The Niggar Family

Dave Chappelle:Calvin, you getting this job is the signpost to a new era in the black community. Thank you, fast food restaurant!

Woman · Calvin:Eww, nigga, you smell like french fries.

Street guys:Hey, yo, I heard Calvin got a job. Man, I'm proud of him. Let's rob that nigga, man.

Neighbor · Calvin:Oh, she died, Calvin, of high cholesterol. Too much WacArnold's.

Crackhead character:Yo, Calvin, it's a thin line between fries and shakes.

Crackhead character:the leanest burger in the world could be the meanest burger in the world if you cook it that way.

Crackhead character:I need to stop smoking this shit here, bro.

Calvin's girlfriend:Calvin, you can't keep feeding me and your baby hamburgers and french fries every goddamn night!

Calvin:WacArnold's is giving me an opportunity to serve my community and feel responsible for the welfare of my own environment!

Calvin's girlfriend:And who's gloves are these? Huh? Who you fucking, O.J.?

Calvin:And guess what? The rib sandwich is coming back on Tuesday! Guess who ain't getting one!

Calvin:If you want some WacArnold's you gots to go through me. You cut off! I'm Calvin around here!

Negrodamus:Michael Jackson should have been a priest. Then he would have just been transferred.

Negrodamus:Because he has the receipt.

Negrodamus:Rosie O'Donnell shall have a sex change. She will become a man and marry Liza Minelli's husband and beat him.

Negrodamus:Star Jones will have two jobs. First she'll do 'The View,' then she'll take her wig off and do the weather.

Dave Chappelle:His twin brother sold the act to a black guy named Earl Wallingford. And the black dude went out as 'Black Gallagher.'

Black Gallagher:Why don't they call them 'Osama Been Hidin'?'

Black Gallagher:The queer guys came by and had an eye for me.

Black Gallagher:that leprechaun's on acid!

Black Gallagher:Well, Black Gallagher doesn't go out like no punk bitch with a mallet!

Black Gallagher:I got warrants!

Dave Chappelle:man, that sketch you did about them niggers, that was hila... Take it easy.

Dave Chappelle:You start to realize these sketches in the wrong hands are dangerous.

Tim's mother · Tim's father:She's got those Niggar lips. I know, so thin!

Tim's mother:He sure is one lazy Niggar.

Jenny's father · Jenny:Oh, God, no! No, daddy, that's his name. Timmy Niggar.

Jenny's father:I like that Niggar. He's a very good athlete and so well-spoken.

Jenny's father:I mean, we're rich, they're Niggar rich.

Clifton:I know better than to get between a Niggar and their pork. Might get my fingers bit.

Clifton:I know how forgetful you Niggars are when it comes to paying bills.

Tim's father:Oh, Niggar please, Niggar please!

Black customer:Just because we're colored doesn't mean we came out here to be disrespected, okay?

Black customer:Are you the nigga that broke the bottle over Ronnie's head at the dice game?

Black customer:This racism is killing me inside!

Tim's father · Mr. Sanchez:Well, you must be the Wetbacks! It's Sanchez. And don't call us wetbacks, Niggar.

Mr. Sanchez:I'm just kidding, we are the Wetbacks!

Mrs. Wetback:Wait 'til we tell the Jews!

Black Gallagher:You know why a dog licks his balls? 'Cause they're salty!

Black Gallagher:Rich people stink! They smell like someone's been cooking bologna in their shirt!