True Hollywood Stories: Rick James

Man · Woman:The Love Contract parody commercial — a legal contract required before sex, with line items for specific sex acts

Man:"And just initial there, for oral." — man adds an oral sex line item mid-signing

Woman:"I'm gonna do you, too." — Woman's enthusiastic response to the oral sex clause

Man:"And just initial there, if you decline anal." — the anal sex decline clause

Woman · Man:"Well, that didn't take too long. / I know." — post-sex exchange implying extremely brief intercourse

Announcer:"From the makers of The Love Contract comes: The Confidentiality Agreement" — post-sex legal NDA reveal

Man:'Or I'll sue your ass... Kobe!'

Announcer:"Available at all Wall-Barts" — fake store name mispronouncing Walmart

Dave Chappelle:Dave's intro: "That might be a Hollywood joke, you know" — downplaying the Kobe sketch as a 'Hollywood' thing

Dave Chappelle:Dave introducing Charlie Murphy: "He was, like, 'Tyree' in 'The Mad Real World'" — referencing Charlie's prior Chappelle's Show appearance

Charlie Murphy:Charlie Murphy's talking head: describing seeing Rick James's orange aura

Rick James:Rick James (Chappelle in character): "I'm one of the baddest motherfuckers of all time. I'm one of the best singers and one of the best-lookin' motherfuckers you've ever seen. Hold my drink, bitch."

Rick James · Charlie Murphy:Rick James walking up to women and licking the entire side of their face

Rick James:"I'm Rick James, bitch." — first utterance of the catchphrase

Charlie Murphy:"Habitually... he's a habitual line-stepper." — Charlie Murphy's epithet for Rick James

Rick James · Charlie Murphy:Rick James sucker-punches Charlie Murphy at Studio 54 — the full-force slap out of nowhere

Charlie Murphy:"That was cold-blooded..." — Charlie Murphy's deadpan reaction assessment after being slapped

Charlie Murphy · Rick James:Rick James's "Unity" ring imprinted in Charlie Murphy's forehead "for at least a week"

Rick James (Dave Chappelle) · Charlie Murphy (actor):Visual recreation: 'Unity' ring imprinted on Charlie's forehead in slow-motion reenactment

Charlie Murphy:Charlie's internal conflict: "maybe I shouldn't do nothing" vs. "stomp this motherfucker out right here"

Rick James:Rick James in his talking head: "What, he's gonna slap me back? I'm Rick James, he's Charlie Murphy."

Rick James:Rick James in talking head: "And I said, 'look, bitch, I'm Rick James. Smack me!'" — Rick James inviting Charlie to retaliate, then laughing

Charlie Murphy:Security guard described as having one eye looking at Charlie, the other looking at Rick

Rick James:"Now, Darkness, the tables are turned. Do with him whatever you like." — Rick James dramatically narrating the fight to his own security

Charlie Murphy:Charlie Murphy threatening to kick Rick James out of a window rather than surrender to security: "You motherfuckers take one more step, I'm kickin' this nigga out the motherfuckin' window."

Rick James:Rick James offering a truce via "the stickiest of the icky" (marijuana) after Charlie's near-defenestration

Charlie Murphy · Rick James:Charlie: "Yo, my forehead is bumpin', man." / Rick: "Now that you mention it, I think I'm bleeding inside my chest."

Rick James:"Bitch, come over here and have sex with Charlie Murphy." — Rick James resolving the truce by commanding women to sleep with Charlie

Charlie Murphy:"...whip his ass... whip his ass... whip his ass." — the echo effect as Charlie says he had to whip Rick James again

Rick James:Rick James's talking head dismissing Charlie: "Don't you think Charlie's a little old to be taking karate? He probably taking it with the little kids."

Rick James:"Charlie had delusions of grandeur." — Rick James diagnosing Charlie

Charlie Murphy:"Cocaine is a hell of a drug." — first utterance, Charlie Murphy's deadpan explanation for Rick James's behavior

Rick James:Rick James showing up at Eddie Murphy's house visibly high: "Nice place, nigga."

Rick James · Charlie Murphy:Rick James getting on Eddie Murphy's brand new suede couches with dirty cowboy boots and grinding mud into them

Rick James:"Fuck yo' couch, nigga! Buy another one, you rich motherfucker!" — Rick James elaborating on his couch philosophy

Charlie Murphy · Rick James:Rick James calling the Murphy brothers "Darkness" because of their complexion — "This is long before Wesley Snipes. Back then, we was the blackest niggas on the planet according to Rick James."

Rick James:The tape-rewind gag — Rick James's talking head is rewound to replay his denial immediately before he contradicts himself

Rick James · Charlie Murphy:Charlie and Eddie holding Rick James down and beating his legs: "Aah, you Darkness... you black, midnight evil motherfucker! Black magic, Darkness!"

Rick James:"You are cold as ice." — Rick James, mid-beating, complimenting Charlie's brutality

Charlie Murphy:"His legs is like, like, linguine." — Charlie Murphy describing Rick James's beaten legs

Rick James:"I've been kicked out of better homes than this!" — Rick James, being ejected, shouting defiance

Rick James:"They shoulda never gave you niggas money! You don't know how to appreciate shit! You can get another couch!"

Charlie Murphy:Eddie Murphy's compassionate: "Wow, man... Rick really needs help." vs. Charlie's response: "Yo, we just gave him some help. Bust his fuckin' ass."

Charlie Murphy:"Cocaine's a hell of a drug." — second utterance, closing the second act

Charlie Murphy:Charlie Murphy's first observation at the China Club: "Wow, that's O.J. Simpson! He has a big fuckin' head, man."

Charlie Murphy:'Wow, that's O.J. Simpson! He has a big fuckin' head, man.'

Rick James:Rick James behind the bar doing a fake Chinese musical moment: "A China chung-chang, a China chung-chung chang."

Rick James:Rick James behind the bar: "Come on, baby, show me your titties, I'm Rick James, do something!"

Rick James:Rick James: "I wish I had more hands. So I could give those titties four thumbs down."

Rick James:"What did the five fingers say to the face? SLAP!" — Rick James's joke-as-assault setup

Charlie Murphy:"Cold blooded..." — Charlie Murphy's second deadpan assessment after a slapping

Rick James:Rick James post-slap: "Bang, bang! I'm Rick James, bitch! Everybody — King Kong ain't got shit on me!"

Charlie Murphy:Charlie Murphy's treatise on slapping: "You don't slap a man. Even when slapping was fashionable, you know, they did it in Paris... I challenge you to a duel!"

Charlie Murphy · Rick James:Charlie slapping Rick James's extensions flying in all directions

Rick James:Rick James's eyes welling up: "Why you hit me like that, Charlie?!"

Rick James · Charlie Murphy:"That was weeks ago, motherfucker! I was partying!" / "No, that was tonight!"

Rick James:"I hit you tonight? ... Cocaine's a hell of a drug."

Rick James:Rick James: "Show Charlie Murphy your titties. I'm Rick James. The milk's gone bad!"

Charlie Murphy:"Can you imagine two grown men doing this? Cocaine's a hell of a drug."

Charlie Murphy:The 'ebb and flow' summary: '...he would go over the top and then I would check him. And then we would have fun after that.'

Rick James:The slow-motion replay of "Fuck yo' couch" and "They shoulda never gave you niggas money" during Charlie's retrospective

Rick James (Dave Chappelle):'Can you imagine two grown men doing this? Cocaine's a hell of a drug.'

Rick James:Rick James's final talking head: "I must be losing my mind. Reminiscing about Charlie Murphy come kicking my ass. Ain't that a 'B?'"

Dave Chappelle:Dave Chappelle's outro: "I would like to thank Charlie Murphy. And I would like to thank Rick James, and I would like to thank cocaine for bringing us such a crazy story."

Rick James:Post-credits: "They shoulda never gave you niggas money!" shouted out a car window at a stranger, causing a horn to honk

Rick James:Rick James explaining Charlie's failed pickup technique: "Can I buy you a drink... what sign are you... this is my friend Rick James, we're going over to Rick James's house."