Great Moments in Hookup History

Dave Chappelle:Armadale, for shizzle.

Pam:Girl, I got something that'll keep your flow motherfucking tiz-ight!

Damon Dash:Roc-A-Fella's about to get all up in that ass... with Roca-pads.

Damon Dash:So if your period is droppin', then, we catch it

Woman:Ooh, for shizzle, my bizzle.

Damon Dash:So, if your bum is leakin', you need to be seekin'... Roca-pads.

Woman:It's real shitty down here. Oh, my... it's Redman.

Redman:My shit is da bomb, bitch.

Redman:the enzymes and shit collaborate together, and make some kind of mixture

Redman:you got celery and lima beans and corn and chicken bones and shit in here. It was yummy going down.

Redman:Flush the toilet with your pancake ass, bitch!

Redman:Hey, Redman Toilet Freshener, I'll get the brown out.

Martin Johnson:I'd been on an eight-week losing streak, man. I needed to pull out a win and I needed it then.

Narrator:Ashley Evans, affectionately known throughout the league as 'Smashly' Evans

Ashley Evans:And I would like a man.

Bartender:Can anybody take this drunk, horny, crazy woman home?

Narrator:It was Jimmy Mackey's 9th interception of the year, living up to his reputation as one of the bad boys of the league.

Martin Johnson · Narrator:Hey, hey, you forgot your scarf. But it wasn't her scarf. Young Ashley didn't even own a scarf, but was too drunk to realize it.

Black passenger:Man, of all the flights to be on, I gotta ride with them terrorist sons of bitches. I got my eye on you, Al Qaeda.

White passenger:What are those negroes doing in first class? Must be rappers. I'd better keep an eye on Sara.

Native American passenger:Me no trust-em white man. Me better not go to bathroom. White man will steal my seat and call it 'Manifest Destiny'.

Dave Chappelle:You don't want to alienate yourself or, maybe, get beat the fuck up.

Paul Mooney:Yeah, black people can jump high. You gotta jump, gotta do something when you're running from the police.

Paul Mooney:Everybody wanna be a nigger, but nobody wanna be a nigger, how about that question?

Paul Mooney:Carol Channing just admitted she was a nigger, the rest of 'em need to break down and admit it too.

Paul Mooney:Well, I have a question for that nigga. Well, where are your teeth, nigga?

Paul Mooney:And don't ask me about drugs, ask Whitney and Bobby, don't ask me that question.

Dave Chappelle:Nigger, I am gonna get cancelled for sure.

Private Jackson/Dave Chappelle:Tell 'em I got shot by some Chinese gangsters. I can describe 'em.

Private Jackson/Dave Chappelle:You might as well just shoot yourself in the stomach and come lay down with me. They're gonna see you.

Private Jackson (Dave) · Sergeant:Permission to die, Sarge. Permission granted. You report to heaven at 0-800 hours, and that's an order, soldier.

Private Jackson/Dave Chappelle:Don't ask God... ask Nixon. Why, Nixon, why?!

Private Jackson/Dave Chappelle:I'd love some pussy before I go, ahh...

Private Jackson (Dave):I'd love some pussy before I go, ahh...

Duke of Yorkville (Dave):My lady, my lady, don't run from me. My lady... hey!

Duke of Yorkville/Dave Chappelle:and foundeth her... her birthday present early.

Duke of Yorkville/Dave Chappelle:The last maiden that accused me of lying, I stuck my foot betwixt her buttocks so ravagely... That it broketh off and snappeth as the twig doth snap!

Duke of Yorkville/Dave Chappelle:to come and watch me unsheath my sword and swing it and swing it upon thee!

Duke of Yorkville (Dave):and swing it and swing it upon thee!

Duke of Yorkville/Dave Chappelle:I've soiled my pantaloon. I'm going to get a bowl of cereal.

Duke of Yorkville (Dave):It seems as though the boudoir, perhaps, won't be necessary. I've soiled my pantaloon.

Stanley/Dave Chappelle:Short foot... Long foot... Little foot... Long foot...

Stanley/Dave Chappelle · Helper:Ahh, get your damned hands off of me! But, sir, the wet floor... Shut up... oh!

Stanley/Dave Chappelle:Shut your damn mouth, you pothead!

Stanley/Dave Chappelle:May I have a double cheeseburger... a large fry... and something cold to drink?

Stanley/Dave Chappelle:And a cherry pie!

Stanley/Dave Chappelle:And a milkshake!

R. Kelly:If you let one drop hit this motherfuckin' waverunner, I'm a kick your motherfuckin' ass.

Tyrone Biggums:If you let one drop hit this motherfuckin' waverunner, I'm a kick your motherfuckin' ass.

Tyrone Biggums:Oh, girl, I should shit on you.

R. Kelly:I should pee on y'all like R. Kelly.

Dave Chappelle:I'm rich, biatch!