The Smelly Car

I'm sorry, you're gonna have to give me the doggy bag. I couldn't make it.

Let me tell you, if you're a guy and you ask for the doggy bag on a date... you might as well have them just wrap up your genitals too. You're not gonna be needing those for a while either.

Look at you. Look what you've become.

He'll like you more. - That's impossible.

Stan, why do you have to pick your teeth at the table? - Leave me alone. - It's disgusting. Yeah, I'm gonna get married real soon.

Guy's got quite a racket. I take you to dinner... then drop you at his apartment. And he gets the rest of my chicken.

Do I smell something? What am I, hard of smelling?

So when somebody has BO... the O usually stays with the B. Once the B leaves, the O goes with it.

Let's see. I ski, I fish... I pillage, I plunder. - You pillage and plunder? - When I travel.

Hey, what do you know? Look at that. A lesbian sighting. My lucky day.

They're so fascinating. Why is that? Because they don't want us. You gotta respect that.

Oh, boy. [George's reaction to seeing Susan with a woman]

Come on, that's great. Are you kidding? I think that's fantastic. I've always encouraged experimentation. I'm the first guy in the pool.

Since you and I broke up. - So after me, you... went that way?

It's not even frontal nudity. It's 'sidal' nudity.

You didn't rewind it. There's a $2 charge for not rewinding. - But there's no signs here. - This is an outrage.

I'm not giving you the satisfaction. I'm gonna watch it again.

I figure by this time, the odor molecules have had at least 12 hours to 'de-smellify.'

I can think of at least six known offensive odors that I would rather smell than what's living in your car. - What about skunk? - I don't mind skunk. - Horse manure? - I love horse manure.

When you're with a guy and he tells you he has to get up early... what does that mean? - It means he's lying.

Jerry, I'm sure I've seen men on the street early in the morning. - Well, sometimes we do have to get up early... but a man will always trade sleep for sex.

Is it possible I'm not as attractive as I think I am? - Anything's possible.

I know the list.

You stink. - What do you mean, I stink? - You stink.

It's attached itself to me. It's alive.

So let me ask you, do you think I could've done this? - No, no. It's the valet guy. - No, no. I mean, driven Susan to lesbianism.

Suicide, maybe. Not lesbianism.

Oh, this isn't even BO. This is beyond BO. It's BBO.

There should be a BO squad that patrols the city... to sniff them out, strip them down and wash them with a soapy brush.

The funny thing is, somehow I find her more appealing now. Like, if I knew she was a lesbian when we went out... I never would've broken up with her.

Maybe you stunk up the car, rather than the car stinking up you. - Oh, it's the chicken and the egg.

Yes! Yes, 125 is good. Now could you please open the door! Let me out of here!

Someone stole Rochelle, Rochelle? - Well, you left the window open. - We had to air out the car.

The O went from the valet's B to the car to me.

It clings to everything. Jerry thinks it's an entity.

But I showered, and I shampooed. So... - That's a relief. - Yeah. - What? - It's still there.

I need, like, 35. Thanks. - So was it me? - Oh, don't be ridiculous. Is that what you wanted to talk to me about?

Let me ask you something: If you and Mona were ever to dance... how do you decide who leads? I mean, do you take turns? Do you discuss it beforehand? How does that work?

You're an idiot. - Why? That's a legitimate sociological question.

Oh, and George, by the way... you stink. You need a bath. - It's not me! It's the car!

Even Superman would be helpless against this kind of stench.

This isn't just an odor. You need a priest to get rid of this thing.

It's a presence. It's the beast.

Amazing. I drive them to lesbianism, he brings them back.

I'm Kramer.

You happen to be a very eligible lesbian.

I can't sell this car. This thing. It's got to be stopped.

So, what do you want to do? - Sauce me.

Why do we need BO? What is the function of it? Everything in nature has a reason, has a purpose, except BO.

You move, you stink. Why can't our bodies help us? Why can't sweat smell good?

Instead of putting your laundry in the hamper, put it in a vase.

Probably have a dirty sock hanging from the rearview mirror of your car.

Then on a special night, maybe a little underwear... coming out of your breast pocket. Just to show her that she's important.