The One After Vegas

Hello, Mrs. Ross. Well, hello, Mr. Rachel.

I don't think they're as much dating as they are... two bottles of vodka walking around in human form.

If you marry in Vegas, you're only married in Vegas.

Do you have any clothes on? Yes. Really? No.

I remember laughing. I laughed a lot. Then we didn't have sex.

Too depressed to eat. I'll probably eat in, like, five minutes.

Are you asking me to have a 'frienaissance'?

It's a buffet, man.

Why wasn't I invited? And who was gonna be your best man? Don't say Ross. Do not say Ross.

Tell her she's not marriage material. Girls say it to me all the time. And if she's anything like me, she's just gonna be relieved.

We were just talking about bacon. No, we were talking about tennis. Tennis is more believable.

Now, I'm drunk right now. I can't have a mimosa with breakfast? I'm on vacation.

Yeah, that guy's finally gonna be able to put in that pool.

Ross, I don't think surgery is the answer here.

Your thing. You're the guy who gets divorced. Yes, you do. This is your third divorce. You love divorce so much, you're probably gonna marry it... and then it won't work out, so you're gonna have to divorce it.

I'm so drunk.

Eight we get married... but 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 9, 10, 11, 12, we don't get married.

Last night I rolled a hard eight. It was the wrong kind of eight. No wedding! Damn it! I wanted it so bad!

We've been on the road for 6 hours, and you've been asleep for 5 and a half.

That will be your punishment, you greedy sleeper!

Are my eyes open? No!

And I will make everyone call me Mrs. Geller.

I thought that the boxes were far away from each other.

You are asking me to be your wife. And as my wife, I think you should grant me this favor.

Don't you think I asked him that before he got in?

And, you, are you a rapist? No. Do you like car games?

I came up with an analogy about a little goldfish... in a pond that freezes over in the winter... but I realized that was a story about what to do when people pick on you. So I'm gonna actually save that for my children's book.

This is not a marriage! This is the world's worst hangover!

Hey, hey... is there any such thing as an annulment shower?

I have your name and the fact that you're a drifter. So ball's pretty much in your court.

That's not fair. You know I can't resist that beautiful voice.

So I will strive to stay awake for as long as I know you. You can still sleep at night and stuff.

Is it a meatball sub? That is incredible! You are the master!

Don't say it! Don't even think it. Chandler, enjoy your handful.

Go unpack. It's been three days, and it drives me insane!

Door hasn't been locked in five years, but okay.

The key broke in the lock, and I can't get in. Wait. Oh, my God, I can't get out! This isn't a sign! No, it's a very old key!

Are you hugging the door right now? No. Yeah, yeah, me neither.

No, thanks. I've already seen one.

What? We're still married. Don't tell Rachel. See you later.

Nice job, Joe. You're quite the craftsman!