The Mad Real World

announcer:National Geographic's 'Third-World Girls Gone Wild!' - parody commercial combining nature documentaries with Girls Gone Wild

Dave Chappelle:The temptation to lie would be too strong for me to do something like that. Not that I'm a liar, but, man, this is a movie. You gotta tell the legend.

doctor:That is one funny-ass kid. And look at the penis on him! It's bigger than mine!

Dave:Do I come to your job and smack the broom out your hand?

Dave:spaghetti, spaghetti, spaghetti, spaghetti, spaghetti. 8 Mile.

narrator:His skills took him to the top, and allowed him to have sex with Janet Jackson, Jennifer Lopez, a bunch of the girls from the 'Big Pimpin'' video and Halle Berry.

Dave:You drained my monster's balls.

Eddie Murphy · Richard Pryor · Dave:Hey, man, we were just talking about how much funnier you are than us. Y'all crazy, man. Can you come have dinner with us, Dave? I mean, really, please?

Richard Pryor · Dave:You gonna bring Halle? 'Cause that's a fine bitch. Nah, son, that ain't no dinner thing.

President Bush · Dave:Would you like to take a bath with my daughters? They could learn something from you, and I heard you have a 16-inch penis. 18, but who's countin'?

Dave Chappelle:Matter of fact, he's just a gay guy in the city.

Mario Cantone:Better, better... how the fuck do I know? Next question! It's better!

Mario Cantone:I'll put a band-aid over your left cheek and make you my Nelly.

Mario Cantone:Oh-ho, you tease. You big tease.

Mario Cantone:Visual gag: Mario retching and spitting in response

Dave Chappelle:You put him around six of the craziest white people you can find, and then expect him to live a normal life.

narrator:This is the true story of six motherfuckin' strangers... bein' put in a motherfuckin' house... Mad Real World, son.

roommate:Nah, uh, all the beds is full. You got to room with Tyree.

Tyree:I better not catch you standin' up peein'. You sit down when you pee, you understand?

Tyree:Nighty-night, keep your butthole tight.

Chad:Let me try on some cotton Dockers, ha-ha-ha.

Chad:What's the square root of this apartment?

Tron:Look at me, America, I'm makin' juice. I call this, 'the Tron special.'

Tron:get outta my face, nigga! I'm making juice, all right?

Tron · roommate:Why you wanna work so hard, huh?! Yeah, man, America wanna see us live, not work. Look at me, America, look how Tron is living.

roommates:Well, bring some juice back, nigga! Sell me some juice, bitch, I'm thirsty! Get me a Philly blunt, son. And a banana cognac, biatch!

Katie:No, you know what, Chad? I'm gonna stay here. Lysol and Tyree, they're just genuinely nice guys.

Tyree:What you waitin' for, man? Get your fat ass out of here before I cut some bacon off your back.

Tyree:Yo, could you hold it down? We're tryin' to make love over here.

Tron:Niggas is wildin'!

Chad:Be careful if you get a sleeper hold because the next day your anus will really hurt.

roommate · Chad's dad:Do they got weed in 'em? No!

Zondra · Chad's dad:Why you gotta look at me like that?! Like that! Like what?! Oh, look! Look, he doin' it! I'll look over here! Don't look at me!

Chad's dad:You came in the house with six wild niggas, that's what you did!

Chad:What is wrong with you people?! Can't you be quiet for one night?! It's 1:30 in the morning and I have to get up early to go to work, damn it!

Zondra:What the hell you mean, 'you people?!' I think we need to have a house meeting, y'all.

Chad:Tyree, you... you stabbed my dad! And you had sex with Katie.

Tyree:Wait a minute, you got that all wrong. I didn't have sex with Katie. Lysol had sex with Katie. I just filmed it.

Lysol:Correction, I had sex with Katie.

Tyree:But worse come to worse, we reserve the right to fuck you up.

Tron:Hey, Chad? I had sex with Katie too, man. Katie has some big-ass titties.

Dave Chappelle:Come on, you rotten bitch, be my baby!

Tyrone Biggums:Come over here so I can stick my chocolate in your peanut butter.

Tyree:Chad, it's your moms. She say something wrong with you grandmother. She dead or something, my fault.