The Niggar Family

Dave Chappelle:Dave mocks the WacArnold's ad concept: the whole neighborhood celebrates Calvin getting a fast food job as if it will end poverty in the ghetto

Dave Chappelle:'Calvin, you getting this job is the signpost to a new era in the black community. Thank you, fast food restaurant!'

Woman on Street:'Eww, nigga, you smell like french fries.'

Man on Street · Friend:'Let's rob that nigga, man. Yeah, son.'

Coworker:'Oh, she died, Calvin, of high cholesterol. Too much WacArnold's.'

Neighborhood Guy:'Damn, Calvin, you look beat the hell up. What's up, fry guy? Punk bitch.'

Stoner:'Yo, Calvin, it's a thin line between fries and shakes.'

Rapper:Rap about WacArnold's: 'the leanest burger in the world could be the meanest burger in the world if you cook it that way'

Calvin's Girlfriend:Calvin brings home fast food for dinner; girlfriend explodes: 'Calvin, you can't keep feeding me and your baby hamburgers and french fries every goddamn night!'

Calvin's Girlfriend:'And who's gloves are these? Huh? Who you fucking, O.J.?'

Calvin's Girlfriend:'Well, Calvin, you always workin'!' — revealed as an excuse for apparent infidelity with 'the fairy' (gay man)

Calvin:'WacArnold's is tearing this family apart!'

Calvin:'Old Mrs. Harvey died.' — Calvin mentions Mrs. Harvey's death mid-argument as a proof of WacArnold's destruction

Calvin:'And guess what? The rib sandwich is coming back on Tuesday! Guess who ain't getting one!'

Calvin's Girlfriend · Calvin:'I don't eat pork, anyway.' / 'You damn right you don't eat pork, 'cause I ain't giving you none.'

Calvin:Calvin's final rant: 'I'm Calvin around here! You know about me? Everybody know I got a job!'

Dave Chappelle:Dave introduces Paul Mooney reprising 'Ask a Black Dude' but as 'Negrodamus' — Mooney described as 'the hottest psychic ever in the history of the world'

Paul Mooney as Negrodamus:Negrodamus: Michael Jackson should have been a priest — 'Then he would have just been transferred.'

Paul Mooney as Negrodamus:Negrodamus on weapons of mass destruction: 'Because he has the receipt.'

Paul Mooney as Negrodamus:Negrodamus unprompted: 'Rosie O'Donnell shall have a sex change. She will become a man and marry Liza Minelli's husband and beat him.'

Paul Mooney as Negrodamus:Star Jones prediction: 'First she'll do The View, then she'll take her wig off and do the weather.'

Dave Chappelle:Dave reveals Gallagher had a twin brother who sold the act, and the twin sold it to a Black man named Earl Wallingford who went out as 'Black Gallagher'

Black Gallagher (Earl Wallingford):Black Gallagher's first bit: 'Where are the weapons of mass destruction?!' while smashing something

Black Gallagher (Earl Wallingford):'Why don't they call them Osama Been Hidin'?'

Black Gallagher (Earl Wallingford):'Hope you like my outfit. The queer guys came by and had an eye for me.' — Black Gallagher references Queer Eye for the Straight Guy while wearing an absurd outfit

Black Gallagher (Earl Wallingford):'Pink hearts, yellow moons, green clovers, orange stars... that leprechaun's on acid!'

Black Gallagher (Earl Wallingford):'He's crazy like me.' — Black Gallagher self-identifies with the acid-tripping leprechaun

Audience Member:'Smash the fruit, you Black son of a bitch!' — audience member's heckle

Black Gallagher (Earl Wallingford):'Well, Black Gallagher doesn't go out like no punk bitch with a mallet!' — then pulls out a gun

Black Gallagher (Earl Wallingford):'I got warrants!' — Black Gallagher yells while apparently fleeing

Dave Chappelle:Dave describes white fans approaching him to say 'that sketch you did about them niggers, that was hila—' before catching themselves

Dave Chappelle:'You start to realize these sketches in the wrong hands are dangerous.'

Narrator/Singers:The Niggar Family theme song: 'These are the Niggars that we like' sung to a cheerful 50s-sitcom melody

Emily Niggar · Tim Niggar Sr.:'She's got those Niggar lips. — I know, so thin!'

Tim Niggar Sr.:'He sure is one lazy Niggar.'

Jenny's Father · Jenny:Jenny's father's horror at 'a Niggar boy from school' — then relief: 'I like that Niggar. He's a very good athlete and so well-spoken.'

Jenny's Father:'I mean, we're rich, they're Niggar rich.'

Clifton (Milkman):'Morning, Niggars!' — Clifton the milkman bursts in cheerfully

Clifton (Milkman):'I know better than to get between a Niggar and their pork. Might get my fingers bit.'

Clifton (Milkman):'I know how forgetful you Niggars are when it comes to paying bills.'

Clifton (Milkman):'All right, peace Niggar!' — Clifton's exit

Passing Black Man:A Black man walks past on the street, sees the white neighborhood, and reacts with stunned silence/confusion: 'Niggars?!'

Clifton · Maitre d':Restaurant scene: host calls 'Niggar, party of two' and Clifton (the Black maitre d') reacts with fury — then is placated when he hears it's a surname

Maitre d' · Clifton:'Are you the nigga that broke the bottle over Ronnie's head at the dice game?' / 'No, not that nigga. The Niggar from work, the milk round.'

Maitre d':'I bet you'll get the finest table a Niggar's ever got in this restaurant.'

Clifton (Milkman):'This racism is killing me inside!' — Clifton or the maitre d' aside to camera, mid-scene

Tim Niggar Sr.:'Honey, put your dinner party face on.'

Tim Niggar Sr. · Mr. Sanchez:Dinner guest introduces family: 'Well, you must be the Wetbacks!' / 'It's Sanchez. And don't call us wetbacks, Niggar.'

Mrs. Sanchez:'I'm just kidding, we are the Wetbacks!' — Mrs. Sanchez corrects her husband and accepts the greeting

Tim Niggar Sr.:'Wait 'til we tell the Jews!' — Tim Niggar Sr.'s excited aside about expanding the slur-surname friend group

Black Gallagher (Earl Wallingford):'You know why a dog licks his balls? 'Cause they're salty! Black Gallagher!'

Black Gallagher (Earl Wallingford):'Rich people stink! They smell like someone's been cooking bologna in their shirt!'

Black Gallagher (Earl Wallingford):'The sun is very far away from the Earth, people. But I'm hot!'