Wu Tang Consulting Firm

Dave:the mad dash at the end of the night when guys are really scrambling to get some booty? And it's like a game, and the shot clock is running out. It's like football or something.

Narrator:left guard, Carol Deitrich, and right guard, Denisha 'Bear' Bryant

Narrator:a tandem that had racked up 14 cock blocks just a year earlier

Bobby:You give me Pac-Man fever. (gobbling)

Narrator:shots up the gut

Bobby · Gina · Guard:You know, I got some pizzas at the crib. All right. Pizza? I don't want no pizza. And some weed, too. Weed? A'ight, yeah.

Narrator:That night, Bobby and Gina had drunken sex on top of her two passed-out friends, technically making it a four-way.

Dave:I look like Turbo from Breakin'. I really got into that character, too. 'Cause after we was done shooting, I cleaned up the set.

Dave:you know any real robber would've shot the little dude in the first five minutes, roll credits, the end

Neo:(farting)

Earl:Psyche! It's Earl, nigga, I need your stapler. I can't find mine.

Earl:Hello, dumb-dumb, do you know who this is?

Announcer:Cream, get the money, dollar-dollar bill, y'all.

Announcer:Come step to the Wu, Wu-Tang Financial.

Wu-Tang Member:Smith Barney... bunch of bitches. Old-time farts.

Wu-Tang Member:You need to diversify your bonds, nigga.

Wu-Tang Member:Military shit is blowin' up. We about to go to war, invest in some nuclear bombs.

Wu-Tang Member:This ain't Trading Places, nigga. This is real fucking life!

Wu-Tang Member:Protect your goddamn neck, a'ight?

Announcer:Unfortunately, the Ol' Dirty Bastard couldn't make it today, but he sends his regards: Doo-da-doo-da-doo-da.

Announcer:Wu-Tang Clan ain't nothin' to fuck with.

Pimp:Okay. You've gotta get the fuck outta here.

Paul Mooney:That happy nigga that's in that movie where he heals all white people, the big black runaway.

Paul Mooney:well, we don't do that, sell it to the niggers. They shoulda had somethin' to say about that.

Paul Mooney:That's funny, Stephen King. He almost said, 'nigger,' I read between 'em.

Paul Mooney:I wrote a script for Stephen King. I have a Stephen King horror movie... Nigger With A Brain. We'll see how that scare people. Niggers In School, how 'bout that, Stephen?

Dave:And I mean bad like Catholic priest, R. Kelly bad.

Yoda:Know about sex with boys, Yoda did not. Tired Yoda is. Resign he will.

Yoda · Reporter:Yoda that was not. Then who was it? Mickey Rooney, maybe?

Chuck Taylor:Appalling Yoda's behavior was. Damn it! Now that freak has me talking like him.

Mace Windu:Yes, they deserve to die, and I hope they burn in hell!

Former Padawan:My master said the force was strong in me... and gave me a wine cooler.

Former Padawan:Then he made me wear a blindfold and reach into his pants to... 'look for the force.'

Former Padawan:Are you sighing, or are you just... breathing normally? I don't even know anymore!

Former Padawan:Point it out. (breathing heavily)

Chuck Taylor:Can we cut tape? Miguel, you heard the man. Cut the goddamn tape! Just cut it!

Geek · Other Geek:This never would've happened in the world of Star Trek 'cause the fleet commanders would not have allowed... you can't prove that! (screaming)

Chuck Taylor:gay droid marriage, should it be legalized? This queer couple says yes.

Dave:I'm rich, bi-atch! (horn honking)