The Mom &Amp; Pop Store

Jerry:Car names are so stupid, aren't they?

Jerry:No baron has ever owned a LeBaron.

Jerry:The Ford LTD stands for Limited

Other:Yes, it's limited to the number we can sell

Jerry:Oh, integrity? No, Integra

Kramer:I hope it's not a 'lemona.' Or you'll be hearing from my 'lawya.'

George:I got a LeBaron convertible right here

George:N.I., not interested

George:Jon Voight? The actor? He lived here?

George:I'm not interested. But wait, what kind of stuff did he leave behind?

Jerry:Away from the gums

George:What consumer? I'm the consumer

Jerry:Runaway Train... runaway train

Kramer:I like coffee. I like cookies. You're a bunch of yuppies with 'go, go' corporate-takeover lifestyles

Jerry:If my mom and pop ran a store, I wouldn't shop there.

Jerry:I really don't wear the kind of shoes that have to be cobbled

Kramer:He's got a Peter Pan complex

Pop:In 48 years we've never called an electrician

Jerry:Have you gotten all the salt off those pretzels yet?

Elaine:I'm working on it! This is taking forever.

Mr. Pitt:The Thanksgiving Day Parade was first on the list of forbidden common activities

Mr. Pitt:You know that song? That's incredible! Do you know how many people know that song? Three! There are only three people in the world who know that song, and now I know two of them!

George:If he said Liam Neeson, you'd know he's making it up

George:If you can play Joe Buck, Oskar Schindler's a cakewalk

George:Liam Neeson? He's not even American!

George:I'm a midnight cowboy... I'm a midnight cowboy... Jon Voight, Jon Voight...

Jerry:Kramer, where are all my sneakers? They're gone. All of them.

Kramer:Oh, obviously there was a miscommunication.

Jerry:A miscommunication? What miscommunication? You took my sneakers!

Kramer:I thought you said you were done with them.

Jerry:Payment in boots from a Dallas comedy club

Kramer:Hey, you look like a cowboy!

Jerry:I'm not a cowboy. I'm a man wearing cowboy boots. There's a difference.

Kramer:What's the difference?

Jerry:A cowboy is a lifestyle. These are just... shoes. Uncomfortable shoes that I'm returning tomorrow.

Jerry:That's the genius of it - using George's earlier phrase sarcastically

Pop:This is all because of that nosebleed! Forty-eight years we've been in this store, and one nosebleed and we're shut down!

Kramer:Well, I didn't do it on purpose.

Kramer:You know what? There's a fire extinguisher in the hallway that hasn't been inspected since 1987.

George:This is Jon Voight's pencil.

Jerry:Wait a minute. The owner's manual says 'Jon.' J-O-N.

Jerry:But your name is 'John.' J-O-H-N.

Jerry:Your name is spelled wrong.

George:No it's not.

Jerry:Yes it is. It's Costanza.

George:No, a lot of people spell their names wrong. That's very common.

Jerry:Oh really?

George:Yeah, like, uh... like my friend Jeff? He spells it G-E-O-F-F.

Jerry:Oh, look, there's Madonna's car. And that's Prince's limo over there. Oh, and isn't that Cher getting out of that Mercedes?

Street Thug 1:Hey, look at this guy!

Street Thug 2:What's with the cowboy boots?

Street Thug 1:You think you're funny or something?

Street Thug 2:Yeah, we don't appreciate that around here.

Jerry:J-O-N is a lot zippier.

George:You know, I was thinking about Jon Voight's name. How would you even find out how to pronounce it? You'd have to ask somebody. 'Hey, how do you say this guy's name?' And they'd say, 'It's Voight.' And you'd say, 'No, I know it's Voight, but how do you SAY it?' I mean, what if you had to dispose of Jon Voight? Would you need a Jon Voight disposal?

Jerry:So Tim says, 'I don't know if I can make it.' Now, what does that mean?

Jerry:I mean, 'I don't know if I can make it' - does that mean he's not coming? Or does it mean he might come?

Jerry:Because if he said, 'I don't KNOW if I can make it' - with the emphasis on 'know' - that's different than 'I don't know IF I can make it' - emphasis on 'if.'

Jerry:One means he's uncertain. The other means he's physically unable to attend.

Jerry:But what if he said, 'I don't know if I CAN make it'? Emphasis on 'can'? That means he has the desire, but maybe not the capability.

Jerry:So where do you think I should put the emphasis?

Elaine:I don't know, somewhere in the middle?

Kramer:They're not real. They're not a real mom-and-pop operation.

Kramer:It's a front. They're using the mom-and-pop identity to move shoes.

Kramer:Think about it. When's the last time you saw them? They vanish without a trace. Classic mob move.

Kramer:They're all in on it, Jerry. The whole thing. It goes all the way to the top.

Jerry:What are you talking about?

Kramer:The sneakers, Jerry. My sneakers from 1976. Someone took them, and they've been keeping it quiet for 48 years.

Jerry:Kramer, that's insane.

Kramer:Is it? Is it really? Because I've been doing the math, and it all adds up to one thing: the greatest sneaker heist in history.

Kramer:Yeah, well, we're gonna get 'em.

Elaine:He's intoxicated by Woody's laugh

George:Jon Voight Day? They rejected Jon Voight Day? What is wrong with these people? I get them one thing - one measly thing - and they can't even do that right. You know who would have appreciated Jon Voight Day? Liam Neeson. That's who. Liam Neeson would have been all over Jon Voight Day.

George:Jon Voight! Jon Voight! Hey, Jon Voight!

George:Wait, wait, wait. That's not Jon Voight.

Jerry:George, you're always the unwelcome one.

Kramer:Look at this, look at this.

Jerry:What happened to your arm?

Kramer:I got bit.

Jerry:You got bit? By what?

Kramer:A woman.

Jerry:A woman bit you? What are you, a vampire?

Jerry:So let me get this straight. You're going to walk up to Jon Voight, show him a picture of Jon Voight, and prove that you're Jon Voight?

Jerry:Does anybody here know a good dentist? I'm in terrible pain.

Party Guest:Why don't you just call your dentist?

Jerry:I can't! He's out of town. I need someone now!

Party Guest:Well, I don't know any dentists here.

Jerry:Nobody knows a dentist? What kind of party is this?

Mr. Pitt:You got a problem with Woody Woodpecker?

Elaine:No, I don't have a problem with Woody Woodpecker.

Mr. Pitt:Because Woody Woodpecker is a troublemaker. He's always causing problems, destroying property, annoying people. That's not funny, that's criminal behavior.

Elaine:What? WHAT?

Jerry:Elaine, the music isn't even that loud.

Elaine:I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

Kramer:She's deaf!

Elaine:WHAT DID YOU SAY?

Kramer:Jerry! What are you doing here?

Jerry:I came to the party.

Kramer:Well you gotta leave. I don't know this guy.

Tim:Hey Jerry!

Jerry:Hey! Did you hear the way you said that? 'Hey Jerry' — you put the emphasis on the 'Hey.' That's a very confident 'Hey.' Most people would do 'Hey Jerry' with the emphasis on Jerry, but you — you're confident in your greeting itself.

George:Wait, wait, wait. You can't just handle it like that. This is evidence. We need to preserve it. Put it in a bag. A plastic bag. Do we have an evidence bag? We need to document the chain of custody here.

Tim:It's a pencil.

George:I know it's a pencil! That's exactly why we need to be careful. Do you know what could happen if this gets contaminated? The whole case falls apart. FALLS APART!

Tim:So you know Jon Voight?

Tim:The periodontist, not the actor

Jerry:Wait, what are you doing with that balloon?

Party Guest:I'm just holding it while I look at your teeth.

Jerry:Well be careful, I don't want—

Party Guest:Relax, I know what I'm doing.

Party Guest:*accidentally pops balloon with dental instrument*

Jerry:Oh, come on!

Party Guest:You're like Woody Woodpecker!

TV Announcer:It's not a toy, it's a highly sophisticated piece of scientific equipment.

Child:But why is Woody all deflated?

TV Announcer:Well, one of the big kids must have sat on him.

Frank Costanza:I'm fine! I'm fine! It's just a little blood.

Estelle Costanza:Frank, you're bleeding all over the carpet!

Frank Costanza:So what? A little blood never hurt anybody. I've had worse nosebleeds than this.

Estelle Costanza:We're calling an ambulance!

Frank Costanza:No ambulance! No doctors! I don't need anybody!

Jerry:Marching bands make bad things difficult

Jerry:Why does the band have to march? The band following escaping audience members.

Jerry:You ever notice how people always need to get somewhere? We start with cars, then we get bikes, then skateboards, then roller skates, then shoes, then we're just crawling. Eventually we're like little ants marching across the kitchen floor.

Jerry:There's this weird urge you get to wave at people you don't know. Like at a window, or on the street. You see someone and you just want to wave.

Jerry:But here's the thing - they're already leaving! You're waving goodbye to someone you've never even said hello to. It's insane.

Jerry:You're basically saying, 'Hey, nice knowing you for these two seconds! Safe travels, stranger!'

George:'The pencil. Get the pencil out of your mouth! You're destroying Jon Voight's teeth marks.'

Elaine · Mr. Pitt:Elaine accidentally pops the Woody Woodpecker balloon with the security pin from Mr. Pitt's ID pass.

Mr. Pitt:Pitt on the deflating Woody: 'Hey, who invited you anyway? You're a troublemaker.' — consistent with his earlier characterization of Woody as an 'instigator.'

news anchor:News anchor describes the deflating Woody Woodpecker: 'Those kids look pretty disappointed. Especially that big kid up in the front. How old is he?'

Jerry · stranger:A stranger calls Jerry to say an old couple sold him Jerry Seinfeld the comedian's used sneakers at a garage sale in Parsippany, New Jersey.

Pop · Kramer:Pop is having nosebleeds again. 'Maybe we should get you to a hospital.' Pop: 'I ain't going to no Bellevue.' — as he is visibly falling apart.

Jerry:Stand-up closing: 'The marching band is a perfect example of taking something bad and making it difficult too.'

Jerry:'Why does the band have to march? We're not moving. Maybe if they hold still, we could all leave.'

Jerry:Jerry on the marching band as crowd control: 'Is that why they do it? People try and get away. "No, you don't. I'm right with you. Right with you, buddy."'

Jerry:Jerry on the bittersweet parade wave: 'I've never seen these people before in my life and they're leaving.'