Love Those Breasts

Dave Chappelle:QVC offered me my own line of clothing... The only reason I didn't do it was... they're just gross, man. They just nasty people.

QVC Host Jessica · QVC Host Ron:Uh, Ron, uh, I think you have a booger on your hand. You're right, Jessica, I do! Ha, ha, ha! Better get rid of it, before one of our customers bids on it! I'll start the bidding at $9.95. Sold!

QVC Host · QVC Model Tammy:It's not genital herpes, it's just a cold sore! No, that's genital herpes. Believe me, I should know, I've had it since 1979.

QVC Host:Whoa! It's a jungle down there. (Tarzan yell) Me Jane. She hairy. The rugs don't quite match the drapes, have you noticed that?

Dave Chappelle:Most niggas would be like... Gotta do what I gotta do, son. We all have our faults, you know.

Actor playing Kunta Kinte:Oh, oh! Oh, I'm... hey, I'm sorry. I told y'all not to give me a real baby. Pissin' all over me and (beep).

Actor playing Kunta Kinte · Actor playing overseer:Damn! Steve, what'd I say about hitting so hard, man? I'm sorry, are you all right? You sorry? I'm gonna show you sorry, man! I'm gonna show you sorry!

Actor playing Kunta Kinte:I told y'all he's scared of me!

Dave Chappelle:by me having a white friend, like, 'how incredible, look at 'em, talking and laughing together.'

Dave Chappelle:Well, kids, a doctor's job is hard, and it never gets harder than telling you guys that your parents are dead.

Dave Chappelle:Hopefully, they don't split you up. All right, take care. Oh, by the way, I forgot to tell you... Psych! I'm just kidding, come on out, mom and dad, come on out.

Dave Chappelle:I ain't JJ, but it was dyn-o-mite!

Dave Chappelle:It's a dildo, dawg!

Dave Chappelle as robber:I eat cottage cheese for dinner, all right? With salt and pepper. You understand?

Dave Chappelle:What, I can't make fun of that fucking frog? Fuck that frog. They don't be doing that on white networks. As soon as a black network... at the dubba WB.

Sheila:Big boobs, bad back.

Young boys:Look at that lady. Yeah, her bosooms are, like, bouncin' around and everything.

Sheila:Stupid boobs. Nothing but an inconvenience. I wish I didn't have 'em!

Dave Chappelle as mysterious figure · Sheila:Careful what you wish for. What? Who are you? Who I am is not important, but what you said about those titties is.

Sheila · Dave as angel:What happened to my boobs? / Oh, you just answered your own question. Them boobies is gone, girl, just like you wished for.

Dave Chappelle as mysterious figure:Them boobies is gone, girl, just like you wished for.

Office boss:In fact, tell that titless freak she's fired.

Dave as angel:Boo-yah!

Paul:You know what you need? A new set of titties and a boyfriend, then you'll be all set, all right?

Dave as angel:Well, it's not what's gotten into him as much as it is what's gotten out of you. By that, of course, I mean your massive milk bladders.

Dave Chappelle as mysterious figure:He can't see you, but my black ass got 20/20 vision. God damn, Sheila!

Bride:am I getting bridesmaids, or starting an itty-bitty titty committee?

Dave as angel:'Cause your friends are bitches! Besides, Sheila, even girls love girls with huge tats, especially at a wedding. The groom's friends gotta have somebody to sleep with.

Dave Chappelle as mysterious figure:Besides, Sheila, even girls love girls with huge tats, especially at a wedding. The groom's friends gotta have somebody to sleep with.

Dave as angel:Listen, I didn't want to put this on you, but the fate of the world... you hear me... the world rests on them chesticles!

Dave Chappelle as mysterious figure:Listen, I didn't want to put this on you, but the fate of the world... you hear me... the world rests on them chesticles!

Dave Chappelle as mysterious figure:masturbating to you and those giant cans of yours was all he had to live for. Once you took that away, he lost his mind and blew up the world!

Dave as angel:World's going to end in about 10 seconds... which is just enough time to suck a titty. But where would I find a titty from? I don't... well, hey, it's Sheila!

Dave Chappelle as mysterious figure:World's going to end in about 10 seconds... which is just enough time to suck a titty. But where would I find a titty from? I don't... well, hey, it's Sheila!

Sheila:I've got humongoid knockers, and I'm proud of them.

Dave Chappelle as mysterious figure:Angel? I ain't no angel, I'm a janitor. Girl, I am high on PCP.

Dave Chappelle as janitor:I was gonna ask you how you was following me. You smoke sherm... a little sherman?

Dave Chappelle as janitor:I'm just a nigga that love titties.

Dave Chappelle:I'm rich, bi-atch!

Dave Chappelle:WB? Man, you told me this (bleep) was for HBO, man. Ain't dying for no damn WB.

Dave Chappelle:I had some titties on my neck.