The One Where Rosita Dies

And your lap does not count.

Rosita does not move.

The big deal is that it's the exact equal distance from the bathroom to the kitchen...and it's at the perfect angle so you don't get any glare coming off of Stevie.

Stevie the TV?

Oh, what does he know? Come on, Rosita. Us chicas gotta stick together.

You bitch.

Oh, it even has a tree with a broken limb out front.

I can't believe I still don't know what happened to the window in the attic.

She's not even cold yet.

But don't you think Rosita would've wanted you to move on? I mean, you know, she did always put your comfort first.

Well, after 15 years of Mom and Dad keeping it as a shrine to you...it's time the velvet ropes came down.

Oh, please. Dad turned my room into a gym 20 minutes after I moved out. And I gotta say, a tanning bed and a stack of Victoria's Secret catalogs? Not a gym.

I was their firstborn. They thought she was barren. It's not my fault.

That was me and Ross.

Yeah, it'd probably be better than the last telephone job I had. You know, I probably won't have to say 'spank' as much.

Oh, yeah, like you never called.

Yeah, you're right. This is easy.

What is toner?

Something terrible must have happened here.

Stevie, I was never here.

And hopefully their check will clear before they find the crack...in the foundation and the asbestos in the ceiling.

But I do know that there are six or seven Easy-Bake Ovens in the attic.

Yeah, not as much as you loved to play 'uncooked batter eater.'

Hey. It is unreasonable to expect a child to wait for a light bulb to cook brownies.

They must be your mother's. But please, please don't ask her. I'll throw these away.

Math, A. Science, A. History, A. Gym...

I think I accidentally used Monica's boxes...to keep the water away from the Porsche.

You don't secretly smoke, do you? No. So it's just your mother, then.

Is that because you're out of toner?

I only had one thing to do today. I guess I could push it back.

Chandler?

Hey, everybody, uh...I'm gonna kill myself. [pause] I got nothing.

Now, if anybody asks...your name is Rosita.

She's healed.

If you want something enough and your heart is pure...wondrous things can happen.

Look, all my stuff is safe and dry. And all her stuff is...growing new stuff.

You know, if you want to tell the medical marvel story while we work...that'd be fine.

My chair heals itself.

The new girl's good.

Without that coloring book. Really? Wow. Looks like I had some trouble staying inside the lines.

I used your boxes to divert water away from the Porsche.

Well, there was also leaves and gook and stuff.

Screw it. I'm having one.

Are you telling me...that you bought the chair that is making all other lounge systems obsolete? The chair that Sit Magazine called 'Chair of the Year'?

Well, what did you think? That elves came in and fixed it? No. Angels.

Oh, no. This is devastating. My faith is shaken. I'm so glad I have the new chair to get me through this difficult time in my life.

Sorry, I don't know any Earl. I'm right here!

I thought it was toner.

Really? How? I'm not gonna give you tips.

My mother was also a supply manager. I'm actually the office manager. Oh, my God. So was she!

Your name is Earl, right? Her name was Pearl. Pearl.

Philadelphia. Oh, my God, so was she!

Well, I'm wearing layers, and it's warm.

I really wish they'd care just a little bit.

Mon, I think it was a mouse. [SCREAMS]

You've wrecked all my childhood memories...you love Ross more than me. And I just rubbed a dead mouse on my face.

I was driving it the other day and I saw my reflection in a window. Your mother's right, I do look like an ass.

I mean, a couple of stupid boxes get wet, and she gets a Porsche? What about me? I'm a medical marvel!

Are you kidding? I get a Porsche and the Barcalounger's gone? Heh. This is the best day ever!