Black Bush

Dave Chappelle:I would actually cry but the reefer has dried my eyes out.

Dave Chappelle:Don't ever be the first black person to do anything.

Dave Chappelle:Because anytime you hear about the first black dude that did something, it's a terrible story, no matter how benign.

Dave Chappelle:Imagine, like who was the first black person to take a shit on a white toilet?

Cyrus Holloway:An evil bubblin'. A bubble that to me signified nothing else but the early stages of mud butt.

Cyrus Holloway:Oh, that toilet was disgusting. It wasn't fit for Christian butt cheeks.

Cyrus Holloway:I could either go doo-doo in my trousers, which I couldn't do, that was my only good pair at the time.

Cyrus Holloway:It was risky, but so was mud butt.

Cyrus Holloway:With all due respect... I got the mud butt.

Police Officer:Good Lord, it's mud butt!

Police Officer:Desecration of a white facility with negroid feces.

Cyrus Holloway:I could make about three, four more bags of that if you want, sir.

Civil Rights Leader:We are gathered here today to discuss matters of the cocka-dookie and the stinky-stinky.

Civil Rights Leader:Why can't my turd float next to yours?

Narrator:The nation's first shit-in.

Supreme Court Justice:It is my opinion that no matter what the color of your skin, your feces will be brown.

Supreme Court Justice:Except for the clay colored ones, and of course, the spinach green.

Cyrus Holloway:Beautiful dump.

Lil Jon:What?! It's me. What?! It's me... Lil Jon. Okayyy!

Lil Jon:Sometimes when I'm alone, I sit on my hand and wait 'til it gets numb and masturbate. I call that a 'stranger'.

Oprah · Lil Jon:LIL JON? IT'S OPRAH. HOW ARE YOU? GOOD, LISTEN, I'M PREGNANT. ARE YOU SURE IT'S MINE?

Dave Chappelle:If our president were black, we would not be at war right now. Not because a black person wouldn't have done something like that, just because America wouldn't let a black person do something like that without asking them a million questions.

Black Bush:They tried to kill my father, man. Word. I don't play that shit.

Black Bush:That nigga tried to kill my father! Word to everything we love, we comin' to see ya'll, son.

Black Bush:This nigga very possibly has weapons of mass destruction. I can't sleep on that. Not on my watch! That's not how I roll, that shit is serious!

Tony Blair:We don't know much about Saddam, but we can't trust random niggas with things like that, as George so eloquently put it.

Black Bush:The nigga bought aluminum tubes! Do I need to tell you what the fuck you can do with an aluminum tube?

Black Bush:The motherfucker bought some yellow cake, okay, in Africa. He went to Africa and he bought yellow cake.

Black Bush:Y'all niggas don't believe me, I got some yellow cake right here! Look, you see, you believe this shit now. Don't drop that shit!

Black Bush:That's why I got it wrapped up in this special C.I.A. napkin. Just don't drop that shit here.

Black Bush:What? Huh? Oil? Who said something about oil, bitch, you cookin'? Oil?

Black Bush:U.N., you have a problem with that? Know what you should do? You should sanction me. Sanction me with your army. Oh! Wait a minute! You don't have an army!

Black Bush:You think I'm gonna take orders from an African? You might speak 16 languages, but you gonna need 'em when you in Times Square selling fake hats.

Black Bush:I know Gucci when I see it, nigga, I'm rich.

Black Bush:Like who? England. Japan's sending Playstations. Stankonia said they're willing to drop bombs over Baghdad.

Black Bush:Rickety Row is coming! Afrika Bambaataa and the Zulu Nation.

Black Bush:Nigga, you see me come in on that plane? Shhhh...! Da da da da da da da da dah!

Black Bush:I should not have called on you because you're always trying distract motherfuckers with things like the war and skirt all the real issues.

Black Bush:Gay people are getting married, folks. Yes... nasty! Imagine that?

Black Bush:Two women touchin' on each other's tittie balls, wrestlin' them, gently strokin' those nipples until they get just so stiff and erect!

Black Bush:Let's focus on space, nigga. The United States of Space. 'Cause I ain't stoppin' at the moon. M-A-R-S, Mars, bitches.

Black Bush:That's where we are going. Mars, red rocks! Yeah, yeah!