Love Those Breasts

Dave Chappelle:Dave sets up the QVC bit by calling them 'gross' and 'nasty people' before rolling pre-taped fake QVC footage

Ron · Jessica:Ron the QVC host casually auctions off his own booger: 'I'll start the bidding at $9.95. Sold!'

Dave Chappelle:Dave's reaction after the booger bit: 'You dick.'

Jessica · Ron:QVC host diagnoses model Tammy's cold sore as genital herpes on live television

Ron:Ron reveals he has had genital herpes since 1979, mid-QVC broadcast

Jessica · Ron:QVC model Bonnie's bikini reveal prompts the host to say 'It's a jungle down there' followed by a Tarzan yell

Ron:'The rugs don't quite match the drapes, have you noticed that?'

Dave Chappelle · Man in crowd/vignette:Dave asks the audience what they'd do if they saw the hairy model; cuts to a man saying 'Gotta do what I gotta do, son. We all have our faults.'

Narrator:Roots presented as a standard DVD anniversary release with 'special features' narration

Roots character (Kunta Kinte's father, in Roots footage):'Kizzie, behold, the only thing greater than yourself' — played straight as a DVD 'highlight'

Actor (Roots outtake):The actor playing Kunta Kinte's father breaks character: 'Oh, I'm sorry. I told y'all not to give me a real baby. Pissin' all over me and (beep).'

Actor playing Kunta Kinte · Steve (actor playing overseer):Kunta Kinte whipping scene outtake: actor getting hit hard and breaking character — 'Damn! Steve, what'd I say about hitting so hard, man?'

Actor playing Kunta Kinte:'I told y'all he's scared of me!' — actor boasts after presumably getting the upper hand in the fight

Announcer:'Including all Walbogs!' — bizarre tag line in the Roots DVD commercial

Dave Chappelle:Dave reveals his first show was 'the ill-fated Buddies' on ABC, mocking the premise of a show about a Black man and white man being friends

Announcer:Zapped! parody announces Dave's show premise: telling children their parents are dead as a hidden camera prank

Dave Chappelle · Children:Dave as doctor telling children their parents are dead while they cry — played straight with Zapped energy

Dave Chappelle:Dave continues the bit by telling the crying children: 'Foster care is coming to pick you guys up... Hopefully, they don't split you up.'

Dave Chappelle · Children · Parents:'Psych! I'm just kidding, come on out, mom and dad' — the Zapped reveal; kids ask 'Why did you do this to us?'

Dave Chappelle · Julie · Husband:Zapped! second sketch: Dave pranks a woman by having her husband admit he's been sleeping with his secretary for three and a half years — in the middle of what was a hidden camera show

Dave Chappelle:'JJ? I ain't JJ, but it was dyn-o-mite!'

Man:Mid-prank reveal, man volunteers: 'While we're on the subject, I've been sleeping with my secretary for the last three and a half years'

Dave Chappelle · Julie:Julie demands to know what's in the husband's pants; Dave: 'It's a dildo, dawg!'

Julie:'Dave Chappelle, you have ruined my life!'

Dave Chappelle:Zapped! bank robbery sketch: Dave actually robs a bank at gunpoint as a 'prank'

Dave Chappelle:'I eat cottage cheese for dinner, all right? With salt and pepper. You understand?' — Dave's non-sequitur threat during the robbery

Dave Chappelle:Dave gets shot/hit during the police response: 'Ow! Damn, I got hit!'

Dave Chappelle:Dave's commentary on the Kermit the Frog bumper: 'What, I can't make fun of that fucking frog? Fuck that frog.'

Dave Chappelle:'They don't be doing that on white networks. As soon as a black network... at the dubba WB. I like chicken.'

Dave Chappelle:'Welcome back, niggers, to the WB.'

Sheila's friend:'Big boobs, bad back' — Sheila's friend casually quotes this as 'the old adage'

Men on path:Men on the running path immediately notice Sheila's bouncing breasts: 'Look at that lady. Yeah, her bosooms are, like, bouncin' around and everything.'

Man on path:'Sweet Jesus, did you see the jugs on that brunette?'

Dave Chappelle (as spirit guide):Dave introduces himself by saying 'Who I am is not important, but what you said about those titties is.'

Frank (HR man):Frank the HR man dismisses Sheila professionally in a world without her breasts — 'Yeah, well... we'll see'

Frank (HR man):'In fact, tell that titless freak she's fired.'

Dave Chappelle (as spirit guide):Dave as spirit guide: 'Oh, are guys really like that? No. My guy friends aren't like that.' (laughing)

Paul:Paul reveals he was never Sheila's friend — 'I always thought I was your personal handyman 'cause you're constantly asking me for favors I don't want to do.'

Dave Chappelle (as spirit guide):Dave: 'It's not what's gotten into him as much as it is what's gotten out of you. By that, of course, I mean your massive milk bladders.'

Dave Chappelle (as spirit guide):'He can't see you, but my black ass got 20/20 vision. God damn, Sheila!'

Dave Chappelle · Women at wedding:Dave leads Sheila to conclude that women would never judge another woman by breast size; cut to women at a wedding being catty about Sheila's exclusion — 'Or starting an itty-bitty titty committee?'

Bride:'Am I getting bridesmaids, or starting an itty-bitty titty committee?'

Dave Chappelle (as spirit guide):'The fate of the world... you hear me... the world rests on them chesticles!'

Dave Chappelle (as spirit guide):The world-ending scenario: a man who was masturbating to Sheila's window goes insane and 'blew up the world' when her breasts disappeared

Dave Chappelle (as spirit guide):'World's going to end in about 10 seconds... which is just enough time to suck a titty. But where would I find a titty from? I don't... well, hey, it's Sheila!'

Sheila · Dave Chappelle (as janitor/spirit guide):Sheila thanks the spirit guide and calls him 'an angel or something'; he corrects her: 'Angel? I ain't no angel, I'm a janitor.'

Dave Chappelle (as janitor):'Girl, I am high on PCP. I was gonna ask you how you was following me.'

Dave Chappelle (as janitor) · Sheila:'You smoke sherm... a little sherman?' / 'No... uh, who are you?' / 'I'm just a nigga that love titties.'

Unnamed man (tag scene):'Now I gotta get up, wash all this blood off me, and still get to the club before last call 'cause it's Fri-day night!'

Unnamed man (tag scene):'WB? Man, you told me this (bleep) was for HBO, man. Ain't dying for no damn WB.'

Paul:Paul from the Sheila sketch appears in a tag: 'I'm sorry, I wasn't listening, what did you say? I had some titties on my neck.'