Slavery Reparations

Dave Chappelle:I tried whacking off with my PC, but I felt like it was just too much clickity-clack, clickity-clack...

Dave Chappelle:With my Mac, I mean, the video resolution is so clear, I can see parts of the vagina that I didn't even know existed. Labias and flabias and flip-flaps... man!

Dave Chappelle:Wu-Tang Clan ain't nothing to mess with.

Dave Chappelle:Has anyone seen that? Thank God.

Dave Chappelle:(imitating nasally) 'He's an affirmative action hire.' That's a lot better than saying, 'hey, that nigga's homeless'.

Dave Chappelle:I was, like, 'should I just choke somebody, or...?'

Dave Chappelle:'Forced.' Oh, you mean, like, 'slavery forced'? Remember that thing where you forced us to work, huh?

Dave Chappelle:I'm trying to get paid for the work of my forefathers. Done and done.

Dave Chappelle:You can't just give black people all this money and turn them loose on the streets. That could be a potential disaster.

Chuck Taylor:Frank Dobson died last night in his sleep.

Woman:Hide the money, y'all! There's poor people 'round. (laughs loudly) With your broke ass!

Man:Truck driver? I ain't no truck driver, I'm a janitor. Janitor? That's right, baby, I just bought this truck straight cash.

Man:Now, I got enough cigarettes to last me and my family for the rest of our lives. I'm rich, biatch!

Chuck Taylor · Wendy:Why aren't there any banks in the ghetto? Well, Chuck, that's because banks hate black people, but I think that's about to change.

Michael Peterson:These people are spending money like hotcakes.

Michael Peterson:Oil has dropped to $1.50 a barrel, while chicken shot to $600 a bucket.

Michael Peterson:The catch word around here is certainly, 'bling, bling!'

Michael Peterson:watermelon is surprisingly flat, defying many analysts out there.

Michael Peterson:8,000 record labels have been started in the last hour.

Michael Peterson:these people just seem to be breaking their necks to give this money right back to us.

Michael Peterson:Fubu is now the world's largest corporation after merging with Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Chuck Taylor:the crime rate has fallen to 0%. How could that be? Did the Mexicans get money today too?

Chuck Taylor:I shouldn't have said that. Listen, I think we'll be all right. Mexicans don't watch the news.

Dave Chappelle:Their titties. I'm sorry to say it, there's something about boobs. I'm a sucker for boobies.

Dave Chappelle:Their titties. I'm sorry to say it, there's something about boobs. I'm a sucker for boobies.

Dave Chappelle:taking 'em out on that parade before you pack them away for the winter.

Lyle:Boy, she had some sweet New York boobs.

Joe Rogan:Well, I'd drink from those 'C' cups any day.

Joe Rogan:They rest on my arm like an eagle on a perch.

Lyle:Well, sir... you have fabulous genetics. That's all I can tell you because you helped make a great set of New York boobs.

Chuck Taylor:Todd Macculloch ended up playing one-on-one with Travis Knight. Macculloch had 75 points, beating Knight by 7.

Chuck Taylor:finally, feels like he has a big penis.

Tron:Hot hand in a dice game, baby girl. Six hours straight, talking 'bout, clackity, clackity, clackity clack!

Tron:Kiss my black ass, America!

Tron:Uh, I'm gonna reinvest my money into the community. Oh, that's a very nice gesture, what will you... Psych!

Tron:No, no, I just bought this baby cash.

Big Al:Happy Reparations Day, Happy Juneteenth. Just kidding.

Big Al/Alton Sims:(deep and throaty) Actually, Chuck, this my real speaking voice. I talk like straight-up gangster, bitch.

Alton Sims:Why don't we take a look at my tri-state area map, which looks a lot like my big fat ass.

Alton Sims · Chuck Taylor:Wait a minute, that ain't no truck! (farting) My God, Big Al, that's disgusting!

Alton Sims:I'm paid. I'm paid. I'm paid in the shade.

Alton Sims:You look like you just walked up from ground zero.

Chuck Taylor:Colin Powell has just bitch-slapped Vice President Dick Cheney.

Chuck Taylor:White people, run for cover, we'll be right back.

Dave Chappelle:Everybody at home, I hope you're at home making your butt clap-clap clap-clap clap.

Dave Chappelle:You know you can buy land with money, don't you?