White People Can't Dance

Dave Chappelle:A lot of flak I've been getting for the racially-charged sketches. It happens.

Dave Chappelle:I'm not advocating, in any way shape or form, any type of racial hatred. I'm just making fun of each other's cultures. It's fun.

Dave Chappelle:The problem is when you do stereotypical kind of jokes there's no room for subtleties.

Dave Chappelle:I don't think it's so much that white people can't dance, it's just that they like certain musical instruments. That instrument, my friends, is electric guitar.

Corporate executives:Visual gag: White executives in boardroom immediately start head-bobbing and dancing to guitar

Dave Chappelle:I knew it, I knew it. Come on, let's get outta here.

Dave Chappelle:a lot of Bush votes in the room

Restaurant diners:Visual gag: Restaurant patrons dancing wildly, breaking glasses

Barber shop customer:Hey, yo! Shut the fuck up!

Dave Chappelle:That went pretty much how I expected.

Barber shop customer:Yo, yo, yo... I'm not of any sex or any race if you were beatin' me it's like Billy Crystal playin' 'Scarface'

Dave Chappelle:whoo! Whoo, that worked like gangbusters!

Latino customers:Visual gag: Latino customers dancing to salsa music

Latino customer:Ay, curumba! Ole!

Dave Chappelle:Spanish gibberish over it... I guess.

City official:I'm gonna need to see a permit.

Dave Chappelle · John Mayer:John, do something, quick. Every rose has it's thorn.

City official · John Mayer:Hey, my man, how you know that song? I'm from the suburbs, man, I can't help it.

Dave Chappelle:when a white person is maybe having trouble sleeping you might take some kind of a... warm milk? I don't know what you drink.

Commercial actor:Hickory! Oh, wow.

Commercial narrator:creating an age-old condition called the 'itis.'

Commercial actor:Mmm... (farts) Mud butt...

Dave Chappelle · Audience member:Box of wine. Wine comes in a box, America? Damn.

Dave Chappelle:He said that without hesitation... (speaking dryly) Box of wine. Puts me right out.

18-year-old Dave:I riggity-realized that I... I liggity-love you. Piggity-pow.

18-year-old Dave:You act like all I wanna do is zoom-a-zoom zoom in your boom boom.

18-year-old Dave:What a biggity-bitch. I'm talkin' about myself of course.

Stripper · 24-year-old Dave:Do you want another song, honey? $10.

24-year-old Dave:That I smelled like I been at the titty bar. So-the-fuck-what?

18-year-old Dave:Help!

24-year-old Dave:Why don't you get on the ground! That's right, gimme my license back! Now, spread your cheeks and lift yo' sack!

24-year-old Dave:And you know what? I am high... I'm high!

30-year-old Dave:I'm rich bitch.

18-year-old Dave:The Wayans brothers? There's more?!

24-year-old Dave:Jackie Chan?! That motherfucker can't even speak English!

30-year-old Dave · Dave's child:Who's Nick Cannon? Daddy, Nick Cannon is hilarious.

30-year-old Dave:I'm broke, nigga, I'm broke!

18-year-old Dave:When you lose... don't lose the lesson. His holiness, the Dali Lama.

24-year-old Dave:Hey, hey, hey, hey... smoke weed everyday.

30-year-old Dave:Fuck Nick Cannon.

30-year-old Dave:You know, you actin' like a little bitch, a'ight? Stop saying that, you tryin' to make your father feel bad?

Dave Chappelle · John Mayer · Questlove:Performance of 'Different Strokes' theme song

Dave Chappelle:That was the gooch...

Dave Chappelle:I'm rich, biatch!