The Return of Tyrone Biggums

Dave Chappelle:Any black dude in New York would have been like, 'well, then this is a gun.'

Carl (Ghost parody):your husband's clothes fit funny, girl. Well, they look better on you than they ever did on him.

Carl (Ghost parody):Oh, nigger, you know I see you. You know... yeah, I'm looking right at you. You, the ghost, nigger, I see you.

Carl (Ghost parody):You're freaky, man. You like to watch? You wanna watch? How this make you feel? Whee!

Thurgood · Scarface · Brian:All right. Y'all wanna smoke some weed? Yeah! Hell, yeah, B.! Wassup? Kenny's on his own, then.

Scarface:We need a new roommate! Yo, fuck Kenny, B.! I hope he gets fucked in his butt in jail! Booty-fuck Kenny, man.

Dave Chappelle:Knock, knock. (audience) Who's there? Some skits, bi-atch!

James 'Skank' Scanton:She realizes what she's touching and continues. Brilliant... just brilliant!

James 'Skank' Scanton:because that's how I got this...

Justin Wilkes:That dog that you call 'Rin Tin Tin', I call 'racist'.

Justin Wilkes:What you calling 'classic civil rights footage,' I call 'footage of me getting bit on my ass by a German Shepherd from Dusseldorf, Germany.'

Justin Wilkes:If you would like to see, there's actually bite marks on my ass that can prove it.

Mr. Ed:Oh, I better get out of here. Took ya I-I-long enough, n-n-nigger.

Female worker · Mr. Ed:I'll cut you, I'ma cut you, do you hear me? Boys, get her away from me! I know where you live, Mr. Ed. I'm gonna cut you.

Pool worker:It's James, the nigger-hating dolphin! Get out!

Narrator reading statement:If it's any consolation, his best friend was the Black Stallion.

KITT:Puerto Ricans are lazy, Michael.

Man in elevator:Man, if I could just slide a finger down the crack of that ass.

Man in elevator:Oh, oh, baby! Damn! Look at them nipples, man.

Young boy:I would put a hurtin' on that bitch.

Tyrone Biggums:is this the 5:00 free crack giveaway?

Tyrone Biggums:What time is it? It's 5:00. Did I miss the 5:00 free crack giveaway?

Tyrone Biggums:Mm-hmm, I'm here for same reasons you is, man, I want some crack. Crack.

Tyrone Biggums:What y'all tell him, huh? Come on, Benedict Arnolds! What y'all tell him?

Tyrone Biggums:What y'all tell him, huh? Come on, Benedict Arnolds! What y'all tell him?

Tyrone Biggums:I would never carjack that ugly-ass car.

Tyrone Biggums (flashback):Who's Tyrone, huh? I don't know Tyrone! No, it's you with your crusty-ass lips!

Tyrone Biggums:How can you sleep if you're high on crack, hmm? It's a Chinese riddle for you.

Tyrone Biggums (flashback):I just need $200, I take these real estate classes, and I'm back on my feet, baby.

Rob:He sold our house and kept the money. $450,000!

Tyrone Biggums:Oh, Rob, you should have seen it, we had a pile of crack this high. I had a heart attack.

Tyrone Biggums:I'm getting a restraining order against you, Rob.

Tyrone Biggums (flashback):I got that Anthrax and it's the bomb, baby. 60 bucks!

Tyrone Biggums:Let he who is without sin, throweth the first rock and I shalt smoketh it.

Tyrone Biggums:Oh, why didn't they say there ain't no windows in here?

Tyrone Biggums:(flushing) Drugs have ruined my life!

Scarface:Yo, why don't we sell crack, yo? Yeah. Right? That's a lot more lucrative.