Jeremy

Jeremy:I got the perfect guy. Friend of mine, bit of an alcoholic, a little grabby, either a war hero or war criminal, depending on who you ask, but a good dude.

Jeremy · Leslie:Boring! 'Boring' is my middle name, so...

Jeremy:Hey, you know what, he's not a rack of ribs, so stop grilling him. Nailed it.

Jeremy:I had never heard of several of those terms, and I'm a freak.

Jeremy:Wow. Ms. Ludgate, are you a ventriloquist? I mean, that is amazing how you make your words come out of Ms. Knope's mouth.

Jeremy:I'm just sick of being on the losing side. I'm going to tell everyone this was my idea. Retro-jammed.

Jeremy · Leslie:What do you got in there for me, some dirty mags? No! These gift baskets are for innocent victims... not for jerks who got stung because they were laughing at other people's pain.

Jeremy:I just farted.

Jeremy:She saw me nail Gangsta's Paradise, I saw her bite the door guy.

Leslie · Jeremy:Please don't say Hitler. Adolf Hitler!

Jeremy:It's a stache thing. Stache bros.

Jeremy:She has my stool analyzed just to keep me honest.

Jeremy:But it just feels right.

Jeremy:More hair came out.

Jeremy:You keep that in your desk?

Jeremy:She lets me rub up against her leg sometimes.

Jeremy:Literally. All the steak and whiskey, I have to wear a diaper.

Tammy · Jeremy:Look at my boobs. No. Look downstairs. No. There's a prize inside for you.

Jeremy:Although, if I had to pick one side, it would be Lucy Liu's backside.