I Know Black People

Dave Chappelle:A dude said my show was offensive to black people. Normally that doesn't bother me, but he was white. So it freaked me out.

Dave Chappelle:He might have a point. I'm not gonna discount him just because he was white. Who knows. Some people just know black people, right?

Dave Chappelle:The contestant lineup: an African American studies professor, a NYC cop, a writer for the Chris Rock Show AND Chappelle's Show, a Korean grocery store worker, a DJ with 'many black friends,' a social worker, a student whose boys are Black, and a Brooklyn barber whose clients are 100% Black.

Host · Contestant (white man):What is a 'badonkadonk?' — 'Big penis.' (BUZZ)

Host · Female Contestant:Female contestant: 'He's talking about my rear end, I think.' (DING) — 'You do have a badonkadonk. I may have heard that once or twice before, yeah.'

Brooklyn Barber Contestant:Brooklyn barber's answer for badonkadonk: 'Junk in the trunk, what you put your mug up, you saddle up and ride, that's a big ass.'

Dave Chappelle:Host accepts 'Junk in the trunk, what you put your mug up, saddle up and ride, or an ass' as all correct answers, with equal gravity.

Host · Contestant:Question: 'Why do black people love menthols so much?' Answer: 'I don't know.' (DING) — 'That is correct. Nobody knows, nobody knows for sure.'

Contestant:'Why do black people love menthols?' — 'Cause that's what Newports are.' (DING)

Host · Contestant:Question: 'Is it a fact that they like menthol cigarettes?' (long pause) 'I don't know.' (DING) — 'No one knows.'

Host · Contestant:Question about Mr. Bookman from Good Times — contestant guesses 'janitor.' (DING) — 'Did not see the show, yet knows that Bookman was cleaning up.'

Host:Host: 'And his nickname was Buffalo Butt. That is correct and a bonus point.'

Contestant · Host:Contestant tries 'Chi-chi' as a Bookman nickname. Host: 'I am checking the judges for chi-chi.' (BUZZ) 'I'm sorry that is incorrect.'

Host · Contestant:Host: 'His name was Bookman? Yes, and he was fat. What did they call him?' Contestant: 'Ah, Fat Janitor Guy.' (BUZZ)

Contestant 1 · Contestant 2 · Host:Question: 'Why did black people distrust Ronald Reagan?' — 'Because he was white.' (DING) — 'Because he was white.' (DING)

Contestant:'Why did black people distrust Ronald Reagan?' — 'Because he took all his money.'

Contestant · Host:'Why did black people distrust Ronald Reagan?' — 'Hmm, he wasn't supposed to be trusted in the first place.' (DING)

Host · Tito · Contestant:Question: 'Tito, is pimping easy?' — 'No.' (DING) — 'No.' (DING)

Contestant · Host:Contestant: 'Big Daddy Kane would say, it ain't easy.' (DING) — 'Pimping ain't easy, he is correct.'

Contestant:Contestant: 'I have a hard time with it myself.' (Host confirms pimping ain't easy)

Contestant · Host:Is pimping easy? — 'Hell, yeah.' (DING) — 'Somehow that is correct.'

Dave Chappelle:Dave's monologue on 'keeping it real': 'When you're keeping it real, pick your spots. Reality is hidden for a reason. And now we will show you why.'

Dave Chappelle (narrator) · Brenda:Dave's setup narration: 'When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong.' Brenda is eating popcorn watching TV when the phone rings and someone hangs up.

Brenda · Brenda's Friend:Brenda's friend: 'Girl, don't even trip, you bigger than that.' Brenda: 'No. I don't like people playing on my phone.'

Brenda · Janice:Brenda calls back: 'Did you just call here, bitch?' — Janice: 'I dialed the wrong number, okay.' — Brenda: 'I star-69-ed you, you dirty ho.'

Brenda · Janice:Brenda: 'You and I both know you sleeping with Jamal.' Janice: 'No, I was trying to call my aunt.' Brenda: 'Oh bitch, please. You a bitch and so is your aunt.'

Dave Chappelle (narrator):Narrator: 'Brenda could've ended the conflict there. But she decided to push her real-o-meter into the red.'

Brenda · Dave Chappelle (narrator):Narrator explains Brenda does a reverse phone lookup, gets Janice's address AND directions, then we see/hear Brenda destroy Janice's car.

Brenda:'You won't be fucking Jamal in this car, ho!' — Brenda destroying the car.

Brenda · Janice:Brenda: 'Take that you clap-having jezebel!' Janice: 'It was a wrong number!' Brenda: 'Fuck that! I don't like people playing on my phone.'

Dave Chappelle (narrator):Narrator: 'What Brenda didn't know is that Janice was borrowing the car from her older brother, a federal agent... defacing a government vehicle is considered a felony.'

Brenda:Prison scene: Brenda says 'What's really hood, bitch?' to establish prison dominance — then immediately gets beaten up by THREE women simultaneously.

Dave Chappelle (narrator):Narrator: 'The three women were all serving consecutive life sentences. It turned out they kept it realer.'

Dave Chappelle (narrator) · Jamal:Narrator: 'And as for her boyfriend Jamal... he was cheating on Brenda with her best friend.'

Dave Chappelle (narrator) · Jamal:Jamal's friend: 'Ain't that right, shorty?' Best friend: 'That's right.' Cut to: 'From eating popcorn in the comfort of her own home to eating fruit cocktail off of a prison floor.'

Brenda:Brenda (from prison): 'Fuck that! I don't like people playing on my phone!'

Contestant · Host:Game show resuming: 'What is a loosey?' — 'Is that, ah, a way of saying oral sex?' (BUZZ) — 'No, but we should start saying that.'

Contestant:'What is a loosey?' — 'One cigarette bought at the store from the Arabs.'

Contestant:Question: 'What is a chickenhead?' — Contestant: 'That's a woman who, um, puts her mouth on the member of a... or sometimes called a crackwhore.'

Contestant (Mark) · Host:Contestant: 'A fellatious woman.' — Host: 'Here we go. Mark, things are looking up.'

Contestant · Host:Contestant tries to remember 'chickenhead' from a TV show: 'You're such a chickenhead. I don't know what show this is, but I'd like to see it.'

Contestant · Host:Contestant's chickenhead definition leads to callback: 'To give a loosey.' — Host: 'That's right, to give a loosey.'

Brooklyn Barber Contestant:Brooklyn barber's chickenhead definition: 'It's a bird, one of those that you just bring home and wear out.'

Host:Host sings 'Good Times' theme — asks contestants to fill in the blank lyric ('Scratching and surviving / Good times / Blank / Good times')

Contestant:Contestant: 'I know that one character on Good Times was JJ Walker. That's very good. I get mistaken for him a lot in shopping malls.'

Contestant · Host:Contestant: 'Another actress on Good Times is Lenny Kravitz's mother.' (BUZZ) — Host: 'Oh, I'm sorry, that was The Jeffersons, but close.'

Contestant · Host:Contestant: 'I remember when Willis had a drinking problem.' (BUZZ)

Contestant (Brian Tucker) · Host:Contestant attempts the disputed Good Times lyric: 'And it sounds like hangin' in a jury, but... does that mean that someone is hung in a jury?' Host: 'Brian Tucker just pointed out a fact that is very true. This is the most disputed lyric in all of the Good Times lyrics.'

Host:Host reveals the correct lyric: 'Hangin' in a chow line.' — 'I had to look it up on the Internet myself. I thought it was hangin' a cracker.'

Contestant · Host:Final question: 'How can black people rise up and overcome?' — 'Well, can they overcome?' — 'No.' (DING) — 'That is correct.'

Contestant · Host:Answer: 'Reparations.' (DING) — 'That is acceptable.'

Contestant · Host:Answer: 'There's a complex answer there.' (DING) — 'That is correct.'

Contestant · Another Contestant · Host:Answer: 'Staying alive.' (DING) — 'Well, stop cutting each others' throat.' (DING) — 'That also is correct.'

Contestant · Host:'Get out and vote.' (BUZZ) — Host: 'That is incorrect, I'm afraid. I'm sorry. Black people.'

Host:Grand prize reveal: Murray's hair cream (one can is a lifetime supply), two bootleg DVDs, and a pack of menthol cigarettes.

Dave Chappelle (host):Post-credits game: 'A black dude comes up to you, he hands you two dimes and a nickel and says may I have a... what does he want?' Audience answers correctly: 'Case quarter.' Host: 'See, nobody got case quarter.' Then: 'Who was the only black sweathog? No idea.' (BUZZ) — 'Freddy Boom Boom Washington. But he didn't happen to have the answer handy.'

Dave Chappelle:Post-show bonus: 'All right, this one nobody got, not even the black dude. You're walking down the street, a black dude comes up to you, hands you two dimes and a nickel and says may I have a... what does he want?' / Audience: 'Case quarter.' / 'See, nobody got case quarter.'