Introducing Tyrone Biggums

Dave Chappelle:She's in my contract.

Dave Chappelle · Pretty White Girl:Crack was invented and distributed to intentionally destroy the black community.

Pretty White Girl:O.J. didn't do it.

Pretty White Girl:On second thought, yeah he did.

Pretty White Girl:Gay sex is gross. Sorry I just find it to be gross, unless of course they're lesbians.

Pretty White Girl:All Chinese people look alike. So do white people. Pretty much anyone who isn't black looks alike to me.

Pretty White Girl:I wouldn't mind sticking a finger or two up that singing white girl's butt either.

Pretty White Girl:Call me on my cell, 917...

Pretty White Girl:And now it's time to collect ad revenue for Comedy Central. Revenue they don't share with my black ass.

Street Interview Man:That'd probably be having sex with old Gangbang here, without a rubber.

Dave Chappelle:I've got a nagging suspicion that bitch ain't Jamaican, you know what I'm saying?

Announcer Woman:Dave Chappelle is not a psychic. He is merely a racist, who believes that stereotypes dictate our futures.

Dave Chappelle:Because a brother can't get enough of that ass.

Dave Chappelle:Or if I dated four white girls myself.

Dave Chappelle:All right, I'm hearing an accent. You from south of the border?

Announcer Woman · Dave Chappelle:Sometimes, Dave will talk with a phony baloney Jamaican accent. The cards don't lie! Lord have mercy!

Dave Chappelle:Hey, y'all, flippity-flap, flippity-float, flippity-fleep, here comes some jokes!

Announcer:The Wrap It Up Box - you've got that same power, right in your pocket.

Court Spectator:Yo, the sign is real simple, 'b', it says, 'wrap it up.' Wrap that shit up, 'b'!

Audience member with Wrap It Up Box:You'd better wrap that gavel up, 'b'!

Sexual Partner:Psych! Psych, you thought I was done didn't you? It ain't over.

Man during sex:Psych! Psych, you thought I was done didn't you? It ain't over.

Dave Chappelle:I refer to us as the Reagan babies. Anyone who grew up around Reagan had drug-awareness week, right?

Dave Chappelle:I refer to us as the Reagan babies. Anyone who grew up around Reagan had drug-awareness week, right?

Tyrone Biggums:Y'all tell anybody, I'll kill you! I'll kill you! The goofiest crackhead in the town. Peanut butter and crack sandwich!

Tyrone Biggums:I say it's a privilege, because it's a violation of my parole to be around children.

Tyrone Biggums:Kids, y'all are looking at a dead man. I should not be in front of you today!

Tyrone Biggums:Then I upgraded to a little drug called acid... very inexpensive and affordable. Even young children could afford it... it's so bad.

Tyrone Biggums:I did two hits of that and Bugs Bunny and Scooby Doo and all my favorite cartoon heroes came to my room and ate cookies with me and sang songs for 16 hours.

Tyrone Biggums:I did two hits of that and Bugs Bunny and Scooby Doo and all my favorite cartoon heroes came to my room and ate cookies with me and sang songs for 16 hours.

Tyrone Biggums:We all know we can sneak into our mama's room when she's sleeping, and take $5, $10, maybe $20 out her purse, run on down to Third Street, catch the 'D' bus downtown, and meet a Latin American fellow named Martinez... We know that! And we know that Martinez' stuff is the bomb!

Tyrone Biggums:You know what dog food tastes like? Do you? It tastes just like it smells... delicious!

Tyrone Biggums:I'm gonna show you how I go to the bathroom. Ha, ha, ha, ha! Ha! (farting)

Tyrone Biggums:That, children, was the first time I sucked a dick for crack. But it wouldn't be the last.

Tyrone Biggums:That, children, was the first time I sucked a dick for crack. But it wouldn't be the last.

Tyrone Biggums:You're welcome, teacher bitch! I'm not finished, but that's all right.

Tyrone Biggums:Um, can I get cash for this? I got some errands to run, and I don't think I'm gonna make the bank. It's my money, bitch! I earned it!

Dave Chappelle:But I caught him like he was doing a thing, he was like...

Audience Member:Yo, wrap it up, 'b'! That's it, you're done, man! Wrap it up, 'b'!