World Series of Dice

Lil' Jon · Doctor:The doctor's exam reveals only ONE thing hurts Lil' Jon — 'Yeah!' — the setup being a normal pain assessment

Lil' Jon · Doctor:Lil' Jon repeatedly responds to 'Proof of insurance?' with 'What?!' and 'Huh?!' in an escalating exchange

Lil' Jon:Lil' Jon calmly and articulately asks the doctor to define 'drugs' — 'That depends, doctor. What do you define as drugs?'

Lil' Jon · Doctor:Doctor scribbling notes while saying 'Nothing' repeatedly as Lil' Jon keeps asking 'What?!'

Dave Chappelle:Dave announces he has quit smoking weed — 'No, I'm serious this time, man' — to audience laughter

PSA Stoners:Anti-drug PSA parody: stoners argue about a cheeseburger for a prolonged period while one of them is holding it the whole time

PSA Stoners:PSA parody escalates to characters running over a kid and planning to 'chop her body up and stuff it down the drain'

Dave Chappelle:Dave, post-PSA sketch: 'I just love the fact that I have a show where we can run over a kid and everyone just busts out laughing. Only this show.'

Paul Mooney · Co-host:Paul Mooney calls his co-host 'on crack' for having seen Gone With the Wind 13 times

Paul Mooney:Mooney reframes Scarlett O'Hara as 'a ho' and declares Mammy the true hero of Gone With the Wind

Paul Mooney:'Mammy told the white people, get off my porch, white trash!' — Mooney claims this is his favorite scene

Paul Mooney:Mooney claims Hattie McDaniel couldn't attend the Gone With the Wind premiere, then says 'She came back as Oprah Winfrey to get her money'

Paul Mooney:Mooney reviews Barbershop, then adds: 'It's really just a front. They really sell drugs out of barbershops.'

Paul Mooney:Mooney's escalating outrage at Hollywood casting: 'The Mexican' with Brad Pitt, 'The Last Samurai' with Tom Cruise — 'Hollywood is crazy'

Paul Mooney:'I've written a film. Maybe they'll produce my film: The Last Nigger On Earth, starring Tom Hanks.'

Dave Chappelle:Dave introduces the World Series of Dice concept by first noting that poker is now a TV sport: 'I didn't even know poker was a sport'

Rob (Announcer) · Bill (Announcer):Announcer setting up the World Series of Dice: 'Why are we here? To buy weed? Not this time, Bill.'

Phyuck Yiu:Phyuck Yiu's entrance line: 'Konichiwa, bitches!'

Leonard Washington:Leonard Washington's introduction: 'My name's Leonard Washington. Where I'm from? A little town called none of your goddamned business.'

Rob (Announcer) · Ashy Larry:The announcer asks 'Why do they call him Ashy Larry?' — then cuts to a visual of his extremely ashy skin

Bill (Announcer):'That man is drier than Kunta Kinte's ankle' — announcer's color commentary on Ashy Larry

Ashy Larry:Ashy Larry: 'I stole this money outta my girl's purse. She think I'm out emptying the trash.'

Grits n' Gravy:Grits n' Gravy to Ashy Larry: 'What you need is some chapstick and a set of trousers.'

Ashy Larry:Ashy Larry: 'All right, but I'm about to go from ashy to classy.'

Ashy Larry · Kiesha:Ashy Larry's girlfriend Kiesha immediately appears: 'Larry, what the fuck are you doing? / That better not be the money out of my goddamned purse!'

Grits n' Gravy:Grits n' Gravy was asked what he did with his million-dollar casino winnings: 'I bought my momma a car and I spent the rest on PCP.'

Rob (Announcer):Announcer reaction to the PCP revelation: 'Okay, simple enough. I like his style. Loves his mother. Loves PCP.'

Bill (Announcer):Leonard and Grits n' Gravy staredown — announcer notes 'Look at the flaring nostrils. Makes me want to throw up.'

Grits n' Gravy:Grits n' Gravy, after losing: 'And when I leave, come together like butt cheeks.'

Leonard Washington:Leonard Washington suddenly announces a robbery: 'I want everybody in here to get butt-ass naked!'

Bill (Announcer):Announcer: 'Dice games get robbed. It happens all the time. They very rarely come to a reasonable end.'

Bill (Announcer):'TV is no different.' — The announcer's aside after saying dice games rarely end reasonably

Leonard Washington · Quills:Leonard Washington refuses to undress for the robber: 'I'm Leonard Washington. I don't get butt-naked for nobody. You want this robe, nigga, you gonna have to shoot me.'

Quills · Leonard Washington:Quills immediately shoots Leonard in the leg

Rob (Announcer):Announcer: 'You'll notice he shot him below the waist, so it's not attempted murder. That was very intelligent on Quills' part. Quills knows the law.'

Unidentified spectator:'This is why black people don't have nothin'... this is just what they want us to do.'

Ashy Larry:Ashy Larry returns during the robbery asking 'Where the dice? Where the dice?' — unaware of the robbery

Quills:Robber Quills to Ashy Larry: 'Go upstairs and put on some lotion, right now!'

Ashy Larry:Ashy Larry: 'Something told me just to empty the trash.'

Bill (Announcer):Announcer Bill: 'I put my car keys up my ass' as his robbery-prevention strategy

Rob (Announcer) · Quills:Rob attempts to sign off professionally mid-robbery: 'So, on behalf of Bill Burr and Quills, I'm Robert Pet—' — gets interrupted when the robber demands his ring

Rob (Announcer):End card: 'Hopefully, next year, we'll be able to get all the way through it, but probably not.'

Dave Chappelle:Dave's intro to 'When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong': 'It's good to be real sometimes; it's good to be phony sometimes. Yes, I said it. Phony! You think I'm this nice in real life? Fuck that, son!'

Dave Chappelle:'I pull my balls out right now, I don't care. Skeet, skeet, skeet, skeet.'

Narrator:Vernon Franklin's biography: valedictorian, first in family to attend college, youngest VP in company history — presented before showing him go completely unhinged

Frank Murphy · Narrator:Frank Murphy says 'Give me some skin, huh!' to Vernon, and the narrator explains: 'Vernon, in his heart of hearts, felt like an Uncle Tom.'

Vernon Franklin:Vernon's immediate response: 'Get your motherfucking hand out of my face. You heard me, motherfucker. Get your hands out of my face!'

Vernon Franklin:Vernon's tirade escalates to: 'Do you want a little soft shoe? Should I juggle some watermelons for you, boss?'

Vernon Franklin:Vernon: 'Allow me reintroduce myself, my name is Homes.' — then claims he 'used to beat motherfuckers up just like you, just for walking around my way'

Vernon Franklin:Vernon: 'Sit down, bitch. Thug life! You think it's a game, nigger? / Wu-Tang!' — complete with barking

Narrator:Narrator reveals: 'Today, Vernon works at Sonny's Filler-Up on Route 80 in New Jersey. He makes $6.45 an hour and stinks of gasoline even when he's not at the station.'

Vernon Franklin:Vernon at the gas station: 'A dollar? What am I gonna get with a dollar, nigga? I got kids, and that's real.'

Narrator · Vernon Franklin:Final title card narrator: 'Vernon Franklin, once a heartwarming story of perseverance... today, a sparkling example of When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong.' — with Vernon shouting 'Wu-Tang!' in the background

Dave Chappelle:Post-credits tag: 'I'm rich, biatch!' followed by a horn honking