Lt. Joe Bookman

Bookman · Jerry:Jerry doesn't have instant coffee. Bookman: 'Who doesn't have instant coffee? Buy a jar of Folgers crystals, put it in the cupboard, you forget about it. When you need it, it's there. It lasts forever. It's freeze-dried. Freeze-dried crystals.'

Bookman:Bookman: ''71, that was my first year on the job. Bad year for libraries. Bad year for America. Hippies burning library cards. Abbie Hoffman telling everybody to steal books.'

Bookman:Bookman: 'I don't judge a man by hair length or musical taste. Rock was never my bag. But you put on a pair of shoes in the New York Public Library, fella.'

Bookman · Jerry:Bookman: 'You're a comedian. You make people laugh.' Jerry: 'I try.' Bookman: 'You think this is all a big joke?'

Bookman:Well, let me tell you something, funny boy. You know that little stamp, the one that says 'New York Public Library'? That may not mean anything to you. But that means a lot to me. One whole hell of a lot.

Bookman:Bookman's full speech about the kid in the library finding 'drawings of pee-pees and wee-wees in The Cat in the Hat and The Five Chinese Brothers'

Bookman:Bookman: 'I got a flash for you, joy-boy: Party time is over. You got seven days, Seinfeld. That is one week.'

Bookman:Bookman appears in the dark library and addresses the librarian: 'I remember when the librarian was a much older woman. Kindly, discreet, unattractive. We didn't know anything about her private life. We didn't wanna know about her private life. She didn't have a private life.'

Bookman:The library closes at 5:00, no exceptions. This is your final warning. Got that, kewpie doll?

Bookman:Bookman's final confrontation: 'Hard feelings? What do you know about hard feelings? Ever have a man die in your arms? Ever kill somebody?'

Bookman:Bookman: 'I'll be all over you like a pit bull on a poodle.'

Bookman · Jerry:Bookman arrives and immediately interrogates Jerry about coffee: 'Got any coffee?' / 'No, I don't drink coffee.' / 'How about instant coffee?' / 'No, I don't...' / 'No instant coffee? Who doesn't have instant coffee? Buy a jar of Folgers crystals, put it in the cupboard, you forget about it. When you need it, it's there. It lasts forever. It's freeze-dried. Freeze-dried crystals.'

Bookman:Bookman: 'Yeah, '71, that was my first year on the job. Bad year for libraries. Bad year for America. Hippies burning library cards. Abbie Hoffman telling everybody to steal books. I don't judge a man by hair length or musical taste. Rock was never my bag. But you put on a pair of shoes in the New York Public Library, fella.'

Bookman · Jerry:Bookman: 'You're a comedian. You make people laugh. You think this is all a big joke?' / Jerry: 'No, I don't.' / Bookman: 'I saw you on TV once. I remembered your name from my list. I looked it up. Sure enough, it checked out. You think because you're a celebrity, the law doesn't apply? You're above the law?'

Bookman:Bookman's full monologue: 'Maybe we can live without libraries, people like you and me. Maybe. Sure, we're too old to change the world. But what about that kid sitting down opening a book right now in a branch at the local library and finding drawings of pee-pees and wee-wees in The Cat in the Hat and The Five Chinese Brothers?'

Bookman:Bookman: 'Well, I got a flash for you, joy-boy: Party time is over. You got seven days, Seinfeld. That is one week.'

Bookman:Bookman catches Kramer and Marion: 'I remember when the librarian was a much older woman. Kindly, discreet, unattractive. We didn't know anything about her private life. We didn't wanna know about her private life. She didn't have a private life. When you think about that, think about this: The library closes at 5:00, no exceptions. This is your final warning. Got that, kewpie doll?'

George · Bookman:George confronts Jerry about the book: 'I hope there's no hard feelings.' / Bookman emerges: 'Hard feelings? What do you know about hard feelings? Ever have a man die in your arms? Ever kill somebody?'

Bookman:Bookman's final warning: 'You better not screw up again, Seinfeld. Because if you do, I'll be all over you like a pit bull on a poodle.'