Frank finds himself in the child beauty-pageant business and fears that people might think that he's in it for the wrong reasons. Meanwhile, Dee wages war on stage moms, and Mac, Dennis and Charlie think they have found a contestant to back.
WAR
45.8
Wins Above Replacement
“Frank Reynolds' Little Beauties” ranks #36 of 177 It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 83.5 — Elite. The episode packs 40 scored jokes at 1.6 per minute, averaging 7.1 on craft and 7.2 on impact, with Frank landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Charlie: We got to definitely write a song about how we do not diddle kids.
Charlie Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Frank: I had it done at a funeral home. Where in the hell am I going to go-- to the goddamn makeup counter at Macy's? You go to a funeral home to get gruesome repairs.
Frank Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Police Officer: Man's a diddler. Sick son of a bitch goes around all these kids pageants, pretends he's an inspector. We've been looking for him for a while.
Police Officer: It's like throwing a picnic at the beach and getting pissed when the seagulls show up.
Justine: A big, humungous pain in my Vagina...
All Jokes — 40 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Frank: Son of a bitch!
Frank: Guys, guys, guys.
Oh.
Are you okay?
Oh!
I think you broke your nose.
Frank: Oh, strange man, titty bar.
Frank Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Frank: Because you make a lot of cash, and you ogle some broads.
Frank Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Oh! Looks like somebody forgot their swimsuit.
Unknown Misdirection Visual Gag ★ Rewatch Frank: That's the problem.
Frank Reaction Beat Deadpan/Understatement How would you win pageants? Did you have a different face?
Dennis Mac Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Mac: No, she was a dog back then, too.
Mac Escalation Character Comedy Charlie: In other countries, okay, women that can't show their ankles, right? They got to be in those big, black tarps or whatever. In America, we can show toddlers in tiny bikinis
Charlie Dark/Subversive Absurdist ★ Rewatch Mac: We can do whatever we want with our kids. And that's what America is all about.
Mac Dark/Subversive Escalation U.S.A. U.S.A., U.S.A., U.S.A., U.S.A., U.S.A.!
Frank: I am not gonna diddle your kids. I'm not like that. That's not my thing. I met that guy in a titty bar.
Frank Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Frank: Do I look suspicious?
Dee: You look grotesque.
Frank Dee Setup/Punchline Visual Gag Callback Charlie: We got to definitely write a song about how we do not diddle kids.
Charlie Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Mac: There is no quicker way for people to think that you are diddling kids than by writing a song about it.
Mac Setup/Punchline Observational ★ Rewatch Charlie: But there's a guy. Uh, uh, there's a fat guy. Well, his face is busted to bits, and he... he's in charge. Real jacked up face and fat.
Charlie Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Callback Dee: Yeah, those mothers just left their kids here in a bar with complete strangers in a pageant that's under investigation. They're terrible parents.
Dee Observational Irony/Sarcasm Dee: I see amateurs, I see trash, little pieces of trash on my stage. You guys are dummies.
Dee Cringe/Discomfort Escalation Dee: Samantha gets to be mean because Samantha is a star, okay? Maybe one day you'll be a star, but right now you're not. You're junk.
Dee Cringe/Discomfort Escalation Dee: You belong in the bathroom. Go!
Dee Cringe/Discomfort Escalation Samantha: You're ugly.
Dee: You don't-- that's not something you say. You're mean. You're the meanest girl in the world.
Dee: All hair is technically dead, you stupid idiot smarty-pants stupid, stupid idiot.
Dee Escalation Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Terrible breath. Wheezing.
Charlie: This is what America is about, okay, being able to eat at any rate you want to eat.
Charlie Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Charlie: Your mom doesn't know dick. She's a dumb, fat cow, and your sister-- she is a stupid little shit-mouthed bitch, isn't she?
Charlie: I know, but it's not what you care about, it's what I care about.
Charlie Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Frank: I had it done at a funeral home. Where in the hell am I going to go-- to the goddamn makeup counter at Macy's? You go to a funeral home to get gruesome repairs.
Frank Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Dee: You look like you're at your own wake.
Dee Setup/Punchline Visual Gag Callback Frank: Go into the toilet and run your mouth under the sink.
Frank Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Frank: I figure he's a cretin. Why would I have a cretin like that near me if I have something to hide?
Frank Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Frank: Which one of these talented, uh, entertainers, who I am not attracted to at all, will be the winner? I'm not attracted to any of them, none of them.
Frank Cringe/Discomfort Escalation Callback Justine: A big, humungous pain in my Vagina...
Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall. The only thing we have to fear is... fear itself.
Frank: You bang the dead bodies? I don't give a shit. If I was dead, you could bang me all you want. Who cares? Dead body's like a piece of trash.
Frank Dark/Subversive Cringe/Discomfort Frank: Fill me up with cream. Make a stew out of my ass. What's the big deal? Bang me, eat me, grind me up into little pieces, throw me in the river.
Frank Dark/Subversive Escalation Callback Frank: That was a mistake. The janitor got a hold of the P.A. system. Puerto Rican guy.
Frank Misdirection Character Comedy Police Officer: Man's a diddler. Sick son of a bitch goes around all these kids pageants, pretends he's an inspector. We've been looking for him for a while.
Dennis: So, there's another unrelated diddler in the mix?
Dennis Deadpan/Understatement Absurdist Dennis: So, there's another unrelated diddler in the mix?
Dennis Deadpan/Understatement Observational Police Officer: It's like throwing a picnic at the beach and getting pissed when the seagulls show up.
Police Officer: I tell you, children's beauty pageants are an American tradition, but not a proud one.
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