The Mad Real World

Announcer:National Geographic's 'Third-World Girls Gone Wild' fake ad — reframing exploitative spring-break soft-porn content as National Geographic wildlife footage

Announcer:No collection of videos showing girls lifting their shirts is complete without National Geographic's Third-World Girls Gone Wild

Chappelle:Chappelle says the most moving film he saw was Antwone Fisher — then notes the startling fact that you're apparently allowed to write a movie about yourself

Chappelle:'The temptation to lie would be too strong for me... Not that I'm a liar, but, man, this is a movie. You gotta tell the legend.'

Chappelle:'Dave Chappelle' — written by Dave Chappelle

Doctor · Chappelle (infant):In the fake biopic's delivery room scene, a doctor sees newborn Dave Chappelle and says 'That is one funny-ass kid. Wacka-wacka!' — followed by 'And look at the penis on him! It's bigger than mine!'

Chappelle (as young Dave) · Opponent comics:The '8 Mile'-style montage of Dave developing his comedy skills — lines include 'Nice shirt, does it come in your size?' and 'Do I come to your job and smack the broom out your hand?'

Chappelle (as young Dave):'spaghetti, spaghetti, spaghetti, spaghetti, spaghetti'

Narrator · Chappelle:The biopic narrator announces Dave's success allowed him to 'have sex with Janet Jackson, Jennifer Lopez, a bunch of the girls from the Big Pimpin' video, and Halle Berry'

Chappelle (as Dave in biopic):'That was great having sex in the shower, Halle Berry. You drained my monster's balls.'

Chappelle (as Dave) · Eddie Murphy (voice) · Richard Pryor (voice):Eddie Murphy and Richard Pryor call to tell Dave he's funnier than them — 'We were just talking about how much funnier you are than us'

Richard Pryor (voice):Richard Pryor on the phone: 'You gonna bring Halle? 'Cause that's a fine bitch.'

Dave Chappelle:'Did I tell y'all to sell drugs, huh?! No, Hove did that! So hopefully none of y'all have to go through that.'

Chappelle:Chappelle breaks character after the biopic sketch, miming/reacting to what he apparently did wrong during filming — 'Yeah... did I get that right? No!'

Chappelle:Introducing Mario Cantone as 'the gay guy on Sex and the City' then correcting: 'Matter of fact, he's just a gay guy in the city.'

Audience member · Mario Cantone:First question to Mario Cantone: 'When a gay guy is performing oral sex, is it better than a female?' — Cantone: 'Better, better... how the fuck do I know? Next question! It's better!'

Bazaar Royale:Rapper 'Bazaar Royale from Bloodline Records' demands to know what the rainbow is about — 'I'm not feelin' the rainbow! Get back at me about that!'

Mario Cantone:Cantone responds to 'fruity pants': 'I'll put a band-aid over your left cheek and make you my Nelly.'

Audience member (young man):Audience member's logic: 'Since you're still a guy but you like guys, you'd be after every guy... so do you want me? Do you want this? You can't have this, but if you want...'

Mario Cantone:Cantone's response to the vanity question: 'Oh-ho, you tease. You big tease.' followed immediately by audible retching/spitting sounds [07:11-07:25]

Chappelle:Chappelle's setup for Mad Real World: 'Every few years they put a black guy on The Real World and try to make him look crazy. Of course he's gonna freak out — you put him around six of the craziest white people you can find!'

Dave Chappelle:'They would not like that if we made a show where we put one white guy around six of the craziest black people we could find, would they? Well, guess what? I got a show just like that.'

Tron (narrator):Mad Real World opening title card parody: 'This is the true story of six motherfuckin' strangers... bein' put in a motherfuckin' house... havin' their motherfuckin' lives taped...'

Chad:Chad's confessional: 'When I first entered the house... needless to say, I was a little surprised to meet the other roommates.' — visual: utter chaos on entry

Chad:'I don't hang out with many black people.' — Chad's understated confessional after clearly traumatic entry into the house

Tyree:Tyree's confessional introduction: 'My name is Tyree, and, yeah, I went to prison.' — delivered as casual Real World self-intro

Tyree:Tyree tells Chad his house rule: 'For the entire period you're in my room, I better not catch you standing up peeing. You sit down when you pee, you understand?'

Tyree:'Nighty-night, keep your butthole tight.'

Unknown roommate:'Let me try on some cotton Dockers, ha-ha-ha.'

Unknown roommate:'What's the square root of this apartment?'

Chad:Chad's confessional about the juice bar: 'I wasn't really crazy about the way some of the other roommates acted in the juice bar.'

Tron:Tron in the juice bar: 'Look at me, America, I'm makin' juice. I call this the Tron special.' followed by pouring things haphazardly while rolling dice

Tron:'Get outta my face, nigga! I'm making juice, all right?'

Chad · Tron:Chad's attempt to restore order: 'Hey, guys, you know, we're here to work, not play. We can't have this conversation every day.' — followed by Tron's response: 'Why you wanna work so hard?! America wanna see us live, not work!'

Tron:'Look at me, America, look how Tron is living.'

Roommates · Tron:Police sirens cause everyone in the juice bar to scatter, grabbing money as they flee — 'Police, police, they comin' this way! Get my money! Hurry, get my money!'

Chad:Chad's confessional: 'My girlfriend Katie came in from Maine, so great to spend some quality time with her... Tyree made me really uncomfortable, the way he was looking at me and Katie.'

Tyree · Lysol:Tyree wakes Chad up: 'Say, nigga, get your ass up. I need that bed. I got company. My man Lysol, fresh out the joint.'

Katie · Tyree:Katie tells Chad she's going to stay with Tyree and Lysol: 'Lysol and Tyree, they're just genuinely nice guys.' — immediately followed by Tyree: 'What you waitin' for, man? Get your fat ass out of here before I cut some bacon off your back.'

Chad:'Can we stop the tape?' — Chad's plaintive request in the middle of what is clearly happening off-screen with Katie

Lysol:Lysol's confessional about the tape: 'Yeah, we gonna send that back to the joint so niggas know how we livin' out here.'

Chad:Chad's confessional: 'I saw Katie with, uh, Tyree and Lysol, and, um, I worked my way through it.'

Chad · Tyree:Chad sobbing while Tyree and Lysol audibly make love in the background; Tyree shouts: 'Yo, could you hold it down? We're trying to make love over here.'

Tron:Tron outro: 'Chappelle's Show will be right back with more Mad Real World, biatch!'

Chad:'Be careful if you get a sleeper hold because the next day your anus will really hurt.'

Chad's Dad · Zondra:Chad's dad arrives with brownies; Zondra immediately asks 'Do they got weed in 'em?'

Zondra · Chad's Dad:Zondra confronts Chad's dad about 'looking at her like that' — Dad insists he doesn't know how he's looking — escalating argument about the specific look, culminating in Dad being stabbed

Chad's Dad:'I've been stabbed! Zondra, I've been stabbed... and I don't know what I did!'

Zondra:Zondra's response to Dad's stabbing: 'You came in the house with six wild niggas, that's what you did!' followed by mocking his 'I'm bleeding' in quotes

Chad:Chad snaps at 1:30am: 'What is wrong with you people?! Can't you be quiet for one night?! It's 1:30 in the morning and I have to get up early to go to work!'

Tron:Tron reacts to Chad's outburst: 'Oh, this white boy's trippin'... What the hell you mean, YOU PEOPLE?!'

Zondra:House meeting: 'The reason we called this meeting is we just don't feel safe with you in the house anymore, Chad.'

Chad · Tyree · Katie:Chad protests: 'Tyree, you stabbed my dad! And you had sex with Katie.' Tyree corrects: 'Wait a minute, you got that all wrong. I didn't have sex with Katie. Lysol had sex with Katie. I just filmed it.' Katie: 'No, Tyree, you had sex with me too.'

Katie · Tyree:Katie corrects Tyree: 'No, Tyree, you had sex with me too.' Tyree: 'Correction, I had sex with Katie.'

Tyree:'We could just fuck you up. But we tryin' to be... comvenial about this. But worse come to worse, we reserve the right to fuck you up.'

Unknown Roommate:Final scene: someone Chad didn't know approaches: 'Hey, Chad? I had sex with Katie too, man. Katie has some big-ass titties.'

Chappelle · David Broom:Chappelle introduces 'one of my favorite Real World moments' and brings out David Broom from the New Orleans cast to re-enact it

Chappelle · David Broom:Dave and David Broom's improvised scat/jazz session: 'Squee-ba-boo dee-ba-boo-dee. Squee-ba-boo-dee-ba-boo-ba...' escalating to 'Squee-ah-ee-ah-ee. I-I-I... Aw, you lost me.'

Dave Chappelle · David Broom:Broom produces an extremely elaborate scat phrase; Chappelle says: 'Aw, you lost me.'

Chappelle:'Come on, you rotten bitch, be my baby!'

Chappelle:'I'm rich, biatch!' [show sign-off catchphrase]

Chappelle (as phone character):Post-credits phone call sketch: 'Come over here so I can stick my chocolate in your peanut butter.'

Chappelle (as phone character):'Chad, it's your moms. She say something wrong with your grandmother. She dead or something, my fault. Bitch. Mommy?'