:I wanna know, but I'm not gonna ask. You'll tell me when you feel comfortable.

George · Jerry:So, what was it, 400? / Five hundred? Did you pay 500? Over 6? Can't be 7. Don't tell me you paid $700 for this jacket. Did you pay $700? You are sick! Over 700?! What did you pay? I won't say anything. I wanna know. Oh, my God! A thousand dollars?! You paid $1000 for this jacket.

George:All right, I'll tell you what. If you don't say anything in five seconds, I'll know it was over 1000.

George:I'd like to. I've never done a solid before.

George:[George involuntarily hums/sings the Les Misérables tune]

George:There's never been an appointment in my life where I wanted the other guy to show up.

Jerry · George · Alton:She's usually pretty punctual. / Don't you find that, George? / Yeah. Yeah, she's punctual, and... she's been late sometimes. / Yeah, yeah. Sometimes she's on time... and sometimes she's late. / I guess... today she's late.

Alton · Jerry · George:It appears that way. / Yep. / Yep. / Looks like rain. / I know. I know. That's what they said.

Alton · Jerry · George:Which one's supposed to be the funny guy? / Oh, he's the comedian. / I'm just a regular person. / No, no. He's just being modest.

George:Thank you for leaving me alone with him. That was brutal. I can't go back out there.

Jerry · George:We say we're frightened and we have to go home. / Yeah, that's good. He'd clunk our heads together like Moe.

George:Just start scratching. Tell him you have the crabs. He was in the military. He'll understand that.

Alton · George:Yeah, they should have taken care of Castro when they had the chance. / Like we did in Guatemala in '53.

Elaine · Jerry · George:So how is everything going over here? / Great. / Couldn't be better.

Jerry · Elaine · George:You know better than to get involved with Kramer. / He said he'd give me a lift. / The lift. Like the lure of the Siren's song. Never what it seems to be. / Yet who among us can resist?

George:Chorus boy?

Elaine · Jerry · George:It's snowing. / It's beautiful. / Snow? / Snow, that can't be good for suede, can it? / I wouldn't think so.

George:So, what are you gonna do with that one now?

George · Jerry:See, I like it like this. / Isn't that...? / Is this from the snow last night? / You know what you should have done? You should have turned it inside out. / I'll try and remember that.

George:Boy, it's too bad you gave me this one too.

George:Boy, it's too bad you gave me this one too.

George:Gonna have to do something about this lining.

George:When women smile, I don't know what it means. Sometimes I interpret it like they're psychotic.

George:Remember Quayle when Bentsen gave him the Kennedy line? That's what I looked like.

George:For me to ask a woman out, I gotta get into a mental state like karate guys before they break bricks.

George · Jerry:And to cover my nervousness, I started eating an apple. I think if they hear you chewing on the other end of the phone, makes you sound casual. Yeah, like a farm boy.

George:It's like robbing a bank. Don't loiter in front of the teller with a bag of money. You make your hit and get out.

George · Donna:Let me hear you try a Scottish accent. — That's Irish. — Irish, Scottish. What's the difference, lassie?

Carol · George:Would you like to come upstairs for coffee? No, thanks. I can't drink coffee at night. It keeps me up.

George · Carol:Awkward beat — 'So... Okay. Good night. Yeah. Take it easy.'

George:'Take it easy.' 'Take it easy!'

George:Tan pants. Why do I buy tan pants, Donna? I don't feel comfortable in them.

George · Donna:Are those cotton Dockers? I can't begin to tell you how much I hate that commercial.

George:Even if the dialogue did ring true... even if somehow, somewhere men actually talk like that... what does that have anything to do with the pants?

Donna · George:They're not talking about pants. They're talking about nothing. That's the point. — I know the point.

George:All those quick shots of the pants. Just pants, pants, pants, pants. What is that supposed to be?

George:I'm supposed to see her again on Thursday. But can I go out with someone that actually likes this commercial?

George:'No, thank you. I don't want coffee. It keeps me up. Too late for me to drink coffee.' I said this to her. People this stupid shouldn't be allowed to live.

George · Jerry · Elaine:Coffee is sex. — Maybe coffee was coffee. — Coffee's coffee in the morning, not at 12:00 at night. Some people drink coffee that late. — Yeah, people who work at NORAD who are on 24-hour missile watch.

George:Women don't want to see need. They want a take-charge guy, a colonel, a Kaiser, a czar.

Elaine · George:All she'll think is that you like her. — That's exactly what I'm trying to avoid. She wants you to like her. — Yes, she wants me to like her, if she likes me, but she doesn't like me.

George · Jerry:I can't call a woman with other people in the room. — You're kicking me out of my house?

George:Hi! It's George. George Costanza. Remember me? The guy who didn't come up for coffee.

George:Well, whatever. Anyway. It was fun. It was... it was fun, so... Oh, boy. So... You call me back. If you want. That's up to you, you know. Whatever you want to do. Either way. The ball's in your court. So... Take it easy.

George:The little light's blinking right now. 'Come and listen to the idiot. Hey, everybody, the idiot's on!'

Donna · George:You didn't have to tell your friends. No, I had to tell my friends. My friends didn't have to tell you.

Donna · George:I don't like you talking about me behind my back. — Oh, boy.

Donna · George:I asked some friends this weekend, all of them like the commercial. — Boy, I bet you got a regular Algonquin Round Table there.

George:Yesterday, I'm a volcano. I try one more call. The machine comes on, and I let fly like Mussolini from the balcony.

George:'Where the hell do you get the nerve? You invite me up for coffee, and then you don't call me back for four days? I don't like coffee. I don't have to come up! I'd like to get one more shot at the coffee so I can spit it in your face!'

Jerry · George:— I can't blame you. I can't believe she never called you back. — She did. — What? — Today.

George:Unless she goes for the bathroom, that's my only chance.

George · Jerry:'Tippy-toe!' — I don't think so. — No tippy-toe?

George:Well, there is traffic. It might take her till 8:15.

George · Jerry:The signal is... I'll sing. — What song? — 'How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?' — What is that? — It's a lovely song.

George · Jerry:— 'Lemon Tree.' — Peter, Paul and Mary? — No. Trini Lopez.

George:To hell with this! I'm scared. Walk away. Cancel everything.

George · Carol:I couldn't wait. I was too anxious to see you. — That's so sweet.

George:I know Jerry. He has this phobia about public toilets.

George · Carol:You know, it's the damnedest thing. — It went away. — Well, that's weird. — No, no, that can happen. I've read about that in medical journals.

George:Tippy-toe! Tippy-toe! Lemon tree!

George · Carol:Carol, that's so rude. — Please, I'm serious. — Okay. Just for a moment, if you wouldn't mind. And then we'll talk to Jerry.

George · Carol:Don't you find that strange? — Yes.

Kramer · George:Tell me the truth, have you ever seen a better-looking guy? / Looks is so subjective.

Jerry · George:No! I'm not going up there! / Harold and Manny.

Jerry · George:What was that all about? / Oh, nothing important.

Jerry · George:I told Elaine about an apartment opening up in my building. She's going to move in. / How could you do that? / Because I'm an idiot.

George · Jerry:You think you're an idiot, but with all due respect, I'm a much bigger idiot than you are. / Don't insult me, my friend. Remember who you're talking to. No one's a bigger idiot than me. / Ever ask an ex-girlfriend to move into your building? Ever go to a singles' weekend in the Poconos?

Jerry · George:Every time I come in, I'll have to sneak around like a cat burglar. / You're doomed. You'll have all your sex at women's apartments. It'll be a permanent road trip. Forget about the home-bed advantage.

Jerry · George:But I need the home-bed advantage. / Of course. We all do.

George:My censor quit two years ago. Checked into a clinic, emotionally exhausted.

Jerry · George:Water pressure's terrible in my building. She loves a good shower. Never heard of anyone turning down an apartment because of weak showers. / If they were fanatic about showers, they might. / For that rent, she'd take a bath in the toilet tank if she had to.

George:Look at this woman feeding her baby greasy, disgusting, coffee-shop corned beef hash. Isn't that child abuse?

George · Jerry:I'd like to have a kid. / Of course, you have to have a date first.

George · Jerry:Ever since he's worn a wedding band, women have been coming on to him everywhere. / That'd be an interesting sociological experiment.

Kramer · George:I don't know why you're fooling around with this ring. I've been telling you, get yourself some plugs, or a piece. / I'm not doing that.

Kramer · George:What do you want to walk around like that for? / No, I'll put a half a can of mousse in my head like you.

Jerry · George:You know, I used to think that the universe is a random, chaotic sequence of meaningless events. But I see now that there is reason and purpose to all things. / What happened to you? / Religion, my friend. That's what happened to me. Because I have just been informed that it's going to cost Elaine the sum of $5000 to get the apartment upstairs.

George:And how does the baldness fit into that plan?

George:George: 'And how does the baldness fit into that plan?'

George:Are you kidding? I lie every second of the day. My whole life is a sham.

Jerry · Kramer · George:You know, money can sometimes come between friends. / Get out of here. / Well, let me think about it.

George:Yeah, my wife couldn't make it today. She's got some thing with her mother. Who knows what's going on with her? / Don't let anybody kid you. It's tough.

George · Guy at Party:What does she do? / She's an entomologist. You know, bees, flies, gnats.

George:I'm sorry, I just don't see the big deal about being a matador. I mean, the bull charges, you move the cape... what's so hard?

Roxanne · George:So are you really married? / I've actually heard of single guys who wear wedding bands to attract women. / You would have to be a real loser to try something like that.

Roxanne · George:I've never been able to be with just one person. I can, however, carry on strictly physical relationships... which can last for years and years. / It's a shame you're married.

George · Jerry:You have no idea what an idiot is. / Elaine just gave me a chance to get out, and I didn't take it. / This is an idiot. / Is that right?

George:I just threw away a lifetime of guilt-free sex and floor seats for every sporting event in Madison Square Garden. / So, please, a little respect. For I am Costanza, lord of the idiots.

George:You're all winners! / But, suddenly, a new contender has emerged.

Jerry · George:Jerry can't sleep, tells George he decided to tell Elaine the truth — then is distracted by the ring that won't come off George's finger.

George:George: 'Well, then try axle grease.'

Kramer · Jerry · George:I just found a guy who's willing to pay $10,000 for the apartment. / You what? Get out! / Ten thousand? / Cash! / Who would pay that much? / He's in the music business.

George:'Boy, that took a while. Don't get up. I'd like to help, but my neck...'

George:'How long you been waiting to squeeze that into a conversation?'

Jerry · Kramer · George:The inka-dink standoff: 'Come on, I saw it first.' / 'Kramer, I have to have the statue.' / 'I got dibs.' / 'No dibs.' / 'Spread out. You numbskulls. Why don't you just settle it like mature adults?'

Jerry · George:'Potato man.' / 'No, no. No potato man. Inka-dink.'

Jerry · Kramer · George:Three adults solemnly performing the full inka-dink rhyme to determine statue ownership

Jerry · Kramer · George:The dispute over whether 'it' wins or loses in inka-dink: 'He's it. He wins. / It is good.'

George:'He uncoagulated the top of the dishwashing liquid.'

George:'He cleaned out the bottom of the little egg cups.'

Jerry · George:'He cleaned in the little one-inch area between the refrigerator and the counter. How'd he get in there? He must be like Rubber Man.'

Jerry · George:'There's no Rubber Man. Why did I think there was a Rubber Man? There's Elastic Man, Plastic Man...'

Jerry · Ray · George:The confrontation phone call: 'Yeah, the king of comedy, right.' / '...the one with...? The blue lady? Would you shut up?!'

Ray · Jerry · George:The entire Ray confrontation where he turns the accusation around, insisting he bought the statue at a pawnshop in Chinatown and 'the guy retired and moved to Singapore'

Ray · George:'Are you saying I stole your statue? / What a mind.'

Ray · Jerry · George:'I got that statue in a pawnshop. / Pawnshop? / A pawnshop? / In Chinatown, with money I earned cleaning apartments. / Cleaning them out.'

Ray · Jerry · George:'Is it me? Do I rub you the wrong way? / No, actually, I find you quite charming. A bit verbose at times. / I find you so charming. You wuss.'

Ray · Jerry · George:'Did you call me a wuss? / What did you say? / I said luss. I'm at a luss.'

Ray · Jerry · George:'I'd love to take you to the pawnshop where I got it. / That's not necessary. / You know, maybe it's not that bad an idea. / And I would love to. Nothing would please me more. But unfortunately, the guy retired and moved to Singapore.'

Ray · George:'Have him make a Photostat of the receipt...and send it over.' / 'That's it. That's it! I can't take it. I can't take it anymore! You stole the statue! You're a thief! You're a liar!'

George:'I'm the judge and the jury, pal. And the verdict is, guilty!'

Ray · George:'I've gotta get going. I have a class. / Oh, a class, huh? A class. At Columbia? / Let me tell you something. I called the registrar's office. I checked you out. They have no record of a Ray Thomas at that school, you liar!'

Ray · George:'That is because I am registered under my full legal name...Raymond Thomas Wochinski. Ray Thomas is my professional name.' / 'You mean alias.'

George:'Okay, fine. I don't see why this should affect the potatoes.' / 'Okay! Goodbye.'

George:'Why don't we just throw a Molotov cocktail through their window.'

Jerry · George:'This experience has changed me. It's made me more cynical, more bitter, more jaded. / Really? / Sure. Why not?'

Jerry · George · Kramer:'Kramer, I can't believe it. Oh, you're my hero! / Yeah. / Kramer, what did you do? / Well, let's put it this way: I didn't take him to People's Court.'

George:George's entire resignation speech — 'You are a laughingstock. You are a joke. These people are laughing at you! You're nothing! You have no brains, no ability, nothing!'

Jerry · George:Jerry says Newman called him at 3am threatening to jump off the roof. 'What did you say?' 'I said, "Jump."'

George · Jerry:George walks into the laundromat and announces he quit his job. Jerry's response: 'Get out of here.'

George:George quit because he was told to stop using his boss's private bathroom — 'I mean, we share it with Pace Electronics. It's disgusting!'

George:George says he could 'do something in sports' — specifically 'like the general manager of a baseball team.'

George:George pivots: maybe a colour commentator. 'You know how I always make interesting comments during the game?'

George · Jerry:George: 'Well, that's really not fair.' Jerry: 'I know.'

George · Jerry:George: 'Movies. I like to watch movies.' Then: 'Do they pay people to watch movies?' Jerry: 'Projectionists.'

George:George: 'What about a talk show host?' ... 'I think I'd be good at that. I talk to people all the time. Someone said once I'd be a good talk show host.'

George · Jerry:The 'never happened' mantra exchange — George and Jerry chanting 'Never happened / never happened' back and forth while working themselves up.

George:George walks back into work Monday. Coworker: 'What are you doing here?' George: 'What? I work here.' Coworker: 'I thought you quit.' George: 'What quit? Who quit?'

George · Ava:George to Ava: 'What happened to you Friday afternoon?' Ava: 'I got tied up.' George: 'I'll bet you did.'

Levitan · George:Levitan spots George: 'Is that Costanza over there?' — beat — 'What are you doing here?'

George:George to Levitan: 'When? Friday? Oh, what? That? Are you kidding? I didn't quit. Why, you took that seriously? You mean "laughingstock," all that stuff. Come on. Will you stop it?'

George · Dan:Coworker Dan says he wouldn't describe George as joking around 'all the time.' George: 'You can't win. You can't beat me. That's why I'm here, and you're there. Because I'm a winner.'

Jerry · Elaine · George:Jerry and Elaine scene — George recounting 'I'll always be a winner.' Elaine: 'Well, so that's that.' Jerry: 'No, that's not that.' Elaine: 'That's not that? Well, if that's not that, what is that?'

George:George: 'I'm gonna slip him a Mickey.'

George:George's reasoning for involving Elaine: 'She didn't know he doesn't recycle.'

Jerry · George:Jerry: 'The best revenge is living well.' George: 'There's no chance of that.'

George:George identifies the blowfish-looking man at the party: 'The one that looks like a blowfish.'

Elaine · George:Elaine: 'This is the most exciting thing I've ever done.' George: 'Yeah, it is kind of cool.' Then: 'First time in my life I've ever gotten back at someone.'

George:George explains the concrete plan: 'It'll mix up with the water and then, by the end of the cycle, it'll be a solid block.'

George · Levitan:At the party: George talks to Levitan about baseball while Elaine distracts him. George focuses on the Mets infield: 'They got no infield.'

George:George dismisses the baseball team mid-plan: 'Come on. They're terrible. They got no infield.'

Levitan · George:Levitan tells George: 'Maybe I've been a little rough on you... I want you to come back. And you can use my bathroom anytime you want.'

Rick · George:Rick has a change of heart and tells George he wants him to come back: 'Maybe I've been a little rough on you.' / 'I want you to come back. And you can use my bathroom anytime you want.'

George · Levitan:George says 'Drink up!' and Levitan does — having received the Mickey meant for him.

George:George: 'I like history, the Civil War. Maybe I could be a professor or something.'

George:George, back in Jerry's apartment still fantasizing: 'I like horses. Maybe I could be a stable boy.'

George:You're bringing in an outside cucumber? They refuse to put cucumber in the salad. I need cucumber.

Jerry · George:'Don't mess with Johnny.' Johnny? Johnny who? Johnny Carson? Did I insult Johnny on The Tonight Show? Did you mess with Johnny, Jerry?

George:That's like asking, 'Where's Waldo?'

George:George announces 'I think I'm having a heart attack' mid-diner conversation

Jerry · George:I saw it in the TV Guide, I called him, told him make sure and not watch it. There was nothing else on.

George:Why can't I have a heart attack?! I'm allowed.

George · Waitress:The waitress calls George's name as if getting his check ready while he's being helped during a medical emergency.

George:I'm George. George Costanza.

George:I never been in the hospital a day in my life, except when I had my tonsils out. You know, they never gave me any ice cream.

George · Jerry:Well, it wouldn't fit you. The sleeves are too short. / No, I tried it on. It fits good.

Jerry · George:Do you think it'd be all right if I called Susan Davis? / Susan Davis?! / Well, it's not like we'll be bumping into you.

George:Okay. Go ahead. Call her. Get married. Have babies. Have a great life. What do I care? I'm finished. It's all over for me.

Jerry · George:Jerry appears to begin smothering George with the pillow — George panics

George:I'll tell you, if I ever get out of here, I'm gonna change my life. I'm gonna do a whole Zen thing. Take up yoga. Meditate. Eat right. Calm down. Lose my anger. Hey, is anybody listening?!

George:Oh, God. Mommy.

George:Is it meningitis? Scoliosis? Lupus? Is it lupus?!

George:That's interesting, because no one in my family has their tonsils. And we were forbidden to socialize with tonsil people.

George · Doctor:What? You mean, with a knife? / Yes, with a knife. You know, snip, snip.

Kramer · George:He's holistic. / Holistic? That sounds right.

Jerry · Kramer · George:How much does the healer charge? / First visit? 38 bucks. / Oh, yeah. Holistic. That's what I need. That's the answer.

George:I'm 33, I haven't outgrown the problems of puberty, I'm already facing the problems of old age. I completely skipped healthy adulthood. I went from having orgasms immediately to taking forever.

George:You can do your taxes in the time it takes me to have an orgasm.

George:I never had a really good pickle.

Tor Ackman · George:What month were you born? / April. / You should have been born in August. Your parents would have been well-advised to wait.

Tor Ackman · George:Do you use hot water in the shower? / Yes. / Stop using it. / Okay. [to Jerry] I'm off hot water.

George:Can I use hot water on my face?

George · Tor Ackman:What about shaving? / You're eating too much dairy.

Tor Ackman · George:I lived with the Eskimos many years ago, and they used to plunge their faces into the snow. / Can it be lukewarm?

George:I'm an eggplant! I'm an eggplant! I'm a vegetable!

Elaine · George:Elaine brings George ice cream in the hospital

Elaine · George:George reacts to the ice cream — 'Oh, please, come on. It's nothing.'

Jerry · TV · George:Hey, turn up the TV. / The planet's on fire! It is just as you prophesised. The planets of our solar system incinerating like flaming globes, Zigmond, like flaming globes! / That's it! That's it! 'Flaming globes of Zigmond'! That's my note. That's what I thought was so funny.

Jerry · George · Elaine:It's not funny. There's nothing funny about that. / Shut up!

Jerry · George:He was good in Man From U.N.C.L.E. / Guess whose birthday is coming up soon.

George:I hope you got a good oral surgeon, because that can be very serious.

George · Jerry:No, I don't want to see the naked people. / Been a while?

George:I have a vague recollection of doing something with someone, but it was a long, long time ago. I think my last time was in Rochester. My hair was a lot shorter. I remember that it's a good thing.

George:And someday, I hope to do it again.

George:What's the deal with Aquaman? Could he go on land, or was he just restricted to water?

George:Oxygen. I need some oxygen. / This is major. / Oh, this is HUGE!

George:You ask me here to have lunch, tell me you slept with Elaine, and then say you're not in the mood for details. Now, you listen to me. I want details, and I want them right now. I don't have a job, I have no place to go. You're not in the mood? Well, you get in the mood!

George:See, that's why I don't have cable, because of that naked station. If I had that in my house, I would never turn it off. I wouldn't sleep. I wouldn't eat. Eventually, firemen would break through the door. They'd find me in my pyjamas with drool coming down my face.

George · Jerry:Boy, these are really bad details. / It pains me to say this, but I may be getting too mature for details.

George:I hate to hear this. Any kind of growth really irritates me.

George:What? Where are you living? Are you here? Are you on this planet? It's impossible. It can't be done. Thousands of years, people have tried to have their cake and eat it too.

George:Where do you get the ego? No one can do it. It can't be done.

George:You know what you're like? You're like a pathetic gambler. One of these losers in Las Vegas who keeps thinking he's gonna come up with a way to win at blackjack.

Jerry · George:'No calls the next day.' / 'So you have the sex, next day, you don't have to call.' / 'That's pretty good.'

George:'I have to tell you, I'm very impressed with the first one.'

Jerry · George:Spending the night: Optional. / No. No. You see? You got greedy.

George:It could be a hot, sweaty room with no air conditioning and all they have is a little Army cot this wide. You're not going anywhere.

George:You can't get her anything better than me. Whatever I spend, you have to spend half.

Jerry · George:A bench? / What kind of a bench? / What, like at a bus stop? / Like a park bench? / Who puts a bench in the house?

George:What about a nice frame with a picture of another guy in it? The frame says, 'I care for you, but if you want to get serious, perhaps you'd be interested in someone like this.' / Nice-looking fellow.

George · Jerry:'What about candleholders?' 'Too romantic.' 'Lingerie?' 'Too sexual.' 'Waffle maker?' 'Too domestic.' 'Bust of Nelson Rockefeller?' 'Too gubernatorial.'

Kramer · George · Jerry:That's pretty good, huh? / You remember when she mentioned it? I made a mental note of it. Well, goody for you. Yeah. See, I'm very sensitive about that.

Jerry · Kramer · George:182 bucks. / Cash? / You've gotta be kidding. What kind of gift is that? That's like something her uncle would give her.

George:Those birthdays. I told you, they're relationship killers. If a relationship's having any problems whatsoever, a birthday brings it out.

George · Jerry:This means I can't see her anymore either. / Why? / It's breakup by association.

George · Jerry:Besides, she's mad at me anyway because of my birthday present. / Why? What did you wind up giving her? / Ninety-one dollars.

George · Jerry:We'd have to kill him. / We'd get caught. I'd get the chair. / I'd go to prison as your accomplice. Have to wear that really heavy denim.

George · Jerry:The cafeteria, with the guy who slops the mashed potatoes onto your plate. / Go to the bathroom in front of hundreds of people. / Plus, you know what else.

George · Jerry · Elaine:So what are you guys gonna do today? / This and... that. / And the other.

George · Jerry · Elaine:'So what are you guys gonna do today?' 'This and that. And the other.'

George:Boy, I really liked the two of you much better when you weren't a couple.

George · Jerry:Someone laboriously hauls a large piece of furniture or object — 'To the right' — followed by 'Boy, that took a while.' / 'Don't get up. I'd like to help, but my neck....'

Jerry · George:'What's in it? Grandpa clothes. I can't wear them. You want these? Knee socks. You don't wear knee socks.'

Jerry · George:'Students can't clean. It's anathema.' / 'They don't like it.' / 'How long you been waiting to squeeze that into a conversation?'

George · Kramer · Jerry:George suggests settling the dispute 'like mature adults' — then immediately proposes 'Potato man.' / 'No, no. No potato man. Inka-dink.'

George · Jerry · Kramer:Three grown men solemnly chanting the full 'Inka-dink, a bottle of ink / The cork fell out, and you stink / Not because you're dirty / Not because you're clean / Just because you kissed a girl / Behind the magazine'

George · Kramer · Jerry:Dispute over who is 'it' in Inka-dink — 'He's it. He wins.' / 'It is good.' — followed by 'Do over. Start with him.'

George · Jerry:'All right, let's go. Hey.... You know, you owe me one.' / 'What?' / 'The inka-dink. You were it.' / 'It's bad?' / 'It's very bad.'

Jerry · George:'He cleaned in the little one-inch area between the refrigerator and the counter. How'd he get in there? He must be like Rubber Man.' / 'There's no Rubber Man.' / 'Why did I think there was a Rubber Man?'

George:'Ma, I told you...just dip the bread in the batter...and put it in the pan. Okay, bye. My mother. She forgot how to make French toast.'

George · Ray:'You know how mothers are.' / 'My mother left us when I was 6 years old. All seven of us. We never heard from her again. I hope she's rotting in an alley somewhere.'

George:George's reaction beat after Ray's 'rotting in an alley' line — George pivots immediately to Florida condo small talk: 'My mom's down in Florida. She's got one of those condos. Hot down there in the summer. You ever been down there?'

George:'Who is this Rava?' — George asks, having been involved in the Rava situation for the whole episode

George · Jerry:'Thought you said 1:00.' / 'Relax. He's late. He's always late. It's part of his m.o.'

Ray · Jerry · George:'For your information, I got that statue in a pawnshop.' / 'Pawnshop?' / 'A pawnshop?' / 'In Chinatown, with money I earned cleaning apartments.' / 'Cleaning them out.'

George:'I know Finland. They're neutral.'

Jerry · Ray · George:Jerry: 'Is it me? Do I rub you the wrong way?' / Ray: 'No, actually, I find you quite charming. A bit verbose at times.' / George: '"I find you so charming." You wuss.'

Ray · Jerry · George:'Did you call me a wuss?' / 'What did you say?' / 'I said, "luss."' / 'I'm at a "luss."'

Ray · George · Jerry:Ray offers to contact the pawnshop owner who 'retired and moved to Singapore' to get a Photostat of the receipt — Jerry loses it: 'That's it! I can't take it. I can't take it anymore!'

George:George erupts: 'I'm the judge and the jury, pal. And the verdict is, guilty!'

George · Ray:George calls out that Ray is not enrolled at Columbia under 'Ray Thomas' — Ray reveals his full legal name is 'Raymond Thomas Wochinski' and 'Ray Thomas is my professional name.' George: 'You mean alias.'

George · Jerry:George asks Jerry: 'Nervous?' / Jerry: 'Why should I be?' — before meeting with Lippman

Jerry · George:'She doesn't react to disappointment very well.' / 'Unlike me.' / 'I'm not happy about this.'

George:'Why don't we just throw a Molotov cocktail through their window.'

Jerry · George:'This experience has changed me. It's made me more cynical, more bitter, more jaded.' / 'Really?' / 'Sure. Why not?'

George · Elaine · Jerry · Kramer:'Kramer, I can't believe it.' / 'Oh, you're my hero!' / 'Kramer, what did you do?' / 'Well, let's put it this way: I didn't take him to People's Court.'

George:The pitch to combine cop and garbage man into one job: 'Cop/garbage man. I always see cops walking around with nothing to do. Grab a broom.'

Jerry · George:'You should run for mayor.' — 'Nobody listens.'

George:George admits he lied to his uncle, saying he had a stomachache, to skip dinner and see Plan 9 from Outer Space — 'One night only. The big screen. My hands are tied.'

George · Jerry:George tells Jerry to get menus now so they're ready when they sit, but Jerry refuses because 'He knows I'm waiting. He sees me. He just doesn't wanna look.'

George:George's complaint about 'health cookies' — 'I hate those little dust-board fructose things.'

George:'I just can't believe the way people are. What is it with humanity? What kind of a world do we live in?'

Jerry · George:Jerry and George notice people getting a table who apparently came in after them, setting off indignant protests.

George:George's intimidation fantasy — asking Jerry if he can 'count on him' if 'we decide to go at it,' wanting to get into a rumble.

George:George's contemptuous description of the seated man: 'Look at his little outfit. It's all so coordinated. The little socks match the little shirt.'

George:'I really hate this guy.' — George's conclusion about the well-dressed man.

George · Elaine:George announces he might faint from hunger, then immediately pivots to interrogating Jerry about the woman in stripes.

Jerry · George:Jerry's $50 bet — he'll pay George $50 if George walks to a stranger's table, picks up an egg roll, eats it, says 'Thank you very much,' wipes his mouth, and walks away.

George:George's concern about loopholes: 'I don't wanna go over there and do it and then come back here and find out there was some little loophole, like I didn't put mustard on it or something.'

George:'For 50 bucks? I'd put my face in their soup and blow.'

George:George's desperate, escalating 'What did she say? What did she say? Will someone tell me what she said?'

Elaine · George:Elaine returns. George: "What were you telling them?" Elaine: "I offered them 25. They had no idea why."

George · Phone Woman:George vs. a woman at the phone: 'I've been here for 10 minutes.' / 'Well, if you were here first, you'd be holding the phone.'

George:'You know, we're living in a society! We're supposed to act in a civilized way!'

George:George's philosophical rant while still starving: 'Does she care? No. Does anyone ever display the slightest sensitivity over the problems of a fellow individual? No. No! A resounding no.'

George · Jerry:Jerry: "Hey, sorry I took so long." George (pivoting instantly): "Oh, that's okay. Really, don't worry about it."

George:George's story about Tatiana's apartment bathroom: 'It's, like, right there, you know? It's not even down a little hall or off in an alcove, you understand? There's no... buffer zone.'

George:George describes his 'impending intestinal requirement whose needs are going to surpass, by great lengths, anything in the sexual realm.'

George:George's description of trying to 'momentarily extricate myself from the proceedings and relieve this unstoppable force' — while knowing 'that bathroom is not gonna provide me with the privacy that I know I'm going to need.'

George · Jerry:George stopped mid-encounter and told Tatiana: 'I think it would be best if I left.' — and this was said DURING, not after.

Jerry · George:Jerry: 'You said this to her after?' George: 'No.' Jerry: 'During?' — beat — George: 'Yeah.'

George:'The only excuse she might possibly have accepted is if I told her I am, in reality, Batman. And I'm very sorry, I just saw the Bat Signal.'

George:George reveals that Tatiana is still on the phone — the very phone he's been unable to reach — meaning his romantic crisis is being compounded by the restaurant's phone obstacle.

George · Jerry · Elaine · Mr. Cohen · Maitre d':The arrival of Mr. Cohen: an elderly regular who just wanders in and is immediately offered a table — while our heroes have been waiting.

George:George reveals he told Tatiana to call and 'ask for a balding, stocky man with glasses.'

George:The reveal: Lorraine works in George's uncle's office. George is 'in big, big trouble' — the same woman he ran into is the key link in a chain of devastating phone calls.

George:George maps out the chain reaction of calls: 'New York, Long Island, Florida. It's like the Bermuda Triangle. Unfortunately, nobody ever disappears.'

George:George recites the exact chain of calls: 'My uncle to my aunt, my aunt to my mother, my mother to my uncle. My uncle to my cousin, my cousin to my sister, my sister to me.'

George:George's defense of Plan 9 from Outer Space: 'This isn't Plans 1-8 from Outer Space. This is Plan 9. This is the one that worked.'

George · Elaine:'Twenty bucks? Isn't that excessive?' / 'Well, what do you wanna give him, change?'

George:George's story about trying to bribe an usher at the Roller Derby and almost getting arrested.

Jerry · George:Jerry: 'He took the money. He didn't give us a table.' George: 'You didn't make it clear.' Jerry: 'Make it clear? What a sorry exhibition that was.'

Elaine · George · Jerry:Debate about eating in the cab: 'Chinese food in a cab?' / eating in the movie / eating hot dogs / 'Oh, movie hot dogs? I'd rather lick the food off the floor.'

George · Maitre d':The Cartwright revelation: George told the restaurant to ask for 'Costanza,' but the host yelled 'Cartwright! Cartwright!' — nobody answered, so he told the caller George wasn't there.

George:George on movie hot dogs: "Oh, movie hot dogs? I'd rather lick the food off the floor."

George · Jerry · Elaine:'Who's Cartwright?' / 'I'm Cartwright.' / 'You're not Cartwright.' / 'Of course I'm not Cartwright!'

George:Everybody likes pesto. You walk into a restaurant, that's all you hear. Pesto. Pesto. Pesto. Where was pesto 10 years ago?

George:...when the fellow returned home, he discovered that the Benes tattoo does not wash off so easily. On some people.

Jerry · George:It was just gonna be a weekend, but, then, somehow it became a week. Ho. Ho. Ho. Ho!

George:He'll probably kill his family over this.

George:What if he's waiting for me outside? He pointed at me. Did you see him point? A lot of ex-cons become busboys. They seem to gravitate toward it.

George:Maybe I'll try that pesto.

Elaine · George:Like you really know busboys. Oh, like you do? Hey, at least I was a camp waiter. Camp. It was a fat camp! Those kids depended on me.

George:Look, I really appreciate your coming, but, um... if you wouldn't mind... try not to say too much.

Kramer · George:What am I going to say? I don't know. Well, I'm not an idiot. Certainly not. Then we're cool. Y-- Yeah. Yeah, w-w-we're cool.

George · Kramer:He's a hell of a guy. This is, uh... a guy I know. Kramer— Habla espanol? Oh, my God. Si. Como se dice... waterbed?

George:Who left the door open?

George:The job... the cat... [long pause] The lamp. There's wire sticking out.

George:Here's my card. Uh, I'm in real estate, so if you're ever looking for something bigger, something nicer... Maybe not right away. Anyway, heh...

George:You ought to get that wire fixed.

George · Kramer · Jerry:It'll be on your conscience. / Oh? How do you figure? / Because you're the one that left the door open. / Why was I in charge of closing the door? / Because you came in after him. / So? / So the last person in should close the door.

George · Kramer:Anywhere in the city? / Anywhere in the city, I'll tell you the best public toilets. 54th and 6th. Sperry Rand Building, 14th floor, Morgan Apparel. Mention my name, she'll give you the key.

George · Kramer:All right. 65th and 10th. / Are you kidding? Lincoln Center, Alice Tully Hall, the Met. Magnificent facilities. Come on.

George:They say no one's ever beaten the Van Wyck... but, gentlemen, I tell you this: I came as close as anyone ever has.

Jerry · Elaine · Kramer · George:There, there. There, there. [pause] Hey, the busboy's coming! The busboy's coming? You don't mean here? Yeah. I just buzzed him in. He's on his way up. He's coming up? Check you out later.

George:Oh, the hell with it! Let him kill me.

Antonio · George:Three nights ago... a gas main beneath the restaurant exploded, killing five people in my section, including the busboy who replaced me. If I'm not fired that night because of you and your thoughtless, stupid, insensitive remarks, it would have been me. You saved my life!

Jerry · Elaine · George · Kramer:He'll get another job. He's a busboy. It won't be for a while. At least not till after the cast comes off. It was that fall down the stairs, that's what did it. / That's not how it happened. / It's when he fell on him with his knee. / Ugh. That was awful. Poor Antonio.

George:George non-sequitur opens with 'And usually for lunch, I'll have a salad. And for dinner, I eat whatever I want.'

George:'I think it would be not being able to tell if there was bugs in my food. How could you ever enjoy a meal like that? I'd constantly be feeling around with my lips and my tongue.'

George:George pivots to the kidnapped kid story: 'Hear about that kid that was kidnapped the other day in Pennsylvania? He was at a carnival with his mother. She gets a hot dog...next thing you know, she turns around, boom, he's gone.'

George:'And these people are all over the place. You never know who's crazy. I could be one of these people.'

Julianna · George:'We have a woman. Why?' / 'No, I'm just saying.' / 'She had references.' / 'I'm sure she did. I'm sure they're impeccable. I'm talking about the ones that forge them.'

Jerry · Kramer · George:Jerry: 'So she's giving me the massage and I'm just making conversation.' / Kramer: 'I don't like to talk during a massage.' / Jerry: 'Neither do I, but I do it for them. I figure they're bored.' / George: 'Yeah, I do that too. I feel guilty about getting the pleasure. I feel like I don't deserve it, so I talk. It stops me from enjoying it.'

Kramer · George · Jerry:Kramer interrupts Jerry's story to complain: 'There's nothing to eat in here.' Jerry: 'I forgot to tell you.' George: 'I'm in the middle of a story.' Kramer: 'Okay, go ahead.' George: 'Why don't you ever go shopping?' Kramer: 'It's not like it's a really funny story.'

George · Jerry · Kramer:George recounts launching into the Pennsylvania abduction story mid-massage: 'And then for some reason, I launch into the story about the kid from Pennsylvania who was abducted.' / Jerry: 'Oh, wasn't that terrible?' / Kramer interjecting: 'Not even an apple.'

George · Jerry:George: 'She doesn't wanna hear that. That was stupid.' Jerry: 'I know it was stupid.' George: 'Really stupid.' Jerry: 'Hey, I just said it was stupid.'

Jerry · George · Kramer:The revelation that physical therapy is covered by insurance if you get a doctor's note — everyone's eyes light up.

Jerry · George:Jerry: 'You don't have to pay?' / George: 'And you don't have to pay?' — both ask the exact same question independently

George · Receptionist:Receptionist: 'And, George, you'll be with Raymond.' George: 'Excuse me. Did you say Raymond?' Receptionist: 'Yes.' George: 'But Raymond is a man.' Receptionist: 'That's right.'

George · Elaine:George: 'I can't get a massage from a man.' / Elaine: 'Why not?' / George: 'What, are you crazy? I can't have a man touching me. Switch with me.' / Elaine: 'I don't want the man either.'

George · Elaine:George: 'What? You're a woman. They're supposed to be touching you.' / Elaine: 'He'd just be touching your back.' / George: 'He'd just be touching your back too.' / Elaine: 'No, it could get sexual.' / George: 'I know. That's the point. If it's gonna get sexual, it should get sexual with you.'

George · Elaine:George: 'What if it felt good?' / Elaine: 'It's supposed to feel good.' / George: 'I don't want it to feel good.' / Elaine: 'Then why get the massage?' / George: 'Exactly.'

George · Raymond:George. / Yes. / I'm Raymond. / Hello. / Are you ready?

Raymond · George:Raymond: 'Why don't you open those pants. It's gonna be a lot easier that way.' — followed by a long implicit pause from George.

George · Raymond:Raymond: 'So, what do you do?' / George: 'What?' / Raymond: 'I said, what do you do?' / George: 'I don't know.'

George · Raymond:Raymond: 'Take off those pants. I'll work the hamstring.' / George: 'Oh, the hamstring's fine.' / Raymond: 'But you wrote that it was tender.' / George: 'I wrote. I wrote.'

George · Raymond:Raymond: 'How did you hurt this?' / George: 'I don't know.' / Raymond: 'You don't know?' / George: 'No.' / Raymond: 'But you just told me.' / George: 'Korea.' / Raymond: 'You hurt it in Korea?' / George: 'What?' / Raymond: 'The hamstring.' / George: 'Korea.' / Raymond: 'How did you hurt the hamstring?' / George: 'Hotel.'

George · Jerry:George comes back to the waiting area visibly shaken: 'A.... Yes. A.... A man gave me.... Yes. A man gave you.... A man gave me... a massage.'

George:George at the receptionist desk: 'No appointments at all? Because my neck is still tight. / What about Thursday? / And Friday? / Oh, boy. Okay. Thanks anyway.'

George · Jerry:'So he was touching and rubbing.' / 'That's a massage.' / 'Then I took my pants off.' / 'You took your pants off?' / 'For my hamstring.' / 'He got about two inches from... there.' / 'Really?' / 'I think it moved.'

George · Jerry:Jerry: 'It moved?' / George: 'It may have moved. I don't know.' / Jerry: 'I'm sure it didn't move.' / George: 'It moved! It was imperceptible, but I felt it.' / Jerry: 'Maybe it just wanted to change positions. You know... shift to the other side.' / George: 'No, no. It wasn't a shift. I've shifted. This was a move.'

George · Jerry:It moved? It may have moved. I don't know. I'm sure it didn't move. It moved! It was imperceptible, but I felt it.

George · Jerry:George: 'That's the sign, the test. If a man makes it move.' / Jerry: 'That's not the test. Contact is the test. If it moves as a result of contact.' / George: 'Do you think it's contact? It has to be touched?' / Jerry: 'That's what a gym teacher once told me.'

George:George: 'I don't like to sit next to men on airplanes because our knees might touch.' / George: 'I don't even like to use urinals. Always been a stall man.'

George:George says 'Oh, what are you, like a Quaker now?' when Jerry expresses moral hesitation about the doctor's note.

Jerry · George:The circular exchange at Roy's: 'And if you can't, believe me, it's fine.' / 'He didn't say he can't.' / 'If you feel funny about it at all.' / 'He doesn't feel funny.' / 'If he does.' / 'Do you feel funny?' / 'Forget it.' / 'He didn't say anything.' / 'He feels funny.'

George · Roy:Roy mentions Evander Holyfield as a patient. George: 'He's got a hell of a body, doesn't he?' / Roy: 'How would I know?' / George: 'Do you like him?' / Roy: 'What do you mean, like him?' / George: 'Do you like him?' / Roy: 'Well, I mean, he's a good fighter and a nice guy, but I don't like him.' / George: 'How come you don't like him?' / Roy: 'Why should I?' / George: 'What is the matter with you?'

Jerry · George:George? [pause] George. [longer pause]

George:George on the phone: 'Can I at least just talk to her so I can apologize?' / Receptionist refuses. George: 'I can't believe this. I make one innocent comment about some lunatic in Pennsylvania, and I'm cut off. This woman is insane.'

George:George limps in, face scraped: 'These kids called me a Mary.' / 'A what?' / 'I was jumping over a puddle. For some reason, I went like this: [effeminate jump gesture implied] And they called me a Mary. So I chased them and I tripped and I fell.'

Jerry · Kramer · George:George: 'Hey, George. What is this? What is that? No, really. What is that?' — Jerry/Kramer examining George's injury

Jerry · George · Elaine:Roy calls: he's under investigation for insurance fraud. The three friends' silent horror as this sinks in — long pause before anyone speaks.

Elaine · Jerry · George:Elaine: 'I told you.' / Jerry: 'Told me what? I didn't say anything.' / George: 'Three notes. How stupid was that? We never should've got three notes.' / Elaine: 'Three notes? Yeah. You, me and George.' / Jerry: 'You got me a note?' / Elaine: 'But I got my own note.' / Jerry: 'You what?' / Elaine: 'I got a note from my gynecologist. I didn't know you'd get me a note.'

George · Elaine:That's how he got caught. We sent in four notes from two doctors. How could you do that to your friend? / He's got a wife, kids and a lot of other stuff.

Jerry · George · Roy:At Roy's office — guilt exchange: 'I mean, the whole thing, it's just....' / 'Tragic.' / 'Well, it's not tragic.' / 'No?' / 'No. It's...' / 'Unsettling?' / 'Okay.' / 'I mean, what if they—?' / 'I hope you're both happy.'

Jerry · George:Jerry: 'I'm not happy.' / George: 'Me neither. I've never been happy.' / Jerry: 'I mean, I'm happy sometimes, but not now.' / George: 'In college, maybe.' / Jerry: 'Those were fun times.' / George: 'Yeah, college was fun.'

Roy · George:Roy reveals the physical therapist must say the complaint 'was related to a dental problem.' George stares blankly: 'What?'

George · Receptionist · Julianna · Raymond:George's attempted apology visit: 'I know I don't have an appointment, but it's really important.' / 'I told you she's not here.' / 'I know she's mad at me, but I really have to speak with her.' / Eventually: 'Run, Billy! Run to the office and close the door. Call the police.' / George: 'What is the—?' / Raymond walks in: 'Hi, George.' / George: 'Hello. Raymond?'

George · Raymond:Hi, George. / Hello. / Raymond?

Jerry · George:Jerry: 'Well, I mean, it's only a six-month probation. It's a slap on the wrist.' / George: 'I still don't see any dinner invitations forthcoming.'

George:George: 'Men have been popping into my sexual fantasies. All of a sudden, I'll be in the middle of— And a guy will appear from out of nowhere. I said, 'Get out of here. What do you want? You don't belong here.' They talk back. They go, 'Hey, George, how's it going?''

George · Jerry:Men have been popping into my sexual fantasies. / All of a sudden, I'll be in the middle. / Of what? / And a guy will appear from out of nowhere. I said, 'Get out of here. What do you want? You don't belong here.' / What do they do? / They talk back. They go, 'Hey, George, how's it going?' I said, 'Get the hell out of here.'

Jerry · George · Kramer:The third DiMaggio sighting — this time all three see him: 'Oh, my God. It's... Joe DiMaggio. Having a cup of coffee.' / 'And he's dunking.' / 'Look at him. The Yankee Clipper.'

Kramer · Jerry · George:Oh, my God. It's... / What? / Joe DiMaggio. Having a cup of coffee. / And he's dunking. / Yeah. / Look at him. / The Yankee Clipper.

Jerry · George:Jerry points out DiMaggio to George: 'Here. You see? Now, that is a handsome man.' George: 'Oh, please.'

Kramer · Jerry · George:Here. [Kramer pushes George toward DiMaggio] / Oh, please. / Wait. Hold on a minute. Wait. [long pause] / See? I told you.

George:George introduces himself as an accountant who ultimately wants to work exclusively on his papier-mâché hats

Jerry · George:'What if it rains?' / 'They're art. You hang them on the wall.'

George · Elaine:George quotes Thomas Carlyle, 1864, and Elaine immediately identifies it as 'Tommy C.'

George:George breaks up with Patrice immediately after handing over Jerry's tax papers, revealing his new philosophy: 'Tell the truth. That's all. Just tell the truth.'

George · Patrice:George's breakup opener: 'I'm riddled with personal problems. I have a fear of commitment. I don't know how to love.' / 'You hate my earrings, don't you?'

Patrice · George:'And you didn't comment on the chopsticks.' / 'I love the chopsticks. I personally prefer a fork, but they look very nice.'

George:George's brutal truth dump: 'You're pretentious. You call everyone by their full name. You called my doorman Sammy, Samuel. But you didn't even say Samuel. You went Samuel.'

George · Patrice:'Papier-mâché?' / 'What is papier-mâché?'

Patrice · George:'Keep going.' / 'I think I made my point.'

George:'My whole life has been a complete waste of time. And there's so much more to go.'

George · Jerry:George casually reveals he broke up with Patrice — the woman holding Jerry's tax papers — right after handing them over

Jerry · George:Jerry tells George 'you're extremely...careful with money' — and George erupts over being called 'cheap'

George · Jerry:'You should've lied.' / 'So should you!'

George · Jerry:'Champagne, limos, cigars.' — George defending his spending habits while not working

George · Jerry:'She put them in her pocketbook. I guess she took them.' / 'A pocketbook or a handbag? Is that relevant? She took them.'

Jerry · George:'Where is she?' / 'A mental institution.'

George:'I've driven women to lesbianism before, but never to a mental institution.'

George · Kramer:George: 'I've never spoken to a mental patient before.' / Kramer: 'My cousin Douglas was in a place like this...came over for dinner, there was no soda...and he went berserk. He was screaming, "Where's the Pepsi? Where's the Pepsi?"'

George:'I should be in a place like this. I envy this woman. Get to wear slippers all day. Friends visit, they pity you. Pity's very underrated. I like it. It's good.'

George · Jerry:George loves word-association tests: 'There's no wrong answer!' / 'Potato.' / 'Tuberculosis.' / 'Blanket.' / 'Leroy.' / 'Grass.' / 'Tuberculosis.'

George:'Obviously, this isn't a mental institution.' — George saying the quiet part loud about where they actually are

George:George's self-flagellation to Patrice: 'I can't go two minutes without saying something dumb. It's one stupid thing after another.'

Jerry · George:'There are no copies.' / 'Who makes copies?'

George:George engineers a reconciliation between himself and Patrice by telling her what she wants to hear: 'I think...you make a very nice couple.'

Jerry · Kramer · George:The cab negotiation — Kramer insisting on getting in when he's going nowhere near where they're going

George:George announces he's going to a first-time poets reading 'in a burnt-out building down by the docks'

Kramer · Jerry · Elaine · George:Everyone fights to share the cab to 48th Street: 'We'll share a cab.' / 'You going by 48th. You can give me a ride.' / 'I'm getting in on that.' / 'You know you're chipping in!'

George · Jerry:George calculates the fine: 'That's a nickel a day for 20 years. It's gonna be $50,000.' Jerry: 'It doesn't work like that.' George: 'If it's a dime a day, it could be 100,000.'

George:George dismisses the library as 'a bunch of cheapskates... sitting around reading the newspaper attached to those huge wooden sticks... trying to save a quarter.'

George:George on the Dewey Decimal System: 'What a scam that was. Boy, this Dewey guy really cleaned up on that deal.'

George · Kramer:George at the library, pointing at a patron reading a newspaper on a stick: 'Look. Trying to save a quarter.' Then Kramer: 'I kind of like those sticks. I'd like to get them in my house.'

George:George looks at the librarian ignoring him and narrates: 'This woman's completely ignoring me. Look at her. This is a lonely woman looking for companionship. A spinster. Maybe a virgin.'

George · Jerry:George spots the screaming, calisthenics-doing homeless man on the library steps and says he thinks it's their old gym teacher, Mr. Heyman.

George:'He's older... completely covered in filth, no whistle. But I think it's him.'

Jerry · George:Jerry: 'George got him fired. He squealed on him.' George: 'I didn't tattle.' Jerry: 'He sang like a canary.'

Elaine · Jerry · George:So they forgot to get your lunch. Big deal. What do you know? You've never worked in an office. See, you've worked in an office, George. You understand. Jerry thinks I'm overreacting, but you understand lunch.

George:George suddenly says: 'Just because I got the guy fired doesn't mean I turned him into a bum, does it?' — apparently addressing Elaine's lunch paranoia conversation

George:Heyman's nickname for George: instead of 'Costanza,' he'd say 'Can't Stand Ya. Can't Stand Ya.'

Jerry · George:Jerry remembers Heyman made George smell his own gym socks; then adds 'I remember he made you wear a jock on your head for a whole class.'

George:George describing Heyman's teeth: 'Remember his teeth? It was like from an exhumed corpse. Little baked beans.'

George:George: 'He actually failed me in gym. Me. And those spastic Schnitzer twins.'

George · Heyman:The wedgie scene reenactment: Heyman demanding to see what brand of underwear George wears, then 'Yeah, well, let's take a look!' and giving George a wedgie.

George:George explains what a wedgie is, then escalates to the atomic wedgie: 'The goal there is to actually get the waistband on top of the head. It's very rare.'

Elaine · George:Elaine: 'Boys are sick.' George asks what girls do instead. Elaine: 'We just tease someone till they develop an eating disorder.'

Jerry · George:The flashback reveals George was given the book with the instruction 'Don't let anybody see it. Don't let anything happen to it.' George: 'Jerry, it's me, George. Don't worry. I'll return it tomorrow.'

George:George describes finding Heyman homeless on the steps: 'I said, "Can't stand you. Can't stand you." He turns and smiles. The little baked-bean teeth.'

George:I get up to run away...but something was holding me back. It was Heyman. He had my underwear.

George:George: 'I get up to run away... but something was holding me back. It was Heyman. He had my underwear.'

George:Here I was on the steps of the 42nd Street library... a grown man... getting a wedgie.

George:George: 'At least it wasn't atomic.' [beat] 'It was.'

George:Final scene: George sits muttering to himself, 'Can't stand you. Can't stand you. Can't stand you.' — apparently still processing the events

Jerry · George:Jerry calculates the fine: 'Do you know how much that comes to? That's a nickel a day for 20 years. It's gonna be $50,000.' / George: 'It doesn't work like that.' / Jerry: 'If it's a dime a day, it could be 100,000.'

George:George: 'Memory burn, huh?' after Jerry's orange-dress monologue.

Jerry · George:Jerry about George: 'Wait till he finds out we're going to the library. He'll be thrilled.' — George is seen sitting in the library reading a newspaper attached to a huge wooden stick.

George:George: 'The Dewey Decimal System. What a scam that was.' / 'Boy, this Dewey guy really cleaned up on that deal.'

George:George sees the wooden newspaper stick and says: 'I kind of like those sticks. I'd like to get them in my house.'

Jerry · George:Jerry learns the library investigator's name: 'Bookman?' / George: 'The library investigator's name is actually Bookman?' / Jerry: 'Come on.' / George: 'It's true.' / Jerry: 'That's amazing. That's like an ice-cream man named Cone.'

George:George's description of recognizing Heyman: 'He's older, completely covered in filth, no whistle. But I think it's him.'

Jerry · George · Kramer:Jerry: 'George got him fired. He squealed on him.' / George: 'I didn't tattle.' / Kramer: 'He sang like a canary.'

Elaine · Jerry · George:Elaine: 'He never likes anything I recommend, and then that lunch thing.' Jerry: 'So they forgot to get your lunch. Big deal.' Elaine: 'What do you know? You've never worked in an office. See, you've worked in an office, George. You understand. Jerry thinks I'm overreacting, but you understand lunch.'

George:George: 'I don't understand lunch. I don't know anything about it. Just because I got the guy fired doesn't mean I turned him into a bum, does it?'

George:George confesses what Heyman did: 'He purposely mispronounced my name. Instead of saying Costanza, he'd say, "Can't stand you. Can't stand you."'

Jerry · Kramer · George:Jerry: 'Remember, he made me smell my own gym socks once?' Kramer: 'I remember he made you wear a jock on your head for a whole class.' Jerry: 'And the straps were hanging down...' George: 'Okay, okay.'

George:George reveals: 'He actually failed me in gym. Me. And those spastic Schnitzer twins.'

George · Heyman:Flashback: Heyman pulls George's waistband and gives him a wedgie in front of the class. The setup/payoff of George getting a wedgie as the reason he got Heyman fired.

George:George explains wedgie mechanics: 'Because the underwear is pulled up from the back until it...wedges in.' Then: 'They also have an atomic wedgie. The goal there is to actually get the waistband on top of the head. It's very rare.'

Elaine · George:Elaine: 'Boys are sick.' George: 'Well, what do girls do?' Elaine: 'We just tease someone till they develop an eating disorder.'

George:George describes finding and approaching Heyman: 'He smelled like the locker room after that game against Erasmus. That was double overtime.'

George:George approaches Heyman and says: 'It's me, George Costanza. JFK, '71.' Then: 'Can't stand you. Can't stand you.'

George:George: 'He turns and smiles. The little baked-bean teeth.' — Then George gets up to run away but: 'Something was holding me back. It was Heyman. He had my underwear.'

George:George: 'I get up to run away... but something was holding me back.' [beat] 'It was Heyman. He had my underwear.'

Jerry · George:Jerry: 'At least it wasn't atomic.' George: '...It was.'

George · Bookman:George confronts Jerry about the book: 'I hope there's no hard feelings.' / Bookman emerges: 'Hard feelings? What do you know about hard feelings? Ever have a man die in your arms? Ever kill somebody?'

George · Jerry:George on whether Heyman is still out there: 'Was he out there?' / 'No, he's gone.' / 'I wonder what happened to him.' / 'I guess we'll never know.' — Cut to homeless Heyman.

George:George on his father going state to state before buying a car: 'Like he's running for president and going through the primaries. We'd get phone calls from New Hampshire.'

Jerry · George:'There's no other way. Everybody goes every way all the time.' / 'But it's Saturday.' / 'You got the picnic and burger traffic.'

George · Jerry:George imagines approaching the woman: 'I'll go up and say, Hi, how you doing? Would you like a glass of white wine?' — followed by 'You get within 15 feet, she'd have her finger on the Mace button.'

George:George: 'That was a guy?' then immediately pivots to 'Where's the car?' — no acknowledgment of embarrassment

Jerry · Kramer · George:The group realizes nobody knows where they parked. Jerry: 'Look, I thought it was Green 22.' Kramer: 'I remember Orange.' Jerry: 'I didn't pay attention.'

George:'We're like rats in some experiment.'

George:George: 'In a parking lot, you write it down. How hard is that?'

George · Kramer:Kramer: 'What would it take for his parents to get a car phone?' George: 'Hypnosis by aliens.'

George:George: 'I can't carry a pen. I'm afraid I'll puncture my scrotum.'

George:George complaining about no bathrooms: 'There's 600 stores, I didn't see one bathroom. What is this, like, a joke? Don't they consult with a urologist when they build one of these places?'

George:A parent hits a child in the parking garage; George intervenes: 'I think hitting a defenceless child is my business.'

George · Stranger:The exchange: 'You're ugly.' / 'What?' / 'You are.' / 'You are.' / 'That's what you think.' / 'That's what I know.'

George:George's plea for a ride: 'We're not skinheads.'

George · Elaine:Jerry goes to urinate behind a car — George calls out 'George!' in alarm — followed by [09:17] 'Okay, let's go.' suggesting George was caught/witnessed doing something

George:George: 'I'm never gonna get out of here. Guy goes to pee, he never comes back. It's like a science-fiction story.'

George · Elaine:George and Elaine debate whether death bothers them: 'What's the difference? We'll all be dead eventually.' / 'Does that bother you?' / 'Yeah, it bothers me.' / 'Doesn't it bother you?' / 'Not at all.' / 'Now, that bothers me even more than dying bothers me.'

George · Elaine · Kramer:George and Elaine have a genuine philosophical conversation about dying. George: 'Yeah, it bothers me.' Elaine: 'Doesn't it bother you?' Kramer: 'Not at all.' George: 'Now, that bothers me even more than dying bothers me. Because people like you live to be 120, because you're not bothered by it.'

George · Elaine:Elaine quotes 'the secret of life is just to live every moment' — George: 'Yeah, I've heard that. Meanwhile, I'm here with you in a parking garage in Jersey.'

George · Stranger:George begs a stranger for help finding Jerry; stranger says 'I can't.' George: 'That's not a reason, you can't. You just don't want to.' Stranger: 'That's right.' George: 'But why? Why don't you want to?' Stranger: 'I don't know.'

George · Elaine:The conversation about the inspector who 'had a fat fetish' and 'never dated a woman under 250 pounds.' George: 'Does he just jump up and down on it? Or does he gouge it like Killer Kowalski?'

George:'Complete failure as a general, but a hell of a cook.'

George · Elaine:George decides to spit on the double-parked Mercedes, escalating from 'I'd like to spit on it' to actually doing it while the group eggs him on

George · Elaine:George and Elaine then openly admire the Mercedes: 'This is some machine. Leave it to the Germans. What do they get for a tune-up on this?'

George:George: 'The fumes. I can't breathe. I'm having trouble breathing.'

Kramer · George:George spots an attractive woman again; Kramer immediately says 'Hey, George, there she is again.'

George · Michele:George approaches Michele and immediately gets her to agree to drive them around by just asking normally — she says 'Sure, I'll drive you around.'

Michele · George · Elaine:As Michele drives them through the garage, she says: 'It smells like a toilet.' George: 'People are such animals.' Elaine: 'You're telling me. Filthy pigs.'

George · Michele:George gets ejected from the car: 'Get out! But I didn't mean anything by it. I don't even know L. Ron Hubbard. I didn't know you were with that group.'

Jerry · George · Elaine:The group finds the car and erupts: 'What is it? The car! The car! The car! The car!' then immediately: 'Kramer's not here. I knew it.'

Jerry · George · Elaine · Kramer:The play starts at 8:00; it's 7:45; Kramer has an air conditioner; they're in Jersey.

Jerry · George · Elaine · Kramer:The car won't start — silent beat, then the scene ends without resolution

George · Jerry:She thinks I'm nice. Women don't want nice.

George:What kind of a sick society are we living in when nice is bad?

Jerry · George:What's that smell? What are you wearing? / A little cologne. / Manly.

George · Jerry:Monica wants me to wear it. / Why didn't you say no? / I'm too nice.

George:George: 'I've never been a guinea pig. Been a sheep, been a toady...'

George · Jerry:I've been lying about my SAT scores for 15 years. / What did you get? / What did I get, or what do I say I got? / What do you say? / I say 1409. / 1409, that's a good score. / You're telling me. / What did you really get? / You're my friend. / Of course. / I tell you everything, right? / I hope so. / Well, this I take to the grave.

Jerry · George:Sometimes people won't go in a place if they don't see anyone else in there. / Do you have to do that? Jerry, don't do that. That is so annoying.

Kramer · George:Since when do you wear cologne? / Why is what I do so important? Why must I always be the focal point of attention? Let me just be. Let me live.

Jerry · George:Why must you always be the focal point of attention? Why can't you just be? Why can't you live? (Jerry throwing George's words back at him)

Elaine · George · Jerry:I don't even know my IQ. / Mine's 145. / One forty-five! / Get out of here. / You get out of here. / You get out of here.

George · Jerry:Maybe you should take the test for me. / That would be something, cheating on an IQ test.

George · Jerry:Remember in college when you passed Lettick the test out the window? You became a legend after that. / Yeah. Yeah, I really had some guts back then.

Jerry · George:Hey, what do you think? / Hey, I love a good caper. / Yeah, that's what it is, isn't it? A caper.

Elaine · Jerry · George:IQ tests are totally bogus. They prove nothing. / You'll do well. You're smart. / No, see, he's not smart. People think he's smart, but he's not.

Monica · George:George? / Yeah? / The door's locked. / Oh, it's locked? / I need to get something. / Monica, I'm really focused here. This stuff's a killer.

Jerry · George:How did you do on the IQ test? / Eighty-five! / What? / Eighty-five, Jerry! 85 IQ.

George:George bursts in: 'Eighty-five! Eighty-five, Jerry! 85 IQ!' — devastated.

Jerry · George:Well, well, well... / He's coming up? / Well, I'm no genius, but according to my calculations, he should be here in a few seconds.

George:It was the same look my father gave me when I told him I wanted to be a ventriloquist.

George · Jerry:Come on. I'll guarantee you 140. / What do you have to lose? / You could do worse!

Elaine · George:Elaine goes out the window AGAIN to return the test: 'You know, it's the damnedest thing. I went out the window again to get a cup of coffee...'

George · Jerry · Elaine:You know what my IQ is? One fifty-one. / One fifty-one? / Yeah.

Jerry · George · Elaine:That's a good score. / So, what are you up for? How about Mexican? / Italian. / No, Chinese.

George · Jerry:George pitches a toe-hierarchy bit: 'The coup d'é-toe.'

George · Jerry:Jerry confirms he did George's toe bit on stage. George asks 'So?' Jerry says: 'Nothing. Nothing at all.'

George · Jerry:George: 'I need the phone.' Jerry: 'Who you calling?' George: 'China.'

Jerry · George · Kramer:Spector is giving everything away — he's becoming a minimalist. 'Is that the guy who likes fat women?' 'Doesn't the fat fetish conflict with the minimalism?'

George · Jerry:George discovers a woman left an erotic message on Jerry's tape recorder — his reaction: 'Oh, my God. Oh, God. Man. Oh, brother. I can't believe what I'm hearing.'

Jerry · George:The tape is cut off mid-sentence just as the erotic message gets explicit — '[erotic line trails off]'

George:George: 'Why can't I meet women like this?'

George:George: 'What do the Chinese have to gain by faking a cure for baldness? If it was real, they'd never let it out of the country. Imagine no baldness. It would be like a nation of supermen.'

George · Kramer · Elaine:Kramer bursts in and George says 'Tell her!' meaning the Chinese cure — but Kramer starts telling her about the erotic tape, not the cure.

Elaine · Jerry · George:Elaine demonstrates the erotic voice — 'Jerry... I want to slide my tongue around you like a snake' — revealing herself as the mystery woman on the tape.

George:George's reaction upon seeing Elaine revealed as the voice: 'Oh, my God. You?'

George · Jerry · Elaine:George: 'So, what about this girl on your tape recorder?' Jerry (already knowing it's Elaine): 'Oh, Elaine.'

Jerry · George:Jerry muses: 'What do you think an enraptured female fan of mine might say?' Then describes the tape message as 'illegal in some states, for consenting adults. Things you would know very little about.'

George:George: 'Maybe she realized she couldn't have you and jumped off the George Washington Bridge.'

George · Jerry:George picks up the phone immediately after to call Beijing. Jerry: 'Why are you doing this?' George: 'Why do I do anything? For women.'

Kramer · George · Elaine:In Kramer's fake interview, George is cast as Elaine's co-star — 'an airline pilot who's just returned from Rome.' Then the Chinese food delivery arrives mid-scene: 'That's my Chinese food.'

Kramer · Elaine · George:Kramer (still in interview mode): 'Elaine, in your movies, is the sex real or simulated?' Elaine: 'Oh, it's always simulated... except with George. That's in my contract.'

Jerry · George:The Chinese delivery man turns out to be related to someone at the Beijing hair clinic George is trying to call. Jerry: 'They've got a billion people over there. He found a relative.'

Delivery Man · George:Delivery man translates the clinic's promise: 'They say you grow hair. Look like Stalin.'

Delivery Man · George:George asks about side effects. Delivery man translates: 'Impotence.'

George:George: 'Oh, funny. He's a funny guy, yeah.' — dismissing the impotence warning as a joke.

Jerry · George:Jerry attempts a cockney accent: 'Not bloody likely.' George tells him it's no good. Jerry then asks George to do his cockney: George's is equally terrible.

Kramer · George:Kramer wants to videotape George's bald head for a 'before' picture. George: 'Don't get the camera. We don't need the camera.' Kramer: 'I know you're skeptical, but I believe in the Chinese.'

Kramer · George:Kramer directing George to tilt his head for the 'before' video, pointing out the problem areas: 'That's where he needs help.'

Kramer · George:George applies the Chinese hair cream and it stinks. Kramer: 'And it stinks. Can you smell that? You stink.'

George · Kramer:Kramer asks how long to leave the cream on. George: 'All day.'

George · Jerry:George to Jerry: 'Who keeps track of hellos?' Then: 'Isn't it polite to say hello when somebody says hello?'

George · Jerry:George reports that while sleeping with Marion, he 'rolled over and cut her ankle with my big toe.' Jerry: 'The big toe — the captain.'

George · Jerry · Kramer:George took off the smelly hair cream after a short time. Jerry: 'That's it? You gave up?' George: 'No, I'm working on a system.'

Jerry · George:Jerry calls the mystery woman — long pause, then: 'So?' George: 'I don't get this woman.' Jerry: 'We're having a great time, couple of laughs. Everything's nice. End of the night, I go in for contact. I get the pullback.'

Kramer · George:Kramer examines the video of George's head and thinks he sees 'a couple of buds' growing.

George · Kramer · Jerry:George has become attracted to Elaine and reveals it to Jerry. Kramer interrupts insisting they watch the video of George's head. George: 'Kramer, I'd like to talk to George for a minute, please.' (he means Jerry) Kramer: 'Like the big toe captain? What?'

Jerry · George:George reveals to Jerry that Elaine was the voice on the tape. Jerry says he can't tell Elaine because George 'promised her.' Jerry: 'I thought you said she doesn't know.' George: 'She doesn't.' Jerry: 'So how can you promise her?' George: 'Because she asked me to.' Jerry: 'What is this, an Abbott and Costello routine?'

George · Jerry:The Abbott and Costello routine: George has promised not to tell Elaine something at Elaine's request, even though Elaine doesn't know he knows. Jerry: 'What is this, an Abbott and Costello routine?'

George · Jerry · Elaine:Elaine calls Jerry mid-crisis; George panics: 'Don't tell her I told you! She'll kill me!' Jerry: 'Okay, I promise!' — while everything is completely collapsing simultaneously

George:George gets a pain in his side from 'you know...' — implied to be from the knowledge that Elaine made the tape, while Elaine walks in.

Elaine · George · Jerry:Elaine confronts the apartment and asks 'What are you doing here?' to George — walking into the middle of the increasingly tangled situation involving the tape, George's attraction to her, and the hair cream.

Elaine · Jerry · George:Elaine admits she was the one who talked into the tape recorder. Jerry: 'I know. George told me.' George: 'He threatened me.'

George · Elaine · Kramer:George declares his attraction to Elaine. 'I'm very attracted to you.' Kramer immediately: 'I found a hair! Yes!'

Kramer · George · Elaine:Kramer: 'Ever since I found out that you left the message on Jerry's tape recorder—' [reveals Elaine's secret to George, completing the circle of everyone knowing everything]

George:George's reaction to learning Elaine made the tape: 'Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. Elaine, I can't believe that is you.' — stunned, infatuated.

Elaine · Jerry · Kramer · George:The episode ends with Elaine, Jerry, and Kramer calmly telling George 'Stick around, it's early, we'll order Chinese' as he tries to leave — while holding the tape.

Jerry · George · Elaine · Kramer:George's romantic gesture is completely undermined as everyone realizes Elaine was the tape voice; Jerry is stunned; the moment collapses into everyone being awkward at once.

George · Jerry:George met a woman on an elevator and opened with: 'I'm the one responsible for those crop circles in England.'

George:Woman's response to the crop circles line: 'What crop circles?'

George · Jerry · Kramer:George had spinach in his teeth during a job interview all afternoon.

Jerry · George:Jerry performs George's entire failed job interview dialogue himself: 'Well, Mr. Costanza, we have nothing available at the present time, but should anything open up, we'll be in touch.'

Jerry · George:'You don't need a job. You got Audrey.' / George's 'Yeah. Right.' pause and deflection.

George · Jerry:George: 'You won't think I'm a bad person?' / Jerry: 'Too late for that.'

George:'I mean, big would even be okay. It's beyond big. It's a schnoz.'

George · Jerry:George: 'I'm aware that my own physical dimensions are a little short of perfection.' / Jerry: 'A little.'

George:George's obsessive nose monologue: 'I go to bed, I tell myself don't think about the nose. I think about it.'

George:The ironic thing is, if she had a smaller nose, I never could've dated her. She'd be out of my league with a smaller nose.

George:George, seeing Audrey approach: 'All right, shut up. Here they come. How can I not think about it? Look at the size of this thing.'

Kramer · Elaine · George:Kramer to Elaine, unprompted: 'You're as pretty as any of them. Just need a nose job.'

George:George: 'Yeah, well, you can kiss that jacket goodbye, Mr. Von Nausen.'

George:George is staying with Elaine for another month while waiting for 'Tina' to come back — we don't know who Tina is or why this makes sense.

George · Audrey:George pretending not to be thinking about the nose: 'Thinking? Nothing. What could I possibly be thinking?'

Jerry · Audrey · George:Jerry and Audrey attempt to make small talk about Kramer: 'So how about that Kramer?' / 'Yeah, how about him?' — a mutual performance of normalcy after the disaster.

George · Audrey:George asks Audrey what she thought 'about the nose job' — after establishing the conversation is supposedly not about that.

George:George's awkward pro-nose-job speech: 'Not that I care one way or the other... but these doctors today do amazing things. If you were so inclined.'

George:George: 'Peter Jennings had one.' / 'Really?' / 'Probably. They all do.' / 'In my high school, half my graduating class had them. Of course, I'm from Long Island, so...'

George · Audrey:George: 'It's really nothing. It's like going to the dentist.' / Audrey: 'I hate the dentist.' / George: 'It's a cleaning.'

George · Audrey:Audrey: 'So you really think I should do this.' / George: 'If it makes you happy. I don't focus on these things.'

George:George: 'Unfortunately... we live in a very superficial society. I don't condone it... but it's a fact of life.'

Elaine · George:Elaine confronts George: 'Peter Jennings had one?' / George: 'It's possible.'

George · Audrey · Elaine:George: 'No, George is right. I wanna get one.' — Audrey takes George's side against Elaine's objection.

George · Kramer:George: 'I'm going straight to hell. No two ways about it.' / Kramer: 'It might not be hell, but you're gonna run into bad dudes.'

Jerry · George:The group is excited to see the nose job results: 'Get the check. She takes the bandages off at 4:00.' / 'It's exciting. She's gonna have a new face.'

George:George on Isabel: 'I have never been so repulsed by someone mentally and so attracted to them physically at the same time.'

George:'It's like my brain is facing my penis in a chess game. And I'm letting him win.'

Jerry · George:Jerry: 'You're not letting him win. He wins till you're 40.' / George: 'Then what?' / Jerry: 'He still wins, but it's not a blowout.'

George:Isabel makes George read 'moronic acting scenes' with her, and he does it because he's addicted to the sex.

George · Jerry:George has fleas from his cousin's dog.

Jerry · George:Jerry: 'Maybe you could get yourself a little bow tie flea collar.'

George:Going to a Long Island party 'smacks of desperation.' Everyone will say 'You came all the way out from Manhattan for this?'

George:George refuses to go until he hears Ava will be there, then immediately says 'I'll drive!'

George · Jerry:George and Jerry compare deodorant ingredient lists in the drugstore — 'You got sorbitan sesquioleate?' / 'Got it.' / 'I have aloe.' / 'You got aloe? I love aloe.'

George · Cashier:George insists he gave the cashier a $20, she gave him change for a 10 — the extended confrontation escalating into: 'You owe me $10... You may think you've won, but you haven't won... It's not over. I'm going now. Goodbye. I will be back.'

George · Cashier:George asks the cashier: 'Who, in this situation, would be more likely to make a mistake? Me, who had access to my wallet, knew exactly what was in there... or you?' — and the cashier says 'You.'

George:George looks at the party and says: 'Yeah, this has got "disaster" written all over it.'

George:George: 'How did I let you talk me into this? I must have been out of my mind.'

George · Jerry:George and Jerry devise a signal system to escape bad conversations. The signal: 'Chicken wing.' Then George changes it: 'Head-patting.'

George · Stranger:The party stranger says 'You came all the way out from Manhattan for this?' — exactly the line George predicted.

Party Bore · George:The bore continues: 'I've often wondered if he ever worked with the pecan.' George responds sincerely: 'Yeah. Me too.'

George:George on Ava: 'I would have picked up on it. Women always somehow let you know... With me, they could torture me, I wouldn't tell them.'

George:George: 'Maybe a safe fell on her head.' — explaining why Ava suddenly wants him.

George:George tells Jerry what Ava said to him: 'She told me she wants me to make love to her.'

George:George's response to 'Make love to me' was: 'I long for you.'

George:George's anxiety spiral: 'I can't perform under pressure. That's why I never play anything for money. I choke. I could choke tonight. And she works in my office.'

George:George's bathroom ritual: 'Every time I go to the bathroom, I pass her desk. I have to plan little patter. I spend half my day writing. Then afterwards I sit in my office and analyse how it went. If it was a good conversation, I don't go to the bathroom the rest of the day.'

George:George's solution to the workplace problem: 'I have no choice. I'm quitting.'

George:George's solution to his workplace anxiety: 'I have no choice. I'm quitting.'

Jerry · George:George trying to steal medicine: 'You're stealing this, aren't you?' George: 'I'm not stealing. They owe me $10. They stole from me.'

George · Store Employee:Store employee catches George: 'What do you got in your shirt?' — then marches him to the back.

Jerry · George:Jerry and George bond in jail over a shared dislike of Sergeant Chadway: 'There's no call for that kind of attitude.' / 'One of the guys in my cell threw a piece of gum at him. We all hated him.'

George:"I don't know my alarm sound. I'm not tuned into it like it's my son."

Jerry · George:"They cross the wires or something." / "Cross the wires? I can't even make a pot of spaghetti."

Kramer · Jerry · George:The suggestion to call the car phone of the stolen car to talk to the thief

George · Car Thief:"Did you steal my car?" / "Yes, I did."

George · Car Thief:"I didn't know it was yours." / "What are you gonna do with it?" / "I don't know. Drive around."

George · Car Thief:"Then can I have it back?" / "No, I'm gonna keep it."

Kramer · George:The revelation that Sid makes $2,000–$2,500/month just moving cars three hours a day for 40–50 people at $50/month each

George:"Could anybody do that?" [George immediately sees himself doing Sid's job]

Jerry · George:Jerry's running commentary on what the supervisor and her colleague are 'really' saying to each other across the room

George:"Is he in the scene?" [pause, then: Yeah, it's me and him]

George · Kramer:"Was Mia Farrow there?" / "I didn't see him."

Kramer · Jerry · George:Kramer's setup for his Woody Allen line, over-explaining the scene: "It's Woody Allen. Did I mention that?" / "We got it. We got it."

Jerry · George · Kramer:Jerry, George, and Kramer each trying different deliveries of "These pretzels are making me thirsty" — Kramer doing it angry, George doing it despondent, Jerry doing it intensely

George:George's Method acting for the line: the character has no job, no woman, and is parking cars for a living

Jerry · Elaine · Kramer · George:The first aid chaos: arguing about raising feet vs. raising the head, cold compress vs. paper towel vs. big sponge

Jerry · George:Newspaper article about Owen: 'The extent of the damage would have been far less severe had paramedics been able to reach him sooner.'

George:"Can you die from an odour? I mean, if you were locked in a vomitorium for two weeks, could you die from the odour?"

George:George's response to Jerry's vomitorium question: 'An overdose of odour. Good question.'

Elaine · George:Owen appears at the diner — recovered — and tells Elaine he was just using her for sex

George:George says he bumped into Owen on the 42nd Street subway — 'he's almost fully recovered. Told me he was just using me for sex.'

Jerry · George:The car alarm goes off outside — a callback to the stolen car / alarm chaos from the episode's start

Jerry · George:Jerry arguing about how the Statue of Liberty was transported: 'What do you think, they put the statue on a giant raft and a tugboat pulled it all the way from France?'

George:George's counter-theory: 'Think they brought it in pieces and screwed it together like a coffee table?'

George · Jerry:George asking about international gift-giving between countries: 'Countries just exchange gifts like that?' / 'If they like each other.'

George · Jerry:George dismissing the idea he'd gossip: 'Who am I gonna tell, my mother? Like I have nothing better to talk about.' / Jerry: 'You don't.'

Elaine · George:Elaine offers George a job as a reader at her publishing company as his 'Christmas present' — and he immediately turns it into a job interview.

George:George's job interview answer about his reading experience: 'Well, you know, book reports, that kind of stuff.'

George:George names Mike Lupica, a sportswriter for the Daily News, as his favorite author when asked about literary influences.

George:When pressed for more authors, George stalls: 'Well... a lot of good ones. Lot of good ones.' / 'I don't even wanna mention anybody because I'm afraid I'm gonna leave somebody out.'

George:George names 'Art Vandalay' as his favorite author — a fictional character George uses repeatedly — claiming he's 'an obscure beatnik from the Village' who wrote a book called 'Venetian Blinds.'

George · Dick:I like Art Vandalay. / Art Vandalay? / He's an obscure writer. Beatnik, you know, from the village. / What's he written? / Venetian Blinds.

George · Jerry:No, no, this is just cranberry juice. / I think maybe Dick picked up yours.

George · Jerry · Elaine:George returns with 'cranberry juice' that turns out to be just cranberry juice — he accidentally gave Dick the vodka cranberry.

George:'I didn't know you meant hold it. I thought you meant hold it.'

George:George examining the cashmere sweater: 'Who doesn't like cashmere? Find me one person that doesn't like cashmere. It's too expensive.'

Jerry · George:Jerry and George debating whether you can smell alcohol from one drink, leading to George suggesting they smell each other.

George:George's impromptu Hennigan's Scotch commercial: 'Boy, that Hennigan goes down smooth... and afterwards, you don't even smell. That's right, folks. I just had three shots of Hennigan's, and I don't smell. Imagine, you can walk around drunk all day. That's Hennigan's, the no-smell, no-tell Scotch.'

George:Boy, that Hennigan goes down smooth, and afterwards, you don't even smell. That's right, folks. I just had three shots of Hennigan's, and I don't smell. Imagine, you can walk around drunk all day. That's Hennigan's, the no-smell, no-tell Scotch.

George:George enters Jerry's apartment clearly drunk, tells everyone 'I'm gonna tell you what I think. I know you don't care what I think, but I'm gonna tell you. I think that you are terrific.' Then just leaves.

George:Say you got a big job interview and you're nervous. Throw back a couple of shots of Hennigan's and you'll be as loose as a goose and ready to roll in no time. And because it's odourless, why, it'll be our little secret.

Elaine · George:Elaine's reaction to the cashmere sweater gift, then George's immediate 'take it off': 'George, this is one of the nicest things anyone has ever given me.' / George: 'Good. Good. Listen, take it off. You're gonna wear it out already. It's for special occasions, this thing.'

Elaine · George:Oh, George, this is beautiful. Is this cashmere? / Of course it's cashmere. / Oh, I love cashmere. / Who doesn't? / Oh, my God. George, this must have cost a fortune.

Elaine · George:Elaine discovers the red dot on the sweater and asks about it. George panics and tries to distract her: 'Listen, take it off. I'm getting hot just looking at it.'

George · Dick:You're still here? You're a dynamo. / I can't believe I get paid for this.

George · Jerry:George reveals the catalyst: 'Who are you? How did you do that?' / 'Hennigan's.'

George · Jerry:George: 'I've always been attracted to cleaning women.' / Jerry: 'Cleaning women, chambermaids...' / George: 'Yeah, chambermaids, I'm attracted to them too.' / Jerry: 'Why is that?' / George: 'It's a woman in your room.'

George · Jerry:Cleaning women, chambermaids... / Yeah, chambermaids, I'm attracted to them too. / Why is that? / It's a woman in your room.

George · Jerry:So she starts vacuuming, back and forth, back and forth... her hips swivelling... her breasts... / Convulsing? / Convulsing? / I don't know. I'm trying to help you.

George · Jerry:George describing the cleaning woman vacuuming: 'back and forth, back and forth, her hips swivelling, her breasts...' / Jerry: 'Convulsing?' / George: 'Convulsing? I don't know. I'm trying to help you.'

George:'I don't know if it was the alcohol or the ammonia, but the next thing I knew, she was mopping the floor with me.'

George · Jerry:'The sex was okay, but I threw up from the Hennigan's.' / Jerry: 'Good thing the cleaning lady was there.'

Jerry · George:The confrontation between Jerry/George over whether George intentionally left the drink: repeated 'What are you saying?' / 'I'm not saying anything.' / 'You must be saying something.' / 'If I was, I would have said it.' / 'Say it.' / 'I said it.' / 'What did you say?' / 'Nothing.'

George · Jerry:George refuses to swear he didn't tell Jerry about the sweater: 'I'm not swearing. I don't wanna swear.' / 'Come on, swear.' / 'No.'

George · Elaine · Jerry:Elaine directly asks George about the red dot discount, George launches into a 'shocked' speech: 'Elaine, I'm shocked. I'm shocked.' — then Jerry accidentally confirms it when George accuses him.

George:Elaine, I'm shocked. I'm shocked. Here I go out, in the spirit of the season and spend all my savings to buy you the most beautiful Christmas sweater I have ever seen, to show my appreciation to you at Christmas, and this is the thanks I get at Christmas.

Jerry · George:George accuses Jerry of telling Elaine, and Jerry says 'I didn't tell her, you stupid idiot. She tricked you.'

George:George's fever defense: 'Elaine, you don't understand. I had a 103 temperature when I bought that sweater. I was so dizzy, I was seeing red dots everywhere. I thought everything in the store had a red dot on it. I couldn't distinguish one red dot from the other.'

George:I had a 103 temperature when I bought that sweater. I was so dizzy, I was seeing red dots everywhere. I thought everything in the store had a red dot on it. I couldn't distinguish one red dot from the other.

George:George's genuine plea: 'I couldn't afford anything. I have nothing. I haven't worked for a really long time... look, I have no clothes. Look at what I'm wearing. It was just a little red dot. A little red dot.'

George · Lupe:The cleaning woman (Lupe) receiving the cashmere sweater from George as a bribe, saying 'Oh, Georgie, you bought this for me?' while George desperately adds the clause 'never breathe a word... what with Clarence Thomas and everything.'

George · Lupe:George tries to get Lupe not to try on the sweater immediately: 'I had a feeling you would like it.' / She tries it on / George: 'All right, take it off. You're gonna ruin it.' / Lupe discovers the red dot.

Cleaning Woman · George:I'm going to try it on. / No. Don't try it on now. Try it later. / Oh, look, it fits beautiful. / All right, take it off. You're gonna ruin it. / What's this?

George · Mr. Lippman:George's firing scene: 'Is that correct?' / pause / 'Who said that?' / 'She did.' / 'Was that wrong? Should I not have done that?'

George · Mr. Lippman:After being fired, George asks: 'What about the whole Christmas-spirit thing? Any flexibility there?' / Boss: 'No.'

George · Mr. Lippman:George presents his boss with a letter — presumably from the cleaning woman — after being fired. The boss reads it in silence for 13 seconds.

Jerry · George:Jerry's take on office sex: 'You never had sex in the office before?' / Jerry: 'No. I once made out with someone, but that's it.' / George: 'Okay. All right. So you made out.' / Jerry: 'Well, that's not sex.' / George: 'Kissing is sex.' / Jerry: 'Kissing is not sex.'

Dick · Elaine · Jerry · George:Merry Christmas! / Oh, my God, that's Dick. / Dick! / It's Cape Fear. / Hide. Hide under the desk.

Jerry · George · Elaine · Kramer:The physical comedy of hiding under the desk: 'Move over.' / 'Get off of me.' / 'I have no room.' / 'My foot's sticking out.' / 'Shut up. He's coming.'

Dick · George:Dick finds the sweater they're hiding next to — 'Is that cashmere?' — and George responds 'Of course it's cashmere' from under the desk.

Jerry · George:Final on/off wagon resolution: Jerry accidentally says 'He's finally off the wagon' (meaning sober). George: 'You mean on the wagon.' / Jerry: 'Don't get smart.'

Jerry · George:'Don't whistle on the elevator' — comparing George to Biff Loman from Death of a Salesman, 'the biggest loser in the history of American literature'

George:George's reaction: 'You're comparing me to Biff Loman? Very encouraging. The biggest loser in the history of American literature.'

Jerry · George · Elaine:'What time's the lesbian wedding?' / 'How do they work the bride and groom on that? Do they flip a coin?' / 'Yeah, they flip a coin.'

Jerry · George · Elaine · Kramer:Jerry complains about always paying for breakfast: 'What am I, made of money? You bunch of deadbeats.'

George:George spots a man pretending to be blind to get money, then mutters 'That guy's not blind'

Kramer · George:Kramer's stolen car was not only found — it was simonized and the front end was aligned

George · Kramer:'Who are you, Satan? I'm close to a job here.' — George refusing the Coney Island invitation

Conductor (V.O.) · Jerry · George · Elaine · Kramer:The conductor announcing an overwhelming list of train connections at 42nd Street, followed by silence and 'Well...' / 'See you.'

George · Woman on Subway:George, caught reading the classifieds, desperately improvises: 'Oh, no. I was just looking for the stock page.'

George:'Which market? The big one. The big market with the big board. Bull market, bear market. You name the market, I'm there.'

George:'Big brokerage houses killed my father.' / 'Well, they hurt him bad. Really hurt his feelings.'

George:George: 'I'm about more than money. I'm about... people.'

George:George, handcuffed to hotel bed, insists: 'Hey, what's another million, give or take? I get off when and where I wanna get off.'

George:George getting stuck in the subway door as it closes: 'I'm stuck. Could you just pull it a little...? Don't start the train!'

George:George in the hotel room, post-handcuff, internal monologue about 'Make yourself comfortable': 'Does she want me to take my clothes off? Is she taking her clothes off? What if I take mine off and she still has hers on? I'd look like an idiot.'

George:George handcuffed to bed tells the woman his mother walked around in her bra and panties: 'She was really disgusting, really bad body. You know, if you can imagine an uglier, fatter version of Shirley Booth.'

George:George recounts the taunts he received about his mother: 'Hey, your mother's uglier than Hazel.' / 'Hazel really puts your mother to shame.'

George:'Hey, your mother's uglier than Hazel.' / 'Hazel really puts your mother to shame.'

Woman · George:The woman reveals she's a con artist — takes George's money ($8) and his clothes: 'I wasted my whole morning on you for $8?'

George:George: 'No, no, that's my only suit! It cost me $350! I got it at Moe Ginsburg!'

George:George, naked and handcuffed, calls after the fleeing con artist: 'Will I see you again?'

George:George threatening a Hare Krishna: 'How'd you like a Hare Krishna fist down your throat, you little punk?'

Jerry · George:Jerry: 'Biff.' / George: 'What, did you whistle on the elevator?'

George:George's escalating enthusiasm about Noel: 'She's a pianist, a classical pianist! She plays the piano! She's a brilliant woman! I sat in her living room, she played the Waldstein Sonata. THE WALDSTEIN!'

George:'We did a crossword puzzle together in bed. It was the most fun I ever had in my entire life! Do you hear me? In my life!'

George · Jerry:The 'hand' bit: 'I'm very uncomfortable. I have no power. Why should she have the upper hand? For once I'd like the upper hand. I have no hand, no hand at all. She has the hand. I have no hand.'

Kramer · George:George's puzzlement about flea markets: 'You think they have fleas there, don't you?' / 'You've never been, and you think they have fleas there.' / George admits: 'All right, I think they have fleas there.'

George · Jerry · Elaine:George worrying about pianist finger warm-ups: 'How do they warm up their fingers? No, we would have heard it. You think they just crack their knuckles and come out?' / 'Don't applaud when she stops playing the first time. It's not over yet.' / 'I really resent that. That's directed at me, isn't it?'

Jerry · George:Don't applaud when she stops playing the first time. It's not over yet. I really resent that. That's directed at me, isn't it?

George:Visual gag inferred: 'Is this okay? Can I do this?' — George clearly miming/pantomiming something fidgety or inappropriate in the recital hall, seeking permission

George · Jerry:George defending Jerry: 'How could I know she'd start to laugh?' / 'What kind of a sick impulse is that?' as George and Jerry bicker about who is to blame

Jerry · George:Jerry mocks George for using the phrase 'cut to the chase': 'What are you, Joe Hollywood?' / George responds 'A lot of people say it.' / Jerry: 'I would lose that.' / George: 'What's that?' / Jerry: 'Lose that. That's not a Hollywood expression.' / 'Yes, it is.'

George · Elaine:Meeting Noel post-recital: George says 'You play a hell of a piano.' Elaine: 'Yeah, I was really moved. Really moved.'

Noel · Jerry · George:Noel asks 'Didn't you hear that person laughing?' / Jerry: 'I couldn't play. I was humiliated!' / 'I'm sure it wasn't at you.' / Jerry offers 'PEZ?' to Noel

George · Noel:George desperately tries to protect the laugher: 'Well, you know, maybe some mental defective put something stupid on her leg.' / Noel: 'Even if this so-called mental defective did put something on her leg, she's still the one who laughed.'

George · Noel:George's increasingly tortured coded communication to Elaine: 'I'm sure she would apologize if she could. Probably someone is holding her back... maybe against every fibre of her being.' / Noel: 'If she wants to continue to have a fibre of her being, she'll be very careful.'

George:George: 'Don't hit me.' in response to Noel

George · Noel:After the disastrous recital, George asks Noel 'By the way, how do you warm up your fingers before you play?' / Noel: 'I just crack my knuckles.'

George:After Noel refuses to go out, George nervously says 'I'll call you. I'll call you, and we'll talk on the phone... Have a telephone communiqué.'

George:George's nervous spiral after the exchange: 'So, fine. Everything's fine. Everything good? Good. I feel good. Fine. That's fine. That's good. Okay. Okey-doke.'

Jerry · George:'All the comedians were happy because he's one of these club owners nobody liked. But Richie was never the same.' / 'What about Kramer?' / 'He's the same.'

George:George protests hosting the intervention: 'I don't have a good apartment for an intervention. The furniture, it's very nonconfrontational.'

Kramer · George:Kramer pitches a cologne called 'The Beach': 'You spray it on, and it's just like you came home from the beach.' / George: 'I can't believe I'm saying this, but that's not a bad idea.'

George:George's phone call prep list: 'I was so nervous before I called, I made a list of things to talk about.' / List includes: 'I'm very good at going in reverse in my car. Why isn't Postum a more popular drink?'

George:George explains the 'lunch demotion': 'Lunch is fine at the beginning, then you move on to dinner. You don't go back to lunch. It's like being demoted.'

Jerry · George:George is spiraling about losing 'hand'; Jerry suggests: 'Why don't you break up with her?' / George: 'What?' / 'Break up with her. You reverse everything that way. A preemptive breakup.'

George:George's grandiose reaction to the preemptive breakup idea: 'This is an incredible idea... I've got nothing to lose. We either break up, which she would do anyway, but I go out with some dignity... or I completely turn the tables! This is absolutely brilliant!'

George · Noel:George executes the breakup: 'I am breaking up with you.' / Noel: 'You're breaking up with me?' / George: 'I... am breaking up with you.' / 'Wow.' / 'Shocked?' / 'I really am.' / 'Never expected this, did you?' / 'I thought everything was fine.'

George · Noel:Noel's simple questioning causes George's confidence to crumble: 'Didn't we have fun doing the crossword puzzle?' / George: 'Kind of.' / 'I'm very confused.' / George: 'Well, I didn't mean to hurt you, kid.'

George · Noel:George demands to know if Noel thinks about him while playing piano: 'When you're playing the piano, do you think about me?' / 'I don't know.' / 'This is what I'm talking about.' / 'Okay, I'll think about you.' / 'All the time?' / 'All the time?' / 'You know...' / 'Okay, all the time.' / 'I can't hear you.' / 'All the time!'

George:Noel shows up at the intervention apartment — George runs into her. George: 'A man without hand is not a man. I've got so much hand, I'm coming out of my gloves.'

George:Even if I were dragged through manure, I still wouldn't put that stuff on. This man is a genius! A genius!

Noel · George:Noel to George: 'You lied to me, George. You lied to me!' / George: 'No, I... What did I do?'

Noel · George:Noel to George: 'I am breaking up with you.' / George: 'You can't break up with me. I've got hand!' / Noel: 'And you're gonna need it.'

George · Noel · Richie:Immediate pivot to the intervention: 'Noel! / Hey, Richie! / Hey, Richie. / So, what's going on?'

George:George complains about fasting three days for an ulcer test: 'How could I possibly have ulcers? Who could have given me ulcers?'

Kramer · George · Jerry:Kramer refuses to take out George's garbage without payment: 'Give me 2 bucks. I'll do it for 2 bucks.' / Jerry offers 50 cents / 'There's no way I'd touch that bag for less than $2.'

Jerry · George:Jerry and George staring at Gina after she leaves — 'Boy, she's sexy, isn't she?' / 'Yeah.' — followed by a long pause [03:12-03:29]

George · Jerry:George recounts dreaming about his neighbor: 'He was doing standup comedy in Kennebunkport, Maine, in this really ominous nightclub. The stage was on a cliff and the audience was throwing all the comics off.' / Jerry: 'I think I've played there.'

George · Jerry:George claims he 'knew he was going to be bald' as a paranormal experience. Jerry: 'Your father's bald.' George: 'Baldness is inherited from the mother's side, Jerry.' Jerry: 'But your mother's bald too.'

Kramer · Elaine · George:Elaine suggests visiting a psychic; Kramer dismisses with: 'Psychics, vacations. How about getting a job?'

Jerry · George:George wonders what Gandhi ate before a fast; Jerry deadpans: 'I heard he used to polish off a box of Triscuits.' / George: 'Really?' / Jerry: 'Oh, yeah. Gandhi loved Triscuits.'

Faith · Jerry · George:Faith the psychic declares: 'Martin's spirit came to you as a warning.' / Jerry: 'Why would he come to George?' / Faith: 'Because George has heightened extrasensory perception.'

George · Faith:George learns Drake's Coffee Cake is in front of him at the psychic's: 'Did you buy this for me?' / Faith: 'No, why?' / George: 'Because I love Drake's Coffee Cake.' / Faith: 'Maybe I did.' / George: 'Take it away.'

George · Faith:George: 'My brother once impregnated a woman named Pauline.' / Faith: 'You think about her?' / George: 'When I hear her name.'

Faith · George:Audrey with the nose job: Faith sees 'a woman named Audrey, but with a small nose.' George: 'Yes, yes. She had a nose job. I loved her very deeply. Will she ever speak to me again?' Faith: 'Not in this life.'

George:George yells at the departing Faith: 'A plane crash?! A heart attack?! Lupus? Is it lupus? If you don't say anything, I'll assume it's a plane crash. Get out. Not a plane crash. Is it a plane crash?'

George · Psychic:After being thrown out, George continues: 'If you don't say anything, I'll assume it's a plane crash.' Psychic: 'Get out.' George: 'Not a plane crash.' George: 'Is it a plane crash?'

George · Elaine:George to Elaine/Jerry: 'If I'm ever in a coma, in the first 24 hours, get everything out of my place and put it in storage. / How come? / Looters.'

Jerry · George:Jerry tells George: 'If I'm ever in a coma, in the first 24 hours, get everything out of my place and put it in storage.' George: 'How come?' Jerry: 'Looters.'

Jerry · Elaine · George:Discussion of dog food quality testing: 'How do we know the dog food's any good? Who tastes it?' Elaine: 'She is really hungry.' [referring to the starving woman nearby]

Jerry · George:Drake's Coffee Cake appears in the hospital room scene — Jerry brings one and George stares at it with barely contained desire while fasting.

Jerry · George:Jerry on the Drake's Coffee Cake: 'That's the full-size.' / 'That's your big boy.'

Newman · Jerry · George:Newman negotiates silence in exchange for a bite of Drake's Coffee Cake. The framing of swearing on his mother's life to secure the deal.

George:George's hunger fantasy: 'Mountains of duck. And not fatty duck either, but juicy, tender breasts of duck. Beautifully sliced....'

George · Psychic:George desperately asks about his trip fate while the psychic is focused on the woman in labor: 'Yeah, because...? Because...?' Psychic shouts: 'Assassins! How dare they keep a person waiting like this!'

Elaine · George · Jerry:Elaine tries to eat George's Drake's Coffee Cake in the hospital chaos; Jerry: 'Elaine, no! No!' / George: 'Give me that!'

George:George in the hospital, still fixated on the warning: 'Are there terrorists on the plane? A hotel fire, is that it? Typhus? Malaria? Yellow fever? Lupus? Is it lupus?'

Kramer · Jerry · George · Elaine:Martin and Gina have moved in together after the coma. Kramer reads the housewarming invitation as George, Jerry, and Elaine all react.

George · Jerry:George despairs about meeting women; Jerry replies 'Yeah, maybe you won't.'

George:George mid-crisis: 'Are my nostrils getting bigger?'

George · Jerry:George interrogates Jerry about Cynthia's looks: 'How good-looking?' / 'Very good-looking.' / 'Really good-looking?' / 'Really very good-looking.' / 'Would you take her out?' / 'Yes, I would.' / 'You hesitated.'

George · Jerry:'What about the body?' / 'Good body. Nice body.' / 'How nice?' / 'Nice. Pretty nice.' / 'Really good?' / 'Really very nice and good.'

George · Jerry:'I don't want anyone smarter than me.' / 'How could she be smarter than you?'

George:George's talking-head: 'We had an incredible phone conversation. We talked for, like, 20 minutes. I threw away my notes in the middle of the call.'

George · Jerry:'I thought she had a great voice timbre. Is it timbre or tambre?' / 'I think it's tambre.' / 'Why'd I think timbre?'

George:'I am unbelievable on the phone. On the date, they should just have two phones on the table at the restaurant.'

Jerry · George:Jerry and George both promise 'full disclosure' about their dates — then both lie to each other immediately.

George · Jerry:'We had sex.' / 'Oh my God, you had sex?' / 'How did that happen?' / 'I don't know. I closed my eyes and made a move.'

George · Jerry:George: 'We had sex.' / Jerry: 'Oh my God, you had sex?' / George: 'I don't know. I closed my eyes and made a move.'

Jerry · George · Elaine · Cynthia:The parallel phone call scene: both Jerry and George ask 'Anything else?' / 'No.' back and forth, both lying about knowing they had sex.

George:'I left three messages. I can't believe this woman. We have sex, she leaves 10 minutes later, then I never hear from her again. What kind of a person does this? She used me. I feel cheap and violated.'

George · Jerry:'Wham, bam, thank you, ma'am.' / ''Sir.' Whatever.'

George:George on his gallantry during the date: 'I made great small talk with the waitress so she could see I could relate to the commoners. I'm a man of the people.'

George:George reads the condom package: 'It says TWIST-OFF. Twist off! Twist! Off!'

George:George finds out Cynthia might be pregnant: 'Oh, my God! I can't believe it. I'm a father! I did it! My boys can swim! I can do it! I can do it! I'm a father!'

George · Cynthia · Jerry:'What happened?' / 'Acting.' / 'Very mature.' / 'Thank you.'

Cynthia · George:Cynthia: 'Very mature.' / George: 'Thank you.'

George:'Is that salt on this? Is there salt on this?' asked about the appetizers with seeming alarm.

George:'Why do we do it? Why? You thought they'd have a good time... and little power trips for you, isn't it? Now you're playing God.'

George:'Of course, God was the first person to fix people up. He fixed up Adam and Eve. I'm sure he said to Adam, No, she's nice. She's-- Yes, she's very free about her body. Doesn't really wear much. She was going out with a snake. I think that's over, though.'

Jerry · Kramer · George:Kramer confirms Jerry is a chucker: 'Oh, you're a chucker.' / Jerry: 'My God, I'm a chucker.'

Jerry · George:'All these years, you never told me?' / 'It's not an easy thing to bring up.'

Jerry · George · Kramer:The locker room 'sneak a peek' exchange: 'Did you sneak a peek?' / 'Yeah, I snuck a peek.' / 'Why?' / 'Why not?'

Jerry · George:Jerry spots Keith Hernandez stretching in the locker room and mutters 'Does he have to stretch in here?' — visual reaction beat

Jerry · George:That's Keith Hernandez. / Keith Hernandez, the baseball player? / Yeah, that's him. / Are you sure? / Positive. / Wow! Keith Hernandez!

Jerry · George:'What do you have to do to become a buff?' / 'So Biff wants to be a buff? Well, sleeping less than 18 hours a day would be a start.'

Jerry · George:Jerry vs. George debate over whether to say hello to Keith Hernandez: 'He's Keith Hernandez. You're Jerry Seinfeld.'

George:George: 'The guy was in game six, two runs down, two outs, facing elimination!'

George:George mutters 'It's only a matter of time' about a baseball team plane crash, then asks 'Who's this chucker?' about Jerry exchanging numbers with Keith

George · Mrs. Sokol:George at the unemployment office invents 'Vandalay Industries' — a latex manufacturing company — and claims he nearly got hired there

George:You know what I've discovered, Mrs. Sokol? It's not so much the looking... as the listening. I listen for work. As I'm looking... and listening-- I'm also looking. You cannot discount looking. It's a combination. It's looking. And listening. Listening. And looking. But you must look.

George:George deflects from giving Vandalay's address by offering: 'You like gum? I have a friend in the gum business. I got a gum guy!'

George · Mrs. Sokol:George offers 'Jose Jimenez' as a comic reference when pushed for the address, saying 'Very funny. Really, he's very funny.' to Mrs. Sokol who has no idea who that is

George · Mrs. Sokol:George gives Jerry's home address as Vandalay Industries' address, and a very specific phone number, then panics: 'Are you planning on calling them soon? Because they have very strange hours.'

George:George rushes out of the unemployment office: 'He'll call you back!'

Jerry · George · Kramer:Jerry: 'Can't they just send us a tape?' / 'Maybe if you wait a few months, it won't be a baby anymore.'

George · Jerry:George bursts in: 'Did anybody call asking for Vandalay Industries?!' and immediately has to explain the entire fraud to Jerry

Jerry · George:Jerry refuses to pretend to be Vandalay Industries: 'What do I do with latex?' / 'You manufacture it!' / 'Right here in this little apartment?'

George:George evaluates Keith's handshake: 'Good shake. Perfect shake. Single pump, not too hard. Didn't have to prove anything, but firm enough to know he was there.'

George:George suddenly: 'Any Hennigan's around here?'

Jerry · George:Jerry is off the hook with Keith (call rescheduled) so invites George to do something Friday: 'Want to come see the baby?'

George:After the Vandalay disaster, George turns to Jerry: 'How did you know who they wanted?!'

George · Mrs. Sokol:George sees a photo of Mrs. Sokol's daughter and is instantly, absurdly smitten: 'My God! I hope you don't mind my saying, she is breathtaking.'

George:You like baseball? / That was autographed by the '86 Mets. / I saw every inning that year. / It's funny, because I happen to be very good friends with Keith Hernandez.

George:George: 'Would you take this picture away from me? Just take it away. Get it out of here. Take it away, and put it away.'

George · Mrs. Sokol:Mrs. Sokol offers George the daughter's phone number — George's disbelief: 'Mrs. Sokol, I don't know what to say... Who do you think you're talking to? You trying to make a joke?'

George:George visits the baby — his reaction on seeing it: 'Lyndon Johnson.'

George:George visits the baby and immediately says: 'Lyndon Johnson.' / 'What? Lyndon Johnson?' / 'He's joking.' / 'No, I'm not joking. She looks like Lyndon Johnson.'

George · Carrie:George at dinner with Carrie: 'I haven't had a Big Mac in a long time.' / 'Billions and billions.'

George · Carrie:Carrie asks George in: he says he 'can't' because he has an 'appointment with a hardware store' on Saturday — 'I'm not saying I want to do it for the rest of my life, but hardware fascinates me. Wouldn't you love to make a key?'

Carrie · George:Carrie tells George 'You kill me. You really kill me.' — affectionately, then immediately dumps him next scene

George · Jerry:After the kiss, George asks Jerry: 'Did you two have... [meaningful pause] ...milk?' / Jerry: 'No.' / George: 'Cookies?'

Jerry · George:Jerry and George discuss the significance of being asked to help someone move: 'That's a big step in a male relationship. The biggest. That's like going all the way.'

George · Carrie:George: 'I went to the hardware store interview.' / Carrie: 'You think I'm going to spend my life with somebody because he can get me a deal on a box of nails?'

George · Carrie:George: 'I thought we were a team.' / Carrie: 'If I ever need a drill bit, I'll call you.'

George:George: 'Carrie, could you do me a favor? Could you not mention this to your mother?'

Jerry · George:She likes him. I mean, she really likes him. / How do you know? / Who wouldn't like him? I like him, and I'm a guy. / I suppose he's an attractive man. / Forget that. He's a ballplayer. MVP, 1979. I'm making wisecracks in some nightclub. This guy was in game six.

Jerry · George:Jerry: 'I know this sounds arrogant, but I never thought she'd find someone she liked better than me... I guess I had my chance. And that's that. You know what I'd like to do? I'd really like to have sex with a tall woman. Like a giant. Like 6'5''.'

George · Jerry:George: 'What was the tallest woman you ever slept with?' / Jerry: 'I don't know, 6'3''.' / George: 'Wow! God! See, this is all I think about: sleeping with a giant. It's my life's ambition.'

Jerry · George:George: 'Magellan? You like Magellan?' / Jerry: 'My favorite explorer. Around the world. Come on.' / George: 'Who do you like?' / Jerry: 'De Soto.' / George: 'What did he do?' / Jerry: 'Discovered the Mississippi.' / George: 'Oh, like they wouldn't have found that anyway.'

Jerry · George:Jerry: 'I like de Soto.' / George: 'De Soto? What did he do?' / Jerry: 'Discovered the Mississippi.' / George: 'Oh, like they wouldn't have found that anyway.'

Jerry · George:Jerry desperately chases Keith from his window: 'Keith! Keith! Up here! Could you do me a favor? I need you to come to the unemployment office with me! I'm Jerry's friend! I'm the chucker!'

George:What do you need him for? / Keith! Keith! Up here! / Look, could you do me a favor? I need you to go to the unemployment office with me! I'm Jerry's friend! The guy from the locker room! I'm the chucker! It'll take five minutes! Wait! Wait!

George · Jerry:George's car broke down violently on the Belt Parkway — 'like it's having a nervous breakdown'

Jerry · George:Jerry: "So you have no car." George: "No." Jerry: "So, what good are you?"

George · Jerry:George reasons the chauffeur doesn't know O'Brien because if he did, he wouldn't have a sign