The Good Samaritan

The concept behind phones is that we all have absolutely nothing to say and we've got to talk to someone about it right now.

You gotta give people a chance to miss you a little!

It's safer. Plus, it's more annoying to the other person.

How could you not give a thank-you wave? Hey, buddy, where's my thank-you wave?

What are you, yellow?

Your left rear tire's a little low. That can affect the performance of the twin I-beam suspension, not to mention your rack-and-pinion steering.

So I wound up going out for a decaf cappuccino with her.

I'm speechless, speechless. I have no speech.

Love when they touch your arm. I can't get enough of that.

Let's not even analyze it.

Oh, you dig?

That's why I've never been in a long-term relationship. I never had a good meeting story.

What am I drinking, milk?

Queens?

So I said to him, 'Whatever's necessary.'

I am without speech.

Tell her about the shoving.

so I went into a karate stance.

That's where England used to send their convicts. But not anymore.

I was watching Entertainment Tonight and suddenly I got dizzy and hit my head on the coffee table.

They're always trying to make me feel like their life is so much better.

You know, I have a very exciting life. It's very exciting.

Eduardo Caroccio.

They don't really fight the bull. They avoid fighting the bull.

Bread.

I wasn't gonna say anything, but I saw he wasn't gonna open his mouth.

But from what I understand, not a very good driver. Hits everything on the road, but always leaves a note.

Quinn said he never felt so good as when he left a note after smacking into a car.

I don't think I'm special. My mother always said I'm not special.

Kirk Douglas. Now, there's another very bad driver. But he's such an unbelievable guy when he hits someone, he doesn't leave a note. He sits in his car and waits for the other person.

Because as the husband, he has the right of first refusal.

unless she's one of these multiple sneezers and he's holding his 'God bless you' in abeyance until she completes the series.

What if she's having an off night?

It's a stupid 'stuperstition.'

You should say, 'You're so good-looking.'

Mary Hart's voice! There's something about Mary Hart's voice that's giving you seizures. Just like that woman in Albany!

It's so adult. It's like with stockings and martinis and William Holden.

On the other hand, it probably wouldn't cost me any money.

It's like hitting a car and driving away without leaving a note.

The blond with the blue sweatpants.

Wait, wait, wait. How do you know it's not John Tesh?

It's too bad you can't say anything because of Angela.

Angela. Lousy thug.

I actually owe it to society to do something about this!

saying 'God bless you' to every Tom, Dick and Harry, at great personal risk.

Oh, my God. I must be crazy. What have I done?

You didn't commit adultery. I did.

In three years with Michael, not one 'God bless you.'

Is she with your bald friend from the other night?

I'm gonna sew his ass to his face!

I'm gonna twist his neck so hard his lips will be his eyebrows!

You're so good-looking.

I'll pluck your body hairs out with my teeth!

French Connection kind of thing. You know, sort of a Popeye Doyle chase through the city.

He said he was gonna sew your ass to your face.

You lie! How hard is it to lie!

until you got her juiced up with your story about the affair with the matador!

Eduardo Caroccio. That's good. That's very good. Kind of just rolls off the tongue.

Perhaps, Zabar's. Or Ray's Pizza.

$875? That's right.

So, what are you doing this weekend?

You are so good-looking.

You got a date with Becky Gelke?

A man is paralyzed, mentally, by a beautiful woman.

All right, if she's next to the ratchet set and I had that ratchet set, I wonder if that would mean that... I better just buy that ratchet set.