Blackzilla

Dave Chappelle:Dave introduces his video game obsession: 'I make love to my wife: Get off me. Turn on Playstation. I just want points, man.'

Dave Chappelle:'My whole life's like Vice City, man' — segue into the live-action GTA sketch

Dave Chappelle:Dave as GTA protagonist hijacks a car in broad daylight, shouting 'Sorry, I need this!'

Dave Chappelle:Dave mows down pedestrians with a machine gun in the GTA sketch

Dave Chappelle:'The name's Chappelle.' — Bond-style one-liner after the carnage

Dave Chappelle:After all the mayhem, Dave casually says 'Bye, baby, I'll see you later' and waves to his wife

Dave Chappelle:Dave describes his Japan trip: 'I would say I was loved and feared at the same time'

Dave Chappelle · Japanese civilians:The Blackzilla sketch begins — Dave as a Godzilla-sized Black man stomping through Tokyo

Dave Chappelle:'All y'all right here, I got something for ya' — Blackzilla pulls down his pants at the Japanese crowd

Japanese bystander:'That's no snake, honey. It's raining, it's pouring...'

Japanese soldier · Dave Chappelle:'Oh snap! I thought you was locked up!' — a Japanese soldier recognizes Blackzilla like an old friend from the block

Dave Chappelle:Blackzilla steps on someone — 'squish' sound effect followed by Godzilla roar

Dave Chappelle:'Yeah! I'm from the streets, bitch!' — Blackzilla shouts after fighting off military electrical attack

Dave Chappelle:Blackzilla is tormented by a tiny stick — 'Oh no, not stick! Ahh! Ahh!'

Dave Chappelle:Blackzilla touches the Tokyo Tower and shouts 'Oh! Hot, hot!' — reacting like he touched a stove

Dave Chappelle:Blackzilla has a romantic encounter — leaves saying 'I'll call you sometime or come around or something. I'll be back.'

unnamed character:'Man, I'm bored. I gotta go to the Chappelle Show.' — a character treats appearing on Chappelle's Show as a chore

Dave Chappelle:Dave announces negotiations with Comedy Central for a one-hour special fell apart because 'they didn't have the money I wanted'

Dave Chappelle:Dave builds to 'I wanna tell y'all how I really feel about Bush' — crowd cheers — then the buzzer cuts him off immediately

Dave Chappelle:'Fuckin' pay me!' — Dave's only statement after the buzzer cuts him off

Dave Chappelle:Dave references 'Pimps Up, Ho's Down' documentary to set up the Player Haters Ball sketch

Silky Johnson:Opening Player Haters Ball monologue: 'I hate on a nigga 'til he's totally broke and ain't got nothin' like me'

Korean hater:The sketch introduces a Korean hater who hates Koreans in Korean

Buc Nasty:Buc Nasty introduction: 'ho's, heifers, hee-haws and hula hoops'

unnamed hater:'Man, you oughtta take that cane and beat whoever made that suit to death'

Silky Johnson:'Buc Nasty, what can I say about that suit that hasn't already been said about Afghanistan? It looks bombed out and depleted.'

Silky Johnson:'Why don't you click your heels together three times and go back to Africa?'

Silky Johnson:'It's made out of your mother's pubic hair. Quite shitty.'

unnamed hater:Photo Flip game: 'Little-ass teeth? Nigga got dolphin teeth! Arsenio Hall teeth!'

unnamed hater:'He always says he doesn't want anyone to see him shine, but the nigga looks shiny to me. Looks like Malcolm X before he converted to Islam.'

unnamed hater:'Good lord almighty, it's Osama Bin Laden. That motherfucker pumped my gas in my car on the way over here.'

second hater:'That's ironic, because I take yoga classes from him.'

unnamed hater:'I like the song the girl sings, "Papa Don't Preach." I got a song for you, bitch. It's called "Daughter, Don't Sing."'

unnamed hater:'It's Boy George! That man right there I'd hate to fight. She wears underwear with dick holes in 'em.'

audience member · Ice T.:Ice T. is booed when introduced as presenter — crowd immediately yells 'You look like Bill Cosby on crack!'

Ice T. · Buc Nasty:Buc Nasty's nomination: getting his best friend's wife pregnant and tricking his friend into raising the kid

Ice T. · Pit Bull:Pit Bull's nomination: calling the police on drug dealers not because it was right, but out of jealousy for their money

Ice T. · Silky Johnson:Silky Johnson is nominated for calling in a bomb threat to the Special Olympics

unnamed hater:'Silky mink made out of 100% rat ass'

unnamed hater:'Beautiful on the weekends does stunts for Little Richard in gay movies.'

Silky Johnson:Silky Johnson's acceptance speech: 'I would like to thank God almighty for giving everybody so much... and me so little.'

Silky Johnson:Silky Johnson continues: 'I hate you, I hate you, I don't even know you, and I hate your guts. I hope all the bad things in life happen to you and nobody else but you.'

Silky Johnson:'I hate you, I hate you, I don't even know you, and I hate your guts. I hope all the bad things in life happen to you and nobody else but you.'

Silky Johnson:'As I sip my soda that I'm sure somebody spit in...'

Silky Johnson:'Kiss my ass, you rotten motherfuckers.'

Silky Johnson:'Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go home and put some water in Buc Nasty's mama's dish.'

Player Hater / Silky Johnson character:Bloopers/outtakes section: 'Silky mama got one big titty and one little titty, and they call that bitch Biggie Smalls'

unnamed hater:'He looks like a broke-ass... sexual, broke, uh, sexual chocolate.'

unnamed hater:'Is that the word?' — hater asks after 'sexual chocolate'

unnamed hater:'I wish you ill, Ice T.'

Player Hater:Outtake: 'I wish you ill, Ice T. That's right, that's right.'