I Know Black People

Dave Chappelle:I had a conversation that upset me, where a dude said my show was offensive to black people. Normally, that doesn't bother me, but he was white.

Dave Chappelle:Some people just know black people, right? Yo, I'm serious, they got, like, gut instincts.

Professor:A badonkadonk is like a, uh, a incredibly attractive ass.

Police Officer:Big penis.

Dave Chappelle:You do have a badonkadonk.

Barber:Ohh, that's junk in the trunk, that's what you put your mug on, you saddle up and ride, that's a big ass.

Contestant · Dave Chappelle:I don't, I don't know. (ding) That is correct. Nobody knows, nobody knows for sure.

Dave Chappelle:Amazing. Did not know see the show. yet knows that Bookman was cleaning up.

Multiple Contestants · Dave Chappelle:Because he was white. (ding) That is correct.

Dave Chappelle · Tito:Tito, is pimping easy? No. (ding) That is correct.

Game Show Host · Contestant:Um, Big Daddy Kane would say, 'it ain't easy.' (dinging) 'Pimping ain't easy,' he is correct.

Contestant · Dave Chappelle:Is pimping easy? Hell, yeah. (ding) Somehow that is correct.

Narrator:Brenda had a simple choice to make: Ignore the mild rudeness of someone hanging up on her or 'keep it real.'

Brenda:Fuck that, I don't like people playing on my phone.

Brenda:I star-69-ed you, you dirty ho.

Brenda:You a bitch and so is your aunt.

Brenda:'Cause I keeps it real like that.

Brenda:I'm fix'n to ride on this bitch.

Brenda:You won't be fucking Jamal in this car, ho!

Brenda:Take that you clap-having jezebel.

Brenda:I keeps it real.

Brenda:What's really hood, bitch?

Narrator:It turned out they kept it realer.

Narrator · Jamal:You wanna talk about keeping it real? He was cheating on Brenda with her best friend.

Narrator:From eating popcorn in the comfort of her own home to eating fruit cocktail off of a prison floor

Contestant:One cigarette bought at the store from the Arabs.

Writer:A fellatious woman.

Contestant:To give a loosey.

Barber:It's a bird, one of those that you just bring home and wear out.

Game Show Host · Contestant:I know that one character on 'Good Times' was JJ Walker. That's very good. I get mistaken for him a lot in shopping malls.

Contestant · Dave Chappelle:Another actress on good times is Lenny Kravitz's mother. (buzzer) Oh, I'm sorry, that was 'The Jeffersons,' but close.

Contestant:I remember when Willis had a drinking problem. (buzzer)

Professor:(in soprano) Hangin' in a jury... does that mean that someone is hung in a jury?

Dave Chappelle · Contestant:How can black people rise up and overcome? No. (ding) That is correct.

Game Show Host · Contestant:There's a complex answer there. (dinging) That is correct.

Contestant · Dave Chappelle:Get out and vote. (buzzer) That is incorrect, I'm afraid.

Game Show Host · Contestant:Get out and vote. (buzzing) That is incorrect, I'm afraid.

Dave Chappelle:Here's the grand prize. Of course, it contains a lifetime supply of Murray's hair cream. And one can is a lifetime supply, trust me.

Dave Chappelle · Audience:All right, you're walking down the street, right, a black dude comes up to you, he hands you two dimes and a nickel and says may I have a... what does he want? Case quarter.

Dave Chappelle:Who was the only black sweathog? Freddy 'Boom Boom' Washington. But he didn't happen to have the answer (clap) handy.