Sleep No More

Ilana:Hypothetical compost vessel for 'our doodie' as a roommate screening question

Yamaneika:Prospective roommate Yamaneika answers 'Sure!' to the compost poop vessel question immediately, without hesitation

Ilana:Ilana asks if the roommate will sit on the toilet and talk to her while she showers — 'Not in the shower, just, like, sit on the toilet and talk to me'

Ilana:Final roommate interview question: 'What is your stance on the Olsen twins?'

Ilana · Yamaneika:Extended Olsen twins riff: 'part of it is like I feel sorry for them... but they also billionaires, so I hate them'

Yamaneika:'Why would you have Uncle Jesse picking them up, kissing them to get women? What woman sees that as a turn-on?'

Yamaneika:'Child, that whole set is about to be Bill Cosby. Okay? MeToo moments every damn where.'

Ilana:After passing every test, Yamaneika is told she's a 'backup offer' — Ilana still has one more 'brown-eyed, goy-nosed, fat-assed, beautiful candidate' to explore

Yamaneika · Ilana:'Well, girl, you've literally just described me.' / 'Well, it looks like I have a type.'

Yamaneika:'Can you make it 23? 'Cause I really love this place.'

Abbi:Abbi in a talking head: 'That's never happened before.' — after the roses reveal

Bobbi:Bobbi's video call strategy to break bad news to Ilana: they took her to see Savion Glover ('King of tap') and snuck in a backpack of sour cherry straws — and she still tried to declare legal emancipation

Bobbi:Bobbi reveals Eliot told her he's having an affair with a married man — 'He's a homewrecker, Abbi!' — after promising to keep the secret for 12 hours

Abbi · Ilana:Abbi and Ilana both show up with a dozen roses for each other simultaneously

Ilana:Ilana: 'Can you believe we are so psychically linked? No, and... and, luckily, nothing... you know, no space or time or distance or anything... would ever change that or take that away. Not even death.'

Abbi:'God, I love living in New York City. You just... You can't beat it. You get to be physically near the cutting edge of art and culture and then, just a mere decade later, actually afford to experience it.'

Ilana:Ooh! Shakespeare. I love Shakespeare, all his stuff.

Ilana:'God, Shakespeare was fucking cool, 'cause he was bisexual as hell, dawg.'

Ilana:'Also, you see visible vulva and penis in this show.'

Ilana:'Beesh, I hear deesh' — Ilana's response to Abbi's earnest growth speech

Ilana:Beesh, I hear deesh, 'cause I believe in us growing together, no matter what form that may take.

Ilana:'Is there a particular penis-and-vulva viewing room? I was told there would be visible vulva.'

Staff Member:Staff member's ominous orientation speech: 'Things aren't always as they seem here. Trust no one.'

Ilana · Abbi:Ilana and Abbi exchanging 'I trust you' declarations — but each time someone says it, it's addressed to someone else (an actor, a stranger) not the person speaking to them

Ilana:Ilana assumes a crop-dusting fart is 'a brilliant theatrical choice' — then 'it was me'

Ilana · Abbi:Yeah, someone must have crop-dusted us all, huh? Brilliant theatrical choice! / It was me.

Ilana:'I want to be either really scared or really horny' — Ilana's binary for what makes a good experience

Ilana:I'm just like, 'Where are the chills and/or thrills?' You know, I want to be either really scared or really horny.

Abbi · Ilana:Oh, my God! I don't want to go on! / Yeah, it's working. / It's working.

Ilana:Ilana's roommate proposal in the candy room: escalates from 'covering rent' to 'knowing what each other's orgasms sound like instead of merely fantasizing about it'

Ilana:Ilana's rapid self-soothing after the roommate rejection: 'Never happened. I acknowledged the swing-size. I secured a backup offer. She's very fucking cool. It's chill. It's chill. It's cool.'

Ilana:Abbi Gary Anna Abrams... will you be my roommate?

Abbi · Ilana:[Long pause. Ilana reads Abbi's face. Abbi says nothing. Ilana starts backpedaling before Abbi speaks.]

Ilana:Don't even worry about it. Never happened. Uh, I... I-I get it. I acknowledged the swing-size, and I even secured a backup offer. She's very fucking cool, so it's... it's chill. It's... It's chill. I really... It's cool.

Abbi:Abbi knows the exact flight path and price to Boulder — O'Hare layover, Pittsburgh connection, $42 — 'I had never looked up how to fly to Boulder'

Ilana:O'Hare?! I don't know what that is! Is that Gaelic?! This is a little... Google, what is Boulder?! Jesus! / No! / God.

Ilana:Ilana: 'Well, I guess you've been stuck with me for awhile, but not anymore.'

Ilana:Ilana storms off — and walks directly into a Sleep No More 'vulva scene' / nude actor moment

Ilana:'You have ruined the best part of this interactive production for me. Not now.'

Ilana · Abbi:'I didn't even get to get off during the orgy scene.' / 'Get off? In the... In the room?' / 'People do. It's really dark.'

Ilana:Yeah, but I picked a school in New York. I factored you in. I always factor you in.

Ilana:You told my mom?! That is so violating to me.

Abbi · Ilana:The prosciutto-wrapped dates rat infestation tangent during an emotional conversation

Abbi:'For the past eight years, I have cleaned out hundreds of people's pubes out of toilet bowls. So many strangers have thrown up on me.'

Ilana:'You do get thrown up on an exorbitant amount.'

Ilana · Abbi:Ilana's lengthy, generous, emotionally mature acceptance speech — followed by Abbi: 'So the program starts in two weeks'

Ilana:Ilana's reaction to 'two weeks': 'What... are... you talking about?! Don't leave! We've had YEARS together, bitch! You crazy fucking bitch!'

Abbi:'So, uh, what do you want to do now?' — Abbi immediately after Ilana's meltdown

Ilana:Ilana is 'not that hungry' — a character who is always hungry and enthusiastic about food cannot eat because she's sad

Abbi · Ilana:Ilana: 'Are you not... you're not into it?' / Abbi: 'I'm just not that hungry.'

Abbi · Ilana:Listen, Ilana, you're gonna become, like, this badass therapist who teaches people to grow the way you helped me grow. I mean, you're gonna teach them how to feel their feelings and how to do sex the right way. / There's no right way. / See? This is what I'm talking about.

Ilana:Ilana requests 'more of your hair. I want a long-ass tail for sniffing.' — and she shapes phone wigs when the train gets stuck between stations

Ilana:I-I shape my phone wigs when the train gets stuck between stations.

Ilana · Yamaneika:Yamaneika gets the apartment — 'you can move in straight up tomorrow.' Then she immediately reveals she has two Great Danes named Beyoncé and Jay-Z.

Yamaneika:'Okay, Beyoncé, Jay-Z, let's go, come on, come on. Come with Mama.'

Abbi:Abbi's entire buildup before showing Ilana her poop on the phone — 'you have asked me this hundreds of times, literally, since the moment I met you'

Ilana:Ilana's reaction to seeing Abbi's poop on FaceTime: 'Queen! You must be an Ashkenazi Jew 'cause you are lactose in-toler-ant! No way could that have been all in your stomach at one time! It was definitely exiting your esophagus as it was entering your small intestine.'

Abbi · Ilana:♪ My poop ♪ / ♪ My poop, my poop ♪ / ♪ My poop ♪ / You sound good. / Thanks. / I-I did it a few times before I called you.

Abbi:♪ My poop / My poop, my poop / My poop ♪

Abbi:'I did it a few times before I called you.'

Ilana · Abbi:Ilana: 'Can I see it one more time?' — Abbi: 'Okay, one more time. And then I really have to flush, 'cause I, like, can't breathe in here anymore.'

Ilana · Abbi:Ilana takes a screenshot of the poop — 'Ilana, no screenshots. Delete that. That's not fair.'

Ilana:Ilana immediately yells 'Yamaneika! Come here!' to show her the screenshot

Ilana · Abbi:Yamaneika! Come here! / Ilana, say something! For crying out loud, dude! / Talk to me!

Abbi:Post-credits scene: Ilana does the fake-out confessional 'Ilana, I need to talk to you about something. I got accepted into an artists' residency program in Boulder, Colorado.' then panics when Ilana doesn't respond: 'Ilana, say something! For crying out loud, dude! Talk to me!'